6
The True Identity of Gary Ruppert Revealed At Last
Burt anticipates another dinner of fish sticks and applesauce
at his assisted living facility
Grampa Burt Prelutsky, who used to write a humor column for the L.A. Times sometime near the turn of the Neoproterozoic Era, now contributes to Clown Hall and, for the stuff that is too crazy even for Clown Hall, to The New Media Journal, formerly known as “The Rant” and home of such luminaries as Frank Salvato and Warner Todd Huston. So let’s see what Grampa Prelutsky is ranting about at The New Media Journal, shall we?
What is the deal with liberals? How to explain their mushy heads? Was it something weird in their baby formula? Were they potty-trained when they were too young or, more likely, too old?
Oh, hell, Burt, why don’t you just come out and say all liberals have skidmarks in their shorts?
Or is it simply something in their DNA? Are their chromosomes slightly out of whack, the way it is with homosexuals and the transgender crowd?
Yea, that’s probably the reason. It’s a trisomy of the flaming chromosome!
I’m serious. Why else would Americans so resent the United States having more influence in the world than, say, Luxembourg or Lichtenstein? … Liberals would like to see us cut and run from Iraq. That’s because they enjoy seeing the American military lose.
Does anyone else think that Gary Ruppert is ghost-writing Burt’s column? Or, better yet, maybe Burt is Gary Ruppert.
Now we hit paydirt:
[Liberals] keep insisting that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. What they refuse to acknowledge is that we are at war with Islamic fundamentalism. Hussein may have had had nothing to do with the USS Cole or the first bombing of the Twin Towers or the attacks on our embassies and our Marine base. So what? Germany and Italy had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor. It’s the mission that matters, not the venue.
Well, shit, let’s just invade Germany and Italy again. There are Muslims there too.
If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?
Along the same lines, if we’re not at war with Iran, why do I have to put my pants on before my shoes?
J— said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:09
He could be Gary Ruppert, but he’s not Classic Gary Ruppert.
tata said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:13
I forget. Am I still Spartacus?
Nullifidian said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:19
I am shocked that Gary Ruppert is not an illegal immigrant child who writes sexually explicit emails to Mark Foley and I am dismayed that Sadly, No! would perpetrate this fraud on its unsuspecting readers for so long.
In future, I will keep in mind that Jillian and Sadly, No!, which I used to enjoy, can no longer be trusted.
Jillian said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:27
Iraq was, like it or not, a bulwark against Islamic fundamentalism.
You can rightfully accuse Hussein of being a lot of awful things, but a fundie is not one of them.
Sadly, No! said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:33
If my car isn’t broken, why do I have to buy a toothbrush before I’m allowed to use the bathroom?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:33
The fact is, fish sticks and applesauce are as American as apple pie.
Hoosier X said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:46
The most puzzling statement in this post is this:
There is stuff that is too crazy for Clown Hall?
Is this a koan or something?
Hysterical Woman said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:49
I’d say something about Germany declaring war on the United States after we declared war on Japan, but this guy is too stupid for that.
Not A Troll said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:55
Which is why you didn’t declare war on Germany or Italy, moron. They declared war on you.
dave said,
October 6, 2007 at 23:58
So, I guess after we’re done with the Middle East, we can move on to Indonesia?
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:02
You can actually, with some practice, put on shoes before pants. I won’t go into details, but it’s useful in some circumstances.
J— said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:05
From the bio page at burtprelutsky.com.
mikey said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:06
Nope. I don’t see a single “The fact is…” in any of your pull quotes. And sorry, there’s NO WAY I’m gonna RTWT. But if you’re gonna make a case for any piece being ghostwritten by the one and only Gary Ruppert, it’s gonna have to contain at least a couple “The fact is”s….
For that matter, if we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why can’t I drive solo in the diamond lane? Huh? What about that, big guy?
Look. The reason we’re fighting in Iraq? Very simple. If you are out of potatos, you don’t go to the florist. Why? No potatos there. You go to the grocery store, because that’s where the potatos are.
Now, similarly, if you want to kill a million muslims, you don’t go to Brazil. Why? They don’t have a million muslims. It is what we like to call a “target poor environment”. In order to kill a million muslims, you must go to where there is a surfeit of muslims. Iraq qualified. QED….
mikey
Paddy Mac said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:09
“Or is it simply something in their DNA? Are their chromosomes slightly out of whack, the way it is with homosexuals and the transgender crowd?”
