Fixing The Fred Thompson Facts

Ever wonder how those ‘Republicans-are-tough-guys’ memes get spread? You know, the ones that have Digby, Glenzilla and the folks at Media Matters pulling their hair out on a daily basis?

Sometimes, it’s not so difficult to figure out. Faux tough-guy Fred Thompson, for example, has been the beneficiary of a running series of Chuck Norris-type jokes, called ‘The Fred Thompson Facts,’ which has trickled up from the ooze of the wingnutosphere, metastasized in the neocon press and finally found purchase with mainstream GOP leg-humpers like Chris Matthews and the editors of the New Republic.

Produced daily by I.M.A.O., that shameless hussy of a blog which stole Jonah’s heart from us, the ‘Fred Thompson Facts’ have become a classic runaway meme, helping a ‘Hey! It’s That Guy!’-class actor transform himself into the toughest of the ruff-tuff cream puffs.

Frame, set, match: Wingnuts. . .right? Well, not so fast.

Far be it from us to mess with perfection (and really, that’s probably the least of our worries here), but we think I.M.A.O.’s ‘Fred Thompson Facts’ could use just a teensy, tinsy amount of tweaking.

(Not that we don’t have a begrudging sort of respect for the I.M.A.O.s of the world. After all, it’s sort of mulishly courageous to tackle humor as they do, from the opposite end of what is actually funny. Very few humorists can find comedy in the violent victimization of the marginalized by the overclass, largely because there isn’t any. But points to I.M.A.O. for trying. And even if their output isn’t — how shall we put it? — ‘funny in the slightest,’ at the very least it makes for a nice sort of homage to the Golden Age of Beer Hall comedy. . .a kind of living monument to the jackbooted stylings of those brownshirted stand-ups who, once upon a time, quite literally ‘killed’ at venues across Europe.)

So. Our new project, ‘Fixing the Fred Thompson Facts’, begins below, with a few that require our sprightly touch. After which we will take them one at a time, fixing each new ‘Fred Thompson Fact’ as it is produced by I.M.A.O., until they quit doing them out of shame, or Fred gets elected president, whichever comes first.

Fred Thompson Fact: Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions pronounced “nuclear” correctly.

Fixed Fred Thompson Fact: Fred Thompson has put on makeup on multiple occasions and done a line-reading of “nuclear” correctly.

acanthussmall.jpg

FTF: Fred Thompson has blasted more people in the face with a shotgun than even Dick Cheney.

FFTF: Fred Thompson is not a fan of Maybelline products. . .but then, not everyone has the naturally plump eyelashes of Fred Thompson!

acanthussmall.jpg

FTF: The reason Fred Thompson didn’t want to stay in the Senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: Prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers.

FFTF: ‘OMG! LETS TTLLY GO GT MAKOVRS!’ is a typical text by Fred Thompson to his BFF after a hard day of prancing about on a Hollywood set pretending to be tough.

acanthussmall.jpg

FTF: Every night before going to sleep, Osama bin Laden checks under his bed for Fred Thompson.

FFTF: Fred Thompson recommends La Roche Posay Rosaliac Gelee Micellar Make-up Removal Gel for older men who struggle with pore clogging, followed by a light application of Rosaliac Anti-Redness Moisturizer. But be careful! warns Fred. Rinsing with soft water may actually be counterproductive. . .better to use a splash of one of the better bottled mineral waters available!

acanthussmall.jpg

FTF: Fred Thompson took over what was Al Gore’s Senate seat, thereby dramatically reducing the Senate’s carbon footprint. Fred Thompson then created carbon offset offsets by wastefully burning hippies.

FFTF: Fred Thompson will be the first to say that not all cosmetic solutions have to cost an arm and a leg. . .just a few inches of belly flab! That’s right, Fred’s first choice in girdles is the relatively inexpensive High-Waist Control Nylon Panty Girdle from Emmuelle. And the best part? It’s also available in Spandex!

acanthussmall.jpg

FTF: Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator’s heart and showing it to him before he died.

