Ten Commandments Prove Liberals Hate Ten Commandments
My new work schedule has kept me away from my old friends at Townhall, but a quick visit today reminded me of why we used to hang out in the first place:
Why liberals are right to hate the Ten Commandments
by Michael Medved
Ah, it’s like I never was away.
The left’s fiery obsession with removing Ten Commandments monuments from public property throughout the United States may seem odd and irrational but actually reflects the deepest values of contemporary liberalism.
Those last five words are bracketed by air quotes.
Even for militant separationists like the ACLU, this ferocious hostility to innocuous and generally uncontroversial monuments looks excessive, even self-destructive. The overwhelming majority of Americans instinctively accept the Commandments as a timeless, cherished summary of universal moral precepts. A closer look at the specifics of the Decalogue, however, suggests that it makes good sense for leftists to hate The Big Ten: each one of the commandments contradicts a different pillar of trendy liberal thinking.
This paragraph is packed so densely with stupidity and emotionally charged words that I’m afraid to unpack it for fear that it will pop open like those novelty snake nut cans and I’ll never stuff it all back inside. (However, I will call your attention to the singular “pillar” in that last sentence, which is nagging me like a boner in math class.)
Above: Much closer in form to my own idea of an innocuous, generally uncontroversial monument
Medved uses the written word of the Lord Your God (Protestant/Jewish version, natch) in his continuing efforts to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that liberals are total hypocrites:
“I am the Lord Your God” This one makes liberals obviously and instantly uncomfortable … Secularists therefore resent the notion of an open, out-of-the-closet Deity who shows off in such a noisy, flashy way, staging the Exodus from Egypt with all its plagues and sea-splitting, then announcing himself in a voice from the mountaintop heard by hundreds of thousands of people.
And now, in his most challenging performance yet, JM J. Bullock tackles the role of the Lord Your God!
“You shall not recognize the gods of others in My presence” Talk about intolerance and judgmentalism! This commandment denies the very essence of multiculturalism and diversity: by what right do we dismiss and disrespect the gods of others?
Wait, didn’t Medved just accuse liberals of being religion-suppressing dickholes? Like, in the previous paragraph? And now he’s saying we’re polytheistic religious freaks who’ll bow down and pray to anything from pagan gods revered by ancient, and now dead, societies to statues of political leaders? That doesn’t even make any sense.
“You shall not take the Name of the Lord your God in vain” For liberals, this rule highlights the right wing’s eternal, anal-retentive obsession with proper language and dirty words … [Ed. note: Wait for it.] “Piss Christ,â€? and activists on the left are always more eager to defend any divine designations (like “God Almighty!â€? or “Jesus Christ!â€?) if they’re pronounced as curse words (protected speech) rather than with reverence (violating separation of church-and-state).
Some scholars have argued that this commandment covers the making and breaking of bargains with God, rather than asking him to damn to hell that fucking Lego buried within the shag carpet that you stepped on in your sock feet, goddamit. While that’s certainly a topic open to thoughtful debate, there’s no denying that I like to swear.
“Remember the Sabbath day to sanctify it” Most liberals are okay with the Sabbath stuff, but they squirm over that part of this directive that says, “Six days shall you work….â€??!! What kind of exploitative boss would dare to demand a six day work week from today’s unionized laborers?
Uh, dude. You’re reaching so far there you’re going to tip over.
“Honor your father and your mother” The expectation of honoring your elders burdens youthful free spirits with the dead, oppressive influence of tradition and the past. Progressive thinkers understand that in defining proper standards of dress, grooming, music, entertainment and sexual mores, it’s kids (and particularly adolescents), not parents, who really know best.
That’s why I intend to give my first-born child $10, a bus pass and a duffle bag full of dirty magazines upon his third birthday. “Your guess is as good as mine, kid,” I’ll tell him as he embarks on his journey of discovery.
“You shall not kill” On the surface, this sounds reasonable enough to liberals, but they can’t stand the context: just one chapter later in the same book of the Bible (Exodus, 21:12), God and Moses give orders to break their own rule: “One who strikes a man, so that he dies, shall surely be put to deathâ€? … In other words, the Bible makes a clear distinction that liberals emphatically deny. The left loves slogans that declare that that execution is murder, war is murder, meat is murder, and so forth, but the God of Exodus who emphatically bans murder also specifically authorizes execution, war and meat.
And it’s the Jesus of the New Testament that urges his followers to be peacemakers. To be fair, Medved is Jewish, and so doesn’t necessarily follow those teachings, but he is one of the most consistent champions of some blended Judeo-Christian religious tradition that’s intended by its wingnut proponents as a historical reason to hate Muslims and ignore the cheek-turning New Testament in favor of the more vengegul, fireball-tossing God of the Old Testament.
“You shall not commit adultery” To which the post-modern left would quickly add: unless you really, really love her.
Actually, I’m with Medved on this one; adultery is an awful, destructive thing. That’s why you shouldn’t have sex with someone else unless your spouse is there, too.
“You shall not steal” For lefties, this prohibition smacks of the right’s selfish emphasis on private property … If you believe it’s virtuous for government to seize by force the majority of an individual’s earnings (remember the pre-Reagan, top income tax rate of 70%?), you ought to feel somewhat uncomfortable with an absolute ban on stealing.
