Apr
26

Ace: ‘I’m not a homo, but vaginas are icky’




Posted at 3:41 by HTML Mencken

No, really.

While making nervous fun of a stupid ABC ‘News’ article on how to tell if your husband is gay — he is a bit too emphatic, a bit too sarcastic with his ‘well, duhhhs’ if you know what I mean, and I think you do — Ace offers the following in an illuminating aside:

Best friend gay — okay, I can see that one going either way; one of my best buds is a homo. Turned off by cunninglingus? Eh, a lot of guys don’t dig that. Who the hell knows what’s going on down there. It’s like H.R. Geiger giving up ink and canvas to work in the avant-garde medium of Play-Doh and bacon.

I knew it! The vagina is a bio-mechanical horror made of clay and pork! It… it probably contains several sets of razor-sharp teeth and oozes a metal-eating acid that will even sizzle through George Bush’s Kevlar-titanium codpiece which is America’s sole defense against the Muslim Horde! The vagina is obviously such an abomination of anatomy that the only recourse for tough guys like Ace is to snuggle with other males in the Spartan lodge of Beleagured Masculinity — which is sooo not gay, dammit, NOT GAY AT ALL!!! — until some great Messianic PenisMan* arrives to penultimately cock-slap the vagina from humanity forever!!!

*Candidates are Rob Halford, Harvey Mansfield, and a resurrected George W. Bush, who was crucified by feminized, muslimized Liberals but will return, nailholes still in his codpiece, to bring not a piece of pussy but a sword, a porksword, dammit, which all will behold in its turgid glory.

441 Comments »

  1. HTML Mencken said,

    April 26, 2007 at 3:43

    Yeah, I’m still quit but I couldn’t resist. Ace is to funny forever!11!

  2. mikey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 3:59

    1. Ace is hilarious. And it seems to be effortless.

    2. You ain’t quit. Don’t make me saddle up my ruck and bring my -ism – ignorance to Arkansas for a weekend of remedial mikey.

    3. If I DO have to come down there, you better have a righteous connection for corn sqeezins or I’m gonna be pissed.

    4. I have no idea what four is, so there…

    mikey

  3. Hysterical Woman said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:03

    Admittedly, there are some straight women who think penises look gross (I’m not one of them). Then again, part of that may be because of Society.

  4. Ms. Clio said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:03

    well then maybe he will unquit you again in the future — he seems to have an unlimited supply of teh stupid.

    Harvey Mansfield — I saw him on either TDS or TCR and laughed and laughed — hard to imagine a less manly man.

  5. DJ Escher said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:12

    “Who the hell knows what’s going on down there.”

    5 of our Supreme Court justices seem to have an impressive amount of certainty about what’s going on “down there.” And I’m not talking about pubic hair on soda cans.

  6. Leonard Pierce said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:14

    Is…is there a Mrs. Ace? Because I bet she gets in the mood real quick when he comes home with a couple of Bud Lites in him and hollers “Get your Play-Doh/bacon hole ready, I might be able to get it up tonight!”

  7. steve_e said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:14

    Vaginas are awesome.

    End of story.

  8. g said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:23

    Scared of human body parts. That’s pretty pathetic.

  9. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:27

    Shorter Ace:
    I get real nervous and clumsy in bed. Thus, women’s genitals are an honorary Other.

  10. anangryoldbroad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:27

    Oh.My.

    He’s askeered of lady parts…((snicker,teehee))

    Too bad,if you’re askeered,you can not possibly say your world has ever been rocked. And that’s just sad.

    But it does explain alot of the mean,miserable,whining.

  11. ifthethunderdontgetya®©³² said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:31

    a different brad said:

    Shorter Ace.

  12. Sporkey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:44

    Who the hell knows what’s going on down there.

    With more exposure to “down there”, I’m sure he’d find out…however, I can’t imagine that there would be many volunteers.

  13. iamcoyote said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:52

    Well, I sure hope for his sake that he’s gay, ‘cos he just lost a whole shitload of potential dates with that unfortunate self-disclosure.

  14. MzNicky said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:53

    Most telling is that the doofus misspelled “cunnilingus.”
    Spelled it “cunninglingus.”
    Vagina dentata/Freudian slip? I’d say so.

  15. gis said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:01

    Where is this Spartan Lodge? Is that the place off I-65? I’ve heard stories but…

  16. jackd said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:01

    It’s like H.R. Geiger giving up ink and canvas to work in the avant-garde medium of Play-Doh and bacon.

    That kind of writing deserves recognition.

    Ladies and Gentlemen! The Award for Worst Use of Simile in a Blog goes to…ACE OF SPADES!

  17. DrDick said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:02

    Methinks he protests too much. “Who the hell knows what’s going on down there?” Well, I for one know what can go on “down there” (and it’s a lot of fun), but I suspect Ace will never really know (and is really afraid to know). The only people I know who talk that way about the female anatomy are my gay friends.

  18. Jillian said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:04

    My best friend in the world is gay. Not in that “some of my best friends are gay” kind of way – he’s my best friend in the “I love him more than I loved my ex-fiance, I never believed that whole ‘Frodo and Sam are platonic’ thing until I met this guy and realized just how deeply you could love a friend that you aren’t sexually involved with” way.

    He is consistently puzzled by the rather largish seeming number of “straight” men who are squicked out by the vagina. It just makes no sense to him that you’d think you are straight if you aren’t turned on by playing with the genitals of the opposite sex. Naturally, his take on the whole thing is that most of these guys are actually gay, and just too closeted to admit it even to themselves.

    I always tell him that he really doesn’t want that to be true – I wouldn’t wish those guys on his tribe any more than I am happy to have them in mine.

  19. Jillian said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:05

    And yeah, Dick, what Ace said is pretty much identical to what my gay friends say about a lady’s unmentionables.

  20. kc said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:08

    Eh, a lot of guys don’t dig that.

    I have yet to meet the straight one who didn’t.

    Jeez, you practically have to swat them on the head with a rolled-up newspaper to get them out of there . . .

  21. kingubu said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:16

    Jeez, you practically have to swat them on the head with a rolled-up newspaper to get them out of there . . .

    Somebody told us there was a sammich in there, somewhere.

  22. bemused said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:30

    Turned off by cunninglingus? Eh, a lot of guys don’t dig that.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I give you modern conservatism defined and explained. Two sentences, 12 words.

    Our work here is done.

  23. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:30

    I’d like the designated SN! judgment site feministe to note the general restraint in this thread, before it gets late.

    And there’s one, or two, group of ostensibly straight men who I’ve found at least pretend not to know or enjoy time with giners. The first is teenaged southern boys, who, no offense to any former members of the group here, are the gayest bunch of repressed anus freaks I’ve ever known. Chreebus.
    The second group is italian gangsters, according to the Sopranos.
    No reason to assume he’s gay, it’s already quite clear he’s dumb enough to automatically hate the unfamiliar or difficult. Not that playin with giners is either.

  24. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:32

    And I didn’t mean “gayest” in any pejorative sense, but literal.
    *does the pc dance for you*

  25. Pere Ubu said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:34

    Who the hell knows what’s going on down there?

    Yeah, there’s none of those in World of Warcraft, so how do you expect Ace to figure it out?

  26. Henry Hollandq said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:34

    Jillian’s right, I don’t want Ace on my team. No way, no how. It’s bad enough we ‘mo’s have to apologize for Roy Cohn and Ernst Rohm (among many), but Ace? No way.

  27. D. Aristophanes said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:43

    Ace totally looks at the mantelpiece when he’s stoking the fire. Actually, he looks at this picture of Erik Estrada that’s on the mantelpiece when he’s stoking the fire.

  28. Some Guy said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:52

    Two words for Ace… well, three, but two of them are hyphenated.

    “Smegma”

    “Pre-Cum”

    Enjoy.

  29. Lesley said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:54

    Admittedly, there are some straight women who think penises look gross (I’m not one of them).

    The penis is only as gross as the man it’s attached to. Guess that’s true of the vagina too. I’d rather not think of Barbara Bush’s vagina, for example.

  30. billy pilgrim said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:56

    Ace must usually just think of england. He’s like a real-life General!

    Jeez, HTML, how can you quit this bunch? I been laughing so hard at this thread – kc and kingubu’s couplet is the best- “There’s a sammich down there?”

    Wingnuts is the cwaziest people!

  31. D. Aristophanes said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:57

    I’d rather not think of Barbara Bush’s vagina, for example.

    Or what’s gone in and come out of it, either.

  32. Smiling Mortician said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:00

    3. If I DO have to come down there, you better have a righteous connection for corn sqeezins or I’m gonna be pissed.

    4. I have no idea what four is, so there…

    I’ll ride shotgun with you, mikey. I think Mencken needs a decent weekend. We’ll figure out #4 on the way . . .

  33. Candy said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:09

    OT but Bill Moyers was Must See TV tonight. Could it be we’re finally waking tfu?

    Mencken, say it ain’t so….

    ?

  34. EdsAppliance said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:14

    stupid ABC ‘News’ article on how to tell if your husband is gay

    This is even more icky than lady parts. Why even call it “news?” Doesn’t that word have a different meaning?

  35. protected static said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:16

    The penis is only as gross as the man it’s attached to. Guess that’s true of the vagina too.

    The vagina is only as gross as the man it’s attached to? Ummm… Pssst! [whispers] Men don’t have vaginas.

    Tho’ there is the Fleshlight

  36. Lesley said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:42

    Meet the gal Ace sleeps with every night. See, with her he doesn’t have to worry, cuz absolutely nothing is going on “down there.”

  37. Lesley said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:51

    Naturally, his take on the whole thing is that most of these guys are actually gay, and just too closeted to admit it even to themselves.

    A gay guy I know told me he hooked up with many a married man at the local bathhouse.

  38. HTML Mencken said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:55

    mikey, SM, Ms Clio, et al –

    I’m really not trying to be a drama queen with all this, but I do want to quit for a while. Or, at least, quit smaller posts like this one. Ace’s post here was an easy target that anyone could make funny but otherwise, my skillz are seriously diminished.

    I’m too pissed off to be funny or write clearly. So I need to stop for a while.

    But not completely stop — I wanna work on those long term projects we’ve had brewing for a while here. Look on my old blog and you’ll see some of the work I’ve been doing setting one of those projects up.

    Anyway, everything’s all right in my personal life — better than it’s been for a long time, in fact (aside being broke, but that’s just par for the course this time of year). I’m just disgusted and pissed for reasons I explained in the Yglesias post and thread.

    So aside from a new installment of Wingnuts in Party Hats, or perhaps a one-time Nuclear Sammich Attack on certain overinvested PC pukefaces, I’m out of here until… well, you’ll see (think of long posts with many links that comprehensively annihilate whatever is targeted).

    I’ll still be lurking, though, collecting links and trying not to go apeshit taco on nominally Liberal people being rewarded for stupidity, tepidity, banality, wingnuttery…

  39. themann1086 said,

    April 26, 2007 at 6:58

    I’m stunned speechless.

    For the record, I love giving cunnilingus :) yaaaay oral!

  40. Ms. Clio said,

    April 26, 2007 at 7:08

    sounds like that’s what you need to do for yourself right now, so that’s cool; just glad you won’t be disappearing entirely from the blogosphere.

    I’m confident the batshit insane stylings of wingnuttia will lure you out of retirement at some point.

  41. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    April 26, 2007 at 7:19

    Well, I sure hope for his sake that he’s gay, ‘cos he just lost a whole shitload of potential dates with that unfortunate self-disclosure.

    What on earth gives you that idea? Think carefully now: does it seem to you that women would be lining up for a root with someone who expresses those views, even pre-”icky-vagina”?

    This talk of genitals, and our ‘modern’ western attitude towards same, reminds me of travel tales told by a friend of mine. She’d been staying for a month in the highlands of New Guinea, where her mother and step-father were doctorin’ the locals.

    (BTW, if I’ve told this story before, just roll your eyes and skip to the next comment).

    Those highlands are hot and steamy, so folks don’t wear clothes (quite apart from anything else, they’d rot in no time, and the chafing would probably saw your leg off).

    So, everyone’s nekkid. But wait, there’s more.

    The traditional form of greeting is to take hold of the other person’s jiggly bits and give them a squeeze: breasts for a woman, testicles for a man.

    It’s funny to see the reaction of white folks when she tells this story: after all, they’re just body parts like any others. And it’s not as though you’re sticking a finger up their arse or anything that might get dirt under your nails, just a jiggle of the bits.

    Oh, and did I mention that the blokes were all wearing penis gourds?

  42. Ms. Clio said,

    April 26, 2007 at 7:33

    QtA, that is so interesting — I’ve never heard of that before. Though I have read about and seen the penis gourds, or something similar, in a program about South American Indians. Although I don’t recall the reason for the practice.

  43. DocAmazing said,

    April 26, 2007 at 7:43

    So righty-tighties don’t go down on their womenfolk…that explains a great many bloggers I’ve read…

    Seriously, such quimphobia goes a long way toward clarifying their lust for war, and I ain’t even a Freudian.

  44. D. Sidhe said,

    April 26, 2007 at 7:53

    The penis is only as gross as the man it’s attached to. Guess that’s true of the vagina too.

    Okay, that’ll do. Substitute “personality” for “man”, and you got my life philosophy all wrapped up in a motto I can put on a decorative throw pillow.

    Me, I’m a bi woman who’s had relationships with gay men, and straight women, so the world is really just a big ol’ ball of fun if you look at it right.

    Nonetheless, I can rarely look at a penis without giggling, and I blame that Kryten-Becomes-Human episode of Red Dwarf (“That’s the best design they could come up with? Are you seriously telling me there were choices, and someone said, that’s the shape we’re looking for, the last chicken in the shop look?”) Or maybe it’s just the bobble head effect. I always kind of want to put a little baseball cap on them. But I tend to giggle at nudity regardless of gender or indeed, much else.

    Either way, in my experience, few people mind by the time you’re all done. Sex is silly, even if you do it right. Ace can giggle all he likes, as long as he doesn’t get offended when his partners giggle right back.

    The shame is, he looks like the type who would.

  45. C. elegans said,

    April 26, 2007 at 8:02

    kingubu said,

    April 26, 2007 at 5:16

    Jeez, you practically have to swat them on the head with a rolled-up newspaper to get them out of there . . .

    Somebody told us there was a sammich in there, somewhere.

    You know, at some point somebody’s going to have to be the person to ask: “And have you ever walked though a mall wearing a vagina suit?” I am proud to be that person.

  46. Sifu Tweety said,

    April 26, 2007 at 8:34

    I’m with ace: fuck a pork sword. Fuck it right in the ass.

    Wait that came out wrong…

    wait, that came out wrong….

    oh, boy.

    Wait, that came out wrong.

  47. M. Bouffant said,

    April 26, 2007 at 9:03

    Must be why Ace is always linking to smut on his little page, his husband is gay.
    In the “ick factor” dep’t., a woman once told me she had invited a feller home for after-bar activities, but when he dropped trou, revealing he was a serious gentile, or at least Canadian (uncircumcised, is what I’m saying) she changed her mind & threw him right the heck out. So the sword can cut both ways.

  48. Matt T. said,

    April 26, 2007 at 9:16

    The first is teenaged southern boys, who, no offense to any former members of the group here, are the gayest bunch of repressed anus freaks I’ve ever known.

