May
26
26
He’s writing about vaginas AGAIN???
Please, please, please stop writing about vaginas. I know you have major hang-ups about them, and I know they freak you out, but us normal heterodudes like them rather a lot. So just stop it. Por favor. This is the most honest statement I’ve written in my entire life.
Heterosexually yours,
Brad
Ted said,
May 26, 2007 at 15:53
mmmmmmmm…. Play-Doh and Bacon….
roy edroso said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:06
I think it’s a case of Can’t Stop/Won’t Stop.
Actually I would advise Mr. Spades devote his entire blog to this sort of thing. Then, he and Dr. Helen should open a joint consulting practice. Those who would normally send their male children to prostitutes to make men of them could send them instead to the Helen/Spades Heterosex Clinic, where they would hear lectures on male self-esteem and deficient vaginas.
The ensuing homosexual explosion could only alter our social dynamic for the better.
GoatBoy said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:14
Homosezwha?
celticgirl said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:27
OK, but Johah Goldberg is writing about labial surgery:
http://tinyurl.com/27wt7l
Now, tell me – which is worse?
Peanutcat said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:28
But they’re just so icky!
Turd Ferguson said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:33
If Ace wants to think that vaginas are icky, then as far as I’m concerned, fine. More for the rest of us.
MzNicky said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:41
“At some point the feminist movement is going to have to recognize the contradiction in their dogmas that women are individual human beings with their own free wills and drives but that every single stupid-ass they they do to themselves is due to the destructive influence of men.”
Wow. That is the single most breathtakingly stupid thing I have ever read in my life. And I used to teach undergraduate journalism students.
Its ungrammaticality doesn’t help, either.
MzNicky said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:43
Oh. and Brad: I’m reporting you to the General.
Barry Goldwater's Ghost said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:45
My favorite line:
there’s not much you can really do to fix the thing up anyway, given that a woman’s ladybusiness pretty much looks a pastrami salad topped with fresh Sarlacc pit creature.
Oh, wait. Ace adds:
(This tossed out there just to guarantee the links from the lefties.)
Ace, you scamp, you pwnd me! It was all just a joke.
J— said,
May 26, 2007 at 16:55
The fun continues at the Ace O’ Spades HQ, as guest blogger AndrewR explains the wonder of his conception.
Emphasis in the original.
tb said,
May 26, 2007 at 17:48
I would like Ace to stop writing about vagina. I wish he’d draw a clue from the fact that every heterosexual man in the vicinity reaches for a barf bag every time he brings it up.
M. Bouffant said,
May 26, 2007 at 18:13
Does he ever learn? Could he at least stop? And the commenters: a treasury of received redneck wisdom. “Them pooh-sees looks funnih. Heh-heh.”
And Star Wars. Give it a rest w/ the Star Wars. One of the mindless dead over there said something to the effect of: Star Wars/George Lucas made it possible for heroes to be heroes again. Is Star Wars where all these fuckwads get their Manichean outlook? Was part of an entire generation lost forever to nuance & complexity when St. Ronnie of the Hair Coloring called the commies the “evil empire” and their little minds froze in the “all good/all bad” position? (Not that the ninnies who bought into this crap were that much of a loss to wider society, but they’ve certainly caused more than their share of trouble.)
P. S. Are all of the Spades’ posts now sex, Star Wars, or Faces of Death style animal matches?
DrDick said,
May 26, 2007 at 18:45
I think that Ace and Jonah must just close their eyes and hold their noses when they “do their business” down there. If that is (and it is a VERY big if), they ever get the opportunity to get “down there”. I cannot understand any “heterosexual” man who does not love vaginas. I think perhaps the operant word here is “heterosexual”. Come on out of the closet boys. It’s OK, really it is.
Richard said,
May 26, 2007 at 18:52
Thanks Brad – that’s the best laugh I’ve had all week.
Not only do we like them but they’re about the tastiest treat known to man (or lesbian)!