If someone out there is able to track down the Walter Williams column from a few years ago that argues that Jesus would be in favor of tax cuts for the rich because he hated stealing, would you be a lamb and e-mail it to travisg@sadlyno? I can’t find that anywhere on the Internet, for some reason, and that might be wife’s all-time favorite piece of writing.
“You shall not bear false witness” Some liberals may endorse this commandment, but only when it’s applied to Scooter Libby.
Oh. My. God. My powers of satire aren’t nearly powerful enough to have come up with something as awesome as that. Even more impressively, he finishes this paragraph with a rant about evolution. Michael, you should work for us! Seriously. You’re good at this.
“You shall not covet your fellow’s house. You shall not covet your fellow’s wife, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, nor anything that belongs to your fellow.” Among many other problems, this commandment outrages PETA with its unacceptable suggestions like animal companions like oxen and donkeys can ever “belongâ€? to their human friends…
Medved, that’s comedy gold. You’ve missed your true calling as a conservative parodist. (Or has he…?)
…Meanwhile, the ban on coveting involves a restriction on a feeling, a desire, and it’s politically incorrect to suppress or deny or stifle authentic emotions. Blaming yourself for coveting can only undermine self-esteem, and the emergence and liberation of your precious inner child. Moreover, the entire leftist project is largely based on covetousness: resenting the “filthy richâ€? for…
He goes on like this for a bit.
….heavy taxes on “havesâ€? for the purported benefits of “have-notsâ€?, depends on coveting for its energy and rationale. On the other hand, the Bible’s unmistakable emphasis on the sanctity of private property (“You shall not covet your fellow’s houseâ€?) clearly contradicts the left’s emphasis on a communitarian and collectivist outlook, in which the state becomes the ultimate owner of everything.
Ironically, wealth redistribution is another attempt to solve to the problem of coveting.
Reviewing the Ten Commandments one by one exposes their irreconcilable conflict with the demented and dysfunctional philosophy of today’s left.
The part that makes me happiest about this column is the very first reader comment, which scolds Medved for his “jesting and irreverant manner about God’s holy Word.” The commenter even uses the word “spake.”
I hadn’t realized how much I missed this crap.
Look. It never occurred to anyone that murder, theft, and lying about important stuff were bad until Moses came back from his hike.
It just didn’t.
Nope.
Travis, we love and appreciate what you’re doing for us, but stop it before you get hooked again. Comedy gold is not worth deading your soul for.
Boy, swat down one drunken pass from Medved in a bar, and you get shit on in like 100 straight columns.
I’m sorry. I don’t get that camouflaged penis in a nut can thingy. Os is that a Ted Haggard lure? I can never tell anymore…
That last one is actually 7 commandments, so I’ll leave his house alone, but I’m going to covet the hell out of his wife and ox. Maybe after a bottle of wine or two, we’ll talk the man- and maid-servant into getting a little adventurous.
If Medved’s Jewish, why would he shy away from the Hebrew version?
It’s got all that good hate-on-teh-haters goin’ on in it:
2. Thou shalt have no other gods before Me. …for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me…
Oh, man. He’s not even trying!
The adultery thing, for example. Doesn’t he know that liberals are anti-marriage? (Unless, of course, it involves gays or animals…) That’s where your joke is, Medved!
And I won’t even go into the stupidity of choosing a Scooter Libby joke when the Clenis stands, ready and willing, to fill that gap…
With such an uncanny ability to find the non-joke when so many good ones surround him, Medved is a guy in Plato’s cave who keeps looking at the floor…
So if the 10th commandment is all about personal property rights, that means that wives are property?
Maybe that’s the basis of objections to same sex marriage, if you’ve got two men or two women how can you tell which one is the property and which one is the owner?
Vengeful, not vengegul. I can’t help myself.
Boy, swat down one drunken pass from Medved in a bar, and you get shit on in like 100 straight columns.
No way. If you gave it to him, he’d spend 1000 columns decrying the horrible, vile practices of the homos. It would be his raison d’être. Right now he’s stuck on religion.
Thou shalt not covet; but tradition
Approves all forms of competition.
“…the Bible’s unmistakable emphasis on the sanctity of private property (“You shall not covet your fellow’s houseâ€?) clearly contradicts the left’s emphasis on a communitarian and collectivist outlook…”
“If anyone takes your coat, let him have your shirt as well”, say the leftist strawhippies.
Secularists therefore resent the notion of an open, out-of-the-closet Deity who shows off in such a noisy, flashy way
As a secularist, I object to this complete misrepresentation of my views. If he, meaning God, not Medved, were to show up one day at rush hour on the big balcony of Grand Central mincing and prancing about in gold lame lined robes proclaiming his fabulousness and commanding us to obey his rules I’d totally be impressed. I wouldn’t resent that at all.
“You shall not recognize the gods of others in My presence�
Hardly an accurate translation. Judaism has polytheistic roots, and it made sense when the scores of commandments for this one to imply YHWH’s acceptance that other gods exist. Wrap your heads around that one.
And do we even need to talk about conservatives’ track records regarding marital fidelity?
And where would capitalism be without covetousness?
And… And… Okay, Medved’s driving me nuts. Enough!
Meghan hit the nail on the head regarding marriage.