FFTF: Fred Thompson once pretended so hard on a Hollywood set that he went through at least a fifth of a Cover Girl Honey Brown 515 eyebrow pencil during mid-scene touch-ups.

acanthussmall.jpg

FTF: All your base are belong to Fred Thompson!

FFTF: All your base and eyeliner and lip gloss are belong to Fred Thompson!

acanthuslsmall.jpgacanthussmall.jpg

 

Comments: 116

 
 
 

While Fred’s anti-terrorism credentials are harmed by his hiring of pro-terrorist Spencer Abraham.. your post is shameless smearing.

You all whine when people correctly point out how swishy John Edwards is.. but then you try to claim that Fred Thompson is gay. That’s clearly not the case.

 
 

It’s Gary! Now, my day is complete.

Fred Thompson is clearly not gay. In fact, I doubt he can get it up for any man, woman, or beast without a noxious cocktail of Cialis, Viagra, Miracle Grow, and Scotch. Served chilled in a martini glass with a garnish of Cuban cigar crumblin’s.

 
 

Where do we try to claim that Fred Thompson is gay? Is wearing makeup and girdles and prancing around on Hollywood sets gay these days? Fred Thompson does all those things … and he’s not gay!

 
 

Gary, are you denying that Fred Thompson has worn make-up? If so, he’s the only Hollywood actor never to have done so.

 
 

Fred’s good at putting on costumes, pretending to be tough and living in a fantasy world — and nothing else. I’m surprised he isn’t already part of the Bush administration.

 
 

Fred Thompson isn’t gay.

But he could probably pretend to be gay. He can pretend to be anything!

 
 

The fact is, Fred Thompson’s current wife has big boobies. So he couldn’t possibly be gay a K-street lobbyist anything other than a pickup truck driving hero.

Only terrorist loving libruls believe anything besides what the latest blast fax says.

 
LA Confidential Pantload
 

Hey, he pretended to be a senator for YEARS…..

 
 

I like the preview, where strikeout works. Apparently, strikeout is on strike once you hit submit comment.

 
 

Strike!

Strike Two!

And yer…

 
 

Ah Hah!

[s] [/s] is a poser that enjoys preview.

[strike] [/strike] actually delivers.

 
Hysterical Woman
 

I though Chuck Norris Facts were funny because of the outrageous hyperbole. Hell, you could say they make fun of machismo. In the end, Chuck Norris becomes an incredible dangerous asshole, not Presidential material.

 
 

Uh, you people need to think twice about making fun of Fred Thompson.

There’s a very real possibility that he could semi-convincingly impersonate someone who’s really pissed off and then pretend to kick the asses of people who vaguely resemble you in a setting carefully crafted to resemble Sadly, No! Assuming, of course, that there’s a stand-in available to do the actual pseudo-ass-kicking, that Mr. Thompson is not required to exceed his limited emotional range, and that Mr. Thompson is offered a suitable sum of money for his exertions.

 
 

I just want to say, really quick, regarding Clivagegate.
I finally found a picture of the offending outfit:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/19/AR2007071902668.html
I believe it took them a week to think to add one to the article. I just want to say: HOLY FUCKING SHITBACK OF CRAP!! That’s IT?! Jesus! I was expecting some kind of http://www.flickr.com/photo_zoom.gne?id=892369743&size=l hootchie top.
Go fuck yourselves, WaPo. NeoCon POS rag.
[/excessive caps]

Freddy’s a pussy even in the make-up world. You try wearing a fully body prosthetic suit made from 40 pounds of latex for 8 hours, boy-yo, then talk to me about being rugged.

