8
First Annual Sadly No! Abortion-o-thon
Hello there, Ladies and Gentlemen! I, HTML Mencken, welcome you to the Sadly No! Abortion-o-thon!!!
Above: Target Acquired
*APPLAUSE APPLAUSE*
That’s right, as part of our Get Out the Vote campaign for the Weblog Awards, we’re here and equipped with our nifty Swiss Army Abortion Kits, which, I’ll remind you, are available free at your local Democratic Party Headquarters, and of which you may choose among three models: “Sangerfroid Slayer,” “Fetalcidal Tendency,” and the “Twisty Fastest.” Union made by skilled Mexican immigrant hands, these beautiful tools (based on the Chinese original) are guaranteed to bore through even the most stubborn bits of play-doh and bacon.
So, friends, we have the tools. But do we have the volunteers? Who will pledge to abort their fetus right now? Do I have any takers? It’s LEGAL, my friends! C’mon, a pledge now so that we may entertain our fine audience of Weblog Award voters.
Oh, here’s one! Come forward, please; state your name, hometown, and why you want to have an abortion.
“Hi, I’m Cindy Jo, from Charleston, South Carolina. I’ve decided I want an abortion because there are too many rich white people as it is. I mean, if I abort this fetus, surely some Islamic extremist immigrant will have room to flourish here, right? That would be, like, so cool. Plus it would piss off my rich, Republican Daddy, who I learned to hate when I went to college.”
It would also make Mark Steyn cry! All right, everybody give Cindy some love. That’s just a great story, Cindy. Now if you’ll step this way, you can enjoy your abortion in no time…
Okay, we’ll take a break now so that you can vote for Sadly, No! Jon Swift. All right. Now, are there any other pledges? Wha– Gavin, there’s another? That’s great!
Okay, you’re…Mary Beth, is it? Tell us your story; why do you want to have an abortion?
Above: Formerly pro-life
“Okay, well, I’m Mary Beth from Polebarn, Virginia. I used to think all that “children are our future” crap, I believed in Jesus, President Bush, yadda yadda yadda. But then I started watching Hollywood movies and MTV; I experimented with drugs and sex, then my turn was complete when I took Professor Berube’s class at Penn State. And bam — just like that — I was worshiping Ba’al, living on welfare, and regularly defecating on the American flag. I’ve had 27 abortions in the last year and a half — all at taxpayer expense I’m proud to say. What’s 28? I love Sadly, No! Hell, I’d get two abortions for you! Wanna have sex? I think at the next ‘Fornicating Liberally’ party we should orient the orgy toward Mecca, then all of us ululate in unison –”
Okay, okay some of that’s not for the uninitiated, Mary Beth. But a very inspiring story otherwise. Now, Weblog Award voters, you don’t want to take for granted the high-quality, abortion-intensive blogging that you can only find on Sadly, No! To ensure continued blogging, we need your vote. Just stop a minute and vote right now. Thanks. And let me take this moment to remind you [eyes watering, quavering voice]… The year two of my posts were nominated for Koufaxes, those awards went defunct. Please vote for Sadly, No! Jon Swift now.
All right. We have time for one more pledge before the break? Great. Oh, I’ve just been handed a message from Bradrocket. It seems that we’ve inspired an entirely different but equally welcome sort of pledge. Twenty High School Seniors at Franklin Pierce High in Miskatonic, Massachusetts have just announced their conversion to homosexuality. Wow, that’s great. Give a big hand to the students, and vote for Sadly, No! Jon Swift.
All right. What a wonderful audience. And now for our final abortion pledge. Hello, there. Your name is…?
“Um, Marie — Maria, um, James.”
Above: A half-baked bun in her oven
No last names are necessary, Maria.
“It’s my middle name.”
Oookay.
