Comments on: Pastor Swank And Teh Writer’s Art

By: Matt T.

Matt T. — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 04:48:26 +0000

I think y’all are off-base. Swank’s reliance on “stroking” isn’t some sort of rhyming scheme. It’s his silent homage to the artistry of Clarence Carter.

Pastor Swank! Pastor Swank! Pastor Swank! Awwwww, SHIT, Pastor Swank!

By: Hysterical Woman

Hysterical Woman — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 21:52:00 +0000

I recall that with Jesus gone, we could do just about anything raucous for our school Christmas party.

And that’s where the stroking began.

By: Mysticdog

Mysticdog — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 19:21:43 +0000

““The women on staff went out of their way to stroke another woman who had made it up the ladder.”

You know, if there was more of this kind of congratulations among women, there would be no such thing as a glass ceiling:
“Dude! You’ve got to promote Rita today! She’s wearing that tight red V-neck shirt, and its miniskirt day for the girls in accounting!!!”
“Holy crap! Go get the camera, I’ll come up with something to promote her to!”
“Just give her my job, I’ll be fine!”

By: Fluffybunnyfeet

Fluffybunnyfeet — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 10:34:15 +0000

“What’ll it be next week—coking?

Poking”

Pastor Swank has quite obviously already been smoking…

And b-power? Yes, it’s the “…matter, matter…” patter-song from the second act of Gilbert & Sullivan’s “Ruddigore”. Let’s add plagiarism to the list of writing sins.

Dear god, I hope the man wasn’t actually teaching Creative Writing…

By: Lesley

Lesley — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:47:04 +0000

Gad, wouldn’t it be a hoot to sit through one of his sermons?

By: celticgirl

celticgirl — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 09:24:34 +0000

Can I just say a big Thank You to everyone who commented on this post – and a special stroke for the Master -Pastor Swank. I literally laughed so hard I cried. It’s possible I snorted like a pig in the process.

WAIT A SECOND!!! THIS GUY WAS A TEACHER??!!!1?2??%#$%^&!!!1!

Seriously, I really needed a good laugh. You all are the bestest.

By: Qetesh the Abyssinian

Qetesh the Abyssinian — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 08:12:43 +0000

Dafyyd ab Hugh. I thought this guy was hilarious BEFORE I learned he liked to dress up in badger suits and rub up against other nerds in badger suits.

Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers…

By: Qetesh the Abyssinian

Qetesh the Abyssinian — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 07:57:29 +0000

Mikey, the multiple-use phad thai is highly dangerous, and should be used only by the expert cypher-meister. Appropriate precautions should be followed to the letter.

By: Qetesh the Abyssinian

Qetesh the Abyssinian — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 07:56:20 +0000

Roanoking?

By: superfly

superfly — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 06:07:33 +0000

If we could find something they disagree about, a debate between Pastor Swank and Marie Jon would be incredible.

By: HairlessMonkeyDK

HairlessMonkeyDK — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 05:01:12 +0000

Swank Yoda-yodelling is, yes.

I’d love to see a Swank/Grogan ´08! third-party campaign.
The debates would be hilarious.
And Ms. Jon’ could be their spokescreature.

Hell, I’d love to see the writing of a Swank/Grogan lovechild…
It’d be pure AWESOME.

By: Ginger Yellow

Ginger Yellow — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 04:28:03 +0000

Damn you Travis. I almost made it to the end without snorting like a pig, but you got me with the stroking and the ladder and the flayvn.

By: AkaDad

AkaDad — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 00:14:16 +0000

I’m in ur blogz, making u giggle…

By: Twisted_Colour

Twisted_Colour — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 23:27:12 +0000

I’m just waiting for Dr. Benway’s entrance into the narrative.

By: Anne Laurie

Anne Laurie — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 23:17:55 +0000

Wait, WHAT???? Some bonehead let this guy teach ENGLISH???

It was a “school” for “troubled adolescents”. I think listening to Pastor Swank was part of their punishment. It’s a lot nastier than beating the kids with rubber hoses, and it doesn’t leave any physical marks. (Unless you count the welts where the poor kids beat their foreheads against a wall in an attempt to get the Swank-syntax out of their fevered brains… )

By: Senator Ted

Senator Ted — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 23:09:46 +0000

I recall going to the mall to purchase some English and math material from a homeschooling store…. Then I copied out on the school copier what was needed to teach English

Not only was there teaching and taughting, but there was copyright infringement! The pastor was Napster before Napster! (more rhyming).

By: JK47

JK47 — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 22:48:46 +0000

There’s nothing like a little P-Swank to brighten up your day.

My favorite Sadly, No characters of all time:

1. Pastor Swank. You just know he’s always going to deliver grade-A wingnuttery with his distinct brand of tortured Swankian syntax. Today’s column is proof of why he’s the greatest: he’s not even really talking about anything, yet the results are spellbinding.

2. Dafyyd ab Hugh. I thought this guy was hilarious BEFORE I learned he liked to dress up in badger suits and rub up against other nerds in badger suits. A true wingnut legend. The picture of Dafyyd with the sammich is the all-time classic S,N photoshop. It’s timeless.

3. Marie Jon’. I always get excited whenever Ms. Jon’ appears here. One time she actually responded to one of my posts directly. She called me a “very stupid person.” It was awesome.

Honorable mention: Kaye Grogan, Coach Dave

By: tigrismus

tigrismus — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 22:04:19 +0000

I recall going to the mall to purchase some English and math material from a homeschooling store…. Then I copied out on the school copier what was needed to teach English

Oh my sainted aunt, not only did he teach, he taught English.

The truly incompetent actually rise to the top.

Heh.

By: mikey

mikey — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 22:02:27 +0000

You’re JOKING!

mikey

By: Principal Blackman

Principal Blackman — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 21:43:16 +0000

What’ll it be next week—coking?

Poking