 
 

Man, the republican campaign is the gift that keeps on giving. How fucked up does it gotta be when your last, best hope for salvation is Fred Fucking Thompson? My prediction. Fred will announce to great fanfair and sighs of relief. Two months later they’ll all be clamoring for Newt. Face it, repubs, when you elected idiot boy and the bringer of death to the presidency, you essentially lowered the bar to the ground. Now that they have disasterously fucked up everything from domestic legislation to supporting the constitution to world peace, they’ve assisted global terrorists and competing economies and they’ve put moderate US allies at great risk, the blowback has raised that pesky bar back up pretty high.

The democrats have responded with three quite viable candidates, with another in the wings. While the best the repubs can do is a bunch of racist crackers trying to out wingnut each other and a new yorker with blood dripping from his hands. The frustration must be horrible…

mikey

 
 

The gun part is going to be seeing how many 180 turns the Repub candidate is going to have to make once they win the party ticket. On one hand, in order to win the party nomination, you need to run on the biggest, genocidalist, Nuke-Mecca-ist platform. But to not be laughed off the ballot box for the real election, you’re going to need to look sane.

I don’t envy them.

 
 

Shit-damn. That’s supposed to read “the FUN part”.

 
 

Thompson hired Spence Abraham? Abraham is to politicians. . . well, what Fred Thompson is to actors, I suppose.

Those Fred facts aren’t even funny. What are they thinking?

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson’s gaze can kill small animals.

FFTF: Every time a republican masturbates, Fred Thompson kills a kitten.

FTF: At a campaign stop, a Belgian Hound tried to hump Fred Thompson’s leg. That breed of dog no longer exists.

FFTF: At a campaign stop, a Belgian Hound tried to hump Fred Thompson’s leg. That breed of dog no longer exists and its exclusive progeny are the Belgian-Basset Hound.

FTF: Webster’s Dictionary defines “conservatism” as “how closely one’s views resemble those of Fred Thompson.”

FFTF: Fred Thompson defines “conservatism” as “how much Fred Thompson can get away with whilst remaining an object for wingnut swooning.”

 
InsaneInTheCheneyBrain
 

It seems like a rip-off of the Chuck Norris facts thing, except, with the funny removed.

 
 

It seems like a rip-off of the Chuck Norris facts thing, except, with the funny removed.

Insane… like a fox.

 
 

Fred Thompson Fact: Fred Thompson has on multiple occasions pronounced “nuclear” correctly.

A tacit admission that voting for the guy who had has trouble pronouncing it wasn’t exactly a Nobel prize moment either? Or a complete inability to understand humour (including the unintentional kind)?

 
 

I invite gary to post below

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson’s gaze can kill small animals.

FFTF: Every time a republican masturbates, Fred Thompson kills a kitten.

strike that, reverse it:

FFTF: Every time Fred Thompson kills a kitten, a republican masturbates.

 
 

Fred Thompson has those icky Hollywood values…

 
 

n fact, I doubt he can get it up for any man, woman, or beast without a noxious cocktail of Cialis, Viagra, Miracle Grow, and Scotch. Served chilled in a martini glass with a garnish of Cuban cigar crumblin’s.

I’ve actually seen a dude order this; its called a “Lumpy Prostate”.

 
 

I think we need to get this page ranked higher in the “Fred Thompson facts” search hits.

 
a different brad
 

Off-topic x2-
1- Should I accept mistaken friend requests for Pam on Facebook? Tis a tough one to decide. Funny, but might lead to discovery. On the other hand, it’d be awesome for Pam to freak out about it.
OMG, wait, it gets better. It’s one Layla Elizabeth Gonzalez who’s requested it. As in the blogger. Heehee.
2- Somehow Pam has a couple pics from my current vacation at the family place in Lake Placid up in her Facebook photo album. I’m stumped as to how she managed it, but here’s a link. Just a couple shots from the boathouse, and one from the porch of the cabin.

 
 

Unsmoked. From the middle 50% of a Cohiba.

You can use the Peter’s 5-50-17 in place of the Miracle Grow, but you may want to read up on priaprism first.