“Anyway, I’m a born-again Christian, a nurse, and I work for Alan Keyes’ organization. Well, we had a party in celebration of getting Ambassador Keyes’ name on the ballot in my home state. I took some sinus medication, and feeling a bit adventurous, popped the top on a fully caffeinated Coca-Cola. I don’t remember what happened next, really — it’s very blurry — but Ben Shapi — er, Bob, the Harvard Law grad and campaign intern and I were chatting by the copy machine. I don’t know what happened next, but I’m sure it was dreadful. So, a month later, after feeling very ill and going to the doctor, I got a better idea. This thing is growing inside me:
“Oh, it’s awful. Last night I heard it speaking in tongues. Last week it tapped out a Morse code message through the wall of my uterus: ‘Unclean female vessel,’ it said, ‘fetch me a proper bow-tie.’ Can you imagine? It starts kicking unless I put my belly to the speaker whenever Bill O’Reilly’s on television.
“I was going to bring it to term and put it up for adoption, but …umm, Bob keeps calling, asking me how I feel carrying the ‘Wingnut Messiah, the Whackshitz Haderach, The Universe’s SuperWingnut;’ he’s creeping me out; sometimes he calls me ‘Rosemary’ and then giggles maniacally.”
Maria, we simply must get this thing sucked out of you and its constituent parts sent to a stem-cell collection lab, post-haste. What do you think, Sadly, No! voters?
*APPLAUSE APPLAUSE*
“Yeah, I think so, too. Then you can show me all this other liberal stuff I’ve been missing — the bisexuality, the money for not working, the witchcraft, the flag burning, the communism, the wearing the burqa, the anal sex, the Mexican reconquest, all that stuff.”
Well, we’ll see what we can do about that, Maria. [WINK!]
Wow, what an inspiring conclusion to our First Annual Sadly, No! Abortion-o-thon!!! Thanks for joining us and be sure to tune in next year!!!
Robert Green said,
November 8, 2007 at 20:46
now THAT is some offensive shit.
well played, html, as usual.
Candy said,
November 8, 2007 at 20:53
I have a feeling your abortion-o-thon is going to be followed by a troll-o-thon, HTML.
Gary Rupert said,
November 8, 2007 at 20:58
The fact of the matter is that you islamolib – *head asplodes*
Leonard Pierce said,
November 8, 2007 at 20:59
Hey, you guys told me that Fornicating Liberally was CANCELLED this year!
Righteous Bubba said,
November 8, 2007 at 20:59
This whole abortion thing tears me up inside. Or it tears little fetuses up inside, so big deal.
Legalize said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:01
Real Gary.
Principal Blackman said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:06
That Bible-clutching fetus thing is awesome–and I’m also not entirely sure if that was taken from a dead-serious wingnut blog or if it’s an original S,N! creation. Which makes it even more awesome.
blogenfreude said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:06
Awesome – as long as it doesn’t backfire …
Righteous Bubba said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:08
I wouldn’t want to end up with the Marie Jon’ stem cells and have to flush a whole bunch of stupid apostrophes out of my spine.
t4toby said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:08
This should be good.
Grabs extra large tob o’ corn with extra butter and cayenne, kicks feet up.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:14
Awesome – as long as it doesn’t backfire …
I believe abortion concerns the frontal parts.
HTML Mencken said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:15
This had better get us the the number one spot next year.
mikey said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:15
Hell, Mencken, I was truly inspired by your smarm…er, charming hosting of this auspicious event.
Overcome with the the warm glow of secular non-belief, I got halfway through performing an auto-abortion before realizing that not only was I not pregnant, I DON’T HAVE A UTERUS!
So, um when I get back from the proctologist I’ll be sure and vote.
(OUCH)…
mikey
norbizness said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:16
Does anyone have an animated .gif of Evil Neve Campbell?
Incontinentia Buttocks said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:17
Is this the sort of thing John Kerry had in mind when he recently said that the Democratic Party was “overly pro-choice” ?
J— said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:18
Dude, I thought you were joking about doing this.
billy pilgrim said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:20
It’s like when Dylan went electric.
Marita said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:21
I’m confused. I thought Sadly, No! specialized in gay abortions. What gives?
