May
4
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Shorter Peggy Noonan
An Incomplete Field: First impressions of the GOP’s 2008 candidates
Above: Wants to live like common people, wants to do whatever common people do
- Why must the media persist in comparing every Republican presidential candidate to Ronald Reagan? There is no Ronald Reagan among those feckless contestants!
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Legalize said,
May 4, 2007 at 19:56
Pulp’s lawyers are on the phone.
kingubu said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:06
Alternate Shorter Pegster: “I can’t have my dottering movie cowboy back so I’ll settle for the dottering TV laywer who isn’t running.”
Leonard Pierce said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:07
Will Sam Brownback ever inspire the Pegster to write a loving ode to his foot? I think not. I think very much not.
Steve said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:15
OT: I hadn’t seen this video from Shoelimpy(tm) before, but it is a classic of the genre.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:17
There is no Ronald Reagan among those feckless contestants!
Surely there was someone there whose brain is porous mush.
AkaDad said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:17
Shorter Noonan:
We need the actor to save us, because these other guys really suck.
steve_e said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:17
If only Peggy Noonan, part-time pixie and media gumshoe for the independent, low circulation rag, the Wall Street Journal, could get those Big Media people to stop making Republicans look stupid by worshipping Republican idols.
Wait…that doesn’t sound right. Just trust me, here. Somethin’ weird is going on. I mean, the media loves Republicans? That flies in the face of all the things the media has been telling us about the liberal media. It just doesn’t make sense. Good thing I don’t suffer from cognitive dissonance.
eris said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:26
[Republicans] should try instead a pleasant, “You know I don’t think I’m Reagan, but I do think John Edwards may be Jimmy Carter, and I’m fairly certain Hillary is Walter Mondale.”
Oh suh-NAP!! You’ve just been Pegged!!!!
mikey said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:35
Pulp’s lawyers are on the phone.
Oooppss, turned out it was just Big Bill Shatner.
mikey
Dhalgren said,
May 4, 2007 at 20:40
This comparison to Reagan is what we media scholars call a Master Narrative. It is a story or line of reasoning that you can recycle again and again when the opportunity to use it arises.
Other Master Narratives include:
- America Has Lost its Innocence (Vietnam, Oklahoma City, 9/11, VT)
- The Israelis and Palestinians Will Never Get Along
- Fall From Grace / Comeback (JT, Britney)
- Death of a Royal (JFK Jr., Princess Di)
- We Don’t Like Losers (Vietnam Vets, The Knicks)
- Red Sox Fans Are Always Unhappy
bemused said,
May 4, 2007 at 21:12
I’m ashamed to admit it, but that picture of the Noonan-thing is kind of cute. Dear God, I’m not supposed to have the hots for a Republican — much less an aging Reagan cult queen!.
Either I’m getting old or it’s MY brain that’s turning to mush. Or both, I suppose.
JK47 said,
May 4, 2007 at 21:16
Pulp’s lawyers are on the phone.
Jarvis is the greatest, and he’s right: you-know-who are still “Running The World.”
steve EVfuture said,
May 4, 2007 at 21:47
Ronald Reagan fucking sucked!
billy pilgrim said,
May 4, 2007 at 22:13
Dhalgren-
what about “Things were better back then”?
Lawnguylander said,
May 4, 2007 at 23:12
I wonder if she ever did get to see Reagan standing there only in his underwear. I know she’d have given her whole life just to see it.
Something about wishing she could show a Little Soul too.
Priscilla, Queen of the Beach said,
May 4, 2007 at 23:24
I just LOVE that pic of La Noonan! She is SO good at that wistful, wincing look. You know, the look one gets when someone who smells bad just entered her personal space or, perhaps, a sharp-edged kidney stone just made a slight move in her urinary tract. Oh, if only Ronnie were still here to see her!
Sam Thornton said,
May 5, 2007 at 1:45
Ronald Reagan: America’s answer to Inspector Clouseau. Too bad the current crop of poseurs can’t be as witlessly amusing.
Sam Thornton said,
May 5, 2007 at 1:48
Imponderable questions:
1) Could Muhammad Ali beat Jack Dempsy?
2) Is George W. Bush dumber than Ronald Reagan?
The questions never end.
jenni said,
May 5, 2007 at 3:03
i saw an article in ap with jarvis cocker. they asked him what you should never do with a girl on the first date. his reply? never take her out for poultry. love that guy!
Lesley said,
May 5, 2007 at 13:05
What’s up with the love for Reagan anyway? He was a delusional man who confused his b-movie roles with real life, promoted star wars, funded Iran-Contra, and took credit where little was due for the collapse of the Soviet Union. He stayed in office even when he had Alzheimers.
Marq said,
May 5, 2007 at 14:44
But it was Morning In America™®℠©!!!1!
I guess no one had had their coffee yet.
Dan Someone said,
May 5, 2007 at 15:40
- Red Sox Fans Are Always Unhappy
No, no, no. That Master Narrative was retired in 2004. Besides, I think it was a mistaken variant of the true Master Narrative:
- Cubs fans will always be unhappy.
Susan of Texas said,
May 5, 2007 at 20:14
Yet another shorter Peggy: “Take your stinking paws off Reagan, you damned dirty apes!”
Anne Laurie said,
May 6, 2007 at 0:47
He was a delusional man who confused his b-movie roles with real life, promoted star wars, funded Iran-Contra, and took credit where little was due for the collapse of the Soviet Union. He stayed in office even when he had Alzheimers.
Yeppers — the master template for the Perfect Republican. Those aren’t bugs, those are *features*.
Righteous Bubba said,
May 6, 2007 at 2:40
Yet another shorter Peggy: “Take your stinking paws off Reagan, you damned dirty apes!�
Well, that made me giggle.
nikto said,
May 11, 2007 at 1:12
Here’s a few Master Narratives for you:
Republicans are lying crooks
Conservatives are criminal scum
Rightwingers are bad for America’s survival