Oct
17

Spitemotif




Posted at 0:47 by HTML Mencken

Ace of Spades has real sexual frustration issues, judging by the frequency with which bitter misogyny finds its way into his posts, via gratuitous aside or by direct address: Boobs characterized as “bags o’ sand,” vaginas likened to “Play-doh and bacon,” his creepy and hateful obsession with Amanda Marcotte. The subtext is always the same: women are meanies because they won’t fuck Ace.


Above: Lonely wingnut blogger ISO LTR w/anyone other than Rosie Palm

So you just knew that with the Randi Rhodes story, Ace would be true to form. Yup. Here’s the caption Ace put under Rhodes’s photo:

A computer simulation of what Randi Rhodes might look like
after extensive maxillo-facial reconstructive surgery and years of
more conventional cosmetic surgeries…
wait, that’s what she looked like before her fall?
You’re shitting me. Really? Oh, okay.
Well, I’m sure she’s funny. Or nice.
Or into anal or something.

See? ‘Bwahaha! Stupid, homely liebruhl woman! She has to take it in the ass to get any action at all!’

Yeah, well, I’m betting that Randi does just fine, which is more than can be said for (stupid, homely) Ace, who probably hasn’t been laid in this millennium.

Update: ZOMG! What wingnuts say about teh ekonomicks is true! Ace demands, so the market supplies! (Link hanx to Jillian.)

121 Comments »

  1. the_millionaire_lebowski said,

    October 17, 2007 at 0:53

    Awful

  2. Jillian said,

    October 17, 2007 at 0:54

    We should take up a collection.

    I would totally pitch in a couple of bucks to get one of these for Ace. It might make him less of a miserable SOB.

    Or d’you think it’s too “multicultural” for him?

  3. Ann Althouse said,

    October 17, 2007 at 0:58

    Dunno. . . .

    I’d hit it.

  4. mikey said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:00

    (stupid, homely) Ace, who probably hasn’t been laid in this millennium.

    Huh. Coulda swore I saw Mickey Kaus dropping off a large carton with holes in it at Ace of Spades HQ just the other day.

    But maybe it was just a new refrigerator/freezer….

    mikey

  5. HumboldtBlue said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:02

    Well, I have little use for Marcotte as a writer, but when it’s ol’ Ace spouting off I’ll hold her up as the next Hemingway (is that a sexist mis-reference?)

    But hey, when you describe female genitalia in his manner, it’s no wonder the last date you had was to the junior high prom.

  6. wingnut said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:03

    So………..

    Who’s up for a civil war?

  7. wingnut said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:04

    Better watch it, Retardo.

    There’s a cattle car with your name on it.

  8. Smiling Mortician said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:04

    A guy who looks like Ace disparaging the attractiveness of a woman who looks like Randi Rhodes . . . all I can say is that irony asked that contributions be made to charity in lieu of flowers.

  9. t4toby said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:05

    What is the logic here, Ace?

    She’s funny. Compliment.

    She’s nice. Compliment.

    Into Anal? See this is where the logic just goes haywire.

    What is it with the rightards projecting?

    And now Ace is claiming (via a commenter) that she had 14 Ketel One martinis.

    So apparently, not only is she (inexplicably) into anal, but she is a super lush, capable of Indiana Jones-style carousing.

  10. t4toby said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:07

    Not that being into anal is inexplicable…

  11. wingnut said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:08

    And now Ace is claiming (via a commenter) that she had 14 Ketel One martinis.
    No, nitwit, Gawker is claiming that.

    http://gawker.com/news/developing/was-talk-show-host-randi-rhodes-jumped-by-14-ketel-ones-311453.php

  12. a different brad said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:08

    Ace’s problem is quite simple; liberal ladies are teh hottz. Informed, self-respecting, sex-positive, not terrified by progress and 99% of the world around them, and age well thanks to eating well and not harboring festering pits of hatred inside themselves. We all should be so lucky as to find so extraordinary a woman as Amanda to do nekkid things with. But some of us actually have a chance of doing so.
    Then, there’s Ace, who wants a woman who’ll do everything for him, obey his commands, and still have that hot independent streak. It’s the new madonna-whore syndrome. Actual human-doormat.
    And, of course, liberal wimmin aren’t all upset they can’t live up to this new impossible dichotomy, further reducing Ace’s “power” over them. He’d have to treat a woman like a person to have a chance, ffs. It’s anarchy out there.

