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AllawiMania, Baby!
Above: Zowi-wowi, hey-man-don’t-have-a-cowi
Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki fired back at U.S. critics Sunday as his latest detractor, Iraq’s former interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi, accused him of fomenting sectarian violence.
Al-Maliki leads a government loyal to Iran and Shiite interests, Allawi said, accusing al-Maliki of “supporting militias to take the rule of law in their hands.”
Allawi said Sunday that he would not participate in a sectarian government and will return to Baghdad soon to “reverse the course in Iraq.”
You may remember that during Allawi’s tenure as prime minister, Iraq was still a war-torn hellhole. I don’t know why he thinks he’d have a better shot now, since his party holds a whopping 25 seats in the Iraqi parliament.
Speaking from Amman, Jordan, Allawi told CNN Sunday he will push for a “nonsectarian course” when he goes back to Baghdad next week — and said al-Maliki’s ouster may be part of the solution.
Good lord.
You’re widely seen in Iraq as a Western puppet. Your party performed horribly in the parilamentary elections. Once more, you’ve spent 30-plus years living outside the country that you want to run. What makes you think you have any legitimacy with the typical Iraqi? Like, at all?
phleabo said,
August 27, 2007 at 1:46
Extensive support from the CIA and GOP insiders? Possibly LSD, though unlikely.
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August 27, 2007 at 1:48
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Tobin Maker said,
August 27, 2007 at 1:51
Mr Allawi is the preferred candidate of four out of five serious minds in Washington. That’s good enough for me, and it should be good enough for you.
Unlike the cowardly British, Allawi will never abandon his dreams of a free, democratic, Christian Iraq.
mikey said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:01
Hmm. SIIC and Da’wa are fiercely sectarian. Mehdi army, while strongly nationalist and not cozy with tehran, is shiite. The population is overwhemingly Shi’a. The Shi’a have been the oppressed minority for generations.
Yep, I’m sure they will embrace a CIA puppet to walk away from the best chance they’ve ever had to establish a shiite dominated government and wreak their revenge on the Sunni.
The Shiite point of view? We can win, have peace, stability and power, if we just hang tough, exploiting the American/Iranian rift.
The Sunni point of view? We are not going to survive as a minority unless we hold the levers of power. It’s an all or nothing bet, with nothing, at this point, to lose. And plenty of funding from the Sunni arab states.
The American point of view? We just want a government that will let us write a favorable Status of Forces agreement, along with a great big oil giveaway. We’ll deal with whatever devil we need to, as long as we can keep 50,000 troops and their equipment on the oil fields forever.
The Iranian point of view? We only need a Shi’a majority government to take hold and our sphere of influence is doubled, the arabs are rolled back, and our greatest threat is neutralized. Plus, if the Americans are allowed to stay, we can keep them in the gunsight and Washington’s room to move is grossly restricted.
Meanwhile, Petraeus says the Americans, in order to win, will have to stay for 9 or ten more years. Assuming a Democratic white house in ’09, that’s gonna be very damn interesting to watch…
mikey
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Lame Man said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:05
He’s got crates of “Allawi for Prime Minister” tee shirts left over, and dammit, he is going to get some use out of them.
mikey said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:06
Hey, Pastor Maker, got a couple questions for you.
First, is there a school where you idiots can go to learn how to write in that stilted, ponderous style? Did it ever occur to you that a semester of MarCom 101 would help you figure out how to get your message across in THIS fucking millenium?
Second, Christian Iraq? I was gonna ask you what school you went to, but I’m going to back up and ask if you even WENT to school? What kind of delusional idiot are you? I can’t wait to have a real conversation with you. Oughta be a hoot. But lemme help you out here a l’il bit. Iraq? Pretty much NOT in the Christian column.
Tell y’what. Come back and chat when you’re coherent…
mikey
owlbear1 said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:09
DING! DING! DING!
Now into babelfish, and…
“He is talking to the Iranians. It’s making George look bad. It must be stopped! An added bonus from ousting Maliki in a ‘coup’ will certainly be ramped up tensions with Iran which; of course, will be necessary to use as justification for launching an Attack against Iran. How can George accuse Iran of Meddling with Iraq if Maliki keeps granting them Diplomatic entrance?” (Well, besides me and and a Multi-Million dollar PR campaign by long time GOP shills.)
Isn’t ‘babelfish’ amazing?
zsa said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:11
Who needs legitimacy when you have Dick Cheney? When al-Maliki goes down, does anyone really expect another round of purple fingers and parliamentarian delay? Hell no. It’s strongman time!
Course, it’s not clear that Allawi actually has anyone left in his corner. As puppets go, he’s sooo three years ago.