And why do liberals call conservatives bigots and racists? It’s so unfair!
Non Nato said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:14
Hahaha, “our Marine base” that “we” oh-so-wisely planted in the middle of civil war Lebanon after siding with one of the participants.
inkadu said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:16
Mike, this is genius. Don’t waste your time on Sadly No!, there’s a conservative think tank out there willing to hire you for 80k a year to start.
MrWonderful said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:23
“It’s the mission that matters, not the venue.”
“Plus, it ain’t what you say, it’s the way that you say it. It ain’t the meat, it’s the motion. It’s not how long you make it, it’s how you make it long.”
NOW do you believe I’m a geopolitical thinker?
Legalize said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:36
If Martians aren’t plotting to cut my break lines, why do I have to set my alarm clock EVERY NIGHT? Huh? HUH?
craigie said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:45
I never get tired of reading how our beautiful, advanced civilization of love and fairness cannot survive unless we kill all the brown people while they sleep.
mndean said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:59
When I saw that name, something in my head clicked. “Wasn’t this guy a sitcom writer in the ’70s?”, I thought. I further thought, “He must be 100 by now”. Apparently both are true, and senility has set in. I predict he’ll be wearing an onion on his belt and boring his friends to death very soon.
mikey said,
October 7, 2007 at 0:59
I never get tired of reading how our beautiful, advanced civilization of love and fairness cannot survive unless we kill all the brown people while they sleep.
Now that’s just not fair. We’re perfectly willing to kill them while they are awake too.
As long as we can use overwhelming firepower, armored vehicles, indirect fires and standoff weapons…
mikey
porndog said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:00
being a total drunk myself I recognize this quite clearly. Our wingnatter is one pint of vodka in.
Smiling Mortician said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:04
Hey everybody! The coolest thing just happened! I actually clicked on the link (I know, I know, but I had extra time and . . . never mind). Anyway it took me to this godawful New Media Journal page (slogan: “Researched Opinion” — ha! are these guys funny or what?) but no sign of Grampa Prelutsky’s column. Anywhere. I even scrolled all the way down.
I believe this is proof that some nonexistent deity loves me very much. Halloo hallay. Drinks are on me.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:09
The fact is, “fish sticks and applesauce” may well be one of D. Sidhe’s recipes.
Some Guy said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:17
*head desk* *repeats as needed*
GERMANY AND ITALY DECLARED WAR ON US AFTER THEIR ALLY STARED A WAR THE US. THAT IS WHY WE DECLARED WAR ON THEM. MOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUCKERMOTHERFUCKER
“If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?”
Also, if we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, then why do I have to follow traffic laws? Or use the “bathroom” to take a dump? Why can’t I just go where I please?
mikey said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:18
The fact is, “fish sticks and applesauce” may well be one of D. Sidhe’s recipes.
Only if they’re made with imitation crab meat, tater tots, and crushed up Apple Jacks™ cereal.
Just sayin….
mikey
craigie said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:24
If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, then why won’t Halle Berry sleep with me? huh? Answer me that, liberal scum.
Clif said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:31
Link fixed. Sorry! If we are not at war with homosexuals, why don’t my links automatically fix themselves?
Smiling Mortician said,
October 7, 2007 at 1:53
Now, I realize I could pluck any part of Grampaw’s “argument” to demonstrate his pure idiocy, but I’m aware that liberals will tell you that the Islamics hate us because we’re over there, violating their sacred turf. But if that’s the case, why are they killing civilians in Holland and Bali, Indonesia and the Philippines, Russia and Spain?
I dunno, Grampaw, maybe because your fucking premise is so fucking flawed and your fucking evidence is so fucking irrelevant?
Yeah, I clicked through the fixed link. Thanks, Clif, for proving that the nonexistent deity who loves me doesn’t exist. Guess I’ll have to polish off all these drinks by myself.
*sigh*
*slurp*
jcricket said,
October 7, 2007 at 2:01
Wow! At first, I read that as “neo-prozac Era”. I wish.
The guy puts a lot of emphasis on potty training: “…too early, …too late” (whatever). Not too sure about where this is all coming from except to think that this guy has anal issues. Maybe if he can be referred to a psychiatrist who is also a proctologist (sp), he may find some kind of personal resolution. It’s just a guess.
Finally, shoes or not, I am quite surprised that he is allowed to board a plane at all. De-regulating the airlines really did put them in desperate straits, didn’t it?
