4
Koo-Koo-Ka-Choo
Matt Zeitlin, the precociously brilliant high-school kid who polishes apples for Megan “Mrs. Robinson” McArdle, is now confronted with a return of interest. Alas, these Spring/early-Autumn relationships rarely work out:
Defending Vegetarian Honor
04 Oct 2007 08:15 amMatt Zeitlin writes:
I read Christopher Hitchens’ heartbreaking piece about a 23 year old soldier who was inspired to enlist by reading Hitchens and was killed in action in Iraq. The soldier, Mark Daily, was a UCLA graduate, registered Democrat, an agnostic, had early doubts about the war and even was once a vegetarian.
We’re* not pacifists, you know. Indeed, some of us are quite feisty. I could have joined the military with a clean conscience in 2002–except for the part where I’m a 4F asthmatic with lousy eyesight who was medically unfit for the State Department. But that had nothing to do with my tofu-loving ways.
Translation: Hi Matt, I’m me! Speaking of me, I’m feisty. I could even have joined the military, except I never tried to join the military the State Department website suggested that I couldn’t join the military the diplomatic corps, maybe. Memories are like butterflies. But fear not, Jeff, I am complex and even love tofu, as though to confound cynics. Uh, ‘Matt,’ I mean.
* Technically, I’m not a vegetarian: I eat humanely raised and killed meat. However, given the difficulty of locating such meat, and the expense of buying it, this is generally a distinction without a difference. Moreover, I was a vegetarian at the time of the Iraq War’s inception.
Oh, well okay then. See, that excuses the remark about beating war protesters with 2×4s. Indeed, finding such meat requires great difficulty, and Megan has important things to do, like being utterly clueless about any given aspect of modern life, despite being paid as a columnist in a major magazine deciding how various things in the world make her feel.
Then again, maybe there’s a future for this couple. He thinks she’s interesting, and she thinks so too.
Fishbone McGonigle said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:09
Also, http://firemeganmcardle.blogspot.com/2007/10/condis-loss-is-our-curse.html
t4toby said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:14
Hey! I’m a vegetarian, and would love to screw McAddled in the bum. It’s a match made in heaven.
Just want to do to her what she wants to do to everyone else, that’s all.
Seriously, how can you say you are vegetarian, then say you eat meat? They’re kinda mutually exclusive, ya know.
Jay B. said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:15
She’s an ovo-lacto-pesco-bovo kind of vegetarian.
MzNicky said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:15
How does one “humanely kill meat”? Or “raise meat,” for that matter? Doesn’t one raise animals, and then kill them, humanely or otherwise, thus turning them into meat?
And:
However, given the difficulty of locating such meat, and the expense of buying it, this is generally a distinction without a difference.
What does that mean? If she means she’s not “technically” a vegetarian (yep, see, the meat-eating pretty much eliminates her from that category), or even a meat-eater with a conscience or whatever, then why bring it up in the first place?
Gavin M. said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:17
Well, let’s not have any figurative screwing of specific individuals in the bum. That’s not nice to say.
Bistroist said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:17
Then again, maybe there’s a future for this couple. He thinks she’s interesting, and she thinks so too.
We first met through a shared view, she loved me and I did too.
mikey said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:20
Can we figuratively screw non-specific individuals in the figurative bum?
Because I’m hanging out at home today, and I’ve got a few minutes before the game comes on….
mikey
El Cid said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:24
I know exactly how he feels. I could have joined NASA and been an astronaut in 2002 with a clean conscience, except for not really being all that brilliant and not being a trained pilot or scientist or anything.
But my not joining NASA had nothing to do with the fact that I like Nutella and occasionally shop at eco-yuppie markets where I spend lots of time exhaling smug meditations about how superior I am to those damn prole shoppers at the sh*t stores.
J— said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:28
Sadly, No! comes face to face with the Impetuous Young Whippersnapper. It would be a mistake to take him lightly, as he can bury his opponent in mind-numbingly boring earnestness. The same goes for his friend, the dread Minipundit.
