Aug
24

It’s like a screwball comedy with lots of dead people




Posted at 0:13 by Brad

Greg D:

It’s grossly negligent (at best) that American kids are dying for strategic incoherence on such an epic scale. If I were a diplomat at the State Department, I’d probably resign in protest rather than continue to serve an Administration bleeding American lives so irresponsibly. Arming Sunni militias (sorry, Concerned Citizens Programmes) rather than the National Army, as nascent and pitable as this last is, will almost certainly lead to more intensified Sunni–Shi’a fighting. Meantime, these bolstered Sunni forces (some of them simply ex-Baathists we supposedly went in to topple) will eventually be fighting for primacy against the very Government we’ve been trying to prop up in Baghdad. I find this mind-boggling in its short-sightedness and lack of overarching strategic direction (unless we’ve truly become Machiavellian, and are plotting to return the Sunnis to power to contain Iran!)

Your guess is as good as mine.

Next week, I expect to read that we’ve started releasing packs of hungry bears and pumas loose in Baghdad to ensure that neither the Sadrists nor the ex-Baathists get too much of an upper hand.

65 Comments »

  1. D. Sidhe said,

    August 24, 2007 at 0:14

    Wait, I thought we were Sadrists. Or was that Sadists?

    I’ll shut up now.

  2. ploeg said,

    August 24, 2007 at 0:23

    This is what inevitably happens when you don’t particularly care who you whack, just so long as you whack them hard and whack them now.

    And actually, the bear and puma idea doesn’t seem too far fetched nowadays.

    http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/07/30/news/badger.php

  3. tata said,

    August 24, 2007 at 0:23

    Which one is Ben Stiller?

  4. Dr.BDH said,

    August 24, 2007 at 0:28

    Killer rabbits, that’s what’s next.

  5. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 24, 2007 at 0:41

    Every ten seconds or so, the United States needs to pick up some small crappy little Muslim and throw him against the wall, just to show the world we need lunch money.

  6. t4toby said,

    August 24, 2007 at 0:48

    Can I has Sharks wif Lazur Beams?!1!?!1!

  7. sophie brown said,

    August 24, 2007 at 0:57

    As you said: “Bloob-blubba-bloob-blubba-bloob-blubba.”

  8. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:00

    I think we’re Sadly, No!sians, D. Sidhe.

    P.S. Joe Lieberman: still a dirtbag.

  9. mikey said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:03

    OP PLAN PAPA BRAVO

    CLASSIFICATION Secret/NoForn

    DISTRIBUTION POTUS/JCOS/CENTCOM

    G2 along with Civil Affairs and SOCOM have provided a proposal for an additional security operation in Baghdad. The operational concept is to utilize autonomous operational assets that can operate nocturnally in all terrain, including a specialization in MOUT. These assets would be self contained, and entirely expendable. They would not require operational support.

    Assets would operate independently in Baghdad AO, primarily spreading fear and intimidation among insurgency and AQI. Assets would be capable of both offensive and defensive operations, and would operate under enhanced rules of engagement. Assets would be expected to inflict casualties, but they would serve primarily a PsyWar function.

    Recommendation: Initial deployment in an arc from East Baghdad (Sadr City) up to Dora:

    Six (6) Ursus americanus, American Black Bear. Adults, 2 Male, 4 Female.

    Eight (8) Puma concolor, Cougar. Adults, 4 Male, 4 Female

    Recommendation: American foot patrols, particularly at night, be curtailed in these AOs

    ACTION RESPOND W/COMMENTS

  10. Poopy McPants said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:05

    anyone getting that ‘i don’t know why i swallowed that fly’ feeling?

  11. Gary Ruppert said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:05

    You on the Left just want America to be defeated in the struggle. And this is why:

    They get to be nobles of a dark age, rather than mere citizens of an enlightened one. When everyone has equal opportunity, the only way to make oneself seem greater than one’s talents will allow is to strike out at one’s brethren, destroying their lives and society. Better to be king of a ruin, than just another ordinary person in the world’s greatest civilization.