And I would say, go ahead and covet Medved’s wife all you want. It’s not like he’s got a use for her.
Most people are satisfied with beating down a strawman. Medved apparently preferred to stuff a bunch of them in his tiny vehicle of a premise and take a lap around Clownhall.
Wow, there’s enough straw in those arguments to build an entire city in New Zealand!
Why I can’t groove to HIS message:
“I am the Lord Your God�
Dude, you are SO not. But if you were, you’d tell me yourself, not outsource your word to a single guy 5000 years ago — and then Pat Robertson.
“You shall not recognize the gods of others in My presence�
But how I can miss you if you just won’t go away? Know what I’m saying? I need some room. I’m just not a one God guy and even if I was, I’m totally put off by the jealous type. Plus Zeus over there has one cherry camero and he lets me drive it. Why don’t you just pretend not to notice?
“You shall not take the Name of the Lord your God in vain�
Well, you shouldn’t be so vain about the name Lord Your God.
“Remember the Sabbath day to sanctify it.”
I do. My sacred ritual involves football, beer and maybe a poker game. Cool?
“You shall not commit adultery�
What happened to “Thou” anyway? I thought it was “Thou shall not commit adultery”. I appreciate the common touch, but when you say ‘You shall not commit adultery’, it scans like a Fortune Cookie message — like, “Oh, I’m not? That’s a relief, because that cougar at the end of the bar has been giving me the eye all night long.”
You shall not steal
I’m with you here. Totally. I just wish your son didn’t rip off the whole Mithras thing and claim it for his birthday. You can dispute it and call it an homage or something, but I think that’s sneaky. And what if someone else buys something, gives it to me and I burn it to a CD? Stealing or no? Why aren’t you TALKING TO ME?
You shall not bear false witness
I’ve been meaning to address this with you too. Again, I agree, but if, hypothetically, I decide, as, say, a preacher to go banging gay prostitutes while on meth — then call the whore a liar — shouldn’t my punishment be death by stoning? Or is this the little known Eleventh Commandment IOKIYAR? In which case, couldn’t I just call myself a Republican and become magically immune to obeying ANY of your commandments? Because it seems to work that way.
You shall not covet your fellow’s house. You shall not covet your fellow’s wife, his manservant, his maidservant, his ox, his donkey, nor anything that belongs to your fellow.
Here’s a brain teaser for you — don’t you break this with #2? You covet my undivided attention — catagorically forbidding me from even saying “hi” to any other God, yet it’s perfectly OK for you to command others? Nice gig you got there.
Good Odin! As an Ex-Christian (fundy too), dealing with these Godbots about the whole morality thing is just a waste of time. When you try, you find the basment of your IQ is stories above the ceiling of theirs.
Needs-Med-ved, convienently doesn’t bother to mention that “thou shalt not kill” episode was followed by God immediately commanding Moses and the Isrealites to commit all out genocide in the land-o-milk-and-blood, a land which they are stealing. Kinda blows the whole “absolute morality” thingy for ten mandments.
And gee, if we carry this out logically, think our free market capitalistic system would survive a ban on merchandise advertising as that is designed to make people “covet” the products? Doubt much would be allowed
BTW, the sabbath wasn’t dishonored by NOT WORKING six days, but for working the seventh. For that you were punished. Ask the guy the Isrealites stoned to death for picking up sticks on the sabbath, even though he wasn’t even a fucking Isrealite.
And now, in his most challenging performance yet, Jm J. Bullock tackles the role of the Lord Your God!
this is where I started laughing uncontrollably.
“I am the Lord Your Godâ€?: So Mikey doesn’t see anything wrong in having a government institution declare this? What about a plaque declaring “There is no god but Allah, and Mohhamed is his prophet”?
“Remember the Sabbath day to sanctify itâ€?: I actually like the idea of the Sabbath. It’s a day where not only do you don’t work, you don’t make anyone else work for you. Of course, in this country you always have to make some poor stiff work on Sunday for mininium wage because we can’t go a day without buying Cheetos.
“You shall not killâ€?: I’m surprised he didn’t mention abortion, cause we is such baby-killers.
To which the post-modern left would quickly add: unless you really, really love her.
Her? Hell, for us kinky liberals it’s them. And it’s not love, it’s animal lust, baby.
Couple of years ago, listing to that Scottish sailor who won the case to practice his religion in the British Navy, a LeVey style Satanist, he gave as one of the tenets of his religion that if someone did him wrong he was to smite them. At the time it was clear that his religion had a higher level of morality than George W. Bush’s, Iraq never attacked when he smote them.
The phony religion of conservatives is not religion, it’s a political circus. Medved, aka, world’s worst film reviewer, has just risen to his level of stupidity. He could hire a monkey to type his tripe.
This is like one of Mike Adams’s undercooked leftovers. Medved dug it out of the ToadHall breakroom fridge, gave it a quick sniff, and scarfed it on down.
If it was Mike Adams, he would have also mentioned the faculty and students he’s seen break these laws, and how he tried to stop them. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass” would be interesting.
Jeez. I need some help here. I’m trying to picture the guy that would represent this idiot’s view of “Teh Left” ™. I mean, this bundle of indecency, dishonesty, greed, lust and patchouli just shambles in and offends EVERYBODY! But here’s the thing. I’ve never met anybody close to being like this (imaginary) dude, and I hang with some serious lefties.