  13. Teh Eternal Order of Teh Sammiches said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:10

    We will not tire in our quest for a Sammich Gallery!

    This little wanker needs a bacon and play-doh sandwich. With extra mayo.

  14. wingnut said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:11

    liberal ladies are teh hottz.

    HAHAHAHA!! I get it! “Teh” is intentionally mispelled for comic effect!!

    YOU GUYS ARE SUCH GENIUSESES!!!

  15. t4toby said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:13

    No, nitwit, Gawker is claiming that.

    Like I even have the energy to parse the difference between you 5th tier losers.

    Nice try, wingnut.

    Is that Ace, a-trollin’ at S,N!?

    Who else would care?

  16. noen said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:14

    I believe, though I can’t prove, that some forms of schizophrenia have been related to repressed bisexual urges. I think we could use another such study only this time focusing on our 23%’ers like Ace here. I mean. you just scratch a wingnut and you get repressed same sex crap all over the place.

    Life really is better out of the closet guys.

  17. t4toby said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:15

    And I would know, cause I’m a 6th tier winner.

  18. noen said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:17

    I like pie, who’s up for some pie?

  19. wingnut said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:17

    Oh, and kudos on the Mickey Kaus Wikipedia thing!!

    IT WAS TEH BOMB!!!!

    SEE? i can haz funy like u!!!!

  20. a different brad said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:20

    noen makes a good point. I went to boarding school, then Vassar, then moved to NYC.
    And the most homoerotic culture of them all wuz rich southern boys. Easily. Not even close. It’s like that one scene in Kids all day every day. Gay pride parades aren’t as gay as southern male teens. Halloween in the West Village ain’t as gay.

  21. Steve said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:20

    Yeah, cos Ace is such a looker.

  22. Doc S. Freud said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:20

    I believe, though I can’t prove, that some forms of schizophrenia have been related to repressed bisexual urges. I think we could use another such study only this time focusing on our 23%’ers like Ace here. I mean. you just scratch a wingnut and you get repressed same sex crap all over the place.

    Zee, my dear noen, you are correct. It is repression, literally, zee tezxtbook definition of repression that comes out like, vell, ejaculate from zee penis and sprays from zee mind to zee internets.

  23. Kathleen said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:22

    Never in the field of human blogging was so much projected on so many by so few.

  24. Woodrowfan said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:23

    Why am I not surprised that Ace adds a whole new level to the word “creep.”

  25. Jillian said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:24

    I dunno….if Ace were into anal, I bet he’d get some action then.

    See how that’s NOT funny?

  26. t4toby said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:27

    No, Jillian, you have it backwards. That is very funny.

    But only if Ace were the catcher…

  27. Rufus said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:33

    According to Mark Noonan, “No woman need be alone – provided, of course, she’s willing to be a mere convenience.”

    I doubt the same could be said for Ace.

  28. a different brad said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:33

    What is this whole obsession with anal, anyway?
    Maybe I’ve only dated girls who kegel, but, ummm, what’s the major attraction?

  29. Legalize said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:34

    Wingnuttia must be a magical place to live. Illiterate? Pig ignorant? Wholly incapable of rational thought? No problem! How’d ya like to be a writer, kid?

  30. Southern Beale said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:36

    vaginas likened to “Play-doh and bacon,”

    Huh?

    I’m not getting that one …

  31. Kathleen said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:38

    SB – did you click ont he link? all will become clear. well, as clear as it can be, when talking about Ace and his projection.

  32. GotDaFeevah said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:40

    That is an alarming obsession with Amanda Marcotte, indeed. There is just no acceptable reason to have 3 pages worth of results from his website relating to her. No possible way that could be healthy.

  33. mikey said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:41

    Well, hi there, Ace – er, “Wingnut”. Yeah.

    Sheesh, try not to get your panties in a bunch.

    Yeah, your panties. The black lace thong ones you wear under your jeans.

    Some day you’re gonna end up embarrassed by that…

    Just Sayin…

    mikey

  34. bpower said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:41

    Can everyone stop saying “Play-Doh and bacon”, please?

