Jason Mattera, who once told Chris Matthews that he didn’t need to fight insurgents in Iraq because he was fighting liberals at home, is on the front lines again, this time running a Special Op against Congressman John Murtha.
Armed to the teeth with a video camera and a preposterous haircut, Mattera infiltrated the Rayburn House Office Building and hunkered down to wait for the Congressman. After a week-long bivouac at the Members’ elevator, Mattera at last spied the Congressman approaching. Mattera leaped from his hiding place and attacked, declared victory, jumped in his armored vehicle and rushed back to the base to post the video of the thrilling mano-a-mano confrontation on YouTube.
For those who might be disturbed by the gratuitous violence and gunfire in the video, and would rather not click through the previous link, here’s a partial transcript:
MATTERA: Congressman Murtha, Jason Mattera, Young America’s Foundation. Now that the first charges against Lance Corporals Justin Sharratt and Stephen Tatum have been, uh, dropped in the Haditha incident, or are in the process of being dropped, would you like to issue an apology for saying that they killed innocent civilians in cold blood?
I love the smell of manufactured outrage in the morning! Murtha, you see, never named Sharratt or Tatum, or anybody else, as responsible for the Haditha deaths. This is all he said:
Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them, and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood.
Murtha said “our troops.” He didn’t single out Sharratt or Tatum or anyone else. And the Marines themselves seem to think that our troops killed civilians in cold blood because they have taken the charges against Staff Sgt. Frank D. Wuterich to trial based on testimony from another Marine that Wuterich shot civilians in Haditha without cause.
Oblivious to these facts, a whole battalion of of wingnut bloggers have posted the tape of the Battle of Rayburn HOB, and ever since been high-fiving and shouting “Hooyah” to each other over Matterra’s extreme courage under fire. Among the battalion are Allahpundit’s butt boy PFC Bryan as well as Staff Sgt. Jim “Gateway Pundit and Fashion Model” Hoft, Brigadier General Scott “Big Trunk, Small Johnson” Johnson, and, natch, Lance Cpl. Charles “Little Green Dingleberries” Johnson (note: referrals from here are often bravely redirected).
The best part of the Battle of Rayburn HOB, however, seems to have gone unnoticed by all those clamoring to award Mattera the Medal of Honor. As Mattera, guns blazing, tried to follow Murtha into the Members’ elevator, this exchange occurred:
MATTERA: Do you like besmirching our troops, sir? Do you like besmirching our troops, sir?
MURTHA: Have you been in the service? I enlisted in Korea and I enlisted in Vietnam . . .
MATTERA (ignoring Murtha’s inconvenient question): You accused them of murdering innocent civilians in cold blood! That’s something that would come from Al-Jazeera!
And something that could have come from the Marines too, since they have taken the charges against Sgt. Wuterich to trial. I always knew that the Marines and Al-Jazeerah were in cahoots.
But before Mattera could blast another volley at the Congressman, the elevator door shut and the enemy escaped. Mattera then mugged a shit-eating little grin for the camera and went back to his base . . . ment. I think we can safely say that our young hero now knows first-hand what they mean when they say that war is hell.