Tonight At Noonan
I turned on the TV and there was a show on about solving crimes through forensic procedures.
This has proven a reliable indicator as to whether there’s something silly going on today over at Blogs For Bush.
Above: Ma-wa-wark Noo-woo-woonan of Blah-wah-wahgs for Boooshkpfthp
They’re loony, you know.
The Defeatists are Wrong
By Mark Noonan at 01:30 AMAnd Victor Davis Hanson explains why – I won’t quote it; you critics will have to go read it yourselves. If you have the courage to do so.
Posted by Mark Noonan at June 28, 2007 01:30 AM
Jinkies! Okay.
Winning After All
Despair is not an option amid the present chaos.[F]or all the doom and gloom we are making amazing progress. If on the evening of September 11th, an outside observer had predicted that the following would transpire in two years, he would have been considered unhinged: Saddam Hussein gone with the wind; democratic birth pangs in Iraq; the Taliban finished and Mr. Karzai attempting to create constitutional government; Yasser Arafat ostracized by the American government and lord of a dilapidated compound; bin Laden either dead or leading a troglodyte existence; all troops slated to leave Saudi Arabia — and by our own volition, not theirs; Iran and Syria apprehensive rather than boastful about their own promotion of terror; and the Middle East worried that the United States is both unpredictable in its righteous anger and masterful in its use of arms, rather than customarily irresolute and reactive.
Somebody is certainly masterful in his use of lotioned hands, as it were. Oh wait, sorry — that was the Victor Davis Pericles Scowcroft-Clausewitz Michigan J. Frog McHanson column from June 20th, 2003. That was back when the nabobs and defeatists were predicting an insurgency in Iraq, whilst Hanson was expelling great lungfuls of wind declaiming of newly-pigmented schools and righteous military anger — so glorious to the American heart, yet so pettily unvaunted by the weak-chinned and soft-muscled media.
[calendar pages fall like leaves]
Welp, let’s catch up with old V-for-Victor:
Our Enemy’s Attrition
Reasons to reexamine the Middle East’s negative prognosis.The majority opinion is that the occupation in Iraq has been so bungled that the blowback has ruined American efforts at promoting positive change throughout the Middle East.
Perhaps.
It’s not immediately clear why Noonan is so excited about this thrilling call to glory.
But for all the justifiable criticism of the Iraqi reconstruction, two truths still remain — the United States is taking an enormous toll on jihadists, and despite the terrible cost in blood and treasure, has not given up on a constitutional government in Iraq.
I.e., we created a whole lot of new ‘jihadists’ in Iraq, but we’re in thier base killin thier d00dz. And, if Iraq had a functioning civil government and Hanson had some bread, he’d be making a sandwich anent a constitutional republic, if Iraq weren’t in wreckage and he had some meat. I’d like to say as well that I haven’t given up on the Beatles reunion, nor on the rightful supremacy of the Commodore Amiga. Ni cxiam havi esperi! That’s Esperanto for “We always have hope.”
[…]
With oil prices at an all-time high, Iran can’t provide gasoline for its own people, who resent the billions spent instead on Arab terrorists abroad. If oil were to dip from near $70 to $50-55 a barrel, the regime would face abject bankruptcy. For all the criticism of the U.S. position, from the left and right, we have now found the right blend of military determination not to let Teheran go nuclear, combined with economic and political efforts at containment. There is an array of future options — stronger embargoes, blockades, and military strikes on infrastructure — still on the table. The social unrest the mullahs desire in Iraq is starting to spill over the border into their own Iran, and its magnitude and final course are still unpredictable.
So basically, leaving aside the various millions or billions that Iran is supposed to spend on terrorism (the evidence for which always seems to be around the next corner), pace Hanson, we’re driving Iran into an energy crisis in order to get them to stop developing nuclear weapons a nuclear energy program which many claim without any evidence to be a secret nuclear weapons program. Their refusal to give up a weapons program that they claim doesn’t exist should therefore, considering the lessons of Iraq, amplify our resolve to conduct military strikes and other acts of war, in order to destabilize the…
Maybe this is what Mark meant when he said we should read the column if we had the courage to do so. Even after four years of Hanson’s plummy-toned flatulations on Iraq, it’s still like staring into a blinding flash of quantum stupitrons. He’s really that dumb.
Mark 1
Gavin 0
I think the scoring has been going on longer than that.
Mark 5
Gavin 1
???
Psycheout gets at least 2.
“all troops slated to leave Saudi Arabia — and by our own volition, not theirs; ”
Isn’t that.. the .. same thing with a different name? “You can’t fire me, I quit”?
“The social unrest the mullahs desire in Iraq is starting to spill over the border into their own Iran, and its magnitude and final course are still unpredictable.”