So when you create some imaginary villain and then defeat him with your clever rhetoric and the word of an invisible superhero who lives in outer space, you really haven’t accomplished a whole lot, know’m saying?
mikey
I love how his translation uses “fellow” instead of “neighbor.” Neighbors are just so…different, you know?
Wait a second!
Am I the only one who noticed this?
“Secularists therefore resent the notion of an open, out-of-the-closet Deity”
When did the Lord come out of the closet, and why is the only person who knew claiming to be a straight conservative? You’d think God would come out to his gay friends first…
Or maybe he has?
The Catholics have it right: how the fuck is “I Am The Lord Your God” a fucking commandment?
“I Am Michael Medved, And Don’t My Leather Chaps Look Super?” is not a commandment.
I wonder if he’s checked out The Big Guy’s punishment for those who do not honor their father and mother?
And he that curseth his father, or his mother, shall surely be put to death.
–Exodus 20:17
And to think I once got a lot of laughs out of The Golden Turkey Awards. Maybe the laughs were owing to Medved’s co-author, his brother Harry, because there’s no way the idiot we see today could have had anything to do with calculated humor.
“irreverant”
That entire shitpile of a column was worth reading just for this one word: It describes S,N! to a tee.
Spake? Spake? Who the hell spakes anymore?
nagging me like a boner in math class.)
What have you got against boners? Are you implying that there’s something inherently wrong with erections? I have a boner right now and I’m offended! This is just offensive! Sady, No! should be ashamed of themselves!
I’m telling zuzu.
Then you’ll be sorry.
“You shall not commit adulteryâ€? Unless you’re Gingrich, Guiliani, Livingston, or Haggard.
“You shall not stealâ€? Funny how this becomes tax related. Didn’t Jesus say “Render unto Ceasar?” Aren’t followers supposed to give 10 percent of their earnings to the church?
As far as graven images and idolatry, there’s something snarky I could say regarding two ton Ten Commandment monuments, Jesus Camp kids worshipping GBW cutouts and Reagan’s head on Mount Rushmore, but its just to much of a jumble to sort out.
I don’t know why the Right is opposed to Giulianni having “thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife” embossed on his forehead. Ditto for McCain. And Gingrich. My goodness, how many GOP Presidential hopefuls have been informed of this little known commandment? other than the Mormon. he seems to get it.
On the other hand, I’m glad my fellow Christ killer went over this. I never understood why my parents wouldn’t tolerate Paddington or Winnie the Pooh. I think they thought we weren’t supposed to witness flase bears. if only giant tablets were everywhere with religious dogma, I could have had bears around me as a child.
I always assumed Michael Medved was gay.
Just sayin’
I was spaking to Zarathustra just yesterday.
“I always assumed Michael Medved was gay.”
Uh,
Thank you, No!
Re: Walter Williams
This isn’t Jesus, stealing, and taxes so it might not be of much help to you, but Williams has a recurring line about the commandment against stealing and taxes. From his “Socialism is evil” (7/28/04):
It pops up again in his “Bogus rights” (2/8/06) as well as his “Why we love government” (11/29/06).
Jesus Camp kids worshipping GBW cutouts
I’m glad someone else agreed with me on that observation, goat or panic.
And thanks, J—–. I think that might be the column, but I sorta remembered Williams supposing in a bit more detail Our Lord and Savior’s views on taxation. But I might’ve added those recollections from the endless jokes Julie and I made about it.
And thanks, J—–. I think that might be the column, but I sorta remembered Williams supposing in a bit more detail Our Lord and Savior’s views on taxation. But I might’ve added those recollections from the endless jokes Julie and I made about it.
Somewhere out there there must be a clip of Pat Robertson explaining this position. I caught it on the 700 Club in the 80s and I was agog.
I prefer a god that has priestesses and that doesn’t give a rat’s ass if someone “believes” in him or not
Folks, my neighbor has the COOLEST ox. I mean, my ox is ok and stuff but, like my neighbor’s ox is like, wow.
I assume it is OK with everyone here if I just totally covet the shit out of that ox, right? ’cause we are all librul and we’re all cool with that? Right guys? Right?
I never understood why my parents wouldn’t tolerate Paddington or Winnie the Pooh.
Have we descended already to the level of making puerile jokes about ‘Gladly my cross-eyed bear’? I know I have.
Maybe Mr. Williams thinks Solomon didn’t tax the people to build the Temple? Or that David’s census was just for kicks? He should also check out 1 Sam. 8:14-17.
Yeah, s’alright, fardels. Covet away, big guy. Don’t let anybody stop you.
[ruffles fardels’ playful mop of hair]
Smiling Mort: Bless you. It has been 20 years since I last saw that playful mop of hair.
Fardels, dood, you are SO blowing it. I mean, they’ve got this FABULOUS ox down the road at the Miller place. I mean, that is one amazing ox, you check it out, you won’t covet that embarassment of an ox your neighbor has…
mikey
The overwhelming majority of Americans instinctively accept the Commandments as a timeless, cherished summary of universal moral precepts.