Steve said,
May 26, 2007 at 18:54
M Bouffant – The answer is in ‘Star Wars Missile Defence System’/'Son of Star Wars’ – they don’t pick these names out of a hat.
Hysterical Woman said,
May 26, 2007 at 19:47
Before I took a closer look, I thought that guy said he’s the product of Darth Vader and Grand Moff Tarkin’s love that speaks it’s name to fangirls.
Amanda Marcotte said,
May 26, 2007 at 19:47
Too bad for him, most women get the idea that they need different vaginas from husbands stating it outright to looking at porn made for men. Unless Ace is willing to pretend that husbands’n'porn don’t have anything to do with men, which he could very well think, being crazy.
Pajamas Media Management said,
May 26, 2007 at 19:48
To: Ace
From: Management
Re: You-know whats
Ace, ix-nay on writing about the agina-vays. It’s creeping out our investors. Knew you’d understand. Thanks!
mikey said,
May 26, 2007 at 20:13
This is just a tremendously, er, weird obsession, Ace. By focusing, ahem, intimately on the female genitalia, you are, er, sort of exposing a significant issue. See, you could focus on toes, or teeth, or ears fer that matter, and after a while they’d seem kind of, well, alien to you. Did you ever just take a perfectly normal word and say it over and over again, like, say, merge? After a while, it begins to sound kind of different if you get my drift, and I think you do, old chap.
So here’s the solution. You wanna kinda back up, take, if not the view from fifty thousand feet, at least the view from farther out than a macro lens, y’know? That’s all well and good for porn, but you need to notice that all that pladoh and pastrami is attached to a real, thinking, breathing woman who may very well delight you with the totality of her charms. Well, if not you then maybe someone like you, but not, you know, gay…
mikey
Ed Marshall said,
May 26, 2007 at 20:25
Too bad for him, most women get the idea that they need different vaginas from husbands stating it outright to looking at porn made for men.
How different are they? I’m really not a lost waif in the world asking a dumb question, I’ve seen a couple. I have no idea what you are talking about.
Ed Marshall said,
May 26, 2007 at 20:26
what’s up with the tags?
Barry Goldwater's Ghost said,
May 26, 2007 at 20:37
you need to notice that all that pladoh and pastrami is attached to a real, thinking, breathing woman who may very well delight you with the totality of her charms.
This comment sort of assumes that real, thinking, breathing women would want to have anything to do with our boy Ace but, you know, like the old song says, even the losers…
Svlad Jelly said,
May 26, 2007 at 21:05
Shorter Ace: “I like roast beef. Maybe. I think. I definitely like vaginas. Probably. I think.”
Dan Someone said,
May 26, 2007 at 21:36
I’ve never really noticed that porn star vaginas look significantly different from those to which I have been fortunate enough to have access. I’ve certainly never noticed any differences that would require surgery to eliminate. At most, a little artful tonsuring. Admittedly, I’ve never made a close examination of porn star vaginas, so maybe I just missed some nuance.
But seriously, what kind of husband or boyfriend says to his significant other “Honey, I’d really appreciate you more if your naughty bits looked like… mmm… that“?
sarah said,
May 26, 2007 at 21:43
celticgirl: he’s sort of writing about it. if by “writing about it,” you mean “managing a headline and one pathetic, non-specific sentence, then a link.”
note to the national review: i could also create headlines, lame sentences, and links. and i’d do it for half j.g.’s price. just sayin’.
Simba B. said,
May 26, 2007 at 21:45
Maybe I don’t know what it’s like to be a brutally repressed homosexual like Ace, but I’m having a really hard time understanding his simultaneous obsession with and thinly-veiled, nervous fear of the female anatomy. I’m no fan of it, but at the same time I don’t really care about it either. It doesn’t do anything for me, so I don’t spend endless hours (or blog posts) thinking about it.
I’d question my homosexuality if I did.