  35. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:41

    Southern Beale said,
    October 17, 2007 at 1:36
    vaginas likened to “Play-doh and bacon,”
    Huh?
    I’m not getting that one …

    And that’s just the tip of Ace’s problems.

  36. D. Sidhe said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:41

    I believe, though I can’t prove, that some forms of schizophrenia have been related to repressed bisexual urges.

    … Wait, what? I don’t know what this means, exactly, but as a bisexual schizophrenic who wouldn’t touch Ace if he looked like the love child of Catherine Zeta-Jones and Neil de Grasse-Tyson, I’m considering being offended. Are you suggesting schizophrenia causes bisexuality? Or misogyny? Or that bisexuality causes schizophrenia? What the hell *are* you suggesting here? I’ve never noticed a link between the two in my life. Is it possible you have schizophrenia confused with multiple personality? Seriously, I don’t get it.

  37. Nullifidian said,

    October 17, 2007 at 1:53

    So………..

    Who’s up for a civil war?

    Nah, too easy to have a civil war with wingnuts. As soon as the stores of Cheetos were taken, they’d come crying to us for a peace treaty.

  38. MrWonderful said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:05

    Hasn’t been laid in this millennium?

    Dude, the millennium’s only seven years old.

    What’s the rush?

  39. wagonjak said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:06

    The line he missed was “over the shoulder bolder holders” for women’s breasts…a phrase from my callow youth…

    Maybe he can use it in one of his next posts on them loose librul sluts!

    This guy is frozen in a 6th grade level of intelligence…

  40. Lawnguylander said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:08

    Before neurochemical causes of brain disorders were known, Freud theorized that schizophrenia was caused by repressed homosexuality. And then he washed his hands of schizophrenic patients because he said psychoanalysis would never cure them. He was right about the uselessness of talk therapy alone for schizophrenics of course but he didn’t understand why. I think the endurance of the repressed homosexuality/schizophrenia theory is explainable by the fact that we all understand that if we were repressing our sexuality we’d go fucking nuts. It’s just a mistake to make the leap to a specific neurological disorder.

  41. Doctorb Science said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:10

    “Over the shoulder boulder holders” are bras, dude.

  42. Roxanne said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:14

    One word: BacheLoser

  43. Lesley said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:17

    I give Ace 3..2..1.. minutes before he’s in here saying “I was kidding, you libs can’t take a joke.” But this is just cruelty for the sake of it.

    “Or into anal” – so…every woman Ace thinks is homely must be into the sex he likes. Nice fantasy Ace, and thanks for confirming your sexual preference.

  44. Roxanne said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:17

    well, that link didn’t work, so …

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scxvReiUXno

  45. g said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:22

    Well, I don’t give a FUCK about his issues with scarey vaginas, if a person is going to make a fucking joke about another human being getting the shit beat out of her for WHATEVER reason, he’s a loser and no longer a member of the little club we call humanity.

  46. Lesley said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:24

    Sending him playdoh won’t work. See, he’s not attracted to vaginas because, in his mind, they are playdoh and bacon contructions.

    What you wanna do is send him a blow up Ken doll. If you want to piss him off, sprinkle it with bacon bits.

  47. atheist said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:34

    Damn, what a human turd. What can I say?

    It’s not enough that he jokes about this Rhodes woman being beat up- haw haw haw. He has to essentially rape her with words in the bargain.

    What a freakin’ scumbag.

    Why link to him again?

  48. HTML Mencken said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:40

    True, Lesley. The whole thing is a contradiction. He’s a heterosexual manly man, yet vaginas are icky to him. I don’t actually think he’s self-loathing homosexual. He just wants a woman for a cumdumpster and god knows what else, and doesn’t understand why no woman is attracted to such an ugly misogynist pig. He wants a woman; none will have him; ergo, he resents women.

  49. D. Sidhe said,

    October 17, 2007 at 2:50

    Thanks for the explanation, Lawnguylander. I stopped listening to Freud after it was explained to me that little girls flirt with their daddies and therefore bear some responsibility when their daddies rape them. Repressing your sexuality–whatever it is–is certainly bad for you, but it seems to make people self-destructive. That may be neurotic, but I’d like to hope we’ve moved past the place where we pretend that schizophrenia is some sort of neurotic psychosomatic issue that people bring on themselves rather than an actual disease with a genetic base.

