May
20
20
The Western Giant Smiles, And Twirls The Spotty Glob
Shorter Michael McBride:
Call Me an Islamaphob
- According to my calculations, with nearly 3,500 victims worldwide since 1972, the kill-total of the so-called “religion of peace” is greater than all other killings combined.* So don’t tell me not to taunt the counter guy at the Circle-K!
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
*Not counting Hindus, or. . .uh, what are those Reggae guys called?
Simba B. said,
May 20, 2007 at 3:50
I’m guessing spell check is a tool of the devil, just like critical thinking.
mikey said,
May 20, 2007 at 3:56
Even SHORTER Michael McBride:
“Mommy, I’m so a-scared!! Make ‘em stop being muslims, mommy, make ‘em stop!!
mikey
maddie said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:07
Hmm…lemme see here…70,000 minus 3,500…borrow the ten…equals…
W00T! We win!
Oh wait
a different brad said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:10
This all has taught me one fascinating thing.
All a bigot needs is to learn a particular group of Others exists in order to start hating them.
What are the odds McBride thinks Sikhs are moooooslems, considering his fucking ability to spell?
Hysterical Woman said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:30
About the “religion of peace”: Bush said it, not any filthy liberal. There is no religion of peace, not even Buddhism.
aichess said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:33
“What are the odds McBride thinks Sikhs are moooooslems, considering his fucking ability to spell?”
Very, very, high.
Mark S. said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:36
The OIC is clearly engaging in a classic “desensitivization� and “relativism� spin in trying to compare the brutal savagery committed by Muslim Jihadists over the past 35 years to the actual fear generated by those attacks. They are attempting to carve inroads into and place limitations on, our rights to free speech.
Michael isn’t too good at commas.
Moderate Muslims, if they are who they claim to be, cannot put the loathing of terror and it perpetrators in the same category of wonton murder and terror upon innocents.
Why do Muslims hate Chinese cuisine so much?
If fearing terrorists, Jihadists, wahabists, etc. and et. al.
I’ve never seen anyone use both etc. and et. al., but then again I didn’t know the OIC was the second leading inter-governmental organization.
Stephen Ockham said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:36
Nice “America’s Most Wanted” style profile picture on him too.
noen said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:38
“I am at a loss to figure out how being afraid of Muslims, because they happen to be the world’s largest generator of terrorists, is a greater form of terror than the actual terror than that which is being perpetrated by Muslims extremists on the rest of the world’s population nearly everyday of our lives. This is like castigating an assault victim for being afraid of their attacker.”
This of course, works both ways. Invading someone’s country and killing 650,000 of them will do that.
maddie said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:47
Whoa! In my browser, all of the comments are now in that teeny-tiny font after the asterisk in the last line of the post.
If I could actually read any of the comments, I’m sure I would have a brilliant rejoinder.
noen said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:54
Type on your keyboard the keys [control] [+] to enlarge the type, [control] [-] to reduce.
mikey said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:55
Or go to thrifty or walgreens and get that little magnifier thingie with the handle and you’re good to go…
mikey
Gavin M. said,
May 20, 2007 at 4:58
[font size fixed]
noen said,
May 20, 2007 at 5:06
From the comments section:
“As for our dealing with the jihadis, why do we own all this weaponry if we’re not going to use it to our advantage?”
mikey said,
May 20, 2007 at 5:09
That works. Patron Saint Comedian Rush Limbaugh said it many times:
“Why do they give me 90 pills if I’m not going to TAKE 90 pills?”
mikey
Righteous Bubba said,
May 20, 2007 at 5:12
In fact it is nearly impossible to directly associate any link between 9/11 and an increase in crimes against Muslims in the US.
Guantanamo Bay’s in Cuba, right?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 20, 2007 at 5:17
Why do Muslims hate Chinese cuisine so much?
The Wasabists come into it, somehow.
Jeff Fecke said,
May 20, 2007 at 5:35
Why do Muslims hate Chinese cuisine so much?
Two words: Dhimmi Sum.
maddie said,
May 20, 2007 at 5:50
Thanks, Gavin.
Some Guy said,
May 20, 2007 at 6:01
Hmmm…
So, we have this guy, who is citing some Muslim group saying that, “Islamiphobia is bad.” Presumably, his beef is their claim that “not all Muslims are crazy.”
Okay. Let’s assume that there are, say, 5 million hard-core, die-hard Muslim terrorists in the world. Guys who seriously won’t be happy until the US is in flames and all that, not just the ones who don’t like the Sunni’s down the street, or want the US to leave Iraq and all that. I think we can all agree that’s a VERY liberal estimate on the world wide number of terrorists.
Now then.