I had just got used to the idea that without christianity to impose an ethical code, then the US would descend ineluctably to a slough of feral violence. But now here’s Medved telling me that the ethical code is instinctive — encoded in your DNA or something — so you could all be atheists without it making any difference.
This is terribly confusing for foreigners.
“I assume it is OK with everyone here if I just totally covet the shit out of that ox, right? ’cause we are all librul and we’re all cool with that? Right guys? Right?”
Go ‘head. I ain’t no “ox blocker.”
Hell, I’m old enough to remember when you weren’t supposed to covet thy neighbors “ass.”
Your entire rationale is based on your trashing of the poor and downtrodden for the “haves” Medved. Why exactly is that worth a buck?
My favorite part is where the Medfly says liberals can’t abide the Second Commandment because it would keep them from worshiping statues of their dark master, Josef Stalin.
He’s a pip, that one.
Secularists therefore resent the notion of an open, out-of-the-closet Deity
When did the Lord come out of the closet, and why is the only person who knew claiming to be a straight conservative? You’d think God would come out to his gay friends first…
Straight or gay, who is this Invisible Sky Fairy fucking?
Straight or gay, who is this Invisible Sky Fairy fucking?
Tinkerbell.
“Straight or gay, who is this Invisible Sky Fairy fucking?”
Whoever he damn well pleases.
Insert “Glory Hole” joke here.
Hey, wait. I can do this, too.
Why Liberals Hate “America the Beautiful”
1. “Oh beautiful”– Calling something or someone “beautiful” involves a value judgment that liberals regard with a hatey hate. What about places that aren’t beautiful? Where is the fairness in thinking that something is beautiful is beautiful?
2. “For spacious skies”–Liberals hate the idea of “spacious skies” because countries whose skies are not spacious will feel inferior when they behold the spaciousness of our skies, and we love other countries with all the love we have left over because we hate America.
3. “For amber waves of grain”–Oh really? And just who is going to harvest that amber grain? Poorly-paid, non-unionized illegal immigrant grainists, that’s who. This is especially hateful from our hate-filled point of hate.
4. “For purple mountains’ majesties”– Mountains should be left alone, we liberals think, because we’re against (and we hate) all exploitation of nature. So just stop talking about mountains.
5. “Above the fruited plains”– Actually this is a line we love, because it describes a series of plains covered with homosexuals. And what liberal doesn’t love that?
6. “America, America”– Totally hateful on its face.
7. “God shed His grace on thee” — “God”? What about Vishnu? What about Allah? I am blinded by hate whenever I hear this line–blinded, yes, but not so blind as to be unable to hate.
8. “And crown thy good”– “Crown”? As in, a king or queen? That’s not very socialistic, now, is it? And therefore unutterably hateful.
9. “From sea to shining sea”– Why are the seas shining? Because of oil spills and exploitation of the grouper population and other bad things. I don’t see how anyone in their right mind cannot but hate a shining sea.
See?
I forgot:
8a. “With brotherhood”– Sexist, oppressive to women, and patriarchal. I’m so full of hate for this (and for everything) that I cannot express my supreme hateyness.
(Sorry)
which is nagging me like a boner in math class
Sweetie, if maths makes you hard, you’re in the wrong career!
Even for militant separationists like the ACLU
Excuse me, I’m from another country. What the buggeryfuck is he talking about?
Moreover, the entire leftist project is largely based on covetousness: resenting the “filthy rich� for…
Yes, I resent the filthy rich for being filthy. I have to wash, why the hell can’t they?
As far as graven images and idolatry, there’s something snarky I could say regarding two ton Ten Commandment monuments, Jesus Camp kids worshipping GBW cutouts and Reagan’s head on Mount Rushmore, but its just to much of a jumble to sort out.
Indeed, goat or panic. Incidentally, did you choose that name deliberately so the initials would line up? Love the goat reference. There should be more goats.
Hey, Lord Your God didn’t say anything about coveting goats! Hot diggety, I’m a gonna get me some goats, and covet like crazy!
The overwhelming majority of Americans instinctively accept the Commandments as a timeless, cherished summary of universal moral precepts.
Now, as far as I know, the basic human instincts are finding food, avoiding predators, and looking for a root. So which of those three categories does “instinctively accepting the 10 Big C’s” fall into? It’s (at least the 2 ton rock thing) too slow to chase you, and you’d probably break all your teeth if you tried to eat it. Does that mean that “the overwhelming majority of Americans” has the urge to shag that thing?
Won’t someone think of the children?!?
“Indeed, goat or panic. Incidentally, did you choose that name deliberately so the initials would line up? ”
Truth be told, I never realized that the initials were GOP. “Goat or Panic” is in reference to the Right Wing talking point that on the morning of 9/11 GWB sat in a classroom and listened to “The Pet Goat” so as not to cause the schoolchildren to panic.
By the way “buggeryfuck” is now my new favorite word.
Does that mean that “the overwhelming majority of Americans� has the urge to shag that thing?
