14
Shorter Confederate Yankee
Above: That guy on the Gong Show with the viking helmet
- Wow-oo wow-oo, Wow-oo wow-oo, Wow-wow wow-wow!
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Warning: Do not click the link unless you’re prepared for a long and wackily desperate post that argues with keyboard-poundy earnestness that Mr. Yankee is proven right about every detail of the Beauchamp affair despite the desperate attempts of treasonous liars to spin the truth.
No really, I’m warning you. The next post you see over there might look like this.
Update: If anyone brave enough to read the post has missed the earlier installments in this drama, it’s important to keep in mind that Mr. Yankee is capable of trying to ‘debunk’ the existence of the sun.
Standard techniques include cherry-picking of evidence and wild speculation presented as fact, although when he gets this far down a blind alley, he’s liable to try just any old thing. Beware! Beware!
His Grace said,
August 14, 2007 at 19:50
You know, I found it oddly amusing that confederate yankee begins with
And never can give a good answer to that question, despite wanking on for another 500 words or so.
cleek said,
August 14, 2007 at 19:52
mmm. smell that Obsession. it’s so manly.
(i’m not sure why Gomer keeps deleting that when i post it over there)
Righteous Bubba said,
August 14, 2007 at 19:58
(i’m not sure why Gomer keeps deleting that when i post it over there)
I’m not sure why he left my comment up.
Lesley said,
August 14, 2007 at 20:06
I stopped reading when I got to the sitemeter image he posted to prove the New Republic visited his web site.
For all of 1 second.
norbizness said,
August 14, 2007 at 20:14
That’s quite alright.
t4toby said,
August 14, 2007 at 20:35
OMFG!!!1! Gavin, that is the best blog evar!!!!1!!1!!111!!
What do you mean the next post might look like that? That is what 85% of wingnut blogs already look like!
I never really pegged Chewy to be a right-tard, though…
a different brad said,
August 14, 2007 at 20:40
I kinda wish I’d gone into psychology at times like this.
Just from a clinical point the conservative movement has to be fascinating, usually this level of delusion doesn’t last long in the wild. How do CY and ace manage to clothe themselves and eat and such?
His Grace said,
August 14, 2007 at 21:23
Silly Gavin, the sun doesn’t exist. Every day I see it rise above the surface of the earth in the east in the morning and sink below it in the west in the evening. Yet scientists claim that the Sun (if that is its real name) is millions of times bigger than our planet. How can these two things coincide? They can’t!
UPDATE: After my numerous protests to NASA about the purported existence of the sun, they have declined to comment even though it’s clear from NASA Whirlwind that they have at least aimed a satellite in my general direction recently.
Gavin M. said,
August 14, 2007 at 21:41
Those determined to distort the facts about this so-called ’sun’ have no explanation for the moon.
Laughably, they claim the moon orbits the Earth even while maintaining that the so-called ’sun’ — which oh-so-conveniently goes somewhere whenever the moon is around — is in some kind of bizarre negative non-orbit around the Earth. How can there be the opposite of an orbit?
If they can’t even make up their minds about the definition of the word, ‘orbit,’ then how can we trust their word about anything? Let alone a so-called giant ball of fire that supposedly burns in outer space, where there’s no oxygen.
t4toby said,
August 14, 2007 at 21:46
Its true!
Righteous Bubba said,
August 14, 2007 at 21:52
If they can’t even make up their minds about the definition of the word, ‘orbit,’ then how can we trust their word about anything?
It’s an orbituary for these so-called scienticians. And if they know about the sky why aren’t they called skyentists?
Fozzetti said,
August 14, 2007 at 21:56
t4toby: I thought that site was a joke at first! Shudder!
His Grace said,
August 14, 2007 at 22:01
Look, I took a remedial science class when I was trying to get my G.E.D. I remember the teacher explaining that the so-called Sun allegedly was akin to a gigantic H-Bomb, much like those used by our patriotic troops. Yet over at LGF they have done some interesting research in comparing photos like this with those of the purported “Sun.”