Matt Ortega » Quote of the Day said,
October 7, 2007 at 2:03
[...] the full take down of this clown by Sadly, No!’s Clif. These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web [...]
maryc said,
October 7, 2007 at 2:10
If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?
and my hip hurts! Why?
Snorghagen said,
October 7, 2007 at 2:28
He’s only 67. He just writes like he’s 100.
I have to admit that I liked the bit about lefties being poorly potty-trained - not only are liberals unhinged commie hippie maniacs, but they shit all over the place, too.
I should mention that Prelutsky’s website features a glowing endorsement from the great Pat Sajak.
Lesley said,
October 7, 2007 at 2:43
If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?
Because your shoes don’t fit through the entry way.
Mehitabel the Abyssinian said,
October 7, 2007 at 2:56
It’s the mission that matters, not the venue.
I have dibs on that excuse, next time I throw up on the kitchen floor rather than go outside in the cold.
Pere Ubu said,
October 7, 2007 at 2:57
If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why is there this big yellow onion tied to my belt?
Some Guy said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:00
Well, they’re pshing really hard to bring the 70’s back in style, Pere Ubu, so it prolly won’t be to long before depression-era starts back up.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:09
If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have a headache?
And don’t tell me it has anything to do with all these empty beer cans, you godless islamofascihomomexicommieterrorists!
I’m stringing those up around my perimeter, to fight off the UNSCOM stormtroopers.
Gavin has a long mustache!
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:09
“That’s because they enjoy seeing the American military lose.”
Yeah, Vietnam was a hoot. We’re still laughing over that defeat.
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut" said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:14
“[Liberals] keep insisting that Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. What they refuse to acknowledge is that we are at war with Islamic fundamentalism.”
Saddam was an Islamic fundamentalist? Well, that explains everything.
Pere Ubu said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:18
Hussein may have had had nothing to do with the USS Cole or the first bombing of the Twin Towers or the attacks on our embassies and our Marine base. So what? Germany and Italy had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor.
And Saddamn might have had NUTTIN’ to do with that hair I found in my spaghetti last week, but why take the chance?
And THAT’S why we have to bomb Iran, dammit! So we don’t have kids running around our towns with baggy pants!
mikey said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:21
I’m stringing those up around my perimeter, to fight off the UNSCOM stormtroopers.
Ok. Here’s some pointers. Put some rocks or nuts n bolts in ‘em and hang ‘em in the tanglefoot wire with monofiliment. Don’t hang ‘em in the concertina, they’ll shift all by themselves and you’ll expose your position firing on ‘em.
You can also put a Mk61 (yeah, it’s a Mk67 now, same-same deal) grenade into a can, pull the pin and let the spoon rest on the inside of the can. Fasten the can to a strong piece of brush or root, and use your monofiliment (you DO have a few thousand feet of monofiliment in your survival stash, right??) to tie off to the top of the grenade and then out to form your trip wire. Target hits the trip, pulls the grenade out of the can, spoon pops and grenade cooks off. It’s a gooder…
mikey
Vin Scully said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:22
“Are their chromosomes slightly out of whack, the way it is with homosexuals …”
Well, “out of whack” is kinda perjorative, but it’s still nice to see the conservatives finally admit that homosexuality is biological.
zhak said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:26
Um. I don’t know what to say. The WWII analogy is invalid — Japan attacked Pearl Harbor & thus pulled America into the war (though Roosevelt did things the proper, legal way, and went to Congress to ask them to declare war on Japan, as he had no Constitutional right to do so, however menacing the situation). Japan had a treaty with Germany & Italy whereby they had to declare war against any nation who declared war against Japan. (It’s been years since I read the details, but I think that’s the way it went.) So .. er .. when Germany & Italy declared war on us, we basically had no choice but to return the favor.
Hard to believe that decades later the US military would be led by the same sort of generals who led the Italian army to such wide acclaim.
& I realize that actually accepting that Saddam had nothing to do with 9/11 would create such a sense of cognitive dissonance that heads would literally explode, but Saddam was not some Islamic fundamentalist. He was a secular fella who padded his nest at the expense of Iraq. He was a bad man. But he also stood as a buffer against the religious extremism of countries like Iran & Saudi Arabia.
Thanks to us, however, NOW Iraq is just bursting with religious fervor.
You know, I appreciate (truly) that there’s humor to be mined from these idiots and their drooling incompetence, but I’m sick to death of the whole lot of them ruining a country I used to be quite fond of indeed. (& no, I’m not talking about Iraq.)