Randomfactor said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:29
“Figurative screwing in the bum.” Is that like figure-8 patterns, or does it refer to the overall shape of the bum involved?
Gavin M. said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:31
I’ve been pwned…
Hoosier X said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:35
I would like to join in on making fun of McAddled, but using “retard” as a taunt is generally considered to be hurtful to the cognitively challenged community.
(Does that mean calling someone a “Republican” will be off-limits pretty soon as well?)
dAVE said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:39
Hitler was a vegetarian.
t4toby said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:41
Aww, come on, Gav, lighten up.
Isn’t bum screwing a specialty of the Randroids and Libertards?
I thought it was their modus operandi.
Sarcastro said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:42
I would like to join in on making fun of McAddled, but using “retard” as a taunt is generally considered to be hurtful to the cognitively challenged community.
I’m sticking with “troglodyte”… until the cave-dwellers get all pissy about it.
Speaking of Cave Dwellers, I wonder what Miles O’Keeffe is up to these days.
Legalize said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:42
You guys! It seems to me that even though I eat meat, I’m so TOTALLY a vegetarian. I mean, I TRY to eat humanly killed Whoppers, but where on Earth can someone find the time or money to hunt them down?!
LOL I like pretty drinks that taste like candy!!
DAS said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:43
Seriously, how can you say you are vegetarian, then say you eat meat? They’re kinda mutually exclusive, ya know. - t4toby
I’m allergic to pretty much any dairy product (lactose and clarified butter are purified enough for me not to react to them) … so I avoid dairy. Does that make me a vegan who happens to eat meat and eggs?
I guess it’s Roy “I’m a heterosexual who happens to like other men” Cohn, as intepreted by Kushner, logic: is this Matt’s vegetarianism like Sen. Craig’s heterosexuality?
*
BTW … given how the military is strapped for personel nowadays, I’m sure the military could have found some position for this feller. Back in the days of ‘Nam, my dad was ordered to appear for a pre-induction physical: they told him — a very nearsighted, flat-footed asthmatic — if this country was invaded, they’d be drafting women and children before they’d call on him. Yet, when he got his O.D., the army happily offered to bring him in as a captain (he said no — he was a Republican back then and back in those days being paranoid about the “military-industrial complex” was something a certain kind of Republican was — he wasn’t gonna get himself wounded/killed fighting a war he felt only was happening to allow bullet manufactorers to profit). The moral is, if you have abilities the military could use (which I presume this bright young whippersnapper does), they’ll find some way to use you if you ask them nicely enough.
Legalize said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:46
A former roomate of mine is legally blind, and wears the wackiest corrective lenses you’ve ever seen. He’s a Staff Seargent in the Army.
Bistroist said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:48
Hitler was a vegetarian.
Obligatory Bill Bailey: Vegetarianism & Hitler clip
JoshWatermanMN said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:49
Well, let’s not have any figurative screwing of specific individuals in the bum. That’s not nice to say.
No kidding. If I think I am going to get a real screwing in the bum, and I only get a figurative one, I get pissed. Especially when I paid for the dinner and the movie!
mikey said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:53
Hell yeah. In a war there’s 3-5 support personnel for every “tip-o-the-spear” trigger puller. Of course, when you occupy an entire country, you don’t have a “front line”, so the support peeps find themselves under fire about as much as the the grunts do. So this might not be the best time to find yourself a truck driver or maintenance tech or what have you…
mikey
t4toby said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:53
What we need is a Byzantine, Starbucks-esque scheme for identifying exactly what it is that you eat or don’t eat.
I’m a short pescavegdairatarian with a shot of THC. And I like it real hot, thanks.
