Feb
7
7
You Are Jesse Malkin
See, it’s funny. If you turn the sound all the way up and go stand nervously in the kitchen, it’s almost like a typical evening around the Malkin house.
…Except she isn’t yelling about how you put the keys on the other counter purely to spite her, and so forth.
Col. Klink said,
February 7, 2007 at 18:50
Someone really needs to get back on their meds. I knew the fall of BushCo. would be ugly, but let’s have some dignity people.
d said,
February 7, 2007 at 18:51
Why is mommy screaming and hitting daddy?
Jas said,
February 7, 2007 at 18:55
That’s the last time I trust you, Gavin M, if that is your real name. You said it was funny, and I believed you, and never, ever again.
I really was hoping that it was a well-done parody of life in the Malkin household. Not “reality TV”, as it were…
El Cid said,
February 7, 2007 at 18:57
Again, she doesn’t realize the material just doesn’t play to her act. Sure, I can see why there are some key words or phrases which will seem just crazy to ultra right wingers, but it’s just not the nutty stuff which the over-the-top high school drama fit would seem to be looking for.
I just picked up a box of Rice-a-Roni and read the stove-top cooking instructions with as much simulated panic, hysteria, and satirical pompousness I could muster.
Try it with other texts — sports reporting, bible verses, what have you.
It all sounds pretty much like this video.
I could probably find her some material more to this skit’s style, but I won’t, and I really don’t get why this one blogger became the focus of this SNL-reject rage.
Benny Hill said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:06
Is she auditioning for The Roseanne Barr Story?
Eric B. said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:07
I thought, at first, this was a clever video parodying Michelle Malkin.
Sadly, no.
As someone once said of a local columnist, “It’s like watching someone’s brain melt.”
Dave said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:11
Oy vay, where are those keys? Give them to her before my eyeballs explode.
Martin Wisse said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:14
All this work, all this “humour” and nobody but the usual wingnut idiots and the people making fun of them will ever care about this.
MrWonderful said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:14
Yes, well, we’re very sorry you feel that way, but we just wanted a simple block of flats.
(I always say that.)
Also: See, Michele, the fact that you rant and rave “like the angry German boy” doesn’t make the text similar to the things the angry German boy said. It makes YOU resemble the angry German boy.
As usual, you (and your director/editor) confirm everyone’s analysis, that right wing “nuts” such as yourself have no understanding of parody, satire, or humor. Or, rather, you have a child’s understanding of it. Ever hear a three-year old tell a joke?
THREE YEAR OLD: Knock knock!
YOU: Who’s there?
THREE YEAR OLD: Banana.
YOU: Banana who?
THREE YEAR OLD: Banana split!
YOU: (laughs politely)
They love the form of the joke but they don’t (yet) understand the content. But eventually they do! And maybe you will, too!
Good job!
les said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:16
“Performed” by Michelle Malkin? What language is this in, again?
Spokane Moderate said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:21
Sadly, No! and your crazy Malkin videos, why can’t I quit you?
steve_e said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:26
Oh boy. This is not working. Malkin’s recent commentaries are making her look more foolish than she realizes. Her hounds will lick the food off her plate, but she looks like a lunatic to everyone else. Her latest line of attack merely highlights her instability.
At least I get some mild enjoyment from seeing a hateful person film their mental breakdown.
Alek Hidell said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:28
All this work, all this “humour� and nobody but the usual wingnut idiots and the people making fun of them will ever care about this.
Exactly. The thing I love most about hard-core wingnuts is that they always seem to expect that once the American people learn about the latest “outrage,” they’re going to rise up and angrily reject liberalism once and for all. It’s especially amusing when it’s as completely inside-baseball as this particular thing is.
Max Power said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:34
No, this is a three year old telling a knock knock joke.
THREE YEAR OLD: (tugging your pants leg) Oh, Oh, Daddy, knock knock! Daaad, knock knock! Knock knock! Daaaddy oh oh knock knock!
YOU: Who’s there?
THREE YEAR OLD: …ummmmmm….
bobbo said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:35
I think Eric B has hit upon a plan! Someone needs to do a parody of Malkin doing a parody of Amanda. Oh, it would be meta-meta, and post-post modern.
I’m waiting . . . .
The Liberal Avenger said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:36
…and then Jesse poured himself the strongest Captain and Coke suburban Maryland has ever seen and drank the whole thing quietly in one big gulp.
Sweet alcohol dulls the pain.
Melba said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:40
FYI, the site is not looking good. Images aren’t loading. Another attack?
The Liberal Avenger said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:41
Yeah – I got a “503 Service Unavailable error” a few moments ago.
MrWonderful said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:46
Max Power–
True–but that’s the *other* three-year-old. The one I knew told it the first way. There may be even more out there.
