I Wanna Be Your Fudgehammer

You know, as much as the ever-increasing gaggles of anti-Muslim bloggers like to fancy themselves as lonely prophets — forsaken snowflakes scintillating from the radiance of truth-to-power before they’re melted by the harsh heat of political correctness — the more we see ’em, the more we think they’re hatching ’em in a creche somewhere in Orange County, cranking ’em out on the sevens like drive-time traffic updates.

Fudge Hammer!
Above: “I don’t watch the news. I make it.”

Our latest contestant is Foehammer’s Anvil. I know what you’re saying: Boy, Mister Leonard Pierce, that name sure does sound like something a guy might come up with who’s just spent many hours playing World of Warcraft and masturbating over what he remembers Seven of Nine looking like. And you’re right. But it takes a lot more than a willingness to rock an absurd self-granted tough-guy nickname to roll with the king snakes! Let’s see if he can bring it the way the authentic voices of the New Eliminationism can! How does Fudgehammer stack up in the compulsories?

SELF-GRANTED TITLE AS SOLE DISPENSER OF HARSH FACTS ABOUT ISLAMOFASCISM: Check! The subtitle of the blog is “Truth, not Islam,” which makes as much sense as “Cotton candy, not justice.”

LOTS OF FANCY-PANTS QUASI-SOCIALIST-REALIST ARTWORK STOLEN FROM OTHER SOURCES: Check! Get a load of Uncle Sam, there, gesturing just behind us and (naturally!) to the right, as if to say “That one there! With the five-o-clock shadow! Get him!

OODLES OF UGLY, DISTRACTING ADVERTISING LINKS: Check! Take that, Atlas Shrugs — no more store-brand cheese puffs for Fudgehammer!

SCADS OF IMPENETRABLE BANNERS, LINKS, NEWSFEEDS, MADE-UP AWARDS, AND DOOFY WIDGETS THAT MAKE NAVIGATING THE SITE NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE EVEN IF YOU WERE TO WISH TO DO SUCH A THING: Check! Among other things, at this site, you can map jihad (hint: a lot of it is in the Middle East!), look at a guy with a crescent moon on his cufflinks stabbing the Bible, discover that ISLAMSFORLOSERS is a top commenter, take a poll about whether or not the Democrats are pawns of “the Muslim Lobby in Washington” (hint: yes!), and join a group advocating regime change in Iran, which is sadly still necessary even after all of Michael Ledeen’s crackerjack reporting.

BIG GRAPHIC OF A TEMPLAR, JUST AS IF THE CRUSADES WERE SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF: Check, check, and double-check!

Unfortunately, once we get past the compulsories, there’s not a lot of verve in the actual performance. The blog entries themselves are a dull lot, consisting of nothing you haven’t heard before when Debbie Schlussel forgets to take her teeth out. Although there are a few fun entries (like the one where he approvingly quotes the guy who assassinated Gandhi and the one where he fawns over the burning in effigy of a dead man and pops a mini-boner while contemplating the possibility of an invasion by phantom Vikings), is mostly just boilerplate all-Muslims-are-evil mouse-talk.

But when it comes to an exaggerated sense of importance and a boatload of phony bravado? Hoo, doggies! Not since the heyday of Lord Spatula has such an impotent member thought itself so rigid. Right in the introduction, you get this gem:

You’re about to enter the fight in a way that most are too afraid to even discuss. This is not a site for the faint-hearted infidel, so if the idea of discovering the truth about Islam and the ‘Long War’ frightens you, turn back now.

Yes, simply by planting your big fat ass and reading some yutzo’s website, you are participating in the war on terror in a way that would shake most people to the bones with pure fright! Congratulations, fellow warrior! Once you’ve finished your campaign, why not head down my way and tell one of the ever-growing number of veterans with missing limbs what you did to help combat the forces of evil? I’m sure they’ll be super-appreciative!

It gets even better on his “About” page; that’s where he says he has to remain anonymous, not because he’s a candy-ass fatbody who doesn’t want his boss down at the Gulp ‘n’ Blow to know that he’s surfing the Net on company time, but to protect his loved ones from retaliation. From who? The Joker? It’s precious enough that this snack-cake fantasizes that actual Islamist terrorists check in on his relentless truth-telling daily, fuming — that they would put an end to his meddling once and for all if only they knew who he was! But when he gets around to daring Microsoft to put out a product called Foehammer so that he can annihilate them in a court of law, you know you’re dealing with a man whose opinion of himself is considerably more inflated than Chuck Taine. So, while our boy gets penalized for music with lyrics, and the judge from Syria gives him a mere 5.9, he’s good enough for the silver if no one else shows up.

crusaderrags.jpg

BONUS! While his site appears to be down right now, meaning that I’ve misspent yet another Friday night I could have been doing ‘caine off of a photo of Uma Thurman, he does have another site called “Foehammer On Guard!” (Coming soon: “Foehammer At Odds”, “Foehammer Unhinged”, and “Carry On Foehammer”), where he promises to valiantly document threats to our border security, possibly by using himself as a human shield to plug up holes in the Great Wall of Mexico.

Please don’t hurt ’em, Hammer!

 

Comments: 258

 
 
 

By the way, Fudgehammer’s site crashed WHILE I WAS WRITING THIS! I think I may have killed it with the power of my hate. I’m going over to Blogs for Bush and Town Hall RIGHT NOW!

 
 

You go there so I don’t have to . Thank you.

 
Auntie Occident
 

Foehammer’s Anvil? The first thing that comes to mind is Grapthar’s Krauthammer. Geez, though. I hope Foehammer (or Foeham, as I’ve just decided I like to call him) sticks around for a long time. Or not. Wingnuttery is a renewable resource, unfortunately.

 
 

Oh no he’s gone!
The muslims must’ve got him!

 
 

Oh, but he’s back! And ZOMG look at the forums. Who wants to bet that the only two other posters there are Foehammer alter egos?

Best forum thread title? For Sparta!

 
 

But lo, a sign appeared in the heavens, and Foehammer reappeared, saying

“verily, they tried to smite me, yet they could not, for I am stronger than a thousand infidels with Cheetos trying to infiltrate our borders and babysit our children.”

“Except when my mom says it’s time for dinner, of course. Then I gotta go.”

“But I’ll be back! Yea, verily! Forsooth, be of stout heart and oaken shield, and I shall be restored to you in your hour of need.”

 
 

I don’t understand any of this. Oh well. I’m taking my glass of sauvignon blanc and going to bed.

 
 

Indeed, it did crash while you were posting.

It’s back up now. I countered whatever happened, cause as yet unknown, but your level of hate has been duly noted.

 
 

Hate? Dude, we pity you for your obvious lack of a life outside of WoW and tentacle rape hentai.

 
 

Could it be? The mythic one, restored to us in our hour of desperate need?

It appears so. The paranoia, the overinflated sense of power, the mystery, the seething cauldron of postpubescent resentment, it’s all there. I do believe that we are witnessing the end times, and the Messiah now walks among us.

O joy! O rapture! To live in such times is indeed a wonder!

 
 

GAHHHH!! My eyes!! I made the mistake of going to both ForeskinHammer and Spatula City.

I’ll get you for this.

 
 

Are you sure you meant to say postpubescent, bemused? I think you’re probably being a tad generous there.

 
 

[Lost a bunch of text before, now fixing…]

 
 

I was gonna post “Truth not Islam, dude!”, but Fudgehammer has trademarked it. I don’t want to get sued.

It’s like getting a visit from a Larry the Cable Guy imitator! What a thrill!

 
 

Jesus balls! That is some of the most pretentious, god-awful, self-congratulatory, affectatious writing I’ve seen in ages. Talk about your mental masturbation – seriously, read some of the posts where he talks about how he’s bravely bringing the facts to you and only writing because you deserve to know the truth.

Parody site, yes? If not… Foehammer! In the name of Christ, I command you to stop blogging!!

All right – guess that takes care of that…

 
 

cause as yet unknown

More than five hits in a day, maybe?

Also, does Foehammer glow with a blue light when Muslims (or liberals, for that matter) are nearby? Cause that would be kinda cool.

 
 

Yes, please put it all together so my brief is more complete. I wouldn’t want anyone at my site to miss this opportunity for a lot of laughter.

 
 

I’m pretty sure the laughter at your site began long ago… long, long ago…

 
 

Umm… Mister Leonard… Foehammer wants you to do something with his briefs. I’d be a little concerned if I were you.

 
 

We all love to laugh, Hammer. And we can’t wait until you share with your other personalities our little joke, so we can all laugh together. But as far as helping you complete your briefs, you’re on your own, there, son. Maybe you should switch to boxers.

 
 

I thought liberals were supposed to be tolerant. But what they seem to do best is to pelt others with rocks and garbage.