HTML Mencken said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:26
We do, but fewer gay people are having gay abortions now that they can get gay married and raise gay children. It’s all about making more Democratic voters and driving God out of America… Life is good.
actor212 said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:26
I thought exposure to Michael Berubé turned women into lesbians?
g said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:28
Awesome. Super-offensive. I give it a 9.9.
gbear said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:30
Yikes! You know, I think it might be a good idea to take S,N! off my favorites list on my work computer for a bit. See ya’ll in about 3 hours when I get home. Hoping that nothing gets deleted before then and that everyone has a fun, safe time. Buckle up and Bon Voyage!
owlbear1 said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:35
Oooh They’re gonna HOWL about that one!
and I lost lung–
the Whackshitz Haderach
redhawk said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:45
TOO bad that SADLY NO! is not using that Swiss Army tool kit to practice weekly self Lobotomies on its Pin headed Cranium… Now that would be a gift to Humanity!!!
Snowwy said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:46
Ride that edge, mate!
Snowwy said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:48
Not a moment too soon, here comes a screaming wingnut fetishist to set us *ahem* straight.
dlauthor said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:52
Redhawk:
This isn’t German or a Tolkien novel. You don’t have to capitalize every noun. Or whatever the hell it is you’re doing.
If only the Abortion-o-thon had been around back when your mom woke up sore after that frat party where they had the donkey …
mat said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:54
Come on, all you need to perform an abortion the old school liberal way is some Kettle One and a coathanger.
owlbear1 said,
November 8, 2007 at 21:54
What exactly was it that you found so offensive redhawk?
Robert Green said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:01
dlauthor currently in first place in the offense-o-thon
wow.
c’mon y’all, bring the big guns out.
Hysterical Woman said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:01
I’m already expelling my precious eggs! Vwahaha! Die, white race, die!
Walter Fergesen said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:01
You Left Wing wackos make me sick.
Marita said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:04
WhaT is iT with THE random capITalizaTIon of these TROLLS?
konopelli/wgg said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:05
one measly trool? one? and it pathetic at that? what has happened to the trool pool? have they stopped breeding them in the vats below the Naval Observatory, now that Cheney’s tenure is growing shorter? this is a pitiful trool performance, and the material provocation was superb.
are the rats truly fleeing the ship?
does it matter that WE are the ship they are leaving?
Righteous Bubba said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:08
Come on, all you need to perform an abortion the old school liberal way is some Kettle One and a coathanger.
Good lord that’s hideous. I think it’s a mistake not to mention the safe and clean nature of the modern ceremony and the great care and respect shown in the preliminary invocation and goat-slaughtering.
Walter Fergesen said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:09
You Left Wing wackos should all move to Holland. Your godless anti-American garbage is not welcome by the majority of Americans.
owlbear1 said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:12
Oh Walter call me ‘godless’ again you stud muffin!
Hysterical Woman said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:13
But Holland’s been taken over by Muslims!
owlbear1 said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:13
#
Marita said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:04
WhaT is iT with THE random capITalizaTIon of these TROLLS?
==
That is probably MY fault…
a different brad said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:17
Can I just request, as the designated aborted fetus grill chef, that as many of you as possible wait until the third trimester?
There’s nothing so satisfying as hearing the death cry of what amounts to a premature baby when I pop their lungs to let some of the juice in their ribs drain out.
owlbear1 said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:18
ooooh, nasty!
Legalize said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:19
I performed gay abortions to put my way through my gay, hippy, commie, elitist north eastern law school. Since then I’ve sued every person of means I’ve come across merely because they ARE persons of means, in order to serve my clients who are all brown and on welfare. Moreover, I am doing my best to ruin America’s economy by driving a fuel efficient vehicle; it’s all good though because of the gay Mexicans and Islamofascists I have working for me at the gay club rock and roll / abortion club I run.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:19
“the Whackshitz Haderach,”
Proving once again why Teh Sadlys rule.
“yoU leFt wInG wacKoS should all move to Holland.” Hey, I heard they had free health care there. You know what that means? Free abortions! Woo hoo!
And Godless? Make up your mind: Am I godless or do I only respeck Allah? There is only one
GodFlying Spaghetti Monster and his Prophet isBob DobbsMohammedGroucho Marks. Third strike, you’re out.t4toby said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:20
Oh, man. C’mon!
Bistroist said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:23
Does anyone have an animated .gif of Evil Neve Campbell?
This is why Norb should still be blogging.
OTOH, a google image seach for Evil Neve Campbell turns up this.
Cheap Cynicism said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:28
I never pledge for these things if there’s no tote bag involved.
Caveat said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:31
That is one of the most tasteless posts I’ve ever seen and the comments are running a close second.
