18
The Devil And The Drunk-Tank Creep
Why did I have to leave the Northeast? It means I have to miss this. Dinesh D’Souza and Christopher Hitchens debating religion promises to be a wildly entertaining evening of bombastic hysterics versus simple minded platitudes, ending in a harmonious resolution when both parties agree that Mooslims SUCK!
Allow me to look into my crystal ball and give you a transcript of the debate…
“Hey, Dinesh?”
“Yeah, Christopher?”
“You’re…..pretty brown.”
“Yeah…?”
“No, I mean you’re really brown.”
“So?”
“Well, it’s just that…..I mean, I hate Muslims.”
“Oh, that’s cool, Chris. Can I call you Chris? I hate Muslims, too.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yeah, man. Like, I really hate Muslims.”
“No way, Dinesh! I thought with a name like that…”
“What? No, dude. I’m, like, totally Christian.”
“Oh.”
“Oh? Oh, what?”
“Well…..Christians are retards, man.”
“Oh, dude. WTF?”
“Seriously. Christians are vile, pusillanimous fuckwits.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah. I talk like that because I’m British. We’re the only people on earth who can say ‘pusillanimous’ after fifteen whiskeys.”
“Why are you such an ass, Chris?”
“You sure you’re not a Muslim, Dinesh?”
“No, dude. I hate Muslims.”
“Oh, well. All right, then. Have a whiskey.”
“Christianity is the moral force that distinguishes us from savages, like the Muslims.”
“Well, you’re right that Muslims are savages, Dinesh. But Christianity is a filthy chancre on the metatarsal of humanity. Mother Teresa was a troll.”
“Are you drunk?”
“Alcohol is what distinguishes us from savages, like the Muslims!”
“Well, I’ll pray for you, Chris. And I’ll pray that Muslims are all struck down by the wrath of Our Lord!”
“I’ll drink to that, Dinesh!”
Bonus stupid: D’Souza uses the tail end of his written frottage of Hitchens to defend Anselm’s ontological argument. While there may be some versions of the ontological argument that are not pure, refined stupid, Anselm’s is not one of them. Every first year philosophy student I’ve known has used it to prove the existence of the perfect martini or the perfect significant other. I suppose you could even use it to prove the existence of the perfect Muslim….just don’t do that in front of D’Souza. You’ll hurt his feelings.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:22
Why did I have to leave the Northeast?
Are you reading my mind, Jillian?
Seriously though…a debate between D’Souza and Hitchiepoo? I’d rather read the collected works of Mark Hemingway in their entirety.
Jillian said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:25
Are you kidding me? Think of the drinking game you could make out of it, if nothing else! This is going to be epic stupid! This is going to be Clash of The Morons in full Ray Harryhausen glory, for Pete’s sake!
J— said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:32
Why did I have to leave the Northeast?
Because living in Florida means you can hop over to Tampa for the REO Speedwagon concert next Tuesday.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:33
I’m surprised at the vehemence and nastiness of Hitchens’ atheism.
Ah damn it all you got me to click on the linkie.
I’d be surprised at the vehemence and nastiness of D’Souza’s so-called Xtianity, if I hadn’t already come to expect nothing better from G00per Kool-Aid drinkers.
t4toby said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:33
Too bad its not moderated by Debra Cagan. Now that would be world class!
a different brad said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:34
I’m more scared of having to sit with people who’d want to see such a debate than of having to hear the actual debate. I could go, but no.
a different brad said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:35
Actually, I couldn’t go, cuz I have a class. Aw, shucks.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:39
Suggested first line for Hitchiepoo:
“So, you’ve banged Ann Coutler. Wot’s it like?!”
(Said phrase to be slurred in an over the top Monty Python drunken Englishman accent…which won’t even require stage directions!)
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:40
Wow, rabidly intolerant Christianity and rabidly intolerant atheism. That just about covers all the bases. It’s like a debate between a Randroid and a Dominionist. Both kinds of music, Country AND Western.
Batocchio said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:02
Oh, I think this could be fun, in a train wreck sort of way. I mean, it’s painful to see D’Souza try to play scholar when about the only one he’ll fool is Jonah Goldberg. And Hitchens can certainly be a drunken lout, but at least he’s got a wit to him, which can be entertaining when he’s not being an imperialist hawk or sexist. Hitchens drunk and wrong is still about 20 times smarter than D’Souza.