Notice something striking about the two distinct photos. One (the one that is apparently some photoshoped artist’s conception of the assumed Sun) is a gigantic ball of fire, but the other one, the H-bomb that the supposed Sun is apparently based upon is distinctly Mushroom shaped. LGF is all over this, demanding a retraction from the University of Texas and wondering if the Texas Legislature is aware that our tax dollars are going towards such obvious forgeries.
Gavin M. said,
August 14, 2007 at 22:33
What I’d like to know is why the so-called ‘moon’ resembles a crescent.
If you see what I’m getting at, and I think you do…
Nullifidian said,
August 14, 2007 at 22:37
What I’d like to know is why the so-called ‘moon’ resembles a crescent.
If you see what I’m getting at, and I think you do…
It means that the Mooninites are terrorists and in league with the forces of global jihad.
1/31/2007: NEVER FORGET!
Olexicon said,
August 14, 2007 at 22:39
Confederate Yankee needs to take Remedial Science 1A from Mr. Dondenlinger
His Grace said,
August 14, 2007 at 23:01
The mooninite angle is a good one and brings up this interesting tidbit:
But the late 1960s and early 1970s was also the alleged time when NASA visited the “Moon” repeatedly. NASA openly bragged about bringing back large amounts of surface samples from the poorly named Apollo mission (ed note: Didn’t he fight Rocky??? Comments explaining this discrepancy would be helpful)Yet the government had to increase quotas for cheese despite the apparent new availability of cheap imports from the Moon. Unless this so-called moon didn’t exist, which would mean that such shortages were easily explainable.
g said,
August 14, 2007 at 23:02
It means that the Mooninites are terrorists
Heh. There’s still one of these little guys painted on the wall of the McClure Tunnel in Santa Monica.
kingubu said,
August 15, 2007 at 0:51
OT, but, speaking of Teh Funny, it appears the producers of that flagship of Wingnut comedy, The Half Hour News Hour, just got the Dear John letter.
That’s right, they couldn’t even make FOX News viewers laugh. That’s gotta hurt…
Rufus said,
August 15, 2007 at 0:53
Not only does the sun exist, but it presents the gravest threat to freedom-loving people in the history of mankind. If we wish to continue to live in peace and prosperity, we must destroy the sun, before it destroys us!!!
Righteous Bubba said,
August 15, 2007 at 0:58
If we wish to continue to live in peace and prosperity, we must destroy the sun, before it destroys us!!!
Colin Powell would have us send half a million troops to the sun, but we can make do with a fraction of that.
sonic said,
August 15, 2007 at 1:07
Breaking
Sun not alone, billions of terrorist suns (so called “stars”) all over universe. What is Bush doing about threat…
Rufus said,
August 15, 2007 at 1:13
Every few years, the U. S. needs to throw some crappy little star against the wall just to show the universe we mean business…
Big Kahuna Burger said,
August 15, 2007 at 1:25
…or just because we can. And here the important point– EITHER of these reasons is a good one.
Colleen said,
August 15, 2007 at 1:37
Once again I’m going to pop in here and say thanks for the laughs SadlyNo! crowd. You guys are the shit. I had a little more time this evening so I actually clicked the link at CY’s place and read the comments. Sarcasm, it’s not for the very, very, serious people. I did get an extra kick out of the commentor who questioned Cleeks use of the computer at work time, never giving a thought to maybe Cleek is the boss or maybe, just maybe, gets a lunch hour. In the meantime bush is on what day of his historic vacation time? Irony is not for the very serious people either.
g said,
August 15, 2007 at 2:15
Does no one at CY’s place work a split shift?
mikey said,
August 15, 2007 at 2:29
Y’know, I was thinking. Why do we even care about these clowns anymore?
I mean, a few years ago, they were speaking for, or at least in support of, a political party that held all the levers of power, had just won a presidential election and had tremendous power available to it, and was spoken of in the press in nothing less than glowing terms. So when they said something foul, evil, bigoted, or just simply stupid, it was incumbent upon us to challenge them, on the premise, and on the merits.