This will generate some negative feedback from the Underbridge family.
Shouldn’t it read ‘Abort-O-Thon’, though?
Curious in San Francisco said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:32
Excuse me {raises hand}. I think my fetus is gay, is there a way to check before I have the abortion? I only want to abort heterosexual babies. Is that wrong?
Robert M. said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:49
Meh… I’ve never been into the whole “abortion” scene. I cut out the middleman and spill my seed directly on the ground, thereby efficiently murdering millions of pre-fetal-Americans.
(P.S. “Twisty Fastest”? Probably the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks.)
Righteous Bubba said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:49
Excuse me {raises hand}. I think my fetus is gay, is there a way to check before I have the abortion?
Eat a few pages of Heather Has Two Mommies. If your fetus jiggles around it’s gay. Or not gay. I forget which. Consult the spirit of Ramtha.
I only want to abort heterosexual babies. Is that wrong?
I don’t understand that last part.
Candy said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:49
I think it’s sad that HTML put up a tour de force of offensiveness like this and these pathetic, weak, English-challenged trolls are all we get.
Hmmm . . . that sounds like a tee shirt:
On the front: I offended the intertoobz and this lousy
tee shirttroll was all I got!On the back: Abortion-o-thon 2007
jim said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:50
You had me at “Whackshit Haderach”. I guess the author was Frank Herbert Walker Bush…What’s the name of that book again? Loon? Dunce?
Typical Republican said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:52
I knew it!
I’m sending this to Ann Coulter so she can claim it as the Democratic platform.
Oh, she already did that years ago.
Nemind.
Liberals. Hmf.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:52
Maybe that fucktard at DuFu can use this for fodder for his next attempt at “humor.”
Rufus said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:54
“I cut out the middleman and spill my seed directly on the ground…”
That’s littering and subject to a $500 fine. Please deposit your seed into the nearest trash receptacle. Thanks for keeping America clean!
Moominpapa said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:56
The whole post was just hateful. Good show!
Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 8, 2007 at 22:56
“Please deposit your seed into the nearest trash receptacle.”
Come on. We’re America-hatin, gay lovin’ liberals. We can do better than that. Take some inspiration from the Folsom Street Fair.
RodeoBob said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:01
Wow. Just wow…
I’d try to snark, but it’d be like a match next to the sun… after someone broke wind. Not even in the same league.
This is one of those things, like the puppet-sex in Team America that can’t be improved on, only stared at in awe.
I don’t despair for the lack of quality trolls… didn’t S,N! just acquire a cheeto-eating wingnut via cultural assimilation? Where is that orange-wanged guy anyway? I mean, if he’s going to “chase the cheetah”, shouldn’t we all get to reap the rewards?
t4toby said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:03
Ramtha! you know of Ramtha?
Oh, boy, what a maroon.
Who knew that having an ancient attained being inside of you would make you want plastic surgery that much. Who knew?
r@d@r said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:09
the Whackshitz Haderach
oh. my. F?!?IING. gooooooooooood
i think i need to go change my pants.
mikey said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:12
You Left Wing wackos make me sick.
Is it perhaps morning sickness? ‘Cause if it is, I think we can help you…
mikey
Matt T. said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:17
I cut out the middleman and spill my seed directly on the ground, thereby efficiently murdering millions of pre-fetal-Americans.
So, what, you wank and then run outside to spill your seed? Can’t you just use a sock or something? I mean, after all, there’s abortions to be done and you’re wasting time with all that running outside. You’ll fall back on your quota, and the Dark Lord Amanda Marcotte will come for you in your sleep.
And if we’re gonna be shipped over to Holland, I must say, I’m all for it. Send me right over, toot sweet. I imaging, though, they’ve got all the expatriate stoners they really need.
Chet Scoville said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:18
Dang, that was the most tasteless thing I have ever seen in my life.
You’ve just got to admire the, uh, purity of it.
Wally Whateley said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:20
But how does this help us win the War on Christmas?
Legalize said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:21
Holland’s where lazy hippy faggots can get on welfare to buy the really good drugs, right? Yes yes yes, AFTER performing abortions on white Christian heterosexuals.