 
 

[…] my site crashed right around the time this nice fellow named Gavin had these things to say about me on his blog. Coincidence, I’m sure; he hardly seems to […]

 
 

tolerant liberals are very pre 9/11 motherfucker. these days, putting up with the kind of shit idiots like dipthong asshammer puts out is simply not acceptable. these racist morons deserve the spanking they get here.

look douchebag, said it before saying it again: there’s a country that loves theocratic other haters like you: it’s called iran. move there forthwith.

 
 

Oh, brilliant. You all should take a look at that trackback. Foehammer is so going to burn on the author of this post… no wait… on Gavin! But not until tomorrow. When he’s had some time to dine on a hearty meal of Cheetos and Mountain Dew, and then wank himself to sleep think things over a bit.

 
 

I’m pretty sure the laughter at your site began long ago… long, long ago…

presumably in a galaxy far, far away? To mix my universes, by Grabthar’s Hammer, I believe we’ve got it!

 
 

Foehammer’s Briefs: Mister Leonard Pierce, We live in a cynical world, a cynical world, and we work in a business of tough competitors. I love you. You…complete…me.

 
 

Holy shit! What a layout nightmare! Just trying to scroll down that site brings poor Opera to its knees. How this was put together without Myspace-esque render errors is beyond me.

I really don’t understand why more people don’t just go with a simplistic and easy to navigate layout, re here or Billmon’s old page. If what you have to say is so important, why do we have to wade through a a million ads or links to only semi-useful features to read it?

Some suggestions, if I may:

1.) Make an ad column. That way ads are sequestered to one part of the page, as opposed to erratically intermingling with the rest of your content.

2.) Standardize your text/fonts. With the exception of the ad column, allow only 2 or 3 different text sizes (12/14, 16, and 24/26) and at most 2 different fonts. It’s harder to get ads that conform to this, but that’s what the ad column is for.

3.) Make a ‘Recent Posts’ column, so people don’t have to scroll down to see if they’ve missed any content.

Patless Mam can get away with this sort of shitty layout, because she’s insane and she sort of founded the idea of the political HTML-clusterfuck, but you, well, we’re going to have to see some more “Murder the ” rhetoric before the internet gnomes will allow you to have a site like this.

 
a different brad
 

I have to disagree on one point. No web page will ever be as chock full of crap as Pam Atlas’s. Ever. It makes my browser freeze up just to think about loading her main page.
As for Foehammer’s paranoia, according to his stats counter, down at the bottom, over 1500 of his monthly 9000 hits are from outside the US.
They know about him, and are watching. Mhm. He’s dangerous, all anonymous n thinking he’ll enjoy a moonbat infestation.

 
 

Please, Hammer, don’t hurt ’em.

 
 

I thought liberals were supposed to be tolerant. But what they seem to do best is to pelt others with rocks and garbage.

Dude, with that phrase, you’re so busted as an arch parodist.

 
 

Amusing. I assume you have no idea how I achieved the layout.

 
 

“But when he gets around to daring Microsoft to put out a product called Foehammer so that he can annihilate them in a court of law,”

..You mean like how he blatantly stole “Foe Hammer” from Halo, one of the best selling video games of all time and Microsoft nest egg? Damn, but that would be a learning experience that would pay for the price of admission and more.

“(Coming soon: “Foehammer At Odds”, “Foehammer Unhinged”, and “Carry On Foehammer”)”

“Yeoman of the Foehammer”, “The Last of the Foehammers”, “The Foehammer Bride”, “Three Foehammers and a Baby”, “From Foehammer with Love”, uhhh… “Foehammer versus Mothra”?

 
 

Amusing. I assume you have no idea how I achieved the layout.

“Achieved” might not be the word you’re looking for there, sport. It sort of implies that you accomplished something.

 
 

I thought you were going to sleep so you could deal with the muffin-headed kids on the morrow. Get to bed, mighty Foehammer. Your flaming on the morrow won’t be all that it can be if you don’t get your sleep, and that would be tragic.

 
 

Amusing. I assume you have no idea how I achieved the layout.

With a text editor, like the rest of us? Whatever ninja tricks you did to ‘achieve’ this is beyond the point.

Honda came out with the first Hybrid car a while back, and this was quite an achievement for them, but unfortunately it was fugly as hell (to say nothing of the hybrids since then), so the Insight floundered for a bit then disappeared from relevance.

I don’ really care if you called Karl Rove himself to design this site, or found it while translating text from the Rosetta Stone, it’s a drag on a moden-day browser and navigating it is awkward at best. Additionally, I’ll probably not find myself there after tonight, so I doubly-don’t care what you do with it. I’m just sayin’.

 
 

“Sport.” I think I’ll stay up a little longer and play.

 
 

Pretty sad that you missed the fact that a Recent Posts is at the top of the sidebar, Lebowski. It’s pretty obvious if you go look again.

As for your other comments, if I wanted to look like just every other damn blog, I’d have followed the template of this one here that I’m typing in now. Takes, what — 3 minutes to splash up a WP and generic template? Oooh. Impressive.

Oh, and thanks to you all for dramatically boosting my 2 AM hits. I love it.

 
 

Let’s go, make with the gangbang or I’m going to go get my beauty sleep after all.

 
 

Another sad kid who either doesn’t know there is a difference between people laughing with him and people laughing at him, or doesn’t care, as long as someone, somewhere, pays attention to him.

 
 

Hey, Foehammer, I got a question. Do you really, truly believe that the country that gave the world rock & roll, LSD and Jenna Jameson would roll just completely over for a bunch of poorly funded, badly organized frothing lunatics who spend as much time calling each other heritic as they do cursing the Great Satan? I mean, really, do you honestly think we – the land of internet porn, Big Macs and college football – are just a shade away from total subjegation by shira law within the next, say, 10 years? Really? ‘Cause that’s fuckin’ goofy, man.

I thought liberals were supposed to be tolerant.

And I thought conservatives were supposed to be tough he-man guys with thick skins and didn’t go whining everytime someone said something less than glowing about them. I swear to God, one of the conservative movement’s leading figures wishes for a terrorist attack to kill a presidential candidate because…hell, who knows…and none of y’all blink. But make fun of deluded fear mongers who take themselves waaaaay to seriously? Oh NOES!!! TEH HATE!!!

Feh. I can’t take conservatives seriously anymore, and I know that’s a bad way to be. It’s just…man. How in the hell can you go through life totally ignoring reality. I’ve been around people on peyote who had a better grasp on things than the garden variety wingnut.

 
 

Amusing. I assume you have no idea how I achieved the layout.

Opening up Dreamwaver and then dumping a sackfull of ether besotted cats on your keyboard?

Also, does Foehammer glow with a blue light when Muslims (or liberals, for that matter) are nearby? Cause that would be kinda cool.

In order for that to be true he would have to have read at least one book in his life. The smart money says he stole it from Halo, which would make the Microsoft thing doubly amusing.

 
 

A Templar? Ooh, he’s going to go all MEDIEVAL on our asses – somebody hold me! (For fuck’s sake dude, that is soooooooo 12th century. Try to drag your as into the present, ‘mkay?)

 
 

The less talk about Mr. Foehammer’s ass the better.

 
 

God, I thought David Rache was funny. I laughed and laughed. And a Danny Elfman theme for the show.

 
 

…or even 14th century. Ok, so sue me. But Fore baby (your name sounds like you’re going to do something quite rude to that hammber btw), I hate to break it to you but we are living in MODERN times. This is not a crusade, no matter how hard you wankers try to make it one…

 
 

@Matt T. : Instead of asking me a question like that, why don’t you actually visit my multimedia section, view a few of the featured videos, then go to my categories section and look for ‘Islam in America’. You’ll find out very quickly that it doesn’t matter if it’s 10 years, 20 or 100, the bottom line is, that if too many Americans think like you do, the Islamists will get what they are paying so dearly for right now with Saudi/Wahhabi oil money. But then, you probably only think this whole fight is about Americans wanting oil, not Saudis wanting to sell it for their own ends.

Much to learn, grasshopper, much to learn. And you can, if you actually open your mind and close your mouth for awhile.

 
 

” … no matter how hard you wankers try to make it one…”

One of the problems may be that this particular sort of wanker has a bit of trouble with the hard part.

 
 

@celticgirl: I like medieval. Something tells me you’re not too far from it yourself– celtic-girl. Are you naked wrapped in your own hair right now?

 
 

Are you naked wrapped in your own hair right now?

Yep … too many hours with the on-line gaming.

 
 

Pretty sad that you missed the fact that a Recent Posts is at the top of the sidebar, Lebowski. It’s pretty obvious if you go look again.

Sorry, I guess I missed that, seeing as it’s buried under a full two pages of adds and other garbage. I guess I was under the impression your recent posts were more important than a ‘FreeAuctions.net’ ad.

Or maybe you meant the ‘Top 20 Posts’ link, which is conviently situated under said ad without any sort of division to indicate that it’s not associated with ‘FreeAuctions.’

if I wanted to look like just every other damn blog, I’d have followed the template of this one here that I’m typing in now.