Right now we’re looking at the ex-Baathist Sunni groups that are currently driving out AQI. The only military success we can point to, and it’s not even our doing. Somewhere in there is a stern disciplinarian who understands that fear can be a powerful motivator, and that brutal suppression of all domestic resistance is the only way to truly be free. That’s our guy.
Hopefully he’ll have a nice mustache.
RandomObserver said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:15
I covered some of this on my blog last night. (If my blogwhoring ever gets old just tell me ha) Allawi wants his old job back so what does he do? He hires lobbyists to influence US policy-making. The fuck?
Meanwhile pundits are talking about other forms of government, how we should “bring down the government”, etc. Hey dumbfucks – in a democracy sometimes your guys lose. This is news to them?
The most amazing thing to me is that these genius experts of ours are constantly surprised when the single most likely scenario happens. Wow, the government ended up Shiite-controlled and is making overtures to Iran – who would have thunk it?
These clowns have never been able to explain how we would end up with a democratically elected government that was pro-US and anti-Iran. I guess the plan is to just keep forcing new elections until our guys win.
RubDMC said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:17
Well, based on the bumper sticker I just saw, they’ve stolen a page from Dick Nixon’s playbook, and look at how well that worked for him:
Ayad Allawi – tanned, rested, and ready!
RandomObserver said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:20
By the way “supporting militias to take the rule of law in their hands” is exactly our strategy so I don’t see what he’s complaining about.
His Grace said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:20
The Iraq war was one of the stupidest ideas of all time. What gets me is that people keep coming up with stupider ideas just to keep the war from ending. I predict that by 2008 if they have
staged a coup to get Allawi inexercised proper diplomatic pressure to have a more capable less sectarian Prime Minister that Kristol and O’Hanlon will be writing op-eds demanding that in order to contain the new Iranian menace, Baathists should be brought in.david said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:24
“I don’t know why he thinks he’d have a better shot now”
Taking down Maliki= 1 F.U. for Bush to “give the new leadership the opportunity for success”. It’s all about buying time.
norbizness said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:26
He’s no Chalabi, I’ll give you that.
Simba B. said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:40
Sir, I knew Ahmed Chalabi, Ahmed Chalabi was a good friend of mine. You are no Ahmed Chalabi.
Tobin Maker said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:42
Mikey,
Like most TRUE Americans, I support our troops and their mission to bring the love of Jesus to the suffering peoples of Iraq.
I feel naught but sorrow for your moral blindness.
In Christ’s Name.
zsa said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:45
Isn’t “Brownback” some sort of homosexual slang term?
Righteous Bubba said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:50
Like most TRUE Americans, I support our troops and their mission to bring the
lovesuffering of Jesus to the suffering peoples of Iraq.Tobin Maker said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:53
Righteous Bubba,
You, sir, are no Southern gentleman.
Go to Hell. I tell you this in all Christian love.
White, God-Fearing, Suburban said,
August 27, 2007 at 2:54
Hey, Zsa,
I hear you, I hear you, about the stern disciplinarian. One problem, though: when my kids need some “behaviorial modification” tthey get a good belt-whacking, and it works, but my kids are suburban pantsies. Here, we are dealing with the equivalent of street gangsta juveniles that have been subjected to brutal violence for many years, have seen their buddies get killed, and have just tasted what it is like to be in charge. I am afraid that the disciplining thing may be tougher than what you may be thinking…
Besides, what kind of discipline exactly do you have in mind? This other disciplinarian, (the one with the mustache) had some nice chemical concoction at his disposal, but I am worried that some immunity may have been developed against those. So if this “pumas and bears” thing doesn’t pan out, should we assume that all that is left is to Nagasaki their brown asses off?
concerned citizen
zsa said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:00
david, excellent point. Bush is running out the clock.here. He’s also angling to make it as difficult as possible for whoever takes his place to actually withdraw our forces. It’s all about control of the oil. Bush wants to make sure we have troops in Iraq for the next 2 decades.
The next president basically gets Iraq as a burning bag of dogshit on his front porch.
RubDMC said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:03
I’m sorry, but Tobin Maker’s gotta be running a parody site, right? Right?
Seriously, his blog is kind of like Jesus’ General meets Psycheout, only with a straighter face.
Tell me it’s all a joke. Please, tell me. Otherwise, I’ll never get to sleep tonight, knowing that there are folks as wacky as this out on the streets, reproducing, and voting, for Pete’s sake.
Tobin Maker said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:11
RubDMC,
Wrong. I do not run the site. Mrs T.D Gaines-Crockett runs the site. I am merely the resident pastor.
you seem to be an atheist, Mr Rub. I will pray for you, but should you not find Jesus, I will gladly watch you burn.
In Christ’s Name.
mikey said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:11
Oh, Maker’s been around for quite a while. He’s a hardcore “Everybody has to live by my rules or be put to death” christianist.