Lesley said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:21
this seems an appropriate thread to throw this news item in:
sophie brown said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:22
Chet,
You have to admire the PURITY and the BALLS.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:27
Who knew that having an ancient attained being inside of you would make you want plastic surgery that much.
Jeezis. She’d better abort that thing and quick. I enjoyed this from the Wikipedia Ramtha entry:
Olexicon said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:29
“Abortions for some, miniature American Flags for others”
humbert dinglepencker said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:38
Holy sheepdoodle! I don’t know whether to give the award to ‘the Whackshitz Haderach’ or ‘Unclean female vessel,’ it said, ‘fetch me a proper bow-tie.’ Ahhahahhahhooooheeeee….
Nim, ham hock of liberty said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:43
It just so happens that my real, actual existing wife has a real, actual existing foetus (pronounced foe-eat-us) inside of her. You really don’t know how hard it’s been to keep my coat-hanger out of there for 5 months, just so I could donate during the Abort-O-Thon. This is some welcome release, I tell you.
It’s been hard on my wife, too. More than a few times, I’ve caught her throwing herself down the stairs and “accidentally” drinking anti-freeze. No, dear! All good things come to those who wait.
One less white male baby in the world! Wooooooooooo!
I’m gonna sell his supple supple hide on eBay and donate the proceeds to al Jazeera. k?
en_dash said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:55
Uh, I always thought “Mexican reconquest” was just a metonym for “anal sex”.
Five of Diamonds said,
November 9, 2007 at 0:00
That, my friends, was world-class snark. I laughed so hard I threw up the snowflake child I ate for lunch.
t4toby said,
November 9, 2007 at 0:03
You would think that a 20,000 year old being would picke someone less…trashy as its vessel.
Lesley said,
November 9, 2007 at 0:03
A heads up to male wingnuts who only f*ck to procreate:
Those naughty naughty women! How they tease!
Galactic Dustbin said,
November 9, 2007 at 0:07
You must be raking in the Soros Bucks for this post! It pleases our Master greatly! Perhaps this blog will now sit at His Right Hand instead of the Vile Orange One.
HTML Mencken said,
November 9, 2007 at 0:15
You guys are sweet, but really, I’m just recycling old jokes here.
kobie said,
November 9, 2007 at 0:31
With more babies being aborted and fewer children to buy toys for and to partake in holiday specials and pageants, the sooner we come to our final goal of winning the War on Christmas.
Righteous Bubba said,
November 9, 2007 at 0:56
I’m just recycling old jokes here.
I like to think of those as the stem-cells of later jokes.
Comrade Rutherford said,
November 9, 2007 at 1:19
Ya’all better thank my wife.
Her first abortion killed an evil so foul, she can only describe it as the anti-christ.
The other seven weren’t nearly as evil…
Thank god for abortions!!!
Comrade Rutherford said,
November 9, 2007 at 1:24
en_dash said,
November 8, 2007 at 23:55
Uh, I always thought “Mexican reconquest” was just a metonym for “anal sex”.
Actually it’s a sex position, that’s why the GOP loves saying it so much, those sex-crazed perverts…
Curious said,
November 9, 2007 at 1:29
Whackshitz Haderach?
That’s brilliant.
mikey said,
November 9, 2007 at 1:31
I’m just recycling old jokes here.
Well, isn’t it part of our goal to reduce the carbon footprint of our blogs?
mikey
Doodah said,
November 9, 2007 at 1:41
http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-brooks8nov08,0,3336685.column?coll=la-opinion-rightrail
“…Not too long ago, judicial nominees and political candidates could expect to be grilled on abortion…”
MMMMMMM, grilled abortion…
I’m fresh out at the moment, but I think the delectable soft-shelled crab at the Thai place around the corner might tide me over.
Galactic Dustbin said,
November 9, 2007 at 1:58
Uh, I always thought “Mexican reconquest” was just a metonym for “anal sex”.
Wooo-hoo! For my birthday my girlfriend said she was taking me out for “Mexican”- I thought it was just food!
I still want extra guacamole though.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
November 9, 2007 at 2:22
JZ Knight has been involved in several court disputes… for example, one involving the dissemination of material containing the copyrighted Ramtha.