MzNicky said,
May 26, 2007 at 21:52
Ed Marshall: I don’t presume to speak for Amanda Marcotte, but if I may not only paraphrase, but also editorialize:
Most women get the idea that their vaginas are somehow inadequate, not, as Ace bizarrely seems to think, from comparing them with those of other women, but rather, as a result of everything—from their husbands stating it outright, to images found in porn that’s geared toward men— telling them that they are.
I hope this has been helpful.
JK47 said,
May 26, 2007 at 22:10
I’m sure Mrs. Ace enjoys her weekly missionary ruttings quite nicely, thank you. I bet she’d rather just get it over with rather than have Ace fumbling around too much with the “Play-Doh and bacon.”
That is, if there is a Mrs. Ace.
Jrod said,
May 26, 2007 at 22:23
Why do you pathetic leftists insist on misrepresenting poor A. O. Spades? He’s creating fine humor that your limited minds couldn’t possibly understand, even with 100% of your brain. You see, what Ace is creating is called irony. Sure, to you it seems as though Ace is some sort of bloodthirsty xenophobic closet-case misogynist, but it’s all just a big joke! And the jokes on you, lolly lol!
According to Wikipedia, A Modest Proposal is “the greatest example of sustained irony in the history of the English language.” Well, maybe that used to be true, but that crown has been passed to Mr Ace of Spades, whose irony is so strong it’s fooled us for years upon years. Boy do I feel silly! To think I actually believed he had some sort of problem with vaginas! Woof, egg on my face for sure.
So, not to be pushy, but isn’t Ace’s logo due for another improvement?
mikey said,
May 26, 2007 at 22:35
So, not to be pushy, but isn’t Ace’s logo due for another improvement?
You’re not thinking…
Nah, that’d be kinda mean…
Yep, straight-up, flat out mean is what that’d be….
Ah, hell, that’s all the reason we need. Gavin? A stylized vagina on the Ace logo? It’s a challenge that cannot be passed up, and I think we can all agree that mister O’Spades has earned it with his tireless exploration of the bacon and pladoh aisle….
mikey
Some Guy said,
May 26, 2007 at 22:49
Oh! Oh! Makes the “Spades” part be a artful rendering of a spade as sculpted and teased into a woman’s pubic hair! Genius!
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 26, 2007 at 22:52
What .mikey and Jrod said.
BD III said,
May 26, 2007 at 22:53
Dumbo-flaps???
Fer fuck’s sake, let’s take up a collection and GO GET THIS BOY LAID!!! His prose need some life experience to back up those similies and, uh, homonyms and stuff.
I’m in for a buck.
And, I guess now would be a good time to bring up Borat’s “looks like sleeve of wizard” quip. At least that was intentionally funny.
Phoenician in a time of Romans said,
May 26, 2007 at 23:24
Fer fuck’s sake, let’s take up a collection and GO GET THIS BOY LAID!!!
Haven’t prostitutes suffered enough?
From my extremely limited basis for comparison, the question of whether a particular woman’s genitals look “normal” or not is best answered by “Who cares?”
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 26, 2007 at 23:27
OK, here’s a suggestion for Ace’s new improved logo: An elephant (Dumbo, perhaps) flying with a plate held in its trunk. A plate laden with two strips of bacon, and a mound of Play-Doh.
mikey said,
May 27, 2007 at 0:43
In the context of a logo, thunder, how would you be able to tell it was a mound of play doh, and not, say, poop?
Ahh, I see, wise one…
Never mind, carry on….
mikey
Dan Someone said,
May 27, 2007 at 0:52
MzNicky, forgive my ignorance, but how do porn images suggest to women that their vaginas are inadequate? I can envision a spouse telling a woman her vagina looked ugly or something — though I can not for the life of me imagine why a guy would think, let alone say, something like that. And I can women feeling as if their breasts or general body shapes are not up to snuff based on porn imagery. But I just don’t get what there could be about a vagina in a porn image that would cause a woman to feel her own vagina was in need of an upgrade.
