Sep
23
23
I’m looking for bounty money
I need your help raising money so I can hire a paid thug to slap these guys around some:
Judging by how annoying these two are, I think most thugs would consider it pro bono work. I calculated that it’ll probably take us sixty-five cents. Start saving those pennies, chillens!
UPDATE: Oh hey, it’s Sunday, in’it? You know what that means:
No cameras, no problem. 38-7.
caliph garrett said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:13
It’s Chicago, so you should be able to find a few budget-minded killaz to rough this douche crew up.
mikey said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:18
I don’t think you need to bother. I’m no doctor, but it seems readily apparent to me that they both are suffering from a variety of neurological disorders along with at least one congenital birth defect.
I don’t think they’ll make the end of the year…
mikey
thebewilderness said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:25
PARIAH DOOM for six months, then a new religion springs up with them as martyred saints.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:26
UPDATE: Oh hey, it’s Sunday, in’it? You know what that means:
Skinz!
Matt T. said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:27
Man, geek-influenced “nerdcore hip-hop” is one of the most embarassing things white people have ever done. Someone needs to take that MC Hawking guy out behind a barn and beat the hell out of him. Seriously, it’s worse than punk blues (want to be cool like a black guy but still can’t be bothered to learn how to actually play the blues) or pasty doughy guys doing “ironic” character riffs on smooth soulmen like Barry White.
And then go after all those pop-punk bands that play video game theme songs while some pitiful human being plays all the way through “Ninja Gaiden” without dying once. You ever seen that? It’s apparently punk fuckin’ rock nowadays to show the entire world how utterly wasted your childhood was. Who knew. And don’t get me started on Cowboy Troy or Big & Rich.
*Shudder*…
Dan Someone said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:39
Hmm… Do you suppose Eric Mangini is going to whine to Roger Goodell that the Patriots must be cheating in some other, Sooper Sekrit way because they’ve scored exactly 38 points in all three of their games so far this season? If they had given up one more TD to the Bills, they could have matched up at 38-14 for all three games. Imagine the conspiracy theories then!
cellulose said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:42
I especially like how the entire universe will ignore the fact that JP Losman was injured on a completely dirty play by the Patriots tackle. Imagine if that happened to poor Thomas Brady.
kingubu said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:44
That video, wow. I mean, everyone makes up stupid songs, but why the fuck would anyone go out of their way to create free advertising– bad advertising– for that already oversold vomit-inducing shit. Also, the two kids rapping about fast food were pretty annoying.
Hoosier X said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:48
So that’s what Dinesh D’Souza and Jonah Goldberg are doing these days.
“Jonah! Stop fooling around with the brown-looking people and their funk hop music! I know you love McNuggets, but you’ve got to come in and finish your book so we can afford the tuition to Bob Jones University for Junior!”
“Yes, dear. Later Dinesh.”
“Later Jonah.”
Dinesh sighs in his loneliness and smothers it with McNuggets.
JRoth said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:49
a completely dirty play by the Patriots tackle
Aw shit! No he di’n't!
[Quick, think of a distraction]
Hey, that Barry Bonds sure has a large, unemployed head.
a different brad said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:51
Nownow Matt T. Don’t forget MC Chris. I was at his live debut, at an Xmas show run by Stella.
A little embrace of your inner nerd is a good thing.
And, ummm, if someone’s playing Ninja Gaiden at a punk show, doesn’t that mean there’s actually something interesting to pay attention to?
Zython said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:52
Pro bono nothing, I’ll pay YOU to let me beat those guys up.
noen said,
September 23, 2007 at 22:55
There are re-mixes of this.
a different brad said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:02
To be slightly less contentious, I meant pop-punk, not punk in general.
Mona said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:03
Brad, you now owe me a minute of my life.
It does the interesting question, tho, of when Pat Boone will cover this masterpiece.
Matt T. said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:13
A little embrace of your inner nerd is a good thing.
My friend, I regularly tell people I’m a fan of “Doctor Who”, so my inner nerd runs free and easy. However, he’s not stronger than my inner music lover who isn’t gonna put up with crap just ’cause it’s “ironically funny”. Heard that goddamn Alanis Morisette song for the first time in 10 years today and it explains why my generation puts up with such shit for music, I think.