The point is not to look like nay other site on the internet. The point is to make your content as easily visible to any passerby.

 
 

And you would have done well to have put a comma after “naked” in your brilliant riposte.

 
a different brad
 

Actually, LSD was discovered in Basel, Switzerland.
And Foehammer?
I’m having trouble with the second to last dungeon in Zelda II. Any tips?

 
 

@celticgirl: Oh, I’m sorry, are you mistaking the Jihad for something else? The fatwas have already been declared and the evidence of it is in the bodies stacked up in Iraq, and under the tombstones from Beirut all the way to Afghanistan.

You’re probably not in their crosshairs just yet though, so you can afford to be a smartass. “Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.

 
a different brad
 

Also, Foehammer, I realize gamer girls pretend to like that kind of attention, but try to act older than 15. Identifying a female does not mean they wanna make out with you.

 
 

Fudger, Fudger, Fudger, you can relax. I am sure we’ll all get along fine without you bravely tapping your keyboard.

 
 

If Big Worm quietly won this thread, and nobody noticed it, would it still count?

 
 

Oh no, he’s brought up bacon. I can only assume that Play-Doh is next.

 
 

@Lebowski: Since you overstate things like that, I really know now that you have no opinion on web design worth listening to. If you’d like to pay my bills, there’s a donation button on my page. I’ll remove an add for every $100.

Until then, the only complaints I’m getting on the ads or anything else on my site are coming from one source — right here. Gee, big SUP-rise!

 
 

That’s actually the first thing I thought of when I subjected myself to a look at Fudger’s site; that he was doing a poor impression (or a parody?) of the inimitable Ace.

 
 

I’d like to know what I overstated.

 
 

Dude. You not only dodged the question, but you also tried to pump up your hit count to do so. Weak, very weak. But completely par for the course. Man, yay-hoos have been yodeling similar screaming terrors since 9/11, you do know that, right? If nothing else has happened, the last six years have given me less and less reason to pay any attention to terrified fearmongers because y’all all have been saying the same silly bunch of shit. And you all sound like you’re the only guy brave enough to offer this info. Seriously, have you never heard of Gates of Vienna or Adam Yoshida?

The one thing you said that makes any sense whatsoever is that I do indeed have much to learn, as do we all. But I find it impossible to believe you have anything new to teach anyone. But since you were so nice to give me some advice – and in such a non-condesending way, too, again par for the course – I’m gonna do the same: lighten up, Francis. It might never happen.

 
 

@page: Oh, don’t even go there. I have a B.A. in English, sweetness. If I want to dabble and play with a sentence, mesmerize you with my wit — perhaps languish on a phrase — I’ll do whatever the fuck I wish.

That happens to be the device of an experienced prose-smith, but you wouldn’t know that, or you’d never have made such a sorry attempt at a jab.

 
 

@Matt T.: You’ll never know how much I have to teach until you’re prepared for it.

That’s why I don’t waste my time expecting miracles in such company as this. I’ve only come for the argument.

 
 

OK. This has to be parody. A B.A. in English? My God, we’re dealing with a rare intellect here!

 
a different brad
 

A B.A.
in english.
Wow, that’s rare.

 
 

@Marita: You’re starting to catch on.

 
 

” … languish on a phrase … ”

You’ve got to be kidding me. I guess a “B.A. in English” ain’t what it used to be.

 
 

Fauxhammer “Network.” I see his “On Guard’ site went up in Jan 2007, & he got a comment in May 2007. Something about Hizbullah in Paraguay being about to come over the border.
God fucking damn, my undies & bedclothes have been wet w/ piss ever since 11 Sept. 2001. I wish they’d just actually attack us & get it over with so I can die like a man defending the virginity of virgins, etc. Or whatever it is. I have no idea any more. OMG, what if the Moooooslims & the Meskins (they both hate us for our rapidly disappearing freedoms) got together & came over the borders all at the same time? Oh, whimper, whine, etc.

 
 

I’ve only come for the argument.

You have no argument; and so, no one is arguing with you. You are being mocked.

I’m sorry, kid; with your type, that’s the best anyone can do.

 
 

@page: More likely the steroids in your mother’s milk addled that gray matter between your ears.

Or wait, more likely its the plants under the sunlamps in your closet. Am I warm yet?

 
 

@M Bouffant: Ooh, another lemming joins the parade. Yay!

 
 

You had to go for a ‘mother’ line, didn’t you? Well, I suppose you can’t expect much better.

But, the concern was about Strontium 90 in breast milk, not steroids. You could look it up.

 
 

@page: I think you’ve got things backwards. You can barely keep up with me, and I’m typing circles around..what..5 of you? And it’s past 3 AM here. LOL.

Pretty sad showing, I must say. I expected more venom, less gas.

 
 

Listen to this guy. He’s a regular Bodhidharma, isn’t he? Or L. Ron Bumquist one. Look out for jihadist in tea shades, teach. Their pants will be incrusted with semen from jacking off constantly when they can’t find a rape victim, ya know.

I can’t tell wingnut parody from the real thing anymore – hey, that Blogs for Brownback threw me for a bit – but I do thank you for the fun. Mission accomplished there.

 
 

Well, you’re to blame for the less than enthusiastic response, Fudger. You’re just not interesting enough.

 
 

@celticgirl: I like medieval. Something tells me you’re not too far from it yourself– celtic-girl. Are you naked wrapped in your own hair right now?

Foehammer’s P3nis: Uhh…huh huh huh…hey celticgirl…like what’re you wearing and stuff? huh huh huh…huh huh huh…

 
 

And we see the standard RightWingBlog style: stroll in; drop a few lame insults; declare yourself the winner; masturbate and fall asleep. It’s a classic.

 
 

@Matt T: Yep, have you dangling on my every word, and I’m even able to juggle comments out of the spam bin on my own site in the interim between comments here.

So tell me, are you tools actually used to just bludgeoning unwary bloggers or what? Why didn’t you do your research before tramping on my landmine?

 
 

You can barely keep up with me, and I’m typing circles around..what..5 of you? And it’s past 3 AM here. LOL.

A heroic feat to be sure. You truly are the Greatest Generation.

 
 

But Sophist, imagine if you put this character in Iraq, armed with his mighty keyboard? He’d have those IslamofascistMexicanloving bastards on the run.

 
 

@page: That’s funny, if I scroll up to the top of this page, it sure doesn’t look like cake, ice cream and kudos to me. Was I supposed to play nice with the trolls? I save my sweetness for the gentle readers at my own blog, not for the hooligans lined up here. You’re just some fun fodder before bedtime for me.

The scary part is, I’ll have my coffee and energy in the morning. I might just continue with a skip in my step and really get busy. (Especially if it continues to garner me the extra hits I’m watching right now. It’s all about spreading the truth, and you naysayers are helping in spoonfuls right now. Much appreciated!)

 
 

@page: Actually I prefer a sniper rifle. I don’t like having to run after people.

 
 

[yawn]

 
 

You mean I’m actually in the presence of an experienced prose-smith with a B.A. in English? I am suitably dazzled.

Do you think we dare hope he’ll tell us his SAT scores, too? Because that would be so hot.

 
 

Why do you hate America, Fudger? The American military does not have snipers; we have ‘marksmen.’

By the way, I wonder if you could tell the multitude assembled at your feet, what rifle is used for that sort of ‘wet work?’

 
 

But Sophist, imagine if you put this character in Iraq, armed with his mighty keyboard? He’d have those IslamofascistMexicanloving bastards on the run.

…writing blog posts in the interim between headshots. He’d be cheeto-stained juggernaut, with a B.A. in kicking ass. To the max!

 
 

LOL. ‘Wet work’ — wtf, are you a hitman?

And you were taking me literally? How gauche.

 
a different brad
 

Ann Althouse and the Perfesser had a kid, folks.
We’ve fallen for Foehammer’s vortex.
Hehe.

 
suburban refugee
 

So where exactly does this sterling example of manliness…or something get his marksmanship expertise?

Goldeneye? Halo? Halo 2? Silent Scope? Inquiring minds want to know!

 
 

In fact, anyone that has followed my comments from Jihad Watch all these years is probably giggling in anticipation of the sh**storm right now.

in its own way, this is kind of perfect.

 
 

“That’s why I don’t waste my time expecting miracles in such company as this. I’ve only come for the argument.”

The mark of a truly educated mind.

““Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.”

And that.

 
 

@suburban: Actually the range at 13. And I could clear the side in Counter-Strike back before that thing went retail and I quite shooters. I don’t own a console. Sorry.

Yeah, yeah, Foehammer is human — I do game on my PC sometimes. Gee-willikers!

 
 

Faux Hammer? Templars? BA in English? I call Fake Wingnut.

Y’all are too gullible.

 
 

And you were taking me literally?

No, we were taking you lightly. There’s a difference.

 
 

So, is there a hidden porn section to this site. It seems like that sort of place.