Peanutcat said,
May 27, 2007 at 1:50
One starts to wonder if Ace has actually seen an actual vagina . . . . .
TonyRz said,
May 27, 2007 at 1:53
> two strips of bacon, and a mound of Play-Doh
The thought just occurred to me that if you gave me those, er, raw, materials and said “Make a vagina!”, I wouldn’t have the foggiest. What does his mind’s eye see when he looks “down there”?
Barry Goldwater's Ghost said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:09
One starts to wonder if Ace has actually seen an actual vagina . . . . .
Well, we have to assume he did at least once.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:11
Eyesight at that age is over-rated.
JK47 said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:12
But I just don’t get what there could be about a vagina in a porn image that would cause a woman to feel her own vagina was in need of an upgrade.
There was an article on Salon yesterday that explained this– it’s the increasing fetishization of prepubescent girls. Apparently some women are desiring the slit-like appearance of the prepubescent vagina and are having plastic surgery to reduce the size of the labia and the clitoral hood. Craziness.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:19
Righteous Bubba said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:20
Oh shit. Worked in preview.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:27
And I can women feeling as if their breasts or general body shapes are not up to snuff based on porn imagery. But I just don’t get what there could be about a vagina in a porn image that would cause a woman to feel her own vagina was in need of an upgrade.
Dan, just as professional porn stars often have surgery on their tits, to ‘enhance’ them (or make them huge bobbin’ boobies), so too do they often have surgery on their labia.
The labial surgery is not so much to ‘enhance’ them (because as Ace so deftly points out, no-one wants labia that flap noisily together when they walk), but to reduce them. The ideal porn girlie has enormous bouncing breasts and tiny ladylike labia, apparently.
I’m just dying to see what happens when the body modification crowd get into labial modification. Oh, wait, they have, but oddly enough it’s mostly the guys who do this stuff. Incidentally, that link is worth following for seven pages of glorious surgical modification.
Instant Preview, I love you…
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:31
The thought just occurred to me that if you gave me those, er, raw, materials and said “Make a vagina!�, I wouldn’t have the foggiest. What does his mind’s eye see when he looks “down there�?
I’m always reminded of that character from Flying High. You know, the outrageously camp one who, when handed a memo and asked “What can you make of this?”, says “I could make a hat, (demonstrates) or a brooch (demonstrates), or…”
Me, I don’t need to make one, ‘cos I’ve already got one. Mind you, I don’t get to see it all that well, but that’s an inconvenience I’ll gladly put up with.
a different brad said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:49
Can someone please just slip Ace a couple E’s and drag him out to a club? This is turning into that Kids in the Hall sketch about the gay dad in denial.
You realize the poor bastard probably doesn’t even know whether he’s a bottom or a top yet? This guy needs a makeover and a cock in his mouth, ASAP.
Ace said,
May 27, 2007 at 2:56
You realize the poor bastard probably doesn’t even know whether he’s a bottom or a top yet? This guy needs a makeover and a cock in his mouth, ASAP.
Dude, I am TOTALLY a top. It’s just like Jeff G. told me: “A.B.P.–Always Be Pitching.”
a different brad said,
May 27, 2007 at 3:00
And, since to my knowledge no one has on this here yet, let me quote/paraphrase Bill Hicks.
Hi, I’m Brad, and I’m a pussyholic.
I like the way it smells, I love the way it tastes.
tigrismus said,
May 27, 2007 at 3:33
Does he really want to get into the whole “who looks weirder nekkid” thing?
Simba B. said,
May 27, 2007 at 4:27
Dude, I am TOTALLY a top. It’s just like Jeff G. told me: “A.B.P.–Always Be Pitching.�
The only thing that gives you away, Fake Ace, is that you capitalized your name. The Real ‘ace’ doesn’t capitalize his name.
Who wants to take bets on how soon Ace becomes the second-most-impersonated commenter here after Teh Lesser Perfesser?