Lawnguylander said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:52
If I put something as insane and embarassing as that on the internet I would find myself the guest of honor at an emergency intervention courtesy of my family and friends. It’s sad for the female Anne Coulter that she doesn’t have that kind of support in life. She’s steadily upping the crazy as she slides into irrelevance.
Melba said,
February 7, 2007 at 19:54
Site looks normal now!
Seitz said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:12
So is Michelle trying to compare herself to the German kid? Because if forced to choose, I’d have to say the German kid is far more sane. I thought she was much better this time, mostly because she didn’t really have to try to “act”.
Max Power said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:18
Michelle Malkin telling a knock knock joke
MALKIN: Knock knock.
YOU: Who’s there?
MALKIN: Osama.
YOU: Osama who?
MALKIN: Liberals are secretly fascists.
salty said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:24
I wonder how many of those video’s views are from Sadly, No! readers.
Marco said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:24
No one needs to do a parody of Malkin doing anything. She’s a parody unto herself.
kingubu said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:27
Mr. Wonderful: Also: See, Michele, the fact that you rant and rave “like the angry German boy� doesn’t make the text similar to the things the angry German boy said. It makes YOU resemble the angry German boy.
A-yup.
On a related note: I just went and read the back of a cerel box in a wholly unconvincing Truman Capote voice which irrefutably proves that Tony The Tiger is Teh Gay.
Joe in SF said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:35
Email to MM:
—————————–
Hi Michelle
I saw both your Pandagon-related videos. The first attempt at acting was truly sophmoric, petulant, and utterly unbelievable.
However, your rage bit in the 2nd video was actually quite impressive. Stanislavski might note that your body’s experience and “muscle memory” has much more practical experience with word-spewing, mindless shrieking than intelligent discourse.
Principal Blackman said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:38
…and then Jesse poured himself the strongest Captain and Coke suburban Maryland has ever seen and drank the whole thing quietly in one big gulp.
Sweet alcohol dulls the pain.
Jesse: “Delicious bourbon. Brownest of the brown liquors. What’s that? You want me to drink you? But my wife’s in the middle of going crazy in what she assures me is a hard-hitting expose of how much the left hates America!”
Thers said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:38
All this work, all this “humour� and nobody but the usual wingnut idiots and the people making fun of them will ever care about this.
Unfortunately, the New York Times has a story up… and our society just became stupider.
cokane said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:42
“Someone really needs to get back on their meds. I knew the fall of BushCo. would be ugly, but let’s have some dignity people.”
LOL i love it
Legalize said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:42
I feel bad for her kids – really bad.
cs said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:42
This would actually be less funny if it weren’t part of a semi-coordinated smear campaign – rick moron, bill donohue, malkin… but, i mean, consider: this is actually the best they can come up with working as a group.
But this looks eerily like that old Daily Show segment where they’d have third graders reading transcripts of Fox News talk shows – that is, at their most serious they come close to approximating a pre-existing parody of them at their most serious. That’s funny.
gandhi said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:50
I think Eric B has hit upon a plan! Someone needs to do a parody of Malkin doing a parody of Amanda. Oh, it would be meta-meta, and post-post modern.
Possible sample texts: the sermon on the mount; the gettysburg address; ‘i have a dream’; ‘nothing to fear but fear itself’; ‘ask not what you can do for your country’.
Why does Malkin keep embarassing herself like this? God, I’d die…
tb said,
February 7, 2007 at 20:55
It was a big hit at tard central:
There were a couple of marriage proposals in there as well. I think the bleeped pornstar ‘fucks’ and the sight of Michelle’s frame shaking pre-orgasmically with rage, uh, arouse them.
billy pilgrim said,
February 7, 2007 at 21:20
tb-
That is very disturbing. If they truly think that was Oscar material, you can see why conservatives are universally unsuccessful in the creative fields.
I swear, I feel like Michelle’s next step is going to be to put on a diaper, buy a bb gun, and drive 900 miles looking for Amanda….
Innocent Bystander said,
February 7, 2007 at 21:26
Michelle-
Maybe you could do a parody about the Left being outraged about the missing $8.8BB in cash? Or the Republican’s refusal to debate the escalation of war in Iraq? Or Cheney’s outing of a CIA NOC? Or the wasteland in New Orleans? Or the politicization of US Distruct Attorney’s?
You could probably make this a weekly feature…..because it’s all one big joke, right?
Duros62 said,
February 7, 2007 at 21:49
Malkin: Knock knock.
ME: Who’s there?
Malkin: Michael Moore is fat.
yeah, I stole that joke. What of it?
Scott from Baltimore said,
February 7, 2007 at 21:52
Yipes.
