Haha! That’s fantastic!

Great piece, and I love your dry sarcasm. I wrote a similar one myself, but I enjoyed reading yours too.

Then again, if you take the view that Barbara Thiering does, then it’s all code for politics among the various sects anyway. Not saying I believe or disbelieve: her stuff is fascinating, if rather lengthy and convoluted.

And the Revelations of Saint John the Invincibly Loony of Patmos are worth the price of a ticket: that man must have had access to some very high quality pharmaceuticals.

To be fair, Alec, it’s mainly the old testament that’s scary. The New And Improved Testament, built out of a selection of writings more-or-less about Jeebus, all say a lot about how it would be good if everyone was nicer. The OT was written before there was a Christianity, but for some reason the Council Of Niceaea stapled it on the front when they declared the New And Authorised Bible Which Will Make Your Whites Whiter.

Coincidentally, it’s from the OT that most wingnuts take their examples, because that’s chock-full of smiting and genocide and stuff.

Heh.

…these are the same sorts of people who fell for (and continue to fall for) the Book of Mormon, which for all of its and-it-came-to-passes and verilies and yeas and priestcraft sounds exactly like Protestant jackasses think Jesus does.

And the Book of Mormon is full of and-it-came-to-passes and verilies and yeas precisely because the King James Version is the only example of a religious text that Joseph Smith would have known.

OK. This is like the third post in a week dissing English majors. Enough already. Some of us are actually a) charming, b) literate, c) conscientious, d) productive members of society, and e) loads of fun at parties. In addition, a few of us can reliably spell all of those things.

Sheesh.

OK, I admit it. I always-already did.

Wow, I finally understand why I’ve never killed anyone, had an abortion, crucified Jesus or, gotten gay-married – I read a ton of Billy Shakespeare in high school and college!

Wow, I finally understand why I’ve never killed anyone, had an abortion, crucified Jesus, or gotten gay-married – I read a ton of Billy Shakespeare in high school and college!

Hope you don’t mind, but I’ve cleaned up a few redundancies.

The fact is, that gay marriage is an abomination because you are rejecting His sacred plan for you to marry a heterosexual spouse and produce lots of Christian babies. By choosing to be gay, you would be effectively murdering your unborn babies, which is also synonymous with abortion. That just crucifies our Dear Lord all over again.

Glad to hear that Shakespeare saved you from the gay, however. I will recommend his works to a formal pupil of mine. He wrote a very suspicious essay on Oscar Wilde, but was fortunate enought to have good Christian parents who shipped him straight off to a rehab program, where he has been ever since. Can you imagine if he had gone to college with those literary tastes? Most of those English departments are simply rampant with sodomites.

Or when Gulliver describes how many carts it took to dispose of his turds? Or the one where the Brobdingnagian ladies strip him down and take turns putting him between their breasts? Ah, the classics. Eternal verities.

And a revolt by a bunch of DFPs.