So… the Iraq thing is going SO BADLY that it’s starting to spill into neighboring countries.
I’m kinda mentally at the point in Hitchhikers Guide where the B Arkers declare war on the next continent (“Declared war? There’s no one even living there!” “Yes, but there will be one day. So we’ve left a bit of an open-ended ultimatum.”), blow up some military installations (trees), and interrogate a gazelle.
In other news. I just got a bottle of Bacardi, and am trying to consume it in a variety of ways over the coming weeks. Screwdrivers leave me warm and mildly giddy. Mojitos are my next endevour. I just need me some mint.. and limes.. and soda water… sugar I gots.
There is an array of future options — stronger embargoes, blockades, and military strikes on infrastructure — still on the table. The social unrest the mullahs desire in Iraq is starting to spill over the border into their own Iran, and its magnitude and final course are still unpredictable
As much as I hate to give even the appearance of a smidgeon of agreement with teh H4n50n, I realize that I’ve been coasting on my success of predicting all the bad stuff that’s happened in the Middle East since the “new product” of ’03. That was 4.5 years ago. Of course, there are still dipshits arguing that there are WMDs in Syria and we’re winning, and all that. It’s hard to move on when significant portions of the dead-enders are still shouting the slogans of half a decade ago, but I realize that I haven’t given a thought to ’08 in the M.E.
So what now? Is Iran in the process of overextending? Are the various insurgencies in Iraq going to keep killing each other, or will one or more collapse?
I need to inform myself and stop reading rightwing fucktards, and give a thought to the ways they could be wrong in the future. What do y’all think the next year or two will bring?
Psycheout is penalized 25 yards and 3 points. In addition, Gavin gets a free throw, and Psycheout must spend three minutes in the penalty box with a very large, very drunk woman with low social inhibitions named Thor.
So Hanson is saying that we’ve fucked up, but it’s a really, really brilliant fuck-up that will ensure our ultimate triumph.
Any day now.
“[F]or all the doom and gloom we are making amazing progress.”
If I were fighting, say, kidney failure and needed a boost to my emotional state, this might be a good belief for me to embrace, hang on to, realistic or not. But if my doctors were relying on Pollyanna fantasies like that rather than looking with a cold, clinical eye on how to fix me, I might jump out the window.
Last year I did survive – barely – unexpected kidney failure. Fortunately, my nephrologist wasn’t either Noonan or Hanson, cause I’m fine now. They probably would have prayed me into the grave. But at least I wouldn’t be sucking dick any longer! There’s a plus!!
If… an outside observer had predicted that the following would transpire in two years
Blistering barnacles! Troglodyte! Coelenterate!
Sorry about the incivility, but when people use ‘transpire’ as simply a pompous way of saying ‘occur’, I cannot be responsible for my language.
Someone should confiscate VDH’s collection of “It Pays to Improve Your Word Power” columns — that would shut him up. Or charge him heavily for every time he writes about “X being predicated on Y”.
Hee hee.
Pyscheout is making the rounds 2nite. That guy is a genius.
I read one of the right wing blog that was capping on Glenn Greenwald(for being gay, or something). The comment was along the lines of: ‘Glenn Greenwald cannot hold a candle to VDH’s brilliance’.
I felt sad. Mostly for VDH. Do these people actually exist solely for our edification? I mean really?
Sometimes I think Jeebus delivered teh wingnuts just to make me feel intellectually superior. Or something.
Pass the cheetos!
And Victor Davis Hanson explains why – I won’t quote it; you critics will have to go read it yourselves. If you have the courage to do so.
It’s a fair cop. Often I really do lack the courage to read a Victor David Hanson essay. This is akin to my cowardice in the face of drinking an entire bottle of gin and sticking my head into a cathedral bell right before Mass.
New drinking game — I’m about to trawl through VDH’s old columns. These are the rules: A Mort of whisky each time he says ‘predicated’… a hit of Blackwoods Gin for every sentence containing 5 or more semicolons…
I may be gone some time.
Dok: enough w/ the latinate, already!! Stick w/ good ol’ Middle English: “happen” does just fine.
As far as VD goes: Five & a half years on, those “birth pangs” of Iraqi democracy are still panging, but not birthing so much, the Taliban & the warlords are still fighting it out in Afghanistan, Arafat is dead & Hamas is in charge in Gaza, bin Laden is still an unfortunate inspiration to millions of Muslims, dead or troglodyte (and has seen his goal of Yanqui troops go home achieved in Saudi Arabia) Iran, Syria & Hizbullah seem to be holding their own, & our “unpredictable righteous anger,” combined with our “masterful use of arms” have fugged up the Middle East beyond belief. “Masterful use of arms,” my masterful ass. You think Hanson’s ever even fired a gun? But now we have the “right blend of military determination.” Sure we do. “Speak incoherently & whack w/ a big stick any one weaker & browner” should probably be the “Bush Doctrine.” Or “Cheney Doctrine” for accuracy’s sake.