But now? They are the fringe of the fringe, the most ideologically committed members of the 28% club. And even many of the 28 percenters would disavow a great deal of the more batshit narratives provided by these pundits and bloggers. If many of us stopped reacting to the nuttiness in a predictable pavlovian fashion, they’d still bellow their buckets full of stupid into the uncaring void, but who would know?
If a right-wing authoritarian wingnut blogger bloviated in a forest and nobody was around to hear ‘em, would they make any noise?
Or would powerline link to them, LGStoopid would link to powerline and drudge would link to LGStoopid, who would link to drudge and one portion of the internet would melt. And nobody would notice.
Just a thought…
mikey
Ripley said,
August 15, 2007 at 2:42
Is there some kind of pool for how many bottles of his own urine CY has in his den? Put me down for… hmmm… 57!
M. Bouffant said,
August 15, 2007 at 2:47
Mikey, we cannot let up. We must snark them into their component atoms, drive wooden stakes through their hearts, etc., so they cannot rise again from their graves. Bear in mind that they’ll get a big boost from being underdogs after January ‘09 (only 17 mos.!) & no doubt be back worse than ever, as they’ll have more than us “moonbats” to typographically assault, they’ll have the whole (governmental) power structure set in motion against them, trying to get them to shut up so they can turn over all of Western Civilization to Moozlim sharia!
Notorious P.A.T. said,
August 15, 2007 at 3:19
EITHER of these reasons is a good one
A good case could be made for dispatching troops to the Sun. Should we do that? Well, I don’t want to take anything off the table, of course.
Dan Someone said,
August 15, 2007 at 3:55
Re the Half Hour News Hour:
Apparently, they’re going to look for some new tools to do the show, since the ones they had weren’t funny.
sonic said,
August 15, 2007 at 3:58
Confederate Yankee
The filthy stinking hippies at Sadly no say we cannot send troops to the sun, these cowardly defeatocrats claim they will be burned to a crisp!
Have these moonbats never heard of a period of time called “night”?
Captain Queeg said,
August 15, 2007 at 4:02
Ahhh! But the strawberries that’s… that’s where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and ..
Hart Williams said,
August 15, 2007 at 4:12
Er, turns out that Confederate Yankee made Crooks & Liars “WORST POST OF THE YEAR” for his Christmas Eve 2005 bizarratude accusing Google of trying to besmirch Christmas with … er … Nativity sexual devices.
Details at the link. So weirdly hilarious that you couldn’t make it up!
Sifu Tweety said,
August 15, 2007 at 4:15
Bad night for people with “Yankee” in their name.
(HAH WOO GO SOX!)
lobbey_dosser said,
August 15, 2007 at 4:53
Sun not alone, billions of terrorist suns (so called “stars”) all over universe. What is Bush doing about threat…
Allahpundit is all over this, Cindy Sheehan is in league with Alpha Centuri, according to sources at the Pentagon. Over at LGF they may have pictures of both Cindy and Al Franken communing with Aliens, the traitors.
Legalize said,
August 15, 2007 at 5:17
I couldn’t click the link. I decided that the meth-heads down the block agrued their points more cogently.
owlbear1 said,
August 15, 2007 at 6:34
NUKE THE SUN!!!! NUKE THE SUN!!!!
NUKE IT UNTIL GLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
August 15, 2007 at 6:57
That option is not on the table. It has been detabulated. I think one of the cats grabbed it from the table and took it away to play with, so it could be anywhere now.
connection said,
August 15, 2007 at 8:31
And now a poem made from the emboldenated link words of CY’s post:
/golf clap
Jose Chung said,
August 15, 2007 at 8:32
Beauchamp is a lying scumbag whose wife works for The New Republic. He is the latest incarnation of that lying scumbag Joseph Wilson.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
August 15, 2007 at 10:53
He appears in many incarnations… yet he is always the same lying scumbag. Joseph Wilson. There can be only one.
