Aug
17

Fixing The Internet




Posted at 19:52 by Gavin M.

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I realized that I need a scorecard to keep track of all the fallen journalists, journalistic mistakes and major and minor screw-ups in the media. I couldn’t find one already made, although Wikipedia came close, so I started my own.

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160 Comments »

  1. Galactic Dustbin said,

    August 17, 2007 at 19:55

    Fixing the Internets again I see.

  2. Yankee Fan said,

    August 17, 2007 at 19:55

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I scrolled down all the way!

  3. cleek said,

    August 17, 2007 at 19:56

    10!

    don’t forget Michael dead-mullah Ledeen

  4. Galactic Dustbin said,

    August 17, 2007 at 19:56

    dammit didnt ever read the title of the piece- OK I’m a moron- too may LOLcons.

  5. t4toby said,

    August 17, 2007 at 19:56

    OH NO YOU DIDN’T!!11!1

    I will never be able to unsee that, You Bastard!

    Never!

    NEVERRRRRRRR1111!!!1!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. AkaDad said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:01

    Sticking your junk in a car exhaust is a great way to toughen it up. I’ve heard the ladies like that…

  7. mikey said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:03

    Hey, where’d you get the picture of Gary Ruppert?

    mikey

  8. bogdan said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:04

    LOL!!one eleven!

  9. thelogos said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:04

    ooops…now you my mah supa-secret ID

  10. Duros62 said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:08

    Is that the picture the paramedics took when they stopped laughing?

    He seemed to forget:
    Colin Powell
    Donald Rumsfeld
    Condoleeza Rice
    Richard Cheney
    et al.

  11. thedarkbackward said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:09

    Ahhhh….

    The old “BEVERLEY HILLS COP banana in the tailpipe” gag.

  12. Kman said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:15

    Didn’t Marie Jon have a plagerism problem, too?

  13. Ripley said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:17

    Firefox has a liberal bias! Liberal bias !!!!!!!

  14. Yankee Fan said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:21

    The Politico in general.

  15. BigHank53 said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:23

    Assholes. If the IT department checks the server logs….

  16. Gavin M. said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:27

    Assholes. If the IT department checks the server logs….

    They’ll think you were cruising for tailpipe porn?

  17. nolo said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:42

    I don’t even wanna know where or how you found that picture.

  18. Dhalgren said,

    August 17, 2007 at 20:44

    Ahem, Michael Medved.

    And that image is forever imprinted in my mind. Good lord. But this shows how Sadly No can do gags better than any wingnut blog.

    Sadly No is called a humor blog. Hell no. It is pretty effing deep.

    And the Red Sox are surging. Surging, baby.

  19. willyjsimmons said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:02

    LMBAO!

    I was like, totally not expecting the pic at the end…

    I never!

    WOW! I thought I had really seen it all. (and I mean seriously LOL)

  20. gordonsowner said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:03

    hey, doodz! totally not worksafe! disclaimer would help!

    on the lighter side…

    im in ur base ttly scrapin ur talpipe pr0n!

  21. Xel said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:06

    Mark Steyn, spreading the “muslims knew!” meme about IX XI? Okay, that is not fabrication… Let me think.

    I’ll get back, I hope.

  22. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:13

    The wonder of biodiversity is that any niche can be filled.

    And hey Full-Screen Gavin: your pics invade the margin for those of us that like our browsers set at normal Hustler-page-sized ratios.

  23. Gavin M. said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:18

    nd hey Full-Screen Gavin: your pics invade the margin for those of us that like our browsers set at normal Hustler-page-sized ratios.

    I was just horrified, yesterday, at how some of the Photoshops look on LCD screens as opposed to CRT (the blacks are different and unacceptable, etc). And now 600px is too wide for…?

    Seriously, I’m upset about this. How too-big is it?

  24. mikey said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:20

    It’s only a problem for images. Firefox can re-wrap text, but your screen shots and the like are always a problem with this stylesheet…

    mikey

  25. Gavin M. said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:22

    But 600px is pretty conservative. What happens? Do they overlap the frame?

  26. mikey said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:25

    Check your email. Just sent you a screenshot…

    mikey

  27. JK47 said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:28

    That is one of the funniest, most devastating “Fixing The Internets” ever. You rule, Gavin.

  28. Gavin M. said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:29

    Holy carp.

    The images ought to be about 600px wide. At my resolution, that leaves big white margins on each side.

    What screen resolution are you running?

  29. zsa said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:30

    The “American Thinker” title is a bit of unintended irony, I see.

    Those with better photoshop skillz than myself might consider the possibility of putting a toilet under the seated Uncle Sam in place of the tree stump.

    Cause it, like, totally looks like he’s pooping.

  30. t4toby said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:31

    How do you send these guys anything? I can’t figure out how to attach anything to the contact sheet.

    I am kinda slow.

  31. Marco said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:31

    Jeffy Pop Gannon?

  32. mikey said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:32

    I run most everything (including this one) at 1024.

    My vista machine runs at 1152. Pretty much the same deal with images and your current css….

    mikey

  33. Gavin M. said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:35

    I’m at 1280×1024.

    Is it a browser issue? I run the latest Firefox on the basic page style setting, no special tweaks.

  34. Dennis Savage said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:45

    The last photo is the best “Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan” reference ever!

  35. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:48

    No, it’s your full-screeniness. My browser occupies a portion of the screen (about 8 1/2×11-ish in ratio). Hit Restore Down in the top right, adjust to magaziney size and you’ll see what I see.

  36. DAS said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:53

    Re: Biden

    Didn’t Michael Moore and a few others discover that, in breaking the Biden plagiarism story, MoDo also plagiarized?

  37. JK47 said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:53

    Some things just make me automatically laugh, no matter what the context. Jeff Gannon would be one of those things.

  38. willyjsimmons said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:53

    I’m @ 1024×780 and it’s overrunning the margins in Firefox for me too.

    It’s the stylesheet.

    Where to fix it (and how), I have no clue. Chalk it up to being a ‘feature’. LOL.

    You could however install the lightbox plugin and use it for your larger images.

    Then viewers get a pop-up of the full image in all it’s glory.

  39. Duros62 said,

    August 17, 2007 at 21:59

    1280×1024

    Looks fine.

  40. Gavin M. said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:01

    No, it’s your full-screeniness. My browser occupies a portion of the screen (about 8 1/2×11-ish in ratio). Hit Restore Down in the top right, adjust to magaziney size and you’ll see what I see.

    But that’s… But it…

    See, it’s always going to render pictures at absolute size, not proportional. And the problem in sizing pix is that I have to assume full screen. Or maybe full screen minus a v/h margin (for Macs). Otherwise there’s an upper limit of about 400px width.