& btw, you old fart, don’t you EVER tell me that I enjoy seeing the American military lose. You brain-damaged cretins conflate getting out of an illegal, horrifyingly destructive war of CHOICE with enjoyment at seeing us lose something that was always unwinnable (especially the way our great white chiefs have fought it). I don’t know anyone who is somehow celebrating that things are going so bad in Iraq. I have never seen anyone, well-known or no, write anything that could be remotely construed as such but you people say it all the time. And like Goebbels knew well, if you repeat something enough times, it becomes percieved as truth.
The truth is only way we could have “won” in Iraq would have been if we’d never invaded in the first place.
And now we’ve destroyed an entire country & earned the hatred of most of the world, for NOTHING. Way to go. Bush is da man all right.
D. Sidhe said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:32
The fact is, “fish sticks and applesauce” may well be one of D. Sidhe’s recipes.
Only if they’re made with imitation crab meat, tater tots, and crushed up Apple Jacks™ cereal.
Get out of my recipe book, you two! Dammit, I was saving that for Christmas. And they’re real fishsticks, it’s a casserole, and mikey’s pretty well nailed the applesauce.
D. Sidhe said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:38
Well, “out of whack” is kinda perjorative, but it’s still nice to see the conservatives finally admit that homosexuality is biological.
It doesn’t mean he accepts it. It just means he wants to see a new eugenics. Or maybe a cure, as long as it doesn’t use stem cells. I know these guys. They say things like “Well, a predisposition to alcoholism is genetic, too, but that just means you shouldn’t drink at all,” and, my favorite, “And black men are genetically predisposed to crime, but that doesn’t mean we should just ;et ‘em do it.” (Direct quote, no shit. We then established that queer white women are genetically predisposed to violence when confronted with ignorant misogynist racists.)
Kilgore Trout said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:44
I predict he’ll be wearing an onion on his belt and boring his friends to death very soon.
“Gimme five bees for a quarter,” this guy would say.
IslamoCommuFascistLover said,
October 7, 2007 at 3:48
LOL@ “Well, shit, let’s just invade Germany and Italy again. There are Muslims there too.”
Nevertheless, let’s stop beating around the bush here, we all know who the REAL enemy is: Mauritania! They even call themselves the “Islamic Republic of Mauritania” How outrageous is that? Not only does their flag have the Islamomanic “crescent & star” but it is arranged in such as way as to look like a cyclops smily face, mocking the glory of our grand Christian republic. We must bomb them, bomb them now!
AWJ said,
October 7, 2007 at 4:07
Offtopic, but this is too funny and too relevant to S,N!’s interests to pass up. Adam Yoshida’s blog has been mass-invaded by Ron Paul-ite paleocons who are lecturing him on the gold standard and calling him a Communist. It’s a Clash of the Wackjobs of Harryhausen proportions. You have to see it for yourselves…
mikey said,
October 7, 2007 at 4:12
Thanks for the report AWJ. Appreciate the extra effort.
Want some water? Here. Siddown for a minute, catch your breath.
Ok?
Good. Now, post the freakin link.
mikey
AWJ said,
October 7, 2007 at 4:22
Ah, sorry, here it is: http://www.adamyoshida.com/2007/10/ron-paul-modern-copperhead.html
a different brad said,
October 7, 2007 at 4:33
Ahhhhhh.
Thank jebus the kooks are fragmenting, finally.
Gary's Ruppert said,
October 7, 2007 at 4:47
“For those who believe that divorce is reason enough to write off a presidential candidate, let me remind you that Gerald Ford and Ronald Reagan were divorced men, and that FDR and LBJ weren’t, and Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton aren’t!”
-http://tinyurl.com/2xhpc9 [BurtPrelutsky.com]
The fact is Gerald Ford was not divorced.
craigie said,
October 7, 2007 at 4:55
Well then, I take back everything I ever said about the GOP.
But Betty Ford was an alcoholic. So I take back taking it back.
D. Sidhe said,
October 7, 2007 at 5:04
I predict he’ll be wearing an onion on his belt and boring his friends to death very soon.
I trust one of those patriotic big yellow ones, and not one of those white ones only a traitor would tie to his belt when they were needed so badly for the war.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 7, 2007 at 5:17
Betty Ford made a mean fishsticks and applesauce.
So you’ll have to take back taking back taking it back, craigie.
