Shorter David Broder

Cheney Unbound

broderoffice.jpg
Above: Broder plots the shifting center

  • The now-weakened Dick Cheney was actually quite a danger to the Republic all this time: Allow me formally to denounce him.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.

 

Comments: 24

 
 
 

Who’s next?

It’s not just a cherished Boomer album anymore.

 
 

Heh, so, in the same week, two of Canape Journalism’s most deeply embedded– Sally “Don’t Call Me Martha” Quinn and Broderella– decide to say in print what everyone else has known for years.

Looks like the “Old Families” have decided to pull the plug on Fouthbranch’s heart machine.

 
 

Secrecy was one of his tools and weapons, and his lawyers

Our chief weapon is surprise…surprise and fear…fear and surprise…. Our two weapons are fear and surprise…and ruthless efficiency…. Our *three* weapons are fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency…and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope…. Our *four*…no… *Amongst* our weapons…. Amongst our weaponry…are such elements as fear, surprise…. I’ll come in again.

 
 

[…] Fri 29 Jun 2007 David Broder: Wanker Extraordinaire Posted by John O under Political  Sadly, No! does it right. […]

 
 

Canape Journalism

Confit the afflicted? Afflict the comestibles?

 
a different brad
 

How is this column not further proof Broder truly does not deserve his job?
One of the most connected men in the world needed to read a series in his own paper which ihad been brewing over a year to get a clue about something Helen Keller’s skull realized about 6 years ago?

 
 

Boy, was I wrong.

Gawrsh, who could have known that this Cheney fellow was such a scamp? Sweet bleeding Jesus… Broder is impossible to parody.

Looks like the “Old Families” have decided to pull the plug on Fouthbranch’s heart machine.

So it seems. But I think that Broder and Quinn and the other mandarins are going to find that they have no control over this administration of maniacs.

 
 

What the hell has be been looking at this whole time? Wait, wait, wait. I don’t want to know….

 
 

[I]t has turned out to be altogether too liberating an environment for a political entrepreneur of surpassing skill operating under an exceptional cloak of secrecy.

Well…duh.

 
 

hvjh

 
 

Goddam it, Thunder, I hit that link thinking it would be a scene from The Crow. You know, swallowing .45 rounds with shotz, and hollering “Fire it up, Fire it up, Fire it up!!”. Dammit, I coulda got behind all that shit…

mikey

 
Smiling Mortician
 

Dunno. Liked it better when I thought the headline was Cheney Unboned. Just me, huh?

 
 

is that really broders office? witha dornan campaign flyer and teh osama dead or alive poster????

for real?????

 
 

Mr. Broder was also shocked, SHOCKED to find gambling going on in Rick’s nightclub.

 
 

WTFing kind of a “centrist” has a “B1 Bob” Dornan poster on his office window? Does he need that extra-large waste basket ’cause it takes about 150 rough drafts before he comes up w/ something legible or centrist-sensible to print? And if he’s so worried about Bin Laden, where have all the columns about the gummint’s failure even to look for him been? He could put a line @ the end of each column: “X days since Bush promised to ‘smoke out’ Bin Laden.”

 
 

Looks like the “Old Families” have decided to pull the plug on Fouthbranch’s heart machine.

Or at least they’ve decided that saving the Oval Office for the Repubs is going to require a more substantial human sacrifice than Scooter and Gonzo combined. And, to say the least, “substantial” and “Dubya” are not a defensible combination. The Quinn/Broder “They’ve trashed the place and it wasn’t their place” anti-progressives seem to be realigning behind the meme that Republicanism didn’t fail America, but a certain select subset of Republicans may have failed Republicanism.

I’d worry about this re-framing more if I thought they had any chance of blasting Darth Cheney out of his undisclosed Oval Office location. He’s dug in like an infected tick, and it’ll take more than all the Conventional Wisdomers’ silver-plate cocktail-weenie tongs to dislodge him now.

 
 

David Broder might benefit from headlines from my tenure at National Lampoon and from just before I got there:

SAY POPE CATHOLIC, in the NY Daily News style.

PATTERNS OF URSINE DEFECATION, from Psychology Ptoday.
RELIGIOUS ORIENTATION OF THE PONTIFF, from the same.

 
 

Great. The first half-dozen lifeboats have been rowed away, half-empty, the liner is five degrees down by the head, and this clown just recalled that first-class salon chat he overheard from Ismay, urging the Captain to ignore those ice warnings, and jolly well put on more steam for the dash to New York, the record books, and glory. (Fine, upstanding chap, that Ismay. He’d never trash our place!)

I know this is right ungentlemanly of me, Sir David, but I’m giving your butt a shove into the cold North Atlantic on this dark night, and taking your privileged place in one of the remaining boats. My impoverished family in the Old Country needs me alive and working in Brooklyn, where my cousin has a job waiting for me, and the failures of your doddering ruling class won’t stop me.

 
fool with a pool
 

He’s dug in like an infected tick, and it’ll take more than all the Conventional Wisdomers’ silver-plate cocktail-weenie tongs to dislodge him now.

Never use tongs. You’ll dismember the bastard and leave festering bits still inside.

The way to dislodge a tick is to lay the tip of a burning cigarette on his ass and he backs himself out, nice as pie.

 
 

WTFing kind of a “centrist” has a “B1 Bob” Dornan poster on his office window?

The kind of centrist who compared Bush to Lincoln. Broder’s ‘centrism’ has long been pretty much just a garbled, watered-down Republobabble, though he doesn’t seem to be aware of how far he’s wandered into the fever swamp of the right.

A lot of the media aristocracy seem to have quite genuinely lost its grasp of what’s going on around them. Broder’s take on Cheney is pretty breathtaking, but Sally Quinn’s recent piece was downright surreal, with its dreams of a delegation of Important People flicking away this irksome Cheney character like dandruff from an evening gown, so that Bush can heal our troubled nation by appointing the soothing Fred Thompson.

Speaking of surreal, that picture of Mark Noonan a few threads down is messing with my brain real bad. Those eyes, man, those eyes…

 
"Oh Stewardess, I Speak 'Nut"
 

“The Adventures of Foulmouth Fourthbranch”

(Foulmouth Fourthbranch concept inspired by KingUbu, completed by WeikuBoy)

Shorter Dean of East Egg: Ol’ Deadeye Dick may be the most dangerous nutjob to prowl the corridors of the U.S. government’s undisclosed locations since Dr. Strangelove and Gen. “Buck” Turgeson — but we can all rest easy knowing the nucler trigger is solely in the capable hands of the Black Sheep of the Bushes of Kennebunkport.

 
 

Guess this mean no more invitations to Karl Rove’s ranch in the Texas hill country.

 
 

Liked it better when I thought the headline was Cheney Unboned…. 🙂 i thought it really was…

 
 

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