So sue me, JZ Knight — I have just disseminated some material containing Ramtha.
I blame the picture of Marie Jon’.
Doodle Bean said,
November 9, 2007 at 2:28
You know, I’m the douchiest douche in all of Doucheland on the planet Douchebag and I find this in poor taste.
Carry on.
Adorable Girlfriend said,
November 9, 2007 at 2:35
Great now we all have to go out and get abortions.
Damn you, Bradrocket and HTML for making us keep up with you.
witkacy said,
November 9, 2007 at 2:39
Oops pow surprise!
That was some awesome shit!
Smiling Mortician said,
November 9, 2007 at 3:39
MMMMMMM, grilled abortion…
I’m fresh out at the moment
Check in with DiffBrad out on the deck. He’s taking orders — from Soros! Ha!
int argc said,
November 9, 2007 at 3:46
@witkacy:
OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
This post was all kinds of awesome.
ferret said,
November 9, 2007 at 3:54
‘Unclean female vessel,’ it said, ‘fetch me a proper bow-tie.’
Freakin’ brilliant.
DWF said,
November 9, 2007 at 4:01
That’s kinda icky.
Arky said,
November 9, 2007 at 4:31
This is why you guys killed (aborted?) the competition.
Oh, garcon! A barrel of Preparation H for this gentleman, s’il vous plait.
lobbey said,
November 9, 2007 at 4:38
You Left Wing wackos should all move to Holland. Your godless anti-American garbage is not welcome by the majority of Americans.
I love this shit, the automatic assumption that Holland is a world of left wing, abortion loving, drug taking, homosexuals. Aside from the mixing up of Holland and Netherlands, this is the country where you can get fined for putting your garbage out 1 hour early, not so liberal, fuckhead.
Cody said,
November 9, 2007 at 4:41
I read it and laughed, then I felt uncomfortable, then I laughed at feeling uncomfortable.
AkaDad said,
November 9, 2007 at 4:43
I never thought you would post something more offensive than my comments.
Well done!
Spartakus said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:12
Did somebody mention snowflake children? They make the best pizza topping.
Delivered to your door within the first trimester, or the next one’s FREE.
MzNicky said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:14
I’m seeing a whole lotta forced, nervous snark over this post. This at least reassures me that there still exists some semblance of recognition that abortion is, for thinking women, a traumatic, searingly emotional, life-altering occurrence. I get the “outrageously bad taste” thing. I cut my cynical teeth on MAD Magazine, SPY, and the Onion. I’m guessing you guys haven’t had much experience with the issue. And I say this as a totally pro-choice woman.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:32
“there still exists some semblance of recognition that abortion is, for thinking women, a traumatic, searingly emotional, life-altering occurrence.”
And I say this as a totally pro choice man type dude: Well, duh.
jeff said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:33
HTML, this really sucks. I’m a fan, but this runs counter to the liberal pledge not to kick people when they’re down.
HTML Mencken said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:35
Jeff, who’s down? Did I miss something?
MzNicky said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:38
Johnny Coelacanth: You mean as a “totally pro choice man type dude” who will never have to deal personally with the issue. Yeah. Duh.
HTML Mencken said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:41
Wait a minute — who’s down? Did something happen to Marie that I don’t know about?
MzNicky: this post is meant to bait wingnuts. It’s not serious.
MzNicky said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:42
HTML: I understand that.
owlbear1 said,
November 9, 2007 at 5:49
Why must ‘we’ always protect the feelings of those who refuse to even ‘acknowledge’ ours?
jeff said,
November 9, 2007 at 6:02
HTML, I’m your fan club, so don’t get mad.
Who is down? Well, I’ve had to make some difficult decisions in my life, and I guess I’m not really ready at all–in any fucking sense– to laugh at them.
Look, I LOLd at the post, then became very disturbed and then upset. I just meant, I think, that it is a difficult decision, and…well, I think the post is a kick at some people who are down.
That said, I know you don’t intend to hurt anyone. I love what you’re doing, and please keep up the great writing.
I’ll only push back when I feel like it.
jeff said,
November 9, 2007 at 6:05
HTML, I’ve already revised my thinking: now, I think the post is fine in context. Sorry about this, but these are difficult subjects; even if you do it well, it’s likely to upset someone. But, then, that’s the nature of satire.