    I don’t know if it’s possible to design for Hustler-mag proportions and full-screen settings at the same time. [??]

  41. Steve said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:05

    I never knew before this week that Joe Biden’s plagiarism scandal was seriously exaggerated. I always thought it was for real.

  42. Lesly said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:05

    Why are you picking on this poor blogger? Clearly he meant the liberal end of the last shtick. =(

  43. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:07

    I don’t know if it’s possible to design for Hustler-mag proportions and full-screen settings at the same time. [??]

    I’m not saying you have to or anything. Mac or PC I dunno anyone who wants to read sentences all the way across their screen though, except mom. And you I guess. Want to meet my mom?

  44. Greg said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:11

    Gee, what a surprise… they don’t have comments. I was going to add “the memo from a Mel Martinez staffer is fake”–and then turned out to be completely true scandal (that was Powerline, wasn’t it), and the threats on a NYTimes freelancer photographer’s life and kids scandal.

    Curious site, though. Looks to be NR-lite, or something.

  45. g said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:12

    Cause it, like, totally looks like he’s pooping.

    So much so that I already “saw” it that way and after reading zsa’s comment, had to go back and look at it to realize he wasn’t.

  46. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:16

    So much so that I already “saw” it that way and after reading zsa’s comment, had to go back and look at it to realize he wasn’t.

    That paid off, huh?

  47. g said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:16

    Didn’t Ronald Reagan do this [radio, not TV] when he was a sports announcer?

  48. g said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:20

    Whoa, what happened to my quote? I meant the faking a baseball game is what Ronald Reagan did when he was a radio announcer.

  49. zsa said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:21

    Ronald Reagan pooped on a tree stump?

    Can’t say I’m surprised, but still …

  50. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:22

    Ronald Reagan pooped on a tree stump?

    …while trying to make a log cabin.

  51. Fast Eddie said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:27

    http://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2007/08/were_all_allahs_children.html

    Do you suppose any of these nitwits (including the esteemed Cardinal) know how one translates “al-Lah” from Arabic to English?

  52. t4toby said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:35

    I know! I know! Islamofacist!!!

    I win!

    And, seriously, Gavin- How can I send you attachments? (4th request)

    Or am I simply too dumb to be trusted with that knowledge (distinct possibility)

  53. zsa said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:37

    The Chevy-Tahoe-tailpipe-fuckers at American Drinker are apparently also somewhat skeptical of the climatological and scientific consensus on global warming.

    I’m rather afraid to look further, but I’m pretty sure I know what their take is on evolution. It didn’t happen to them.

  54. Clem said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:38

    The stump IS the poo.

  55. t4toby said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:39

    That’s not a Chevy, that’s a Land Rover.

  56. mikey said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:52

    See, firefox SHOULD just recognize that the image is wider than the browser window, lay in horizontal scroll bars and place the side content beyond the image, forcing the user to scroll, certainly but not overlaying the side content on the feature content.

    But your stylesheet is laying the side content within the browser window, so as far as firefox is concerned a horizontal scroll bar is not required. Unfortunately, I suck at css, but that’s the basic deal…

    mikey

  57. Gavin M. said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:52

    And, seriously, Gavin- How can I send you attachments? (4th request)

    Oh sorry, you can send email to gavin@sadlyno.com.

  58. Jim/The Velvet Blog said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:56

    So, what is the real story on Biden? Can someone point me toward the real story?

  59. Jim/The Velvet Blog said,

    August 17, 2007 at 22:57

    I really need to preview before posting.

  60. Left_Wing_Fox said,

    August 17, 2007 at 23:13

    If you don’t stop with the autoerotics, we’ll go blind.

    P.S. You forgot Michelle Malkin ( http://dneiwert.blogspot.com/2005/11/unhinged-unhonest.html )

  61. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 17, 2007 at 23:17

    firefox SHOULD just recognize

    It’s in IE as well though, so I don’t think the problem is in browsers not being accomodating, it’s somehow in the (talking out of my ass follows)

    For what Gavin is putting together minimum page width should be set by the server somehow. TPM, for instance, has a minimum width, so there’s probably some code that can be stolen there.

  62. Steve said,

    August 17, 2007 at 23:19

    So, what is the real story on Biden?

    Apparently he had said the same stuff in other speeches where he appropriately gave credit, but failed to do so on one occasion, where he was captured on video. Shrug.

    The more standard defense, offered by Glenn Reynolds (of all people), among others, is that politicians have borrowed catchy rhetoric from one another since time immemorial. As examples, he cites Kennedy’s inaugural (which ripped off Lincoln’s inaugural), as well as Churchill’s “we shall fight on the beaches” speech, which was inspired by Georges Clemenceau.

    What really sank Biden was that people turned up other plagiarism episodes in his past, making it part of a pattern. Otherwise, it really would have been small potatoes in the greater scheme of things. Even Ben Domenech was more flagrant.

  63. Robert Green said,

    August 18, 2007 at 1:34

    firefox SHOULD just recognize

    word.

  64. MrWonderful said,

    August 18, 2007 at 1:53

    This wordless inclusion of the Firefox search field coming up empty–in DAMNING, DAMNING RED–is frickin’ brilliant, Mr. Gavin M. If that really is your name.

  65. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 18, 2007 at 1:53

    You could add Jeff Gerth, breathlessly relaying every rumor, smear, and piece of oppostion research he got from the Richard Mellon-Scaife’s Arkansas project (not to mention Judge Starr’s inquisition chamber and leak factory) in the pages of the allegedly liberal NYT.

  66. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:06

    g: “Dutch” Reagan’s “re-enactments” of ball games was standard practice during the ’30s, before the advent of microwave transmission, when all networks were landlines. It’s possible whatever podunk station he worked at couldn’t afford to be hooked up to a network, also that there weren’t even any networked games, just the broadcast over the local stations where the teams were. Not that the old bastard didn’t tell his share of lies over the years.
    And Mr. Tailpipe is very much British. (I’ve seen the shot b/4, too.) The pasty white skin (not even a farmer tan) the lingerie, etc. Of course the automobile fetishism is awfully American.
    SERIOUS QUESTION: Anybody else had trouble logging on, loading the site, etc., today? Seems alright now, but earlier it was taking an eternity, & I was often getting a message from WordPiss advising the database server couldn’t be reached. DoS? (Althouse fans?) Or just TurdPiss? This is vital to what’s left of my mental health, as the cable is out, & if it’s not system wide (can’t call & ask ’cause I’m not a “paying” customer) I am screwed, after two years or whatever they’ve found me out/cut me off! And if I’m left w/o distractions, alone w/ my thoughts, well…

  67. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:13

    Anybody else had trouble logging on, loading the site, etc., today?