 
Fluffybunnyfeet
 

TR said,

July 29, 2007 at 23:00

[italic]Gary, are you denying that Fred Thompson has worn make-up? If so, he’s the only Hollywood actor never to have done so.[/italic]

No, no – there was Saint Ronnie… Nor hair-color, neither.

 
 

Luckily old Fred doesn’t have enought to color. Too bad he doesn’t wear a toupee. That would make him tough like George Washington.

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson has blasted more people in the face with a shotgun than even Dick Cheney.

FFTF: If above is true (which it is not), Fred Thompson is a vicious, soulless murderer who deserves to be in prison. I don’t know why someone would say that about a person they wanted to be president.

 
Smiling Mortician
 

And none of that contact-lens-in-one-eye-so-he’s-always-squinting stuff either. St. Ron the Potemkin President, scotch-garded for your perennial enjoyment.

 
 

I think Fred Thompson has the upper hand in this election. He has that new President smell…

 
 

Man. “Conservative humor” is just depressing. I wonder if they’re aware that Fred Thompson is just an actor much like, say, Pee-Wee Herman. It’s like they’re proud of the fact they can’t distinguish reality from fantasy. Same thing with Reagan and Arnie or John Wayne, for that matter. Actors, y’all, not badasses. Most legit badasses look like hell by the time they get to Fred Thompson’s age, not like bassett hounds.

Matt T. Fact: I know a guy that once slapped the taste out of Chuck Norris’ mouth when said Hollywood badass was drunk and obnoxious to said friend’s girl back in the ’70s. Said ol’ Chuck backed down pretty quickly. My friend’s a pretty big dude, a former Marine and a legit badass. He also hooked up with Janis Joplin one night.

 
 

Did you miss our John Edwards facts?

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson once ended a filibuster by ripping out a Senator’s heart and showing it to him before he died.

FFTF: One time, in the Senate, Fred Thompson woke up, but everybody else had already gone home. So he did, too.

 
 

Fact: Fred Thompson and Fred Basset have everything in common: they’re both admittedly lazy, they resemble each other physically, and they’re both unfunny cartoons.

 
 

For a party that’s homophobic as hell, Republicans sure do develop man-crushes like I’ve never seen before.

 
 

Are those FTFs supposed to be funny? I think I understand now what it means to feel the burn of the stupid.

 
 

I suggest a fortune cookie approach to the FTF’s. They’re only funny if you append the phrase “…in bed.” to them. Or in this case “…in a TV movie.”

For example:

The reason Fred Thompson didn’t want to stay in the Senate for long is because all the extra scrutiny kept him from doing his favorite hobby: Prowling the streets at night killing drug dealers … in a TV movie.

 
 

Most legit badasses look like hell by the time they get to Fred Thompson’s age, not like bassett hounds.

Fuck…..

mikey

 
 

but but but Thompson hired an AY-RAB! Treason! Treason! Dhimmitude! He gets elected and next thing you’ll know we’ll all have to wear burqas while cutting off each other’s heads!!! ZOMG tehy is in our plitics kilin our doodz

 
 

It could have been worse; he could have recycled fun facts about Mr. T to obtain that position in Jonah’s bookmarks, right between the Little Debbie corporate website and a YouTube ‘Angie Harmon+naked’ search.

“He once threw Patrick Leahy helluva far!”

 
 

Fred Thompson’s wife is running his campaign because she brings a couple of outstanding assets to the table.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: He has in the past and does now wear a hairpiece. Not a cheap one, but a very very expensive hairpiece that was specially designed for him and fitted to him by an experienced beauty operator. Many actors, like Fred Thompson, have to shave and groom hair on the arms and neck and shoulders, in case they have to wear short sleeve shirts in a scene, such as the short sleeve shirts Fred Thompson wore in “The Hunt for Red October” and several episodes of “Wiseguy”. In which the character Paul Guilfoyle played had a homoerotic crush on the character Fred Thompson played.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: Those are indeed jowls on his face, and not stretch marks from trying to perform cunnilingus on a very rich socialite who shan’t be named.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: He attended the same fraternity “pig party” to which Bill Bennett escorted Janis Joplin. Bill has never said which fraternity brother won first prize for pointlessly humilating and degrading coeds, but Fred Thompson’s date was MoleMan.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: Backstage at a Hollywood event, Courtney Love and Andy Dick had a shoving/fight over Fred Thompson.