The next president should probably just quarantine Fresno, eliminating “Free” Republic & VD in one fell swoop.
Don’t you dare drag poor Michigan J. Frog into this.
Another “reliable indicator as to whether there’s something silly going on today over at Blogs For Bush”: the sun rising in the east.
It’s nice to see Mark getting teh Photoshop treatment.
You missed Victor Havis Danson’s best line:
“The angry and ignorant will always be misled by mad clerics and uniformed thugs if they offer easy solutions without costs…”
I am GOD here.
Just wanted to remind everyone.
Getcher genuine autographed Bunnyman Souvenir Bunny Ears at the gift shop on the way out.
Why the fuck not? Does despair clash with chaos? Is it like wearing brown shoes with black dress pants?
Perhaps instead of “birth pangs”, he meant “birth pings”. Like, Iraq was totally ready to premiere their Democracy 2.0 Beta system, but every time they tried to, script kiddie hackers kept crashing their OS. Like the evil Defeatocrats, maybe!
Not that it matters in The Scheme of Things, but precisely when did the singing, dancing frog get a name? I don’t know why, but I wish They hadn’t done that.
Non sequitur! They resent the mullahs’ terrible mismanagement of the economy and resources, and their reliance on the Basij and clientalistic rewards instead of placing talented, unaffiliated workers in charge first and foremost.
As usual some pro-military, pro-hegemon America American reflexively interprets people suffering in a totalitarian regime from his own cultural standpoint, make readers think Persians have terrorist attacks against us on their minds instead of their own miserable poverty (because it’s always about us), and gird us up for spreading teh democracy. Persians need us to tell them how bad they have it, after all.
Good God. And billions? Yeah, okay. The mullahs rely on terrorism, an offensive tactic which is always cheaper than defensive infrastructure and support enjoying the advantage of backwardness while Bush only has to spend a few hundred million supporting Jundallah et al? Hanson isn’t try to make readers shit their pants based on hyped up rhetoric or anything, is he? Nah.
“…you critics will have to go read it yourselves. If you have the courage to do so.”
My favorite thing about teh wingnuts is that they equate *reading* something one might find disagreeable, with one’s own two eyes and possibly aided by one’s fucking capacity to analyze complex problems,
ultimately without the filter of idiot goggles, and “self-correcting” group-think … with “courage.”
This is not surprising given that they also equate blogging to fighting. They’ve been permitted to toss out the “moral courage” meme unfettered, and now it is almost acceptable for these pasty, flabby, deranged, overgrown teenagers who have never met an item of physical exertion they did not despise, to proclaim themselves the equals of soldiers, who, you know, display ACTUAL courage – the kind that could result in injury or death.
There must be a clinical name for post-9/11 wingnutism.
The next president should probably just quarantine Fresno, eliminating “Free” Republic & VD in one fell swoop.
Fresno? Nobody goes to Fresno anymore.
Not that it matters in The Scheme of Things, but precisely when did the singing, dancing frog get a name?
Some time in the 70s. I highly recommend the DVD box sets of the Warner Brothers cartoons: lots of extras even if they’re too chicken to include Inki yet.
Psycheout must spend three minutes in the penalty box with a very large, very drunk woman with low social inhibitions named Thor.
AKA Debbie Schlussel
Perhaps instead of “birth pangs”, he meant “birth pings”.
And that is the machine that goes, ‘ping!’.
No, please. Not little Debbie.
And thanks for that, Pinko. Have a pork snorkel.
Gavin 138,705,231^9999999
Mark 0
Psycheout -3
nor on the rightful supremacy of the Commodore Amiga
Ditto there brother!! Nothing better than wasting an afternoon killing pink worms on the 15th level of Dungeon Master.
I think he’s probably right. At this point it’s not so much optional as it is mandatory. You know, just like gravity and the strong nuclear force aren’t an “option”.
Ni cxiam havas esperi? We always possess to hope?
It says, ” We always have hope!”
No it doesn’t. What is “to hope?”
“Esperi.”
But -i indicates the infinitive form of the verb. What affix indicates the substantive?
O! Esper_o_.
So if we possess hope, as an abstract noun?
Ni cxiam havas espero!
But hope is receiving an action here; it is _being_ possessed, so we have to use the…
The accusative! Esperon!
Ni cxiam havas esper_on_. Now write it out a hundred times.
[…] epically foolish 26%-ers over at Blogs for Bush in mind, but he would surely approve of the gleeful deconstruction wrought upon them daily by Sadly, No!’s resident bards. Gavin M, Retardo Montalban, Bradley S. […]
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