    Atrios link I’d assume. And now everyone’s finished wasting work-time.

  68. Jillian said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:13

    Totally unrelated (mostly because i’m too goshdarn tired to say anything even vaguely coherent – going straight to bed after this), but Max Roach passed on yesterday. Just want to make sure we all pay our respects.

    Oh, and if you’re having trouble reaching the site, that’s just some Atrios linky-love coming this way. Heaven help y’all if the guys start up another Youtube war.

  69. AkaDad said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:13

    Here’s one. O’Hanlon and Pollack are liberal “war critics” who claim The Surge™ is working.

  70. Pinko Punko said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:16

    Such an awesome post, but aren’t the comments a little nerdburger? Where is the love??

    The internets have been finally fixed people!!!!!! Let manna rain from heaven!

  71. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:19

    Jeebus, who has the time to read all that that idiotic crap @ Atrios? I like it here where there are only a select few smartasses.Let alone FDL w/ all the “Good Morning, all,” & “Bye-bye, have to go walk Rover now” mess.
    Liberals, indeed. Snicker.

  72. blowback said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:26

    I don’t believe it, a frigging Brit with his frigging dick in a tailpipe of a clapped out Range Rover Rustbucket. Doesn’t the man know that these PC days you should look at the mantlepiece while poking the fire. He could at least have done it with one of these.

    “He has had sex with more than 30 different models in 20 years — plus two motorboats and a pal’s JETSKI”.

  73. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:27

    And Max Roach? Damn!! Pharoah Sanders just blew through town, but the pic in the Fishwrapper showed him as being all white haired & bearded & so on. He’s almost the only guy left from those fine days of the “Free Jazs.” And Ornette, who is 77, & according to Wikipedia, collapsed @ Bonaroo in June due to heat stroke. Not a good sign.

  74. Pinko Punko said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:32

    Also, their masthead looks like it needs fixing, say maybe George Washington is sitting on a tree stump thinking, versus say, Dick Cheney in the same position voiding his bowels while holding an absorbent copy of the Constitution? CAN IT BE DONE??????

  75. g said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:35

    I’m having dogshit rain from heaven today.

    The geriatric malamute locked himself in the office, unbeknownst to us, and couldn’t get out to do what he does now every two hours or so. And because his digestion isn’t what it used to be, the results of this was nothing less than 40-50 blobs of shit all over the entire room – like cookie dough blobs onto a cookie sheet, actually. I’ll never make molasses spice drop cookies again, come to think of it.

    I spent the day with powerful cleanser and a carpet shampooing machine.

    Thing is, I think his innards are dissolving inside him. When he’s not shitting, he farts like a beast. The vet says his liver is shot. Also, his …um….back end is caked with the stuff, and although I spend a lot of time trying to clean him off, it’s a losing battle. And the cleaning part has given me the opportunity to observe that he’s….extremely sore back there.

    We are due to go on vacation a week from today, and have his reservation at the boarding kennel. But I’m starting to wonder….what’s going to happen when we’re gone? Will they clean his backside? This is a serious concern, because in this heat, bad things can happen to unclean dogs who attract flies. Will he deteriorate faster without us?

    Will we come home to a dog that needs to be euthanized? Will something happen that – God forbid – they will have to euthanize him without us? Would it be more merciful to send him to doggie heaven before we leave?

    Why does that thought make me feel so crass?

  76. stonehinge said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:39

    Gavin, one thing you might experiment with is the overflow setting in your HTML/ CSS code. When you insert a picture, place it within a paragraph element which has overflow set to scroll. When the page is rendered, the browser will put up a scrollable window, if needed, to contain the image so that your layout will not be broken. That way, your users can scan over the right portion which might otherwise be obscured by the stuff in the right column. This is a very elegant solution which accommodates those who prefer to use page-size windows instead of full-screen displays, a group that probably includes the majority of your readers.

    If the following code doesn’t pass through, look it up at HTML Dog.

    http://www.htmldog.com/reference/cssproperties/overflow/

    The code would be something like:

    In your CSS, apply the magic as follows:

    .big_image {overflow: “visible”} [possibly "auto", try it and see]

  77. stonehinge said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:46

    Should have been:

    .big_image {overflow: “scroll”}

    And yes, the suggested html fell out, but this should get you on the right track.

    Keep up the good work, my friend. Every little bit helps.

  78. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:58

    You and your pet have my sympathy, g. I’ve had two pets (cats live a long time) in my life where this hard decision had to be made.

    It doesn’t make you feel better either way. For what it’s worth, I suspect sending your dog to the kennel is going to be a one way ticket (and not a pleasant one for him), so I suspect it would be better to take the doggy heaven option and think of it in those terms.

    That’s all I’ve got, I wish I had more.

  79. J— said,

    August 18, 2007 at 2:58

    I didn’t know the credibility of professional journalism rested in part on the propriety of non-journalist academics, politicians, and other writers.

    Jeebus, who has the time to read all that that idiotic crap @ Atrios? I like it here where there are only a select few smartasses.Let alone FDL w/ all the “Good Morning, all,” & “Bye-bye, have to go walk Rover now” mess.
    Liberals, indeed. Snicker.

    Speaking of lefto sites that annoy leftos, is there any chance Sadly, No! will host the coveted Cobb Awards for the year that was 2006?

  80. metamucil said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:01

    Hey g.

    Y’know, that’s why I don’t have pets. Years and decades of pure joy, but the end just sucks and that’s the part you remember. I can’t remember my mom except in the hospital after the stroke. Same shit.

    I suspect that not only would you not want to hear my advice, but you could find it harsh, perhaps bordering on crass.

    But you owe that guy some dignity. It’s gone far enough. If you can’t/won’t do it yourself, just you and him in the great outdoors sharing one more moment, then, finally, peace, then promise me this.

    If you have to do it in a hospital setting (pretty sure that’s not what he’d choose), make sure you’re there, and he can see you, and he knows it’s not to be feared, it’s just time.

    But it would be best if you went up to the coast above malibu with him. And came home alone. Really it would…

    mikey

  81. owlbear1 said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:05

    Thanks, Mike. Now lets go to Ed in Washington. Ed…?

    Here Walter!

    Take it aaawaay!

  82. J— said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:14

    g: When I was a teenager, the black Lab I grew up with died while my family was out of town on a trip. I felt like shit for not being around and not saying goodbye. Our next dog was a sweet, sweet Siberian Husky. She died two days before my high school graduation. I insisted on digging the grave and burying her. It was important to me, much more than the graduation.

    What does the vet say about how much longer he has and how he feels? Is he currently suffering?