 
 

Fudger, why don’t you stop “gaming on [your] PC,” and start “gaming” in the Meat World? Or is that just a bit too scary for you?

 
 

Says the man who asks the first apparent female if she’s naked.

 
 

@kingubu: Shhhh!

 
suburban refugee
 

Don’t mess with Foehammer, he’s a game man, man!

 
 

kingubu, I begin to think you’re right; just another poor soul who didn’t get the memo: “Satire is redundant” in our times.

 
 

Another “lemming joins the parade?” I’m not in any parade. You & your pseudo-macho buddy boys will be the first ones over the cliff when actually confronted w/ a “turrist.” P. S. I’ve been opposed to all fucking religions, of which Islam is unquestionably one of the stupidest & most vicious, since I first gave the whole stupid concept much of a thought back in the late ’60s. Where were you before 11 Sept. 2001 made you pull your head out of your ass? Playing videogames while getting your B. A. in English from Bumfuck State Teachers College? Really, do you think there are a billion or so Islamists swimming across the Atlantic, Pacific, & Panama Canal with knives in their teeth? At this very moment? There are many more immediate threats to what little the Bush Administration has left of this country than several thousand fanatics on the other side of the world, most of whom don’t have two rials to rub together. But keep screeching in fear, so the Muslims here will decide to go jihad on you. People usually get what they fear the most, especially when they let everyone else know how scared they are, in their high-pitched girly voices. For Sparta, and all the fairy boys!!

 
 

@Sophist: Actually that was a reference to ancient Celtic warfare ritual, but yeah, I wouldn’t mind knowing if she was naked (unless she looks like Rosie O.).

 
 

@M Bouffant: Hey, a person who actually understands at least part of the puzzle.

As to where I was before 9-11? I was preparing to bury my father. The attack happened 10 days after he died of a heart attack in front of me. I was at the airport when the towers fell.

That part doesn’t go with the rest of this thread, but you asked.

 
 

And on that note, I will bid you all a good night.

 
a different brad
 

If he’s a parody, he gets good grades. True, he’s unusually engaging, but most faux wingnuts have issues with the masturbatory aspect, I’d say understandably.

 
 

Well, I didn’t mean literally where you were, I meant where was your staunch anti-Islamofascism. & try reading the rest of my item before you think I “get It” on your level.

 
 

And I could clear the side in Counter-Strike back before that thing went retail and I quite shooters.

Do what now? Mr. BA in English seems to have issues with extraneous “e”s. LOLZ

 
 

The attack happened 10 days after he died of a heart attack in front of me. I was at the airport when the towers fell.

Coincidence? I think not.

[But I will give you credit for the craven bid for sympathy, Fudger. You’re a class act, kid.]

 
suburban refugee
 

This is why I hate missing out on the Cold War. At least then the paranoid dumbasses could actually gibber and rave in fear about people who actually had weapons pointed at America. Now, they have to make up a threat, so they can live in fear like the good old days. Al Qaeda’s not enough, sure they can pull off some really scary shit every couple years, but they’re not a truly existential threat to the country. Even if you lump in other groups like Hezbollah and Hamas, (who certainly aren’t saints, but have never attacked Americans), or Iran it’s not enough. So it has to be Islam. It’s perfect, there’s over a billion of them, some armed groups scattered on a couple continents, you’re now free to piss your pants on a daily basis.

 
 

was preparing to bury my father.

And can’t you just see him, out there in the serious moonlight, tamping the dirt down over the father who, when he wasn’t beating him, ignored him?

 
 

@M Bouffant: I state “a part of”. I don’t even begin to assume you get it on “my level” — nobody here could possibly reach that high.

@J.A. Baker: And yes, I do suffer from a trigger happy finger that likes those damn e’s.

@Page: Sad that you would think so, but not unexpected. The “class” is all yours.

Now, truly, I am outta here. I know you’ll miss me when I’m gone, but you know where to find me. Try not to get banned.

 
suburban refugee
 

Actually, all I can think of is that episode of Lost with Jack’s father.

 
 

Now, truly, I am outta here. I know you’ll miss me when I’m gone, but you know where to find me. Try not to get banned.

This guy’s going to be even better than Blogs 4 Bush.

 
 

I’m voting parody. Honestly it’s impossible to tell these days though. He either does a great impersonation of someone breaking both arms patting himself on the back while slyly misspelling a two-letter word (“ad” – go English degree!) or he’s just the typical winger dumbass, really who can say?

Satire in our times is not merely redundant, it’s virtually impossible. “Serious” people make comments like that we should have killed every Sunni in Iraq between the ages of 15 and 35 – how do you parody that? Maybe clanging two symbols together repeatedly…

One thing that never ceases to amuse is that the people who are the most arrogant almost invariably have the least reason to be so. The music on his myspace does kick ass though:

http://www.myspace.com/foehammersanvil

Just kidding. It’s hilariously awful, I have to think it’s a joke. A friend of mine recorded a bunch of jazz standards using GarageBand 1.0 and all default instruments, maybe he was going for the same thing…lol. It literally sounds like someone with 6 months of music lessons discovered GarageBand and played around with it for 6 hours.

 
 

Are you sure you meant to say postpubescent… ?

There are some, like Fudhammer, who cherish their pubescent injuries well into senescence. Nothing as depressing to watch as another 40-year-old B.A. in English who’s still trying to pay the world back for all those phys-ed swirlies back in the tenth grade.

I thought liberals were supposed to be tolerant. But what they seem to do best is to pelt others with rocks and garbage.

From the looks of his site, “rocks and garbage” are his main construction tools. We’re sharing something he can really use. We’re generous, that way.

 
 

“Foehammer’s Anvil” – that’s some demented comic genius right there. Maybe you do have to be seriously fucked in the head to make the best funnies.

 
 

RandomObserver said,
– how do you parody that?

I’ve gotten to like “Cuckoo Cola” as a mark of insanity.

 
 

Also I’ve always toyed with the idea of creating either a crazy wingnut website or a site that makes IBTP look tame, just to see how far I could take it. You know, just outright call for genocide (of Muslims or men or whoever) and see how many people applaud. I think at some of these sites someone could literally quote Mein Kampf and be praised for it, especially if you’ve gone batshit crazy by degrees and built an audience first.

So if that is what Foehammer is doing I salute him and look forward to the big reveal.

 
 

Maybe Foepacker can share its ideas on heliocentrism with us.

 
 

foehammer’s on youtube.

 
 

Of course it’s hard to tell w/ MySpace, but it just might be a parody. His self-description is a little over the top. And that “music” sounded awfully “Latin,” w/ all that swarthy percussion. Plus he sure wasted a lot of time here (well, it’s all a waste, for all of us, but don’t get me wrong, it’s fun!!) may be trying to get hits as he is “advertiser supported.” (That is, a fookin’ whore.) And let’s face it, anyone who goes out of his way to say he has a B. A. in English may be making some mock there.
Just outta curiosity, Massa Len, how did you discover this? Just surfin’ for fools, or was it “brought to your attention” by someone?

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

You’re probably not in their crosshairs just yet though, so you can afford to be a smartass. “Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.

Oh, baby, will ya save my Play-doh as well?

 
 

foehammer’s on youtube.

OMG. The music he/she/it composed. I’ve heard better in a Metroid game. Seriously, this person might have a future in arcade game music composition.

If Fudgehammer wanted anyone to pay attention to that 5 minute long slide show of Koran verses, he might have picked a different soundtrack.

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

As to where I was before 9-11? I was preparing to bury my father.

Forgive me, but I just had to.

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

What I really wanted to say was this, but I couldn’t find a video version, so you’ll have to make do with a transcript.

 
 

Hey! I have a BA in Physics!!

I win the thread!!!!!!

Excellent. I knew that thing would come in handy sooner or later.

 
 

If you want outright advocacy of genocide against Muslims, check out American Jihad.

 
 

Dude, that is one ugly webslogthing.

 
 

I can’t believe no one has mentioned “Glamdring” yet, though to be fair I needed Google to help me remember. Halo, WoW, LotR – “Foehammer” hits the nerd trifecta!

Mr. Hammer’s hissy fits in the comments at that YouTube link are undoubtedly more entertaining than SNL will be tonight.

 
 

I have a B.A. in African History. That is even sort of relevant to the topic of Islam! I know I just got here, but perhaps I win the thread!

I am just excited because this is about the first time my degree has been useful to me at all… tragic, really.

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

GotDaFeevah, I think you get disqualified for being relevant. Me, I get disqualified for being a complete and total geek: I’ve got an honours degree in Maths. Woe is me, I never get invited to parties.

 
 

Qetesh and GotDaFeevah,

It is clear that I am winning the thread based on the vast enormity of my college degree (well, until Marita shows up). Also, since both of you have very clear writing styles, you don’t get any points for wingnuttery skills.

Sorry.

 
 

Damn! I did close that italics tag!!!!

