11
Stalk Amongst Yourselves
Spend a bit of time in La Malkin’s flying monkey proving ground, and you can only come to one conclusion:
You people need to kiss our asses a whole lot more. And by ‘our asses,’ I mean ‘my ass.. Not Gavin’s or Bradrocket’s or Seb’s or Mencken’s or Leonard’s or Jillian’s or Clif’s or Traviseseses’. . .mine. The guy who does by far the least around here.
Here’s why. If Michelle Malkin — Michelle-fucking-Malkin — can be the recipient of more bowing and scraping by her commenters than some Pharoahs I know, then why not me? I’m roughly as useless to the body politic as that harpy. Less useless, in fact, since she actually takes things off the table of our national discourse, whereas I just occasionally put the salad fork where the dess***ert fork is supposed to go.
Seriously, take a look at the comments for her most recent post. Keep in mind that this is a post in which she cravenly declines an invitation to debate an ideological foe in a neutral venue. Not that you would know that from the hosannahs of ‘Courage, thy name is Malkin!’ issuing forth from her kowtowing gang of sycophants.
On October 11th, 2007 at 12:29 am, StephC said:
Michelle, I really don’t know how you do it. I don’t think I would have the resolve to keep doing, day after day, what you do. You bring so much to light about what is wrong in politics today. And you put up with more crap than probably anyone else. I couldn’t do it. I have much respect for what you do, and how you handle yourself.
On October 11th, 2007 at 12:37 am, gatewaypundit said:
And, there you have it. That is why there is no one better than Michelle Malkin!
On October 11th, 2007 at 12:41 am, Thomas said:
… I only wish I had half the strength to deal with such disagreeable people that you have.
On October 11th, 2007 at 12:59 am, Alphonse said:
Ezra Klein? Never heard of him. Is a response necessary? The eagle does not do battle with the fly.
On October 11th, 2007 at 1:02 am, Chad Castagana said:
I would terrorize prominent liberals with fake anthrax letters to the ends of the earth for you, m’lady!
Okay, I made that last one up. Still, the other ones are real, and all that pathetic brown-nosing happens within the first 12 comments on that post.
So again, what the fuck is wrong with you people? Brad and John Cole have already laid out the reasons why we need to fight fire with fire in battling these character-assassinating garbage-sifters. So where in the hell are the comparisons of me to an eagle? What about my ‘resolve, to keep doing, day after day’ what I do*? If Malkin’s commenters wish they had ‘half the strength’ of their heroine, my commenters better fucking wish they had ‘a quarter of the strength’ of me! Shit, I’d even take ‘three-sevenths the strength’! I’m not asking for a lot here, people.
I’m just asking for you to get off your cynical asses and do your small bit in showering me with undeserved praise. You do want to win our country back, don’t you?
Instead, the typical Sadly, No! commenter’s M.O. is to one-up my posts with better snark and more informed commentary. Thanks a fucking lot, wiseasses. I’ll tell you what — Malkin thanks you. The War Party thanks you. The Religious Right thanks you. They love the fact that lefty comedy blog readers spend all their time out-clevering their hosts instead of telling me what a courageous, high-soaring Eagle of Truth I am.
So here’s a thought. How about putting your mad rhetorical skillz to work one-upping yourselves on what an Ace Blogger I am? I need you to do it. This blog needs you to do it. A little place called America** needs you to do it.
*Graciously allow others on this site to break news and make jokes that I could totally beat them to, if I wasn’t so unselfishly lazy.
**Maybe you’ve heard of it in passing, when something distracted you from being funnier than me and not blowing me in the comment threads of my posts. Traitors.
***UPDATE: Friggin’ pedants. Also, this screws up the natural order of the footnotes. Hope yer happy, spelling Nazis.
Ian said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:01
Dude, you’re the shiz…..
Wait a minute… “desert fork?”
Rufus said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:03
Blow me, loser.
ortho_bob said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:09
And her fans have proper names like Alphonse.
Leonard Pierce said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:13
What is this bullshit? I’m going to take this as a challenge! I can do WAY less for America than D.! Why, if I put my mind to it, I could avoid twice as many debates and avoid serious discussion of twice as many legitimate political issues as he can! If anyone should be cyber-fellated around here, it’s me!
I am willing to sit around drinking gin and not posting anything for as long as it takes to prove my courage.
SamFromUtah said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:13
If that fake Chad Castagana comment hadn’t used proper grammar and multisyllable words, I’d have fallen for it.