Crazy From The Heat or, It’s Only Logickal « his vorpal sword said,
August 15, 2007 at 13:25
[...] posting — and don’t be drinking liquids when you read it — please go directly to Sadly, No! Read the short post AND the comments. Do not pass “GO.” Do not collect $200. (Well, [...]
over_educated said,
August 15, 2007 at 13:49
Unlike so many of the left-wing moonbats who yammer incessantly but accomplish nothing, right leaning blogs use FACTS on the ground to back up our position. Let’s look at the latest left-wing media propaganda purporting to show evidence of the existence of the “sun”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNZwrgFo3GE
A careful analysis of this video shows that the alleged “sun” produces enough heat to melt metal. I scientifically tested this thesis by arranging various pieces of metal in my back yard including: copper wiring, stainless steel silverware and a cast iron pot. They were placed under direct sunlight for over 4 hours. The results: NOT A SINGLE ONE MELTED!!! How can the left wing media claim that the sun produces that high of a temperature when I now have indisputable proof that the “sun” produces nowhere near that degree of heat?
In addition I have word via Jeff Gannon that a representative from the Church of Scientology has verified that there is no and never has been a “sun”, rather the orb you see in the sky is a holographic projection placed there several million years ago by a race of hyper-advanced squid. The irony is even with proof directly from the horse’s mouth the moonbats will cling to their ridiculous beliefs, they will continue to hypocritically attack Jeff Gannon because of their loathing of homosexuals.
We are asking for donations so Malkin and Ace of Spades may take a trip to the “sun” and acquire actual video evidence of its non-existence.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
August 15, 2007 at 14:06
That option is not on the table. It has been detabulated. I think one of the cats grabbed it from the table and took it away to play with, so it could be anywhere now.
Yah, I got yer option right here, bud.
Pere Ubu said,
August 15, 2007 at 14:37
I scientifically tested this thesis by arranging various pieces of metal in my back yard including: copper wiring, stainless steel silverware and a cast iron pot. They were placed under direct sunlight for over 4 hours. The results: NOT A SINGLE ONE MELTED!!!
HAH! I made a scale model of the Solar System once in grade school, and oddly enough, the “Sun” WASN’T HOT. Neither NASA nor The National Solar Observatory have responded to emails concerning the idea that the Sun is actually more like one of those glow-sticks than the “hot” “ball of fire” that the MSM would have you believe.
Oh, and my model Sun exhibited NO “gravatational” effects whatsoever. So much for that crazy idea that the planets “orbit” it.
I’m working with scale models of the Saturn V rocket at the moment; all the ones I’ve thrown firecrackers underneath have blown up instead of taking off like in those (obviously FAKED) films. Boeing and McDonnell-Douglas will be contacted with this evidence shortly. Fake the Moon landings, will they?
atheist said,
August 15, 2007 at 15:16
Y’know, I was thinking. Why do we even care about these clowns anymore?
Mikey:
I get fatigue about it too. Indeed, constantly examining the grubs that squirm when you lift up a rock has appeal, but can get old. When I feel bored, I just stay away for a couple of days.
One thing, even though they are finding themselves opposed by more and more of the population, you shouldn’t forget that their boy is still the the white house, and they still have lots of other connections. They will hurt people again.
Democratic Convention Party Political Local Advertising Presidential Campaigns » Blog Archive » Crazy From The Heat, or It’s Only Logickal said,
August 15, 2007 at 15:16
[...] posting — and don’t be drinking liquids when you read it — please go directly to Sadly, No! Read the short post AND the comments. Do not pass “GO.” Do not collect $200. (Well, OK, [...]
mat said,
August 15, 2007 at 16:29
I scientifically tested this thesis by arranging various pieces of metal in my back yard including: copper wiring, stainless steel silverware and a cast iron pot. They were placed under direct sunlight for over 4 hours. The results: NOT A SINGLE ONE MELTED!!!