And besides, that nerd-hop strikes me as another way suburban palefaces can enjoy the artistic fruits of the forbidden lower classes and embrace their superficial trappings as fashion without having to actually interact with them. It’s not exactly like the “Redneck Underground” in Atlanta and the bulk of Bloodshot’s artist catelogue, that clumsy stab at “authentic” via aping what you think is country music and redneck mannerisms, but there’s that same sort of relief that white people can now enjoy hip-hop and faux thuggery without actually having to ever be around a real live black person.
It’s not quite as depressing to see as the “Steady Rollin’” Tad Billingsworth, Attorney At Law, school of white-guy bluespersons, but it’s pretty damn close. Maybe if I was as big a fan of hip-hop as I am of blues, I’d gripe more about the musical content. But as it is, the whole shtick is just fucking embarrasing to see on so many levels.
And, ummm, if someone’s playing Ninja Gaiden at a punk show, doesn’t that mean there’s actually something interesting to pay attention to?
Actually, I haven’t seen the Ninja Gaiden band, so you might be onto something. However, I have seen the band in question do the whole shebang to Contra and I really don’t want to go through all that pain and disappointment in my species all over again.
Artie The Asterisk said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:21
Super Bowl XXXIX New England 24, Philadelphia 21*
Super Bowl XXXVIII New England 32, Carolina 29*
Super Bowl XXXVI New England 20, St. Louis 17*
*Important Note: In the first decade of the 21st century the NE Patriots were known to have violated the NFL policy which restricts a team from videotaping an opponent’s sidelines during a game. For other major league sports violations please refer to…
a different brad said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:28
All I really know is in the genre is MC Chris, who’s more comedian than serious musician.
You wanna get upset, look at Northern State. They offend me as a black woman, and I’m a white male.
bklyn said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:40
Yes, If it’s Sunday the sox fans are cryin’
JOBA!
Bitchez!!
Matt T. said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:57
You wanna get upset, look at Northern State.
Whoah. That’s…man, and one of ‘em worked on Hillary’s 2000 campaign, to boot. Another’s a former tree-hugging hippie kindergarten teacher. That’s just perfect. I honestly don’t think I’m qualified to judge the quality of the music snippets I heard as hip-hop qua hip-hop, but that…just did sound right.
But, hey….
*inhale*
……………………..
*exhale*
What the hell. Have fun.
Matt T. said,
September 23, 2007 at 23:58
but that…just did sound right.
I should say it didn’t sound right, rather. I make no excuses.
bronco214 said,
September 24, 2007 at 0:19
If you sicced some true thugs on them, I think you would have a hard time stopping them at a beating. ugghh!
dyspeptic said,
September 24, 2007 at 1:06
You have this all wrong. If you can supply me their location, I will pay you to give them a beat down. The fact that this occurred at the great shrine of assclownery(tm) only inspires me more
fardels bear said,
September 24, 2007 at 1:08
I have no idea why those two guys rapping about McNuggets is any stupider than any other rapper who ever rapped about anything else. They are all ridiculous. Now. Get off my lawn!
Bill S said,
September 24, 2007 at 1:27
It’s STILL better than the Pat Boone video in the previous post. If for no other reason than it’s shorter.
Johnny Coelacanth said,
September 24, 2007 at 1:31
Speaking of money, but otherwise apropos of nada, Newt is raising cash for a Presidential campaign! Our Savior!
JK47 said,
September 24, 2007 at 1:51
The McNuggets guys are still not as bad as Dr. BLT.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
September 24, 2007 at 2:37
At least you’re not looking for Mounty Boners, Brad. That’s what I thought you wrote the first time I perused teh post.
P.S. Fuicking skinz. One thousand seething webss! :(
tigrismus said,
September 24, 2007 at 2:47
Yes, If it’s Sunday the sox fans are cryin’
I weep: O boo hoo, O sob, we lost one after we’ve already clinched a playoff spot. *sniffle*
Ruthie said,
September 24, 2007 at 3:05
I need your help raising money so I can hire a paid thug to slap these guys around some:
Why pay? E-mail the YouTube to Focus on the Family and a few other choice wingnut groups, and explain that you’re “shocked and appalled” that MickyD’s has apparently hired these two functional illiterates to promote the use of CONDIMEMTS as a masturbatory technique!
The ensuing threat of a boycott by the mouthbreathers who are their primary customer base should encourage the jettisoning of the this ad campaign.
Ruthie said,
September 24, 2007 at 3:07
Oh crap! Previous post should read CONDIMENTS.