    In a word, and speaking as a former teenaged Southern boy, yep. I was maybe 13 when I came across the concept of oral sex, and to be quite frank, I had a hard time wrapping my head around the concept. However, those were indeed the days or miracles and wonders, and I quickly groked the appeal of the whole thing. However, among my peckerwood peer group, eating pussy was considered a horribly sissified thing to do. A real man simply did not go a-yodelin’ in the valley, as it were.

    Given that a blowjob was considered de reguir on Saturday nights in our small-town romances, I always found it confusing that my male peers would not give as good as they got when it came to oral stimulation. The only explination one could give, beyond it just being “gay” and all, was that it was “nasty” down there. No, it wasn’t, I countered, and I found yet another reason to think my chums were a pack of goobers. For what it’s worth, once a redneck gets married, he will go down. What my friends tell me. The female ones, anyway.

    What I think is interesting, and I found this out in college, is that pretty much the same thought process inre: munching carpet exists/existed in urban African-American youth culture. To wit, a young lad would go down on his lady but wouldn’t own up to in a million years to his boys. She didn’t talk about it, neither, and it was more often than not a give-and-take situation. Frat boys, same thing. It’s “gay” but most guys do it for one reason or another.

    And I don’t think it’s neccessarily a matter of it being “gay” in a literal sense, really. I think it’s more the whole idea that sex is for men only that makes up part of the macho bullshit that infected redneck culture when I was growing up, and still does for all I know. The problem isn’t (or wasn’t, anyway) homosexuality qua homosexuality, the problem is that being gay means you’re basically a woman. Remember who we’re talking about here and work it out from there.

    Class and ethnic issues in cunnilingus, there’s a grad paper in there somewhere. This is the most I’ve thought about this topic in I don’t know how long, and it’s called up some pleasent memories. I don’t know what the hell Ace’s problem is.

    One more thought: those goddamn Live Dolls are creepy as hell. Worries me to death there’s a market for that.

  49. M. Bouffant said,

    April 26, 2007 at 9:34

    Those dolls are very creepy. I s’pose the sort of “dude’ who enjoys silicone on the inside of women can now get it on the outside too..BTW, I b’leeve those things cost about $5,000.00, sort of the ultimate in Playboy gadgetry for the ultimate in creepiness.

  50. Thomas said,

    April 26, 2007 at 10:17

    I’m not gay. I just suck cock to prove to myself how much I don’t like it.

  51. Lesley said,

    April 26, 2007 at 10:22

    Last time i hopped around the realdoll site there were photos of dolls in various roles outside the bedroom. Sitting at the dining table, in the comfy chair in the livingroom or on the couch with the b/f watching teevee. It seems some guys view the thing as a companion of sorts, while others store it in the closet until they want to use it. There is also a section on maintenance and repair. Gah. It’s surreal. Someone should make a documentary about people and their real dolls.

    Funniest FAQ ever:
    Question: What happens when “the honeymoon is over” and I feel that the doll is not for me and wish to return it?

    Although we’d like to fully satisfy all our customers, our firm policy is: ALL SALES ARE FINAL.

  52. Lesley said,

    April 26, 2007 at 10:24

    Bwahaha. There is a market for previously owned dolls:

    Question: Do you have any rejects or used models I can buy for cheap?

    No

  53. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    April 26, 2007 at 10:36

    Ms Clio, I’m not sure what the reason is, but I must admit I love the idea that some blokes use the gourd to stash their cash and tobacco. Offers endless opportunity for some cheap gags of the like of “This cigarette is strangely warm…” variety.

  54. RandomObserver said,

    April 26, 2007 at 11:52

    See, it was all fun and games until you had to go and insult Real Doll owners.

    Reall Doll owners are people too. Gah, I’m outraged! Outraged I say!

    Remember, “political correctness” is just common decency and common decency precludes us from making fun of people who own sex dolls. Hey, what’s wrong with that? Having sex with a doll doesn’t hurt any of you does it???

    I subscribe to the radical notion that sex doll owners are people too!

    It’s really unbelievable that someone who claims to be a feminist and supposedly fights for the rights of the downtrodden would turn right back around and castigate others for the horrible “crime” of owning a life size woman-shaped dull that they may or may not be fucking.

    Sex doll owners have it bad enough without your insults ya bastards.

  55. Col. Klink said,

    April 26, 2007 at 12:00

    One big indicator that was left off on the quiz is the question: Does your husband fuck other men? It’s probably the best indicator out there.

  56. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    April 26, 2007 at 12:06

    some blokes use the gourd to stash their cash and tobacco
    It’s a convenient place for the hip flask, is all I can say.
    It also adds a new meaning to the phrase “Stoned out of my gourd”.

  57. D. Sidhe said,

    April 26, 2007 at 12:12

    Col Klink, I’ve always wondered about those things. A woman in IRC once worriedly explained to me that she’d just spent five minutes doing an Are You Gay quiz. This kind of baffled me, as the quizzes I could devise on the subject would take either thirty seconds or at least half an hour.

    Apparently it was more complicated than that, and she spent most of the next half hour telling me about it. It turns out she didn’t think it was conclusive, because she got a sort of split response and she wasn’t sure if maybe that meant she was bi. I suggested it might mean she’s a multiple personality, a possibility she took *way too seriously*. (She barely has the one personality, really.)

    It wasn’t the first idiotic conversation we’d had, but it sure stands out.

  58. Marq said,

    April 26, 2007 at 13:27

    OK. Gay.
    Vaginas? Gross!
    Why? Gay!!
    Cunnilingus? No!
    Real Dolls? Ickier!!

    None of that was intended to insult any of the ladies out there–believe me, you’re much better off for me not wanting to have sex with you. And, Ace? No, I don’t really want him on my team either. Maybe we can have him made into a eunuch.

  59. Kevin Hayden said,

    April 26, 2007 at 13:41

    Vaginas are friendly, like puppies.
    They’re excitable awfully quick.
    They’re lots of fun to snuggle with
    and only a few are certifiably ick.

    Treat them kind and pet them often.
    Give ‘em lots o’ wet kisses.
    Ace, I suspect I know your problem:
    you’re kissin’ the wrong side of those GOP misses.

  60. ifthethunderdontgetya®©³² said,

    April 26, 2007 at 13:57

    O/T Another Daily Double of Hacktastic Dreck from the WaPo:

    Joey Liarman and teh tired old Dean.

    Heres a Washington political riddle where you fill in the blanks: As Alberto Gonzales is to the Republicans, Dave Broder is to the Washington Post.

    By ifthethunderdontgetya | Apr 26, 2007 7:55:09 AM | Request Removal

  61. norbizness said,

    April 26, 2007 at 14:21

    IT’S GIGER, FOR FUCK’S SAKE! 61 COMMENTS AND NOBODY NOTICED THAT MR. PENIS LANDSCAPE DIDN’T INVENT A RADIOACTIVITY DETECTION DEVICE?

  62. ben said,

    April 26, 2007 at 14:32

    Wait, back up: what’s this quit bullshit?

  63. ifthethunderdontgetya®©³² said,

    April 26, 2007 at 14:40

    I blame teh Left®©³², Norbiz.

  64. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    April 26, 2007 at 14:40

    It’s a convenient place for the hip flask, is all I can say.
    It also adds a new meaning to the phrase “Stoned out of my gourd�.

    They don’t look big enough for a hip flask, although I suppose there’s always some bloke trotting around with the giant “He-man” size gourd with the capacity of a small suitcase (or portmanteau).

    norbizness, I’m ashamed to confess I didn’t even notice it. But at least I knew which Giger he meant. Although that’s probably not a social advantage, since he’s popular with geeks and nerds (yes, which does include me. Sigh).

    D Sidhe, it’s always the ones that have the least in the personality pack that think they’ve got the most. You can always pick the ones with the past lives and the multiple personalities: I shared my house with one of them. There were fairy dolls all over the place, and ‘Tibetan prayer rugs’ she’d bought at the local furniture warehouse, and all the usual crap. She spoke in a breathy sort of blonde voice, and talked a lot about karma. Without, of course, knowing the slightest thing about it.

    People like that do indeed fuck me right off. As do the ones you mentioned in your latest blog post, and I must say I agreed totally, as well as enjoying the post. “Positive thinking” wankers make me want to slap them hard, if only because I can’t share with them the joy of my own malfunctioning neurochemistry.

    Speaking of which, I’m beginning to get the feeling I’m definitely not alone here. So how many of yez are on some kind of happy pills? Better living through chemistry, as they say. I always disdained drugs, but now that I’ve got to be on them for life or my mind will eat itself, I feel much more mellow.

    Well, as mellow as I get, which isn’t saying much.

  65. Simba B. said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:35

    Speaking of which, I’m beginning to get the feeling I’m definitely not alone here. So how many of yez are on some kind of happy pills? Better living through chemistry, as they say. I always disdained drugs, but now that I’ve got to be on them for life or my mind will eat itself, I feel much more mellow.

    I’ve been on them since I was…oh, maybe six years old. At least five different kinds, too. My boyfriend is now on Zoloft too, since we’re discussing teh ghey.

  66. Simba B. said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:37

    And yes, vaginas are indeed icky. No offense, ladies.

  67. Legalize said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:39

    Ace doth protest too much. Vaginas rule.

  68. Ann Althouse said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:44

    No wonder Ace only wanted to dry hump me, and from behind.

    Bacon? Feh!

  69. J— said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:47

    But wait. There’s more. The counter dude is Johannes Wilhem Geiger, more commonly called Hans Geiger. There is an H.R. Geiger out there, in John Dunning’s latest novel.

    Denver bookman Cliff Janeway would have liked Candice Geiger. She loved books with a true bookwoman’s passion. Her collection of first-edition children’s books is the best that Janeway ever hopes to see. Sadly, Janeway and Candice Geiger will never meet. She died much too young. Now, twenty years later, her books remain a testament to an extraordinary woman’s remarkable vision.

    Janeway first learns about the juvenilia collection when Candice’s elderly husband, H. R. Geiger, passes away and Janeway travels to their Idaho home to assess the collection. The estate can’t be distributed until the books are valued, so there’s pressure on Janeway to do the job quickly. But one look at the books tells Janeway something’s wrong. Valuable titles are missing, replaced by cheap reprints. Other hugely valuable pieces remain. Why would a thief take one priceless book and leave an equally valuable volume on the shelf?

    The answer may lie in Candice’s story. The daughter of a wealthy industrialist, she married horse owner and trainer H. R. Geiger at a young age. They traveled the racetrack circuit with some success, as evidenced by winner’s-circle photographs — in which Candice is always a mysterious background figure dressed in white.

    From the publisher’s blurb for The Bookwoman’s Last Fling.

  70. AkaDad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:50

    Perhaps we shouldn’t be so judgmental. A quick diagnosis suggests that Ace may be suffering from a rare disorder called post-pubescent vaginal trauma…

  71. kc said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:53

    Somebody told us there was a sammich in there, somewhere.- kingubu

    Now that made me laugh. And I notice kingubu said “sammich,” not “bunch of celery.”

    My point is, sammiches are just funny. Giant sammiches are even funnier.

  72. Peanutcat said,

    April 26, 2007 at 15:54

    But I bet he thinks gals who don’t like to suck cock aren’t real women.

  73. watertiger said,

    April 26, 2007 at 16:08

    Hey, everyone knows a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a vagina.

    Or something like that.

    Jeeeeeeezus.

  74. joe said,

    April 26, 2007 at 16:16

    “I’d rather not think of Barbara Bush’s vagina, for example.”

    Neither would the rest of us, Leslie. Thanks for that.

    ;-)

  75. J— said,

    April 26, 2007 at 17:42

    Most telling is that the doofus misspelled “cunnilingus.�
    Spelled it “cunninglingus.�
    Vagina dentata/Freudian slip? I’d say so.

    A few more entries from Ace’s Big Book of Sexual Terminology:

    coytus
    fallaciou
    intercoarse

  76. Bruce said,

    April 26, 2007 at 17:43

    I was always taught that the difference between democrats and republicans is that the republicans don’t like cunnilingus. Which, for me, is enough of a reason to never vote for them.

  77. d said,

    April 26, 2007 at 17:56

    Ace is clearly “The Todd” from Scrubs.

  78. Boronx said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:03

    Hrmm, in the last decades there has been an incredible advancement in the status and recognition of homosexuals, but I wonder if there isn’t another, still largely ignored and repressed group, repressed by a society that doesn’t understand their needs and assumes by default that they are just a bunch of losers and weirdos, the asexuals.

    These people don’t have sex, and don’t seem to try to have sex with anyone. I’m no expert, and they could just be very repressed, but it seems possible to me that they also just have a very low sexdrive.

  79. Spirula said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:14

    Who the hell knows what’s going on down there.

    Lots and lots of men and women who really care about their female partners pleasure.

    Wingnuts: Where pussies are for pussies.

  80. Spirula said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:15

    errr…partner’s

  81. c4logic said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:17

    Scared of vaginas???? Sounds like a psychological complex derived from unresolved birth trauma. Check out Stanislav Grof.

  82. kiche said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:18

    ace just let his guard down and informed us A LOT about his personal life.

    that quote he gives is pretty much what i thought about vaginas before i had any sexual experience. “what is going on down there”, “how does that work”, “boy does that look weird, sort of like a flower made of meat”.

    after some real world encounters, though, it doesn’t seem so strange and the biomechanics of it make sense.

    i feel sorry for ace because i doubt he is some youngster for whom the mysteries of life will be revealed in the coming years.

  83. DJ Escher said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:20

    I was dumb enough to look at the comments in Acehole’s thread. Someone actually posted- ACTUALLY POSTED (to put it in Schlusselese)- that one way to tell if your husband was gay was if “he voted Democrat.”

    To paraphrase Max von Sydow in “Hannah and Her Sisters”, can you imagine the level of a mind that posts that? Can you imagine someone here replying to “How can you tell if your husband is a repressed S&M hobbyist?” by saying, with absolutely no snark at all, “Huh, huh if he votes Republican huh huh.” For you right-wing trolls, help me out here– what goes through your mind on a post like that? “Well, they’ve got a room-temperature IQ, but their heart’s in the right place”?

  84. starcane said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:23

    Ace need to watch some of Alexyss Tylor’s [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Zixl1NljA0]Vagina Power[/url]!

  85. starcane said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:23

    Oh well, I don’t know how to do links here. Go to:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Zixl1NljA0

  86. terrible twos said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:24

    vagina! … it’s not just for breakfast anymore!

  87. terrible twos said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:34

    after some real world encounters, though, it doesn’t seem so strange and the biomechanics of it make sense.

    i feel sorry for ace because i doubt he is some youngster for whom the mysteries of life will be revealed in the coming years.

    Harley Davison complained that God’s invention was less than adequately engineered as the intake manifold was placed too close to the exhaust

    God pointed out that his model was endlessly more popular

  88. Sarcastic Man said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:35

    …the avant-garde medium of Play-Doh and bacon.

    Man, if you’re messing around with Play-Doh down there, you’re in entirely the wrong age bracket.

    As for the rest….Mmmm. Bacon.

  89. Freshly Squeezed Cynic said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:38

    I think, at this point, we should add some exceptionally heterosexual men to Ace’s banner. Steadfast warriors, clear in head and pure of heart, clutching tools of martial effort to their bulging muscles as they defend us in the glorious name of sweet liberty!

    Also they are totally naked.

  90. slim said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:46

    Here’s a picture to get Ace hot and bothered.

    Warning: this has some relation to I’d rather not think of Barbara Bush’s vagina, for example.