 
 

FTF: When Fred Thompson heard that Nixon thought he was as dumb as a stump, he crashed his car into the White House lobby, karate-chopped Haldeman and Erlichman, kicked down the door to Nixon’s office, ran in and tore Nixon’s head off and then shit down his neck. And Rose Woods swooned at the smell of his after-shave … in a TV movie.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: When exposed as having taken money and worked to expand the rights of choice to women seeking family planning services; Fred resorted to coded language to imply that he was only helping (wink wink nudge nudge) a co-worker, (and not women he was paid to represent) and he didn’t work very hard to receive the pittance of $5k. This is intended to deflect criticism from voters ‘who would do anything to end abortion’. Next week Fred will explain the billing records for his lobbying for the Virginia Pit-Embryo Breeding & Sporting Association.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: Some people in the film acting profession, like Fred Thompson, have their sphincters bleached to appear more…socially amenable.

 
 

This is the funniest this site has been in a month of forevers. Probably due to the rampant quoting of IMAO.

Keep it up. It actually makes your sites net humor quotient to a zero instead of a negative as per usual. The tongue in cheek (hah, I bet whoever made up that line wore makeup) insinuation that your fixed fact stuff is funnier is just so cute.

Toodles.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: There is no way, no way on this planet, that Mitch McConnell and Trent Lott and other ‘publican senators will allow Fred Thompson to get the presidential nomination. Its not his turn!!! If the ‘publicans have to go down next November, they will go down behind their own man. They are big believers in “whose turn it is”, just look at Bob Dole in 1996. Jack Kemp would have run a closer race, but Clinton was gonna win, so they nominated the stalwart whose turn had come around. This time, it was gonna be John McCain’s turn, but his own ego destroyed his candidacy. All he had to do was endorse the Iraq Study Group’s plan, and Fred Thompson would’ve gone straight to video.

 
 

a nice sort of homage to the Golden Age of Beer Hall comedy … a kind of living monument to the jackbooted stylings of those brownshirted stand-ups who, once upon a time, quite literally ‘killed’ at venues across Europe.

I just wanted to read that one more time, ’cause it’s so beautiful. And it’s so beautiful ’cause it’s so true!

As for Jabba the Thompson and his phans… are Gary and his fellow sub-minimum wage trolls pining for “President Cheney” because they realise at the back of their tiny little minds that Fred is just another actor whose most demanding job to date has been remembering scripts in exchange for money? (And, yes, I’m talking about his time in the Senate & on K Street.) Or do they believe they have a cunning plan to make Fred the Hutt look kinda almost like a semblance of a human being, in comparison to Darth Cheney?

 
 

Nascent religions are so interesting. I wonder if there is any Thompson fanfic yet?

Well, besides I.M.A.O. of course.

 
 

“Toodles”? I’m supposed to take humor criticism from someone who uses “toodles” indiscriminately? No wonder these dingbats think Fred Thompson’s a bad mama jama.

 
 

Hey, wait…IAMO is that bunch y’all got in the photoshop contest with, right? The bunch that did one pretty lame-o something or other, declared victory and then sort of scuttered off to the sound of much mocking laughter. Or am I thinking of another bunch of conservative comic geniuses? Can’t be that many running around loose; there’s only so many dead baby jokes, after all.

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson has such self-control that he has only laughed once during the entire five year history of IMAO… and it was probably at something Harvey wrote.

