Sep
15

Thoroughly Modern Milblogs, or, We’re Off To See The Lizard




Posted at 23:47 by Mister Leonard Pierce

You might wonder whether the President of the United States pays any attention to blogs supporting the war effort.

So says N.Z. over at the Victory Caucus, and he’s right! I have often wondered: “Gee, does the president have time in his busy schedule of jogging four hours a day and not reading the newspaper to meet with a bunch of right-wing cranks?” Luckily, it turns out he does. N.Z. and a handful of other milbloggers got to meet with the Commander in Chief yesterday morning, and it turns out he’s got a lot on the ball! Opinion varied as to whether he’s doing a super-duper-great job or merely a super-great job, but one thing’s for sure: he is easily able to convey his awareness that a war is going on! Let’s check out some exciting excerpts from this meeting of the minds.

roggio
Above: “I’m gonna have to disagree with you, Matt; I believe
that the president is, in fact, doing a mega-ultra-great job.”

* Bill Ardolino at In DC Journal (who also provides the gangbusters Bush quote of the conference as his headline: “I find it interesting that [I] would be sitting down with bloggers”, surely the most enthusiastic espousal since Krusty the Klown’s “I heartily endorse this event or product”) was pleasantly surprised that the President seems to know things about the war:

I was surprised by Bush’s command of details in Anbar and his recognition of certain problems.

Wow! I would also be surprised that Bush recognized certain problems, as well. But wait, it gets better!

* Bill Roggio at The Long Pig War Journal…well, let’s let Big Boy Jammies report it:

I posed the following question to President Bush: We are fighting hot wars on two major fronts: Iraq and Afghanistan. In both conflicts, there are safe havens fueling the insurgencies in these nations.

Great! That’s not a question, really, but still! (You have to go to Roggio’s site to get to the actual question, which comes after seven sentences of him showing off how smart he is, at which point Bush had probably wandered off to play paddleball.)

* Blackfive seemed to mistakenly believe he was meeting the Rolling Stones:

It was very cool. The President of the United States slapped my hand and called me “brutha”. Top that…Ardolino looked like a freakin’ rock star…I was able to shake Tony Snow’s hand and tell him “You were there when we needed you…” The one thing that he made sure was accomplished in the hour he spent with us was to say “Thanks.” For an hour today, it made it all worth it. He just wanted to say “Thanks, friend.”

Hard-hitting independent journalism, there, Blackfive! Thanking a bunch of sycophants for helping him spread a propaganda message? Mission accomplished indeed!

* Not to be outdone, John at Castle Argghhh took advantage of his one and only meeting with the world’s most powerful man to report this Iraq War shocker:

Barney is one *fine* looking Scotty.

Whoa! Slow down there, big fella; what you’re contemplating is still a crime in all but 20 states.

* By far the best revelations came from Victory Caucasian N.Z. himself, though. Listen to these fascinating tidbits from the mind of our president:

The President told of how his father fought the Japanese, and how he himself had now met with the Japanese Prime Minister in the Oval Office to discuss how Japan and America could work together to help newly forming democracies.

So, his father killed them, and he has meetings with them! That’s progress!

On progress in the war: “Wars don’t go from Point A to Point Z; democracies don’t go from Point A to Point Z.”

I dunno. I think this war went from point A to point Z pretty quickly, myself, but what do I know? If I was smart, I’d have gotten to meet the president.

On the Taliban’s “offensives” in Afghanistan: “When they show up, they are losing.”

So, really, even though we ‘defeated’ them six years ago and they’re still controlling parts of the country and fighting us after we declared victory, it’s okay, because they’re losing! Just look at the historical parallels, what with all those futile German and Japanese attacks we had to endure in 1951.

On Al Qaeda’s leadership: “When you look at the history of the Chief Operating Officer of Al Qaeda [bin Laden's top deputy], you’re not alive or you’re captured.”

Oddly, when you look at the history of the leader of al-Q’aeda, you get kind of a different picture. But you know how it goes, when you’re getting to shake hands with Rush Limbaugh’s old weekend guy and scope out a really hot-looking Scottish terrier, you can forget to ask those kind of trivial questions.