    Maybe Ace needs a little tutorial from Jon Stewart on what’s going on down there.

  91. Halota Vagina said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:47

    Ace is afraid of the vagina denta…

  92. Freshly Squeezed Cynic said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:53

    Continuing the sexual issues of one Ace of Spades, I’d like to be the first to say:

    What. A. Fucking. Tool.

  93. Innocent Bystander said,

    April 26, 2007 at 18:56

    Before the internets, Ace would be paying a shrink to listen to this stuff.

    If I might substitute a baseball metaphor, I think Ace has a phobia on touching 3rd base. Sounds like he’s an automatic out at homeplate.

  94. Anne Laurie said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:04

    “Play-Doh and bacon”? It’s official — not only has Ace never seen a live vagina, he’s never even talked to someone who’s seen one up close & personal.

    This explains a lot about Ace, none of which will come as a surprise to anyone with an IQ higher than room temperature.

    As for the Real Dolls, after reading an article where the inventor/sculptor/mechanist responsible for the RD talked about some of the repair jobs he’s done… thank Goddess for any alternative that will keep these people safely in their own homes, away from the rest of us.

  95. cosmosis said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:07

    Vagina: it’s what’s for dinner.

  96. Duros62 said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:12

    Man, and you guys get flamed for 3 days about a fat joke?
    WTF.

  97. yuh-uhuh! said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:21

    Either this guy is gay or doesn’t know how to please a woman or both. I hope he’s not married. If he is, I feel sorry for his wife.

  98. tigrismus said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:31

    Maybe if Ace would enjoy it more if he were to pretend it’s a bearded man?

  99. Thorlac said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:37

    “Colonel Angus? What brings you to these parts?” “I’m headed down South.”

  100. ortho_bob said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:45

    A bearded man eating bacon-flavored Play-Doh. And baby octopus. And those things for cutting the ends off cigars.

  101. Diogenes said,

    April 26, 2007 at 19:46

    Argh!

    Not to be too pedantic, but remember that all the fiddly bits on the outside that you can actually see and play around with are all parts of the vulva. The vagina is the slightly less interesting canal that you can’t really see much of without a speculum.

    Neither are icky.

  102. el ranchero said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:03

    Uhh, he does realize where Giger got some of his inspiration, right? There’s kind of a reason why his work is sometimes reminiscent of a vagina…

  103. SamFromUtah said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:03

    but I wonder if there isn’t another, still largely ignored and repressed group, repressed by a society that doesn’t understand their needs and assumes by default that they are just a bunch of losers and weirdos, the asexuals.

    You’re not alone in wondering this – the late lamented Kurt Vonnegut wrote about them in Deadeye Dick. The character might not be the sort of person you’re thinking of, because there’s a traumatic life experience in his past that caused his disinterest in sex, but Vonnegut does point out how asexuals are considered freaks.

    It’s surprising how much conformity and taboo and such centers on the practices of people who have nothing at all to do with whoever’s being squicked out. Happens all over the political spectrum, too – witness the straight men in this thread falling all over themselves to assure us all that they think cunnilingus is teh awesome and the psychoanalyzing of anyone who doesn’t.

  104. mikey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:05

    The vagina is the slightly less interesting canal that you can’t really see much of without a speculum.

    Not So!! I see many of them on the intert00bz. They’re like, everywhere. Honest to gawd, you can’t wave a mouse around without hitting one. Do you want some linkies?

    mikey

  105. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:13

    Um, geniuses?

    It was a joke.

  106. mikey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:19

    Um, geniuses?

    It was a joke.

    Hmmm. Seems to me Ace and Co. had a little dificulty buying that explanation from John Kerry. But now he wants to duck behind it himself? C’mon, that’s fair, right??

    mikey

  107. R.L.Page said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:20

    Sure it was … no, really, we believe you …

  108. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:21

    It’s kind of amazing how dimwitted you guys are. You and Tbogg claim “Republicans are afraid of brown people,” so I start writing dozens of posts in which I confess soiling myself at the sight of a “brown person,” and then, without the slightest evidence of a clue, lefty bloggers link me screaming, “HE SAYS HE’S AFRAID OF BROWN PEOPLE! He said it! He actually said it!”

    Feminist lefties never shut up about how men “fear the power of the vagina,” so I write lots of posts saying “Vaginas are scary,” and then, again, the lefties link me screaming “HE’S AFRAID OF VAGINAS! He said it! He actually said it!”

    Here’s a clue: Google ace of spades fear vagina or ace of spades fear brown people. You’ll see dozens of posts in which I state that this or that very scary thing is “almost as scary as brown person” or “almost as scary as a vagina” or, even worse, “almost as scary as brown person’s vagina.”

    You’re being mocked for you idiotic stereotypes about conservatives. But you continually take this mocking as actual confirmation for the stereotypes that prompted the mocking in the first place.

    You’re just not… what’s the word? Smart. That’s the word I was looking for.

  109. Simba B. said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:21

    Um, geniuses?

    It was a joke

    *sniggers* Oh, isn’t it always, though?

    Surely you can come up with a better excuse.

  110. R.L.Page said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:26

    Wriggle, wriggle, wriggle ….

    Who exactly are you trying to convince?

  111. Simba B. said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:30

    It’s kind of amazing how dimwitted you guys are.

    Funny, seems like the whole point of this blog is to say the exact same thing about you guys.

  112. steve_e said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:32

    We’re all just piling on Ace for laughs (with words, not out bodies!). I don’t necessarily think he revealed some embarrassing inexperience with wimmin parts. I bet there are plenty of guys who don’t like cunnilingus. I am not one of those guys, so, whatever.

    The asexual thing mentioned above does throw me off a bit. I think I may be an aphobe. I wish that was a word.

    Don’t lose sight of the most important issue here: making fun of wingnuts.

  113. Snowwy said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:34

    BWAAAAAhahahahahahaaaa!

    And then he comes a-trolling, all defensive.
    You know you’re hitting a ‘winger where it hurts when the bullshit explanations start.

  114. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:35

    Am I serious here as well, geniuses?

    I kind of am annoyed that I had to put that “disclosure” into the post, but I felt I had to becuase idiotic lefties cannot grasp the concept of irony or when they’re being mocked. Especially the latter.

    I originally posted it without that disclosure, then thought I’d better make this as PLAIN AS DAY for the moron left, otherwise they’d accuse me of “racism” in a review of a movie that is CLEARLY a parody of their own stereotypes.

    Thought it was funnier without that disclosure. But you just can’t trust a lefty to exhibit anything but the stupidest, crudest seltzer-down-the-pants sort of humor.

    Irony is so far beyond you guys. You think that simple sarcasm is elevated humor. It’s, um, not. Everyone employs sarcasm — including me — but it’s a very crude kind of humor.

    Irony is a couple of steps above, and just beyond your capabilities to detect.

  115. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:37

    Regarding Ace’s second attempt at justification, it at least shows that he can take his own words out of context too.

  116. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:38

    OMG, there’s a third attempt. Must-not-read-between-the-lines.

  117. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:40

    Come on, read the review, and then say it:

    “HE’S AFRAID OF BROWN PEOPLE! HE SAID IT! HE ACTUALLY CAME RIGHT OUT AND SAID IT!”

    You know you want to.

    You guys always do. It doesn’t matter how OBVIOUS we make the joke — the joke on YOU, by the way — or even lard it up with disclosures EXPLAINING the joke.

    Nope.

    Always the same.

    “HE’S AFRAID OF BROWN PEOPLE! HE’S AFRAID OF VAGINAS! He said it! He really said it! I always knew it in my heart, but I never thought they would JUST COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT!”

  118. Bruce said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:42

    Hey Ace, all this criticism…we’re just kidding you fucking moron.

  119. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:45

    Bruce,

    It’s a dishonest sort of kidding then. Because a lot of the commenters seem to think this is real, etc.

    Some of you may be in on the joke, but you’re not really willing to let your lefty buddies in on it. Because you do want the knuckledraggers to actually think that my six thousand posts on “fear of vaginas” and “fear of brown people” were seriously meant and hence admissions of the stereotypes so dear to your hearts.

  120. R.L.Page said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:47

    I hate it when people make me feel embarassed for them.

    Put the shovel down, Ace.

  121. mikey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:52

    Irony is so far beyond you guys.

    This is so meta, so circular, so beyond irony my head just exploded. Ace, you get over here right now young man and clean this mess up!!

    mikey

  122. DJ Escher said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:52

    “Um, geniuses? It was a joke.”

    I remember that line from somewhere…
    Oh right, it was the left’s response to the last 10,000 outrage posts
    that Malkin, LGF, and company aimed at the minutiae of irony that escape
    their unhinged eyes.

    Thanks for the tip, Giger Counter Gomer.

  123. Bruce said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:53

    Actually I was kidding about the kidding…..just kidding.

  124. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:53

    On Marcotte’s continuing claim that Duke 3 raped Crystal Gail Mangum:

    She’s borderline delusional to continue insisting a rape occurred even after the corrupt DA withdrew the charges after the lying “victim” recanted….

    But for her, the great overarching “metanarrative” of oppression is the only thing that counts….

    And the metanarrative also says because she’s a woman, that must be the reason she was fired — it couldn’t be that she’s dishonest, delusional, needlessly offensive, hateful, or at least extremely disrespectful, to people of faith, or just plain liberal, which, in case she hadn’t noticed, is something conservatives tend to dislike as an attribute.

    No, none of those reasons fit into the metanarrative. The reason conservatives picked on her is because he has a — wait for it — vagina, which we fear.

    Yes, the complex thoughts of Amanda Marcotte, Policy Wonk — Man = Bad, Woman = Good, Vagina = +5 Vorpal Genitals (double damage against ogres).

    I’ve never seen such complex thinking before. It’s amazing how she avoids the temptation to simplify complex questions into crudely reductivist paradigms and retareded sloganeering. She’s such a policy wonk, I swear, she’s like Mort Kondracke (with a vagina).

    [after quoting a liberal democrat taking her to task]

    Perhaps she’ll take this criticism from a fellow liberal?

    Nahhhhh… he must hate her because she’s got a hoo-hah between her legs.

    Vaginas

    They’re very, very scary. Boo!

    Geniuses,

    Do you think the last part there — Vaginas — They’re very, very scary. Boo! — is serious, or a joke?

    I mean, do I actually have to put mockery of you in a special font like Comic MS for you guys to twig on?

  125. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:55

    Nah, you guys are right.

    Vaginas

    They’re very, very scary. Boo!

    …was obviously a confession of believing vaginas to be pinkish ghosts.

  126. tb said,

    April 26, 2007 at 20:59

    Feminist lefties never shut up about how men “fear the power of the vagina,�

    Oh, I know. It’s always “fear the power of the vaginaâ€?-this and “fear the power of the vaginaâ€?-that with them.

    Seriously, there’s no international law that says you have to prefer pussy to cock. Quit tapdancing, say “I’m a cock man” and be done with it. Shit.

  127. Humbert Dinglepencker said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:00

    Love cunnilingus! Love vaginas! Love sex! And…I’m STILL gay!

  128. mikey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:01

    Ace, m’man, come here. Sit down, Now, breath into this paper bag for a minute. Lemme get you a glass of lemonaid. No, no, keep breathing into the bag. Here’s a cool cloth. Dude, I swear you were about to pass out there. Now try to relax. Jeez, if we lost you, we’d be stuck with assrocket and noonan…

    mikey

  129. R.L.Page said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:01

    Please — stop –

    You’re just going to have deal with it, Ace (if that’s your real name.)
    Having a slow mind that allows only the most crude and simplistic responses, and being foolish enough to keep displaying your stupidity in public, well, you’re going to be mocked.

  130. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:03

    Well, by word-count Ace loses the troll-match easily. To try to put this particular comment in the “I made ironic vagina jokes before!”, uh, box is simply sad. It positively squirts sincerity.

  131. R.L.Page said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:04

    One more thing, Ace: you really should get over this delusion that you are (or ever have been) funny. Comedy is just not your strong suit.

  132. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:04

    Well we’ve hit the inevitable point in a discussion with a liberal, the point of childish insistence that the liberals’ claims, though thoroughly disproven, are still true — fake but accurate. It just all proves that you’re not only dishonest, but craven and shameless about your dishonesty– as if dishonesty is a positive virtue when dealing with an “enemy.”

    You know, you just can’t admit, because you have the intellecutal integrity of a five year old.

    But be on notice that a LOT of crap your little talentless blog heroes post for you is similarly dishonest. The Sadly, No! guys obviously read my blog every other day if not more frequently, so they know this schtick, and they know I’ve been doing the fear of vaginas/brown person joke for a year, but they passed it on to you as a genuine confession of “fear of the vagina” (HE SAID IT! He really said it!), lying to you, basically.

    But you don’t mind, because a lie in the service of “The Truth” is no vice.

  133. VJB said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:04

    Don’t forget the anchovy connection. Best with oil and garlic on pasta. There’s an image for you.

  134. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:07

    Ace, baby?
    At best your joke defense shows how inept you are at comedy. Jokes need an inner core of humor, so that they’re funny. That’s what makes them jokes.
    N besides, that you’d make that joke and how you made it remain revealing, despite your thrashing around. That you care enough to come here about it betrays you.
    Also, get yer own damn blog. If I want to read your semi literate rantings I want a sugary coating of SN! snarkery with it, dipshit.

  135. tb said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:07

    You’re the one living a lie. Quit hiding behind this “joke” dodge.

  136. Kathleen said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:11

    tee hee. this thread delivers.

    Ace you forgot to mention how much we, The Left, love terrorists, in you lengthy defense/insult up there. Quel surprise. I am sure you have a macro for it.

  137. R.L.Page said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:12

    [Just between you and me, Ace -- has it occurred to you that this was written because they knew you'd show up and be all 'unhinged' and 'screechy'? If you need any help getting that hook out, let me know.]

  138. Kathleen said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:14

    shorter Ace: I hate Straw Liberals. And I am not gay.

  139. Thorlac said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:16

    Ace, just admit to being gay and be done with it. People might like you better; hell, you might even like yourself better. And it’ll make our eventual discovery of your Real Pork Sausage Weekends less painful.

  140. LA Confidential Pantload said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:17

    Uh, oh….this looks like it’s descending into cock-slapping – and you KNOW what happens then….

  141. steve_e said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:18

    Can we setup a comment that will allow Ace to leave gracefully?

    I’m putting a feeler out there. Someone else has to deliver the message.

    I don’t like seeing someone prolong their suffering by egging on the people bullying them.

  142. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:21

    “Yes, the complex thoughts of Amanda Marcotte, Policy Wonk — Man = Bad, Woman = Good, Vagina = +5 Vorpal Genitals (double damage against ogres).”
    Ace?
    This is an actual sentence you wrote.
    Just now.
    You’re not helping yourself.
    I played AD&D too, and you implied vaginas behead people in combat on lucky rolls. This goes to what I was saying before about your jokes being unintentionally revealing.

  143. Harry Cheddar said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:37

    “You dumb assholes. It’s just a joke. See I really love the cooters. Lu-lu-lu-lu-luv. Dat. Furby. Fuckin’ morans.”

    Dude, this shit is tearing me up. Laughed so hard I think I peed a little.

  144. R.L.Page said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:38

    p://whiskeyfire.typepad.com/whiskey_fire/2007/04/red_men_and_the.html#comments

    Better get over there right away, Ace; it looks like another bunch of Wicked Leftists in need of a lecture on “Truth.” (That is what you think you do, right? “the Truth”?)