Ahhh, Qetesh, you always find a way to cut thru the crap and get to the catnip. Got me to thinking, though. As someone who can confidently state that I have broken all ten commandments, colorfully, dramatically and repeatedly, I’m right there with a great big fuck ’em. Sure, for the most part you could say they are reasonable moral guidelines, in the same way that quitting smoking is a good way to extend lifespans. Leaving aside the god stupidity. But c’mon. If you need the threat of eternal damnation in order to prevent you from killing, stealing, raping, generally doing bad shit, you will most likely find a justification to do what you want to do…
mikey
Since I’m a mild sinner (I swear, judge obesity, and sometimes take a mental health day) may I say that I well and truly despise/loathe/abhor the neocons… I hate hate hate these assholes. The more they yap the more I hate them. My hate is reaching gritted-teeth proportions. I may need a pill soon.
“the ten crack commandments”
WTF, how did Medved miss my all-time favourite commandment, the one which was so important that God had to tell it to Moses three times?
Exodus 23:19: Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk.
Exodus 34:26: Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk.
Deuteronomy 14:21: Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk.
Ahhh, fuck. Ok, I’ll take the pot off the stove. But what the hell SHOULD I cook a young goat in?
mikeye
Oh, mikey, you old ox-coveter you. You should eat the young goat raw, of course.
Glad you liked my nuevo word, goat or panic. Use it and think of me.
And I do think your name is a pretty good overall description of the GOP, regardless of 9/11.
I can’t help wondering, in the stillness of my room, what the brainstorming session on that mountain must have looked like…
Lord Your God sayeth: What have we got so far?
Moses sayeth: Killing, stealing, taking Your name in vain…
LYG: That’s important, that one.
Mo: Yes, yes, yes. What about “Liar, liar, pants on fire”?
LYG: Like it, Mo, like it. How many’s that then?
Mo: Only four. Bloody hellfire, saving Your presence. Hey, what about taking Your name in vain? Oh, we’ve already got that. What about, what about, ummm…
LYG: Well, what about unsanctioned shagging? Can’t have people having it off willy-nilly, they’d never get anything done. Much less have time to worship me. Hey, can I have my own day, too?
Mo: Certainly, and we’ll make it a sin to talk about those other bastards in your presence, too.
LYG: Oh, goody. What about coveting? There’s plenty of good meat there, I mean, just look at all those asses and oxen, not to mention wives. We’ll get most of the buggers on that one alone!
Mo: Do you want one commandment for each covet?
LYG: No, we haven’t got that much stone. Just bung ’em all in together. Hmmm. Asses, oxen, cash, wives, houses…What about todgers?
Mo: Are we still on coveting, here?
LYG: Yes, you know, I’ve seen you blokes in the river bathing. I am omniscient after all. I know you’re all secretly measuring each other up and comparing.
Mo: Look, Lordy, I don’t think it’s going to add to the gravity of the thing if I come marching down this mountain trailing sparks from my beard only to announce a total ban on willie-coveting. I mean, you might as well just cut all the bloody things off and be done with it!
LYG: Hmmm, and then you’d be no better than women. Okay, no willie-coveting. How about “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s hydrocarbons”?
Mo: Now you’re just being silly.
There were originally 15 commandments, don’t you know.
God damn it, they invented the ‘shorter’ concept for a reason. This is like being force-fed dog food.
1. “I am the Lord, Thy God” (Repugs: Bush is God!)
2. You shall not recognize the Gods of Others in My Presence. (I’m stumped)
3. … shall not take the Lords name in vain (Bush swearing on the bible to protect the Constution)
4. Remember the Sabbath (Bush never goes to church on Sunday)
5. Honor your Father & Mother (Bush has BIG TIME Daddy and Mommy problems)
6. You shall not kill. (How many has Bush killed?)
7. Shall not commit adultery. (Ha! Its a Republican national pastime)
8. Shall not steal (Except money from American tax-payers)
9. No false witness (Never were any WMD’s)
10. Shall not covet (We want OIL, OIL OIL!
Duros62:
Zarathustra?
A nice cream gravy from the goat’s mother’s milk may be prepared separately, and added immediately before serving. Bon appetit!
It is also worth noting that, according to a reputable source, oral sex is not mentioned in either the Bible or the Koran.
I love that Arthur Hugh Clough poem! Don’t forget the best part:
No graven images shall be
Worshipped, except the currency.
Straight or gay, who is this Invisible Sky Fairy fucking?
Me.
But I’m just using him to get to the Pope.
[…] Wed 28 Feb 2007 Sadly, No! Posted by John O under Political All right, it is for sure inside-blogging stuff, but you may in fact have heard of some of the fucking morons the good folks at SN! tend to razz. […]
The most obvious reason Liberals hate the Ten Commandments has yet to mentioned: They are all anti-semites, bent on the destruction of Israel.
The fact that any mention of this obvious truth has been edited out of the article and all the comments is quite disturbing.
Ah, so that’s how Trex got that cushy gig over at Firedoglake.
It’s ALWAYS who you know.
“The overwhelming majority of Americans instinctively accept the Commandments as a timeless, cherished summary of universal moral precepts”
Legitimate poll results? Legitimate poll results?! We don’t need no stinkin’ legitimate poll results!!
M. Medved has serious psychological issues. ‘Nuff said.
Psycho killer, c’est que say.
Wow.
In one of my favortie books ever, one of the protaginists says, “Whomever doesn’t covet thy neighbor’s wife is hormonally challenged,” or somenthing to that effect.
M. Medved needs to suck some dick and get it over with.
Ah, so that’s how Trex got that cushy gig over at Firedoglake.
It’s ALWAYS who you know.