DAS said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:56
Oy vey … I misread the post — correct any mention of mine of the honorable (but bad taste-having — he likes Hitchens’ writing?!?) Matt and replace it with McMegan: McMegan is evidently the one who is to vegetarianism as Sen. Craig (R-Wide Stance) is to heterosexuality. McMegan is the one who’s using the “4F” cop-out for her chickenhawkery … so sorry, Matt.
Clem said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:58
Weird. I just hijacked today’s “Day By Day” strip for FMM. Bum injuries figure into it. Then I come over here and…weird.
fardels bear said,
October 4, 2007 at 21:59
Megan only eats Shmoos:
http://www.lil-abner.com/shmoo.html
Humor Me said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:03
Well, let’s not have any figurative screwing of specific individuals in the bum. That’s not nice to say.
This is clearly a biased statement. Bumism, if you will. Gavin has clearly never given or gotten a proper consensual buggering, which by all accounts is quite “nice”. It’s presumptive of you to judge the bum screwing in question as anything other than a joyful exchange between feisty consenting adults.
mikey said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:04
No, I understand completely. I’m very selective about what I’ll eat.
I don’t like olives. And capers? Capers are nasty. I’m not sure they’re really food.
That’s about it. I’ll eat anything else. Pretty much regardless if it was cute before it was food, or if it lived a crappy life, or somebody said it was taboo to eat it.
Some look at the world and say “Eewww”. I look at the world and say “Yum”….
mikey
t4toby said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:05
Tee-Hee. I couldn’t resist:
Righteous Bubba said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:07
I look forward to McArdle vs. Jonah Goldberg on Bloggingheads.
It’ll be a nudge-down drag-outwards take-some-prisoners battle to the finishing school.
Michael said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:07
Silly. Animals maximize the utility of their meatiness by being eaten. It’s all very economic, so you wouldn’t understand. Giggle.
Republicunt said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:10
You can too raise meat! I grow it from meat seeds.
Some Guy said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:11
If animals don’t want to be eaten, they shouldn’t be so darn tasty.
lawnguylander said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:15
Damn, Bistroist. I was going to post that very line but had to meet a mate so I was too late, too late.
a different brad said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:32
As I said elsewhere, apparently Megan has higher standards for how her foodstuffs are treated than the people selling them to her, presuming that since Whole Foods is way too expensive for her (IED injured) arse she gets all her food from Wal*Mart.
Or am I quibbling? I guess in both cases she’s against the use of antibiotics unless the foodstuff or wageslave can afford em.
Rufus said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:33
Technically, I don’t have lousy eyesight. I’ve got 20/20 vision when I view objects that are no more than nine inches away. And besides, I don’t have lice in my eyes.
slackor said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:37
Ahh! Lolcons and McArdle, it’s like August all over again.
t4toby said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:41
You know, I really should have previewed that comment I left at McAddled’s place.
And I can’t even blame it on the instant preview.
I have pnwed myself. And now I will never get the bum.
g said,
October 4, 2007 at 22:47
humanly killed Whoppers
You mean These little guys were once alive?
Sob!
RubDMC said,
October 4, 2007 at 23:02
Christ, of the many fine attributes of the dead soldier in the “heartbreaking piece,” McAddled latches on to his vegetarianism?
And having latched onto his vegetarianism, she promptly lets go of it.
Fucking Randroids - “Me, me, me, me, me.”
Rufus said,
October 4, 2007 at 23:14
No, g. Those guys are packaged alive. They don’t die until you crush them with your molars. It’s OK, though. They don’t experience pain in the same way that humans do.
Bistroist said,
October 4, 2007 at 23:18
No worries, Lawnguy. Didn’t mean to mess you about, after all, we’re all adults, not louts.
Candy said,
October 4, 2007 at 23:27
Quite frankly, as someone who lives in a state that has factory farms, and who has seen and smelled the horrors of lakes of pigshit, it really is not at all humane or even slightly ethical to eat meat or poultry raised in these conditions. And if that doesn’t inspire you to eat organicly raised, free-range meat, consider the health impact of eating these hormone and anti-biotic stuffed creatures.
