…

Oh, and by the way, running to a thesaurus doesn’t impress me when the words you dredge from the thesaurus show that you don’t understand them. For instance, “adscititious” is a very specific term meaning something which is “derived or acquired from something exstrinsic”. It does not mean “irrelevant” or whatever synonym of that word you looked up in your thesaurus to yield this one.

(And it’s Pyrrhic.)

Also, may I suggest we continue this via email exchange and not hog up the comments section with a prolix argument that really doesn’t relate to the posted thread?

It seems even you can’t keep up with your perfectionistic, anal retentive expectations regarding attention to detail. I won’t hold it against you. I’ve always put passion above precision.

TS: Transparent jealousy? For me to be jealous of you, wouldn’t I have to have some desire to pursue the same or a similar career? Can you tell me where your musical interests, which tend toward strumming over easy open chords and singing out of tune, have to do with mine?

BLT: You are the best judge of what the basis of your jealousy is. I sense the jealousy, but for the life of me, I can’t determine why you are jealous or what you are jealous over. You are also obsessed with my music, and this raisese the hypothesis that you experience some sort of guilty pleasure, at the very least, as it pertains to my music.

I said: Take another look at the logo, and then take a look at USA Today’s logo. It is identical.

TS: To steal a phrase from our gracious hosts: Sadly, No!

It’s a clear parody of the USA Today logo, but unlike the USA Today logo, it says “Living with War Today�, which is not just words but also part of the logo, and while USA Today only has one view of the globe, the Living with War Today logo has a view of the obverse side. Let’s face it: a person would have to be an idiot or willfully lying to claim that this list comes from USA Today.

BLT: An idiot of a liar? You are clearly not one of my fans. As I mentioned, my fans have high IQs. To come up with this dichotomous choice, and to offer no more than two alternatives is indicative of a mind that is either lethargic or severly lacking in creativity (there’s a joke in there somewhere, let’s see if you can get it). Your research seems every bit as sloppy as mine, perhaps more sloppy, and you really haven’t proven me wrong in my assumption.

BLT: Are you accusing Neil Young and his peeps of brazenly steeling the patended USA Today logo?

TS: No, because it isn’t the USA Today logo (which can be distinguished by the surprising words “USA Today� being part of the logo).

BLT: Perhaps you, Shandy, simply cannot read the patended logo.

TS: You mean patented logo? Even if the spelling weren’t off (and by the way, it’s “stealing�), you don’t patent logos. Patents are for technological ideas, processes, and inventions. You trademark and/or copyright a logo.

BLT: You’[ve exposed my sloppy use of legal terminology, but it’s a pointing out adscititious minutia is a Pyrric victory. It’s simply an anal retentive diversion that does nothing to strengthen your main argument.

I said: Once again, it is what it is. Looked at another way, my rise to the top of this chart may be more important than a rise to the top of Billboard.

TS: It could be, but it isn’t.

BLT: That’s your opinion, based on your values.

BLT: It is a very popular station and one considered extremely “hip� among members of the cognoscente.

TS: Cognoscenti.

It’s no wonder you apparently haven’t discovered it

BLT: Another adscititious diversion that does nothing to strengthen your argument.

TS: Right. I tell you it’s a freeform station, and that means I haven’t heard about it all. It’s a good thing you can leap to such conclusions, otherwise you’d fall into the holes in your logic.

BLT: Freeform stations are not for the ambiguity intolerant. I wouldn’t expect you to know about it.

I said: Just kidding. I have no right to judge the degree to which your hip based on this one indicator.

TS: What about my hip?

BLT: I’d suggest a “hip” replacement surgery.

I said: Moreover, my songs have aired nation-wide, thanks to a nationally syndicated broadcast, one has been featured on NPR’s internet open mic show and several others have aired on those traditional types of radio stations that you seem more comfortable with.

TS: Oh, an open mic show. I’m overwhelmed. The next time I go to a poetry slam, I’ll be sure to drink in the fact of being surrounded by so many high achievers in the field–veritable poet laureates!.

BLT: I never expect somebody who consistently underestimates me to be overwhelmed. No surprise there. No surprise at the bitter sarcasm either. A conspicuously transparent sign of sour grapes and jealousy.

TS: Furthermore, I hardly listen to the radio except for news.

BLT: I’ve noticed.