I won’t kiss your ass, but how about this?
[genuflect]
dave said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:14
D. Aristophanes, teh greatest philosopher since Plotinus. Why, your writing makes Anaxagoras the Ionian look like Proticus the Sophist!11!!!11
Thud said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:18
D, all you have to do is pretend to be a bunch of different people and flatter yourself. Honestly, have we learned nothing from right-wing tactics?
Dhalgren said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:19
And, there you have it. That is why there is no one better than D. Aristophanes
atheist said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:19
D., you are the light of my life. You are like my mother and my father and my pet hegehog, rolled into one.
You are a Bald Eagle of righteousness, holding the salad fork in your left claw, while perched at the table of our national discourse. In between tearing apart the rump roast of truth with your sharp beak of inquiry, you also shriek at the wingnuts and bat them across the head with your wing.
Without you, life would be nothing but loneliness and sadness, forever.
Lawnguylander said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:22
And her fans have proper names like Alphonse.
And “MrArchieBunker”.
As for you D., Oh, most magnificent and merciful majesty, master of the universe, protector of the meek, whose nose we are not worthy to pick and whose very feces are an untrammeled delight and whose peacocks keep us awake all hours of the night with their noisy lovemaking, we beseech thee, tell thy humble servants which are the real Gary Rupperts and which are the fake.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:23
I think that I shall ever please
The godlike Aristophanes
Have wetsuit, will travel.
Cangrejero said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:24
Gather round, men of teh intartoobs, and listen to my tale of the grand warrior-philosopher D Aristophanes! The one with the strength to smite Vox Day in the field of battle at Cobra Kai! He with the speed to outrun the the most foul Dan Riehl! Why I once heard he drank the vile Ann Althouse under the table! Jonah Goldberg fears him more than he fears his own mother! More than he fears treadmills!
To
Bill BraskyD. Aristophanes!mrstrailerco said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:26
Why does this remind me of Fred Thompson asking that audience in Iowa for a round of applause?
Nuff Ced McGreavey said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:30
Are we up to 12 asskisses yet?
joannegm said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:31
It must be so much fun to reside in Malkin’s egocentric little world. You know, the one in which since Michelle Malkin’s husband earns enough bling to make significant contributions into an MSA, hey, there’s no problem. Problem solved! No evil government intervention needed.
Of course, for most people the concept of MSAs is a joke. They couldn’t possibly make contributions to it that would be of any use should something actually happen to them—this is assuming anyone on a salary and paying rent/mortgage these days has anything left to set aside anyhow. once more, the WSJ has got out its pompoms for a solution that helps only the well to do.
t4toby said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:33
Wow, D, just Wow.
Really, there are no words.
I would try, but I would only fail.
with the words. and the thoughts. and stuff.
MrWonderful said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:34
Yes, well, we’re very sorry you feel that way, but we just wanted a simple block of flats.
Ripley said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:34
D., your throbbing Patriotism is an inspiration to us all. And you’re a snappy dresser!
GotDaFeevah said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:34
D. Aristophanes,
What a great blogger thou art! I wish most of all for the honor of bearing you a brood of snarky liberal offspring, so as to carry on the line of your greatness!
bemused said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:39
I worship the ground you walk on. You are the only thing between a decent civilization and utter chaos. You do the things we can’t or won’t do, but that must be done. We need you on that wall, man, and by God, we really can’t handle the truth.
Wait a minute. I thought you were Brad. Who are you?
DocAmazing said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:42
I want to have your baby.
With a light cream sauce. And a nice Sangiovese and a spinach salad.
J— said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:43
Oh, DA, you’re so fine.
You’re so fine, you blow my mind.
Hey, DA.
Hey, DA.
Seriously, that Castagana line made me laugh out loud.
wagonjak said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:43
Sadly No!, along with TPM, Digby, Pandagon, FireDogLake, Daily Kos, Crooks & Liars and Huffington Post are the sites I wander through every morning to get a feeling for what’s up in political news and snark, and I have to say you guys here can snark with the best…
Thanks for all the entertainment and enlightenment you provide daily!
Djur said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:46
Ezra Klein? Never heard of him. Is a response necessary? The eagle does not do battle with the fly.
See, I thought this was a parody. After the whole Gathering of Eagles and Eagle’s Nest and Eagle Eagle Eagle stuff, and what with the editorial cartoons comparing Iranians to cockroaches, I would have never believed that someone would actually combine a Noble (Honorary) Aryan Eagle metaphor with a Despicable Liberal (And Incidentally Jewish) Insect metaphor, let alone in a single sentence.