On the challenges of finding democratic leaders to step up in Iraq, he described a conversation including Ambassador Crocker where someone cited the example of South Africa’s Nelson Mandela and asked of Iraq, “Where’s Mandela?”. The President said “Crocker said, ‘dead’…[killed by Saddam]…this is a society that’s learning how to be a democracy.”

Now, a casual reading of this paragraph might lead you to think that the president’s ambassador to Iraq thinks that the actual Nelson Mandela is dead and that Saddam Hussein killed him. But read a little deeper and it’s totally more sophisticated than that! What he’s saying is that there was probably once an Iraqi analog to Mandela, and that he can’t step up to advocate democracy because Saddam Hussein had him killed. It is entirely possible that the president himself, however, thinks that Nelson Mandela is dead, seeing as he didn’t want to meet with the guy on his last trip to Africa. But we can always hope that an Iraqi Mandela will someday emerge, so that he can go to jail and Dick Cheney can oppose his release.

On the new Iraqi government’s need to gain the trust of their people: “Does the average cat understand… this is a government for the people?” (yes, the President said “cat”. Groovy.)

Far out! The president totally groks on how the average Iraqi cat can’t get with the whole democracy bag! That’s like, heavy, man!

Responding to one of the bloggers in Iraq he expressed envy that they could be there, and said he’d like to be there but “One, I’m too old to be out there, and two, they would notice me.”

If only he’d had the opportunity to fight for freedom at some point in the past, when he was younger and less recognizable.

bushnam
Above: “Oh, would that I could have been there!”

59 Comments »

  1. Pere Ubu said,

    September 15, 2007 at 23:57

    The President told of how his father fought the Japanese, and how he himself had now met with the Japanese Prime Minister in the Oval Office to discuss how Japan and America could work together to help newly forming democracies.

    Did he also mention how Poppy puked on the aforementioned Prime Minster?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnOnDatqENo

  2. Leonard Pierce said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:03

    Okay, so it’s (killing them) –> (throwing up on them) –> (having meetings with them). IT’S STILL PROGRESS, DAMMIT!

  3. FlipYrWhig said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:17

    “When you look at the history of the Chief Operating Officer of Al Qaeda [bin Laden’s top deputy], you’re not alive or you’re captured.”

    And it happens in a matter of days. Kinda like that movie _The Ring_.

  4. Clif said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:17

    Oh God, Bush is still telling the “once the japs were our enemies but now I can eat a steak with the PM” story again. He tells that story every chance he gets, like old uncle Lester who never tired of telling the family about how even though he was just an insurance salesman from Alabama he once ate in the same restaurant that Rita Hayworth had eaten in just two days before. . .

  5. Legalize said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:24

    Wait a second. Wait. Wait. Wait …. No, forget it; all of my questions were cogently answered by this group of hard-hitting, completely independent-thinking bloggers!

    Teh Surge is working! It must be because Saddam killed Mandela, which is a good thing … or something!

  6. Robert Green said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:39

    i absolutely refuse to believe that Bush really said he wished he could be there fighting in iraq. it’s as if he brought irony back from the grave where it was buried (by him, i might add), then blasted zombie irony with a shotgun to the head, sending it back from whence it came.

  7. Gundamhead said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:41

    Good Lord that was embarrassing. Do these people have ANY self respect or shame or anything? I know I know. Sorry I even brought it up. But still…goddamn.

  8. J— said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:49

    I look forward to Althouse’s analysis of that image posted at In DC Journal.

  9. Doodle Bean said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:49

    Saddam killed Nelson Mandela?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

    Oh NOESSSSS!!!!

  10. Kathy said,

    September 16, 2007 at 0:53

    “When you look at the history of the Chief Operating Officer of Al Qaeda [bin Laden’s top deputy], you’re not alive or you’re captured.”

    By ‘you’ did he mean the interviewer?