    So, okay, not offended but annoyed at ignorance and stereotyping.

  50. Anne Laurie said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:00

    I dunno, HTML. Back during the dark ages before the intertoobs, when geeks had to socialize on paper before taking the risk of face-to-face, I met a total of three different guys whose idea of an opening gambit was, “I understand you are a feminist. Let me tell you why I hate feminism, because feminism is bad.” Two of those guys eventually came out of the closet and became much happier individuals. The third guy was in the middle of an ugly divorce, and dropped out of my circle to the extent that I could never verify the later rumor he’d been institutionalized for stalking.

    Of course data is not the plural of anecdote, but I’m not sure whether Ace’s problem with the bacon-and-playdoh gender is “Stupid wimmen, who will not let me use you as repositories for my anger!” and “Stupid wimmen, who are allowed to get all touchy & kissy with the manly manly men I can’t permit myself to get all touchy with!”

    Either way, I would advise against getting into an elevator alone with the guy, whatever your gender.

  51. mikey said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:07

    Either way, I would advise against getting into an elevator alone with the guy, whatever your gender.

    Well, sure, unless, due to your employer not being a wenie like Air America, you are packing nine pistols, three sub-guns, a couple of grenades and a KBar. Oh, and some of those righteous ninja throwing starz….

    mikey

  52. Gundamhead said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:09

    Damn! Just…wow. You know I always found Ace’s weird sexual ,uh, stuff pretty amusing because of how ridiculous it sounded. But now I’m afraid he’s crossed that line into full on loathsome. This is like Mark Steyn or Dr. Mike or Jules Crittenden loathsome. Really guy, grow up, get a grip already. You’re only embarrassing your self with this shit.

  53. jas said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:16

    I don’t care of Randi got hurt while falling down the stairs after taking eight hits of LSD. It’s just not cool to hit somebody while they’re down.

    And Ace really ought to have somebody vet his posts before they go live. He really does give way too much access to his psyche. His hatred of self-respecting women and their bodies is a dead giveaway.

  54. Lesley said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:19

    There are a few possibilities:

    Ace is straight, repressed, and sexually frustrated. He is uneasy around women and blames women for his social/sexual inadequacies.

    Ace is all of the above and also paradoxically repelled by and attracted to female anatomy. Female genitals especially freak him out. (I hope for his sake, this is not the case because that would make him a really creepy guy in real life.)

    (Ladies, how many of these guys have you met IRL? They’re pretty easy to spot.)

    Ace may be gay and deeply closeted. (A man I know frequents gay bathhouses for casual anonymous sex…terribly high risk, I know, but anyway…. Men who claim they are bi or heterosexuals unhappy with their sex lives at home surreptitiously visit the bathhouses for anal and oral sex. My friend is certain these guys are 100% gay and terrified of coming out. They typically aren’t single though.)

    It may be difficult to believe someone like Ace could be gay, but when you look at the hypocrites on the extreme right who’ve been exposed, it’s a definite possibilitiy.

  55. mikey said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:20

    I’m kind of operating on the assumption that Tim Wakefield, in another life, was in charge of an artillery battery.

    “Hey, I dunno where they’re going, I just fire them off”….

    mikey

  56. The Kenosha Kid said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:24

    Randi Rhodes is an Air Force veteran. Why does Ace hate veterans?

  57. Roxanne's Husband said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:24

    “But I just wanted you to know that. If you can hear me, if it got into your brain somehow. That I spread my buttcheeks as Mike Honcho. …”

  58. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:27

    The math is simple in terms of basic human psychology: The more you complain about teh Gay, the more you complain about any sort of sexual fetish, the more likely you are to hate yourself for feeling the same way.

    Jesus, this is the only thing the Bush Years have been good for. Identifying self-loathing perverts.

    Well, that and being glad you’re old so you don’t have to watch the final circling of the drain of the United States of American these morons have foisted upon us.

    I’m all in for getting Ace a hooker. The problem is, how weird an order do we have to place?

    Ace, let us know.

  59. "Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:30

    James Wolcott had a great reference to the right-wing blogoshpere as an “orc pit.”