His attention to the detail of the mythology is fascinating, even if the mythology itself is 2nd grade level reading…
mikey
Righteous Bubba said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:17
He’s a hardcore “Everybody has to live by my rules or be put to death” christianist.
You buy him? I assumed he was kidding. Haven’t visited the site though.
Tobin Maker said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:20
Mikey,
If you give me your home address, I will gladly send you one of the spare copies of the Left Behind: Eternal Forces pc game we have lying around here at Republican Faith Ministries.
Due to liberal interference, we were forced to removed it from our faith packages for the troops in Iraq.
In Christ’s Name.
J— said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:25
Wrong. I do not run the site. Mrs T.D Gaines-Crockett runs the site. I am merely the resident pastor.
Ah, yes, Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett. The same Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett who wrote this guest post for Blogs 4 Brownback and this guest post for Jesus’ General.
mikey said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:25
Tell ya what, Pastor.
No.
Save it for the poor old women you rip off every month instead. ‘Cause all that money can’t keep you safe, it can only help you live well.
Every dog has his day….
mikey
Lesley said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:44
Meanwhile, back at the Ranch where the President shoots America in the face:
Aug 23, 2007
The Great Iraq Swindle
pablo said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:49
If we’re lucky Robert Nowak will out him as a CIA operative.
Some Guy said,
August 27, 2007 at 3:56
“Baptists for Brown”? Ohhh please.
Someone do a IP route check, I bet it’s the same as a certain other Brownback parody poster.
MzNicky said,
August 27, 2007 at 4:12
The multitudinous and tiresome “Brownback for Prez” parody blogwhores are your basic AnnieAngel/Shoefloppy act, only not as sharp. Please, people. I thought you S,N guys were much more meta than this.
mikey said,
August 27, 2007 at 4:25
Hokay, now this just sucks. A dude comes up to me and says, “My name’s john and I’m a wingnut”. Here’s a crazy, wacky thing. I’m gonna operate on the assumption that he is what he says he is!
I know, weird, huh? But I ask myself. Self? Why the fuck would someone say they are a wingnut when they are not, actually a wingnut?
I HAVE NO GODDAM IDEA!!
The best they seem to accomplish is to make people disagree with the broad group of people they disagree with and argument and hilarity ensues.
So. Say you’re some complete different thing than you are. Go ahead, tell me you’re X when you’re Y. Good. Done?
What have you accomplished? Pretty sad, eh?
This is just stupid…
mikey
MzNicky said,
August 27, 2007 at 4:32
mikey: It is indeed. That’s why they’re so fucking tiresome. It’s like the supercool high-school bullies with their inside jokes; they’re still bullies nonetheless. And high schooly.
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M. Bouffant said,
August 27, 2007 at 5:35
The one thing you can say for Pastor Maker (not to be confused w/ “Pastor Fuzz”) & Mrs. Groin-Cockette is that their parody site gets a lot more comments posted than Psycheout’s. Assuming they’re not all the same weasel, of course. We got Jesus’ General & Mrs. Betty Bowers & Whitehouse.org, that’s really more than enough.
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DEMIZE! said,
August 27, 2007 at 5:53
Friggen British chip eating surrender monkeys!”Stabbed in the Back”.My head hurts…
stickler said,
August 27, 2007 at 6:17
People, people. Either Mr. Tobin Maker is spoofing, or he’s serious. If spoofing, he’s funny. If serious, well, as a Baptist, he’s headed to hell because Baptists deny infant baptism and encourage all kinds of un-Christian garbage at their services. I mean, they even deny Holy Baptism to infants and children. What kind of Christian does that?
For Pete’s sake, some of them even handle snakes. How’s that going to go over at the Pearly Gates, do you suppose?
Now that I think about it, what with Brownback being Catholic and all, what would Brownback think about it? Hmmm. Perhaps Mr. Tobin Maker could give us his insights into the spiritual guidance offered by the Bishop of Rome, Benedict XVI. That might be entertaining…
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RubDMC said,
August 27, 2007 at 7:02
“…I will pray for you, but should you not find Jesus, I will gladly watch you burn.”
Aha! Now I know you’re a fake, because a real fire ‘n brimstoner would have added, “While the devil laughs and Jesus weeps.”
Busted.
elendil said,
August 27, 2007 at 7:20
At a guess, a coup is being planned, and it will be supported by the Dems and the new President, Hillary Clinton, when they win next year. Oh, and fuck you, “liberal blogosphere”.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
August 27, 2007 at 8:25
stickler, if he’s spoofing he’s not funny. I’m a bit like mikey, and unless the satire is clearly satire, I’m just gonna assume they’re serious. This blurring of the lines is just getting tiresome.