  145. RubDMC said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:40

    So this putz named Ace, if it really is the same putz, comes here and blah blah blah’s about “I was just joking, it was only a joke, you guys are teh stoopid to see it was a joke, blah blah blah…” all the while forgetting one of Marshall McLuhan’s key admonitions, namely:

    every joke has an underlying grievance.

    Putz.

  146. Some Guy said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:41

    Hey, can you guys freaking keep it down over here? I’m trying to get a goddamn nap in before work, and I can’t effing sleep over the din of Ace’s wild, some may say overly aggressive, defensiveness.

  147. Albert64 said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:44

    Is that what they mean by “the proof is in the pudding”?

  148. NobodySpecial said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:48

    [...]lying to you, basically.

    But you don’t mind, because a lie in the service of “The Truth� is no vice.

    Pot, meet fucking Kettle. Or maybe not. After all, they’re both black.

    This, however, is absolutely funny as hell coming from a guy with a whole litany of lies in service of his ‘Truth’.

    Like his statement that El-Baradei said Iran was three months from a bomb, when the article he linked never said three months. Ace pulled it from – where else? Out of his ass.

  149. spencer said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:48

    I was dumb enough to look at the comments in Acehole’s thread. Someone actually posted- ACTUALLY POSTED (to put it in Schlusselese)- that one way to tell if your husband was gay was if “he voted Democrat.�

    This made me laugh out loud, for reasons that I’m not altogether proud of.

    Let’s just say . . . oh, forget it.

  150. cokane said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:48

    ace, you and your commenters seem to know alot about what makes someone gay, and that the vagina is gross

  151. ace said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:49

    Ahem…

    Given the fact that leftist men (and women) skew a hell of a lot more gay than conservative ones, and given your vaunted “tolerance” that proclaims that saying “homo” or calling someone a fag is the worst sort of speech possible…

    …do you guys really want to go down this road?

    It never ceases to amaze me how quick lefties are to call other people queer. And yet when the same is said of them or their heroes they scream bloody murder.

    But of course fags — allow me to use the word that you’re using — are greatly overrepresented on the left.

    So: I’m being called a faggot by a group that’s about 50% faggot themselves (adding in those who engaged in a little “college experimention,” and we know that what happens in college stays in college, right?).

    Whatever.

    And don’t knock me for saying fag and faggot. You’re using the word yourselves — if you’re not actuallly saying it, you’re using words that mean the same thing (i.e., calling someone gay in order to denigrate them).

    Anyway, faggots (and honestly, such a high percentage of liberal men are either gay or nebbishy and effeminite), later.

    I’m going back to my blog to reveal more about my deep fears about the vagina.

  152. Inquiring Minds said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:53

    Ace, baby, we’re not trying to denigrate you by asking you to admit you’re gay. We’re trying to get you to relieve the deep psychic pain you feel everyday. The point is we think it’s great that you’re gay. What we don’t like is your unwillingness to accept it. That’s where the homophobia is.

  153. J— said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:54

    Ace, you better get over to Pandagon and Lawyers, Guns, and Money to set the record straight. They seem to have missed the irony as well.

  154. Progressive Gold » Blog Archive » Behind The Meat Curtains said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:55

    [...] blogger and favourite target of those Sadly Nosian scamps, Ace O’ Spades, is the cause of much current hilarity at liberal US blogs for his take on a [...]

  155. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:56

    So: I’m being called a faggot

    I count four uses of this word, all in one comment by a guy called Ace.

  156. steve_e said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:57

    And don’t knock me for saying fag and faggot. You’re using the word yourselves — if you’re not actuallly saying it, you’re using words that mean the same thing (i.e., calling someone gay in order to denigrate them).

    Well, if we like gay people, how can we be denigrating them?

  157. tb said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:57

    That’s an ugly word, Ace. You’re being “denigrated” for your lack of self-awareness, not for your apparent gayness.

  158. RobW said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:58

    “You think that simple sarcasm is elevated humor. It’s, um, not.”

    Ace thinks that “um” is a word. It’s not.

    Ok, that’s what I was just about to write before he went off on that amazing string of non-sequitors and declared victory. He parodies himself; how convenient!

    So, Ace, since you were only joking, may we assume then that you do like to eat pussy after all? Fag.

    (Yes, this is a joke. And so is this. But this isn’t. Unless it’s funny, then it is. Never mind, I’ll wait to see if anyone laughs at me, then I’ll decide if it was meant to be funny or not.)

  159. cokane said,

    April 26, 2007 at 21:58

    Ace, you’re such a clown.

    “Best friend gay — okay, I can see that one going either way; one of my best buds is a homo. Turned off by cunninglingus? Eh, a lot of guys don’t dig that. Who the hell knows what’s going on down there.”

    Where’s the irony in this post? Sounds like an honest confession to me.

    Were you being ironic about having a gay friend too?

  160. Pabst Blue Ribbon said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:00

    Seems to me Ace’s ability to conflate gay and fag says more than his feelings about vaginas.

  161. Gentlewoman said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:02

    I’ll ride shotgun with you, mikey. I think Mencken needs a decent weekend. We’ll figure out #4 on the way . . .

    #4: Swing by SW MO, pick up GW and Ganesh Bengal Cat (as long as the road trip is before July, because I am moving back to CT in July).

    We will get totally wasted!! (Except for GBC, he will probably just break a bunch of HTML’s furniture or something, and fall off of things, and we can all laugh.)

    We will rock out to good and bad music, and quarrel about which is which.

    We will go to low dives that serve good beer and argue about political economy.

    We will make totally wasted!! telephone calls to Bradrocket and Travis and Gavin and DA and Mister Leonard, but not Seb because it’s too expensive unless there is intertubes telephone, in which case we WILL call Seb and wake him and his entire family up and they will all wish that they were there with us!!!1!!

    There may even be drunkblogging, in the steps of Teh Master of alicublog.

    Well, there’s that Spring Fling sorted, then.

    Oh, and Ace, jokes are supposed to be funny, you pompous, deluded twit.

    Ooooooh watch out! Here come the evil liberals after poor, persecuted Ace!

    Dimwit. We’ve got better things to do.

    People only kick your worthless ass because it amuses them when they have some downtime from taking our country back from demented fuckwits like you.

    Nobody cares what you think about brown people, vaginas, or anything else. We just point and laugh at you because you are an idiot.

  162. Harry Cheddar said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:03

    “Who you callin’ fag, ya fags? Its funny a bunch of butt burglers are questioning my manhood. Ya’ll know you ‘effeminite’, and not all manly like me. MANLY. I’m so damn manly I could go to Iraq and cockslap a democracy outta dem ragheads. And I would too, except for the bum knee. So just eat it you fruitboys”.

    Uh-huh.

  163. Simba B. said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:07

    Given the fact that leftist men (and women) skew a hell of a lot more gay than conservative ones

    *smirks* You just make it too easy.

    You don’t really believe this do you? Another one of your jokes, perhaps? Because if 2006 taught us anything (*cough* Ted Haggard *cough*), it’s that the Republican party (*ahem* Ken Mehlman *ahem*) is just one big fat self-hating closet case.

    Come out and be done with it. You’ll enjoy it a lot more if you do.

  164. ellenbrenna said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:29

    The problem with your recitation of our failure to grasp your humor Ace is that the paragraph in question is one in which you switched gears to state that not all of the indicators on the list actually mean the person is gay. You started by citing your “best bud” as apparent evidence that straight men can have gay friends and then proceeded directly to the statement that plenty of men don’t like to go down. The implication being that none of this makes them any less straight.

    If you were being serious in the first half of the paragraph then the comic device you were employing in the second half was likely hyperbole, not irony. Hyperbole about how disgusting the pussy is, could indicate that you in fact find them disgusting or at least find it excusable that others do so. If the entire paragraph is serious then everyone is justified in joking that you are afraid of the pussy. If the entire paragraph is ironic, then everyone here is justified in joking about your latent homosexuality.

    Poor writing, like an election, has consequences.

  165. Captain Annoying said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:29

    Has Jeff Goldstein been guest-blogging at Ace this whole time? Because these lame-ass attempts at “steering into the skid” w/r/t vaginaphobia definitely carry the whiff of Pasty.

  166. NobodySpecial said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:30

    So: I’m being called a faggot by a group that’s about 50% faggot themselves (adding in those who engaged in a little “college experimention,� and we know that what happens in college stays in college, right?).

    Ace’s grasp of statistics is about as good as his grasp of biology, it seems.

  167. Comedy Gold said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:32

    Ace is so cute. Generally, when a funny human being wants to use that hip, hilarious irony, he utilizes a well-worn cliche to signal that he’s being unserious.

    EXAMPLE: “Turned off by cunnilingus? Well, you know how much the patriarchy fears the vagina.”

    If it’s a recurring theme on his website, which regular readers will be familiar with, he might even drop the joke with a straight face and run the risk that newbies and outsiders might take him seriously.

    EXAMPLE: “Turned off by cunnilingus? Eh, a lot of guys don’t dig that. Who the hell knows what’s going on down there… it’s a scary place.”

    But not our Ace. Like the kid who gets so wrapped up in the game of Truth or Dare that he blurts out the sort of truth he should keep to himself… “I like dressing up in my mom’s underwear!”… Ace doesn’t really understand the game. He comes up with a clever reference and embellishes it with bizarre, graphic, disgusting detail that no one who actually enjoys the female body would ever dream up in a million years.

    Then, naturally, he backpedals and tries to insult people who didn’t *get* the joke. You know, Ace, I’d wager that nearly everyone understood that you were TRYING to be funny. Just like Dan Savage was trying to be funny when he made a similar comment a while back. Except, um, Dan Savage is gay.

    We’re laughing, because your joke revealed more about you than you wanted to reveal. The joke’s on you, homes.

  168. MCH said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:32

    Like oh, m’God. This is, like,totally tubular, ya know, right?

  169. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:32

    Ace, since you’re lurking, here’s something simple enough for you to understand; if you have to repeatedly assert you’re not gay, and you’re not in high school or a frat, you are almost certainly gay.
    It’s ok. Admitting it to yourself will likely make you much less angry at the world around you.

  170. Mehitabel the Abyssinian said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:33

    Yo there, Ganesh Bengal Cat.
    What do you call a large, spotted cat who’s daft enough to keep walking into those booby-trapped boxes for the Schrodinger’s Cat experiments?
    .
    .
    .
    A Jeopard.
    .
    .
    .
    .It was a joke, OK?

  171. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:35

    * or sporting events, many bars, areas of the South, etc.
    Not here, is my point.

  172. J— said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:42

    Meanwhile, back at the HQ, Ace has been scribbling furiously.

  173. Klein's Tiny Left Nut said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:49

    I think Ace needs one o’ them women without the scary lady parts like I seen in some of my e-mails. He’d be used to working with the equipment.

  174. J— said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:50

    Also, I took up Ace’s suggestion and googled his site for “cunnilingus.” The search shows the term appears in one previous post, a 12/15/05 entry entitled “Anderson Cooper: My Mother is a Dirty, Dirty Whore.” Ace will have to explain whether or not he was using irony, for I’m too dense to discern.

  175. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:57

    Also, I took up Ace’s suggestion

    Me too. I got 144 hits on vagina fear. Okay, up to about the first 20 or 30 maybe it’s an in-joke, but further is a pathology.

    Those poor Sadly, No! boys have an extreme one with “Sadly, No!” but fortunately I dunno what the fuck it adds up to.

  176. a cranny mint said,

    April 26, 2007 at 22:58

    My question to Ace is – do your readers realize that you are joking? I see that excuse all the time used by the same people whenever they are called on some outrageous comment or other. (see Rush Limbaugh). If most of your readers respond to the comment as if it was truly serious then I say the joke defense is a little thin.

  177. The Velvet Blog said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:03

    Ace gets 22,000 hits a day? Who the heck is reading him, other than those looking for laughs?

  178. Ganesh Bengal Cat said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:04

    Mehitabel, you are SO not my bgf any more.

    I walked into the booby-trapped box ONCE. One. Time. Well, twice, tops. That I can remember.

    And there was absolutely nothing going on and nothing to eat, so I screamed until the handmaiden came and got me out. And she didn’t have her specs on, and she said she wasn’t going to be Teh Observer. Whatever that is. I don’t think I need one, so long as I have a handmaiden to open the tins and clean the litter pans.

    You’d think that Schrodinger dude would have been smart enough to figure out that: 1. Put cat in box with NOTHING TO EAT and NO TOYS, not even catnips, and no litter pan, 2. Cat yells fucking head off, thus proving…whatever, 3. Get the fucking cat out of the fucking box, looser! 4. Duh!

    Qetesh is way prettier than you, btw. Especially since her fur grew back. And she does not tell jokes that are NOT FUNNY.

    PS I am also NOT GAY. Whatever that is. This weird Ace dude seems to think it’s bad, so unless it has something to do with trying to hump my sister every chance I get, I’m not gay.

    And jokes about ‘eating pussy’ are totally NOT FUNNY EITHER. So just stop. Or I will FUCK Y’ALL’S shit UP, do you hear me?

    I mean it. I will BREAK things! Don’t make me come over there.

    Ooooh, salmon for lunch. Laters!

  179. benrand said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:07

    I haven’t seen this kind of a sexual witch hunt since Ken STarr.

    Good job nutbars. Always prying into the private sexual lives of people, huh.

    Ever ask yourself why you are more puritanical than Kenny?

  180. Smiling Mortician said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:11

    Captain Annoying, for future reference, I would prefer not to read “skid,” “vaginaphobia,” “whiff,” and “Pasty” in the same sentence. Thank you.

  181. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:13

    *giggles*
    I like you, benrand. You give good troll. Less is more.

  182. mikey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:16

    “Hey Skid” I hollered back down the hill, “as soon as you get over your vaginaphobia, get up here and take a big whiff of this – I swear it’ll make you a little less Pasty”….

    mikey

  183. Lesley said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:19

    So Ace, let me get this straight.

    As far as you’re concerned, vaginas are wonderful and cunnilingus is better than chocolate (if you’re a chocolate man).

    (I haven’t seen you say this yet, only “it was a joke!”.)

  184. MCH said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:20

    Here come the manly man defenders, the neo-300 out to stop our bacon-and-Play-Doh-ified metrofabulous Islamofascifeministic gaybortionism! I’m quaking in my fucking Birkenstocks.

    (That’s a joke… the quaking, that is. I’m actually wearing Birkenstocks right now. And i drive a VW, and I think I forgot my deodorant this morning. But I hate Phish.)

  185. Never heard of this POS blog before Ace made you famous said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:26

    It’s kinda sad that this is the only way you can get traffic here.

    I bet half of the “commenters” here are sock puppets.

    Ok kiddies, back to class now, and thanks for the tribute.

  186. Anne Laurie said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:28

    “Given the fact that leftist men (and women) skew a hell of a lot more gay than conservative ones, and given your vaunted “toleranceâ€? that proclaims that saying “homoâ€? or calling someone a fag is the worst sort of speech possible…”

    Wrong twice, and you’ve hardly gotten your sentence started, Ace-hole.

    Comedy is a double-edged sword, and you’re not skilled enough to use even the sharp scissors.*

    Available evidence (Haggard, Mehlman, Gannon, Foley) indicates there are quite as many gay conservatives as gay liberals. Proclaiming your hatred of faggotry and threatening to beat people up doesn’t make you less gay, it just makes you even less fun to be around.