 
 

Doodle Bean: “Enormity” means “heinousness” or “atrociousness.” I think you mean “enormousness.” Or maybe not.

Master’s in journalism, kids. Eat it!

(Do I get a framed certificate of some sort?)

 
 

In ur thred, infringing ur trademarks

 
Fluffybunnyfeet
 

“Foehammer’s Anvil” – that’s some demented comic genius right there.

FOEHAMMER’S ……**Anvil**???!

SOOOO a bottom…

 
 

The world doesn’t need anymore “Parody” Wingnut sites.

It really, really doesn’t…

 
 

While I understand the point of this article was to mock Foehammer’s website, his ideas are resonating. After all, are we not just reeling from the news that mass murder was planned in London? If it does turn out to be Muslims – and that is seeming to be more likely based on what I’ve read, anyway – that will add fuel to Foehammer’s fire.

You make that point yourself, Leonard, in your article. Foehammer is not alone, not by a long shot.

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

Doodle Bean, how about “the swollen, pulsating magnificence of my college degree”?

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

After all, are we not just reeling from the news that mass murder was planned in London?

No. We are not. From the sounds of it, the mass murder being allegedly plotted was plotted and executed in a particularly shoddy and inept fashion. Said mass murder was also prevented, presumably by some cheery bobby saying “Look, if I just stick my finger here…”

All in all, the threat was not great. Not great enough to make anyone reel (unless they were Scottish). And the English will deal with that the way the English have always dealt with it: by forensics and policing, rather than by bombing the bejeezus out of half a dozen innocent nations while shrieking in a petulant frenzy.

In fact, if we were reeling from anything, it would be the appalling atrocity currently being perpetrated on the innocent people of Iraq by the armed forces of Lord Dick. Several years of slaughter haven’t convinced anyone of anything, Osama’s dancing around in his cave trying to attract some attention, and thousands upon thousands of ordinary young men are becoming so enraged by the unwarranted aggression that they’re swearing vengeance on the US.

So the actions of the US are working to create the very situation the gubmint has been threatening the public with. The very model of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 
 

Should I even bring up what my degree is in?

 
 

I thought you majored in hockey, Marita?

 
 

Oh no, ITTDGY. Hockey was my minor.

 
 

Ok, I am late to the party, but the Crusader Rabbit graphic…

(finishes wiping coffee from keyboard).

That really needs to be added to the blog lexicon (bloxicon?). Do not despair, 101st Fighting Keyboarders! You have a logo!

 
 

After all, are we not just reeling from the news that mass murder was planned in London?

Can I try some Emperor Misha logic here for a minute?

If the British didn’t want this to happen to themselves, they should have thought long and hard before they decided to let their PM get into bed with George Bush. I mean, between the alcoholism and cocaine abuse, Bush is obviously a man with impulse control problems. And he made it clear from day one that he would do everything in his power to worsen the situation in the Middle East. I mean, sure, we should blame the terrorists, but don’t the citizens of the UK have any responsibility in this situation themselves? I’m not saying it’s OK that terrorists tried to kill people in London, but it’s sort of like walking down a dark alleyway at night in a short dress – if you ally yourself with George Bush and then get attacked by terrorists, you shouldn’t be surprised.

 
Fishbone McGonigle
 

You’re probably not in their crosshairs just yet though, so you can afford to be a smartass. “Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.

I hear this a lot from the keyboard kommando krowd, but they never explain how they’re going to save us all.

I wonder why.

 
 

Foehammer is not alone, not by a long shot.

You’re right. He’s part of the 27%ers. So, yes, he does have some company I guess.

 
 

Using the term “fudgehammer” is a HOMOPHOBIC REFERENCE TO ANAL SEX !! You must DELETE THIS POST IMMEDIATELY !!

Don’t you understand — the importance of opposing the genocide of a billion muslims PALES IN COMPARISON with the importance of right-wing chickenhawks not getting their fee-fees hurt with vulgar jokes !!

 
 

You’re probably not in their crosshairs just yet though, so you can afford to be a smartass. “Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.

I hear this a lot from the keyboard kommando krowd, but they never explain how they’re going to save us all.

Come on, Fishbone, get with the program. They’re going to type more words on their Mom’s Pentium 4. After all, haven’t we been told that bloggers in the U.S. are just as much on the front lines of the Glorious War on Terra as are the troops? That’s what Hugh Hewitt said, anyway, and if it’s good enough for Hugh, it’s good enough for me.

 
 

Don’t be patting yourselves on the back. Considering that a B.A. only has two letters, I am therefore the winner with my G.E.D….

 
 

Qetesh, my point is that the story is one of (probable) Muslim terrorism in London. I agree that the plot seems amateurish in the extreme, but that’s not the conclusion that many – most? – people are going to draw. The conclusion that will be drawn is one closer to Foehammer’s analysis, however puerile you may find it to be.

Jillian says that victims of terrorism have brought it on themselves, an opinion that is beneath contempt. I can tell you that you certainly don’t represent *this* liberal when you say such stupid things.

Ted, I’m not so much worried by the percentage of people that still support Bush (the 27%) as I am by the fact that this site seems to be whistling in the dark. Foehammer can use incidents like London to support his analysis.

 
 

I hear this a lot from the keyboard kommando krowd, but they never explain how they’re going to save us all.

WOLVERINES!!11!

 
 

I mean come on, homophones with Fauxhammer. Comes here and lauds us for upping his post count like some sort of prostitute.

Btw, BA in Physics? That is unpossible

 
 

Goldenboy, it sounds an awful lot like you are concern trolling. Your inability to grasp obvious sarcasm on my part only adds to that appearance. Concern trolls are the most boring trolls of all, you know.

And I never represent liberals when I speak. 😉

 
 

Ahem, Golden Boy.

Jillian said she was using Emperor Misha logic. Emperor Misha is a right wing nut job who favors extermination of people who don’t look like Emperor Misha.

Foehammer can use incidents like London to support his anal cysts.

Fixed your typo.

 
 

LOL, sorry Jillian I had no idea what you meant by Emperor Misha and didn’t look it up before I responded. My apologies. The meme that “terrorist victims had it coming”, closely supported by “let’s examine the terrorists’ legitimate grievances”, is one that is particularly pernicious and even well-meaning people need to be corrected when they espouse it.

Nothing on this thread has convinced me that you folks are doing anything other than whistling in the dark. If I’m not welcome I’l leave – no worries – just wanted to see if there was any intelligent discussion going on here.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

“perhaps languish on a phrase”
i’m glad that i’m not the only one to have noticed this.
i ain’t goin’ to his website, but i’ll bet a lot of his phrases are languishing.
at Fjordcrammer’s Anthill, they’re guarding against islamo-browno Langoliers scampering across our borders to enslave only the weakest amurricuns.
how will we be saved? some day, soon, the ghost of Woody Hayes will appear on all teevees and monitors simultaneously, he’ll say “Let’s get buttoned up and go!” and all wingnuts will pull their personal armour out of their hidden cardboard and the jump-capable dune-buggys will put them up and “ProtoJihad” will begin!!!

 
 

1) Sadly, No!

2) Don’t let the door bang yur ass on the way out.

 
shane's dentist's attorney's bookie
 

“…and the jump-capable dune-buggys will PICK them up and…”

… pick them up from their mommy’s basement, cheeto-encrusted basement…
bollocks…its unsaveable…rats

 
 

[…] of this comment thread at Sadly, No, comes the following gem from page: And we see the standard RightWingBlog style: […]

 
 

So, is there a hidden porn section to this site. It seems like that sort of place.

Maybe, but not on the first date, pumpkin seed.

 
 

As for your other comments, if I wanted to look like just every other damn blog, I’d have followed the template of this one here that I’m typing in now. Takes, what — 3 minutes to splash up a WP and generic template? Oooh. Impressive.

So you made your blog a pain in the ass to read and navigate? Real original! I give you an “A” for “Asshat”!!

Oh, don’t even go there. I have a B.A. in English, sweetness. If I want to dabble and play with a sentence, mesmerize you with my wit — perhaps languish on a phrase — I’ll do whatever the fuck I wish.

That happens to be the device of an experienced prose-smith, but you wouldn’t know that, or you’d never have made such a sorry attempt at a jab.

BAWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

A B.A. in English and you post up such trite poorly written crap that lacks any sort of critical thinking and analysis? Man, they really do hand out degrees to anyone these days!

 
 

Aw. I missed him.

And I have a B.A. in Theatre. with a 2.8 GPA

So I win!

 
 

God, I just visited his craptcular site. What a mess!!

He’s got a post up about the Glasgow airport car attack that’s awesome!:

Is there a chance the attackers might turn out to be IRA or Russian agents? Of course. What are the chances of that? .00001% roughly, but I don’t have Spock here to consult. The idea that these attacks aren’t being carried out by Muslim terrorists, this close to the 4th of July and the anniversary of the July 7th London bombings is, of course, as absurd a notion as Spock standing here giving me advice. Hopefully you get my point.