  60. MrWonderful said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:34

    Yeah, I’ve referred to the GOP as the Grand Orc Party, but the “pit” part is nice…

  61. shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:38

    Isn’t Chad Castegna fulfilling his community-service by patching the sidewalks of New York City?

  62. shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:42

    Ace O’ Spuds would never hurt himself falling down on the dirt road leading to his trailer park.

  63. shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:47

    Ace O’ Spuds sneers at the possiblity that Randi Rhodes might need cosmetic surgery after her accident. Nice guy. Say there, Ace/wingnut, how much Bondo would it take to make your sloping pinhead look less neanderthal?

  64. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:49

    I think maybe we should start simple, in terms of getting Ace some gratification.

    Man, or woman, Ace?

    OK, after that, a man dressed as a woman, a woman dressed as a man, or none of the above?

    We can make sound decisions from there, I think.

    We’re just trying to help, Ace.

  65. t4toby said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:51

    Ace doesn’t even troll right. He gets outed, and lickedy split, ‘wingnut’ disappears.

    I’m kinda disappointed you didn’t fuck with him more at Aceapalooka. He really deserves a good cage shakin’.

  66. Infidel753 said,

    October 17, 2007 at 3:52

    Good grief, what’s he getting at? She’s way more attractive than he is.

    But ugly isn’t the issue. He’s hateful and weird. It’s only a matter of time before he’s caught in a public toilet, offering $20 to an undercover cop.

  67. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:01

    Probably true, Infidel753, but can we not save him from his fate?

    C’mon, Ace, inquiring minds want to know. And help.

    Lord knows you need it.

    We’ll set you up. Just name your perversion. There are websites galore to satisfy you.

  68. Huffy Henry said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:02

    Look at that first Play-doh site picture, and tell me that’s not aureole training for Ace and the other basement eagles.

  69. Anne Laurie said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:12

    …unless, due to your employer not being a weenie like Air America, you are packing nine pistols, three sub-guns, a couple of grenades and a KBar. Oh, and some of those righteous ninja throwing starz….

    Dunno, Mikey. How much Ace-spittle do you want to have to clean off your huge, rock-hard, glistening weapon collection?

  70. lobbey said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:16

    Lesley, although there is a part of me that wishes he was in that deep dark closet and is dying to get out, I don’t really think that is the case. Although it is more boring, but less creepy, I’m betting he’s just one of those guys who is nervous around women and can’t really understand them a lot. I know two or three of these guys, and they just can handle female contact of any kind, but I am pretty sure they are not gay, just un-sexual, if that is a word. I think Ace fills this hole (Fnnnr…….). How many women did the boys see at Ace-a-paluzza anyway?

    As for his comment on Randi getting the shit kicked out her, it also proves that he is a right wing scum bag, that revels in other peoples misfortune. But I don’t think it proves any more than that and we kind of knew that anyway.

  71. Dorothy said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:23

    This little wanker needs a bacon and play-doh sandwich

    I think a playdoh and bacon pink taco would be more apropos.

  72. smarterthanyou said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:23

    All this faux outrage over Ace’s comments coming from people who regularly point out Coulter’s “adam’s apple”.

    Yeah, pull the other one, libtards.

  73. InsaneInTheCheneyBrain said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:26

    I’m with you, different brad, I don’t see it.

  74. SamFromUtah said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:30

    Ace doesn’t even troll right. He gets outed, and lickedy split, ‘wingnut’ disappears.

    And then smarterthanyou shows up – is that you, Ace?

    Boo! Play-Doh!

  75. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:32

    If Annie whips out her snatch I’ll stop commenting on her Adam’s apple. Which I am not sure I’ve ever done, but maybe.

    This is a perpetually single woman who has no kids, professes to be a Christian but doesn’t seem to attend Church all that often (which I agree shouldn’t disqualify you, but the Righttards would not. Agree.), and whose entire persona is built around flaming rhetoric and hate.

    Yeah, Jesus would just love her, smarterthanyou. BTW, funny handle.

  76. smarterthanyou said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:33

    And then smarterthanyou shows up – is that you, Ace?

    I’m flattered but, no, I’m not the Great Ace of Spades.

    I’m just smarter than you.

    Now, about Coulter and your hypocrisy….

  77. smarterthanyou said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:35

    and whose entire persona is built around flaming rhetoric and hate.