Eric said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:46
Sorry, you’re not a female asian light of weight extermination proser.
That comment thread you quoted is just distilled leg humpery. Finely, finely distilled. But leg humpery none the less.
You know, that computer room gets mighty lonely after a long day of culture soldiering on the internet. Where else to find relief but through detatched flirtation in the comments section on an insane blog.
Fishbone McGonigle said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:47
I had no idea that screeching harpy allowed comments on her site.
joannegm said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:49
All together now: [Hands and head hitting floor]
We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!
Bookish said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:53
You’re worth, like, three Michelle Malkins, an Ed Morrissey, and 324 Jonah Goldbergs (but in all honesty, he’s the online equivalent of the peso, so take that how you will).
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:54
Haha Eric that reminds me of the Seinfeld explanation for why guys love to see two beautiful women fighting: they are hoping that maybe, just maybe, they’re going to accidentally kiss.
Like if you flatter her enough Ms Malky might send you a woman-scented reply or let you touch her booby.
But I don’t know, something about what Michelle does seems even trashier and less self-respecting than literally being a prostitute. Following up on the ever controversial “would you still hit that” theme: after this last week I would have to say, no, probably not.
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:56
but in all honesty, he’s the online equivalent of the peso
Is that more or less than a dollar these days? Its gotten so bad that yesterday I heard someone say, “unless your money is green”.
Batocchio said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:58
It’s fine to soar with the eagles, but a weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine.
eRobin said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:58
Oh you’re way better than an eagle. You’re a Dolphin for Democracy. Everyone knows that dolphins are the smartest, cutest, most terrorist-hating beings on the planet - plus they get all their errands done without arms or legs to help them out. That’s something.
I treasure your every hoop jump and backflip. I hang on each dispatch from Greater Wingnuttia. I am forever grateful for your vigilance as you hunt for the metaphorical “suspicious swimmers” in our midst, defending this great country (NUMBER ONE!) and the not-so-great rest of the world in your spare time.
Feel free to use your arms and legs though. We can’t all be actual dolphins … yet.
joannegm said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:59
“A debate on health care would be a waste of time.”
Translation: “I am about a billion light years away from a single coherent fact within my grasp on the subject of health care. All I have to hurl is my free market doctrine, which is a 100% fact-free religion. Ergo, ‘debate’ as such, is impossible.”
Marco said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:00
My Sunny D,
You are a light in the darkness. The silver lining in the cloud. The cat on those weird calendars that tells me to “Hang in there!” The chocolate in my peanut butter. The wind beneath my things.
Thank you,
Marco
J— said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:02
Djur: It’s an old Latin saying, as is “An eagle does not give birth to a dove.”
W. Kiernan said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:05
Bookish: You’re worth, like, three Michelle Malkins, an Ed Morrissey, and 324 Jonah Goldbergs (but in all honesty, he’s the online equivalent of the peso, so take that how you will).
That’s pretty harsh, for you to say that he is completely worthless.
tigrismus said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:05
Like IRA’s, MSA’s have strict rules including maximum contributions, up to a limit of 75% of the deductible. There’s also a hard cap of $4,087.50 (for 2007), as the maximum allowable deductible for a family is $5,650. The out-of-pocket cap is $6,650, so even if a family saved the max there’d still be a gap of over $2500 to make up. Not the panacea some would like to pretend, especially for families with severe long-term medical issues.
And you whores better STEP BACK, DA is mine.
Legalize said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:05
Not to fear, Michelle has moved on to being outraged about an equally pernicious, er outrage - the lighting of the Empire State Building during a Muslim holiday:
http://michellemalkin.com/2007/10/11/the-green-glow-of-dhimmitude/
Personally, I’m a fan of the clean white light. I also like the bright amber color.
J— said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:06
Actually, the original saying in Latin is that the eagle doesn’t hunt or catch flies. It’s not about doing battle.
Eric said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:12
Sadly, Cambridgeport –
I’d say that shark jumped following the cheerleader video. She could de-sexualize both the french maid and schoolgirl if she donned those costumes, too. Plus, she could really use a sandwich or three. That insurance company was right!
dex said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:16
“cliff, for d. aristophanes”
oh, d
sometimes it must be difficult not to feel as if
you really are a cliff, d
when fascists keep trying to push you over it
are they the lemmings?
or are you d?
or are you, d?