Well, now that God’s apparently out of the closet, he’s reveling in the newfound freedom and, well, acting out a bit. Which is to be expected really – it’d been 2,000 years since he had that last fling with Mary, which resulted in her getting knocked up, and then sheesh, he had to act all nice to that smartass Jesus kid. Even when the kid got all up in his grill about the whole “hey, let’s roast our neighbors and take their stuff” theme that he’d been working on for a couple few millennia.
But if TRex is trying to get to Pope Benny, I fear for the tender lad. Dude, in a cagematch between the snarky 30-ft. sauropod and the scariest freakin Catholic religious fanatic to come along since Torquemada, I think Jurassic Boy would get carved up by, hell, I dunno, laser beams coming out of Benny’s cold, cold eyes.
This is the funniest thread here in a long while – something about the patent absurdity of a blowhard religious wackjob brings out the best “Life of Brian” snarkery of the congregation here.
Buggeryfuck!
We need the full thing:
Thou shalt have one God only; who
Would be at the expense of two?
No graven images may be
Worshipp’d, except the currency:
Swear not at all; for, for thy curse
Thine enemy is none the worse:
At church on Sunday to attend
Will serve to keep the world thy friend:
Honour thy parents; that is, all
From whom advancement may befall:
Thou shalt not kill; but need’st not strive
Officiously to keep alive:
Do not adultery commit;
Advantage rarely comes of it:
Thou shalt not steal; an empty feat,
When it’s so lucrative to cheat:
Bear not false witness; let the lie
Have time on its own wings to fly:
Thou shalt not covet; but tradition
Approves all forms of competition.
“Thou shalt not kill; but need’st not strive
Officiously to keep alive” seems particularly pertinent.
Clough was of course a “liberal” – “Like so many other Victorian writers who began as Evangelicals, Clough, an epitome of the sincere Victorian who abandoned orthodox religion, renounced his childhood beliefs. As an Oxford undergraduate between 1837 and 1841, he experienced the very height of the Tractarian controversy at first hand. John Henry Newman’s insistence on dogma and the authority of the Church diametrically opposed Dr. Arnold’s Broad Christianity, and Clough was pulled both ways. The insistent seriousness he had learned under Arnold left him no room for intellectual evasion, or even for the vaguely Christian stoicism which his good friend Matthew Arnold eventually achieved. In 1848 he realized that to continue his Oriel Fellowship beyond the next year he would have to be ordained in the Church of England and would have to sign the Thirty-Nine Articles. Since he could not do so in good conscience, he resigned his Fellowship. Radical in his politics as well as religion, he went to France in support of the revolution of 1848 and then to Italy the following year to participate in Mazzini’s republic, getting trapped in Rome when it fell to the French, an experience celebrated in Amours de Voyage”
By the way “buggeryfuck� is now my new favorite word.
In the tables of Australian export industries, new obscenities are somewhere up in the top five.
Medved’s really upset about this not because of his conservatism, but because he’s an old film buff.
“One legacy of the movie [1956’s The Ten Commandments] are scores of public displays or monuments of the Ten Commandments that DeMille paid to be erected around the country as a publicity stunt. Known as decalogues, the displays were set up by the group Fraternal Order of Eagles, sometimes in or near government buildings. Several have been involved in court battles over whether their presence is said to violate the First Amendment to the United States Constitution’s Establishment Clause.”
I am thy Director Cecil B. DeMille! Thou shalt have no false directors before me!
Isn’t the entire capitalist system based on coveting? You see something that you want, so you earn money and buy one of your own. Once you get past the basics of food, clothing, shelter, and medicine aren’t most transactions based off of “I want this” rather than “I need this”?
Once you get rid of coveting, you would have a system where all people work to ensure that everyone has enough of the basics. If no one wants goods for themselves, then all labor can be focused for the betterment of the entire community. You’d probably call it communityism, or something very much like that
(BTW: can I confess that I actually do like Medved’s bad movie books? I have a fascination with cinematic disasters, and the Golden Turkey books show these in all their glory
Every so often he slips and his odious opinions leak through, but it only happens rarely. Fortunately, I managed to score the copies that I had as used books, so I ended up not paying him a dime)
I like what George Carlin had to say about the “coveting” commandmant:
“Coveting drives the economy. Leave it alone.”
I’ll cite translations from the original Hebrew in the excellent Stone Edition of the Biblical text…
I was wondering why the quoted scripture was so fucked up. The Stone Edition is most famous for coming up with a translation of The Song of Solomon that expurgiated all the sexy stuff.
And it is NOT a literal translation from the Hebrew but, rather, based on – largely medieval – Rabbinical tradition.
Isn’t that bearing false witness? Or is ignorance an excuse when you stand before the Sky Pilot?
The “Thou shalt not kill” thing is better translated as “Thou shalt not commit murder”. That way it leaves lots of wiggle room.
Capital punishment? Cool! Vendetta? Good to go! Killing your teenager for back-talking? It’s all the rage!
Plus, if god tells you to go commit genocide, why, fire up those ovens, boys! Those Amalachites are toast!
The Bible: A Young Person’s Guide to Moral Relativism
Scorcese’s God:
I want them DEAD!
I want their families DEAD!
I want their fields sown with SALT!
