Posted at 18:43 by Travis G.

Shorter Everybody On The Internet

Above: A bunch of people who are jinxed and owe one another a Coke

  • The senseless massacre at Virginia Tech basically confirms everything I’ve been saying all along.

‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.


  1. hotkarl said,

    April 17, 2007 at 18:56

    I hope you are monitoring HotAir.com today. Talk about a goldmine of comments.

    Their big conspiracies: He came from anti-American South Korea and had “Ismail Ax” written on his arm, which means he’s a Jihadist. He also was an English major, which means we must have been a Marxist. Also, that kid with the cellphone video was a Saudi. Coincidence?

  2. mikey said,

    April 17, 2007 at 19:03

    It’s just a crazy fucker with weapons. It’s hard to get your mind around precisely because it HAS no meaning. It’s an aberation. I’ll make 2 quick points.

    First, there is a major loophole in the societal deterrent to mass murder. After you kill your first victim, there is no additional sanction, no greater punishment that can serve as a check on your further actions. After this guy killed the people in the dorm, he knew he was all done. He knew he would most likely take his own life rather than accept the consequences for the killing. But either way, there was nothing left with which society could up the ante and cause the killer to think “well, it’s going to be better for me if I just stop now”.

    Now, that said, most mass killers or spree killers like this stop before they are stopped. Killing is emotionally very draining, and even in cases like Columbine the killers just burn out their rage and have nothing behind it to sustain their lethality. So in most cases, the number of victims is constrained by the sudden leaden sense of numbness, the emptiness in your soul, the feeling, despite how you started, that you just don’t want to kill any more.

    Whitman, Huberty and this guy are the three I can think of that didn’t stop, that somehow managed to continue to kill right up until the end. What does that mean? Three guys, about twenty years apart? If anything, it means that these badly defective individuals are very rare, and for the rest of us, I guess, that can be a comfort…


  3. pch1013 said,

    April 17, 2007 at 19:05

    Shorter Shorter Everybody on the Internet:

    Muslims exist; therefore, everything bad is their fault.

  4. Xanthippas said,

    April 17, 2007 at 19:23

    Well said. And mostly true.

  5. john doe said,

    April 17, 2007 at 19:36

    I am John Doe. If I see a person of Asian descent raving and acting unhinged, I will report them. Hi, Michelle.

  6. Leonard Pierce said,

    April 17, 2007 at 19:40

    The senseless massacre at Virginia Tech basically confirms everything I’ve been saying all along.

    That’s exactly what I’VE been saying all along!

  7. AkaDad said,

    April 17, 2007 at 19:56

    I think this pretty much confirms all my prior confirmations…

  8. J— said,

    April 17, 2007 at 20:06

    And one more thing, self-proclaimed expert cultural critics of the internet: Remember to cite yourselves!

  9. commander other said,

    April 17, 2007 at 20:20

    i’m all for gun control. i tend to keep mine in my pants, occasionally it’s even loaded. after fifteen years of marriage, no less!

    btw, please email me immediately if someone’s about to shoot me. it’ll undoubtedly help me to determine which way to fall.

  10. ahem said,

    April 17, 2007 at 20:34

    A direct descendent of Why the Bombings Mean That We Must Support My Politics, whose authorship is related to the ‘Shorter’ concept.

  11. Lunatic Left » Blog Archive » Ha! - A Liberal Blog with Interesting Content Therein said,

    April 17, 2007 at 20:49

    [...] Hilarious. [...]

  12. Col. Klink said,

    April 17, 2007 at 20:49

    I think Mikey gets some mojo for his comments.

  13. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 17, 2007 at 21:17

    Did anyone catch Tim Kane’s speech to assembled VTers on NPR? It sounded like a campaign speech to me. Maybe I’m missing something in VIrginian culture that says it’s appropriate, but he made the president seem socially gifted.

  14. iPundit said,

    April 17, 2007 at 21:24

    I am iPundit. I am an annotated bibliography unto myself.

  15. grampaw said,

    April 17, 2007 at 21:46

    Drats, poster “ahem” beat me to it.

    And I thought the d2/streetlawyer connection wasn’t widely known, but I guess it’s a small internet.

  16. robert green said,

    April 18, 2007 at 0:16

    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/5644.html#comments this comment confirms exactly what i believe this comment confirms, which in turn is what i believe this:
    http://www.sadlyno.com/archives/5644.html#comments said so succinctly.

    shorter this: this.

  17. sadly « ex-lion tamer said,

    April 18, 2007 at 1:00

    [...] sadly it is turning out just as i feared. [...]

  18. Zeno said,

    April 18, 2007 at 5:31

    Motion is Impossible and I Proved it.

    So fuck you.

  19. Achilles said,

    April 18, 2007 at 20:01

    Motion is Impossible and I Proved it.

    Sorry, you’re only halfway there.

  20. It's the hippies fault « Writhe Safely said,

    April 22, 2007 at 3:49

    [...] THUNDERSTRUCK! [...]

  21. Continuing the rant... « The Patch said,

    April 24, 2007 at 11:34

    [...] Continuing the rant… Filed under: Politics — freshlysqueezedcynic @ 10:34 am Okay, that was just something I had to get off my chest (and my drafts). Anger fuels the writing process no end, especially when you’ve got a target to hit, and in this case it’s the Virginia Tech shootings, which have, in the immortal words of Brad R. at Sadly, No!, brought people of every race, creed and religion along to join together to say: ”The senseless massacre at Virginia Tech basically confirms everything I’ve been saying all along.” [...]

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