Gary's Ruppert said,
October 7, 2007 at 5:29
“If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?”
Not Muslims. I blame old people, Prelutsky should look at himself.
Just last week I flew out of LAX on an international flight. After repacking my laptop, putting on my shoes and belt, I had the opprotunity to stand about and observe security while the little woman went back to the end of the line to put her 3 oz tube of moisturizer in a ziplock baggie (I know, I know, she endagers us all with such irresponsible behaviour, but she’s good in the sack so I keep her around), anyway, I got a good look at TSA profiling.
Every single person pulled out of line for further scrutiny was AARP old. Grey-hairs. Grandparents.
The fact is, these people are not being singled out by security professionals for nothing.
Michelle said,
October 7, 2007 at 5:32
OT, sorry.
I’m just on a fact finding mission.
Do any of you guys know me? Do any of you think I am a knucklehead?
Dave in Texas said you all did, and I didn’t think any of you know who I was, much less had an opinion. If you do, fine. But if not, fine . . . I think.
Thank you
back to your regular programming — sorry again — just asking.
Mellifluous said,
October 7, 2007 at 5:56
“why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?”
Because the Muslim Terrorists have won, and taken over the Bush-Cheney fundamentalist government. Haven’t you noticed that Muslims always take off their shoes before entering the mosque for prayers?
Righteous Bubba said,
October 7, 2007 at 5:57
This Dave in Texas?
Michelle said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:03
Yes, but it’s not about him, it’s about ME. :)
Dave said you all think I am a knucklehead.
Do you know me?
Righteous Bubba said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:10
I thank you for giving me the chance to repost pictures of Dave in Texas. You must not be a knucklehead, Person Previously Unknown To Me.
Michelle said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:20
Thank you RB.
Now if everyone who is someone at S,N (or however you all abbreviate it) could please verify that none of you all know me. . .
Wait . . . never mind.
One is enough to refute, no?!
jcricket said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:20
Gary’s Ruppert:
Of course these AARP people (Boomers) are being pulled out of lines for TSA harrassment. The AARP people (Boomers) are the ones who were the protesters during Vietnam, and whose ideals and education are more independent from authority than generations coming after .These are the people whose public education was not adversely affected by the Reagan administration, Bush I administration or the Newt/Repub controlled Congress from the early 90’s. What better way to try to cow the aging Boomers but to intimidate them even in such innocent endeavors, such as travel?
Admittedly, there are many in the current administration right now who are technically Boomers. It is our shame. The good/flip side of this is that we are a highly motivated generation wrt ideals. There is an old saying: Skill and youth are no match for age and treachery. Believe me, things will change. The current landlords that are the Bushies will be driven underground. I wish they would be annihilated, but that is not realistic. (Personally, I’d like to see a lot of them in orange jumpsuits). Realistically, they will return to the fringes where all psychos belong.
Call me a Boomer idealist, but the battle is just beginning, and it is NOT something that a short attention span will be able to follow.
a different brad said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:30
This would appear to be what Michelle is talking about.
I think, Michelle, he was trying to be cute and save face about us having made big win fun of him recently. It’d be like a lefty saying a form of torture was so extreme even Cheney thinks it’s too brutal to use. (Not that such exists.)
Michelle said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:35
crap — people — some of you are figuring out how to get to my crap.
that was not my intention. stop it.
jcricket — I’m not a boomer, but I have thought that I might not live to see the day that this earth doesn’t contain my mom in working form. Does that mean I am with you?
Michelle said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:39
a different brad — I only wanted to make the point that those who post here (nor the blog owners) have a clue about me, much less have an opionion.
that’s all.
islmfaoscist said,
October 7, 2007 at 6:52
If we’re not at war with Muslimofascists, how are there MIDGETS + DWARFS?!
Lesley said,
October 7, 2007 at 7:31
Just read this tripe on some trainwreck’s blog:
Naturally all of his commenters were all “hell yeah, love this.”
Idiots, every single mouthbreathing one.
a different brad said,
October 7, 2007 at 7:49
With all due respect, michelle, you shouldn’t have your blog attached to your name if you don’t want folk trying to figure out what you’re on about.
Michelle said,
October 7, 2007 at 7:57
with all due respect, a different brad, that was my point. You all don’t know me at all. Not enough for you to judge me, nor for Dave to say that you all have judged me.
Snorghagen said,
October 7, 2007 at 7:57
WW2 trivia time!