I did the same experiment using a pair of soiled panties purloined from Michelle Malkin, and not only did all the different metals melt, they also, in their molten state, formed into exact replicas of Hugh Hewitt’s saucy manboobs.
Science. Wow.
Rufus said,
August 15, 2007 at 18:07
You morons in the “Sun Truth” movement have no idea what we’re up against. We can’t afford to wait for the smoking gun that will come in the form of a nova. People all over this great land of the free are coming down with cases of sunburn everyday, clear proof that the Sun’s vile and illiberal ideology is in direct opposition to the Judeo-Christian values that we must preserve at all costs. Creeping Solarfascism is taking over this country by stealth, and all you can do is concoct lamebrained denials. If you all love the Sun so much, why don’t you ask the people of Mercury how great it is to live under Solarfascism’s iron fist? Liberals are all alike. They say we should try to “understand the Sun.” Don’t you realize that when the Sun wins, you’ll be the first to be roasted?
Ganesh Bengal Cat said,
August 15, 2007 at 18:55
*bat bat bat bat*
Swoosh! Nothing but net!
*bats detabulated option back to Qetesh*
Where’s Mehitabel? Doesn’t she want to play? I know Bobby is probably waiting for the dry food.
Detabulated options rawk! Much better than jingle toys, or even Teh Flying Feather Thing.
Also: If the sun melts things, I would be a molten pool of spotty fur. Obviously, these so-called scientists are totally fabricating stuff about the sun. Someone should yack up a hairball on their ’studies.’
*bat bat bat bat*
Dorothy said,
August 15, 2007 at 19:27
That option is not on the table. It has been detabulated. I think one of the cats grabbed it from the table and took it away to play with, so it could be anywhere now.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
Yah, I got yer option right here, bud.
The cats are now a nuclear power: god help us all. How long, do you think, until these cat criminals rule the world?
Penh said,
August 15, 2007 at 19:47
Maybe if all you liberal types had ever had real JOBS you’d know what a THERMOS is! It keeps hot things hot and cool things cool! How do it know? With a VACUUM! Yes, there’s a VACUUM in your thermos! And what is a vacuum? It’s SPACE! Yes, the SAME space that’s between US and the SO-CALLED “sun”!! The heat and cold are terrified of the empty abyss of void so they STAY INSIDE the thermos! EVEN IF this sun-thing WERE a gigantic SCARY BALL OF FIRE, how could the heat ever get to us!??! Hello! There’s a big SPACE VACUUM in the way!!!! Anyone with any logic in their brains knows that JESUS keeps Earth warm, JUST LIKE he keeps ATOMS from flying apart because of their INNER FORCES. All this arguing over WHETHER there’s a sun is just MORE evil PLOTTING by liberal evil to distract from JESUS!!@!
billy pilgrim said,
August 15, 2007 at 21:01
So what kept atoms together before Jesus?
Superglue? twist ties? A powerful sexual longing?
Righteous Bubba said,
August 15, 2007 at 21:13
So what kept atoms together before Jesus?
All I know is that it’s atom and Eve, not atom and Steve, hippie.
sonic said,
August 15, 2007 at 21:48
If the so called “Sun” is so damn hot, why is it colder when you climb a mountain.
Surely if the sun was hot the closer you go to it the warmer you would be, so logically the sun must be a frozen ball of ice.
Take that sun-huggers!
Righteous Bubba said,
August 15, 2007 at 21:51
If the so called “Sun” is so damn hot, why is it colder when you climb a mountain.
Because there’s SNOW there. Duh.
sonic said,
August 15, 2007 at 22:53
“there’s SNOW there”
Heard of PHOTOSHOP hippy!