Dick Durata said,
September 24, 2007 at 3:49
Where are all the tasers when you need them?
Hysterical Woman said,
September 24, 2007 at 4:40
Ruthie, that’s not an (official) ad campaign. These guys weren’t paid by some middle aged suits. They’re embarrassing themselves for free. I know, that makes it several degrees worse.
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,
September 24, 2007 at 5:14
Condimemts rule! (oong gukka choong gukka uhhh)
I was scoping some Heinz on da corner spot, (oong ga goong ga chunk)
When a ho’ brung a frank with relish not! (oong a choonga choonga)
I said, baby, stretch it out flat, (chunk chunka)
Put some mustard on it yeah! (chunka chunk)
Combimemts yeah! Conchimemts okay! (oong oong ga chunka)
copyright pending
Righteous Bubba said,
September 24, 2007 at 5:41
It’s better than every McDonald’s commercial since McDonaldland was abandoned.
Ruthie said,
September 24, 2007 at 5:54
Ruthie, that’s not an (official) ad campaign. These guys weren’t paid by some middle aged suits. They’re embarrassing themselves for free. I know, that makes it several degrees worse.
No problemo! Since when have wingnuts let mere facts interfere with heartfelt umbrage? (See Jillian’s column below.) If the wingnuts threaten to boycott, MickyD’s can SUE the little bastards–which should cut short their ill-advised foray into the hip-hop culture.
(C’mon, tell me that doesn’t look like they’re advocating getting off by smearing condiments on their junk!)
M. Bouffant said,
September 24, 2007 at 6:00
So that whole thing w/ Brady knocking up models, & dating other models, etc., was to cover the fact that he is TEH GHEY, isn’t it?
The Collector! said,
September 24, 2007 at 6:10
I sincerely hope that Shayne Graham gets the Ebola virus.
Why must I root for the single most incompetent, stupid, and worthless franchise in the history of professional sports?
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,
September 24, 2007 at 6:36
Oh Filet-O’-Fish at last I’ve found you,
Now I know the meaning of tartar sauce,
We can build a balanced meal around you,
After which I will surely brush and floss,
bla bla bla however the hell it goes.
Copyright pending
Jrod said,
September 24, 2007 at 6:54
Big mac…
Notorious P.A.T. said,
September 24, 2007 at 7:27
Meanwhile, in Philly, the struggling Eagles host the soaring Lions, 2-0 and feeling proud.
BUT WAIT!
Donovan McNabb and company are a real football team, unlike the Lions’ first two opponents. Down goes Kitna! And the Lions are pummelled 56-21.
It’s better than every McDonald’s commercial since McDonaldland was abandoned.
Why are McDonald’s commercials so bad? Do they actively hate us? Those were actually a factor in my deciding to not eat there anymore.
Howie Mandel said,
September 24, 2007 at 8:38
I’m hosting a game show.
Aghast said,
September 24, 2007 at 11:02
“And besides, that nerd-hop strikes me as another way suburban palefaces can enjoy the artistic fruits of the forbidden lower classes and embrace their superficial trappings as fashion without having to actually interact with them.”
Eh, white people have been doing this since Debbie Harry.
But beyond that, I don’t understand the assumption that nerdcore artists and fans never have to interact with the forbidden lower classes (and really many mainstream rap artists are not now nor ever really have been part of the forbidden lower classes as much as they would like people to think). Being a member of the working class myself, I know a lot of people who identify with the video game, computer, sci-fi themes of nerdcore even if they don’t listen to the music.
This isn’t meant to be a defense of nerdcore even though some of it isn’t bad, but rather just a challenge to assumptions about race and culture and class.
And as a throwaway line–pop-punk is pop but it isn’t punk. The term itself is an oxymoron.
Thlayli said,
September 24, 2007 at 11:12
Donovan McNabb and company are a real football team, unlike the Lions’ first two opponents. Down goes Kitna! And the Lions are pummelled 56-21.
Very impressive. But WTF were the Eagles wearing??
Pere Ubu said,
September 24, 2007 at 14:32
the great shrine of assclownery(tm)
How did I know, even without watching the video, you guys were talking about McDonalds? The Wal-Mart of food! Sad purveyors of tasteless vaguely-edible plastic crap and self-conscious corporate hipness! Part of my personal Axis of Evil (Wal-Mart/McDonald’s/Disney)!
dyspeptic said,
September 24, 2007 at 14:51
Sorry, but the great shrine of assclownery(tm) is Wrigley. But add it to your Axis of Evil if you like. One more to go for the Pentaveret.