If Medved’s Jewish, why would he shy away from the Hebrew version? – islmfaoscist
Actually, I seem to remember something about the prohibition of idolatry in the Hebrew version as well. So what would that say about all those idolatrous 10 commandments monuments that Medved’s defending?
And anyway, if Medved were really a good Jew, he’d know that it’s really the “10 Sayings” … we Jews are obligated to follow 613 commandments! Non-Jews ought to, according to Jewish thought, follow 7 categories of commandments.
For Herr Dokter Bimmler – here’s a collection of Australian political obsecinities from our previous PM (and personal favourite politician) Paul Keating.
He is sadly missed!
On Liberal and Opposition Leader, John Howard now Prime Minister:
“What we have got is a dead carcass, swinging in the breeze, but nobody will cut it down to replace him.”
“He’s wound up like a thousand day clock…”
“…the brain-damaged Leader of the Opposition…”
“He is the greatest job and investment destroyer since the bubonic plague.”
“But I will never get to the stage of wanting to lead the nation standing in front of the mirror each morning clipping the eyebrows here and clipping the eyebrows there with Janette and the kids: It’s like ‘Spot the eyebrows’.”
“I am not like the Leader of the Opposition. I did not slither out of the Cabinet room like a mangy maggot…”
On Mike Codd:
“Codd will be lucky to get a job cleaning shithouses if I ever become Prime Minister.”
On Former Labour politician, Jim McClelland (over the phone):
“That you Jim? Paul Keating here. Just because you swallowed a f***ing dictionary when you were about 15 doesn’t give you the right to pour a bucket of shit over the rest of us.”
On former Liberal Party Leader and Shadow Treasurer (and partner to Shirley McLaine), Andrew Peacock:
“…what we have here is an intellectual rust bucket.”
“He, as Foreign Minister, was swanning around the United States of America with Shirley MacLaine or trying to crash one of Ted Kennedy’s parties…and he was trying to play statesman…while he swanned around, and then he made a cowardly attack upon the former Prime Minister before slinking back into his cabinet.”
“…if this gutless spiv, and I refer to him as a gutless spiv…”
“I suppose that the Honourable Gentleman’s hair, like his intellect, will recede into the darkness.”
“You’ve been in the dye pot again, Andrew.”
“The Leader of the Opposition is more to be pitied than despised, the poor old thing.”
“We’re not interested in the views of painted, perfumed gigolos.”
“It is the first time the Honourable Gentleman has got out from under the sunlamp.”
On former Labor Prime Minister, Bob Hawke:
“Now listen mate,” [to John Browne, Minister of Sport, who was proposing a 110 per cent tax deduction for contributions to a Sports Foundation] “you’re not getting 110 per cent. You can forget it. This is a fucking Boulevard Hotel special, this is. The trouble is we are dealing with a sports junkie here [gesturing towards Bob Hawke]. I go out for a piss and they pull this one on me. Well that’s the last time I leave you two alone. From now on, I’m sticking to you two like shit to a blanket.”
“The overwhelming majority of Americans instinctively accept the Commandments as a timeless, cherished summary of universal moral precepts.”
I thought “instinct” was one of those terrible animal things that detract from the utter purity of soul these guys are always blabbing about. And “universal” moral precepts, as far as I know, don’t include the idea that only Jehovah is God — at least, not for the billion or so Chinese, Hindus, etc., out there in the big world. But since they ain’t Murkans maybe it doesn’t count.
Ahhh, the magnificent Paul Keating. We still mourn his passing from the job. He was intelligent, incisive, and never at a loss for words.
But my favourite bit of political commentary is still that marvellous phrase from Mighty Mark Latham, bless his belligerent soul. For non-Australian readers, Latham was leader of the Opposition for a brief spell, and campaigned against the execrable John Howard in a recent election.
Latham’s comment, on observing the toadying and fawning of the government ministers upon the Bush administration, was that they were “a conga line of suckholes”.
No-one can say Australia has never presented any great poets.
“The overwhelming majority of Americans instinctively accept the Commandments as a timeless, cherished summary of universal moral precepts.�
Any of the 10 commandments that anyone accepts ‘instinctively’ are those which resemble moral precepts that actually did evolve naturally, such as the Golden Rule (do unto others…).
Thou shalt not kill? We have instinctive mechanism which usually prevent us from murdering people with wanton abandon. Usually.
Thou shalt not steal? Honor thy parents? See the Golden Rule.
But to think that people instinctively want to have no god before the Judeo-Christian God (is god saying that other gods exist, here?) or keep the Sabbath day holy is just ludicrous. Not all commandments are created equal.
Spouse?
Dude, unlike Brad, some of us do *not* live in MA.
Or even NJ and those other “civil union” states (what do ya call your “spouse” when you’ve been “civilly unionized?” – your “teamster?”).
Yeah, gee… that’d be nice.
I hadn’t heard about that Walter Williams piece. He equates “taxes” with “theft”? Aw, jeez, not more of that “it’s my money” crap.
Walter, old boy, I have some hard news for you, and I know it will shake you a great deal, but it must be said: There is no Asphalt Fairy.
On another note, the “graven image” Commandment came to mind when reading about the mom that sent the kid to Halloween dressed as Jesus. I do believe she broke ol’ #2 sending junior as Junior.