I agree with Jillian that a drinking game for this event would be fantastic. For instance: “If Hitchens mentions his prayer for an erection, take a drink. If D’Souza does, take two.”
Gundamhead said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:06
“#
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 18, 2007 at 1:40
Wow, rabidly intolerant Christianity and rabidly intolerant atheism. That just about covers all the bases. It’s like a debate between a Randroid and a Dominionist. Both kinds of music, Country AND Western.”
Hehe, my thoughts exactly. Watching psycho fanatics argue with each other is terrifying and hilarious in about equal measure. You’d think they’d eventually notice how similar they are to each other.
mikey said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:09
“Alcohol is what distinguishes us from savages
The only thing I’m not sure of is do I want this on a tee shirt or a bumper sticker…
mikey
Dinner De Suzah said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:12
I wonder, how many times did Dinesh get beat up in middle and high school?
Ian said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:15
I’d rather read the collected works of Mark Hemingway in their entirety.
The collected works of Mark Hemingway? You mean like: “Sammiches in the Stream” or “Donuts in the Afternoon”?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:19
The collected works of Mark Hemingway? You mean like: “Sammiches in the Stream” or “Donuts in the Afternoon”?
Don’t forget Mark’s seminal “Pizza for Dessert”.
t4toby said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:22
You really have to feel sorry for Dinesh. School must have been hell for the poor beggar.
Short. Malformed. Brown. Funny Name. He’s like a walking Conservative Tragicomedy.
As for Hitchens, well, that’s another story.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:29
Don’t forget Mark’s seminal “Pizza for Dessert”.
In Our Tummy
Snorghagen said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:46
The collected works of Mark Hemingway? You mean like: “Sammiches in the Stream” or “Donuts in the Afternoon”?
Not to mention ‘A Farewell to Bacon and Cheeseburgers’ and ‘The Old Man and the Onion Rings’.
mikey said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:53
Jillian. LOVE the dialog. But be careful – that way lies madness.
Um, or so I’ve heard….
mikey
douglasfactors said,
October 18, 2007 at 2:53
I’m certain of the existence of something than which nothing greater can be conceived, but that something is not God, but rather the sum total of all that exists.
Me said,
October 18, 2007 at 3:00
Well, I happen to have read God is Not Great, and I can tell you that Hitchens hates all religions equally, at least based on what he writes in that book.
Ruthie said,
October 18, 2007 at 3:10
You really have to feel sorry for Dinesh. School must have been hell for the poor beggar.
But I still can’t shake the image of Dinesh furiously typing his purple-prosed polemics, while a blonde in a slutty-looking pink plastic raincoat and June Cleaver pearls reclines on the leopard print rug in his office, casting a baleful look at Sergio the pool boy through the French freedom doors.
J. A. Baker said,
October 18, 2007 at 3:20
Several years ago, when I hung around a certain (now defunct) college student-oriented website, someone used it to prove that God is a purple hot dog.
null pointer exception said,
October 18, 2007 at 3:31
Both Dinesh D’Souza and Ramesh Ponnuru are disgrace to Indians
Leonard Pierce said,
October 18, 2007 at 3:55
Dinesh used to date Ann Coulter, which, depending on your perspective, should make you feel either less sorry for him or more sorry for him.
Lame Man said,
October 18, 2007 at 4:16
Alcohol is what distinguishes us from savages
The only thing I’m not sure of is do I want this on a tee shirt or a bumper sticker
I’m thinking tattoo.
Leonard Pierce said,
October 18, 2007 at 4:21
My boy George Sainsbury says: “It is the unbroken testimony of all history that alcoholic liquors have been used by the strongest, wisest, handsomest, and in every way best races of all times.”
yoyo said,
October 18, 2007 at 4:27
“Dinesh used to date Ann Coulter, which, depending on your perspective, should make you feel either less sorry for him or more sorry for him.”
That proves that if there is a god she’s a complete and utter bastard.
Seriously great dialogue, maybe they can get aayan to joing them as hitch’s sex object.
Mona said,
October 18, 2007 at 4:43
Jillian: Hitchens may be a lot of things, but hater of “brown people” is not one of them. He’s long been close friends with Salman Rushdie and became totally freaked when the Iranian ayatollah put a fatwa/bounty on Rushdie’s head. I think it actually sent him a bit mad.
Some Guy said,
October 18, 2007 at 4:45
“Yeah. I talk like that because I’m British. We’re the only people on earth who can say ‘pusillanimous’ after fifteen whiskeys.”