    And we don’t think “calling someone a fag is the worst sort of speech possible”. We think calling for people to be fired, driven out of their homes, separated from their loved ones, beaten up, or murdered for what you conservatards perceive as the “sin” of being gay (or female, or not-white, or not-xtian, or any of your many other bugaboos) is “the worst sort of speech possible”. Since you usually follow the accusation with the fatwa, those of us who don’t hate gays, women, not-whites & the unchurched can safely assume that you don’t use the F-word unless you intend to attack somebody.

    Ace, you’re like my fat middle-aged lapdog, who always makes a noise like a meth-fueled chimpanzee just before she tries to savage someone’s leg. She’s not capable of doing any actual harm (even if she weighed more than a bag of ice cubes, she’s lost most of her teeth), but it’s unpleasant to hear & to watch, not to mention socially embarrassing to keep apologizing to one’s guests for the hair & drool all over their shoes. So now, when she starts making chimp noises, she gets punted into another room until she has the chance to calm down. Or sprayed with the garden hose. Imagine us spraying you down, Ace. But only for your own safety, and the good of the garden party in general.

    (*Hey guys-not-Ace: Any bets on how long till he imagines that sentence as some kind of castration threat? Hee hee!)

  187. Matt T. said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:29

    I bet half of the “commenters� here are sock puppets.

    Man, someone shoot this clown a link to the Great Sammich Wars of 2007.

  188. mikey said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:34

    It’s kinda sad that this is the only way you can get traffic here.

    I know you are, but what am I?

    I bet half of the “commenters� here are sock puppets.

    Sure are. And the other half are the sock puppets on the other hand. Think about that, man…It’ll trip you out…

    Ok kiddies, back to class now, and thanks for the tribute.

    You’re welcome, tuff guy. We sure are glad you’re keeping us safe from those awful muslims, just as I’m sure that fragile flower Ace is glad you came to save him from those mean lefties…

    mikey

  189. a different brad said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:34

    NHOTPOSBBAMYF-
    Marry me. I don’t care which type of squishy parts you have between your legs, marry me. I don’t like guys, apart from Rick Moran, but marry me.

  190. TRex said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:42

    Oh, god, Ace, you are SUCH A FAG!!

  191. MCH said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:43

    diffbrad: As long as it’s not Rick Moranis.

    Or Brian Moran, the guy wingers are always telling us to “get”.

  192. doc said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:48

    I always thought you lefties were just dishonest and willfully ignorant. Seems the simplest explanation is the best; you’re astoundingly stupid. Look up irony in the dictionary. If you can’t understand that one, try sarcasm or satire.

  193. REDSHarK said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:50

    What could Ace actually believe he’s saying? Accepting the premise that he believe that there exists this feminist argument that conservative men are afraid of the vagina, he has said, perhaps 144 times, that he is SOOOO scared of the vagina. This would show in a child’s version of ironic humor that is so not afraid of the vagina that he can make a joke about it. (144 being one definition of the word “gross” is some unitentional irony) In the context of mocking an article about signs that your husband may be gay he addresses the question of being “Turned off by cunninglingus?” And notes that a lot of guys are turned off by it, it’s liek giving up something beautiful and artistic for something crude and undefinable. This is where I get lost and I’m sorry I’ve spent too much time thinking about this not to just post this and move on, but what makes this ironic. Is this SOOOO obviously not true that we should laugh at the idea that some straight men would ever not be turned on by going down? If that is ironic doesn’t that make the ABC “news” article he’s mocking completely rational? Then he goes on a rampant comment tear, arguing stridently that we are such “geniuses” for not realizing that this comment follows his gross of “fear of the vagina” jokes. That’s followed by a long rambling cryptic post on his own blog abuot his enaging in an argument over here, of course with no reference or link to show what the hell he’s talking about. As someone earlier posted, who is he trying to convince? Most of the wingnut delusions are fueled by a kind of groupthink. But how do you deny the plain meaning of your own words. I think he may have taken wingnutia to a whole new level of denial.

  194. The Left Hand of Sockness said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:51

    The only bad thing about being a gay leftist is it makes it tough to meet my abortion quota. Thank Darwin godless science will soon solve that problem!

  195. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:53

    It should be noted that Sadly, No! has a better Ace logo than Ace does.

  196. Dexter McSockington said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:55

    Too true, lefty!

  197. Count Sockula said,

    April 26, 2007 at 23:56

    Comment exists to show off new name.

  198. Puppenhäuser said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:03

    Great name, me! Too bad the aceholes left, they were the only real people here! Otherwise it’s just me all the time. Makes it hard to get all the laundry and irony done.

  199. kingubu said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:04

    Oh, man. This is the best Miss Sally SadNo thread ever.

  200. Those Darned Sockordians! said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:08

    Sock Puppet War! First blog to eat a pussy is a fag! The losers have to go to ob-gyn camp!

  201. a cranny mint said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:12

    Being such an expert of satire, I bet doc just loves Jon Swift.

    BTW, his latest post is on Chris Muir
    Day by Day is sometimes called a conservative Doonesbury but it is actually a lot more than that. Like Doonesbury Muir often buries his punchlines, but he has gone Doonesbury one better by making it rarely funny at all. By avoiding jokes altogether Muir never distracts us from the Very Important Points he’s making.

  202. Kathleen said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:12

    mikey said,
    April 26, 2007 at 23:34
    I bet half of the “commenters� here are sock puppets.

    Sure are. And the other half are the sock puppets on the other hand. Think about that, man…It’ll trip you out…

    oh man that made me laugh.

  203. Ann Althouse said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:13

    How can someone discuss sock puppets and not mention the unfair treatment I have received at this blog? I think by not mentioning me, you actually were mentioning me.

  204. Judy Carne said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:13

    Sock it to me, baby!

  205. Der Footischksin Coverink Mit Fun-Laffk Face On Der Footinsk Is How You Are Sayink, Poppitsk, Yah? said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:14

    Ace sux dicks like youse fer breakfast!

  206. —J said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:16

    Not only sock puppets, but steppup kcos too!

  207. AkaDad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:21

    Vagina: I’ts what’s for brunch.

  208. Oregon Guy said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:23

    Yeah, I counted. Ace brought “faggot” to this thread. All other uses of the term are quoting him.

    But its our fault.

  209. ソックス�パペット said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:24

    What is the sound of one sock puppet commenting?

  210. Fear of a Snatch Planet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:26

    Minge stinx! Cox rule!

  211. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:28

    Where did all the oral socks come from?

  212. Lamb Chop said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:29

    And, just to bring it all full circle: sock porn

  213. Sockrates said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:30

    I know exactly what Ace believes he isn’t talking about.

  214. mikey said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:30

    Shorter AcePuppets Inc.:

    Goddam it you guys, Ace is totally not gay, just cut it out now or I’m tellin…

    mikey

  215. Ingsock said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:35

    This is doubleplusunvagina!!!!

  216. BDIII said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:40

    Aye, ya yie.

    Just had to chime in with a retort similar to several peeps upthread. Namely, the ONLY folks I’ve ever heard talk about women parts like that have been gay friends over the years. I mean the language was nearly verbatim.

    While not every str8 dude is koo-koo for going down on a lady, and not every fella cares enough about his female partner’s pleasure to actually figure out what goes on down there, never, never, never have I heard a het-ro male describe the ol’ 2-page book as an icky, unknowable unknown. That is far and away the province of teh gaze.

  217. AkaDad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:41

    I bet Ace wouldn’t be scared if he realized that it tastes like chicken…

  218. barack hussein obama said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:42

    So you all got the joke, but pretended not to so you could insinuate that Ace was gay even though liberals have been screaming at everyone for years that there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Is it just Republican gays you have a problem with, because you think they hate themselves, or is it all gays? Or do you not have a problem with gays at all, but still feel it’s ok to call people gay in an insulting manner?

  219. Yitsock Rabin said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:44

    Shalom, my fellow sock puppets!

  220. tb said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:46

    Please note: In all future correspondance I will refer to Ace as Captain Cocksickle.

  221. Siffl said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:53

    Did someone send for a sockpuppet ?

  222. Ganesh Bengal Cat, Not A Suckpuppet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:53

    I’m not a suckpuppet. Whatever that is.

    I’m a fucking Bengal Cat, dammit!

    And I’m totally not gay, too, just like that Ace dude.

    Totally not gay, and totally not a suckpuppet. Me and that Ace dude.

    Totally. Not. Gay.

    Or a suckpuppet.

    Whichever comes first.

  223. MobiusKlein said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:53

    How come so much talk about the alleged ugliness of vaginas, but no pictures to help us find out for sure?

    We demand proof, one way or the other. To do that properly we need evidence. Lots of it. In Hi-res, 24 bit color.

  224. Shersock Holmes said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:54

    Or do you not have a problem with gays at all, but still feel it’s ok to call people gay in an insulting manner?

    There are cases when an insult is in the eye of the beholder, yes?

  225. not a sockpuppet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:55

    ok. I’ll change my name and ask again-

    So you all got the joke, but pretended not to so you could insinuate that Ace was gay even though liberals have been screaming at everyone for years that there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Is it just Republican gays you have a problem with, because you think they hate themselves, or is it all gays? Or do you not have a problem with gays at all, but still feel it’s ok to call people gay in an insulting manner?

  226. Mr Socko said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:55

    Or do you not have a problem with gays at all, but still feel it’s ok to call people gay in an insulting manner?

    Gay is an insult? To Ace or to gays? Or are you being ironical, too? I am just a sock, I fell behind the washer and was missing for months, your world frightens and confuses me.

  227. Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:56

    Hey, quit schtealing my schtick!

  228. not a sockpuppet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:58

    There are cases when an insult is in the eye of the beholder, yes?

    Do you not think this thread was intended as an insult to Ace?

  229. AkaDad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 0:58

    One good thing has come from this thread. I now know what I’m having for a midnight snack tonight…

  230. a different brad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:08

    Dear Acetards,
    Your argument amounts to “ace make joke. why you not laugh?”
    It’s because the words one uses in all occasions reveal things about the speaker, and ace done showed a bit of himself whut yer ‘side’ thinks is eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeevil. I have no qualms using your or ace’s closet case generated homophobia against you. If you’re going to be so stupid as to be homophobic you have to deal with more capable minds playing with your paranoia sometimes.

  231. Karl Rove II said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:09

    That.was.fucking.sweeeet.

  232. 4/sock/hamper said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:10

    Do you not think this thread was intended as an insult to Ace?

    More of a wake-up call, really.

  233. J— said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:16

    I now know what I’m having for a midnight snack tonight…

    Pasta with Newman’s Own Sockarooni Sauce?

  234. a different brad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:17

    Ace’s post on all this is fucking AWESOME. It ends up with him basically crying that the mean lefty blogs are jealous of how awesome he n the rightwing blogs are.
    Where’s ann althouse to referee this all? I don’t feel like logging out.

  235. jeff said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:18

    I also find vaginas icky. That’s because I am gay. Like Ace, perhaps, and many other homosexuals, I like men. (Though not Ace.)

  236. JT said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:21

    I know. I know what the hell is going on down there with vaginas. And if they were made of play-doh and bacon, I’d still put my tongue in there on a moment’s notice.

    I like vaginas, and vaginas like me. Me and their owners are a little more ambivalent, but I’ll tell you, as a straight man, there’s no ambivalence between me and the vagina.

    I have no idea what the hell he is talking about.

    Maybe if he sent me a picture of the vaginas in question I could explain to him in more detail what the hell is going on down there. I’m quite sure I won’t be making any Geiger references, either.

    I even like cooking. But then again, I like to eat food, so there’s nothing gay there. Lots of straight men eat food. But all straight men like vagina. Seriously. It’s kind of a requirement to get into the club.

  237. BDIII said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:25

    Gay as in insult? Only to those who’d be insulted at such a “slur”.

    It’s kinda like a snake eating its own tail.

    Uhh, didn’t mean to say “tail”. Or snake. Or eat, really. Don’t get the wrong idea.

    Oh… now I’ve stepped in it.

  238. Socky McSockington III said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:27

    HTML, how about an online pole? (Never forget Poland!)

    Ace:

    Gay?

    Not Gay?

  239. a different brad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:28

    JT’s words made me realize an important point. If giners really were made of bacon most of these guys would be far more willing to get their tongues tired.
    I also like that all of ace’s defenders are focused on the ‘charges’ of homosexuality, and not with the suggestion ace has never pleased a woman. Might this, again, be onea them revealing moments?

  240. Socky McStockingfeet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:29

    I am NOT a puppet! I’m more a particular example of a type of hosiery.

  241. Hysterical Sock said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:32

    Explain the joke to us stupid lefties, ‘kay?

  242. Charged With Homosexuality said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:32

    Who you callin’ Ace, eh?

  243. The Socko and Vanzetti Case said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:36

    teh Long Thread is here!

  244. Ace Eye for the St8 Guyâ„¢ said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:36

    Eh, indeed!

  245. sonic said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:36

    “do you not have a problem with gays at all, but still feel it’s ok to call people gay in an insulting manner?”

    We are calling him gay in a complimentary manner!

  246. Sockspeare said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:37

    Do you not think this thread was intended as an insult to Ace?

    I believe it was intended to be a joke for us. The contrast between who we are and who we pretend to be has provided hilarity and tragedy to everyone who ever liked a story. If Ace gets tizzilogically tizzified it’s just the bukkake on the princess.

  247. Siffl said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:38

    The “Truth” is that liberals are better people, and that’s all that matters.

    Posted by: ace at April 26, 2007 07:34 PM (+u1X0)

  248. not a sockpuppet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:39

    . I have no qualms using your or ace’s closet case generated homophobia against you.

    So it’s ok to be homophobic as long as it suits your purposes?

    More of a wake-up call, really.

    For what?

  249. Hosehead said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:40

    Oh the cruel hypocrisy of the left, pretending they think vegetarianism is ok then insulting people by insinuating they don’t like to eat bacon. SHAME!

  250. a different brad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:42

    At best, more like it’s ok for you to be homophobic if it makes us laugh, which is still maybe sorta a tiny bit wrong but I’ll manage to sleep tonight.

  251. Sockly So said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:42

    This thread is teh s0CKxx0r !!1!1!

  252. The Socko and Vanzetti Case said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:43

    For what?

    My cock! Open up an say “ah,” Acetard.

  253. Happenis is a Warm Sock said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:43

    The man in the crowd with the multicoloured mirrors
    On his hobnail boots
    Lying with his eyes while his hands are busy
    Working overtime

  254. You're Socking In It said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:44

    After a gut-busting trip up ol’ Ace Lane… er, after enjoying Ace’s new post, it seems that he and his top-drawer minions are involved in a heated debate about how [the Sadly No types] “just don’t get it”.

    Dudes, if you gotta put THAT much effort it to explaining your jokes… yeesh. Ace, buddy, maybe it’s time to move on, ya know. Sure, keep writing, but maybe it’s time to try yor hand at instruction manuals or blueprints or something a little less, mmmm, subjective.

  255. J— said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:46

    And fellas, put a sock on that puppet!

  256. Socksuckers R Us said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:47

    one of my best buds is a homo

    Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.

  257. The joy of socks said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:48

    This argument has become completely sockular.

  258. keri said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:49

    Leonard Pierce said,

    April 26, 2007 at 4:14

    Is…is there a Mrs. Ace? Because I bet she gets in the mood real quick when he comes home with a couple of Bud Lites in him and hollers “Get your Play-Doh/bacon hole ready, I might be able to get it up tonight!�

    Hahaha

  259. Sock Knocker said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:49

    Taking bets:

    Somewhere on Ace’s myspace page he refers to himself as “misunderstood.”