    OMG!!! HOW PRECIOUS!!!11

    That’s the very thing Rhoads is known for!

    Thanks, JohnO, for proving my point.

    What a swell guy, that JohnO!!!

  78. SamFromUtah said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:35

    Coulter who?

    Isn’t she the one who was a big deal before Malkin came along?

  79. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:39

    I don’t listen, nor never have, to Rhoads. All I know is that I don’t see her very often in the corporate media, constantly hawking the books that are repetitious hate and fear, to you people who buy them every 18 months, genius. It’s all about the megaphone.

    Glad I could prove your point, though. “The Great Ace of Spades” pretty much tells me everything I need to know.

  80. Spartakus said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:39

    smarterthanyou said,

    All this faux outrage

    What outrage? You aren’t, uh, projecting, are you?

    over Ace’s comments coming from people who regularly point out Coulter’s “adam’s apple”.

    Ann Coulter has an adam’s apple? What are you saying, exactly?

  81. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:40

    When you achieve your dream and get yourself a piece of Ann, report back to us on how big her dick is, Einstein.

  82. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:42

    Would Jesus like Ann, smarterthanthou?

    C’mon, give us your deep thoughts on the matter.

  83. mikey said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:42

    **AHEM**

    Is this thing on?

    [FEEDBACK]

    Um. May I have your attention. Helloo? Attention?

    Um. Ok. I have an announcement. To make. An Announcement.

    Ladiiiiieeeesss and Gentlemen.

    An Announcement!

    “smarterthanyou” is NOT smarter than poo.

    Thank you. Now move on….

    mikey

  84. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:43

    What mikey said, but with more pie. Pie is good.

  85. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:47

    Well, no shit, mikey. Like I said, “The Great Ace of Spades” pretty much confirms a single digit IQ. I’ll bet I could correlate it with enough data.

    I just couldn’t resist the handle. Forgive me, like JWD.

    Of COURSE he’s a moron. I’m sort of a newbie here, so I’ll disengage if you insist, since I know you’re a regular. And I love your comments.

    But jeez, can’t we all just have some laughs over the moronitude? Christ, without these funny political sites, I’d be as fucked up with hate as smarterthannobody.

  86. borehole said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:49

    Mmmm. Smells like John O whipped up a heapin’ helpin’ of troll food.

    The guy’s got a point about the Coulter-as-tranny thing; maybe if he was less of a dick that’d come through a little clearer. Actually, I don’t care about the bank-shot bigotry, it’s just so fuckin’ hack, humorwise.

  87. Some Guy said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:52

    I’m amused that needle-nose George Lucas McJowel is making fun of someone’s appearance.

    Dude, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gillette_Mach3 Seriously. Try it.

    Christ, did a frustrated and bored 7th grader find S,N! again?

  88. Some Guy said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:55

    See, borehole, he WOULD have a point, except that if Coulter was assaulted and beaten about the head/face area, I’m pretty confident that those jokes would stop.

    As opposed to Ace, who sees fit to use said attack as a springboard for “ZOMG she was that ugly BEFORE she was kicked in the face!?”.

    But then, we have souls. *shrug*

  89. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:55

    It’s true, borehole. These people make me a little crazy. For the record, I don’t care if Annie has a dick, I care that she hates women who also have one.

    I’m sorry, and I’m done. G’night all, and have fun. This is one kick-ass website.

  90. Me said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:56

    I’m betting he’s just one of those guys who is nervous around women and can’t really understand them a lot

    Truthfully, I somewhat fit that description myself. In fact, I think quite a lot of men do. Where men like me diverge from Mr. Spades, as in all things, is a refusal to give in to our confusion and fear, and allow those two feelings to merge into hatred.

  91. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:58

    Goddamn it, stop egging me on.

    I do NOT want Annie to become any kind of martyr whatsoever. Just as with Bush and Cheney, I want her to live long lives to see just how wrong they are. And I want her free speech protected, too.

    Nutty that way, I suppose.

    I’m sort of anti-war, mostly because every depiction of it I’ve ever seen looks like kind of a drag. Boy, did I have a lucky birth date.

    I’m sure smarterthannobody thinks I’m a pussy because of it.