  11. rickygee said,

    September 16, 2007 at 1:11

    Bah –
    9/11 changed everything! (except their diapers)

  12. STH said,

    September 16, 2007 at 1:25

    Sorry, off topic, but Revere is drawing some pro-war wankers today in comments and they’re using Michael Totten as a source for their bullshit:

    http://scienceblogs.com/effectmeasure/2007/09/i_hear_america_singing.php

  13. His Grace said,

    September 16, 2007 at 1:26

    The weird thing about the keyboard kommandos’ bulge of glory towards the decider is that we and them don’t speak the same language. When they hear stuff like “Does the average cat understand… this is a government for the people?” they say stuff like “(yes, the President said “cat”. Groovy.)”
    They then think it paints a picture of why we all should have a mancrush on Teh Commander Guy, when instead we are laughing our asses off.

  14. Mehitabel the Abyssinian said,

    September 16, 2007 at 1:46

    “Does the average cat understand… this is a government for the people?”

    Speaking on behalf of the average cat, I shake my hind leg dismissively at the government of Iraq.

  15. Some Guy said,

    September 16, 2007 at 1:55

    It’s like “Government by Spin n’ Say.” I especially like how he’s getting pissed that those damn sand niggers are to stupid to realize that this is THEIR government! So long as the people that WE like win.

  16. Catz Against Bush said,

    September 16, 2007 at 1:56

    The average cat — though cats are seldom if ever actually AVERAGE thanks very much — would not be best pleased to be used as a rhetorical example by Bush.

  17. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:01

    Thoroughly Modern Milblogs, or, We’re Off To See The Lizard

    Two proofs in one that WE OWN SHOWTUNES, CLOSETED FASCISTS!

  18. Graham said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:05

    …he is easily able to convey his awareness that a war is going on!

    All right then. That one brain cell he has is still clinging on for dear life. We thought we lost it last time he sneezed.

  19. J— said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:15

    My sources swear to the authenticity of this video of the president’s meeting with milbloggers.

  20. MrWonderful said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:27

    “He just wanted to say “Thanks, friend.”’

    Oh God, this poor sod. Go look at his site: the photos on the About page, the little brother, the proud ‘n’ happy warrior on the tank, the wife he adores.

    You give these semi-insightful, good-hearted people some cliches that jibe with their emotional life, and this is what you get: poor well-meaning shmucks manipulated by the Bushes and Cheneys of the world. Talk about “false consciousness.”

    It’s fun and bracing to hate these assholes, but I don’t think this guy is one of them.

  21. MrWonderful said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:28

    Which is not a rap against you or this post, Mr. Pierce, since I bow to no one in admiration of both your writing *and* your brisket recipe.

  22. Hoosier X said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:30

    Wow!

    The president got to meet war bloggers!

    He is so lucky!

    I am so jealous.

  23. mikey said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:33

    Ok, “Bill Roggio” is a new one on me. But that picture? Pretty sure that is a picture of a dead guy after getting the embalming, the makeup and the front half of a suit.

    Now I don’t know who Bill Roggio is, but it seems logical to me that if he is writing he cannot be dead. Ergo, the picture of the dead guy is not a picture of him. One kind of wonders what’s going on here.

    Oh, and in no way does this comment represent “lookism” or “sammichism” on my part. It may, however, contain a certain amount of “deadism”….

    mikey

  24. Smiling Mortician said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:42

    Does the average cat understand… this is a government for the people?

    Conveniently leaving out of the people and by the people. Bah. Two extra prepositions. Waste of words.

  25. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 16, 2007 at 2:50

    Alan Greenspan claims Iraq war was really for oil

    I gather that what Alan Greenspan is on about is that he, personally, is an incredible asshole.

  26. Snorghagen said,

    September 16, 2007 at 4:08

    MrWonderful writes:

    You give these semi-insightful, good-hearted people some cliches that jibe with their emotional life, and this is what you get: poor well-meaning shmucks manipulated by the Bushes and Cheneys of the world. Talk about “false consciousness.”

    And look at his comments section – those guys are gobbling up all this jive like Donner Party survivors wolfing down cheeseburgers. They are frigging desperate for some sort of affirmation for their beleaguered delusions. Reality is closing in on the poor devils, and it’s merciless.