Ace said,
May 27, 2007 at 4:45
The only thing that gives you away, Fake Ace, is that you capitalized your name. The Real ‘ace’ doesn’t capitalize his name.
And I would have gotten away with it, if it wasn’t for you meddling kids!
Not sure I encourage Ace (or ace) parodies. He is a pig, of course, but is it really worth the trouble?
MzNicky said,
May 27, 2007 at 5:06
Dan Someone: It’s my understanding that pornographic images of women often feature liposuctioned pudendae, non-extruding labia, bleached anuses, and little to no pubic hair, said appearance being accomplished with or without benefit of airbrushing. Avid viewers of such images are said to believe that this is what women’s genital areas should actually look like, much like they believe all women should have outsized breasts, and thus carry with them this expectation in the event they encounter an actual woman.
Many women who still labor under the delusion that they exist primarily, if not solely, to serve as semen receptacles for such men, will in turn seek out such aesthetic “corrections” in order to maintain their worth in the field of sexbottery. Just another of the many ways to keep women feeling continually insecure about the physical-attractiveness mandate.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 27, 2007 at 5:40
Further to Dan, and in addition to what MzNicky said: yes, there’s a big emphasis on what women “should” look like in order to be desirable.
Personally, I’ve always found an oral fixation and a desire for much screaming sex pretty well does the trick. At least, it served me well in my mis-spent yoof.
And any fool who suggested surgery to this kitty would discover why you should always be nice to someone who’s got your cock in their mouth.
mikey said,
May 27, 2007 at 5:43
Excuse me.
I think I mis heard you…
Did you just say…
Nahhh, no way, you didn’t even…
No. I’m sorry. I heard “Bleached Anuses”. I’m like, Wha…?? You mean like…?
No way. No fuckin way…
Really?
Yikes….
mikey
Righteous Bubba said,
May 27, 2007 at 6:32
“Bleached anus” as a search term gets some hilarious results…thus far the incredulity outpaces the porn.
Lesley said,
May 27, 2007 at 6:58
PS, there’s not much you can really do to fix the thing up anyway, given that a woman’s ladybusiness pretty much looks a pastrami salad topped with fresh Sarlacc pit creature.
(This tossed out there just to guarantee the links from the lefties.)
Oh! ha ha, he din’t mean it. Still, you get the impression from “ladybusiness” this guy has never seen the real thing and is a real fraidy cat about it.
If ours look like pastrami, what in God’s name must he think his own genitals look like. “Turkey neck and turkey gizzards”?
mythago said,
May 27, 2007 at 7:37
It’s my understanding that pornographic images of women often feature liposuctioned pudendae, non-extruding labia, bleached anuses, and little to no pubic hair, said appearance being accomplished with or without benefit of airbrushing
I’m not sure where you get this ‘understanding’, especially in the age of Photoshop.
Ace needs to be reassured that Teh Vagina doesn’t actually have teeth.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 27, 2007 at 7:44
Ace needs to be reassured that Teh Vagina doesn’t actually have teeth.
Maybe his first experience was with one of the Body Modification crowd. So he’s convinced they do, indeed, have teeth. And horns. And anchor-shaped bumps. And so on and so forth.
ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© said,
May 27, 2007 at 8:07
Bleached anuses?
Wouldn’t that hurt a lot, and for a long time?
P.S. Hey you kidz, get offa my lawn!
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 27, 2007 at 8:43
“Bleached anus� as a search term gets some hilarious results
But has it been used as a band name yet?
Phoenician in a time of Romans said,
May 27, 2007 at 9:30
Dan Someone: It’s my understanding that pornographic images of women often feature liposuctioned pudendae,
True.
non-extruding labia,
True.
bleached anuses,
True.
and little to no pubic hair,
True.
said appearance being accomplished with or without benefit of airbrushing.
Also true.
Avid viewers of such images are said to believe that this is what women’s genital areas should actually look like,
Wait a minute – you mean they don’t?
Marq said,
May 27, 2007 at 10:35
Hee hee. Too true!