    Step right up, step right up.

  260. Worst. President. Ever. said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:49

    C’mon Ace, if God didn’t want us to eat it, He wouldn’t have made it look like a taco.

  261. AkaDad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:50

    For what?

    An intervention?

  262. a different brad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:50

    Guess what?
    ….

    FART

    That is a very funny joke. I’m sorry if you’re not mature enough to get it. I’m gonna hang out with the 2nd graders.

  263. Suffering Sockatash!11! said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:51

    Poor, poor Ace!

    Won’t somebody kiss it and make it better?

  264. sonic said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:52

    He has just written another 300 word comment on his own blog asking, nay demanding, that we accept this is a long-standing “joke”

    And of course “jokes” have no meaning at all.

  265. J— said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:52

    Re: Ace’s recent post in which he describes how he bravely ventured into this very post and came out more intellectually honest than before

    This is actually a step up for the Ace of Spades. Before he would write paeans to the bravery and wisdom of other wingnuts, such as Jeff Goldstein. He’s come into his own as a wingnut and now has enough confidence and pride in his own abilities to celebrate himself. By himself.

  266. Suffering Sockatash!11! said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:54

    He has just written another 300 word comment on his own blog asking, nay demanding, that we accept this is a long-standing “joke�

    Oh, this joke will be standing for a long time, alrighty!

  267. A Sock and a Hard Place (Meaning: A Penis) said,

    April 27, 2007 at 1:57

    Ahhhh, Peans and Wingnuts. Now you’re speaking Ace’s language.

    RE:J— said, April 27, 2007 at 1:52

  268. Anne Laurie said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:12

    He’s come into his own as a wingnut and now has enough confidence and pride in his own abilities to celebrate himself. By himself.

    As long as he does it behind closed doors. And washes his hands afterwards…

  269. The joy of socks said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:17

    Won’t somebody kiss it and make it better?
    Ah, back at last to the original topic.

  270. Stephen Ockham said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:17

    Shorter Ace: I will now attempt to dig my way out of this meatful hole I’m in.

  271. Suffering Sockatash!11! said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:21

    Shorter Ace

    We have indeed circled the square.

  272. judeanpeoplesfront said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:21

    speaking of and pussies..

    In one of the many Republican sponsored investigations used to harass the Clinton administration, the use of White House staff, postage, and stationery to answer mail addressed to the cat was probed by Rep. Dan Burton.

    i’d like to take this opportunity to go on record as objectively pro vagina.

    more puppetry please!

  273. judeanpeoplesfront said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:23

    fuck.
    socks

  274. Fuck Socks said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:36

    You rang?

  275. Hand Stocking said,

    April 27, 2007 at 2:52

    This is the best Miss Sally SadNo thread ever.

    Needs more theremin.

  276. judeanpeo.... said,

    April 27, 2007 at 3:13

    Pikaremin
    or this

  277. Kralizec said,

    April 27, 2007 at 3:13

    “Harvey Mansfield — I saw him on either TDS or TCR and laughed and laughed — hard to imagine a less manly man.” (Ms. Clio, April 26, 2007 at 4:03)

    I’ve seen Harvey Mansfield interviewed, too, and I agree that he doesn’t seem very manly, at least as most of us count manliness. However, I don’t understand the sort of thought that at least seems to underlie “Ms. Clio’s” comment, that it’s laughable for a man who’s not very manly to write a book on manliness or to praise the quality. An analogy may help: Mansfield has written an amazing book on the Executive, but I don’t consider him “Presidential material.” Yet neither have there been any Presidents or Presidential candidates in my lifetime who have seemed capable of writing a book on the Executive with such profundity. A personal admission may help, too, by way of example: I’m not especially manly, if manliness has much to do with what usually is counted as masculine in America. Yet I don’t think that should stop me, nor does it stop me, from thinking that manly qualities are good ones for the large majority of men to have and cultivate. It seems even if I were downright effeminate or if I were a woman, I could still give manliness its due. But to go more directly to the point, it seems actually to require someone other than an entirely manly man to spend months of one’s life sitting quietly, patiently pondering manliness and typing out a book on it. Perhaps even more directly to the point, the right sort of person to write a book on manliness seems to be one who is himself manly enough to be able to “see it from the inside,” yet unmanly or womanly enough to be able to see it “see it from the outside.”

  278. a different brad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 3:23

    I think s/he’s saying you need to wander a mall in a harvey mansfield suit, ms. clio.

  279. Sadly, No! » Gravel ‘08 said,

    April 27, 2007 at 3:36

    [...] button literally makes or breaks the shirt, look at it: it’s too high! « Ace: ‘I’m not a homo, but vaginas are icky’ [...]

  280. mikey said,

    April 27, 2007 at 3:41

    Ben was from Oregon. He was 22, small in stature, slender of build. Had tiny wrists and long, elegant fingers. He was, to put it politely, not manly. He hated being dirty, he practically minced when he walked, and he cared about how his clothes looked, even in the field. He had a subtle lisp, and would carefully arrange his belongings around his bunk in camp. I have to admit I didn’t know much about him. See, he was feminine in his behavior, and in a “manly” environment like men in combat, he was a “fag” and he was shunned, and avoided. I was not yet 20, and I went along with the crowd. He was sad, and lonely and scared, but he did his goddam job, every goddam day.

    The Belly, early June, 1970. Another ambush, another stupid firefight. Taking fire from a PKM and some rockets. Our point guy was down, and we had two more wounded from rockets. One of ‘em was Ben, a big hot piece of shrapnel in his guts. Two guys tried to go up and get our point guy, but that damn gun was on target and controlled the beaten zone around him. One got hit in the thigh, the other helped him back. Maybe he only did it ’cause he was so angry, so isolated. Maybe he just didn’t want to live anymore. Ben jumped up and charged that gun. With that oddly clean, elegant left hand he let a grenade cook and tossed it underhand into the gun pos. Never even slowed down. The grenade went BANG and he went in behind it and disappeard. We all just stared as we heard a lot of ragged firing, and three quick bursts of 5.56. Ben reappeared from the smoke and brush and jogged awkwardly toward our point guy, still down in the dappled sunshine on that trail in the middle of fucking nowhere. He slung his rifle and started dragging point back toward our perimeter. Didn’t make it. NVA fire had slackened to practically nothing, but he collapsed anyway.

    A couple of our guys ran up and got them both. Point was dead, bled out from a throat wound. Ben was dead too. In addition to that piece of shrapnel in his intestines that probably would have killed him by itself, he had SIX rounds in him. Probably caught most of them in his brief eyeball range fight to take out that gun. Never stopped until he couldn’t take another step.

    Wanna talk about manly? What it means to be a man? How you measure a man? Well fuck you. A man has strength, courage and a willingness to do the goddam job. Ben was a man…

    mikey

  281. HTML Mencken said,

    April 27, 2007 at 3:56

    Damn, mikey. Right on.

  282. Amanda Marcotte said,

    April 27, 2007 at 3:56

    Fascinating attempt at a dodge, Ace. While we’re talking about mistakes, how’s Iraq going?

    Possibly the WMDs are simply hiding in a vagina, a place far too scary for any man, woman or child to venture. Guess we’ll have to kill a few more hundred thousand people to find out.

  283. DJ Escher said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:04

    I hear crickets…You guys hear crickets?

  284. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:11

    Amanda

    How about your prognostications on the Duke 3 ?

    Deleting your posts doesn’t mean they never happened.

    Hiding in your vagina perhaps ?

  285. sonic said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:16

    The denizens of Ace’s site are now proving just how gay they are not by agreeing that they would sleep with Denis Kunich’s wife.

    It is so goddam sad….

  286. Kralizec said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:17

    “Ace: ‘I’m not a homo, but vaginas are icky’”

    Ace’s humor has always included a lot of insult, including playful self-deprecation and playful insult of his readers, whom he’s been calling “morons” for as long as I can remember. His “vaginas are icky” shtick is funny to the readers because it’s been part of the his whole convoluted, interrelated, mercurial routine for years; because we know he’s teasing the women who read his blog; because we know he really does have a panic disorder, really has been “unlucky in love” so far, probably partly for that reason, and yet has gracefully worked all of that into his self-deprecating comedy; because his male readers can laugh at their own experience, thinking of the difference between women and men and squirming a little at the thought of “not having anything down there; and probably because his female readers, who know he’s kidding, think about their daily and monthly hygiene and think, “Yeah, they are kinda icky, aren’t they?” And I imagine they laugh. You see, the men and women who read Ace’s blog do so because they like playful insult and self-deprecation, too.

  287. sonic said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:20

    “self-deprecating comedy”

    “Lets kill all Muslims, oh and Woman’s bits are just so gross, oh and homos, yuch”

    Is there a nobel proze for comedy? can we nominate Acey?

  288. Mehitabel the Abyssinian said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:20

    If I were the White House cat, I would definitely claim that my use of staff, stationery and postage were covered by Executive Privilege. Then I would break things.

  289. Thers said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:28

    A: Hiding in your vagina perhaps ?

    B: You see, the men and women who read Ace’s blog do so because they like playful insult and self-deprecation, too.

    Keep telling yourself that, sport.

  290. Spokane Moderate said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:30

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again: Thanks mikey.

  291. Ms. Clio said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:35

    golly, all that eloquence epxatiated for lil ole me?

    Mansfield is an insecure twit who thinks that women are weak, lazy, and incapable of humor. He’s a putz. I get the feeling, for some strange reason, that you are a putz, too.

    It’s no coincidence that the wingnuts love love love his work — the first few pages of the Google (damn it) are overwhelmingly links to rightwing reviews.

    Manliness is what mikey said. Period.

  292. Ms. Clio said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:39

    goddamn typos.

  293. Kralizec said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:39

    sonic said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:20

    “self-deprecating comedy�

    “Lets kill all Muslims, oh and Woman’s bits are just so gross, oh and homos, yuch�

    Is there a nobel proze for comedy? can we nominate Acey?

    The Right has its own share of bloggers and commenters who can’t do better than heavyhanded sarcasm.

  294. Amanda Marcotte said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:51

    I never accused any three particular individuals of rape. I remain unconvinced that hiring strippers, yelling racial slurs at them, roughing them up, stealing from them, and then gloating about killing them next time to your friends is as honorable a behavior as everyone seems to think it is.

  295. Amanda Marcotte said,

    April 27, 2007 at 4:52

    Nor do I think that “bad prosecution” equals “women are all LIARS”.

  296. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:03

    Amanda

    Your blog post referred to rape not yelling.

    Also you have proof of all of these additional slurs do you ?

    Try to learn from your mistakes rather than endlessly repeat them.

  297. Lesley said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:05

    Wanna talk about manly? What it means to be a man? How you measure a man? Well fuck you. A man has strength, courage and a willingness to do the goddam job. Ben was a man…

    If this is what it means to be a man, or manly, then a hell of a lot of women are manly. It’s all posturing bullshit. Really. And don’t women know this.

  298. Vagina said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:10

    To tell you the truth, five days out of the month I don’t know what’s going on down here either.

  299. Simba B. said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:14

    If I were the White House cat, I would definitely claim that my use of staff, stationery and postage were covered by Executive Privilege. Then I would break things.

    I think Pretzel boy is a couple of steps ahead of you in that plan.

  300. mikey said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:14

    It’s all posturing bullshit.

    Yes. Women have the ability to demonstrate courage and sacrifice. I’m not sure why I have to say that, but I’m happy to do so. But you are prima facie wrong, Lesley. There is no posturing under fire. It disintegrates into whimpering and violence, fighting, hiding and running. Don’t imagine you understand humanity in extremis just ’cause you understand humanity. It ain’t posturing. It’s life, laid bare. Lessons to be learned and rules to be broken…

    mikey

  301. Simba B. said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:15

    mikey’s comments are always among the most awesome in any thread here. End of story.

  302. Hysterical Woman said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:15

    because his male readers can laugh at their own experience, thinking of the difference between women and men and squirming a little at the thought of “not having anything down there; and probably because his female readers, who know he’s kidding, think about their daily and monthly hygiene and think, “Yeah, they are kinda icky, aren’t they?� And I imagine they laugh. You see, the men and women who read Ace’s blog do so because they like playful insult and self-deprecation, too.

    So it’s funny because it’s true?

  303. J— said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:15

    To tell you the truth, five days out of the month I don’t know what’s going on down here either.

    Let me guess. You were home-schooled.

  304. MCH said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:18

    Wow, people come here to troll other people’s blogs now? Does that count as stalking or something?

  305. REDSHarK said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:47

    Shorter Kralizec: It’s self-depricating for Ace to say vaginas are icky ’cause when he says it his girlfriend in Canada giggles.

  306. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:49

    oh and Amanda

    I missed this the first time -

    “I never accused any three particular individuals of rape”

    Weasel words worthy of Clinton there.

    This is what you said -

    “Can’t a few white boys sexually assault a black woman anymore without people getting all wound up about it?

    So unfair.”

    And you were commenting on a story about three men accused of raping a black woman.

    But of course you weren’t referring to those three men. It was just a general comment on race relations was it ?

  307. Lesley said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:52

    Don’t imagine you understand humanity in extremis just ’cause you understand humanity. It ain’t posturing. It’s life, laid bare.

    I don’t have to imagine humanity in extremis…I’ve been in a life and death situation. Thank God, not in a war zone though. My sister survived a war zone in Cambodia and exhibited tremendous courage uncovering the truth about torture and murder happening there when the army forced buddhist monks to hide and cremate bodies.

  308. RandomObserver said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:53

    If you read his post, the part you guys quoted is clearly serious. Although the phrasing is kind of jokey (the bacon and Play-Doh bit) the thought behind it is real.

    Or is the “Eh, a lot of guys don’t dig that” also a joke?

    Here is what I don’t get – Ace made a pretty jokey post and you guys made a pretty jokey post in response; so then he gets all excited and comes over here to start defending his honor?

    Poor Ace – his wittle feewings are hurt!

    By the way I did google:

    ace of spades fear vagina

    You know what I found? A bunch of love letters to Ace’s internet girlfriend/obsession, Amanda Marcotte. Is that what that search was supposed to reveal? Not according to Ace. That’s the problem with making factual claims – people with too much time on their hands can actually check them. Might want to avoid those in the future Ace old chum.

    It’s funny how much these clowns can dish it out but cry like babies at the slightest pin prick. They all have the same MO – they tell other people to toughen up and have no problems throwing around the names and slurs but when they are subject to some light ribbing they go to pieces.

    Internet tough guys – you have to love them.

  309. Gerald Fnord said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:55

    Great Zombie Jesus, this is what I get for not reading Sadly, No! for a few hours. Question one rightie blogger’s He-Man Women Hater’s Club credentials, and all hell breaks loose! It took me twenty minutes just to read through the five squintillion comments.

    To hell with cold fusion; if the repressed homoeroticism of violent, warlike conservatives could somehow be harnessed and converted into a cheap source of electricity, we could end our national dependence on fossil fuels, like, tomorrow.

  310. mikey said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:56

    Ah hell, darlyn, my accuracy rate on the shit-from-shinola test is a solid 38%.