  27. Smotes Durston said,

    September 16, 2007 at 5:21

    he was just an insurance salesman from Alabama he once ate in the same restaurant that Rita Hayworth had eaten in just two days before. . .

    Hey! Once I delivered mail to the house that Jessica Lange’s sister used to live at! It’s true! They told me at the station! And it was the Long Pig Journal!!!! Coincidence???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  28. Anne Laurie said,

    September 16, 2007 at 6:12

    I absolutely refuse to believe that Bush really said he wished he could be there fighting in iraq.

    Oh, that’s one of the most “believable” parts of the whole narrative, Mr. Green! That particular brand of santimonious hypocricy is the very essence of the Bush family over the generations. His daddy, for instance, spent about six weeks during his Presidential campaign decrying the way that some people were whispering that Dukakis had seen a psychiatrist after his brother’s suicide, and nobody wanted a President who wasn’t right in the head, but he, Poppy Bush, was far too broad-minded to bring up a dirty secret like that, if only somebody else hadn’t brought it up first (which they hadn’t, except for Bush’s campaign manager). And I hear that Dubya’s grandpa Prescott used the same cute trick during his first Senate campaign in the 1950s, publicly announcing that *he* was not the sort of person to bring up the fact that his big-city-based Democratic opponent was a first-generation American, and incidentally, a Catholic who probably owed his primary allegiance to the Vatican instead of the Constitution…

    One thing nobody has ever accused Dubya of is originality. He’s a pure example of the old saw about the (poisoned) apple not falling far from the (toxic) tree.

  29. Jon H said,

    September 16, 2007 at 7:11

    Maybe the Iraqi Mandela is locked up in Gitmo because he’s a terrorist.

  30. Col Bat Guano said,

    September 16, 2007 at 7:37

    Let’s check out some exciting excerpts from this meeting of the minds.

    By “meeting of the minds” you meant “random encounter of some barely functioning brain stems” right?

  31. Some Guy said,

    September 16, 2007 at 8:37

    Jon H said,
    September 16, 2007 at 7:11
    Maybe the Iraqi Mandela is locked up in Gitmo because he’s a terrorist.

    They would, too.

  32. Phoenician in a time of Romans said,

    September 16, 2007 at 8:38

    Maybe the Iraqi Mandela is locked up in Gitmo because he’s a terrorist.

    Just what I was thinking – Mandela was indeed a terrorist. If his activities are legitimised now by fighting against white domination and an unjust government, what exactly does that mean for the Iraqi “terrorists” locked up for fighting against American domination and a puppet regime installed by force of arms?

  33. lobbey said,

    September 16, 2007 at 8:40

    Sorry, off topic, but Revere is drawing some pro-war wankers today in comments and they’re using Michael Totten as a source for their bullshit:

    My my, those comments really are Teh Stupid, loved the guy who was claiming the domino effect in SE Asia had happened (Myanmar – left wing, wtf?), but even better was the guy who said that Iran was only 51% Persian!!!!

  34. josephdietrich said,

    September 16, 2007 at 11:40

    I noticed this on Defense Tech where overawed blogger Ward “rank[ed] the event a close second to the time [he] sat in with Cheap Trick. It was that good.”

    I don’t suppose it is too surprising that you give these folks a little brush with fame and they will cream their panties, but still. I guess that is the whole reason a lot of these people started blogging in the first place, to try and grab at that 15 seconds or more of fame just like those lucky talking heads on the TV.

  35. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    September 16, 2007 at 11:47

    i absolutely refuse to believe that Bush really said he wished he could be there fighting in iraq. it’s as if he brought irony back from the grave where it was buried (by him, i might add), then blasted zombie irony with a shotgun to the head, sending it back from whence it came.

    Robert, I think that the only way irony could return by now is in a bucket. **

    And apropos of Teh Slur Against Cats, may I say that I heartily reject any and all attempts to associate a toad-burger like Bush with the feline species. I wash my bottom at him and the horse he rode in on.

    ** That’s a reference to a marvellous BBC series I saw once about death. This particular episode, they interviewed a guy who collects the bodies of people who’ve died (as opposed to the ones who just walk in, sheesh, I don’t know). He mentioned one case where someone had died in bed, the electic blanket was on, and they weren’t discovered for some days.