Kevin said,
May 27, 2007 at 10:53
You’re writing about vaginas again!?
Ed Marshall said,
May 27, 2007 at 11:06
Guess I’m not keeping up with my porn. I, for the life of me, can’t see the aesthetic value in liposuctioned pudendae, I’d think it would be the other way around. Trimming or shaving is just courtesy, no one of any gender really wants a mouthful of hair.
celticgirl said,
May 27, 2007 at 13:12
(I can’t believe nobody’s said this yet)
“Bleached Anus” would be a great band name…
celticgirl said,
May 27, 2007 at 13:14
Wait a minute – we have Instant Preview – INSTANT???!!!
OMG PONIES!!one111eleven!!!
Gavin – you rock!
Peanutcat said,
May 27, 2007 at 15:38
One starts to wonder if Ace has actually seen an actual vagina . . . . .
Well, we have to assume he did at least once.
I meant in real life, not in a porn video . . . . .
MzNicky said,
May 27, 2007 at 15:53
Boys, boys! I say “bleached anuses” and you all run to Google? Now see, this here shit is exactly what I’m talkin’ ’bout.
I could provide links to assuage your incredulity, but it would be wrong. However, you might give “Vagina Institute” a Google. I am shitting you not.
This has been the latest newsbreak in the Eternal Objectification of Women.
Amanda Marcotte said,
May 27, 2007 at 16:26
But seriously, what kind of husband or boyfriend says to his significant other “Honey, I’d really appreciate you more if your naughty bits looked like… mmm… that“?
The kind that seeks out a wife that’s insecure enough to listen to him.
Jillian said,
May 27, 2007 at 17:14
The part of all this that is creeeping me out the most is – where are all these people seeing prepubescent female genitalia??!?!?!
According to that article, they’re seeing it in fashion magazines. Fashion magazines??!?!?!?!?!?!
Jesus Haploid Christ, WTF? I don’t know what a twelve year old girl’s genitals look like, and I don’t want to know. Ever. I have the dim memory of my own from twenty years ago, and that’s just fine with me – hell, I can’t recall ever even looking, to be honest.
People are bringing in pictures of adolescent vulvae to their plastic surgeons? Why aren’t said people being arrested? Who is taking all this pictures of prepubescent girls? Seriously – what the fuck?
t4toby said,
May 27, 2007 at 18:26
“PS, there’s not much you can really do to fix the thing up anyway, given that a woman’s ladybusiness pretty much looks a pastrami salad topped with fresh Sarlacc pit creature.”
Please, please, please photoshop this. Please?
I believe it would eclipse even the classic ‘fattie with celery’ picture (Which I believe is far superior to the sammich owing to the irony).
Even better would be to use the picture of the Sarlac swallowing Boba Fett. PLEASE????
Zoey & Me said,
May 27, 2007 at 18:30
They are called “Ginas” in internet talk and they counter half will be known as “pensis.”
Righteous Bubba said,
May 27, 2007 at 19:55
Boys, boys! I say “bleached anuses� and you all run to Google?
Look, I’ve tried running around unbleaching them and it’s altogether unsafe.
Dan Someone said,
May 27, 2007 at 20:57
Wow. I will admit to having watched my share of porn — and perhaps other people’s shares as well — but I have to say I have never noticed anything about porn vaginas* that struck me as particularly different from the real ones I have seen, other than (non-surgical) shaving. Liposuctioned pudenda? Do people really worry about chunky pudendae*? Non-extruding labia? Is there an international standard for labia length (or is it width)? The British Labial Unit?
Egad.
Of course, I long ago gave up on mass-produced “professional” porn, seeing as how none of the scenarios, dialogue or — most importantly — people on the screen bore any resemblance to real life on Earth. Seriously, what’s the point of porn if not to imagine all those fun things happening to you**? And if none of it bears the slightest relation to reality, then that just can’t happen.