  83. mikey said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:18

    I don’t know how you guys do it. I change my name in comments, I ALWAYS forget to change it back.

    And it just kinda clangs, quite discordantly, with the next post….

    mikey

  84. g said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:18

    thanks mikey and thunder

    thunder, I think you’re probably right about the kennel. We know the folks at the kennel and they’re very compassionate, but still – it’s a kennel.

    Our previous dog lived to 16 and then suffered a stroke. It was pretty obvious what had to be done, so no soul-searching. Our vet at that time was great and compassionate, and we sat a stroked his muzzle until the light went out of his eyes. We were later given a box of ashes that I planted a rose bush on top of.

    mikey – the malibu suggestion is good – actually – I know right where I’d go if I were to choose that. We have a friend named Sparky who owns a piece of property on a mountaintop. And one of those little bearcat shovel things.

    But our current vet knows a guy that will come to the house with the syringe, and then you can choose your option for what happens next. I’m going to call her tomorrow and get her opinion.

    I am a little worried about what the geriatric Rottweiler will think, though. He has abandonment issues.

  85. owlbear1 said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:23

    Ouch!

    Suck timing on that…

  86. g said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:33

    What does the vet say about how much longer he has and how he feels? Is he currently suffering?

    Well, I took him to her last week to get his bordatella shot for the kennel. She said he looked better than she expected he would, given his various ailments.

    I asked her how she thinks he feels. She said he probably feels weak, and debilitated, and probably feels mild nausea or stomach upset due to the liver problem, but that he probably isn’t in acute pain.

    But – and I don’t want to gross you out – there’s a serious concern with this shit/flies thing. We almost lost him last year to this. It was a hot spell, just like now, and he soiled himself and we didn’t know it right away. I learned about this last summer. Flies lay eggs in that, and the maggots gestate in the host material. If the host material happens to be a living being, the maggots exude chemicals to neutralize the live host. We caught it in time last summer, but our vet says that it can kill a dog.

    That’s what I’m worried about happening at the boarding kennel. Even we – who love him – can’t keep up with his bathroom habits unless we’re extremely vigilant.

  87. mikey said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:43

    Ok. I’ll tell the story.

    I got a dog for my sixteenth birthday. Rooney. Collie/Huskey cross. Smartest, prettiest, softest, most amazing animal you ever saw. Trained him to hand signals. It was so cool. No verbal commands worked – he’d just look over to me to find out what was expected of him. We had SO much fun, got girls, hung out at the beach, mount tam, up the coast to the russian river.

    Then I had to go away for a couple years, and when I got back I had trouble bonding with him. My parents had turned Rooney into some kind of plaything, and he was smart enough to know what was expected of him, and he gave them great satisfaction. But he also knew he couldn’t be the thing they wanted and the thing I wanted, and I was impatient and would leave for long periods of time.

    Really, everybody just did the best they can, mom and dad and rooney, and I was the one that couldn’t connect, couldn’t figure out how to be just a guy with a dog and a job. In hindsight, everybody walked on eggshells around me, including my beloved Rooney – and if you’ve never seen a seventy pound husky walk on eggshells, you’ve missed something noteworthy.

    Part of all that’s been wasted, some piece of everything that’s turned to ash is that chance I had to spend a few extra years with a very special canine. And the ripple effect is both the joy that he provided others and the sadness that it couldn’t just be him and me, as it was supposed to be.

    When he finally got old, and sick, and half blind, we went up to the top of Tamalpais one November night. We sat on the downslope and waited for the sun, Rooney’s head in my lap. We shared the things we shared, and the things we never got the chance to share.

    When there was enough light to see Stinson beach down below, he looked at me, as if to say, it’s time. I’m ready.

    I cradled his head in my hands, and very gently laid it on the rich ground. I looked in his big brown eyes, and I felt he said “it’s ok – it’s time”. I killed him with a .32 H&R Mag in the base of the skull. He never knew, but he he knew so much before…

    mikey

  88. Kneef Garfleston said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:46

    A goddammed brilliant melding of truth and satire. Seriously, Randall Hoven: you need to do this AS your day job. But you didn’t mention the Number One omission:

    Don’t forget “Butt Plug Bob,” The Confederate Yankee!

    He’s been the “driving farce” in this whole Beauchamp witch hunt. I mean The Weekly Standard quotes him just about every other day! HE got the “Beauchamp recanted” email from Col. Boylan, who’s in charge of all embedded media in Iraq. So, he must have almost as much credibility as Matt Drudge!

    Not only did his paranoid fantasy that Google™ was attempting to discredit Jesus on Christmas Eve 2005 earn him Crooks and Liars’ “WORST POST OF THE YEAR” …

    http://www.crooksandliars.com/2006/01/02/worst-post-of-the-year-2005/

    (click the link for the actual butt plug story from Bob)

    … but ALSO for the 2006 Thanksgiving holiday, old Bob hallucinated that a wire service photo of two Middle Eastern women in Burkas had GW Bush’s FACE photoshopped into it. Matt Drudge picked it up, and then hastily took it down. Full story at:

    http://www.attytood.com/2006/11/whos_unhinged_now_1.html

    So, if you don’t like calling him ‘Butt Plug Bob,’ you could probably use ‘Bush Burka Bob’ in polite company. (Or, ‘Anal Dildo Robert’ in formal milieux.)

    I didn’t see the burkas or the butt plugs anywhere in the American Thinker’s “expose.” I guess it must have been another oversight.

    It is funny that the all same Rightie blogs keep quoting him and citing him and relying on him, even though he’s been proven wrong straight up (unlike Beauchamp) in a highly embarrassing manner on multiple occasions.

    (Well, OK, “embarrassing” presupposes some sense of shame).

    So whose “accuracy” are we talking about here?

    I realize that “Confederate Yankee” is an oxymoron, but I think Bob dropped the “oxy” portion a long time ago for his “journalism.”

  89. Lesly said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:50

    g,

    You’re more compassionate than I am. I’m not sure I could put up with the crap (literally) as long as the pet is able to walk around and feed itself.

    I had to euthanize my first pet. He was a large tom. My parents refused to spend more money on a cat than necessary and leukemia did him in. I couldn’t watch him waste away. Needless to say, refusing to spend some money on preventative health care for pets resulted in several trips to the vet’s office later on.

    My cat literally bucked up on my bedroom furniture, deciding to die near me. I took him to the vet one last time, a few months before graduation, and looked into his eyes until his heart stopped beating. I’m tearing up thinking about it once again.

  90. Luther said,

    August 18, 2007 at 3:53

    Since the innernets is nothing but a bunch of tubes, and Sadly, No! is constantly fixen them innertubernet thingys, I hereby move that Sadly, No! should be regarded as:

    PLUMMERS OF THE INNERNETS!