    As you may imagine, this made removal a little difficult, necessitating the use of buckets. The guy, quite calm and deadpan, said “They were what we in the trade refer to as ‘soup’.” Marvellous imagery that I still can’t get out of my head.

  36. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    September 16, 2007 at 11:48

    Burma? Left wing?!? Jeebus, what drug are these guys on?

  37. Pere Ubu said,

    September 16, 2007 at 15:05

    Does the average cat understand… this is a government for the people?

    More like The Foremen’s version:

    … the government at the people, and above the people, and in spite of the people shall not perish, but that certain people shall…

  38. Snorghagen said,

    September 16, 2007 at 15:11

    Burma? Left wing?!? Jeebus, what drug are these guys on?

    Some of these geniuses insist that the Nazis were leftists since they were members of the National Socialist Party.

  39. R. Porrofatto said,

    September 16, 2007 at 15:46

    Did any of the miltown bloggers ask Bush if he, too, agrees that all liberals are scum and should be eliminated?

    I agree with mikey. That’s some picture. I don’t want to be lookist either, but the distance from the top of Bill Roggio’s head to his eyebrows is the shortest of anyone I’ve seen who hasn’t had his skull crushed in. Lack of cranial capacity might explain a lot—it’s well known that the part of the brain at the very top of the head is the seat of embarrassment. Or maybe I have that backwards…

  40. Hysterical Woman said,

    September 16, 2007 at 16:43

    Mikey, that’s so undeadists! I’m telling Reginald Shoe on you!

  41. RubDMC said,

    September 16, 2007 at 17:40

    “Pretty sure that is a picture of a dead guy after getting the embalming, the makeup and the front half of a suit.”

    Could be, Mikey, but I think we need to hear from Teh Smiling Mortician for the definitive take on that one.

    But as for that urn on the desk…

  42. Julia Grey said,

    September 16, 2007 at 20:05

    The guy, quite calm and deadpan, said “They were what we in the trade refer to as ’soup’.” Marvellous imagery that I still can’t get out of my head.

    And now neither can we.

    Thanks buckets.

  43. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    September 17, 2007 at 1:38

    Hysterical Woman, I believe that Reg is busy nailing his hand back on. He’ll return after this message.

  44. Sarcastro said,

    September 17, 2007 at 20:24

    The President of the United States slapped my hand and called me “brutha”.

    If he had a clipboard he was, like, totally trying to steal your bike.

  45. HorsesAss.Org» Blog Archive » This Week in Bullshit said,

    September 18, 2007 at 7:56

    [...] Unfortunately, we know the kind of people who have the president’s ear. Sad pathetic people. People who get all hot and bothered to see the President of the United States [...]

  46. Buck Sargent said,

    September 18, 2007 at 17:55

    You lefties are just so pitiful. You really still think any normal American would take your side over those who have laid everything on the line for their country? Get used to being frustrated and angry, because things aren’t going to get any better for you nutjobs anytime soon.

    A single word of advice: medication.

  47. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 18, 2007 at 18:45

    Well, Fuck Sargent, some veterans say one thing and some say another. The point is not argument from authority but doing the right thing.

  48. stace said,

    September 18, 2007 at 21:20

    Bubba, do you have anything more recent than Feb ’06?

    “Fuck Sargent”–how witty, and what a nice thing to call someone who’s served in both Afghanistan and Iraq and will be heading back there soon. Why do you think you know more about Iraq than he does?

  49. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 18, 2007 at 21:35

    Bubba, do you have anything more recent than Feb ‘06?

    Of course. Are you stupid or something?

    The point, Staph, was that Fuck Sargent’s asinine appeal to authority presumes that “those who have laid everything on the line for their country” speak with one voice. They don’t. If you weren’t some sort of idiot you’d understand that.

    “Fuck Sargent”–how witty, and what a nice thing to call someone who’s served in both Afghanistan and Iraq and will be heading back there soon. Why do you think you know more about Iraq than he does?