Sarcastro said,
September 24, 2007 at 15:35
Salsa y ketschup…
Disco meyer weiner!
Dan Someone said,
September 24, 2007 at 15:47
Do we really need to racially segregate music? When you accuse white nerdcore artists of ripping off black hip-hop culture, aren’t you in effect saying that white people should only make white people’s music and black people should only make black people’s music, and woe betide anyone on either side of that line who dares to borrow styles or rhythms from across the line? Yes, yes, Elvis appropriated the trappings of black music, blah blah blah. Never mind that if he hadn’t done so, hundreds upon hundreds of black artists might never have been heard. Yes, yes, suburban white youth are adopting the fashion of inner-city black youth, blah blah blah. What’s the horror there — that black inner-city culture should be made socially acceptable (with the rough edges sanded down), or that white kids are emulating blacks? I’m not sure I understand the problem.
So, nerdcore. It’s hip-hop and rap musically (rhythmically, stylistically), but the lyrics are geek culture oriented instead of thug culture oriented. So what? Does hip-hop have to be about smackin’ up bitchez and hoez to be worth listening to? I think just the opposite. (And how many more songs about smackin’ up bitchez and hoez do we really need?)
Artists make music that reflects their surroundings. It’s impossible to avoid Star Wars, video games and Goths these days, so they are going to feature more and more in certain types of music and art. As long as the technique is good — the rhythms appealing, the verbal gymnastics interesting — I find it enjoyable to listen to. I certainly prefer it to (most) country music.
As with any artistic taste, your mileage may vary. But please, save the pearl-clutching and disdain for someone who deserves it — like the Yankees.
Candy said,
September 24, 2007 at 15:56
OT, but a certain office space-style cartoonist published a beautiful bit of snark and is being flamed by the oh-so-clever darleen & beth types.
It’s amazing how many people visit humor sites and yet have broken snark detectors.
And since I’m venturing so far off topic into cartoon land, has anyone been paying attention to the Pearls Before Swine mockery of Family Circus? Elipse-headed kids
I really should do something productive now.
Dhalgren said,
September 24, 2007 at 16:54
Super Bowl XXXIX New England 24, Philadelphia 21*
Super Bowl XXXVIII New England 32, Carolina 29*
Super Bowl XXXVI New England 20, St. Louis 17*
*Important Note: In the first decade of the 21st century the NE Patriots were known to have violated the NFL policy which restricts a team from videotaping an opponent’s sidelines during a game. For other major league sports violations please refer to…
That’s right. The Patriots cheated in those games, but still needed comebacks in two of them. And in the one against the Eagles, they dilibrately allowed the Eagles back into the game.
Just wantch the Patriots go undefeated this season to shut you pricks up.
Dhalgren said,
September 24, 2007 at 16:55
J-E-T-S
S-U-C-K
And always will.
Enjoy your single SUper Bowl. That’s all you’re gettin’
Legalize said,
September 24, 2007 at 16:58
What’s the big deal about the McNuggets dudes? I think they’re pretty funny.
anon said,
September 24, 2007 at 17:07
I am having feelings. Feelings. Feelings for Brady. Tom Brady.
I think I need a poster of Tom Brady on the ceiling above my bed. A laminated poster. Of Brady. Tom Brady.
Lawnguylander said,
September 24, 2007 at 17:28
Holy shit man, Pats fans are starting to sound so much like asshole Yankee fans (have you started using the plural first person when referring to your team, huh? Of course you have.) that I might have to take the heretofore unthinkable step of rooting for the Yankees just so I can take pleasure in the Sox fans’ upcoming sorrow. That’s right dickheads. You are now the mirror images of all those triumphalist Yankee fans you hate so much and I’m going to laugh at your pain in the coming weeks.
Righteous Bubba said,
September 24, 2007 at 17:40
Would it be fair to say that Patriots fans are cockroaches?
fardels bear said,
September 24, 2007 at 17:44
So Patriot fans are the Belloc to the Yankee’s Indiana Jones? Is that the argument? Or is it Joker/Batman?
Lawnguylander said,
September 24, 2007 at 18:27
Would it be fair to say that Patriots fans are cockroaches?
I think the precedent has been set around here that it’s OK to argue like a wingnut when it comes to sports but that’s going too far. Why don’t we just hire some thugs to beat them all up instead?