  12. ¡El Gato Negro! said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:07

    Selling weapons to all sides ees just a more immediate way of letting the invisible hand of the market work eets gentle magic.
    (unless we’ve truly become Machiavellian, and are plotting to return the Sunnis to power to contain Iran!)

    ¿Meowtf?

    ¿No offense to Sr. Djerejian, but how ees thees “Machiavellian”, and not just “desperately clutching at the hope that things can be un-fucked-up”?

    Also, he should read Juan Cole’s post from earlier today.

    so.

  13. a different brad said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:26

    No Gary, we’re not glad to be right. The point is not “we win”, the point is “let’s try to be less self destructive and stupid.” I don’t care about being right, ultimately, I care about people not dying and trying not to fuck the planet up too massively.

    Anyone remember the exchange in the flick Broadcast News?
    Guy who I forget to Holly Hunter: It must be great to be always right.
    Holly Hunter: No, it’s horrible.
    (rather obviously paraphrased)

  14. mikey said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:32

    You on the Left just want America to be defeated in the struggle.

    The struggle? Seriously, Gary, Teh STRUGGLE??

    Since when have you wingunts adopted Lenin’s phraseology? Are you committed to the struggle, young man? ‘Cause I typically find you just a tad bourgeois to be involved in the struggle.

    And by the way? Even most of YOU nuts have dropped the “the left WANTS to lose the fight against islamowhatsis, put burkas on our women and live under Shari’a law” talking point in that it inherently makes no sense.

    We’re the godless, gay lovin, abortion havin hippies remember? You’re the theocratic authoritarian. If anybody want’s to live like that, it’d be you, not us. Get it?

    mikey

  15. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:36

    anyone getting that ‘i don’t know why i swallowed that fly’ feeling?

    I was going to try working up some lyrics on that basis but Bob Allen made swallowing funnier than that.

  16. Galactic Dustbin said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:44

    That is an excellent idea! Use American’s two major threats; Islamofacists and bears to cancel eaach other out!

  17. Galactic Dustbin said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:46

    Hi Fake Gary. I miss Real Gary, he was like Atkinson Lite.

  18. Kathleen said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:55

    It’s like a screwball comedy with lots of dead people

    Preston Sturges meets Sam Peckinpah!!

  19. g said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:03

    that’s so fake Gary.

  20. zsa said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:19

    Has anyone else noticed that there hasn’t been a real Gary post since Warner Todd Huston shaved his … uhhh … that thing that was on his face?

  21. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:22

    Warner Todd Huston shaved?
    I thought he had simply swallowed his mouthful of badger.

  22. Anne Althaus™³²®© said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:23

    I, Anne Althaus, deplore the namestealing that goes on on this blog, which I, Anne Althaus, will not deign to name. Also, Steve Simels, who is a fake, needs to stop stalking me. Anne Althaus, that is.

  23. Smotes Durston said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:32

    Okay, ya got me. But it was my first fake Gary.

    However, it was copy-n-pasted from a response I got from a wingnut.

    (Are fake Garys [Garies?] supposed to own up?)

  24. LA Confidential Pantload said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:36

    Mikey, I don’t think Gary was channeling Lenin. “Kampf” is probably closer to what he meant by “struggle.”

  25. vetiver said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:37

    Mikey, that was superbly redonkulous. Let’s run it up the flagpole and piss inside the tent.

    Just curious: has there ever been an actual (as opposed to theoretical) OP PLAN PAPA ZULU?

    If I were a diplomat at the State Department, I’d probably resign in protest rather than continue to serve an Administration bleeding American lives so irresponsibly.

    There have been a fair number of insiders (both civilian and military) who’ve resigned or lost their jobs because they seriously object to what’s going on. What about everyone else? Are they all 28%ers? If not, how do they rationalize their involvement?

  26. Gary Ruppert said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:47

    The fact is that fake Garys are the cross-dressers of the internet.