OK, so I guess I’ve learned something. Something that makes me cringe inside, but hey, education is a life-long process.
* Porn Vaginas and Chunky Pudendae are, of course, opening for Bleached Anuses at Metro next month.
** I do not want to get into the debate over whether porn has any acceptable purpose. I know the arguments on all sides, and this discussion reveals yet another black mark against some porn, but I actually believe that reasonable people can disagree about some aspects of the value of porn. And that’s all I’m going to say about it.
DocAmazing said,
May 27, 2007 at 21:18
MzNicky–
Thank you for making me aware of the Vagina Institute. I now know where to continue my studies.
DocAmazing said,
May 27, 2007 at 21:20
It’s not the same as the Vagina Military Institute, is it? I prefer the Citadel.
a different brad said,
May 27, 2007 at 23:04
Just for the record, porn does eff with young ladies’ minds, MzNicky is right on that.
A few years back I went out with a 19 year old for a year or so. (I was 25. Maybe a a little slimy, but wasn’t me taking advantage of her. She wasn’t dumb.)
Anyways, I was her first. N she had every hair of any kind anywhere below her belly button gone. Because she thought that was how it was supposed to be, that it was how guys wanted it.
As someone said above, no one wants a mouthful of hair. I trim for my own comfort and so no ladies need fear getting a pube stuck in their teeth. N I appreciate consideration the other way. I mean, I’m sorry, but rabbit tails ain’t sexy, m’dears. Hack it back.
But still, for a 19 year old virgin to wax her asshole because she thinks it’s expected, something’s effed up.
Nevermind hairless is a problem for guys with scratchy stubble. You need some kinda protection from rugburn on them sensitive parts, m’dears, unless you want a guy to shave moments before diving in.
Porn is fun, and useful when you’re single and lack the mindset for one nighters. Some of it isn’t even particularly degrading to women. I don’t feel guilty enjoying seeing an attractive woman orgasm, but I do feel guilty seeing 150k worth of plastic surgery skewered between two surgically augmented ‘roid users.
Wait, not guilty, mildly disgusted.
Dan Someone said,
May 28, 2007 at 0:37
Not mildly disgusted — thoroughly grossed out.
a different brad said,
May 28, 2007 at 2:58
Sadly, I’ve seen worse.
Japanese anime has some of the most fucked up hardcore porn offshoots you’d never want to hear about.
Tentacle rape, and women lose in combat by cumming, at least in the example I was exposed to.
Oh, and all the females were middle school age, and in one shot would look 11, next shot, 20, depending on whether they were naked or about to be.
That’s thoroughly digusting. And cause to wonder what the fuck is going on in Japan.
a different brad said,
May 28, 2007 at 3:00
Thoroughly disgusting, too. So caught up in the tags I skrood up.
mas tarde said,
May 28, 2007 at 4:04
if i were gonna get all english grad student on it, i’d start at the beginning with ace calling the ‘gina a “pooter”.
out of the nearly *endless* selection of vagina euphemisms ace most readily associates the vagina with a word that has the word “poo” in it (!!!) and would seem to refer most properly to the anus, that which “poots” and “poos” by occupation.
when you say “vagina”, ace says “pooter”.
Dan Someone said,
May 28, 2007 at 5:19
Let’s call the whole thing off.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 28, 2007 at 7:18
a different brad, that ain’t the worst of it. To avoid grossing out the assembled gentlefolk, I’ll say only this: Live. Action. Eels.
Excuse me while I generate a hairball to throw up.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 28, 2007 at 7:45
And while I’m here, what’s all this talk of ‘ginas? I mean, I know several young women of Italian extraction who’d take umbrage at your chosen nomenclature. Change it to Gino, and perhaps they’ll be mollified, but on the other hand you’d also be beaten up regularly, which might not be such a benefit.
Then, too, I’m just not prepared to own a body part that has such a ridiculous diminutive. I couldn’t hold up my head in polite society if I owned something called a ‘gina. People would talk.