FFTF: IMAO has deluded themselves into thinking they are funny.

FTF: Newton’s Three Laws of Physics:
1. Object’s in motion tend to stay in motion.
2. For every action there is an equal but opposite reaction.
3. Don’t mess with Fred Thompson.

FFTF: IMAO failed physics.

And looking over to the equally unfunny John Edwards facts: (Shorter every single John Edwards fact: JOHN EDWARDS IS GH3Y LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!1!1)

JEF:John Edwards will not use cotton balls because they give him carpet burns.
[collaborative hat tip: reader Chris]

FJEF: Even with the help of their brilliant readers, they are still unable to be funny.

 
 

[…] weirdos and hippies at Sadly, No!, scratch that, a weirdo named D. Aristophanes has a post up about Fred Thompson.  I can’t make head nor tail of it.  So go read it for yourself.  […]

 
 

I recently switched over to teh old-school white-text-on-a-black-background look, and got a little surprise. Those little “leaf” graphics you use to separate teh individual gags from each other appear as little white boxes with the leaf graphic within them ‘cos, I’m guessing, their backgrounds aren’t transparent. Of course, if they were, they’d disappear against the black anyway. But, the current way is kinda ugly.

 
 

I liked it better when it was Jack Bauer. At least he’s not a real human being.

But then, by the time the wingers are done with him, Thompson won’t be either. Theirs’ is a world view that requires all fantasy, all the time. Juvenile horseshit about tough guys, cowboys, and drinkin’ buddies is what they call “presidential material.”

 
 

Isn’t Frederick of Hollywood kind of pussy whipped?

 
 

Ya gotta love them innertoobz.

Don’t ask me how I ended up there, but I stumbled into a Hollywood Fred fan site that makes Brownback’s folks look astute.

Good times, man. Good times.

 
Fishbone McGonigle
 

I just don’t get it. Fred Thompson doesn’t exude an aura of toughness to me. He can’t even convincingly act tough. Are the wingnuts really that desperate for a daddy figure?

 
 

From the site RubDMC linked to:

I picture him in a family setting looking at the baby and Jeri and thinking about their future. Can he do something to make it good if he is not around? He has money, so it is not that. It is love. Also he thinks, what I do for my family, I will be doing for other families. I am so confident he cares for every child out there.

I would bet anything Fred does not give two cents to live in the White House and face the folderol of the Presidency daily. Oh sure some of the trappings would turn anyone’s head, however I truly believe Fred is there to help the world. If it were not for his family he would not be in the race. Reach out and feel it. You can you know.

That is industrial-strength creepy. Hopefully this is the closest we will get to Fred Thompson porn.

 
 

Matt T.: You’re thinking of the right bunch. See this, that and the other, as well as these and those.

 
 

Was he one of the Thompson Twins?

 
 

I would bet anything Fred does not give two cents to live in the White House and face the folderol of the Presidency daily.

Which is why they want to elect him????

 
 

I would bet anything Fred does not give two cents to live in the White House and face the folderol of the Presidency daily

What the…Pastor Swank, is that you?! Your writings are character distinctive and recognized in a morning for stroking.

 
 

Folderol? FOLDEROL???

That is all.

 
 

IMAO (or as I like to call it, NAMBLA) couldn’t be any funnier if it tried. Imagine getting all worked up about the “tuffness” of a fat-ass Hollywood actor and fourth-rate one-term senator. Jesus Christ, I remember when some Republicans used to have a working set of balls. Now they’re just a bunch of pussies waiting for Daddy to come home, wipe their asses, and tuck them in to bed.

 
 

Fred Thompson Fun Fact: He attended the same fraternity “pig party” to which Bill Bennett escorted Janis Joplin. Bill has never said which fraternity brother won first prize for pointlessly humilating and degrading coeds, but Fred Thompson’s date was MoleMan.

Duh, MoleMan won.