This reminds me of things improv groups would do in high school, only not funny. Not funny because there’s nothing crazy about the text.
I say yipes because, it also reminds me of high school because a significant number of people DO find it funny. Enough that I feel outnumbered, despite my assumption that I am smarter than they are.
Remember, lots of people voted for Bush because they wanted to. Lots of people listen to Mark Levin and Michael Savage because they agree and find what they say pertinent, insightful, and funny.
Malkin may look stupid to us, but too many people think she’s great. Many people think Amanda Marcotte is hysterical in the Freudian sense.
These people vote.
Yipes.
CarolSoprano said,
February 7, 2007 at 22:07
I read SN! religiously but have never commented (or at least I don’t think I have). I have to say that, hands down, the commenters here (not to mention Gavin, Brad and the rest of the SN! crew) are the funniest people in the blogosphere. I come here when I’m down and I KNOW I will cheer up. You folks are the best!!!!!
Michelle is pathetic – I have a few people in my family (all conservatards) that act almost the same way and it’s bewildering. I think they are all genetically wired with no sense of humor … one could probably get a research grant to find out!
tb said,
February 7, 2007 at 22:17
They just like having their lizard-brains stimulated by her screaming. These people never had punk bands, remember. I’m curious to see how this naked-titallation approach plays out, now that she has failed utterly at trying to be a “serious” pundit/journalist.
a different brad said,
February 7, 2007 at 22:30
I still think the proper response is for Amanda to read some of Michelle’s craziest work, which is to say any, and insert a huge, huge volume of vulgarity into it.
All with a calm, cool demeanor, in front of a church altar.
Spokane Moderate said,
February 7, 2007 at 22:49
Also: See, Michele, the fact that you rant and rave “like the angry German boy� doesn’t make the text similar to the things the angry German boy said. It makes YOU resemble the angry German boy.
That’s exactly it.
Also, by shrieking Amanda’s writing and considering that a joke, Malkin is admitting that Amanda’s posts are not inherently hysterical; Malkin has to add hysteria to make the posts sound ridiculous. And who better to add hysteria than the slattern?
Turd Ferguson said,
February 7, 2007 at 22:54
Q. How many Michelle Malkins does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Why do you hate America?
davis said,
February 7, 2007 at 23:00
So she’s attemptig to make Amanda look unhinged. Good job, Michelle. You’re not unhinged at all. I never would think such a thing. Really. (backs slowly away toward the door.)
Karen Schell said,
February 7, 2007 at 23:32
And SadlyNo yet again embarrasses itself.After its support and encouragement of convicted psycho Deb Frish, SadlyNo tries it again with lunatics like Marcotte!
Kevin Hayden said,
February 7, 2007 at 23:38
C’mon, that can’t be Malkin. This actress has tits. And seems sane, by comparison.
wordyeti said,
February 7, 2007 at 23:42
>>the female Ann Coulter
Tommy Lee said,
February 7, 2007 at 23:43
You mean big tits and sanity are correlated? I miss my Einstein!
prozacula said,
February 7, 2007 at 23:52
shut up Karen.
How is Marcotte, a great writer who has ‘threatened’ nobody, in any way like Frisch?
Perhaps you should learn how to spell, right after you polish those critical thinking skills.
jenniebee said,
February 8, 2007 at 0:07
I think Eric B has hit upon a plan! Someone needs to do a parody of Malkin doing a parody of Amanda. Oh, it would be meta-meta, and post-post modern.
If the parody of Michelle used excerpts of Alexander Pope’s Dunciad, would it officially hit meta-meta-meta status? Or is that still just meta-meta? What if it was excerpts of Shakespeare, and the CENSORED bleep was used for everything that Bowlder cut out? Or, just for shits and giggles, it could use the text of the Jubilate Agno, whose author really was completely off his rocker insane.
And if all those get to meta-meta-meta, where would Ginsberg’s Howl put us?
Just asking.
wordyeti said,
February 8, 2007 at 0:08
Dammit! Comments getting snarfed up again!
Probably due to my use of the quote tags. Hope I didn’t bork the site … well, anymore than it is usually borked.
tigrismus said,
February 8, 2007 at 0:12
Karen Schell embarrasses herself yet again by insisting anyone here ever supported Deb Frisch. And equating Marcotte with Frisch is disgusting. Fuck off, you brainless twit.
grampaw said,
February 8, 2007 at 0:20
Kevin Hayden, I hate you.
Because of you, I watched the whole thing, looking for teh boobies, and NO BOOBIES DAMN YOU.
I turned the sound off, of course. I’m not suicidal.
Oh, and I feel really weird about this, but I really want to see Dinosaur The Editors read Selected Malkin now.