    It’s not a contest, and I, of all, am not winning. Please be at peace, and do not let my attempt at prose take you back to a bad place.

    mikey

  311. STH said,

    April 27, 2007 at 5:57

    Sorry, thinking vaginas are icky isn’t “playful insult and self-deprecation.” For men, it’s ignorance, fear, or simply due to a preference for penises. For women, it’s self-hatred. Not “playful,” not cute, and most certainly not funny.

  312. ifthethunderdontgetya®©³² said,

    April 27, 2007 at 6:06

    Try to learn from your mistakes rather than endlessly repeat them.

    Wingnut lectures his mirror.

  313. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 6:14

    That comment came like a blast of lightning from out of nowhere.

    I am properly chastened.

  314. Blog of the Moderate Left » The Incident at Big Beaver said,

    April 27, 2007 at 6:19

    [...] all I know is that they look a bit like orchids, and my experiences with them have generally been positive. Add to: Bloglines | [...]

  315. Anorak said,

    April 27, 2007 at 6:42

    I wonder if Kralizec think his penis is “a bit icky”?
    ‘Cause, you know, all that “daily and monthly hygeine” and stuff.
    Don’t get me wrong, I crave teh cock sportif as much as the next gal, but you fullas actually pass waste fluids through those things on a regular basis…what’s up with that?
    And “not having anything down there”? WTF???
    Have you ever SEEN a vulva?
    There’s all sorts of wacky cool stuff “down there”.

    On an unrelated note, isn’t it amazing that these crazy nutbars cannot help bringing the Duke case into all and every internet discussion involving gender or sex that they encounter?
    It needs to be added to the bingo card, for sure.

  316. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:00

    Well you see Anorak my comment was in response to a comment by Amanda where she started taking others to task for making wrong calls on things like the Iraq war (whcih I thought was stunningly off topic, hence my comment in response).

    Just scroll up the page, champion. Do you see it yet ?

    Do try to keep up, you won’t have me to explain things for you all the time you know.

  317. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:01

    You guys are really scaring me with all this talk about the Yuck Box and all…and Mandi’s is the scariest of all!

    Now, what did you do with my Valu-rite vodka? Where are all the Thai trannies, damnit?!

  318. AkaDad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:02

    Occasionally I think to myself that I’m too harsh in my mockery and ridicule, then I come to my senses and look back at how my character was impugned and my patriotism questioned on a daily basis, all because I opposed the Iraq war.

    Yes, I’m still bitter…

  319. Rock'em Sock'em Suckpuppet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:08

    I heart you, Simon. You always were my favorite chipmunk. I didn’t like Dave, though. Fuck dave. He was a dick.

  320. a different brad said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:12

    In retrospect, I have to allow ace some small credit for one thing he didn’t do. He didn’t make impossible claims of being teh carpet munch master then post a link to a clip of the paris hilton porn to back it up. This is what separates him from his commenters, I guess. He alone can see that it would be going too far to make such a claim, and thus he restrained himself.
    This thread makes me feel like I’m back in high school.
    “I’m not ghey, ur ghey, u gheybashin gheybois”, to quote ace’s post on this all.

  321. R. Stanton Scott said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:16

    Ace: If the audience doesn’t get the joke, the problem is probably with the comedian.

    Just sayin’.

  322. Lesley said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:17

    When all is said, genitals are pretty freaky & comical compared to other body parts. Aren’t most of us just a little embarrassed and self-conscious about our genitalia?

    It’s hard to walk around nude in front of someone and feel dignified.

  323. rachel said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:17

    I am pleased to be able to say that–possession of man-parts aside–my husband is nothing like Ace in any way whatsoever.

    :-D

  324. Anorak said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:19

    Simon, I’ve got a hunch you may explain things to me more often than I’d like.
    I saw all the comments, chief.
    I stand by my earlier comment.
    Especially the bit about loving Cock. And Socks. (I didn’t mention that before? Whoops!)

  325. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:21

    was dumb enough to look at the comments in Acehole’s thread. Someone actually posted- ACTUALLY POSTED (to put it in Schlusselese)- that one way to tell if your husband was gay was if “he voted Democrat.�
    This made me laugh out loud, for reasons that I’m not altogether proud of.

    Hits close to home, huh? The “truth” is out there! (Along with scary brown Scandi vajayjays)

    I am pleased to be able to say that–possession of man-parts aside–my husband is nothing like Ace in any way whatsoever.

    Well, let him kill a few hobos on a Valu-rite vodka rampage, and you might have to reassess that statement.

    By the way, these Ace-bashing posts are providing scads of fun back the home base, keep it up! :)

  326. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:23

    Thanks Rocky Socky Sucky

    I’ll allow my warm feelings for your praise to outweigh my distaste for the way in which you expressed it.

  327. R.S. Suckpuppet, esq. said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:24

    Kewl. Do u wanna cyber now? a/s/l?

  328. rachel said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:26

    Ace killed hobos while on a Valu-rite vodka rampage? My word, that’s a shocking accusation. You have proof of this, of course?

  329. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:31

    Hey, I watched “Loose Change”, you don’t need proof…the accusation is enough.

    Just ask those Lacrosse guys at Duke.

  330. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:32

    Anorak

    Well you’ll need to do a bit more than “stand by” your comment.

    What you need to do is to respond to mine. Otherwise I’m going to think that you are doing the old – closing of the eyes, and the “Na Na Na”.

    Do you see that at all ?

    And by the way, simply saying that you love cock isn’t going to get you all the way there with me respectwise. A long way, but not the full monty if you know what I mean.

  331. rachel said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:35

    What’s “Loose Change?” Oh, and those poor, poor Duke Lacrosse guys, I feel so sorry for them rotting away in jail while we’re chatting on this blog. *Sniff* It was a travesty, I say.

  332. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:39

    Well, it could have been worse…they could have been accused of raping dirty rotten Scandi. Now, THAT would have been a travesty.

  333. rachel said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:41

    I wouldn’t know. Who is “dirty rotten Scandi”?

  334. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:41

    Rocky Sucky – you appear to be changing your “tag” to confuse me

    This is really degenerating too quickly into the kind of slang ridden, sarcasm laden, modishly referential exchange that I dread having on the world wide web.

    Tell your parents that I believe that your internet privileges should be revoked henceforth.

    Prove yourself golden with your silence.

  335. Sockroiliac said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:44

    This is really degenerating too quickly into the kind of slang ridden, sarcasm laden, modishly referential exchange that I dread having on the world wide web.

    Wait a sec: isn’t that supposed to be Ace’s strength?

  336. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:45

    I wouldn’t know. Who is “dirty rotten Scandi�?

    Oh, I’m sorry, that should be “dirty rotten Scandis”…

    You mean, you don’t know about the world-wide domination plot of the Scandinavians?

    I mean, I know many Lefties believe in this great Jewish Cabal, but really they are not seeing the forest for the trees…it’s really a Scandi plot!

    Truly devious, you know. Did you know Chimpy McHaliburton was part Scandi? I mean, that should explain it all!

    And Condi Rice? Brown person with a yuck box…no wonder there is much fear of this woman.

    You gotta open your eyes.

  337. Anorak said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:46

    Simon, although full respect from you is now my life’s goal, I don’t know what you want me to say.
    I said that I’ve noticed that in online discussions about gender or sex or related issues, [certain people] often bring up the Duke case in seemingly unrelated threads.
    I still think that’s true.
    You say you brought it up “off-topic” to counter Amanda’s “off-topic” Iraq comment.
    My question to you is…So?
    Did you bring it up in a thread not related to the Duke case?
    I think you did.
    Let’s just go to the score board for a minute…yep, that’d be Anorac 1, Simon 0…
    Now, if you’d said, “Often in comment threads, people bring up the U.S. invasion of Iraq, even when that’s not the topic being discussed”,
    I would have said, “You are correct, Sir, that they do!”.
    Is that enough response from me?

  338. rachel said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:51

    “You mean, you don’t know about the world-wide domination plot of the Scandinavians?”

    Wow! I had no idea!

    Er… Does that plot include going on rampages on skid row after getting stinko on Valu-rite vodka?

  339. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:54

    Yes! Rachel, you have discovered the truth! Moreover, Valu-rite vodka? A SCANDI drink!

    Now if I can just get the rest of these people here to stop obsessing about Ace and his fear of the v-word, and pay attention to the real problems of the world…VIKINGS.

  340. rachel said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:57

    VIKINGS! It’s the other V-word.

  341. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 7:59

    Yes! It all fits: Vagina (shudder!), Valu-rite, Vodka…

    SCANDI words!

    Go forth and spread the word (but please, not your legs!)

  342. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:07

    Anorak

    All very well reasoned and all, but it doesn’t really square with this does it -

    “On an unrelated note, isn’t it amazing that these crazy nutbars cannot help bringing the Duke case into all and every internet discussion involving gender or sex that they encounter?”

    You see the comment I was responding to wasn’t about sex and gender, it was about Iraq.

    And isn’t your unrelated response to me as off topic as my off topic response to Amanda ? My head is spinning here – please help me get grounded with another cock joke Anorak.

    Being so fair minded and all, you need to do a big shout out to Amanda and say -

    “Isn’t it amazing how these vulva quoting moonbats bring the Iraq war into every debate about the pros and cons of the vagina”.

    How about that.

  343. Socks Galore said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:11

    Look at all the trolls talking to themselves on somebody else’s blog.

    Fucktards.

  344. LowerManhattanite said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:11

    Methinks Ace (posting from HEAD-quarters, of course.) doth protest a bit too much. :)

  345. RobW said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:13

    (adb already hinted at it, but I’m going to ask the real question here.)

    What does Ace have against bacon?

  346. Anorak said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:13

    We are both off-topic!!! Won’t somebody please moderate us? Please? Is there anyone out there?

    Pros AND Cons of the vagina???
    It’s all Pros as far as I can tell, and I do mean Pros!
    I would like to second(third/fourth) the notion that men love the old tongue and groove routine.
    The only man I’ve ever “dated” who wasn’t into it was a woman.
    I KNOW!!!

  347. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:13

    Socks, socks, socks….

    Really, if you cannot open your eyes to the International Scandi Threat, and choose to remain in your ostrich-like stance, well, I’m afraid there is no hope for you.

    Gobsmacked, I am. Will anyone listen?

    Sadly, no.

  348. Cheshirecat said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:16

    What does Ace have against bacon?

    Well, it’s brown. And you know, brown things are scary.
    And, it has a sorta vagina-like smell. Scarier.

    But the worst? Invented by Scandis.

  349. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:34

    Anorak It appear that the only people left are Cheshire Cat and his pals conducting some cryptic dialogue about the Swedes. And Socks Galore, who may be an abusive sock puppet of my old foe Rocky Sucky Socky.

    In any event I will heartily resist any attempt to moderate your saucy confessions.

  350. Anorak said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:37

    Ah well, I’ve just opened a beer (it’s 6pm here) and I shall now go and interact with people I can see.
    Nice squabbling with you.

  351. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:39

    It’s 4.30 pm here – that first Friday night beer is heading my way.

    Have a good one.

  352. R.S. Suckpuppet, esq. said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:40

    This is really degenerating too quickly into the kind of slang ridden, sarcasm laden, modishly referential exchange that I dread having on the world wide web.

    Oh my! How perfectly dreadful, dahling. Shall I have a fainting couch brought out for you? (By the way, I sincerely hope that the nasty rumors weren’t true about you and Dave. That’s an awful way to lose your innocence. Simply awful.) Anyway, you are aware, sweet chubby Simon, that you are on Sadly, No? What you just wrote is pretty much our raison d’etre, as they say in Lubbock.

  353. R.S. Suckpuppet, esq. said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:44

    Aw, screw it. Raise a tall boy for me, Simon. Try not to dwell too much on Dave. He can’t hurt you any more.

  354. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 8:59

    Work is finishing HR Socknstuff and the window I have to shadow box with you is closing rapidly.

    Therefore I will try to leave this website (Sadly No ? – is that the name ? – I had no idea – I blush to admit that I just linked on over here and started spraying flecks of spittle without bothering to enquire) on a happy note.

    Adieu adieu (there’s some French right back at you), I know not the Dave of whom you speak (repressed ?), but I will take your advice and raise a tall one for you both.

  355. not a sockpuppet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 9:07

    And another day of pointless internet argument comes to an end.

  356. Simon said,

    April 27, 2007 at 9:19

    not a sockpuppet

    A perfect note to end the thread on.

    If you could just repeat that one more time after this comment from me, then it really would be a fitting final epitaph.

  357. I Saved Hitler's Brain said,

    April 27, 2007 at 9:55

    Ah, shit! I just Godwined the thread!

  358. Glenn Reynoldswald, suck puppet said,

    April 27, 2007 at 10:13

    Cripes! All the sock puppet-pun nics… this place is starting to look like FDL!

    FITZ!!!1!

  359. Herr Doktor Bimler said,

    April 27, 2007 at 10:46

    It’s hard to walk around nude in front of someone and feel dignified.
    More to the point, it’s hard to walk around nude in the company of cats who like to whack at dangly toys.

  360. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    April 27, 2007 at 11:01

    More to the point, it’s hard to walk around nude in the company of cats who like to whack at dangly toys.

    Bwahahahaha! And remember, dear Doktor, those dangly bits are also made of meat, so it’s a twofer when we snag ‘em.

    Ahhh, sweetbreads…

  361. Njorl's dangly bits (not a Scandi) said,

    April 27, 2007 at 11:22

    YiiIiEeeEeEEEeeEE!11! Bloody ketz!

  362. judeanpeo.... said,

    April 27, 2007 at 11:23

    heh.

    they get this look of concentration when they’re getting ready to pounce.. a firm, NO, KITTY! …NO!! is usually enough to discourage an attack, but if this does not entirely prevent an unhealthy fixation, it may be necessary to introduce them formally to the dangly toy in question, as a member of the family, so to speak, and NOT an acceptable plaything/prey object. BAD Kitty!

  363. Jillian said,

    April 27, 2007 at 11:41

    because his male readers can laugh at their own experience, thinking of the difference between women and men and squirming a little at the thought of “not having anything down there; and probably because his female readers, who know he’s kidding, think about their daily and monthly hygiene and think, “Yeah, they are kinda icky, aren’t they?”

    Just because I thought this little gem should be preserved on its own for all posterity.

    Every time they try to defend themselves against the charges of being completely personally ignorant of the qualities of the femaile genitalia, they simply do that much more to prove how ignorant they are.

    Daily hygiene? I know we crack about you guys being basementcheetoskeyboardwarriors who never leave your mom’s basement for anything, but don’t you wash your penis every day? You know, when you use that strange contraption in the bathroom called a “shower”?

  364. judeanpeo.... said,

    April 27, 2007 at 12:01

    go on with the charade jillian, all american boys learned when they were 12 that women followed an exotic yet strangely erotic regime of personal hygene involving essential oils, feather boas, scented candles, and eager, probing fingers.
    get real.

  365. Homosocksual said,

    April 27, 2007 at 15:39

    I’m pissed that nobody used my name.

  366. J— said,

    April 27, 2007 at 16:33

    1. It looks like last night someone left the Sadly, No! auditorium unlocked and Ace’s Troll Theater Troop snuck in, got up on the stage, and did an interpretative dance in honor Annie Angel and Shoelimpy.

    2. That comment is definitely a keeper, Jillian. I believe soccer fans refer to this as an own goal, as in “Then at minute 4:17 Team Sadly, No! added to its already subtantial lead when Krazilec of Team Ace of Spades knocked in an own goal. With his head.”