Righteous Bubba said,
September 24, 2007 at 18:37
Why don’t we just hire some thugs to beat them all up instead?
A Gathering of Eagles Fans would be up for it.
Jay B. said,
September 24, 2007 at 18:40
Look, what most of you peasants don’t realize is that we also have the Celtics. And while they are only now becoming semi-relevant again, they do have 16 championships and a brilliant cheat coaching patriarch — so we New England sports fans have long been considered insufferable winners who polarize fandoms everywhere.
What made the Sox losing so scarring was the baroque ways they (used) to do it. Sure, some fans still get weird during long losing streaks and shit, but seriously, since the Yanks have the greatest choke in sports history on their record — I think Sox fans who are panicking right now are just being skirt-wearing Marys.
Legalize said,
September 24, 2007 at 19:28
Who would have thought that Tom Brady would play more total games in September than Manny Ramirez?! Just out of curiosity, and because I want to get this right, is not playing baseball in the month of September an official part of “Manny-Being-Manny”?
g said,
September 24, 2007 at 19:39
Part of my personal Axis of Evil (Wal-Mart/McDonald’s/Disney)!
Oooh, oooh! can I play? How about Entertainment Tonight?
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
September 24, 2007 at 19:49
What made the Sox losing so scarring was the baroque ways they (used) to do it.
Did somebody say Bill Buckner?
Lawnguylander said,
September 24, 2007 at 19:57
I
am starting a baseless rumorheard that Pats fans will be desecrating a Ron Jaworski jersey at Mo’s Caribbean next Sunday. Semper Aquilae!Bob Stanley & Calvin Schiraldi said,
September 24, 2007 at 20:03
Did somebody say Bill Buckner?
We’re not sure but we are so grateful every time someone does.
Jay B. said,
September 24, 2007 at 20:06
Yeah, but you see there was that “(used) to do it” thingy in there. The Buckner episode, like the Curse of the Bambino, the Ed Armbrister non-call, the beaning of Tony C. by the bastard Jack Hamilton, the Boston Massacre of 1978, Mike Torrez, Pesky’s Pause, pitching Denny Galehouse in 1948, etc. etc. those were passed down from generation to generation like Old Testament curses.
We were liberated in 2004 by the Greatest Team in History.
Buckner is now a passing annoyance. Bringing it up is like bragging that Jethro Tull won a best heavy metal Grammy. It just doesn’t matter anymore.
Legalize said,
September 24, 2007 at 21:05
“Buckner is now a passing annoyance. Bringing it up is like bragging that Jethro Tull won a best heavy metal Grammy. It just doesn’t matter anymore.”
Oh, yeah? Well it matters to Megadeath, buddy!
anon said,
September 24, 2007 at 21:12
I’m still having those feelings about Brady.
MCH said,
September 24, 2007 at 22:02
“Buckner is now a passing annoyance. Bringing it up is like bragging that Jethro Tull won a best heavy metal Grammy. It just doesn’t matter anymore.”
Oh, yeah? Well it matters to Megadeath, buddy!
Metallica, you mean? They’re the ones Tull were up against. Metallica played “One” at the awards, and when it was over it took about two full seconds for the audience to realize that the song had ended.
My friend’s dad still comments on Newsted’s Kaptain Krunch T-shirt. Without which I’d never remember such a thing.
And thanks to someone for mentioning “The Master of Disaster” Calvin Schiraldi and Bob Fricken Stanley. I’ve felt bad for Buckner for two decades. That was only Game 6, after all. Two outs, Stanley on the fricken mound, Mookie coming in to pinch-hit, rally ensues. Two freakin games in a row. Insert Berra quote here.
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain said,
September 24, 2007 at 23:48
>it took about two full seconds for the audience to realize that the song had ended.
Is that good or bad?
Pere Ubu said,
September 25, 2007 at 1:49
Oooh, oooh! can I play? How about Entertainment Tonight?
Pfeh, ET! is no more than a accessory to evil - just irrelevant and silly without that heapin’ helpin’ of “hipness” that makes the other three so dark. More like, I dunno, a Germany than a Venezuela.
Righteous Bubba said,
September 26, 2007 at 16:26
Metallica, you mean? They’re the ones Tull were up against. Metallica played “One” at the awards, and when it was over it took about two full seconds for the audience to realize that the song had ended.
They played badly that night.