Apr
4

Men Without Hats




Posted at 16:56 by Travis G.

My esteemed colleague, F. Brad Fitzaltrocket, takes a stab at the Grand Unifying Theory of the Ole Perfesser and jots out the following equation:

This burgeoning technodorkofascist movement doesn’t yet have an official slogan, but I think a good one would be: “iVolk, iReich, iPerfesser!�

That’s pretty good, but I suspect their slogan is something far more banal — yet somehow even more disturbing:

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y … Safety, dance!

They are Men Without Hats.

glennswithouthats4.jpg
Above middle: Popular blogger Glenn ‘Instapundit’ Reynolds

We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well they’re no friends of mine
I say, we can go where we want to
A place where they will never find
And we can act like we come from out of this world
Leave the real one far behind
And we can dance

We can go when we want to
The night is young and so am I
And we can dress real neat from our hats to our feet
And surprise ‘em with the victory cry
Say, we can act if want to
If we don’t nobody will
And you can act real rude and totally removed
And I can act like an imbecile

I say, we can dance, we can dance
Everything out of control
We can dance, we can dance
We’re doing it from pole to pole
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody look at your hands
We can dance, we can dance
Everybody takin’ the cha-a-a-ance

Safety dance
Is it safe to dance?
Is it safe to dance?

S-s-s-s A-a-a-a F-f-f-f E-e-e-e T-t-t-t Y-y-y-y
Safety, dance!

We can dance if we want to
We’ve got all your life and mine
As long as we abuse it, never gonna lose it
Everything’ll work out right
I say, we can dance if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance
Well they’re no friends of mine

Is it safe to dance? oh is it safe to dance?
Is it safe to dance?

41 Comments »

  1. norbizness said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:24

    Pop Goes the World!

  2. Men Without Jimmy Hats said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:24

    Aw, I thought it was about Safety PANTS. Now what am I gonna get President Piddlepants?

  3. Pim said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:30

    Somewhat off-topic, but the javascript that accompanies your ‘Read the rest of this entry’ links doesn’t work in Safari. I have to drag the link to my url bar (or copy/paste it) to get to the articles. Whaaaa!

  4. legion said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:36

    Personally, I think that picture makes the Perfesser look more like a refugee from Devo. All he needs is the big red hat…

  5. Luke said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:36

    Not to be a prick, but it was actually “Men at Work” who sang “Safety Dance”.

  6. RoonDog said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:40

    Uh, no, Luke. It was Men Without Hats. Norbizness, Pop Goes the World is still one of the greats and still has currency!

  7. RentedMule said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:43

    Luke – ahem
    Sadly, no! it was indeed “Men Without Hats” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Safety_Dance

  8. Suburban Guerrilla » My Brain is Bleeding said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:49

    [...] This post got the fucking Safety Dance stuck in my head, and I know it’s going to be there for the rest of forever, and with that realization I’ve become bitter and spiteful and full of hate and I’m going to make you bastards to suffer with me. [...]

  9. billy pilgrim said,

    April 4, 2007 at 17:49

    How could I not click on the post that says Men Without Hats? How could I not?

    One question tho: Do all those wingnuts have a Fivehead?

    Maybe if they all just weren’t suffering from MPB, they wouldn’t be so ready to crap their pants at every loud noise.

  10. J— said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:00

    Not to be a prick, but I think the first “Is it safe to dance?” link, the one to Rox Populi, needs fixing.

  11. Travis G. said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:07

    Thanks. I knew one of them got busted, J—-, but I couldn’t find which one.

  12. kiche said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:22

    reynolds lives in knoxville tennessee (actually a suburb of the city).

    reynolds is a law professor.

    he knows damn well that al quaeda or jihadists or what have you will never ever, ever attack his town.

    this safety shit is a ruse.

    try TAX CUTS! TAX CUTS FOR RICH SELF ABSORBED LAW PROFESSORS!

    and the cutting off any government monies going to the peasants who live around him.

    the reason he buys all that useless yuppie crap is because they are modern day lordly status symbols.

  13. jenni said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:37

    “I had thought that one of the major reasons for invading Iraq was to put the squeeze on Iran…”

    buddy, i think you’re the only person that thought that when we invaded iraq. i wish you would have let the rest of us know 5 years ago. i think there’s something to that proverb: “hindsight is 20/20.”