The German-Japanese alliance was defensive; it only applied if Japan was attacked. Hitler was under no obligation to declare war on the US after Pearl Harbor, but he happily did so anyway.
a different brad said,
October 7, 2007 at 8:06
errrrrrrrrrrrr. ok
my name’s paul n this is ‘tween y’all
*backs away from the bar*
Raznor said,
October 7, 2007 at 8:32
Wow it’s like reading Grampa Simpson. “There are too many states in this country. Please remove 3″
Some Guy said,
October 7, 2007 at 8:33
Were that me, Lesley, I would then file Assault charges on God; but, seeing as how he’s so busy, I suppose i could file them on the marine, instead…
Not to say the prof (assuming the story is true and accurate; the “and a member of the ACLU” bit makes me skeptical. Smacks of straw man propaganda.) wasn’t being a royal twat, but twattery does not a reason for assault make.
Hoosier X said,
October 7, 2007 at 8:51
So someone was acting as if that story about the Marine and the professor really happened? Seriously? Instead of like, a parable, or something? Or a joke? (If the latter, ha ha. Send it to Mallard Fillmore.)
And anyway, if God is like, all-powerful and stuff? Why would He need a Marine to knock some asshole professor off a pedestal?
A story about assholes of various persuasions, all acting like assholes, written for assholes.
Lolly said,
October 7, 2007 at 8:53
“One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist ”
I didn’t know atheists took vows.
To whom do they take them? Or make them?
Or is there some sort of atheist convent where atheist women can go and pledge themselves to be brides of . . . well, of nobody, but they still have to take their vows to do it?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 7, 2007 at 9:11
Speaking as someone who spends too much time at S,N!, let me be the first (or 2nd, or 3rd) to say that I am not acquainted with Michelle. Nor have I judged her to be a knucklehead. I’ve never seen her before in my life. Anyone who says otherwise is lying. The photos were faked.
Is that sufficiently vehement?
Getting back onto the original topic of Mr Prelutsky’s effusions, does anyone have any idea why he’s ranting about “Liberals: A Puzzlement” rather than simply “A Puzzle”? Is ‘puzzlement’ really a word? Is it a an echidna wrapped in carborundum? Is it anything like a humument?
This has been said already, but it is not a good look for someone to cast nasturtiums at other people’s toilet targeting and then go on to claim that in his own case, “It’s the mission that matters, not the venue”.
Lesley said,
October 7, 2007 at 9:11
Smacks of straw man propaganda
You got that right. A bedtime tale passed from one self-righteous Republican to another on the Intertubes. Helps the losers feel better about themselves I guess.
P.S. The guy who posted it is an ex-marine and the new dysfunctional husband of a Republican trainwreck I read occasionally for entertainment. She’s a sanctimonious twat who is always patting herself on the back for her “good deeds.” Her last husband was an abusive drunk. She made two kids with him. This one’s ex-wife is an alcoholic who lives in a trailer (well she did until she burned it down) and the kids are really messed up. One of them’s a heroin user.
Of course, they’re religious and better than everybody else. And believe George is right.
Lesley said,
October 7, 2007 at 9:15
A story about assholes of various persuasions, all acting like assholes, written for assholes.
This would be the perfect addition to the flaming retard’s comment thread but after my run in with LindaSoggybottom, I’m not taking chances.
Lesley said,
October 7, 2007 at 9:19
Getting back onto the original topic of Mr Prelutsky’s effusions, does anyone have any idea why he’s ranting about “Liberals: A Puzzlement”..
Neocons generalize and speculate about liberals the way some men rant about women.
What’s up with women? What do women want? What are women made of? Sugar and spice, and everything nice or playdoh and bacon? Are the quirks and flaws genetic? It’s a puzzle alright.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 7, 2007 at 9:24
I didn’t know atheists took vows.
To whom do they take them? Or make them?
P A M Dirac, militant atheist, as described by Wolfgang Pauli: “‘God does not exist and Paul Dirac is his prophet.”
Nevertheless, there is a plaque at Westminster Abbey dedicated to his formulation of quantum mechanics.
Gary Denton said,
October 7, 2007 at 9:51
Another dysfunctional conservative hero and prophet - Mark Steyn:
“In a year’s time, Iraq will be, at a bare minimum, the least badly governed state in the Arab world and, at best, pleasant, civilised and thriving. In short: not a bad three weeks’ work.”
terrible twos said,
October 7, 2007 at 10:12
Michelle,
I know you. I’m a spy … in the house of love. I know your deepest secret recipe for fishsticks. Like I said, … I’m a spy …
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 7, 2007 at 10:51
Jim Morrison was a friend of mine. Terrible twos, you’re no Jim Morrison.