Kevin Hayden said,
February 8, 2007 at 0:49
Grampaw, when the Utube reaches 25 seconds left, she raises her arms…. granted, they may be all-cotton & underwire, but it’s the first time I ever realized Malkin was trying to present herself as a woman instead of a gender-neutral billyclub used by Cheney for his anal-borgasms.
El Cid said,
February 8, 2007 at 1:03
Well, you’re not gonna like this. Neither do I.
Malkin won. Their complaints and Catholic League fascist Donahue and even Hot Air Theater got Edwards to back down and fire Marcotte & co., if reports are to be believed.
Guess Edwards still thinks that caving in to lunatic right wing bigots somehow is going to help him get the far right vote.
http://www.salon.com/politics/war_room/2007/02/07/edwards_bloggers/index.html
Mr. JingleJangle said,
February 8, 2007 at 1:07
If that was really the worst they could pull out of Amanda’s writings… wow. Amanda must… be… stopped? I dunno, I’m going to get a burger.
Max Power said,
February 8, 2007 at 1:07
Don’t cave so quickly, El Cid. You’ll be mistaken for Karen.
owlbear1 said,
February 8, 2007 at 1:28
I just watched that. The whole time I thought it was an actress portraying Michelle. Reading the comments, I have been enlightened. In this enlightend state I ponder viewing the video again.
You see,…
As an actress portraying Michelle I thought there were some funny bits. I also found parts of it way over the top and the “actress” had pushed it too hard.
Except now I know its not an actress.
Do I dare take a second look?
Because you see,…
Who hasn’t shouted at the screen?
bronco214 said,
February 8, 2007 at 1:39
Turn the sound ALL THE WAY UP? There is no way in fucking hell that I will ever even turn the sound ON when watching Ms. Rabid Shithead. It’s all I can do to make it through about a minute of just watching the Malkin vids that you’ve had here. Atlas Pam gets the same treatment.
I’m just glad that we have S’N to watch so we can only if we choose to.
owlbear1 said,
February 8, 2007 at 3:12
Now that I know that is not a person pretending how Michelle acts when she is angry but is actually Michelle projecting how she thinks angry people act, I find her a pathetic thing.
Why are her loved ones allowing her to humiliate herself like this?
Spokane Moderate said,
February 8, 2007 at 4:45
Why are her loved ones allowing her to humiliate herself like this?
What makes you think anyone loves her?
billy pilgrim said,
February 8, 2007 at 5:04
Michelle is a one speed lawnmower; it’s all full-speed, total rage all the time, or off.
You can see how she can’t grasp the range of emotional responses represented in Amanda’s writing. She just automatically figures that it must match her own.
billy pilgrim said,
February 8, 2007 at 5:05
Actually, I made it through 2 minutes of that.
owlbear1 said,
February 8, 2007 at 5:22
Ok fine then.
Why is her camera operator allowing her to humiliate herself like that?
Mo's Bike Shop said,
February 8, 2007 at 6:27
Did something happen in Iraq?o
a different brad said,
February 8, 2007 at 8:06
I’d really love it if she read some Rude Pundit posts. Yet another reason to draft George Carlin for pres in 08. Rude Pundit as official blogger.
Samantha Pepys said,
February 8, 2007 at 9:14
“Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City ‘Sailor wanna hump-hump’ bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.”
merlallen said,
February 8, 2007 at 13:27
Female Ann Coulter. hahaha.
GoatBoy said,
February 8, 2007 at 18:35
What’s the difference between Santa Claus, Jamil Hussein and firebombed mosques?
Santa Claus doesn’t exist.
Karl Rove II said,
February 9, 2007 at 2:31
“but it’s the first time I ever realized Malkin was trying to present herself as a woman instead of a gender-neutral billyclub used by Cheney for his anal-borgasms.”
That was f***ing sweet…
(I self edited as to not offend certain sensible, sensative individuals who might visit)
Karl Rove II said,
February 9, 2007 at 2:34
(I really need to use preview)
‘sensitive’
Carly Corday said,
February 27, 2008 at 20:18
I realize a year has gone by….but…what WAS that?
Michelle Malkin likes Edwards, does she? And considers beelzebush a Nazi? And she’s a soldier in the fight for the right to partay without having to get pregnant every time? NEWS to ME!
At the Museum of What Possible Sense Does This Make to Anyone On Planet Earth, the above video is surely the most PROMINENT display as you walk in the door.
(What I’m looking for is a clue as to why there are no photos ANYWHERE of Jesse Malkin…whose head once exploded over a college newspaper photographer’s attempting to snap his pic for a yearbook…and that SOMEHOW led me here.)
Carly Corday said,
February 27, 2008 at 20:20
But the website itself IS aptly named:
“Sadly, no.”