    When he behaves like something other than an idiot he’ll get better treatment. So will you. Until then he’s just another dope. I made no assertions about Iraq and neither did he, but I forgive you for your inability to read.

  50. stace said,

    September 18, 2007 at 22:04

    An online poll? Where anyone can vote, and can vote as often as they want to. There’s no demographic sampling. Online polls are not scientific.

  51. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 18, 2007 at 22:07

    An online poll? Where anyone can vote, and can vote as often as they want to. There’s no demographic sampling. Online polls are not scientific.

    Again, you are missing the point, which is DIFFERENT PEOPLE CAN HAVE DIFFERENT OPINIONS, whether serving in the military or not. That you feel this needs to be proven is evidence only of your own idiocy, but knock yourself out.

  52. mikey said,

    September 18, 2007 at 22:52

    *AHEM*

    Gee, I wonder if we could find a decorated american combat veteran around these parts who virulently opposes the illegal occupation of Iraq and the criminal policies of the bush/cheney cabal.

    Seems like there was just one of those guys here the other day…

    mikey

  53. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 18, 2007 at 23:05

    Seems like there was just one of those guys here the other day…

    Good lord! Why it’s living and breathing proof that Fuck Sargent shares the opinion of a subset of the whole group he purports to speak for! What is a stupid argument to do but vanish in a greenish smoky fart?

  54. MB said,

    September 19, 2007 at 4:10

    R. Porrofatto and josephdietrich,

    None of the bloggers were carried away by the atmospherics (“cream their panties” – they simply noted said atmospherics as part of a full report. But those who would feed the ignorati simply chose not to cut and paste anything beyond that from the meeting. If any of you were to examine the actual questions those bloggers had for President Bush, you’d notice a theme…

    And Mrs Greyhawk, the lady who’s very quietly done more work than anyone in history to bring the voices of deployed troops to the people they serve She reads hundreds of milblogs every morning to report the good and the bad. (And very quietly done a lot for the wounded troops, too.) She doesn’t do it for the fame. Make up your minds do you support the troops or do you follow the mantra that they’re all “baby killers.”

    If you are far, far, removed from the reality of the war on terror – say, if you’re a “columnist” or “blogger” or “commenter” interested only in the political gain you can get from a war (for instance, you use “conservative blogger” as interchangeable with “milblogger” in your report of a White House visit by an Iraq vet, the wife of a guy currently serving in Iraq, a citizen of Baghdad, four other veterans, one which is on the advisory committee to a Democrat Representative, two in Iraq and one American civilian) you’re not going to notice that these are people who are in the war. If you do notice that inconvenient truth, you’ll recognize it as a distraction from your witty ad-hominems and avoid it like the plague. (Though some might not appreciate learning they’d been tricked into insulting spouses of deployed troops just so you could get your jollies.)

    Think it through a little farther and you might even come to realize that maybe, just maybe, a message was being sent regarding exactly where military people think someone could be doing a better job.

    But since “have them read a few of the hundreds of milblogs that have been written from front-line troops in the war on terror” is one possible answer, you damn sure don’t want that message to get out.

    It would scare you shitless.

  55. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 19, 2007 at 4:16

    Make up your minds do you support the troops or do you follow the mantra that they’re all “baby killers.”

    Asinine.

  56. mikey said,

    September 19, 2007 at 4:32

    Go back and check that. Are you sure there’s no other possible interpretation?

    mikey

  57. Righteous Bubba said,

    September 19, 2007 at 6:00

    This thread is completely nutty. It’s like poking a bee’s nest and getting a swarm of Krishnas instead.

  58. Paddleball » Blog Archive » paddleball said,

    September 20, 2007 at 17:22

    [...] You might wonder whether the President of the United States pays any attention to blogs supporting the war effort. So says N.Z. over at the Victory Caucus , and he’s right! I have often wondered: “Gee, does the president have time in his busy… …more [...]

  59. Progressive Gold » Blog Archive » “You Know How To Whistle, Don’t You?” said,

    September 25, 2007 at 14:12

    [...] dogwhistle’s blowing and the flying monkey minions hear it loud and clear. There’s to be 15 more months of this, supposedly; I dread to think [...]

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