What’s even worse than having such a coy pet name, though, is that I’d forget it at crucial moments. I haven’t been able to extract money from the cash machines for 3 weeks because I forgot my password, so how the hell am I to be expected to remember this? And it’s a contraction of three bloody syllables, too, which makes it even harder.
No, I’m sorry, I just can’t be having with it. If you persist with this folly, I’ll just have to trade mine in. Maybe for a whipper-snipper: they seem to be popular with the menfolk.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 28, 2007 at 9:04
Aaaaaaaaand another thing: it sounds far too much like ginormous, which just brings us back to Dumbo flaps territory again.
I just can’t be having with this.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 28, 2007 at 10:46
I used to worry that lyric poetry was a dying literary form. If nothing else, I have learned from this thread that the simile is alive and well.
celticgirl said,
May 28, 2007 at 16:41
“I just can’t be having with this” – That is good Celtic sentence structure if I ever saw it!
t4toby said,
May 28, 2007 at 17:44
Wait a second. WTF is pastrami salad anyway? Has anyone ever heard of this? It sounds suspiciously 1950’s.
I think I may have stumbled on to a truth about ace. He is a time traveller from 1953. It really explains a lot…
Lako said,
May 28, 2007 at 17:48
“I can envision a spouse telling a woman her vagina looked ugly or something”
Yeah here’s how that conversation goes:
“Well your lips are kind of unattractive”
“You still got that scrotum?”
“Good point”
The end.
Lako said,
May 28, 2007 at 17:55
“That’s thoroughly digusting. And cause to wonder what the fuck is going on in Japan.”
You’re on the internet and this is the first time this question has come up?
http://www.doitlater.com/pic.php?121
g said,
May 28, 2007 at 21:52
A very enlightening thread. And you scared Kevin away just like that!
Seriously, I think things have changed since I entered into a state of staid monogamy. Bleaching anuses? Don’t even talk to me about WAXING them…er….it! I can’t even stand the idea of bikini waxing.
RandomObserver said,
May 28, 2007 at 22:56
Can Amanda Marcotte just sympathy fuck Ace already and get it over with?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 28, 2007 at 23:06
“I just can’t be having with thisâ€? – That is good Celtic sentence structure if I ever saw it!
I am not sure whether an Abyssinian cat can be Celtic, even in an honorary way. It’s more that Qetesh reads a lot of Terry Pratchett.
Kip W said,
May 29, 2007 at 1:43
Has he even seen a vagina?
Never mind that. New evidence suggests that what he thought was bacon strips was actually “Beggin’ Strips,” a mock-bacon product made for dogs. It doesn’t actually fool the dogs, but it seems to have taken in at least one “ace” blogger.
ps: In the 50s, Batman had a dog, named “Ace, the Bat-Hound.” Just mentioning.
mikey said,
May 29, 2007 at 2:25
Pretty much all you need to know about Beggin Strips.
Don’t blame me, blame Steve. Dood, don’t eat that!!
mikey
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 29, 2007 at 6:52
Lako, that was appallingly piss-funny. I salute you, as someone who can make me laugh till I choke.
And yes, Herr Doktor, my secret is out: my hero is indeed Granny Weatherwax.
celticgirl said,
May 29, 2007 at 9:18
Ah, Pratchett. I admit to being recent inductee to the Pratchett books, so I didn’t pick up on this but I stand by my first statement: perfect Celtic sentence structure.
There’s actually a structure in Welsh that amounts to: “I am after having had been” (and no, that does not equate to “I was”, closer to “I had been” yet not exacty.) Or think of the lovely Irish “Ah, ’tis yourself”.
Isn’t language fun?!
The Plain People of Ireland said,
May 29, 2007 at 13:10
Very aspective language, Irish. Aspective an’ all.
ooioo said,
May 29, 2007 at 21:04
Brad,
I hate to break it to you, but Ace specializes in bloviating about things he knows absolutely nothing about. So he’s unlikely to ever stop.