HTML Mencken said,
November 9, 2007 at 6:07
Jeff: it’s cool. This was meant to be edgy. I wanted to bait wingnuts, but also wanted to make people laugh. Hard to write something simultaneously meant to appall and entertain without people getting caught, as it were, in the crossfire. But you’re right that I didn’t mean to hurt anyone (well, okay, wingnuts in their sense of propriety).
Spartakus said,
November 9, 2007 at 7:20
On reflection, the only concern I have would be that someone who had to undergo an abortion of a wanted pregnancy for health reasons might find our glibness to be really offensive.
However, I thoroughly enjoyed HTML’s post as a parody of what anti-choicers believe about pro-choicers/libberuls/etc, and for the sake of those anti-choicers who may tuning in, I don’t mind piling on the snark one bit.
RobW said,
November 9, 2007 at 8:33
I have just disseminated some material containing Ramtha.
Onto the ground or into an old sock?
jgmurphyj said,
November 9, 2007 at 9:51
Sorry Mr Kerry. I was overly pro-choice because I was overly pregnant.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
November 9, 2007 at 10:24
Onto the ground or into an old sock?
Onto the screen, if you must know.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 9, 2007 at 12:53
“You mean as a “totally pro choice man type dude” who will never have to deal personally with the issue.”
Exactly. And that’s what makes me pro choice. What was your point?
MFB said,
November 9, 2007 at 13:14
This is, ah, impressive.
It is, however, striking how darn serious everybody gets whenever somebody darn serious shows up.
It proves the power of crabdom (provided nobody discovers that you have a Republican Party membership card).
MzNicky said,
November 9, 2007 at 17:56
Johnny Coelacanth:
For one thing, what Spartakus said: “On reflection, the only concern I have would be that someone who had to undergo an abortion of a wanted pregnancy for health reasons might find our glibness to be really offensive.”
For another thing, I guess I just don’t find abortion to be a funny topic. No one adores good parody and satire more than I do, and taunting wingnuts with their own hypocrisy and loathesomeness is one of my favorite pasttimes. I’ve been pro-choice since before Roe v. Wade, and have served on the local Planned Parenthood board of directors (which down h’yere in teh Bible Belt is no picnic). Maybe that’s why I bristle when the subject is treated lightly. Didn’t mean to spoil anyone’s fun, but I love this site too much to feel that I should just shut up my yap-hole when something rubs the wrong way a bit, yes?
Dan Someone said,
November 9, 2007 at 18:35
Well, somebody sure seems to be angling for the position of official blogger to a Democratic presidential candidate, eh?
Righteous Bubba said,
November 9, 2007 at 19:05
I don’t think a squick is unreasonable for this post, although I think a central political battlefield simply cannot be off-limits for comedy. If your subject has some horror to it then comedy that doesn’t make use of that horror is not strong enough.
eruvande said,
November 9, 2007 at 19:25
::creepy voice:: Wait for my brother, Baron!
::Bene Gesserit nun whispers in ear:: Oh…what? Oooh…Never mind, Baron. Guess he’s not coming.
Kathleen said,
November 9, 2007 at 19:38
Dan Someone said,
November 9, 2007 at 18:35
Well, somebody sure seems to be angling for the position of official blogger to a Democratic presidential candidate, eh?
now that is some comedy.
joannegm said,
November 9, 2007 at 19:48
On reflection, permit me if I prefer the slightly less awkward “aborto-o-thon.”
IslamoCommuFascistLover said,
November 9, 2007 at 20:56
But then I started watching Hollywood movies and MTV; I experimented with drugs and sex, then my turn was complete when I took Professor Berube’s class at Penn State. And bam — just like that — I was worshiping Ba’al, living on welfare, and regularly defecating on the American flag.
Hillarious! Frankly I never thought S,N! would do better than the first of the “Eliminationist” posts ( http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/7665.html showing all the Islamophobe Wingnuts “coming out of the closet” and openly associating with Dutch & British Neo-Nazis), but I was obviously wrong. Entirely too funny!
Even many of the comments had me rolling, like This whole abortion thing tears me up inside. Or it tears little fetuses up inside, so big deal.