  92. Gundamhead said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:59

    smarterthanyou, if Coulter had been severely injured and S,N! had made a post about how funny that is, then yes it would be hypocrisy. But they didn’t so it’s not. You’re obviously trying to change the subject and project onto us because you can’t defend Ace otherwise. Pretty typical wingnut tactic.

  93. unrelatedwaffle said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:03

    Aw, it’s no fun troll-baiting when he can’t even string a coherent unintentionally funny sentence together. You know an exclamation point can ruin a relationship, don’t you, smarterthanyou?

  94. borehole said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:04

    Oh, no doubt, John, but it’s not like Malkin with internment–there’s nothing hypocritical about being anti-gay and looking like a drag queen. She’s just a horrid bitch.

    I was trying to find something positive to say about the site’s douche du jour, okay? Gotta cultivate your trolls, give ‘em a safe space for dickery.

  95. borehole said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:06

    The “no doubt” referring to your 4:55 comment.

  96. g said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:09

    libtards.

    Yeah, he is smarter than we are. Who else could come up with such a clever retort?

  97. a different brad said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:10

    Wait…
    Ann Coulter has an adam’s apple. It’s quite prominent.
    Vaginas are not made of bacon and playdoh.
    Nope, not smarter than I iz.

  98. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:11

    I agree totally, borehole. It makes me crazy when the “left” (you know, all 65% of us) makes fun of Rudy making fun of himself, and goofing off.

    That’s is hardly what’s scary about the man.

    Anyway, I didn’t mean to offend anyone, even smarterthannobody. I asked what I thought were some legit questions, and haven’t heard back since. Shouldn’t I get some credit for that? :-)

    Thanks to all of you for being so smart, funny, and caring.

  99. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:14

    All right, I’ve made a serious life decision. I’m staying up, typos aside, and fighting the good fight. All it means in the end is another day less than 100% at work.

    I can’t resist laughing.

  100. g said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:20

    Did Ann Coulter pose for Maxim? Cause I’m seeing little comments like that in various places online.

    Oh, wait.

    It’s Here

  101. tb said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:26

    She dated Bob Guccione for awhile.

  102. Pvt. Joker said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:44

    Today I saw Ace headed over to KausHaus. I didn’t know you could fit a goat costume over a wetsuit.

  103. Lesley said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:47

    Now, about Coulter and your hypocrisy….

    Rich. Coulter’s a total poseur who will say anything to peddle another of her stupid books. She’s “half catholic and half protestant,” periodically attends church, and yet rants like a christian fundie, berating jews for their “imperfect” religious practices.

    I don’t like the “I’d hit it” comments, but if someone wants to slap a sammich over her adam’s apple i could care less.

  104. g said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:48

    Two wetsuits.

  105. Johnny Coelacanth said,

    October 17, 2007 at 5:50

    I miss Lost Dog. Those were the good old days of, what, sixteen hours ago? Back when a Righteous Fan of Limbaugh came upon the scene to lead us out of the swamp of Stalinism and socialized health care, and we beat him about the head and neck with the Constitution and other sturdy rhetorical devices. Good times. Nowadays all we have is drive-by fucktards with unimaginative names and weak insults. Speaking of which, where’s Gary Ruppert?

  106. SamFromUtah said,

    October 17, 2007 at 6:07

    Yeah, those were the days, sixteen hours or so ago.

    But it’s helping define the pattern of wingnut stimulus-response behaviors:

    - Write a post trashing Malkin = DOS attacks.
    - Write a post trashing Ace = Ultra-lame trolls.

    What else have we learned?

  107. Infidel753 said,

    October 17, 2007 at 6:15

    Nah, Ace doesn’t seem like a wetsuit kind of guy. Maybe a layer of Play-doh with a layer of bacon underneath…..

  108. John O said,

    October 17, 2007 at 6:16

    SamfromUtah:

    That both subsets you note are complete ignorant, racist, selfish lunatards?

    Just a theory.

  109. t4toby said,

    October 17, 2007 at 6:28

    Damn. That is the funnest thhing Maxim has ever produced.

    EvAR!!!1!!11!

  110. SamFromUtah said,

    October 17, 2007 at 6:28

    That both subsets you note are complete ignorant, racist, selfish lunatards?

    Just a theory.

    Like evolution, it’s just a theory, but one that has served us well for decades.