There are anywhere from 1.2 to 1.8 billion Muslims in the world. So we’ll round that to, say, 1.4 billion. That would mean that, for every terrorist, there are 280 who are not. Or, to put it another way, terrorists would represent .357% of the entire population.
There are ~300 million Americans. Of that, 2 million are in prison. That’s 1 in 142 Americans, or .7% of the population.
So, statistically, you are twice as likely to run into a felon in America then a Terrorist in anywhere else in the world.*
I’m just sayin’. Not all Americans are felons.
*That’s not including convicted felons who are no longer in jail. I’m sure that would raise the number to over one percent of the population, easy.
Some Guy said,
May 20, 2007 at 6:06
Oh, and I believe the reggae religion you’re thinking of is “Rastafarian”, founded by Haile Selassie I, Gavin.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rastafari_movement
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
May 20, 2007 at 6:06
Rock.
maddie said,
May 20, 2007 at 6:12
So, statistically, you are twice as likely to run into a felon in America then a Terrorist in anywhere else in the world.*
I’m just sayin’. Not all Americans are felons
Hmm…I don’t know about this.
Mikey, are you sure you’re not a terrorist? ;>)
ignobility said,
May 20, 2007 at 6:17
I thought The Wasabists was what you put on sushi, which would make it Japanese, not Chinese, right? Damned Japanese shintofascists!
Gavin M. said,
May 20, 2007 at 6:20
Oh no, I’m pretty sure the Rastafarians are the esoteric order with psychic powers.
Moxie said,
May 20, 2007 at 7:21
Yeah, I’ve often wondered how Muslims go to be such bastards. I mean, it’s not like they didn’t have the sterling example of Christianity to guide them. (If you’ve ever wondered what Bill O’Reilly would have done for a living in the 13th century, wonder no more).
P.S. Caution, that link might disturb your sleep. Seriously.
Lesley said,
May 20, 2007 at 8:43
Dr. Laura’s son (military paratrooper) being investigated for “lurid web page”
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 20, 2007 at 8:48
No, guys, you’re all wrong: it’s the Pastafarians. A little noodle told me.
Laughed at the wonton gag, laughed again at the Dhimmi Sum, but I can’t pay the Wasabist gag on account of wasabi is Japanese. Bzzzt, thank you for playing.
Mind you, it all gets into a nasty sectarian bloodbath once you delve into Chiu Chow versus Shanghainese versus Szechuan…
DirtyEffingHippie said,
May 20, 2007 at 9:10
He evoked every date possible.
Except for one:
1948
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
May 20, 2007 at 12:28
According to my calculations
I haven’t checked his maths, but I’m assuming that the Hindus and Christians comprising the Tamil Tigers don’t count, on account of mainly killing brown-skinned people.
Qetesh the Abyssinian said,
May 20, 2007 at 14:17
Herr Doktor, you are indeed correct. Those Tamil Tigers are pretty damn persistent, but yes, they are killing the wrong shade of folks.
DirtyEffingHippie, not only did he fail to mention the King David Hotel bombing, he also failed to mention any of the numerous other acts of terrorism by the Irgun and the Stern gang, in or out of office, or indeed any of the acts of official terrorism by governments including (but not limited to) the US government. It seems that when you slaughter innocent civilians, it’s only terrorism if you don’t have uniforms.
g said,
May 20, 2007 at 18:19
Other issues aside, I have to laugh at his math. 3500 innocents killed since 1972?
Presumably that includes the 2200-odd victims of 9/11, so that leaves us with about 1300 to work with. Even if we’re counting only people killed by Muslims – that still seems to leave a lot of dead people out, So who’s he not counting as “innocent victims?” The dead in Somalia in the early ’90′s? The victims on both sides of the Iraq-Iran war? Saddam’s Shiite and Kurd victims? Civilian victims in the Lebanon war? How about Darfur for heaven’s sake?
If we toted up innocent victims of Christians since 1972, we’d surely get more than 3500. So how does he come up with only 1300 non-9/11 innocent victims of Muslims?
Gee….maybe he’s only counting white Western dead people as “innocent victims” cause, you know, those brown folks don’t count, even when Muslims kill them.
Curiouser still, how come he’s not counting Israeli victims of suicide bombers? Surely there’s been enough of those to push the numbers over 3500? Is it that for McBride, Jews don’t count either?
g said,
May 20, 2007 at 18:21
McBride’s 3500 number reminds me of Dr. Evil’s “One MILLION dollars!”
Smiling Mortician said,
May 20, 2007 at 18:56
Gee….maybe he’s only counting white Western dead people as “innocent victims�
Bingo.
Dorothy said,
May 20, 2007 at 21:36
Gee….maybe he’s only counting white Western dead people as
“innocent victims�human beings cause, you know, those brown folks don’t count, even when Muslims kill them.Fixed your typo for you