You watch Hotforwords on youtube, too, eh?
Jillian said,
October 18, 2007 at 4:45
“a BIT mad”?
That’s like saying the Grand Canyon is a bit of a traffic obstacle.
Hysterical Woman said,
October 18, 2007 at 4:59
I read a Hindu story once about this atheist who hated God. Really hated God and always cursing him. After death he achieved release from rebirth (the big goal of Hinduism). The reason was he was obsessed with God, even if it was in a negative way, and that can be a form a worship.
christian h. said,
October 18, 2007 at 5:12
Please let it be on C-SPAN, please let it be on C-SPAN…
tb said,
October 18, 2007 at 5:33
Ech, that is so fuckin’ foul. Take a second and think about what the sex must have been like.
mikey said,
October 18, 2007 at 5:36
That hot, sweet wingnut secks with the deer urine, the skill saw and aunt beatrice’s galoshes. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it, bay-bee….
mikey
tb said,
October 18, 2007 at 5:42
Goh- wha? She also “dated” Jimmy Walker!
Gus said,
October 18, 2007 at 5:49
Ohmygod, I finally get it! Hitchens hates Muslims because the Koran proscribes alcohol!
cowalker said,
October 18, 2007 at 7:14
t4toby, your link to Hitchens exploiting his role in causing a young person to die in Iraq failed to amuse me. In fact, it made me want to cry and also throttle the life out of “Chris.”
Well done.
cowalker said,
October 18, 2007 at 7:28
Well, Stephen Colbert made an ass out of D’Souza.
Colbert agrees with D’Souza that liberals caused 9/11
I suspect Hitchens (unless someone spikes his miniatures with embalming fluid) will find D’Souza easy pickings. But he doesn’t deserve it.
Ruthie said,
October 18, 2007 at 7:36
As a philosophical subject, ontology chiefly deals with the precise utilization of words as descriptors of entities or realities.–Wikipedia
Bonus stupid: D’Souza uses the tail end of his written frottage of Hitchens to defend Anselm’s ontological argument.
DINESH TYPES FURIOUSLY….
This car is a lemmon.
Lemmons are yellow.
QED: This car is yellow.
atheist said,
October 18, 2007 at 11:50
Both Dinesh D’Souza and Ramesh Ponnuru are disgrace to Indians
Interesting. Pretty much how I feel about Hitchens.
DJ said,
October 18, 2007 at 14:52
Dinesh used to date Ann Coulter, which, depending on your perspective, should make you feel either less sorry for him or more sorry for him.
I believe it was actually Laura Ingraham whom he dated, when they were both students at Dartmouth.
Trilateral Chairman said,
October 18, 2007 at 16:12
Well, Stephen Colbert made an ass out of D’Souza.
Yes, and everyone else has made an ass of him too. Here’s how I see this debate going down:
* Hitchens makes an ass out of D’Souza; and, at the very same time,
* Hitchens makes an ass out of himself.
Don’t look so surprised. It is, after all, Hitch’s greatest talent.
MrWonderful said,
October 18, 2007 at 17:22
I’m with Me.
(I’ve been waiting all my life to write that.)
I read Hitchens’ book and it made me like him again. The worst part of this debate will be the fact that D’Souza, like everyone on his “team,” has no regard for the truth. He’ll blandly spout his talking points and drive Hitchens crazy with his bad faith.
Hitchens, for all his wrongheadedness on Iraq, is a clear debater and is willing to talk in good faith, at least as far as I could see when he debated Al Sharpton on CNN two months ago.
Also, D’Souza’s book is apparently called What’s So Great About Christianity.
I wish I’d thought of that as a gag title.
Rufus said,
October 18, 2007 at 18:13
“Debating” religion. Feh. These guys have been thinking Deep Thoughts about religion for a long time now. For true excitement, we should make them compete at something they’ve never done before, like swim across a river infested with hungry crocodiles.
mds said,
October 18, 2007 at 20:54
Wait, he’s defending a “logical” argument for the existence of God that Thomas Aquinas thought was rot? Sheesh, D’Souza better not ever try that one out on any educated Roman Catholics.
Both Ingraham and Coulter, actually. The man certainly seems to find vicious swine of low intelligence irresistible. I’m surprised he can tear himself away from mirrors.
TAG said,
October 23, 2007 at 19:12
I posted my rough notes and comments of the debate on my blog. You can click the name above to see it. (Oct. 23.)