  111. Incontinentia Buttocks said,

    October 17, 2007 at 7:49

    Lost Dog? I miss Bruce!

  112. RobW said,

    October 17, 2007 at 8:51

    Anne Laurie said,

    October 17, 2007 at 4:12

    “…unless, due to your employer not being a weenie like Air America, you are packing nine pistols, three sub-guns, a couple of grenades and a KBar. Oh, and some of those righteous ninja throwing starz….”

    Dunno, Mikey. How much Ace-spittle do you want to have to clean off your huge, rock-hard, glistening weapon collection?

    I don’t know how to tell y’all this, but that ain’t spittle. I know, ew.

    If anyone here knows how to sterilize a firearm, I’m guessing it’s Mikey.

    Anyway, I didn’t mean to offend anyone, even smarterthannobody. I asked what I thought were some legit questions, and haven’t heard back since.

    Wait, what? I thought this was about getting Ace laid. I can’t chip in much, but if he wants to fly to Vegas, I can meet him at the airport and drive him to Pahrump.

    As for the smart one, it’s all a mistake. That’s supposed to be “smarterthanewe” but, being only marginally smarter than a farm animal (evidenced by the ability to type), he/she wrote “you” instead of “ewe” and really meant to write “MarieJon’”.

    Obviously, nobody with a functioning frontal lobe would use the classic “I know you are but what am I” argument and try to pass as smarter than a brain-damaged puppy barking at a rock.

  113. justme said,

    October 17, 2007 at 11:59

    I think Ace is just trying to re-hash that old joke,

    “What’s the difference between a bitch and a slut?
    A slut will fuck anybody. A bitch will fuck anybody but me.”

    Clearly, to Ace, all women are bitches.

    Jillian, I think he needs one of these instead.

    http://www.muttonbone.com/store.html

  114. atheist said,

    October 17, 2007 at 12:06

    Where men like me diverge from Mr. Spades, as in all things, is a refusal to give in to our confusion and fear, and allow those two feelings to merge into hatred.

    Yeah. There’s nothing wrong with being inexperienced, whether you are a man or a woman.

    There’s a lot wrong with hating women as much as Ace obviously does, and it is bizzarre that he decides to broadcast it, and revel in it like a pig rolling in filth.

  115. Five of Diamonds said,

    October 17, 2007 at 17:17

    So, you’re calling Randi Rhodes ugly? Is that all you got? I’ve heard better insults from third-graders.

  116. MzNicky said,

    October 17, 2007 at 19:19

    I’m all in for getting Ace a hooker.

    Why? What have you got against hookers?

  117. Dorothy said,

    October 17, 2007 at 19:28

    But it’s helping define the pattern of wingnut stimulus-response behaviors:

    - Write a post trashing Malkin = DOS attacks.
    - Write a post trashing Ace = Ultra-lame trolls.

    What else have we learned?

    Um…
    - mention Confederated Yanqui Enterprises = DOS attacks
    - mention Slathering of Seagulls = troll infestation

  118. annejumps said,

    October 17, 2007 at 21:29

    What is this whole obsession with anal, anyway?
    Maybe I’ve only dated girls who kegel, but, ummm, what’s the major attraction?

    For some, that is, those with issues, the attraction is getting a girl to do something she doesn’t really want to do. If she wants it, well, we can’t have that; that takes all the fun out of it.

  119. Dr Zen said,

    October 18, 2007 at 1:16

    I’m not into pigeonholing or anything, but being into vaginas is pretty much a requirement for entry into the straight club for men. If you only like arse sex you really do have some questions that need answering.

  120. stringonastick said,

    October 18, 2007 at 2:26

    Ace is obviously the kind of guy who does the big bluster macho crap and then turns out to be the worst lay ever, followed by being all pissy about it when it is pointed out that 5 seconds ain’t exactly a smorgasbord of satisfaction. I believe the term from some Woody Allen movie was “Kafka-esque”, but at least Woody had the stones (and mouth) to stick with the project, as it were.

  121. Sadly, No! » From Butch To Bitch in Two Elections said,

    January 27, 2013 at 9:52

    [...] Remember the old days when Bush was King, Ace was the most macho sort of Joker, and liberals were ugly queens who took it in the ass, their bacon and play-doh bits aquiver and pendulous breasteses “clattering” like bags [...]

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()