  14. mikey said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:47

    And hey, it’s a funny way to “put the sqeeze” on anyone. Eliminate their two most significant enemies and give them power in an entire major oil producing country they never had any influence over before. Essentially radically alter the balance of power in the gulf region in Iran’s favor. Oh yeah, dudes, nice sqeeze…

    mikey

  15. MJP said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:50

    I’m pretty sure the line is “they’re doing it from pole to pole.”

    /dork

  16. Righteous Bubba said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:58

    Can’t forget the poles.

  17. norbizness said,

    April 4, 2007 at 18:58

    Everybody look at your Hans? WTF?!?

  18. cucuracha said,

    April 4, 2007 at 19:04

    You know Ole Glenn Livid would much prefer to get up-ah to something like the Tubes or the Fixx.

  19. Fee Waybill said,

    April 4, 2007 at 19:35

    That hurts, man. I’ve had it; I’ll talk to ya later.

  20. J— said,

    April 4, 2007 at 19:44

    Wasted time in every school in L.A.

  21. Klein's Tiny Left Nut said,

    April 4, 2007 at 20:26

    What do you want from life?

    To try and be happy while you do the nasty things you must.

  22. a different brad said,

    April 4, 2007 at 20:42

    So, who wants to offer odds these three foreign born Yale students arrested for burning a flag are about to become the Ward Churchill honorary chair of the department of Proof of Everything Wingnuts Ever Claim?
    Fuckin brlliant work, fellas.

  23. finifiniTOOBZ! said,

    April 4, 2007 at 21:36

    #

    cucuracha said,

    April 4, 2007 at 19:04

    You know Ole Glenn Livid would much prefer to get up-ah to something like the Tubes or the Fixx.

    He’s definitely a Fixx fan, especially Red Skies At Night

  24. Some Guy said,

    April 4, 2007 at 21:41

    Safety Dance?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-bIhCBSrzU

    I’m nothing if not a bubbling cauldron of useless pop culture references.

  25. teh l4m3 said,

    April 4, 2007 at 23:06

    Only slightly OT, but can any of you dickheads visit my blog and give me some advice? I’d really appreciate it. Thanks

    http://tehl4m3.blogspot.com/

  26. Dhalgren said,

    April 4, 2007 at 23:31

    Absolutely brilliant. I think Sadly has made the case that he keeps tabs on wingnuts better than anyone around. I mean, I didn’t know of any link between Reynolds and Lileks until now.

  27. digamma and the Hung Jury said,

    April 5, 2007 at 0:35

    Bravo.

  28. BrooklynRaider said,

    April 5, 2007 at 1:16

    Hm…. Futurama got there first, it seems:

    FRY: (whispers to That Guy) Hey, buddy… I’m from the same time as you. Remember that song, Safety Dance?

    THAT GUY: Sure do! We can dance!
    (starts humming ‘The Safety Dance’ and Fry follows)

    FRY: Y’know, that dance wasn’t as safe as they said it was.

    THAT GUY: I tell you; Two go-go 80′s Reaganauts like us… we could rule this world!

    FRY: No question!

    THAT GUY: If only someone would give us a shot.

    FRY: They’re scared of our raw power. Oh, but if you want a job, I could beg everyone at the company where I work.

    THAT GUY: Awesome. Awesome to the max!

  29. islmfaoscist said,

    April 5, 2007 at 1:24

    Feb 22, 2004 | 8:59 PM ET
    “EXPERTS AGREE: WAR GOING WELL!”

    Heh. Indeed.

  30. justme said,

    April 5, 2007 at 1:45

    Not to be a prick, but

    Oh, who am I kidding.

  31. GeoX said,

    April 5, 2007 at 2:58

    Men without Hats were surprisingly awesome–nearly every song they recorded sounds like it should have been a hit single. Seriously.

  32. Vic said,

    April 5, 2007 at 3:53

    I like that “Teh Sadly” logo in the pics! (Not just because I made that font, either.)

  33. Anne Laurie said,

    April 5, 2007 at 4:03

    87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

    This is from teh awesome Skippy’s List at http://www.skippyslist.com/skippylist.html , which I wandered across while following one of the wikipedia links above. Skippy’s List made me laugh a lot, which is always nice on a sleety Wednesday. If S,N! ever gets tired of the Seinfeld quotes, you guys should consider asking Skippy for permission to use his list. Especially the following item, which could be considered the S,N! motto:

    116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.