  27. A Confederacy of Yankees said,

    August 24, 2007 at 2:53


    It’s grossly negligent (at best) that American kids are dying for strategic incoherence on such an epic scale.

    I’m personally offended when someone calls our troops “kids.” It’s an intellectually dishonest attempt to infantilize our fighting forces–not one of whom uses square-backed Glock cartridges, might I add–and paint a biased Leftard picture that they are all babykillers.

    BEAUCHAMP! BEAUCHAMP! BEAUCHAMP!

  28. mikey said,

    August 24, 2007 at 3:22

    Just curious: has there ever been an actual (as opposed to theoretical) OP PLAN PAPA ZULU?

    Actually, it would have been more realistic to call it Operation Voracious Omnivore. But I liked the circular link back to Pumas and Bears, oh my…

    mikey

  29. Anne Laurie said,

    August 24, 2007 at 3:24

    Don’t be ridiculous. Look at the Michael Vicks fooferaw… your average tee-vee-watching American would never expose bears and cougars to the dangers of life in Iraq!

    American soldiers, on the other hand — well, they volunteered, din’t they? And besides, the NWF won’t give you an adorable soldier plushie with your modest donation.

  30. Sophist, FCD said,

    August 24, 2007 at 3:24

    Just curious: has there ever been an actual (as opposed to theoretical) OP PLAN PAPA ZULU?

    Yes, but it failed. They couldn’t keep the squid from dying in the desert.

  31. Lemmy Caution said,

    August 24, 2007 at 3:25

    Kathleen said,

    August 24, 2007 at 1:55

    It’s like a screwball comedy with lots of dead people

    Preston Sturges meets Sam Peckinpah!!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w95fwiM4mog

  32. The Dark Avenger said,

    August 24, 2007 at 3:40

    There’s always the first remake of The Maltese Falcon:

    Satan Met a Lady

    Surprise! Satan Met a Lady is an easy breezy detective dramedy VERY LOOSELY based on the Dashiell Hammett Book, The Maltese Falcon.

  33. stickler said,

    August 24, 2007 at 3:52

    Vetiver asks a very good question:

    Just curious: has there ever been an actual (as opposed to theoretical) OP PLAN PAPA ZULU?

    That particular plan? No. Or at least, not that we know of, yet. But our magnificent War Department did, once, seriously contemplate the use of incendiary bats over Tokyo.

    Did it work? Sadly, no. But the best part, so to speak, is found in the last sentence of that 1982 Time article: “One of the bats turned out to be a mole: it took refuge under the car of the general supervising the tests and set it aflame.” Ah, the sublime genius of Mother Nature. Mess with her at your peril!

  34. Fake Gary said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:03

    Did it work? Sadly, no. But the best part, so to speak, is found in the last sentence of that 1982 Time article: “One of the bats turned out to be a mole: it took refuge under the car of the general supervising the tests and set it aflame.” Ah, the sublime genius of Mother Nature. Mess with her at your peril!

    The fact is, this comment proves all you liberals hate our country and its troops, for which we stand.

  35. agum said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:09

    packs of hungry bears and pumas loose in Baghdad

    That might be effective, but for real force projection we need to implement the Basra plan.

    Yes, I’m talking about Killer Badgers.

  36. blowback said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:10

    ¡El Gato Negro! – but how ees thees “Machiavellian”

    Neo-cons can’t do “Machiavellian”, they talk too much, think the US is all powerful and they try to be moral while being totally hypocritical. Personally I blame it on the MACH-IV test, neo-cons go and do the test and behave like total arseholes when answering, score 100 and believe they have mastered Machiavellianism.

  37. objectively pro- said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:10

    Ursus americanus, American Black Bear.

    But this is the US military, the deadliest fightin’ force in all of history, why aren’t we sending our grizzlies?

    Training mishaps? Logistics issues? The hell you say.

    Damn, just another gold-plated boondoggle.