Bookish said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:17
Kiernan,
Would it help if I added a Joe Klein? No? Well…then I apologize.
HumboldtBlue said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:18
Can we have a snack and juice box now? How say thus?
MCH said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:19
d’Aristophanes the Great, Gifted of Rhetoric and Too Proud to Grovel, whose Mother was a Hamster and whose Father smelt of Elderberries, Slayer of Dragons and Bequeather of Pwnage, upon His shining Steed of Pure-driven Win, we doth salute thee!
Woodrowfan said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:21
wait, I thought this blog was written by Doghouse Riley? Who ARE you guys???
Lakeesha Shaidle said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:22
D-Ars, I’d blow you, but I’m too busy bitching at all the loser minorities standing in front of me in the welfare line.
lolcat said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:23
U kan haz mi cheezburger
MzNicky said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:25
Who are the Pharoahs you know? I’m just wondering if they’re the same ones I know.
Jim/The Velvet Blog said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:26
I just put some $ in the tip jar. How’s that?
mextremist said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:31
fer real, d, how can i explain the depths of my fascination for your prose?
if you were a dildo, id wrap you in a condom and put you up my ass while i wear 2 (yes, two!) wet suits and suspend myself with an elaborate BDS&M setup I hide from my parishioners.
if you were a piece of meat, i’d slather you with salsa and wrap you in a tortilla, and put this heavenly taco of magnanimity up my ass while i wear 2 (yes, two!) wet suits and suspend myself with an elaborate BDS&M setup I hide from my parishioners.
if you were an illegal immigrant, i’d take you in, and welcome you in the sanctuary of my ass, where I would wrap you in a warm blanket while i wear 2 (yes, two!) wet suits and suspend myself with an elaborate BDS&M setup I hide from my parishioners.
that better?
AkaDad said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:31
I think most of us can agree that D.A. represents all that is good and wholesome in the world…
mikey said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:35
I’ve been meaning to say something nice to you, DA, but as I pointed out in an earlier thread, I can’t spell it.
Won’t eve try.
But your eagle definitely kicks my fly’s ass…
mikey
Lame Man said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:35
Where the hell is my desert fork?
freddy said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:39
Your dessert fork?
Ask mextremist…
MCH said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:41
Ain’t a “desert fork” better called a “spoon”? Sand always goes right through my forks.
Me said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:44
D. A*********** (for your name must not be written or spoken), You are the First Cause of All Things. You are that you are.
D. A***********, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.
Pvt. Joker said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:47
It’s even scarier than simple fandom, DA. The more these people (Malkin, Limbaugh, Bush, et al.) fuck up, the more their hard-core devotees worship them. Hell, Bush has made a cottage industry of giving medals to bed-shitters. The whole thing is very weird (and not the good kind of weird).
darrelplant said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:50
How about putting your mad rhetorical skillz to work one-upping yourselves on what an Ace Blogger I am?
“Ace Blogger”? or “Ace of Spades Blogger”?
John said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:51
What’s all this fuss I keep hearing about Dairy Stephanies? Is that anything like Stephanie Powers? Oh, I used to love Stephanie Powers on Hart to Hart. And that Max… always getting into some sort of mischief! I don’t remember any of it taking place on a dairy farm, but I could be confusing Hart to Hart with Simon and Simon. Or Matlock. Anyway, I don’t think this “blog” or whatever you call it has any right to… huh? What’s that? Oh. Never mind.
erlking said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:53
AkaDad say, “I think most of us can agree that D.A. represents all that is good and wholesome in the world…”
The world? Nay, the universe or any potential plane of existence out there, says I.
But seriously, what else do you expect from cringing, servile, authoritarian-worshipping, bootlicking toadies? To expect them to act any different is to mistake the nature of the beast.
I’m sorry. Did I call them mean names? I suck.
Jacob Singer said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:53
Stick a desert fork in Iraq. It’s done.
Ok, I got nuttin’…
Dancing in outer space said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:58
I think Ayn Rand said it best:
D.A is D.A
Heydave said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:58
You probably molest eagles, don’t you?
Seriously, you don’t suck.
Too badly.
Djur said,
October 11, 2007 at 20:58
J–: Actually, I knew that. I was also going to comment on the fact that the eagle was something of a symbol of Rome and its pagan religion, but I thought it’d be too dull to even mention.
They should just get to shouting Deus vult! so we can all get on with our lives.
Tim said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:07
“The eagle does not do battle with the fly.”