Then consider the fact that the FDA is a fucking joke. Inspectors are just a part of the meat industry. I’ll bet none of you folks have actually worked in a packing plant. I used to live with a man who worked at Swift. He was a hider. He used a big electric knife to take the hide off of cows, one after another, all day long, on an assembly line. At least once a day, he’d slice into a big ol’ abcess and get sprayed with pus. In the old days, any animal that was sick or had an abcess would be sent to the rendering plant down the street, but I hear nowadays it’s not uncommon for the inspectors to turn a blind eye and just let it go through.
In the days my friend worked at Swift, it was an excellent union job, though, so he stayed there quite a long time, even though he developed terrible nerve damage to his hands and wrists and had to have repeated surgeries, from which the company doc would want to send him right back to work. Now it’s mostly non-union, pays terrible wages by American standards, and has almost no proper safety oversight, so the only people who will work there are immigrants. They are worked long hours and treated like dogs. Even where unions are in place, it’s not that helpful. Here in Iowa, a union rep at one of the plants that got hit by the ICE raids is on trial for harboring illegals. It’s an ugly business.
My friend was a guy who liked rare steak and was happy to eat hot dogs - before he worked there. He gradually got to the point where he could about stomach meat if it was cooked to a
blackened cinder, and he would not eat processed meat products in any form.
I’m not a vegetarian. I’ve struggled with it, and tried to be one, but when you’re as poor as I’ve been and have a child to feed, it’s kind of difficult, especially when you live in Iowa. But it’s much easier now to eat organic, and I do as much as humanly possible. If someone like me, who lives in a farm state, can easily and without too undue expense, find organic and free-range meat products, I’m sure this silly little twit can manage it. Libertarians: Any time an ethic runs up against the pocketbook, the ethic fares ill.
Lesley said,
October 4, 2007 at 23:37
Meat McArdle seems to have been spoiled in the raising.
Kathy said,
October 4, 2007 at 23:46
McArglebargle always give me a laugh, but her intern or whatever he is: well, that kid can WRITE! He shoud try out as a speach writer for dubya.
Lesley said,
October 4, 2007 at 23:46
Candy, I wholeheartedly agree with everything you wrote about factory farming. I became a vegetarian in 1980 after reading Jon Robbins’ book Diet for a New America. I resumed eating meat for health reasons in 2004 (my veggie diet wasn’t balanced enough). I only eat free range, organically fed, locally produced eggs, chicken and turkey. My eggs come from a producer whose facility I toured (they offer open houses to the public. They also rescue factory farm chickens.)
Occasionally I eat wild-caught fish (although most fish is so polluted now, I’m increasingly reluctant.)
t4toby said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:02
Lesley-
Salmon are pretty safe, if you get the wild ones.
stringonastick said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:05
Candy and Lesley, I hear ya. Here in Colorado even the mainstream chains have humanely raised eggs, though I’ve had more than a few folks look at me like I am insane for paying that price when the torture-produced product is a buck less.
Live like the person you want to be; let the naysayers be damned.
Righteous Bubba said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:15
Salmon are pretty safe, if you get the wild ones.
Be skeptical: lots of people lie about those.
Candy said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:16
That’s my philosophy too, stringonastick.
Lesley, I really miss the fresh seafood available when I lived in the Seattle area. I hear you about the fear of the pollution in fish and other seafood, though. I see some groups are coming out in favor of pregnant women eating a decent quantity of fish, apparently feeling the benefits outweigh the potential mercury poisoning. I’m back and forth on that issue. Fish is so good for you, but mercury and other pollutants, not so much.
