You do realize that Pat Boone still has to Live this down, when he turned his back on good, wholesome music to embrace Da T00nz Ub De Dibble, to throw off his White, Christian, Hetero, Traditional image and give legitimacy to Satan worshippers like Ozzy &c? Consider it part of his pennance to “the Base”.

Then, once day, when she was seven, her Dad took her to a Purity Ball to pledge her virginity and over-all sexuality to her father’s care until the day that he allowed that control over her to her new husband.

Purity Balls:

I got my invitation to the annual Purity Ball
Seeing the location is within the mirrored room
Walking in my room I found I had nothing to find
I got into my evening wear and left my clothes behind
I sat down at the stairway seven hours at a time
Writing all of this poetry that I knew would never rhyme
The memory I know I must have had when I came in
Was of some place I’d never ever been
And then in came a cake all decorated in my name
With four paper brown candles are all spelling out this name
The clock was passing out from time to time
I saw it all at the beginning of the ending of my first Purity Ball

(Apologies to Alice Cooper: I just couldn’t help it)

I hear that in parts of the Bible Belt, cheesecake is banned as being too close to oral sex…

And PiaToR, it would involve cheesecake if I were doing it, but I think that would render the whole effort largely pointless.

mikey

You lifted that whole middle paragraph from the Republican platform, didn’t you?

“A beautiful rainbow of warped fetishes.” I’d bet on that as a business model.

Because the last thing that America’s children need to hear from anyone is that sex is fun, creative, natural, or bursting with colorful animated possibilities. They need to be scared shitless about how vile and wicked arousal is, so that when they go through puberty they will be sure to repress every naughty little thought until it all burst forth in some unanticipated new perversion. Prudery is the prism of American culture and it fractures us into a beautiful rainbow of warped fetishes. Like… Snow White and her Evil Queen/ teacher, or “Christian Spanking” or the whole “no female orgasms” game that the Victorians were so keen on.

Personally I was more tingly over the seven dwarves / Prince Charming gang bang, but then I”m a faggot.

I thought so. Well, I yam what I yam.

How many WMD in Iraq, Pat?

How many WMD in Iraq, Pat?

Ehhh – how good a seduction are we talking about? Will it involve cheesecake?

My scientists tell me that there maybe be some trick to appeasing it, possibly involving long naps while affixed atop it.

Little known fact: Hugo “Osama” Chavez is actually a lesbian dwarf.

I mean, this is too hot.

And World O’ Crap on The Cross and The Switchblade.