I’ve never given much thought to this but when you stop to think about it, it truly is a rare occasion.
owlbear1 said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:15
Lickspittle, lickspittle, and swoon!
Clutch414 said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:20
D. Aristophanes, you ARE the wind beneath MY wings.
Does that work?
Clutch414 said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:21
Crap. I didn’t realize we weren’t allowed to mention his name.
King Quaker said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:27
Kiss your ass?
Not going to happen.
You ain’t Geo. Bush and I ain’t a member of the press corp.
A Bus Ride to Heaven said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:29
I know none of those stories are true and I swear I never thought it could happen to me, but there I was waiting for the Bus when D.A. walked up…
t4toby said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:41
Always with the O/T!
More Conservative Humor.
Put down your liquids, folks, cause he’s bringing the funny!
Northern Observer said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:43
You what D.Aristophanes its just one of the downsides of beeing a deluded leftist, no fuhrerprincip, otherwise we would shower you with empty compliments too.
J— said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:46
Djur: Pardon my pedantry, then.
Five of Diamonds said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:49
D.,
I’d kill the unborn baby jesus, end christmas, give homosexuality-laden blankets to schoochildren and worship Darwin with you until the end of the world! You are such an Eagle!
MCH said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:50
Jimmy Carter pwns Cheney! http://www.reuters.com/article/newsOne/idUSN1026419120071010
“He’s a militant who avoided any service of his own in the military … You know he’s been a disaster for our country,” Carter said.
Of course, within days I bet he’ll “apologize”.
Galactic Dustbin said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:56
D. Aristophanes is the kindest, bravest, warmest man I have ever met.
Why yes I’d love to play some solitare.
Ganesh Bengal Cat said,
October 11, 2007 at 21:57
i kilt u a birdy
but i eated it
cept sum gutz heer thay r 4 u
You are like my mother and my father and my pet hegehog, rolled into one.
atheist has hejhog?
wate heer
i b rite bak
Lesley said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:00
The eagle does not do battle with the fly.
The eagle made the fly an offer and the fly wisely refused.
Flies may have smaller brains but they know what eats them (appetizer/snack/ when there’s nothing else in the fridge).
Snowwy said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:03
In America, we ruled by hill spoons and prairie fork.
In Iraq, we need desert fork. Desert fork. Do you understand?
Lesley said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:04
How about putting your mad rhetorical skillz to work one-upping yourselves on what an Ace Blogger I am?
You’re the Ace of Frickin’ Spades!!!!!!!! my good man. Uh wait… sorry I didn’t mean..
r4d20 said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:11
I will declare the manly deeds of Aristophanes, the first that he achieved, the thunder wielder.
He slew the dragon, then disclosed the waters, and cleft the channels of the mountain torrents.
He slew the dragon lying on the mountain: his heavenly bolt of thunder Twashtar fashioned.
Like lowing cows in rapid flow descending the waters glided downward to the ocean.
Impetuous as a bull, he chose the Soma , and quaffed in threefold sacrifice the juices.
Maghavan grasped the thunder for his weapon, and smote to death this firstborn of the dragons.
When, Aristophanes, thou hadst slain the dragons’ firstborn, and overcome the charms of the enchanters,
Then, giving life to sun and dawn and heaven, thou foundest not one foe to stand against thee.
Aristophanes with his own great and deadly thunder smote into pieces Vritra worst of Vritras.
As trunks of trees, what time the axe hath felled them, low on the earth so lies the prostrate dragon.
He, like a mad weak warrior, challenged Aristophanes, the great impetuous many-slaying hero.
He, brooking not the clashing of the weapons, crushed Aristophanes’s foe, the shattered forts in falling ,
Footless and handless, still he challenged Aristophanes, who smote him with his bolt between the shoulders.
Emasculate yet claiming manly vigor, thus Vritra lay with scattered limbs dissevered. . .
Nothing availed him lightning, nothing thunder, hailstorm or mist which he had spread around him:
When Aristophanes and the dragon strove in battle, Maghavan gained the victory forever.
Whom sawest thou to avenge the dragon, Aristophanes, that fear possessed thy heart when thou hadst slain him;
That, like a hawk affrighted through the regions, thou crossedst nine-and-ninety flowing rivers?
Aristophanes is king of all that moves and moves not, of creatures tame and horned, the thunder-wielder.
Over all living men he rules as sovereign, containing all as spokes within the felly.
r4d20 said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:12
I will declare the manly deeds of Aristophanes, the first that he achieved, the thunder wielder.