AkaDad said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:20
If one takes into account the last fews years, then technically I’m a virgin…
AkaDad said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:21
Disregard my last post, as that wasn’t meant to be said out loud…
Robert Green said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:26
megan, you idiot:
http://www.nimanranch.com/control/main
humanely raised, grass or vegetarian fed. here’s the hard part, though. you have to click on that (funny story, “click” in this example is a metaphor–don’t hit your computer!) link, and then choose what you want, and then give them a credit card number. a day later various meat items will arrive.
it’s hard out here for a total fuckwit, yo.
MzNicky said,
October 5, 2007 at 0:44
Lesley: What was it about your veggie diet that was off-balance? Not enough protein, or what?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
October 5, 2007 at 1:30
No, I understand completely. I’m very selective about what I’ll eat.
My own dietary requirements are equally strict. There has to be a pizza base.
g said,
October 5, 2007 at 1:33
God, you guys make me feel bad. There’s a Tommy’s double chili burger with cheese resting heavily in my gut.
That stuff is immortal, too - I’ve brushed my teeth and washed my hands 3 times and I still smell chili on my fingers.
Rufus said,
October 5, 2007 at 1:41
g, I’ll let you in on a secret. A double tofu-chili seitan burger with cashew cheese does not rest any easier in the gut. Trust me on this.
NobodySpecial said,
October 5, 2007 at 1:51
Shorter McArdle: I’m on the lookout for more humane meat.
Lesley said,
October 5, 2007 at 1:53
Lesley: What was it about your veggie diet that was off-balance? Not enough protein, or what?
MzNicky, at the time I was madly addicted to so-called “low-fat” refined carbohydrates at the time. To break this I went on a strict protein/complex carbohydrate diet (eliminating all refined flour products and sugar) for a couple of weeks until I could get back to eating sensibly.
I eat way more nuts and seeds now (as these digest well and contain the healthy fats). I can also buy vegan protein shake mixes to which I add berries, flax meal, wheat germ, and pecans.
t4toby, wild salmon is relatively easy here in the Pacific Northwest but I avoid buying it because the salmon stocks are depleted from overfishing. Scientists report that Orca whales are leaving the west coast because they can’t get enough food and since they can’t shop at the grocers and have limited options, I figure it’s the least I can do as a consumer.
I only buy organic fruits and vegetables too. They generally taste better, especially the fruits. Organic strawberries and oranges are very yummy.
Lesley said,
October 5, 2007 at 1:59
I’m a big fan of Howard Lyman, the mad cowboy. He’s a fourth generation Montana cattle farmer who turned vegan after he contracted a life-threatening disease and watched his family’s farm (the land and the animals) destroyed by modern agricultural production methods. The meat lobby has threatened his life numerous times for going public about factory farming.
Lesley said,
October 5, 2007 at 2:08
Oh yeah, and the Organic Consumers Association is a good source of information about genuine vs faux organic.
http://www.organicconsumers.org/
Beware of that ‘O’ brand Safeway’s selling. It’s replaced all the individual organic suppliers Safeway used to sell. Anything “organic” at Safeway is made by this O company. Trouble is, O doesn’t list the origins of the ingredients on any label, including the eggs. I read in an OCA newsletter awhile back that one of the egg suppliers to O is actually a factory farm.
M. Bouffant said,
October 5, 2007 at 2:57
Capers are nasty. I’m not sure they’re really food.
“Capers” is restaurant code for “rat turds,” as indicated in the 1970s Donald Sutherland/Leonard Nimoy (first) re-make of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Tommy’s. Ummm. The delicious scent stays for days. Sometimes I think they dose them w/ MSG, as more than once I have finished one & promptly marched back to the counter for another. Or they’re just that good. Or not super-sized enough.
Kathy said,
October 5, 2007 at 3:27
I tried the Safeway ‘O’ milk, and UG! tasted awful. Capers are flower buds. My 9 year old daughter loves them, wont touch olives or pickles. Oh well, more for me!