Gary's Rupert said,
October 7, 2007 at 11:45
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between Assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
The fact is this must be a true story-
http://tinyurl.com/3ag6eg
rev.paperboy said,
October 7, 2007 at 11:47
“The Marine calmly replied, “God was too busy today protecting America’s soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me instead”
If God is protecting Amerika’s soldiers, why do they bother wearing kevlar? If God is protecting Amerika’s soldiers, there are nearly 4000 who must be thinking he’s done a pretty crappy job, if they can still think wherever they are now.
Thlayli said,
October 7, 2007 at 12:09
Burt Prelutsky: for folks who think Carey Roberts is too young and hip.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
October 7, 2007 at 12:19
What the hell’s the use of a god that’s not omnipotent? I mean, hell, if the poor wee dear’s got his hands full in one tiny country, protecting the tiniest sliver of humanity, then what’s the deal with the rest of us? What are we paying our fees for, anyway?
I demand they outsource God: I’m sure we can find someone better at the job, who doesn’t swoon at the thought of being in two places at once (or even one place, effectively: see rev.paperboy’s comment).
Michelle, the reference to Sadly, No! was a snide aside, because he got his arse beaten here very thoroughly recently*. Consequently, he thinks we’re the height of arseholery, so he’s linking you and us together. Congrats.
By the bye, read a bit of your blog. I’ve never come across it before, wouldn’t know you from a bar of soap, but you definitely don’t fit the class of people that we’d call arseholes (we tend not to use the word “knucklehead”, or at least I don’t).
* There was this thread, see, referring to a silly party the wingnuts had, with pics. One of the guys mentioned appeared, said something benign, and gave every appearance of a normal human being. Dave appeared and had a complete hissy fit. Hence he got a good, thorough, Sadly, No!-ing.
kiki said,
October 7, 2007 at 13:20
http://www.snopes.com/religion/einstein.asp
Little under two thirds of the way down the page. They have a whole series of jack-off fantasies about the “liberal college professor”.
wyatt aarp said,
October 7, 2007 at 13:48
it’s funny cuz they’re old … heh heh heh heh…
Kevin Bacon Holding A Short Roll Of Playdoh said,
October 7, 2007 at 14:13
Also, Michelle (Or rather, hello again “Kevin”) is just the usual immature attempt to stir up trouble by hotlinking one blog on a second blog and making inane statements in the hope that they two blogs will start fighting each other. As evinced by the attempt to strike cute poses whilst not apparently knowing very much at all about any issues that might be involved, or even the blog Michelle supposedly writes.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
October 7, 2007 at 15:16
Lesley said,
October 7, 2007 at 7:31
Just read this tripe on some trainwreck’s blog:
Never happened. This is just the sort of tripe the wingnuts make up and email around to each other, endlessly.
Snorghagen said,
October 7, 2007 at 15:30
Gary Rupert wrote:
It’s well known that imaginary stories become true if you repeat them often enough.
Left_Wing_Fox said,
October 7, 2007 at 15:33
If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?
Oh Burt. The securit guards don’t think you’re a muslim.
They thing you’re the next Tim McVeigh.
Ha ha…. *they’re watching you!!*
Jaysus said,
October 7, 2007 at 16:05
The marine and the professor story reads just like a typical wingnut chain email. OF COURSE it’s fake, a right wing fairytale.
Interestingly, it reveals a lot about how wingnuts think: they hate atheists and ACLUers and want to beat the shit out of them. But they are cowards too and want the USMC to do their dirty work for them.
Ted said,
October 7, 2007 at 16:12
If I’m not gay, why do all these dudes keep sucking my cock?
Pere Ubu said,
October 7, 2007 at 16:32
Y’know, now that I think about it, I agree with Hoosier X ‘way back at the beginning of the comments. “stuff that is too crazy even for Clown Hall”?
NO FUCKIN’ WAY.
christ, they print DOUG GILES, for fuck’s sake.
Must be ageism or quotas or something.
RubDMC said,
October 7, 2007 at 16:56
I hope those fishsticks are mashed up before being served, because they’ll get lodged in the throat and could choke some poor bugger.
Unless that’s the idea.