He slew the dragon, then disclosed the waters, and cleft the channels of the mountain torrents.
He slew the dragon lying on the mountain: his heavenly bolt of thunder Twashtar fashioned.
Like lowing cows in rapid flow descending the waters glided downward to the ocean.
Impetuous as a bull, he chose the Soma , and quaffed in threefold sacrifice the juices.
Maghavan grasped the thunder for his weapon, and smote to death this firstborn of the dragons.
When, Aristophanes, thou hadst slain the dragons’ firstborn, and overcome the charms of the enchanters,
Then, giving life to sun and dawn and heaven, thou foundest not one foe to stand against thee.
Aristophanes with his own great and deadly thunder smote into pieces Vritra worst of Vritras.
As trunks of trees, what time the axe hath felled them, low on the earth so lies the prostrate dragon.
He, like a mad weak warrior, challenged Aristophanes, the great impetuous many-slaying hero.
He, brooking not the clashing of the weapons, crushed Aristophanes’s foe, the shattered forts in falling ,
Footless and handless, still he challenged Aristophanes, who smote him with his bolt between the shoulders.
Emasculate yet claiming manly vigor, thus Vritra lay with scattered limbs dissevered. . .
Nothing availed him lightning, nothing thunder, hailstorm or mist which he had spread around him:
When Aristophanes and the dragon strove in battle, Maghavan gained the victory forever.
Whom saw thou to avenge the dragon, Aristophanes, that fear possessed thy heart when thou hadst slain him;
That, like a hawk affrighted through the regions, thou crossed
nine-and-ninety flowing rivers?
Aristophanes is king of all that moves and moves not, of creatures tame and horned, the thunder-wielder.
Over all living men he rules as sovereign, containing all as spokes within the felly.
t4toby said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:14
I think Ace does a terrible service to Mötorhead with that moniker.
atheist said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:20
Lemmy totally should kick his ass.
brendan said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:20
We don’t worship. We compete, constantly. That’s because our side believes in evolution.
Lesley said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:20
This may be a good time to put the on-par Canadian dollar in the tip jar.
tb said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:22
You’re forgetting the last part of that obscure Peruvian saying: “nor does she stalk children and root around in their trash like some kind of bottom-feeder” but there you go.
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:27
Thanks t4toby that was… depressing. Loved this bit:
The problem with equating Eid/Ramandan with Hanukkah and Christmas is that a large percentage of those celebrating that first holiday, tend to support the murder of those celebrating the other two.
Nominally sharing the faith of terrorists from another culture = murder
Actively supporting a war that kills thousands of innocent Muslims = ?
And it’s not as though this is going to be enough for those it’s meant to appease. It never is.
As opposed to the religious right, which would totally shut up and go away if we would just take down the green lights.
r4d20 said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:38
Why are my posts getting filtered?
DA Stalker said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:44
u r the blue to my jeans.
u r the pen to my cil.
u r the jack to my ass.
u r the george to my bush….
um….
golly, that didn’t come out quite right. but u get my point.
Sadly! there is no us without U
Hysterical Woman said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:49
I type out my email on a public computer for you, DA.
cowalker said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:53
The eagle may not do battle with the fly, but I’ve seen eagles hanging out at the Juneau dump, slacking, prob’ly talking about tail, while they wait for an easy nugget that won’t fly or swim away.
You, D. Aristophanes, are more like the canny spider. You wait patiently for the smallest shudder in your worldwide web. When you sense that tremor you scuttle over and extrude sticky, amusing silk all over whatever disgusting insectoid being has foolishly exposed itself, and it’s what’s for dinner. (No desert fork needed: you can skip that task in the future.)
O mighty Arachnid, we benefit from your succulent bounty.
isaac said,
October 11, 2007 at 22:56
good gentle mole
burrowing down the rat hole
keeping me free of
malkin regurgitee
bjacques said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:02
DA, the sun shines out of your ass so brightly I got a sunburn while typing this. I am driven to suicidal despair at the thought that there are fewer than a million of you.
Dain Brammaged said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:06
Ok, you can have your bucket back.
Jake H. said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:09
Holy shit, I clicked onto the Malkin link against my better judgment–what the hell is going ON over there? The post is like 85 pages long and has approximately 4,000 updates at the top. It’s like the All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy scene or something. Is she capable of starting a NEW post, or did the Interwebs finally puke her out for good?