    That is, when they do the going about fixin the innernets.

  91. Jennyjinx said,

    August 18, 2007 at 4:00

    Have you tried .img{ max-width:100%;} in your style sheet? That might solve the problem. Or try adding that to the img style along with the size <img src="where ever" style="height:px width:px max-width:100%;"/>. I don’t guarantee anything, of course, because I’m officially blind thanks to the penis in the tailpipe making me rinse my eyeballs with bleach. But it’s worth a try.

  92. g said,

    August 18, 2007 at 4:04

    mikey – great story. You are a wonderful story-teller, that is a true talent.

    What you describe about losing that bond is funny – it’s what happened to me with my first dog. I got him as a single person. He was my only steady companion through much of my troubled young-adulthood.

    I met and married my spouse and we had a kid. Great kid – he’s still a great kid, and a college sophomore. But after the kid was born, somehow the bond between me and Trouper was never the same.

    This dog – the geriatric malamute – was my kid’s dog, really. We got him when he was 8 years old. I have pictures of him, lying on the floor with the dog, casually embracing him as he watched TV. I wonder, for him what the state of his bond is.

    When we go away, in one week, it will be to take Said Kid back to NYC to college.

    I don’t want to give too much importance to Human Sentiment vs. animal needs. When my first dog died, it just so happened to be coming up to the Thanksgiving holiday. Some well-meaning but clueless individual said at the time, “Well maybe you want to keep him with your family over the Thanksgiving holiday, before the end.”

    I was outraged. What the fuck??? Why would I keep a dog alive in pain, for a fucking holiday he knows nothing about? What kind of Thanksgiving do you think my family would have, with a dying pet in the house? What if he has a crisis, and has to be put down by an anonymous Emergency Vet Clinic person instead of his compassionate, long-time vet?

    But now I’m thinking of the fucking timing. Kid goes off school, dog goes to kennel, we come back home without kid, dog is gone, or has to go…can dog last until Christmas break???….this really fucking sucks. Really.

  93. J— said,

    August 18, 2007 at 4:08

    But – and I don’t want to gross you out – there’s a serious concern with this shit/flies thing.

    Yes, I’ve seen it. It’s very sad.

    Is there a possibility of putting him an indoor, climate-controlled facility?

  94. J— said,

    August 18, 2007 at 4:09

    And would that make a difference?

  95. Willem van Oranje said,

    August 18, 2007 at 4:37

    This is what biofuel looks like, or is that a plug-in car?

  96. SamFromUtah said,

    August 18, 2007 at 4:41

    Let alone FDL w/ all the “Good Morning, all,” & “Bye-bye, have to go walk Rover now” mess.

    Lord, yes – I’ve stopped reading FDL’s comments, for much the same reason I stopped reading Atrios’. It used to be good over there, and most of the actual posts still are. There are still good comments, but it’s hard to dig them out of the other stuff. A large fraction of the comments there are just encouragement of the poster and dorky glib paranoia like you find on Democratic Underground. Then, of course, the chummy noise like you mentioned.

    Pity, really.

  97. rerun said,

    August 18, 2007 at 5:41

    glad you could fix the internets for the rest of us.

  98. g said,

    August 18, 2007 at 6:21

    Hey – thanks for putting up with my personal thing here.

  99. Some Guy said,

    August 18, 2007 at 6:42

    http://mediamatters.org/items/200708170015
    I nominate Gibson for “Biggest Pussy Twat Award”.

  100. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 18, 2007 at 6:54

    Who’d have thought that fixing the internet would involve more porn?

  101. Anne Laurie said,

    August 18, 2007 at 7:15

    G, you have my sympathies… we’re looking at a similar situation here… except that *our* end-stage geriatric is a five-pound Papillon with progressive kidney failure. So it’s mostly puddles, and basically we had all the carpets ripped up and the floors finished with deck polyurethane the last time we had this problem, with another beloved pet…

    Anyway. Sounds like your Malamute has already started strolling towards the light, and any extraordinary methods after this point are for the benefit of the survivors, not for him. Given the kid and the Rottweiler with abandonment issues and the guy with a syringe, I think the righteous thing for everybody in your “pack” is you pick a time this week when everybody can spend some quality time, and you all get to say goodbye, and then the Mal crosses the rainbow bridge without the pain and indignity we’re all afraid of enduring at the end. Probably the Rottweiler doesn’t want to be in the room when the guy with the syringe does his job, but from everything I’ve been told, it’ll be a great relief to his feelings if he can check out his packmate’s body afterwards. Because, as far as we can understand how the dog mind works, it’s a sad thing when your packmate dies, but at least you KNOW. What’s hardest is when they just, y’know, disappear, because the humans are capricious & forgetful, and who the hell knows where they might have left him and whether he’ll ever come back?

    Also, make sure everyone at the boarding kennel knows that your Rottie has just lost his housemate and may need some extra attention. If he’s good with other dogs, and you can arrange it, you might even be able to get the kennel people to take him to a local “doggie daycare” program. Not that he’s probably up to much roughhousing, or even gamboling, but spending a few hours at “day camp” watching the other dogs play may be better for his emotional health than sitting in even the nicest boarding run right now.

  102. zsa said,

    August 18, 2007 at 7:38

    Having a pet die in your arms can be a very weird experience. It’s like you see them leave, and you know without a doubt exactly when they go.

    The body’s just meat.

  103. zsa said,

    August 18, 2007 at 7:46

    Um, re-reading that, I don’t mean “meat”, like that I’m roasting and eating my dead pets. Not yet anyway.

    I mean that there’s this definite moment when the spirit that animates the body pulls itself away, and you can feel that happen, and what’s left after that is just the shell.

  104. Webster Hubble Telescope said,

    August 18, 2007 at 7:48

    The man who mistook his wife for a potato

  105. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2007 at 9:15

    All I can say is, as a selfish humanoid who doesn’t want to think of himself as a murderer, I have on at least one occasion let a feline friend live longer than he really should have, but when I saw him having convulsions in front of me, I knew it was time to let him go. So, though this may, as “g” said, sound crass, better a few days too early than too late. And whether or not awful fly things happen, the whole thing of being in the kennel may be too much. Very tough call. Wish I’d known about the guy who comes to the house w/ the needle. If at all possible, you should let your other canine pal see his packmate post-mortem, I hear it helps.
    And in further grimness (I’m in fugging tears here, this all sucks so much, & I’m as hatefilled a comsymp progressive as you can get) comment buddy D. Sidhe’s cat is not doing too well, as she just posted today, I’m sure any whatever anyone can offer would help her too. Best wishes, “g,” I’m sure you’ll make the right decision.
    I now declare this grim shit closed, on to lolcats & merriment!!