The applesauce is OK, as long as it’s the finely strained variety, and not the kind with residual chunks or bits of apple skin still in the mix. The bits of apple skin stick to the back of the throat and make the eater go ghaaackkk - hook hook ghack!
And it’s not like old people need another reason to choke or cough up ugly shit.
Southern Beale said,
October 7, 2007 at 17:04
I dunno if it were really Gary Ruppert wouldn’t he have mentoned teh gays?
Mooser said,
October 7, 2007 at 17:34
Halle Berry won’t sleep with me because, as she put it: “You’re a goddam short-dicked peckerwood, who couldn’t bust na’r a grape”
Without the usual evasions of etiquette, yes, but short and to the point. My rendition of the vernacular is as close as I can get it. I’m no goddam Twain.
thelogos said,
October 7, 2007 at 18:01
The fact is, Teh Realz Gary is on Facebook. Srsly. I meanit. He looks like your typical closeted gay Republican (but I repeat myself).
owlbear1 said,
October 7, 2007 at 18:22
http://www.snopes.com/religion/chalk.asp
Davis said,
October 7, 2007 at 20:16
“If we’re not at war with Muslim terrorism, why do I have to remove my shoes before I’m allowed to board a plane?”
Sorry Cliff, that’s funnier than anything you came up with today. Well, the putting on pants before shoes line made me laugh, too.
mikey said,
October 7, 2007 at 20:21
Ok, look. Jarheads are mentally dysfunctional for life, there’s just no doubt about it. But the jarheads I know would NEVER swing on an old, unarmed, defenseless dude. One of their dysfunctions is way too much pride, and punching out a professor just don’t do much for your pride. Taking on a dozen bikers, getting your ass handed to you and laughing about it? Sure. But dusting a guy just standing there? Nope. Anybody that does that is just a thug, and for all their failings, jarheads tend not to be thugs…
mikey
Cowpunk said,
October 7, 2007 at 20:41
Will somebody please remind the right-wing jizwads that GERMANY AND ITALY DECLARED WAR AGAINST US!
Oilfieldguy said,
October 7, 2007 at 20:48
Oh, hell, Burt, why don’t you just come out and say all liberals have skidmarks in their shorts?
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Lesley said,
October 7, 2007 at 21:06
and you tell them it’s an urban myth and they reply “It doesn’t matter” because God (and Bush believers) don’t need evidence.
folderol said,
October 8, 2007 at 2:44
That would be PYGMIES + DWARFS.
But, um, wrong blog (although I imagine there’s much cross-reading).
Isaac said,
October 8, 2007 at 6:43
mikey-
You’re right on point with that.
I’m a former jarhead, and the second we’re swore in, we start learning the laws of the UCMJ. That story is 100% bullshit. Most likely passed around by idiots who’ve never worn a pair of boots.
les said,
October 8, 2007 at 18:41
Michelle, no sense that you’re a knucklehead on my part. But just a warning–I took a look at your blog, and if you hang around Right Wing Sparkle too much I fear for your mental stability. She and her homies bring Teh Crazy in a particularly virulent form–the effort to comprehend can take you places no one should go.
Jay Hovah said,
October 8, 2007 at 19:28
“jarheads tend not to be thugs…”
Unless they belong to a Gathering of Beagles!
Then it’s okay to attack people…
Doctorb Science said,
October 8, 2007 at 21:00
The “Marine” story seems like an asshole’s version of “I sent you a car, and then a boat, and then a helicopter…” except for an audience that likes cold-cocking (and has weird ideas about freedom of speech).
joannegm said,
October 8, 2007 at 23:33
You might be interested to know that Burt’s erstwhile best friend back at ol’ Fairfax High in the early 60’s was none other than fellow fan of wanton violence and murder suspect Phil Spector. Small world, heh-heh-heh.
Sadly, No! » Also for: apple pie and kittens said,
October 9, 2007 at 0:51
[...] Clif reminds us (thanks a lot for that) of the existence of The New Media Journal and so off we go to make friends. For example, Armand C. Hale: I am for business. It drives the U.S. economy. [...]
mikey said,
October 9, 2007 at 2:07
Thanks, Isaac, but let’s be honest here. There are no “former” jarheads.
It’s a lifetime affliction…
mikey
Michelle said,
October 10, 2007 at 6:39
But just a warning–I took a look at your blog, and if you hang around Right Wing Sparkle too much I fear for your mental stability.
Fair enough, I guess, les.