Could really benefit from a shorter: “I am afraid of debate so I win bwahahaha!”
rkrider said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:29
Out of all the blogs I read, you’re one of them!
Djur said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:31
J–: I can’t pardon your pedantry. Our sovereign Lord D. Aristophanes is the only one with that privilege.
D. Aristophanes said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:46
Well, that excercise was oddly embarrassing for me. Good job, gang!
Mike Nilsen said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:51
I prostrate myself before you and beg your forgiveness, O great sage of the blogosphere. I, who am unworthy to spellcheck your lowliest, most trivial open thread post…
Oh, shit, that was my praise for The Editors at thepoorman.net.
I’ll get right back to you.
K. Ron Silkwood said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:55
The better fan clubs serve pie and coffee.
Nimrod Gently said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:55
You are not my least favourite human.
Gary Aldridge said,
October 11, 2007 at 23:56
You are the second wet suit in my closet!
You are the mask and the rope.
You are…..gasp, choke, OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH,
*klunk*
Susan said,
October 12, 2007 at 0:14
I can’t even begin to express how much I appreciate and love you guys. And here’s the thing…I’m a Christian, just a few months away from being an ordained minster and I have to tell you that I’m pretty sure God loves you too. You are speaking out for the least of us, and that’s sort of what Jesus did, too. So bless you. Don’t stop doing what you do.
Peace.
Larry said,
October 12, 2007 at 0:23
“Instead, the typical Sadly, No! commenter’s M.O. is to one-up my posts with better snark and more informed commentary.”
And you are … ?
gaspode said,
October 12, 2007 at 0:30
Your majesty is like a stream of bat’s piss.
Kathleen said,
October 12, 2007 at 0:44
Sadly No, I really don’t know how you are always so funny. I don’t think I would have the resolve to keep doing, day after day, what you do to make people laugh. You bring so much to light about what is wrong in wingnuts today. And you put up with more crap than probably anyone else in the snarkosphere. I couldn’t do it. I have much respect for what you do, and how you handle giant sandwiches.
Smiling Mortician said,
October 12, 2007 at 0:44
Hey, Susan, that’s very cool. Your future . . . um, flock? is that the right word? . . . will be very fortunate to have you. Peace back atcha.
What?
Oh! Right! Sorry.
DA is better than 18-year-old Highland Park on the back deck at sunset.
Xanthippas said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:02
The eagle does not do battle with the fly.
==============================
Ha. That’s now my new catch-phrase. Only I’ll be dressed in kung-fu attire when I say it.
Twisted_Colour said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:10
D.A’s fecal secretions smell like a dew bejewelled pine forest early on a spring morn and his extraneous nipple (his nubbin) is an all seeing eye of knowledge, it’s benevolent gaze pointing out humanity’s path to greater, more noble hights. Excelsior!!
Redbeard said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:11
Hail D.Aristophones! His is the sweetest ass to kiss of them all! Malikn is not worthy to cast her hooded lizard eyes on the golden image of his words, for that matter, neither am I. Hilarious post, faaantastic!
Rufus said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:16
I think what they were trying to say was: “Aquila non capit muscas.”
On the other hand, considering how the Michelle vs. Ezra battle turned out, they probably should have said, “Si uno adhuc proelio Ezra vincemus, funditus peribimus!”
Or perhaps, “Morituri te salutant!”
Or, more fittinglym “Atqui, e lotio est. “
Rufus said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:19
As for me, here’s what I have to say about the Malkinistas:
Damnant quod non intellegunt.
Cocktailhag said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:20
I don’t know how you manage. All of that praise and yet the only offers of sexual favors were either metaphorical or immediately retracted.
Not that Louis said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:21
You’re good, really you are. I mean, you’re no Roy Edroso, but you’re not bad.
mikey said,
October 12, 2007 at 1:54
DA is better than 18-year-old Highland Park on the back deck at sunset.
Weeelllll, ok, yeah, I’ll give ya that.
But not quite as good as cask-strength Laphroaig at command central at mikey HQ (ask Jillian - she’s seen a picture)…
mikey
Ian said,
October 12, 2007 at 2:09
gaspode said,Your majesty is like a stream of bat’s piss.