 
 

[…] is the far left allergic to funny?  They just can’t do it.  This might be part of the reason why: Not that we don’t have a begrudging sort of respect for the I.M.A.O.s of the world. After all, […]

 
 

trust a conservative humorist to take something that is actually funny and make it not funny.

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson’s sheer willpower is so strong it can microwave a burrito.
FFTF: Once on a set Fred Thompson was given a microwaved burrito … and he complained to the caterer.

FTF: Even annoying yip-yap dogs are reverently silent in the presence of Fred Thompson.
FFTF: Basset hounds are reverently silent in the presence of Fred Thompson.

FTF: Fred Thompson doesn’t take “No” for an answer… unless the question was “What don’t I take for an answer?” Then you better correctly respond with “No” before Fred Thompson rips out your spine and beats you with it.
FFTF: Fred Thompson doesn’t take “No” for an answer … unless that’s what it’s in the script.

FTF: In 1994, Democrat Jim Cooper nearly came within twenty points of beating Fred Thompson in an election. Fred Thompson ripped out Cooper’s still beating heart for that audacity. Hopefully the Democratic nominee for President in 2008 will be wiser.
FFTF: In 1994, Democrat Jim Cooper nearly came within twenty points of beating Fred Thompson in an election. That was too much for Thompson, so he gave up, retired from Congress, and went back to Hollywood.

FTF: Fred Thompson carries a .44 magnum at all times. He calls it his “veto pen.”
FFTF: Fred Thompson once tried out for a part that involved carrying a prop .44 magnum.

FTF: Many claim that support for Fred Thompson is only because he acted like a gruff DA on TV. In reality, though, gruff DAs are all trying to act like Fred Thompson.
FFTF: Support for Fred Thompson is only because he acted like a gruff DA on TV.

 
 

I thought of the Chuck Norris stuff as funny because he was so patently lame that pretending he was heroic was similar to, I dunno, lionizing Ponch and Jon as hard-boiled.

 
 

Boy, liberals are really worried about Fred. Sheesh, he hasn’t even announced that he is running. So why are liberals getting their panties in a wad? Sounds like they are afraid of Fred kicking cHillary’s and B. Hussein Osama’s collective butts.

As always,
Your Humble Servant

 
 

Humble Servant said nothing conceivably funny
July 31, 2007 at 4:10

 
 

Righteous Bubba, you assume too much. I was stating the obvious. Something the reality based community has a tough time with.

Your faithful Humble Servant

 
 

Thompson fanfic.

eeew!

 
 

Uhoh, we don’t have a new troll do we?

 
Johnny Coelacanth
 

“Boy, liberals are really worried about Fred. ”

Sure, sure. We’re terrified of a retired one term senator / TV actor who has a 30 year old trophy wife, once lobbied for pro choice groups and has a reputation for being too lazy to do government work. Please don’t throw us in the Briar patch!

 
 

Wow…jumped straight to the the Putsch before any attempt at humor. Well, context is everything. I think you guys just answered Elvis (Costello, not Presley)…now I think we all know what’s so funny ’bout peace, love and understanding…your face!

 
 

Lame. Lefties really don’t have a sense of humor. Let’s examine…

IMAO: Funny fact
SN: Make up

IMAO: Another funny fact
SN: Make up. Make up.

IMAO: Different funny fact
SN: Make up. MAKE up. Make UP.

IMAO: Another different funny fact.
SN: Make up. Mascara. Make up. Eyeliner.

Wow. Now that’s some witty funny stuff. Well, sadly no, more to the point, lame as crap.

 
 

Well, sadly no, more to the point, lame as crap.

Wow, how can we hope to compete with such incisive, witty commentary?

 
 

you libtards can say whatever you want. you’re the one with pastels on your website, tough guy.

 
 

you’re the one with pastels on your website, tough guy.

Well, duh. We’re the gay lovers. YOU’RE the guys who shoot your friends in the face for fun. Remember?

mikey

 
 

Fred Thompson Fact: Fred Thompson is America’s Greatest Actor.