Legalize said,
August 15, 2007 at 23:04
I’ve seen no evidence of snow on any mountain. In fact, some well-known proponents of the presence of snow on mountain tops recently went on a trip to a mountain, sponsored by the No Snow On Mountains Freedom Association. They came back changed men, declaring that there is in fact no snow on mountains. They even published their findings in the New York Times, a publication famous for promoting the pro-snow agenda, thus proving that the sun’s heat is projected ONLY on the tops of mountains, thereby further making global warming a hippy-induced fraud.
sonic said,
August 15, 2007 at 23:21
So the “politically correct view is the sun is hot,
Yet the temperature in space (where the “sun” is) is MINUS 269 CENTIGRADE*
Perhaps if you spent some time reading real books rather than Noam Chomsky you might get a clue America-haters.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 15, 2007 at 23:39
Heard of PHOTOSHOP hippy!
Dude, I WORK in a photo shop, on a mountain, and I can assure you that when snow falls it gets cold.
sonic said,
August 16, 2007 at 0:20
Breaking
Michelle Malkin is all over this, as is Ace of spades as Libtard claims to “work” in a photoshop on a mountain.
A reader writes
“I’ve been on every mountain in America and never seen a photo shop, who is this guy trying to kid”
Blackforce military bloggers have been hitting google and found not a sign of this alleged high altitude photo shop,. Mails to the editors of sadly no, the New York Times and CNN have produced no response.
Update
Reader, insaneloony 65, claims a photo shop on a mountain would have few customers as “It would be hard to drive to”
More to come.
grizzledmountaintopveteranpicturetaker said,
August 16, 2007 at 0:58
It just doesn’t ring true. Anybody that’s actually BEEN on a mountain knows you aren’t likely to find a Photo Shop. Where would they get film? Or chemicals?
I suspect this “Righteous Bubba” is merely another writer with ambitions, who lives in a valley, fabricating out of whole cloth these harrowing tales of photo processing at altitude.
grizzledmountaintopveteranpicturetaker
sonic said,
August 16, 2007 at 1:13
As for “Snow being cold”
Eskimos, who I assume know more about the issue that some candy assed Liberal, keep warm by building igloos from SNOW!!!!!
Another MSM lie bites the dust.
Righteous Bubba said,
August 16, 2007 at 1:47
Eskimos
Look, commie, if you’re going to take the words of Eskimonians over Americans I think we know where your sympathies lie. DEEP IN THE HEART OF AL QAEDA!
sonic said,
August 16, 2007 at 3:08
Oh no! exposed…….
Breaking
So called “Sonic” , not a real Patriot but in fact an UNDERCOVER TERRORIST LOVING ISLAMOCOMMUNAZI
Ace says “We knew all the time, he didn’t add up”
Michelle “How many more imposters are out there, Charles? Ace? me? Pam…are any of us real”?
Righteous Bubba said,
August 16, 2007 at 3:56
Eskimonians are known to congregate around the Al-Aska Mosque!
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
August 16, 2007 at 10:14
In fact there is NO SINGLE WORD FOR SNOW in Eskimonian.
Pere Ubu said,
August 16, 2007 at 14:13
Dammit, dammit, dammit, let’s not get distracted like a bunch of Dhimmicrats from the true menace of the SUN! All this arguing over snow is just leading us away from the threat of Solar Hegemony!
I’ve been drawing up some plans for a space-based anti-Sun particle beam since I was in high school, and with a little funding from the DOD and Homeland Security ($38 billion should suffice) I think I can solve this helioIslamic threat once and for all.
(What? You didn’t KNOW the SUN is in league with the Islamists?
Think about it! What’s their symbol? Why, a crescent moon! And why does the moon form a crescent in the first place? BECAUSE OF THE SUN! You see!? You see!? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!)
scott thomas-dot-us » Suing the nappy-headed-bloggers who defamed me said,
August 16, 2007 at 14:49
[...] it not for the courageous efforts of the gentlemen from Sadly, No! I fear all hope would have been lost by now. With their [...]
Rufus said,
August 16, 2007 at 17:44
If only Bill Clinton had been more interested in destroying the sun than deflowering underage interns, 9/11 never would have happened.
Rufus said,
August 17, 2007 at 0:19
That Sun is up there. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop - EVER - until we are all dead!