  367. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    April 27, 2007 at 16:35

    Jillian, I keep returning to that paragraph, too. It intrigues me the way those fleshy dangly bits intrigue me. It’s so full of gems, like ‘thinking of the difference between men and women’ (I mean, what?), and the particularly glorious “squirming a little at the thought of not having anything down there”.

    I mean, who ever uses the phrase “down there” except weeny children? I know I don’t, nor do any humans of my acquaintance. It’s so coy. And as someone has already pointed out, women keep lots of interesting things ‘down there’: just not the cash and tobacco mentioned in a previous thread. I mean, just ‘cos it’s not swinging about all over the place, doesn’t mean it ain’t there.

    I think my favourite, though, is this one:
    probably because his female readers, who know he’s kidding, think about their daily and monthly hygiene and think, “Yeah, they are kinda icky, aren’t they?�

    You’ve already covered the Sacred Feminine Shower Mystery, so I won’t go into that one. And while menstruation is a nuisance, and can be a real pain, I don’t know of any woman who thinks of her vagina, or parts thereabout, as ‘icky’. I mean, why? It’s the only self-cleaning organ of the body, for starters. And how many men give their dicks a bit of a wiggle and think ‘werrrll, that’s a silly bloody bit of sausage and no mistake’?

    In fact, in order for Ace to be able to claim with a straight face that he’s not vaginaphobic, and that the ‘icky’ comment was really a joke, he’d have to be able to point to a corresponding number of posts in which he talked about how ludicrous his own flappy bits were, and how no-one in their right mind would want to suck on the ridiculous assemblage.

    For the record, although I’ve never seen it clearly (basic physiology preventing a closer inspection), I’m pretty happy about my vagina et al. It’s given me some great results over the years, and only needed major repairs once: try saying that about a car.

    I’m also pretty happy about penes (plural, doncher know). The only time they annoy is when some jumped-up little weasel thinks that his possession of a penis means he’s tough/cool/smart/better.

    But they curl up pretty quick when I make the point. That’s one of the many good things about being a cat.

  368. Happily, Yes! said,

    April 27, 2007 at 17:24

    Goddamn you idiots are some dumb motherfuckers. You piss all over yourselves about a joke because you’re too stupid to get it, and when someone points that out to you, you say “oh, we knew it was a joke”. And then you turn right around and say that it’s not really a joke, he meant what he said. With a fucked up thought process like that, it’s no surprise you’re liberals.

  369. The Sockratic Method said,

    April 27, 2007 at 17:59

    Goddamn you idiots are some dumb motherfuckers. You piss all over yourselves about a joke because you’re too stupid to get it, and when someone points that out to you, you say “oh, we knew it was a joke�. And then you turn right around and say that it’s not really a joke, he meant what he said. With a fucked up thought process like that, it’s no surprise you’re liberals.

    Why not ask Ace why he’s got so much to say about it?

  370. Realist said,

    April 27, 2007 at 18:12

    Ace writes:

    What annoys me isn’t the charge– it’s the childish dishonesty.

    I don’t think anyone needs me to tell them what to do here.

  371. Sockham's Razor said,

    April 27, 2007 at 18:27

    You piss all over yourselves about a joke because you’re too stupid to get it, and when someone points that out to you, you say “oh, we knew it was a joke�. And then you turn right around and say that it’s not really a joke, he meant what he said.

    The phenomenon in question is this: Ace O. Spades, Heterosexual, made an impossibly bizarre simile, and then tried to pass it off as one of a long string of “fear of teh wimmin-parts” joke posts.

    Sadly, No! The most parsimonious explanation for Ace’s behavior is that his long-standing “joke”, culminating in the current references to bacon and HR Giger, reflects an actual phobia.

    The alternative explanations have to incorporate his seeming unfamiliarity with women, his periodic misogyny, his string of jokes that go far beyond humor (both in number and degree), the large number of commenters who also appear not to be in on the joke, the large nuber of comments from Ace himself appearing not to be in on the joke, &c.

  372. Gollum's Left Sock said,

    April 27, 2007 at 18:28

    The tags, we hatesss them.

  373. Karl Rove II said,

    April 27, 2007 at 19:50

    “Wanna talk about manly? What it means to be a man? How you measure a man? Well fuck you. A man has strength, courage and a willingness to do the goddam job. Ben was a man…”

    Which would explain Ace and his readers…gutless wonders.

  374. Simba B. said,

    April 27, 2007 at 20:14

    With a fucked up thought process like that, it’s no surprise you’re liberals.

    You must be one of those “clear-thinking Americans” Bill-O is constantly yammering about.

  375. The Crapture said,

    April 27, 2007 at 20:42

    i’m surprised Ace didn’t trot out that old line about not trusting anything that can bleed for five days and still not die

  376. Kathleen said,

    April 27, 2007 at 20:42

    Happily Yes spoke so eloquently. It really brought a tear to my eye. How lucky Ace is, to have such staunch and well-spoken defenders.

  377. cosmosis said,

    April 27, 2007 at 21:10

    Vagina: it’s not just for dinner.

  378. Socksual Healing said,

    April 27, 2007 at 21:35

    There once was a straight guy called Ace
    An undoubtedly straight guy called Ace
    Want a straight guy called Ace?
    Here’s a straight guy called Ace!
    A fabulous straight guy called Ace.

    I must say this repeating ironic jokes thing works wonders.

  379. protected static said,

    April 27, 2007 at 22:23

    Two observations:

    1. Using SiteMeter’s numbers, Ace may have twice as many visitors per day (Ace: 22,036 / S,N!: 9,330), but Sadly, No!’s visitors stick around twice as long (Ace: 0:51 / S,N!: 2:02).

    2. Offered without comment: ‘Snuggly’?

  380. mikey said,

    April 27, 2007 at 22:57

    The wingnuts doth protest too much, methinks…

    –Big Bill in that breakfast play “Omlette”…

    Or somethin…

    Damn, I really shoulda gone to college…

    mikey

  381. Kathleen said,

    April 27, 2007 at 23:49

    I think it is pretty clear that sticking around this blog is not the only thing that Sadly No readers do for longer than Ace’s readers.

  382. Feministe » Ace of Spades fears the vagina said,

    April 28, 2007 at 0:23

    [...] because he’s totally heterosexual and stuff, he loves pussy, he swears. Except for the whole, you know, “pussy” part of it: Best friend gay — okay, I can [...]

  383. Sockumentary said,

    April 28, 2007 at 2:30

    Cumming soon on Hot Air:

    Proof That Ace is Not (Totally) Ghey!

  384. Jillian said,

    April 28, 2007 at 2:35

    And how many men give their dicks a bit of a wiggle and think ‘werrrll, that’s a silly bloody bit of sausage and no mistake’?

    I find I cannot think of the penis in this context without being put in mind of the immortal words of Slyvia Plath:

    “And all I could think of was turkey neck and turkey gizzards and I became very depressed.”

  385. RobW said,

    April 28, 2007 at 7:38

    I mean, who ever uses the phrase “down there� except weeny children? I know I don’t,

    As a cat, wouldn’t it be “back there” in your case? Just sayin’…

  386. scarshapedstar said,

    April 28, 2007 at 17:46

    “Porksword” is the best phallic metaphor of the week.

  387. Cheshirecat said,

    April 28, 2007 at 20:31

    Wow, you guys are still obsessing over this in-joke. Well, that’s cool…it has been quite a source of entertainment for the rest of us over at the moron-blog, so thanks.

    Will you next be doing an expose about Johnny Coldcuts and Paul Anka as well? What about the Scandi threat?

    Besides, we all know Ace is teh ghey, after all, he and Allah at Hot Air once went to see “Brokeback Mountain” together, I mean, if that doesn’t just scream “flaming”, I don’t know what does.

    Offered without comment: ‘Snuggly’?
    Yes, a term by our resident Republican Whore, Feisty, for Ace…but will he ever return her affection? Sadly, no.

  388. Cheshirecat said,

    April 28, 2007 at 20:34

    i’m surprised Ace didn’t trot out that old line about not trusting anything that can bleed for five days and still not die

    Well,

    1. It’s Old.

    2. He doesn’t trust it whether it’s bleeding or not.

  389. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 28, 2007 at 21:58

    Wow, you guys are still obsessing over this in-joke.

    I think it’s more of an out-joke.

  390. Kathleen said,

    April 30, 2007 at 1:12

    RB: LOL.

  391. Sadly, No! » Chronicles Of Glibertarianism, Vol. Eleventy Hundred said,

    May 9, 2007 at 14:01

    [...] I think he just called Thompson a pussy. [...]

  392. Sadly, No! » People who should never write about sex said,

    May 17, 2007 at 5:52

    [...] called a woman who has such low self-esteem that she’ll sleep with a guy who thinks of her genitalia as “Play-Doh and bacon.” Thankfully, I don’t think such women [...]

  393. Blog of the Moderate Left » I Am Smart! I Am Smart! S-M-R-T! I Mean… said,

    May 29, 2007 at 14:47

    [...] story begins with the omnipresent Ace O. Spades, Heterosexual, who totally does not have a problem with vaginas so please don’t mention it.  Anyhoo, Ace took a look at a memo from the embassy in Baghdad [...]

  394. The Vagina Monomanias § Unqualified Offerings said,

    June 20, 2007 at 16:29

    [...] cannot shut up about vaginas, and are seeing them and ranting about them everywhere. Sadly,No is the go-to site for the Ace of Spades’ fixation on we wimmins’ icky nether parts. And now, they [...]

  395. Sadly, No! » Life is too depressing sometimes said,

    August 13, 2007 at 23:47

    [...] LAW! DOWN WITH WESTERN MEDICINE!” It’s embarrassing, sure, but as his misadventures in Bacon and Play Doh Land prove, Ace has long since given up feeling [...]

  396. uglydumplings said,

    October 18, 2007 at 21:27

    not all vaginas are identical and im sure there is a vagina out there that matches the discription (maybe some he’s related to) i for one love them, but some of them are very nasty. and in the end a nice veagina is one of the greast thinds on earth

  397. Sadly, No! » First Annual Sadly No! Abortion-o-thon said,

    November 8, 2007 at 20:42

    [...] That’s right, as part of our Get Out the Vote campaign for the Weblog Awards, we’re here and equipped with our nifty Swiss Army Abortion Kits, which, I’ll remind you, are available free at your local Democratic Party Headquarters, and of which you may choose among three models: “Sangerfroid Slayer,” “Fetalcidal Tendency,” and the “Twisty Fastest.” Union made by skilled Mexican immigrant hands, these beautiful tools (based on the Chinese original) are guaranteed to bore through even the most stubborn bits of play-doh and bacon. [...]

  398. dictionary said,

    May 8, 2008 at 13:57

    http://geo.ya.com/vebulaqi/ paris hilton

  399. download said,

    May 12, 2008 at 16:33

    http://geo.ya.com/xileraje/ cash advance

  400. Lady3 said,

    July 26, 2008 at 14:36

    You all came to this earth from a vagina. So really its your home away from home.

  401. fhnri bxhmjowd said,

    July 28, 2008 at 12:24

    kyvtgmria lixm hydqgo fpnzuwm njgfr qkxicfe thvewls

  402. kpoufcm yukn said,

    August 24, 2008 at 9:14

    cgxvi vudqbiglz xqjb mzlcbuf owfgjypb txydngij srtcli

  403. vhqmab ilqm said,

    August 24, 2008 at 9:16

    tnlpbfx gcsha hbzdswf erufcpgxb rubpxvtjg cgrnhtp rtab tmzbc xdjcin

  404. furniture said,

    August 26, 2008 at 18:00

    ehlc qpxh zqwsdxl hjcdsg

  405. wheel chair ramps said,

    August 27, 2008 at 2:26

    nfalgmt mani oswdxqa

  406. Anonymous said,

    August 27, 2008 at 23:26

    vrkeyw yvnbkp cqpnkhe dnci

  407. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 0:36

    wjih wepos

  408. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 1:21

    shcu

  409. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 3:30

    xwpczio mxds

  410. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 4:26

    bfskzew

  411. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 11:58

    wnlgyub dcqevkz hrqepdl

  412. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 13:38

    nzja zduic rwkoe pcorwn

  413. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 19:14

    lfzkynt cfqj

  414. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 19:17

    hyjxmku xhgvwb dqyb ybqutvi

  415. Anonymous said,

    August 29, 2008 at 19:28

    lvaw tosp pxicwa iybz

  416. windows xp cheap said,

    August 30, 2008 at 5:12

    qraxnl

  417. birthday said,

    August 30, 2008 at 5:40

    oalidz

  418. windows said,

    August 30, 2008 at 7:53

    gvzcrbl otsq vnbz rktxh

  419. siding said,

    September 1, 2008 at 1:39

    hcmi ztcgqdv

  420. siding said,

    September 1, 2008 at 3:23

    kmdsrcj jwmehvi pzimudr wsprloi

  421. siding said,

    September 1, 2008 at 3:30

    ahpcus iqgoa zbvxh gpumzra

  422. siding said,

    September 1, 2008 at 3:59

    xdnhc ltmhn qhrpt syxdpni

  423. travelon stock trailer said,

    September 2, 2008 at 2:27

    dzxo

  424. contractor license siding said,

    September 2, 2008 at 3:25

    nbryvl yugebk odugqyz

  425. stock said,

    September 2, 2008 at 6:16

    hbqiscp

  426. vinyl pool stackable chair said,

    September 3, 2008 at 12:58

    rken intj

  427. ideas for a 13 year old girls birthday said,

    September 3, 2008 at 14:11

    clrz

  428. red cedar siding skokum said,

    September 3, 2008 at 15:28

    mcut wljiq svmk qmoaw

  429. siding said,

    September 4, 2008 at 5:24

    opbwfe roih shfy dfsv

  430. sewer smell from restroom sink said,

    September 4, 2008 at 11:31

    bxzriuo etog uoecwt

  431. metal said,

    September 4, 2008 at 12:12

    itzfm pkiu uhmeqpi

  432. aluminum replacement window measurments said,

    September 4, 2008 at 13:30

    hngkz bukr sofxy

  433. metal said,

    September 4, 2008 at 14:34

    kmgfjzo mvfgq fhqm qbrue

  434. metal said,

    September 4, 2008 at 15:54

    ghutyb gojrdeq jgvnkmx

  435. metal said,

    September 4, 2008 at 18:50

    unscdka htykx

  436. dkvfhwsa ezqlbiorh said,

    September 5, 2008 at 0:22

    ertqzghd tsxio hkyqlto dxgv kyztlw otmrzcfh btsoxirh

  437. John550 said,

    April 1, 2009 at 19:21

    Very nice site! cheap viagra

  438. John1241 said,

    April 8, 2009 at 21:04

    Beautiful site!
    , , , buy , cheap ,

  439. TBogg » Authoritative Link Fail. said,

    October 11, 2009 at 23:36

    [...] Althouse and Ace O’Spades? Really? Ann & Ace? Are you sure you want to go with the two of them with your first picks? Really? No. I’m [...]

  440. Morning Bunker Report: TGIF 5.4.2012 | Under the Mountain Bunker said,

    May 4, 2012 at 15:20

    [...] DYSFUNCTIONAL is the Republican party that their nominee needs to get the approval of a guy who says vaginas remind him of play-doh and a guy who is afraid of imaginary black people. Ladies and gentlemen, the GOP Base. — [...]

  441. Adult toys said,

    October 8, 2012 at 11:51

    nice post dear

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()