Dood, I am in awe! Who else would think of a rhetorical device like consulting a fictional science fiction character from the future as an expert on Islamic terra-ism?

Extra points for the use of the ubiquitous “hopefully”!

 
 

He does know that the Fourth of July isn’t a holiday in England, right?

 
 

Golden Boy said: “The meme that… “let’s examine the terrorists’ legitimate grievances”, is one that is particularly pernicious and even well-meaning people need to be corrected when they espouse it.”

No, by all means, let’s not listen to what the terrorists have to say, or try to find out why they may feel they have a beef with us. Why, what good would that do? It’s always better to operate in ignorance and just assume they hate us for our freedoms.

 
 

He does know that the Fourth of July isn’t a holiday in England, right?

I found that amusing, too Leonard.

But actually the terra-ists are more diabolical than you know. Not only did the attack evoke fear in England due to the national holiday of a different nation, it came 5 days beforethe actual holiday!

How more clear a message can the terra-ists send Britian?

 
 

Candy,

In regards to the question of whether or not the response of civilized society to terrorism (Muslim or otherwise) should be to consider their legitimate grievances:

I highly recommend that you read Herb Cohen. Yes, he’s primarily known as a commercial negotiator, but he has also been consulted by both the Carter and Clinton administrations during terrorist and hostage crises. Carter came to him for advise on the Iranian hostage crisis, and Clinton 15 years or so later in regards to the Tupac Amare takeover of the Japanese embassy in Peru. Cohen was briefly famous during the former events when he predicted precisely when the hostages would be freed from Tehran.

In any case, Cohen has both a concise definition of terrorism – hint, it’s not just anyone who opposes Western fighting forces as Bush and company would have it – and also some very clear insight into the goals of terrorists and what our response to it should be. To put it nto my words, one should not twist one’s hands and enquire anxiously what one has done to cause such offense ;). Treat yourself and read Cohen, I think you’ll like him.

 
 

Dammit, I miss everything. Is the degree contest over yet? I have a BFA and a JD. That’s almost 6 letters.

 
 

languish on a phrase

I think the word Fauxhammer wants is “linger,” not “languish.”

 
 

I have a B.A. in English

Hmm, that explains why he seems to have a lot of time to write bullshit on the Internets. Unemployment/underemployment does bad things to a person’s mind, as Fauxhammer illustrates.

 
 

one should not twist one’s hands and enquire anxiously what one has done to cause such offense

Like anyone’s suggesting that. Don’t be an idiot.

 
 

Wow, from his Glasgow post:

“Without even needing evidence we know there is a connection and we know why. The attackers are all Muslim and they are all waging jihad.”

This HAS to be a parody – “without even needing evidence, we know …” Fauxhammer just admitted what we’ve all suspected for the past 7 years – wingnuts care not for evidence, because no matter what the evidence tells us, THEY KNOW!

And then the train goes completely off the rails:

“Everyone should actually hope that there is a definite link between the attacks. Why is that? Well, if there isn’t a link beyond Islam, then everything I have been strongly pointing out for years here on the Anvil will be proven true: the enemy is Islam. Every Muslim is a time bomb waiting to go off and none of us are as safe as we were before 9-11 ushered in the era of Global Islamic Terrorism with a vengeance.

Yes, hope there’s an Al Qaeda-esque connection. The stark reality beyond that is much worse.”

Wha? Guh? I need teh Fauxhammer to parse this one out for me.

 
 

I dropped out of high school. So I don’t get to enter the contest. Or brag about my experienced prose-smithery.

However, I would like to point out that in Fudgehammer’s “related posts” to the Glasgow terror attacks, he has a link to the VA Tech shooting. So you even get to count your misses as hits!

 
a different brad
 

I have a B.A. in philosophy, an M.A. in liberal studies, will have an M.A. in philosophy come the winter, and eventually will have a PhD, in philosophy.
Does that mean I can have some free coffee?

 
 

I forgot to mention that I received top honors while earning my degree in B.S….

 
 

I dunno, “languish” seems to fit pretty well. Ah, well, I suppose a prose-smith feels he can beat language into whatever shape he wishes, even to the point of crafting overwrought bellows. Unless his degree in word-smithery is a forgery?

 
 

then everything I have been strongly pointing out for years here on the Anvil will be proven true:

He hasn’t just been pointing things out. he’s be STRONGLY pointing things out!

And it’s not just your usual garden variety Global Islamic Terrorism. It’s GLOBAL ISLAMIC TERRORISM WITH A VENGEANCE!

 
 

Gay Patriot is in my blogroll.

Foehammer | Jun 30th, 2007 at 2:01 pm

Although I wish this boy was a brilliant satirist, I’m beginning to think, sadly, no. But with lines like that, he may have a future in comedy as a straight-man …

Well, maybe not exactly straight, but …

Never mind.

 
 

My friend has a B. M.

No, you silly fools. From Berklee.

 
 

I totally dig the mental image of “languishing over a sentence.” Especially in reference to a sensitive prose stylist like Fauxhammer. It’s clear from his website that he’s virtually the Flaubert of wingnuts…

 
 

BTW, it’s actually a fairly easy thing to look for issued or pending trademark registrations using the U.S. Patent & Trademark Office’s Trademark Electronic Search System (TESS). And when you ask it to find the pending application for “Foehammer,” it tells you:

No TESS records were found to match the criteria of your query.

Our foe-y friend here may be developing common law trademark rights — probably limited to commercial uses in connection with running a website — but he’s just full of pure-D bullshit when he says that there is a “registration pending.” (Side note to Foe-boy: If you paid a lawyer to file your application, you might ask for your money back, cuz it ain’t been done.)

 
 

Yes, as a general rule, the PTO also requires a name and address when you submit an application.

The Islamist hordes might search for his application! They might even – GASP! – infringe! They’ll name their next children’s TV character Foehammer! He’ll look like a sailor-suited duck!

Also:.
>i>I don’t like having to run

I think that was self-evident.

 
 

Crap.

I don’t like having to run after people.

Where’s my snark now?

 
 

Goldenboy, it sounds an awful lot like you are concern trolling.

He must have gotten bored with being beaten up in the Salon letters sections.

Golden Boy hates Muslims. He’s made that clear over there. So yes, he is very much concern trolling. According to Golden Boy Muslims are a horrible, dangerous threat that we must do something about RIGHT NOW.

Funny to see him play the part of a liberal here. LOL. You know who Foehammer’s message is resonating with? Golden Boy.

 
 

Golden lads and girls all must,
As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.

W.S.

Because the evil Muslims blew them all to smithereens.

 
 

Degrees in philosohpy prepare one to ask the important questions in life.

Such as “would you like fries with that?”.

Degrees in english allow you to critique most harshly the sentence fragment above. Also, the dangling preposition. And the sentence fragment again. It does not, however, give you any useful skill with which to get yourself through life. It also means you’re screwed when Homeland Security finally gets around to designating the MLA as a terrorist group.

I, of course, get to make fun of y’all because I have a BA in history, which qualifies me to opine endlessly about how things just aren’t what they used to be.

 
a different brad
 

That’s philosophical generalists, Jillian. Mine prepares me to ask whether neo-Platonist x is being true to the Good in their metaphysics, and to hate Heidegger for having no clue what Nietzsche was on about. Big questions don’t interest me, as I think they’re usually formulated wrongly, and dependent on fairytale premises.
And I was taught to make fun of historians, but we’ll leave the scholar in the graveyard imagery to the pros.

 
 

Degrees in english allow you to critique most harshly the sentence fragment above.

Back when I was a student of humane letters (B.A. and M.A. in English from Prestigious School–no, those degrees never bought me a cup of coffee), they didn’t teach grammar. It was more about deconstructing stuff and things like that.

Eventually I had to go to law school to realize my dream of having enough money at a given time both to eat and pay my rent.

 
 

Back when I was a student of humane letters (B.A. and M.A. in English from Prestigious School–no, those degrees never bought me a cup of coffee), they didn’t teach grammar. It was more about deconstructing stuff and things like that.

DON’T SAY THAT WORD!!!! AIEEEEEEEE! IT BURNS US, PRECIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 
 

This was a while ago, Jillian.

 
 

Btw, BA in Physics? That is unpossible

Not at all! I’ve got one in chemistry. It just means that you went to a liberal arts school that didn’t grant a BS in your field.

 
 

I long for the day when an army of robotic mechaShakespeares rises up and attack the next MLA meeting with their +5 Sonnets of Total Devastation. I hope they have hands that shoot Rosy-finger’d Dawn lasers.

I’ll stop now.

 
 

A B.A. in theatre qualifies you to…I’m not sure what, actually. To flap one’s hands at the end of one’s wrist and scream “Wonderful!” at things you admire?

At least, that’s what all my mentors were doing….