  106. Charles said,

    August 18, 2007 at 9:27

    Congratulations! I see that you have perfected the art of placing ads over everything so that I can’t tell what the f**k you’re trying to say.

    On two browsers, I should add.

  107. ahem said,

    August 18, 2007 at 9:48

    Apparently he had said the same stuff in other speeches where he appropriately gave credit, but failed to do so on one occasion, where he was captured on video. Shrug.

    And it was the last stump speech in a day when he’d delivered it several times, all with attribution. Tired, worn out, forgot. Should have been ‘no harm, no foul’, especially for the hacks travelling with him, but he’s such a verbiose bastard who loves the sound of his own voice that they decided to stick the knife in rather than contemplate doing the Biden Beat for [x] more months.

  108. The Dark Avenger said,

    August 18, 2007 at 10:52

    g, the plays were sent over a telegraph connection and the information was relayed by radio or voice to baseball fans not familiar with morse code.

    Not quite as bad, but it harkens the day of the teletype broadcaster. The guy, Ronald Reagan was one, who read the game over the wire, with the soundtrack of a phony crowd.
    If you ever get a chance to watch Ronald Reagan play Grover Cleveland Alexander, listen to that track whenever they are at the ball park. The same guy says, “Yahoo,” several times over.

    Link

  109. HTML Mencken said,

    August 18, 2007 at 12:02

    My grandparents raised pigs. It was how they made winter-time money back before the 70s, before farming got good and a farmer didn’t have to moonlight or sideline to pay the bills.

    The swine had their own shed (the “pig parlor”) and their own fenced-in part of the farmyard (the horses were gone by then). Now if you’ve ever seen “Snatch” and heard Bricktop say how he disposed of bodies, you know what pigs are capable of. Don’t doubt it.

    So my grandfather and the farm dog (collie mutt) were inside the fence, filling the trough, and the sows and piglets are all around him… everything’s okay. But somehow a piglet gets stuck in the fence and starts to squeal. More seriously, it started to bleed. My grandmother was trying to pull it through to the outside of the fence. The pigs smelled the blood and made that awful sound that only they can collectively make. They started to frenzy, snapping at the piglet and crowding my grandfather on the inside. He climbed the rim of the trough to get above them, beating them back with a 2×4 he’d managed to grab.

    Well, there’s not much room to maneuver on the rim of a trough, especially when you’re swinging a 2×4, and besides, there were so many he was overwhelmed. By this time my grandmother had pulled the piglet through but it was screaming and bleeding badly; she was yelling at my grandfather to climb the fence and get the hell out of there. That’s when he fell from the rim, and the dominant sow went for his head. Immediately, the dog tore into the pig, climbed on top of it, biting at its neck. This bought my grandfather the chance of escape, and so he did.

    So, I always ask when told this story, what happened to the dog? Well, no one’s ever given me an answer on that score, but I know it lived because it eventually became my first dog. Pookie was his name, and that was the second word I ever learned/spoke (the first apparently being “sticker”, my word for “ouch”). Pookie was old by the time I knew him, and apparently he was jealous of the attention my grandparents gave me, but he was also protective. He had long black hair with a blaze of white on this chest.

    After he died, we didn’t get another farm dog for a long time. Sometimes strays would come by and kill our chickens, so my grandfather would have to shoot them. When he did, he’d come indoors even during worktime and be very quiet; sometimes he’d take a nap. It killed his soul to have to shoot a dog.

    Having the personality of a bitter sixty year old bastard in a body half that age, I’m no dog person now. Dogs are needy and gregarious; I’m withdrawn and morose. It doesn’t work. But Pookie was my first friend, and knowing better now the magnitude of the debt that I owe him, I miss him even more.

    Veterans are haunted people, especially as they age, and as such their acts of mercy and gratitude convey that much more poignance. Mikey’s very affecting story reminded me of my grandfather (WW2, 506thPI, no shit, one of those guys) so forgive my longwindedness.

  110. Gag Halfrunt said,

    August 18, 2007 at 13:50

    The fake footage from the Russian Arctic mission for which Hoven blames Reuters (item 54 on his list) came originally from Russian state television. But everyone expects the Russkies to fake stuff so it’s more fun to pin it on Reuters, especially when you’ve just brought up the faked Lebanon bombing photos — not only are they a bunch of anti-semitic terrorist-lovers but they suck up to the Kremlin too!

  111. M. Bouffant said,

    August 18, 2007 at 13:55

    HTML: I had a cat named Pookie. Used to work w/ a lot of Filipino folks (me, not Pookie) & they cracked up when I told them her name, ’cause in Tagalog “Pookie” means “pussy,” & not the meowing kind, if y’know what I mean.
    P. S.: Y’all should post something about Ron Paul. I threw up a little something about three hours ago, & apparently his internet trolls just sit @ their devil boxes all day & all night googlin’ & checking technorati for anything relating to him, then visit & leave comments about “freedom, no taxes, Constitution, blah blah blah, yada yada.” Try it, it’s fun!

  112. Gentlewoman said,

    August 18, 2007 at 18:44

    g, I am so sorry to hear about your dog. I think I’m in the ‘it might be time’ camp on this. Especially if you can get someone to come to the house with the needle.

    When my first Bengal cat died at 9 months old (killed by the anesthesia while being spayed), I let my other cat see her body before I buried her at the bottom of the garden under the mulberry tree. Dunno if it made a difference to the other cat or not, since I doubt that they can remember anything that happened more than 10 minutes ago, but I felt as though I should do it, so she would know that Kerani was gone for good.

    Perhaps something like this would help the Rottweiler, but you know your dogs best. This is such a tough call, I hope whatever decision you and your family make works out to be the least painful for you and your pets.

    Ahem. Gavin, ‘fixing the internets’ always gives me a headache, but, as with your reading of moronic wingnut blogs, thank you for doing it so I don’t have to.

  113. Morse said,

    August 18, 2007 at 18:48

    He relies way too much on foreign oil.

  114. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 18, 2007 at 18:52

    Roy quotes Snitchens:

    “I am prepared for this war to go on for a very long time. I will never become tired of waging it, because it is a fight over essentials.”

  115. Hysterical Woman said,

    August 18, 2007 at 19:35

    Jeff Gannon is ex-gay?