I said: I’m sorry, but you lost me on that line.

TS: Are you saying you’ve neither heard of Nixon’s “great silent majority� phrase, or the fact that he resigned the office under a cloud with several potential indictments hanging over his head?

BLT: You’re aging yourself again, but yes, I’m familiar with Watergate. It’s also referenced in the other Neil Young answer song, Sweet Home Alabama.

“…why it isn’t as good as it is…�? Interesting choice of words, Shanty.

I said, You haven’t dug deep enough into the treasure,

TS: You consider your music a “treasure�? *guffaws*

It is dear to me. It is dear to others. One person’s junk is another person’s treasure. It’s your loss if all you focus on is the negative.

I said: ….haven’t had enough to drink,

TS: Perhaps your problem is that you don’t feel called upon to write music which sounds good even to teetotallers. I’d suggest getting into a twelve-step program so that you can see what your music sounds like to a sober person. Sobriety might improve your music-making.

BLT: I believe 12-step programs are very limited, but if you’re into 12-step programs, I’d suggest one that deals with your addiction to my music.

I said….and haven’t bothered to listen to the many songs of mine that other artists have covered.

TS: The only way your music, as it is, would be good covered is if it were covered by a slab of concrete.

BLT: Even if it were covered in a mile of concrete, one day, you would figure out what all the buzz is about, regret your poor taste in music, and you would dig up every inch of concrete just to get to my music.

Transparent jealousy? For me to be jealous of you, wouldn’t I have to have some desire to pursue the same or a similar career? Can you tell me where your musical interests, which tend toward strumming over easy open chords and singing out of tune, have to do with mine?

Take another look at the logo, and then take a look at USA Today’s logo. It is identical.

To steal a phrase from our gracious hosts: Sadly, No!

It’s a clear parody of the USA Today logo, but unlike the USA Today logo, it says “Living with War Today”, which is not just words but also part of the logo, and while USA Today only has one view of the globe, the Living with War Today logo has a view of the obverse side. Let’s face it: a person would have to be an idiot or willfully lying to claim that this list comes from USA Today.

Are you accusing Neil Young and his peeps of brazenly steeling the patended USA Today logo?

No, because it isn’t the USA Today logo (which can be distinguished by the surprising words “USA Today” being part of the logo).

Perhaps you, Shandy, simply cannot read the patended logo.

You mean patented logo? Even if the spelling weren’t off (and by the way, it’s “stealing”), you don’t patent logos. Patents are for technological ideas, processes, and inventions. You trademark and/or copyright a logo.

Once again, it is what it is. Looked at another way, my rise to the top of this chart may be more important than a rise to the top of Billboard.

It could be, but it isn’t.

It is a very popular station and one considered extremely “hip� among members of the cognoscente.

Cognoscenti.

It’s no wonder you apparently haven’t discovered it

Right. I tell you it’s a freeform station, and that means I haven’t heard about it all. It’s a good thing you can leap to such conclusions, otherwise you’d fall into the holes in your logic.

Just kidding. I have no right to judge the degree to which your hip based on this one indicator.

What about my hip?

Moreover, my songs have aired nation-wide, thanks to a nationally syndicated broadcast, one has been featured on NPR’s internet open mic show and several others have aired on those traditional types of radio stations that you seem more comfortable with.

Oh, an open mic show. I’m overwhelmed. The next time I go to a poetry slam, I’ll be sure to drink in the fact of being surrounded by so many high achievers in the field–veritable poet laureates!.

Furthermore, I hardly listen to the radio except for news.

I’m sorry, but you lost me on that line.

Are you saying you’ve neither heard of Nixon’s “great silent majority” phrase, or the fact that he resigned the office under a cloud with several potential indictments hanging over his head?

Shanty: “You discredit yourself. It wasn’t I who forced you to say that your ridiculous list came from USA Today. Nor do I hate you. In fact, I don’t know you (although from the behavior you’ve demonstrated, I doubt I’d like you if I did know you). I’m merely trying to tell you what you will minimally have to do to improve your music, and explaining why it isn’t good as it is.�

“…why it isn’t as good as it is…�? Interesting choice of words, Shanty.