Ah, quoting Shaw I see. He also said (according to Wilde anyway): “Your majesty is like a dose of clap”
such brilliance =)
wagonjak said,
October 12, 2007 at 2:12
Batocchio said,
October 11, 2007 at 19:58
“It’s fine to soar with the eagles, but a weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine”
Think that one out folks…there are so many right on insights there I could teach a class on it…
Thanks Batocchio, even if you stole this remark, I love it…
Johnny Coelacanth said,
October 12, 2007 at 2:55
I know I’m a little late to the brown-nosing party, but let me see what I can do:
D. Aristophanes,
“D” is for Dynamic, it describes your personality
“A” is for Aristocratic, your level of society
“R” is for Romantic, the ladies know you well
“I” is for Intelligent, your brain sure is swell
“S” is for Sexy, it cannot be denied
“T” is for Tapeworm, you’ve got one deep inside
“O” is for Orgasm, you bestow them with a touch
“P” is for Power, you can never have too much
“H” is for Handsome, everyone knows you are
“A” is for Astral, because you’re such a star
“N” is for Naughty, to balance out the nice
“E” is for excellent, you’re double plus good twice
“S” is for sexy again, because I’m lazy
I remain your humble obedient servant.
jeff said,
October 12, 2007 at 3:03
I think about D. Aristophanes sometimes at night. I imagine him (or, I guess, her) like this:
http://www.solarnavigator.net/brad_pitt.htm
…only smarter and more awesome.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 12, 2007 at 4:06
You’re like a pair of raging claws
Stomping across the gore of violent Greece
Marq said,
October 12, 2007 at 4:07
[genuflect]
Whoops!
That was muh flippin’-off finger! Heh heh heh!
Ah meant tuh use this one!!
[rooty-toot-toot-and-a-F.U.-to-yew!!!!]
Spartakus said,
October 12, 2007 at 4:07
Raising polecats for peace is smelly work, and you have just the clothespin to do it!!!
mikey said,
October 12, 2007 at 4:34
Marq.
Rooty-toot-toot?
Really?
Are we hitting the inhalants a tad early tonight?
Just askin
mikey
Lex-The-Crazy-Emmanuel said,
October 12, 2007 at 6:04
You guys f***ing rock. Hell, you managed to get me fairly addicted to your site. I will personally take out the fucking spelling police for all of you here at Sadly, No, such is my love and esteem. I will now barrage you with praise three times for every insult I hurl at Malkin online, and even more if I get to insult her in person. Just do not link her cheerleading video again, I must beg you. If you would like, I will go to the next CPAC just to shadow her and cheer bad cheers of mockery at her in your name. Or even a Gathering of Smeagols.
You are glorious examples of whichever animal is being deemed the most worthy at the moment, and at least your entire audience secretly doesn’t despise you for being of one of them funny ethnic types with them weird eyes–no wait, she just insulted a “Dhimmicrat”, so she shor is alrite agin.
Lex-The-Crazy-Emmanuel said,
October 12, 2007 at 6:13
You here are certainly Respectable Liberal Sadly, No Bloggers. I just wish that I could support you Respectable Liberal Sadly, No Bloggers more. Perhaps you should challenge Malkin to a cheerleading duel, or perhaps a different challenge to see who can read a teleprompter with less charisma for YouTube videos. You will probably find that she is not a Respectable Liberal Sadly, No Blogger in the process, but you obviously know that I had to go and read her article to see that she brags about blog traffic that is probably generated largely by this site, among others. No, wait, there are no others. Never! It’s all Sadly, No!
But seriously, while she’s into repeating herself to the point of nausea and taking challenges, go for it. (UGH….why’d I have to read that article?)
ignobility said,
October 12, 2007 at 7:57
D, you are my heroin. I don’t know how you put up with so much crap. You teach me so much about the world of politics, and I love the way you handle yourself. Hrrm.
Cordelia said,
October 12, 2007 at 7:59
Nothing, my lord.
Lear said,
October 12, 2007 at 14:21
Hence, and avoid my sight!
Justin said,
October 12, 2007 at 17:04
A little late to this party, but I must add:
“It must be very strange to be D. Aristophanes. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can’t get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.”
e_five said,
October 12, 2007 at 19:05
D. Aristophanes, your strength, courage and genius are so magnificent, the only proper reaction from all of us pathetic inferiors is to make a trail of our tongues for you to walk on, so the greatness that the majesty of the soles of your shoes does not touch the ground.
Marq said,
October 13, 2007 at 15:01
mikey: inhalants?
Feh!
I fart in your inhalants’ general direction!
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries!
[ nyaah! ]
Nimrod Gently said,
October 10, 2008 at 1:15
Good god, the Graeme Frost thing was a year ago?
FUCKING FINITE LIFESPAN, STOP PASSING SO FAST