  116. Hysterical Woman said,

    August 18, 2007 at 19:57

    Now that I’ve read the thread, let me say something more profound on the dog issue: My family owned a husky/collie mix for several years named Bruce (after the Boss). He was an intelligent dog, liked to run away a lot. He tricked us a few times. But he was a good dog. Years later, we ended up taking care of another dog named Rudy. Bruce never liked other dogs so he was upset, but he eventually got used to it. He let Rudy into the pack, though of course under him. Unfortunately, Rudy was already old and eventually he just collapsed and had to be put down. I was at college at the time, but mom reports that Bruce acted aggressively toward the 911 people who came for Rudy. After Rudy died, Bruce went downhill fast. He became senile. Around a year after Rudy’s death, while we were at DisneyWorld, my dad had to put Bruce down. We didn’t get to be there for him. My mom now has Bruce’s ashes in her room in an urn.
    I have to say I was somewhat relieved at Bruce’s death because of his bowel issues (our family room was a mess) but I miss pre-senile Bruce.

  117. ek said,

    August 18, 2007 at 20:19

    This is exactly why I cancelled my subscription to the Daily Egyptian.

    Extra points for rhyming!

  118. mdhatter said,

    August 18, 2007 at 20:47

    Gavin, I run at 1024×768, and they totally runneth over. I should run bigger, but then again, I should have a bigger monitor.

  119. mikey said,

    August 19, 2007 at 2:11

    Ho humm.

    I’m just sittin on the porch in the sleepy backwater swamps of the intert00bz, pluckin mah banjo and waitin fer the city folks to come up with their Lands End shirts and their Amex cards.

    Hey, did I ever tell ya about my economic theory of banjos?

    mikey

  120. SamFromUtah said,

    August 19, 2007 at 2:13

    Hey, did I ever tell ya about my economic theory of banjos?

    No, please do!

    I know only that the banjo is the Instrument of Jubilation – except for the Schadenfreude Banjo, which is only ever used … well, you can guess.

  121. M. Bouffant said,

    August 19, 2007 at 2:15

    Hey, y’think the Jim Van Vliet @ #60 on the American Stinker’s list is related to Don (Cap’t. Beefheart) Van Vliet?
    Do banjos ruin economies? Or help?

  122. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 19, 2007 at 2:16

    Hey, did I ever tell ya about my economic theory of banjos?

    Nope. But I’m all ears.

  123. asdfasdflkh said,

    August 19, 2007 at 2:25

    michelle malkin, michelle malkin, and michelle malkin.

  124. mikey said,

    August 19, 2007 at 2:51

    See, here’s the thing. As a hedge against economic collapse, you need to accumulate value outside of currency, right? It might be gold, it might be gemstones, it might be weapons or cigarettes or drugs. Something that has value and can be traded in an economy where currency has no value.

    Well, I ask you. Go in any pawn shop. What do you see. Oh sure, the usual, pistols and rings and silver services. But look up. On the walls. There. Banjos, right? Tens and hundreds of banjos. Now ask yourself. Why are those banjos in the pawn shop?

    Well, duh. It’s because they are easily convertible to money. So, the answer is obvious. In good times, gather, accumulate and hoard banjos. When things get tough, use the odd market value of the banjo to get access to things of value through the pawn system.

    Thank you for attending this very important lecture on wealth in a collapsing economy. Please leave two banjos at the door.

    Goodnight….

    mikey

  125. mikey said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:09

    Sorry, Roger, you tiger now

    mikey

  126. shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:11

    I have also staked out an investment position in consumables, but in pr0n. A long term value, the net present yield of eighties-big-hairstyles hetero-videos seemed like a nasdaq rocket. Alas, Republicans, instead of suppressing adult entertainment and therefore increasing the rarity/value of my portfolio, staked out a forward position in closeted-gay encounters. Plummeting due to economic substitution, my strategy demanded intercession. I called my good buddy, bob bernanke, and the fed bought $30billion of hot-carl-denominated debentures, thereby fueling an ambisexual liquidity market relaxation.

  127. shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:14

    dam, i’m all alone now.

  128. kingubu said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:21

    Banjos also serve to spur the healthy circulation of capital due to their ramblin’ nature.

  129. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:24

    dam, i’m all alone now.

    Madam, I am no dam.

  130. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:27

    ?

  131. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:35

    Fucking wordpress. That ? is supposed to be something more amusing.

  132. noen said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:38

    I made the mistake of following blowback’s link:

    And he bragged: “I did have the exhausts custom made for one car because they were too small. I had them widened and rounded.

    “The firm never asked why — but I loved the view while she was up on the ramp and they were working on her. I love all aspects of cars. Some people even like to taste mechanical fluids, but that’s going too far.”

    A guy’s gotta have limits I suppose.

    Then there was Lydia, a BMW 735i that was tuned and lowered. She was special.

    Car lovers vary — a few like to remain faithful to one car all their life, others like to play the car park. Now I don’t get as emotionally attached to individual cars as I used to. They are not a substitute for humans. The truth is the opposite.

    Chris believes one spark for his fetish was 1980s cult TV series Knight Rider, starring David Hasselhof and featuring a talking car.

    Of course, I’d be surprised to find out otherwise. David Hasselhof is the ruler of the universe.

    His weird obsession mirrors that of electrician Karl Watkins, who The Sun revealed was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.

    Which puts a whole new meaning on “pavement burns” doesn’t it?

  133. mikey said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:39

    Yeah, I know. So was this….

    mikey

  134. shane's dentist's attorney's bookie said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:53

    I was having an affair with a Trans Am, and my Volvo was getting suspicious. So I parked the Trans Am in a trailer park, where it wouldn’t be noticed. But the Volvo had GPS and discovered us, en flagrante downshifto.

  135. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:54

    What won’t men fuck?

  136. mikey said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:56

    Very Small Roadkill?

    mikey

  137. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 19, 2007 at 3:56

    I’m gonna buy me a Mercury and fuck it up and down the road.

  138. noen said,

    August 19, 2007 at 4:23

    I always feel I need to do this:

    This guy that was the subject of the story in “The Sun” isn’t really a bad guy. There really isn’t anything “wrong” with him. He is completely up front with his partners, female and male, about his fetish and most of all he doesn’t hurt anybody. It’s just a little unusual. At least he isn’t molesting young boys, having sex with people while they are asleep or offering to service men in a park late at night and then blaming it on all black men.

    It’s the denial and the repression twists your soul and eats you alive from the inside out. The lies, the hypocrisy and the self righteousness are what destroys them and the people around them. It isn’t “wrong” to have a fetish, what is wrong is when you do things to other people without their permission. It may seem obvious to us but it isn’t to many whose religion or social upbringing has so shamed and traumatized them that they cannot deal with their sexuality. They are,in fact, willing to destroy our country so they don’t have to face the horrible truth that sits inside them and eats at them every single day.

    /rant off

  139. RubDMC said,

    August 19, 2007 at 4:28

    For children – a woman

    For pleasure – a boy

    But for sheer ecstasy – a Buick.