 
 

Btw, BA in Physics? That is unpossible

Not at all! I’ve got one in chemistry. It just means that you went to a liberal arts school that didn’t grant a BS in your field.

Or it means you were totalled by a drunk driver during your last semester, forcing you to make a choice between taking the BA or waiting a year for the necessary courses to come around again (and how rusty would your math skills be after a year?). And, you know, since you weren’t working and not going to school, your loans were coming due and your application for relief was denied and the bills were piling up…

And MzNicky,

I meant what I wrote — although I also like Qetesh’s suggestion…

Finally, I still think I’m winning the thread. Master’s in Journalism, pshaw!!

 
 

*Sigh.* Back in the early 70s, I failed to finish my B.A. in — no lie — Creative Writing & Myth. If only I’d known the Repubs were going to take over the damn country, I could have made several fortunes…

Also, I wish Crusader Rabbit (& Rags) were available on DVD, or at least YouTube. You’d think Bill Watterson would be trying to make them more widely available, wouldn’t you?

 
 

Doodle Bean: “Enormity” it is, then.

And, as you see fit to scoff at my M.S. in the journalismic arts — well, I wasn’t going to mention it, but I’m almost a PhD. In “Communication & Information Science.” I don’t know why. I really don’t.

 
 

Doodle Bean: “Enormity” it is, then.

Dictionaries with less prescriptive tendencies allow the size definition. The correct thing to do is never use the word again.

 
 

“Degrees in english allow you to critique most harshly the sentence fragment above. Also, the dangling preposition. And the sentence fragment again. It does not, however, give you any useful skill with which to get yourself through life. It also means you’re screwed when Homeland Security finally gets around to designating the MLA as a terrorist group.”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure the New York Bar Association is on the terrorist watch list by now.

 
 

Righteous Bubba: I agree. That’s why I never use words like that. You never know when some half-assed pedant on a blog is going to get all red-penned on your ass.

 
 

Okay, that sounded weird.

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

MzNicky, didn’t sound weird to me. But then perhaps I’m also a half-arsed (I’m Australian, after all) pedant who likes getting all red-penned on somebody’s arse.

 
Qetesh the Abyssinian
 

GoldenBoy, I think I see your problem: your cited expert was talking about negotiating with terrorists by attending to their current demands. So, for instance, imagine I hold a plane full of people hostage and demand that the US immediately screen Tamala 2010: A Punk Cat In Space in every cinema for the next six months. You would probably be justified in ignoring these demands (although it is a very good film).

However, it does behove one to look at what drove the terrorists to terrorism. Why? Well, perhaps because you want to prevent the creation of more terrorists. So in this case, a sensible person would look at all available evidence and reach the obvious conclusion that Middle Eastern people are getting thoroughly pissed off at the way the US bombs countries and kills innocent people. As Chomsky says, “How do you reduce terrorism? Easy, just stop participating in it.”

 
 

O.K. MzNicky,

You’ve made me feel quite contrite. How about if I keep ‘vast enormity’ but you get to win the thread?

Deal?

 
 

Hang on, I want to win the thread! Eight years in grad school has to count for something!

 
 

I’m confused. Do we win by our degrees being more useless or less?

 
 

I’m confused. Do we win by our degrees being more useless or less?

That’s a good question! Those aren’t the only options, though. There’s also the most letters (like akaDad claiming GED). There are a lot of possibilities, really.

Hmmm… I bet I could win for longest degree field. My mom has the worst time when she wants to tell people what my degree is in.

Maybe we can come up with enough categories so that everyone can win the thread in their own special way. Unless they have a B.A. in English, of course.

 
 

I claim lamest fail: an F in jogging in the last year of phys ed requirements at a state university.

 
 

That takes a rare talent, Righteous Bubba! You must be terribly proud.

Here is my entry for most gratuitously long degree field. I also might be in the running for prettiest diploma.

(Bwa ha ha ha ha!)

 
 

Marita,

Damn! That is a fine-looking diploma and long degree name! How about if you win this thread, MzNickey comes in second (and I give up ‘vast enormity’ as a consolation prize). I guess I could settle for third without losing any sleep.

Does that make everybody happy?

 
 

I have no problem with a multi-way tie. I think ‘vast enormity’ should, at the least, win some sort of special jury prize.

 
 

Whoever wins… “foehammer”?

WTF?

 
 

Oh geez, I missed so much since I was up in GLASGOW for work yesterday. I guess Faux is gone now, so he’ll never know for sure if I’m naked and wrapped in my hair or not. Oh well…

BTW, for those of you playing at home, the media here in the UK are not freaking out and the people are not sitting around wetting their pants over the London/Glasgow events. They’re – get this – GETTING ON WITH THEIR LIVES. I know, can you believe it?

I must say, I do luuurve this:

“You’re probably not in their crosshairs just yet though, so you can afford to be a smartass. “Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.”

Uh, did I mention that I was just in Glasgow YESTERDAY? In the afternoon? Or, that I’m an AMERICAN? I live here by choice. Yeah, go ahead and save my bacon big boy. I use that airport all the time, been in and out of that very entry more times than I can count. Guess what? Still not pissing myself in fear. I guess the terrorists lose after all…

And since you’re so enamoured of my nic (yes, I have to use the local spelling conventions because of my work so sue me again), I chose it because of the general bad-ass take-no-prisoners nature of Celtic women (i.e. kicking ass and taking names). They’re the ones who taught the men the mastery of weapons and the art of battle, etc. You might want to bear that in mind , hammer boy. Did I mention that in my prime as a personal trainer I could leg press 750 pounds? But please, by all means “do”‘ save me…

 
 

“You’re probably not in their crosshairs just yet though, so you can afford to be a smartass. “Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.”

Why not now? If not now, when? Uncle Sam Needs You, Foehammer! Enlist, damn it — you yourself understand the urgency better than anyone!

 
 

Crusader Rabbit can be found on Google Video.

At Toonpedia
The first glimmerings of Crusader Rabbit came when Alexander Anderson Jr., a nephew and employee of animation mogul Paul Terry, tried to interest the Terrytoons studio in producing cartoons for the fledgling television medium. When Terry rejected the idea, Anderson approached a friend, Jay Ward, who was then a successful real estate agent, to provide financing. Ward provided more than just money — as it worked out, he and Anderson were equally responsible for development of the series. It was test-marketed in 1948, as part of a oneshot titled The Comic Strips of Television. Another segment of that show was Dudley Do-Right.

Crusader’s basic formula was simple — humorous adventure stories told (by narrator Roy Whaley) in short episodes, with cliffhangers, about a little smart hero (Crusader Rabbit, voiced by Lucille Bliss, who many years later was the voice of Smurfette), a big dumb hero (Rags the Tiger, voiced by Vern Loudon), and an inept recurring villain (Dudley Nightshade, voiced by Russ Coughlin). Ward would later become famous for another animated TV series with that very same formula — Rocky & Bullwinkle.

It’s very very strange and seems to me to be from a parallel universe.

 
 

While we’re on the topic of unintentionally hilarious wingnut blogs, I’m astounded that The Iron Scroll has yet to come to S,N!’s attention.

 
 

I think I have some insight regarding the low quality prose: Shithammer’s B.A. is from Regent University. There really is no other explanation for the combination of low-content, high-style drivel spewing from his keyboard. Let’s try out a motto, shall we?

At Regent University, our B.A. in English does for writing what our J.D. does for the law.

Hmmm… credentials

Corporal, USMC
B.A. Sociology
Ph.D. Communication Studies
Reverend, Universal Life Church (does that count?)

 
 

You’re probably not in their crosshairs just yet though, so you can afford to be a smartass. “Wankers” like me and my fellow Americans will save your bacon yet again when the time comes.”

Yes, I’ve contemplated this statement a while, and the first question that occurs to me is “Save my bacon? By doing what?” Running an ad for Coulter’s book? Linking to LGF? Delivering pizza?

And – “yet again”?????

I’m really not aware that my bacon (AND my play-dough) has been jeopardized before and saved by some cheeto-stained English major pounding his…er…keyboard..

 
 

Hmmm… credentials

Doesn’t that make you: Rev. Cpl. Doc Johnson? You might want to adjust your screen name accordingly.

 
 

Ho-Kay. I gotta say, the over inflated sense of his own importance and intelligence is just priceless.

First of all–he STILL couldn’t figure out that Leonard was referring to his comment on Gavin’s post and NOT the post itself. FoeCrammer’s reading comprehension skills are pathetic, to say the least.

And then he (and his one fan) are chortling over how he taught the S,N! crew a lesson with his comments on this thread. And all I can wonder is exactly what lesson did this goofball teach anyone? How to bore liberals to death?

I mean, his comments were sooo dull and banal. I would have loved to have riffed on them, but they weren’t good enough to do that even!

If it’s guys like these standing between us and the terrorists, we are so friggin screwed.

 
 

The whole idea of an internet posting being some kind of important watershed moment is ridiculous.