 
 

hehe. Looks like the minimum wage bill passed and the troll-traffic on this site shoots up. More than a coincidence methinks.

 
 

Fred Thompson Fact: Fred Thompson is America’s Greatest Actor.

Fixed Fred Thompson Fact: Fred Thompson is Hollywood’s Greatest Actor.

I rethought what I wrote above.

 
 

Wow. I just visited IAMO. Humor Removal Machine.

There is NOTHING

 
 

oOOPS…

NOTHING funny there.

 
 

So the Fred Thompson Facts aren’t funny, eh?

How about we try a “Sadly, No! Fact”

Hmm….

Once a website called “Sadly, No!” decided to make fun of the Fred Thompson Facts. That was the day it got more hits than it has had in the past year.

Sadly, they don’t work.

 
 

Mmm-hmm. And how many of those hits are from sites making fun of you?

 
 

Seeing as how you didn’t link to my sight, zero.

 
 

You’re affiliated with IMAO. Little else needs said other than this.

You should get your sight checked every year or so, you know.

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson’s gaze can kill small animals.

FFTF: Fred Thompson’s gaze can kill small animals. Most Republicans have to use their own hands, staples, scapels, or explosives and like to torture them first.

 
 

how is iamo claiming THEY are funny when they simply ripped off the chuck norris facts idea along with a shitload of the “facts”? “facts” which worked because they make fun of a TUFF guy moron that ACTS all badass in movies and tv shows, a point they seem to completely miss. i wonder how they interpret mom jokes.

 
 

asdfasdflkh,

Are you being ironic?

 
 

FTF: Fred Thompson’s so irascible, he once scowled at a guy, just for snoring.

FTF: If they ever make a movie based on Dana Carvey’s “Grumpy Old Man” from SNL, the title character will be played by Fred Thompson.

FTF: If Fred Thompson’s not elected President, the GOP will pay to have a new TV series where he pretends he’s President, just to show us how great he would’ve been.

 
 

I can actually believe that last one.

 
 

Fred Thompson ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

you people are all a bunch of fucking liberal faggots!

 
 

Hey, you know what they say, the more letters, the more true it is.

 
 

Fred Thompson will kick all your left wing asses!

 
 

No, he’ll hire a stunt double to do it. He’ll be getting his rouge put on in the makeup trailer while we kick the stunt double’s ass.

 
 

I encourage y’all to check out Fred Thompson’s macho ultra-conservative voting record at http://www.ontheissues.org

 
 

I think I scared all the libs off their own blog hahahahahaha!!!!! Fred Thompson 08 read it and weep you commie libs!

 
 

I think I scared all the libs off their own blog hahahahahaha!!!!! Fred Thompson 08 read it and weep you commie libs!

*sneers and goes back to ignoring you*

 
 

Come Jan 20 2009 all liberals will be deported along with the illegal aliens.

 
 

right wing : 1 left wing: 0

 
 

Abortion is murder, homosexuality is a sin, guns in the hands of the law abidind reduces crime and tax cuts fuel the economy. So long story short the right is right and the left is wrong about everything. And Fred Thompson WILL BE PRESIDENT!

 
 

And Rush Limbaugh is the Godfather of the NEW MEDIA! And the greatest political mind this great nation has ever seen!

 
 

Very nice site!

 
 

White Power!! LOL This crap reminds me of this skank who went to school with me named Jamie Wilksinon at Port St Lucie High School. Her brother is Steve Wilkinson. I thinkkk you remember. He was another wanna-be fake skin but anyhow. His sister ran her mouth all the time and finally someone jumped her at IRCC in Fort Pierce. I thought it was funny because she swore up and down she was a skin when she needed help but nobody believed her. She use to smell so bad like rotten fish or something. Anyhow white power bittches!!! Florida will be white again.

 
 

(comments are closed)