    – - Old Detroit proverb

  140. Simba B. said,

    August 19, 2007 at 4:33

    Thank you, noen. As a gay man with some strange turn ons himself, I always feel the need to defend people like this. I was raised in a religious background and was haunted by my sexuality for most of my teenage years. Then I found other people like me, and other people who accept me and my crazy fantasies, and trust me, there’s no going back. If you’re like me, you might even be so lucky as to stumble into a solid relationship with someone who likes some of the same things you do. :)

  141. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 19, 2007 at 4:45

    Like a rock
    Standing arrow straight…

  142. Big Kahuna Burger said,

    August 19, 2007 at 4:46

    I just think that shade of red is really awful for lingerie, is all. It’s not like I hate him for it or anything, but I have to be honest with myself- it makes me sick.

  143. tnosaj said,

    August 19, 2007 at 4:57

    Gentlewoman…
    When my first Bengal cat died at 9 months old (killed by the anesthesia while being spayed), I let my other cat see her body before I buried her at the bottom of the garden under the mulberry tree. Dunno if it made a difference to the other cat or not, since I doubt that they can remember anything that happened more than 10 minutes ago

    Dunno if by “they” you mean “this particular cat” or “cats in general”.

    My dad trained the family cat (Midnight) to sit and shake a paw on command for food rewards. Cats are trainable, but you gotta make it worth their while.

    When the cat was ten years old, we sold the house and moved. We decided it would be pretty traumatic for the cat to move too, and the neighbors had room in their menagerie (and hearts) for another critter.

    We all left town going separate ways.

    Three years later, Mum and Dad were back visiting friends in the old hometown. Popped by the neighbors, and the old cat wandered by. Dad piped up with “G’day Mid.” The cat stopped, looked up and blinked a few times, then sat and put his right-front paw in the air, ready to shake hands. You could almost hear him say “G’day John.”

  144. Righteous Bubba said,

    August 19, 2007 at 5:01

    I’m with the sympathizers: this guy can and should go about his as-far-as-I-can-tell entirely harmless business. But it’s funny. Plain heterosexual boinking is comical enough as it is.

    What I wonder is if fucking the vehicles in the tailpipe means we are supposed to infer some inherent kinkiness on the part of the vehicles involved.

  145. mikey said,

    August 19, 2007 at 5:12

    AAARRGGHHHH!!

    The weirdness, fer crissakes, is the LINGERIE!!

    Now, I know some dudes wear the lingerie. I know some dudes even wear their WIFE’S sexy underwear. As a side note, my sister had shit.

    But if your thing is to fuck the exhaust pipes of passenger automobiles, what’s the deal with the teddy and stockings? Are they part of the rush? It’s a car/xdressing rush?

    Or if it’s just a car thing, wouldn’t you be better off in hubcaps and sheet metal?

    I just don’t get it…

    mikey

  146. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 19, 2007 at 5:23

    comical enough as it is.

  147. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    August 19, 2007 at 5:45

    Mikey, you said something about ban joes?

  148. truestory said,

    August 19, 2007 at 6:51

    What’s up with the dude fucking the tailpipe? As far as journalistic integrity, just look at the CNN line up. You got a right wing douchebag hosting reliable sources, another righty hosting his own show(yes I’m referring to Glenn Beck) and a whole ensemble of douchebags too polite to ask tough questions or fact check “guests” of there various shows. That’s just CNN. Add to that Judy Miller, sock puppet Simon, and a whole mess of other factually challenged dickheads and you realize how far down the mainstream media has truly fallen. I am so disgusted with the news media. When real journalists like Mike Ware reporting from Bagdad become targets for the Gits at Fake News it’s time to re-evaluate where you get your news and information from. CNN is not a substitute anymore.

  149. AkaDad said,

    August 19, 2007 at 13:57

    That vehicle was clearly asking for it…

  150. George Johnston said,

    August 19, 2007 at 16:36

    You forgot Novakula!

  151. jgmurphyj said,

    August 19, 2007 at 19:47

    Excuse me, but why is some stupid thing Joe Biden said nearly THIRTY YEARS AGO suddenly more important than the fact that he supported the war in 2003???

  152. truestory said,

    August 19, 2007 at 20:14

    Let’s not forget Pajamajehad Media and TownHall………

  153. PR said,

    August 19, 2007 at 20:49

    Another registered Republican.

  154. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    August 20, 2007 at 4:08

    Kids today. Does no-one read J. G. Ballard anymore?
    Today’s reading is from the Atrocity Exhibition, Chapter 10, verse 3:

    “Involuntary orgasms during the cleaning of automobiles. Studies reveal an increasing incidents of sexual climaxes among persons cleaning automobiles. In many cases the subject remained unaware of the discharge of semen across the polished paintwork and complained to his spouse about birds. One isolated case reported to a psychiatric after-care unit involved the first definitive sexual congress with a rear exhaust assembly. It is believed that the act was conscious.”

  155. lobbey said,

    August 20, 2007 at 5:22

    I’m with the sympathizers too, as long as its harmless and between consenting adults. Used to know a girl who’s (ex) boyfreind was into the ‘smoking’ porn, i.e. he wanted her dressed up, in long boots, smoking cigarettes, take some pics, and that was about all he ever wanted to do. There is a whole sub genre of this kind of ‘porn’, including the part time x-dressers, which all tends to be ‘masterbatory’, for want of a better phrase. Strangly enough, some of the sub genre’s are limited to a single nationality, i.e ‘Dwarfs’ was almost exclusivly British.

    However, the exhaust pipe fuck*rs is a new one to me, but each to their own, I suppose. I suppose its harmless, but decidely odd. The fact that he is a Brit is not worthy of further comment.

  156. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    August 20, 2007 at 12:47

    If this is the visible part of the iceberg, just how big is the iceberg?

    I really hate this “90% of iceberg is concealed underwater” story. Everyone blames the iceberg. Like it is being sneaky, lurking around underwater, hiding its true intentions. It’s time we shifted the blame to the water, where it belongs. Surely it makes more sense to say that “90% of the water is concealing an iceberg”.

    Anyway, the whole story could easily be a fabrication of the MSM. How many of us have actually measured an iceberg?

    If you want to describe Randall Hoven as “The tip of the ass-berg”, I expect to be credited.

  157. Balloon Juice said,

    August 20, 2007 at 20:13

    [...] news- Sadly, No! fixes the [...]

  158. Notorious P.A.T. said,

    April 4, 2009 at 0:38

    Could this fucking page take any longer to load?

  159. ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,

    September 14, 2010 at 13:13

    It loaded pretty fast, imho.
    ~

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