    Oh well, I guess you go to war with the quadrupeds you have, not the quadrupeds you might want or wish to have.

  38. Gary Ruppert said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:25

    “One of the bats turned out to be a mole: it took refuge under the car of the general supervising the tests and set it aflame.”

    The fact is this sounds so much like like an urban legend that by pointing you to an actual reference I will prove that I’m not me: http://www.snopes.com/critters/cruelty/dynamite.asp

  39. Gary Ruppert said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:40

    The fact is, Liberals want us to fail. They practicly orgasme thinking that troops and patriots will die, well doing no dyeing themselves.

  40. Gary Ruppert said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:46

    The fact is, the last dozen or two Gary Rupperts are fakes, proving that the leftists want to surrender in the war against terrorism.

  41. Gary Althouse said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:48

    The fact is I voted for Feingold so liberals can’t call me on my idiotic shit.

  42. g said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:52

    Are there any Sadly Nosians in NYC, specifically, the West Village?

    And if so, do you know a good dentist?

    There’s a reason I ask.

  43. Dan Someone said,

    August 24, 2007 at 4:59

    Sophist, you think you’re so smart, with your “squid” reference in the Papa Zulu thing… but I’m onto you. And now I’m afraid I’m going to have to sue you. It’s not personal, it’s for the balloon animals.

  44. g said,

    August 24, 2007 at 5:08

    Dan, will you be using a New York Law Firm?

  45. Gary Ruppert said,

    August 24, 2007 at 5:17

    The fact is, g, although I know looger live in the libtard state of New York City,

    Drs. Robert N. Deutch & Gerald Rosen, “Robert Deutch & Gerald Rosen, DDS”, 59 East 54th, Room 21, New York, NY, 10022

    It’s midtown, but Dr. Deutch I can recommend.

  46. sanitas said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:02

    Has anyone else noticed that there hasn’t been a real Gary post since Warner Todd Huston shaved his … uhhh … that thing that was on his face?

    Wingnut Face Mullet?

  47. M. Bouffant said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:12

    g: Just as here in the Southland, I try only to visit Beverly Hills (or at the least Cedars-Sinai Medical Office Towers) medical professionals, I would advise going as far up town as possible, preferably on the Upper East Side, (though not past the Eighties). I s’pect Fake Gary’s recommendation is probably good. If it really is a fake Gary. Real Gary, if he ever existed, would send you to the dentist who gave him a lobotomy while filling a cavity.
    On the basis not just of that famed liberal elitism, but you gotta figure their degrees are from someplace decent, & they’re on their toes ’cause their clientele can & will sue their asses off if anything goes wrong.

  48. M. Bouffant said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:15

    And hope all goes well. From incontinent dog to dental trouble on vacation. Damn!! Things will be better, I’m sure.

  49. g said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:27

    Dare I use Gary Ruppert’s dentist?

    M Bouffant, my child has an interesting genetic dental condition, so we have a Beverly Hills dentist – one who uses the word “cosmetic” in front of the word “dentist.” It is a sure sign of a good dentist, here.

    The alternatue “sure thing” in dentistry is someone whose office is located in Westwood. You can’t shake a stick in Westwood without hitting some medical professional with a UCLA degree.

    I always say, it’s nice that we live in the cosmetic dentistry capital of the Entire World.

    But – tomorrow we travel to NYC. Tonight, my traveling companion bit down on a piece of beef jerky and broke a tooth. I have 2 percosets leftover from my embarassing surgery last spring. We’re bringing those along.

    At least the dog’s teeth are fine.

  50. g said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:28

    MBouffant – where in our wonderful Southland are you located? We are in Topanga Canyon.

  51. Lawnguylander said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:28

    The fact is, Christian Szell, DDS has been fixing my teeth and greatly influencing my political opinions for years.

  52. Lawnguylander said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:30

    The fact is, Gary Ruppert just stole my name.