  34. ifthethunderdontgetyaâ„¢ said,

    April 5, 2007 at 4:09

    Sadly, Doh!

    The Beavis and Butthead where they watch the Safety Dance has been deleted from teh yoo+00bz. (Thanks for nothing, google.)

    Anyways...

  35. mikey said,

    April 5, 2007 at 4:13

    116. Crucifying mice – bad idea.

    Well yeah, but just due to their morphology. :Lemme help out, here.

    116. Crucifying Rhesus Monkeys – Oh, ok, go ahead.

    Fixed!

    mikey

  36. El Cid said,

    April 5, 2007 at 4:46

    Hee hee:

    GOP advocate targeted in Abramoff probe
    By JOHN HEILPRIN, Associated Press Writer Wed Apr 4, 2:45 PM ET
    http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/abramoff_federici;_ylt=AoXLb89A7qT8EZ5TRhp5Lj4DW7oF

    WASHINGTON – The head of a Republican environmental advocacy group has been told officially by federal investigators that she is a target for criminal prosecution in the Jack Abramoff corruption probe.

    Italia Federici, who co-founded the group with former Interior Secretary Gale Norton and conservative GOP activist Grover Norquist, was told by the Justice Department she faces up to five charges in the influence-peddling scandal that has produced convictions against one lawmaker, two senior Bush administration officials and several congressional aides.

    While running the advocacy group, the Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy, Federici was involved in a romantic relationship with J. Steven Griles, who was deputy interior secretary during President Bush’s first term. Griles last month became the highest-ranking Bush administration official convicted in the lobbying scandal when he pleaded guilty to a felony charge of obstructing justice by lying to the Senate Indian Affairs Committee in 2005.

    …Investigators have been looking at the hundreds of thousands of dollars that Federici’s environmental advocacy council received from Abramoff’s Indian tribal clients and from energy and mining companies, including some of Griles’ former clients.

    Federal prosecutors told Federici in a confidential letter dated Jan. 19 that they are considering bringing charges of fraud, impeding the
    Internal Revenue Service, tax evasion, obstructing the Senate committee and testifying falsely to the committee and its investigators. The letter was first reported by Legal Times.

    “The investigation is focused on the allegedly illegal manner in which you operated the Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy, commonly known as CREA,” the letter says. “The government has also received information that you may have assisted others in depriving the American public of the honest services of at least one administration official.”

  37. Candy said,

    April 5, 2007 at 4:47

    OT but I just got back from seeing John Edwards at me kid’s high school. He himself was fantastic, and so was Elizabeth. One caveat: Teh staff has got to get a better handle on organizing and running these events. A HUGE packed crowd of people in a hot gymnasium waiting almost an hour past start time – not a good thing. And you get to suffer through the standard playlist of Dem rally songs for the last decade – I have never been to any sort of Dem gathering where Tom Petty’s song “Runnin’ Down a Dream” didn’t get played at least one time, and tonight played it was. I take that back. Come to think of it, when I saw Obama a few weeks ago, he didn’t play it. In fact, he had a local musician play. John should send some spies into Obama’s camp and see how they do a show, but I don’t really think he needs Obama’s staff’s slickness, just their timing..

    But Edwards comes across as genuine, passionate, and positively stuffed with ideas. Guess I’ll be caucusing for him.

    That being said, I always dug on the Safety Dance. I thought that guy was teh hawt, despite his crazy demeanor. Hell, probably because of it. I’ve always been attracted to good looking lunatics.

  38. mdhåtter said,

    April 5, 2007 at 5:18

    Righteous Bubba said, “Can’t forget the poles.”

    How could we ever forget Poland?

  39. Qetesh the Abyssinian said,

    April 5, 2007 at 14:53

    I will give my love forever, if you promise me you’ll never never never…

  40. RoonDog said,

    April 5, 2007 at 16:15

    “Can’t forget the Poles?

    Reminds me of a joke from one of my Russian history profs who, when making such jokes, seemed always to give the tsars his own native Yiddish accent:

    Messenger: Tsar Nicholas! Tsar Nicholas! The Poles are revolting!

    Nich !: You’re telling me?

  41. Jimmmm said,

    April 6, 2007 at 12:46

    Glen Reynolds: Men Without Dicks.

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