I mean, we all have fun here, of course. But the idea that someone is “beaten” by something somebody else writes in a post is just silly.

There’s a false dynamic to it, too, that is evident is some combative posters, where they conclude that if the gauntlet they’ve just thrown down to someone isn’t responded to, it MEANS something.

Uh, no. It just means that someone went to work or dinner; logged off to watch TV, got interested in something else, went out to play.

If it’s guys like these standing between us and the terrorists, we are so friggin screwed.

But, mikey! he’s going to save your bacon!

 
better than you
 

“Check! The subtitle of the blog is “Truth, not Islam,” which makes as much sense as “Cotton candy, not justice.””

makes perfect sense to me. Islam is untruth. As in, it’s false. But of course, Sadly no bloggers can never say so. You’ve made your bed so securely in the islam camp you risk losing an appendage by saying that the oppression of women and suppression of all other religions is not an admirable universal truth. No you must instead make is more and more and more innocous until you are so confused by suggestions that Islam is not Truth that you can’t even make sense of the accusation.

Sadly, sadly no bloggers would defend the innocence of islam and the villainy of “the west” until the very moment their own head was chopped off their body in the name of Allah. Thankfully, no thanks to sadly no, that will probably never happen because saner heads will see to the destruction of the enemies of the west. And sadly no will sagely shake their collective virtual heads at the shameful defense of the west. Stupid bloggers.

 
 

better than you said

Oh did he?

 
 

Thankfully, no thanks to sadly no, that will probably never happen because saner heads will see to the destruction of the enemies of the west.

God, I cannot stop laughing. Who would those “saner heads” be now, exactlly? Dumbya? Dick Cheney? Bill Kristol? Jonah Goldberg? Fauxhammer? How’s that war in Iraq going, anyway? Or the one in Afghanistan?

Do you assholes ever get tired of being wrong? Scum.

 
better than you
 

great points z. how’s that trip to glasgow going? do you assholes ever get tired of blowing Allah? Pussy.

 
 

better than you, I can’t understand what you’re saying because your hands are covered with Iraqi blood, not to mention all that cum from jerking off to George Bush speeches for the last 7 years. You’re a fucking joke and you need to fuck off.

 
better than you
 

More great points. a salam malakim and all that. But you must understand, your liberal overlords require you to value my presence here. Fairness doctrine after all.

 
 

I’d wager the majority here, being mostly secular and pretty atheistic, doesn’t give two toots for Islam, and thinks all religions are lies, but even so has a hard time blaming an entire group for the actions of a few and treating the clearly innocent as though they shared the guilt of those proven to be criminals. I bet they also don’t feel it required to value the presence of those with nothing of use to say who strive to say it rudely.

 
better than you
 

Yes well I’m certainly all broken up about you veiled threat of impending booting from this paradise of a blog, tigris. But pleading atheism doesn’t take your collective genitalia from the bed I mentioned above. The original poster is obviously so confused by the notion that islam is not truth that he or she couldn’t even derive meaning of a snarky comment. Oh yes, of course he or she really could, but couldn’t, you see, on account of being so buried in the one side of that particular argument. Same trap you sadly sad bloggers always fall into. West is bad, Islam is an enemy of the west, what does that make islam to you?

I think it’s rather clear what it makes islam to Sadly, no. Sadly, allied.

 
 

I just love it when a wingnut uses the “oppression of women” as an excuse to declare genocide.

And: The “fairness doctrine”? You mean the FCC policy for broadcasters that got disappeared sometime during the Ronnie Ray-gun years?

Dumb fuck.

 
 

Sorry, wrong. Stupid racist wingnut bedwetters have no value. Not here, not on this planet. But I’ll waste a few hundred bytes.

Idiot. It’s not about “Islam”. It’s not about “Allah”. Every society oppresses women, including your own. Suppression of other religions? Can you tell me an islamic nation without a christian segment? You can’t, because they all have one. And oh, by the way, aren’t you guilty of exactly that with your hatred for Islam? Or are you too stupid and self-involved to notice your own hypocrisy?

No, this is about us. The kind of society we want to be, the society we want to build. It does not include torture, detention without due process, extrajudicial killing, or genocide. Now I don’t think that a bunch of third world assclowns without an air force, a navy or strategic weapons is much of a threat to America. They can kill a few folks, but we’ll get better at preventing that, and if we figure out that we can live in the global community without killing, destroying and exploiting the other nations, meddeling in their politics and stealing their shit, then peace might even break out all over.

Now you, asshat, may think that America is so weak that we cannot defend ourselves against foreign military aggression, but I know otherwise. So all you are, it turns out is a scared little boy with race issues, and bin Laden’s tool. He knows all he can do to us is spread terror, and hell, youngster, you’re doing his work for him.

So cry and wail all you want. There really is nothing to fear, and therefore, there is no reason to murder millions of your fellow human beings. Dumb fuck…

mikey

 
 

There’s no threat, sweetpea, just pointing out that you were wrong about more than one thing. And I highly doubt anyone was confused about anything, except perhaps you. No one claimed Islam is true or good, or the west is bad, or anything you assert. A statement was made implying that referring to Islam as untrue made no sense because truth and religion are incongruous. Next time you don’t understand something, maybe you could ask for clarification before attacking.

 
 

I think the first of Mr. Better-Than-Nobody’s many mistaken notions is his belief in the existence of objective “Truth.” If he contends that “Islam” is “not Truth” (and setting aside the fact that no one here said it was in the first place), then he must have something in mind that “is.” “Truth,” that is. Which would also be incorrect, because, as I mentioned already, objective “Truth” does not exist.

There. That should take care of all of his subsequent bleatings.

 
 

the oppression of women and suppression of all other religions is not an admirable universal truth.

Sounds like something I’ve heard of before…..oh, wait:

http://www.patrobertson.com/

saner heads will see to the destruction of the enemies of the west.

How’s that working out for them, then? Were they planning to get around to it soon, cause it looks like Bush and Cheney aren’t quite meeting their goal. They’ve been creating a lot more enemies of the west and killing a lot of people who weren’t enemies.

your liberal overlords require you to value my presence here.

pleading atheism doesn’t take your collective genitalia from the bed I mentioned above

Yes, Our Dark Lord Kos mandates we spend a certain number of hours laughing our asses off.

 
 

Sounds like better than you said and Fudgehammer need to get together for an awesome LAN WoW party. Afterwards they can fall asleep in each others arms listening to those old Nuremburg speeches.

 
 

Exactly, G! I hope my overlord Kos is happy with the laughter which has pealed from my lieberal lips everytime I visit this thread! rAmen!

And MaryC,

The lesson of the hammer is that Marita has a pretty degree and a really long speciality. We never would have known that (I think) if the hammer hadn’t come a-preening!

Finally, Rev. Cpl. Doctor,

How about you take third and I just content myself with my vast enormity?

Everyone happy? Good! Let’s worship the rabid lambed Kos!

 
Herr Doktor Bimler
 

the hammer hadn’t come a-preening!
Now i is confused. The hammer is the thing with feathers?
I was going to make a joke about the yellowhammer or Emberiza citrinella, but that could be taken as an imputation of cowardice, which would be incivil.
Someone might be able to make a joke about ‘ball-preen hammers’. Needs work.

 
 

Foehammer???

another fucking basement dweller who thinks that playing too much HALO makes him “battle hardened

 
 

The return of Ducksbreath–

“I have a Masters Degree–in Science!”

Gotta be good for something, if way the hell late.

 
 

The return of Ducks Breath–

“I have a Masters Degree–in Science!”

Gotta be good for something, if way the hell late.

 
 

preview my dyin’ ass. and how the hell can I edit while it’s posting? I’m not that bright…

 
 

I wonder if they’ll ever get to the Truth and Reconciliation.

 
 

I don’t know about records. “They pelted us with rocks and garbage” was what David Letterman announced, way back in the show’s run, would be their new catch phrase on “Late Night.”

 
 

[…] Sadly, No! » I Wanna Be Your Fudgehammer June 30, 2007 at 8:54. Another sad kid who either doesn’t know there is … But I will give you credit for the craven bid for sympathy … taking the BA or waiting a year for the necessary courses to … http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/6368.html […]

 
 

[…] start lashing out wildly. I get attacked quite regularly here (and even elsewhere on the Net) by self-righteous, blind and often false “do-gooders” that think peace is won by doing nothing. I […]

 
 

[…] speaking of crazy assholes, let’s see if our old buddy Foehammer has written about Barrack Osama’s dastardly ties to the Demon Crescent. Uh-oh! It […]

 
 

Great tip for your teeth! Its exactly the answer I was looking for! Will you post more about this?

 
 

?Great Post Thanx.

 
 

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What are the applications of Multimedia ?

 
 

Thanks for the link to Foehammer’s site. Maybe he’ll provide a link to your crap site as a Thank You. Going to scrub my puter memory of this crap site now.

 
 

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