  53. g said,

    August 24, 2007 at 6:31

    Lawnguylander, my experience with dentists is like John McCain’s experience with …..er….whatever. I’ve spent a lot of time in the chair. Ain’t nothing can scare me anymore.

    But my traveling companion has better teeth, and is, therefore, less combat hardened. A wuss, in fact.

  54. DEMIZE! said,

    August 24, 2007 at 7:48

    New York University Dental Center across from Bellevue Hosp.They’e students but it’s cheap and good care.

  55. Some Guy said,

    August 24, 2007 at 8:35

    “Next week, I expect to read that we’ve started releasing packs of hungry bears and pumas loose in Baghdad to ensure that neither the Sadrists nor the ex-Baathists get too much of an upper hand.”

    We could arm the Sunni’s with bananas, and the Shiites, with 16 tonne weights.

    The Kurds get the tigers.

  56. Herr Doktor Bimlerp said,

    August 24, 2007 at 11:34

    So the Acme Corporation is a branch of Halliburton?
    Who would have guessed?

  57. Larry said,

    August 24, 2007 at 14:54

    “You on the Left just want America to be defeated in the struggle. And this is why:”

    A predictably stupid rightwing excuse for an argument. Were this hooter of a conspiracy theory right, why would the left (or should I say, the non-radical-right) have protested the war and condemned it so fiercely before it started?

    I guess when you’re wrong, and it’s obvious to anyone with a pulse, there’s always ginning up an argument that the people who were against your stupid action made it fail by being against it. The cartoonist “Tom Tomorrow” satirizes this beautifully in his comic, “This Modern World.”

  58. Larry said,

    August 24, 2007 at 15:07

    I can’t agree with the person quoted that it’s better to arm the Iraqi “army” than the Sunni militias. Arming either one is a terrible idea.

    In fighting an insurgency, it can indeed be a valid strategy to use local militias to help you fight the insurgency, but only if their interests are aligned with the central government you are attempting to establish as valid. Needless to say, the Sunni militias are not aligned with the Shiite-dominated central government in Baghdad.

    Equally bad is the idea of arming the Iraqi “army,” which is infiltrated by insurgents and is actively supporting the insurgency with the very weapons we are arming them with.

    There are no choices but bad ones in Iraq. Americans often have a hard time wrapping their brains around the concept that some action they take could well lead to such a dead end, but of course they can. We have horribly screwed up the Middle East in one of the great blunders of all time. So the right-wing, with its power fantasies, has made the world a much more dangerous place for our children to inherit. The march of folly rolled on ….

  59. Pere Ubu said,

    August 24, 2007 at 15:33

    Yes, but it failed. They couldn’t keep the squid from dying in the desert.

    That’s just ’cause they haven’t been using the right KIND of squid.

  60. over_educated said,

    August 24, 2007 at 15:52

    I think it is obvious what this situation requires:

    Cyborg Polar Bears riding dinosaurs shooting laser beams.

    Confederate Yankee already has a video up describing how it will be done, with several star wars Ton-Ton action figures in a sandbox and some old cobra commander models representing the insurgents.

    Good times.

  61. Sadly, No! » More Lunacy said,

    August 24, 2007 at 16:06

    [...] to help me with my emotional disorders, and she criticizes our script. « It’s like a screwball comedy with lots of dead people [...]

  62. Duros62 said,

    August 24, 2007 at 23:09

    Ursus americanus, American Black Bear.
    But this is the US military, the deadliest fightin’ force in all of history, why aren’t we sending our grizzlies?

    True to form, using the wrong tool for the job.

  63. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    August 25, 2007 at 3:48

    If noone else can be bothered to joke about going to war with the bears you have, not the bears you want, then I’ll do it.

  64. Mo's Bike Shop said,

    August 25, 2007 at 6:56

    This is why our forefathers guaranteed our right to keep and arm bears.

  65. Flu-Bird said,

    February 26, 2009 at 19:07

    Liberals have the rediculous idea that is guns are banned everyone would live together peacfuly proving how utterly stupid and idiotic they are

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