Keep up the great work!
Johnny Coelacanth said,
November 9, 2007 at 21:39
“I love this site too much to feel that I should just shut up my yap-hole when something rubs the wrong way a bit, yes?”
Agreed. We got nothing to argue over, you and I.
Doodah said,
November 9, 2007 at 22:16
Upon further consideration, I think that LATimes (link above) article might explain why we’re not seeing quality trollage on this thread. The cretins have moved on. Abortion? Shmabortion! The new litmus test is all about torturing terraists.
It’s fascinating how completely something that was The Most Important Issue Evah is now passe.
HTML, I think this bait is stale. Maybe you can apply your talents to a liberal-sponsored Let’s Blow A Terrorist For Freedom day. Or something.
Arlington Acid said,
November 9, 2007 at 23:41
Jesus! I’m actually starting to feel a wee bit sorry for that poor DumbFuck that got grouped with Sadly, No! I mean, the guy got STEPPED ON so badly, got the virtual shit beaten out of him to such a degree that he’s probably down in his Mom’s basement right now, weeping at the shame of it all in the dark, mold scented niche next to the furnace (that he’s referring to when he he tells anxious-to-get-away women about his “apartment”). I can imagine, right about now, that even Lucky Charms don’t hold any appeal to him, let alone the taste of the stale Little Debbies that he scored on the grocery store’s clearance rack. Oh….the agony of it all! He lost, *so badly* to the scourge of all wingers, Sadly fucking no!! Yeah, well it could’ve been different if his so called “buds” had gotten his back, like he’d gotten theirs so MANY times in the past! Come to think of it, I’ll bet he’s plenty pissed at them at the moment. I mean, he’s probably brooding BIGTIME about how much time and effort he’s put into whatever project *they* had going, trying to do his bit against islamofrappeism and the like, and they left him fucking HANGING for the entire blogosphere to laugh at and mock as pathetic and ridiculous!!! FUCK!!!! I just hope his Mom can cheer him up with a bag of the new extra-zippy Cheetos, or somethin’…
konopelli/wgg said,
November 9, 2007 at 23:53
i have wondered long and loud what might befall the male ‘pro-lifers’ who accuse women of having to have abortions because, essentially, they believe women are heartless whores who abort without compunction, if their women truly understood they were pre-judged by their own menfolk to behave that way, too? Bobbitry amid the babbitry?
Duros62 said,
November 10, 2007 at 0:23
Where the hell is Foe-tus-hammer when you need him?
Duros62 said,
November 10, 2007 at 0:27
Come to think of it, I’ll bet he’s plenty pissed at them at the moment.
Especially after all the vote-whoring he did over the past week.
I just hope his Mom can cheer him up with a bag of the new extra-zippy Cheetos, or somethin’…
“Cissy shows Butchie how to ‘do that’.”
*fapfapfap*
Heh heh
Flag Pin said,
November 10, 2007 at 5:49
“Above: Formerly pro-life” is hot.
BTW, SN rools.
Psycheout said,
November 10, 2007 at 22:59
Uh… ew.
Kelly said,
November 11, 2007 at 22:06
well, I’m 6 weeks pregnant and feeling a little moody, so I thought I would cheer myself up by looking at the winner of the ‘Funniest Blog’ weblog awards. Needless to say, it didn’t work and your blog literally made me lose my lunch. I’m sure you will all hate on me now and make HILARIOUS jokes about my unborn child while you congratulate yourself on your enlightenment, but I wont ever be coming back to see it anyways. sick sick sick
Ohio Bob said,
November 13, 2007 at 0:49
Does Swift’s A Modest Proposal also make you lose your lunch, Kelly?
That bad, bad man was far worse than anything in this post.
Sadly, No! » Serenade said,
October 10, 2008 at 1:43
[...] Never had a job, worshiped Ahmadinejad Was sticking pictures of Jesus in jars of piss Was kissing abortionists ’til I saw you on the Freepers’ mailing list, [...]
Serenade | PoliticsMuch.com said,
October 14, 2008 at 19:16
[...] Never had a job, worshiped Ahmadinejad Was sticking pictures of Jesus in jars of piss Was kissing abortionists ’til I saw you on the Freepers’ mailing list, [...]