And y’know what? I’m really quite sick of the extended parody wingnut site. It’s been done, and done to death. Jesus General, yeah, that’s worth a giggle now and again, but the rest of them are far too micro-focused and tedious: reading them gazing into their own navels is much less interesting than toe jam. And I mean that in the best possible way.
So, Pastor, whether you’re serious or whether you’re having a jolly schoolboy jape, why don’t you just shut the fuck up, okay? I’m fed up with wingnuts, and I’m fed up with pretendy wingnuts. Why don’t you do something original, for a change?
[Qetesh is a crankypants cat today]
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Incontinentia Buttocks said,
August 27, 2007 at 9:01
At a guess, a coup is being planned, and it will be supported by the Dems and the new President, Hillary Clinton,
Senators Levin, Clinton and Feinstein have all come out in favor of
a coupan Allawi government.How much more evidence do we need that the Iraq War is, and always has been, a bipartisan clusterfuck?
A Democrat will, in all likelihood, become president in January, 2009. But since it won’t be Gravel or Kucinich, there’s no reason whatsoever for Bush to make it difficult for him or her to leave Iraq. All the likely Democratic presidents are fully on board this war. We will be in Iraq for a decade, with the support of both major parties.
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ahem said,
August 27, 2007 at 9:45
Uh, people?
“Pastor Maker.” And yeah, it’s anal-dick-limpy poor.
As for The Allawi Coup, Sponsored By American Politicians In The Name Of Democracy — look, the dirty little secret is that Hillary and other Dem hawks equally think that a nice strongman in Baghdad is the easy way to get out of Iraq with their political asses covered. And that the public will, frankly, take it.
Hillary knows that Bush wants to dump a steaming turd on whoever who takes over in 2009. A strongman in Baghdad is the least worst option for dealing with it.
Let’s deal with things as they horribly are. Bush wants a way to run out the clock. If that leaves the arriving president in the shit, he doesn’t care. If it’s a Democrat, then it fucks that person up. A withdrawal that allows the stab-in-the-back myth to fester is equally bad.
Shit, I bet that Allawi has been training at the School of the Americas, which has been starved of Latin American dictators to prep in recent years.
M. Bouffant said,
August 27, 2007 at 11:01
Must read. Scott Thomas Beauchamp, my pasty, overweight ass.
fred said,
August 27, 2007 at 11:21
The Iraq Poll 2007 (BBC, ABC, others) indicates that the Sunni/Shia divide may not be as important to Iraqis as we’ve been led to believe. For about 94% of them it’s as important as the Protestant/Catholic divide is in America: they’ve lived at least a generation under a secular constitution. But Allawi, tool of both the CIA and MI6, is remembered as a terrorist responsible for blowing up a schoolbus full of children after he was kicked out of the Baath party for corruption.
But if the Dems (Levin, Clinton. Feinstein, e.g.) already want him, he’s a shoo-in. It’s amazing what you can buy for a mere $300,000.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 27, 2007 at 11:31
What M.Bouffant said. Read it.
Emperor U.S.A. (the naked truth) said,
August 27, 2007 at 14:24
What makes you think you have any legitimacy with the typical Iraqi? Like, at all?
What makes you think he cares?
Larry said,
August 27, 2007 at 15:13
The Bush administration is just sick to death of all the baseless jibber-jabbering about a “civil war” in Iraq, so decided to just insert one into the narrative. Or is that too “reality-based” for them?
Bistroist said,
August 27, 2007 at 15:26
Hey, Abu G is taking his kid and going home to spend time with Andy Card’s balls.
MzNicky said,
August 27, 2007 at 15:33
Bistroist beat me to it.
Hey, Abu G! Buh-bye.
ligedog said,
August 27, 2007 at 16:01
C’mon is it just me or does Allawi look just like Tony Soprano?
thelogos said,
August 27, 2007 at 16:22
I think I’ve found Gary Ruppert:
http://www.nbc4.com/news/13979041/detail.html?dl=mainclick
Scroll down to the last line.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
August 27, 2007 at 16:36
One of the most blatantly dishonest political hacks ever to occupy the position of U.S. Attorney General, Alberto Gonzales, has now resigned.
What Glenn said.
bjacques said,
August 27, 2007 at 17:21
A coup will just replace a government that has no power outside the Green Zone with another with another that has no power outside the Green Zone.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 27, 2007 at 17:43
Democracy is a wonderful thing, popping up here, vanishing there like some magical little fairy that grants no wishes.
billy pilgrim said,
August 27, 2007 at 22:29
I wish it would pop up here in the US again.
I remember it well.
Rufus said,
August 27, 2007 at 23:50
You know, with Gonzalez gone, and Maliki soon to be looking for a new job, a terribly wonderful plan has occurred to me…
Is there any rule that says the Attorney General of the United States can not be a former Prime Minister of Iraq? that is, is there any rule that even Bush wouldn’t be able to ignore?