MzNicky said,
October 5, 2007 at 4:12
Lesley: Uh-huh, that’s what I was going to suggest: seeds and nuts, beans, peanut butter, tofu. I’m vegetarian for about five-six years now. I started wondering about the protein thing when I gave up fish and found myself looking askance at eggs and cheese as well. I can’t bear going into one of those steakhouses anymore where they have the slabs o’ meat hangin’ in a glass-front locker or whatever right there when you walk in — the stench is horrid. Yeah, I’m a real pain in the ass to my friends and loved ones. They mock me constantly.
fluffy said,
October 5, 2007 at 6:14
boy that meghan is as dumb as a sack of hammers. no offense.
Lesly said,
October 5, 2007 at 6:50
Megan McArdle
ASSMATERAFACT SORTA VEGEN VIRTUAL SOLDIERSO NOT WEARING BCGsSYMMETRIZE THAT BIOTCH
Lesly said,
October 5, 2007 at 6:52
And that was supposed to look more like this:
Durned preview fooled me. :|
Sack of Hammers said,
October 5, 2007 at 13:59
boy that meghan is as dumb as a sack of hammers. no offense.
I wouldn’t take offense if this comparison was just a once-off… but this must be, what, the 17-dozenth time someone has compared me to McAddle? And all you can say is “no offense”? Fuck you. Hammerist bastards.
Jeff R. said,
October 5, 2007 at 14:05
[What Candy said]
So you’re saying things haven’t changed much since Upton Sinclair wrote The Jungle.
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 5, 2007 at 15:03
I see some groups are coming out in favor of pregnant women eating a decent quantity of fish, apparently feeling the benefits outweigh the potential mercury poisoning.
Yeah I heard that on NPR this morning, but it sounded… erm… fishy. Not so much that mercury poisoning is overrated - I can totally see that. It was just that the scientists being interviewed were overstressing that babies need their mothers to eat a minimum, a minimum of 12 oz of ocean fish a week for normal brain development. One pediatrician was stammering about how she ate fish nearly every day during her own pregnancy. She sounded like she had a gun to her head.
Turns out the group that issued the report received $60,000 from the seafood industry, but it totally didn’t bias their results - results seeming to be “opinion” in this case.
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 5, 2007 at 15:10
I’ve had more than a few folks look at me like I am insane for paying that price when the torture-produced product is a buck less.
Ditto. I had to hang a picture of chickens being debeaked on my refrigerator before my boyfriend finally agreed to buy the cruelty-free kind. I mean, even at $3-4/dozen that comes out to what, $0.30/egg?
Dhalgren said,
October 5, 2007 at 15:22
Matt & me. Me & Matt.
We need to humanely dispose of Megan.
MzNicky said,
October 5, 2007 at 15:23
Sadly, Cambridgeport: I missed the NPR story. Don’t Omega-3 capsules do the fish-oil nutrient thing well enough to replace eating fish?
And I hear you re: ignorance about the cruelty and slaughtering. I almost got up and left a restaurant one night when one of our friends ordered foie gras. No, I’m not PETA-obnoxious about it, but still. I think I’m going to give selected persons copies of “Fast Food Nation” for X-mas gifts. Really, I’m just thinking about their karma.
Sadly, Cambridgeport said,
October 5, 2007 at 15:43
Don’t Omega-3 capsules do the fish-oil nutrient thing well enough to replace eating fish?
Yes, but you will have to wait for the report that is being issued by the dietary supplement industry for that headline.
Dorothy said,
October 5, 2007 at 17:03
Mikey,
Some look at the world and say “Eewww”. I look at the world and say “Yum”….
My neighbors were driving through upstate New York with their 5 year old daughter. Mom points out a rabbit on the side of the road, and daughter responds, “Yum!”
Later they spot a deer. “Look, honey, a deer!”
“Oh, how cute!” daughter coos. “Mommy, have I ever eaten deer?”
So I suspect you two are somehow related…just sayin.
t4toby said,
October 5, 2007 at 19:26
Lesley- you live in Seattle?