Perhaps, but it’s not mine. You managed to add an extra “as” in the sentence. I said “…why it [your music] isn’t good as it is”. Since you seem to have trouble with grammar, I’ll explain: to remark that something is or isn’t X as it is means “as it exists right now.” Your music isn’t good as it exists right now. You see, it all depends on what the definition of “is” is.

By the way, a shanty is a sea-song. My nickname is Tristram Shandy, after the character by Laurence Sterne.

You haven’t dug deep enough into the treasure,

You consider your music a “treasure”? *guffaws*

haven’t had enough to drink,

Perhaps your problem is that you don’t feel called upon to write music which sounds good even to teetotallers. I’d suggest getting into a twelve-step program so that you can see what your music sounds like to a sober person. Sobriety might improve your music-making.

and haven’t bothered to listen to the many songs of mine that other artists have covered.

The only way your music, as it is, would be good covered is if it were covered by a slab of concrete.

Tristram Shandy said,

February 10, 2007 at 23:52

Me—-You’ve seem to have jumped to the conclusion that the critic who put my song at #8 on his list of the best 2006 records of 2006 has an ideological axe to grind.

Shandy——–”What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.”

Not exactly. If you are not a liberal (and you claim that you are not) then my attributing your transparent jealousy to your supposed ideological axe may have been a mistake. To confirm this, I would need to know more about your ideology and about your perceptions about mine. Furthermore, if Al Barger and I shared the same ideology, and if a review of his chart seemed to review an over-representation of artists sharing that same ideology, there would be some reason to be suspicous of his motives. Otherwise, your case is extremely weak at best.

Me—–As far as your questioning of the links I provided goes, and their origins, it seems you haven’t done your homework.

Shandy: Tell me, what sort of “homework� will transform “Living with War Today� to “USA Today�? Especially when the list you claim came from USA Today is still nowhere to be found on that newspaper’s website?

Take another look at the logo, and then take a look at USA Today’s logo. It is identical. Are you accusing Neil Young and his peeps of brazenly steeling the patended USA Today logo?

Me: I’d invite all interested or sceptical parties to explore the same links, research the history of the song’s rise on that chart and draw your own links. I’m not trying to decieve anybody,

Shandy: “Then you simply cannot read.”

Perhaps you, Shandy, simply cannot read the patended logo.

Me: …though some of you may be surprised or shocked that your whipping boy and his whipped songs have become so popular….

Shandy: “Popular according to what standard? It’s not like this is the Billboard charts, where the standard for popularity is unambiguous. Instead, every song on that list has some ideological content. And how is popularity determined? Site hits, downloads, times played over the radio, physical sales of singles in shops? At best, you were the most popular out of a very restricted set of songs (only those with political content regarding the war) and that in a vague and undefined way. I’d congratulate you on your success, but I know you have a tin ear for sarcasm, as for music.”

It is what it is. I called this #1 position combined with Barger’s placement of the song at #8 on his list of the Best Songs of 2006
“a modicum of success.” For some it may seem monumental, for others, miniscule. Once again, it is what it is. Looked at another way, my rise to the top of this chart may be more important than a rise to the top of Billboard. Billboard is a list of mostly meaningless songs about nothing. This is a list of songs that address the quintessential issues of our time.

Me: It’s hard to do, but I’d encourage you to read the writing on the wall. My voice, the one some of you would love to silence, is being broadcast on WFMU in New York City, and across the internet. Face the music.

Shandy: “So one radio station, which is a freeform station, meaning that only the DJ hi- or herself has to like your music, is playing your music and it’s on the internet. I have dozens of friends who can claim the same. So what does that portend?”

It is a very popular station and one considered extremely “hip” among members of the cognoscente. It’s no wonder you apparently haven’t discovered it :) Just kidding. I have no right to judge the degree to which your hip based on this one indicator. Moreover, my songs have aired nation-wide, thanks to a nationally syndicated broadcast, one has been featured on NPR’s internet open mic show and several others have aired on those traditional types of radio stations that you seem more comfortable with. Can I prove this? Yes, but it would involve more work than what I’m willing to do for a naysayer like you. So if you think I’m being dishonest, then so be it.

Me: Though you obviously have a much more dismal view of my music than the silent majority here, I appreciate the fact that you’ve become so interested in my songs.

Shanty: The “silent majority� thing again? You’re not Nixon, and look how he turned out.

I’m sorry, but you lost me on that line.

Shanty: “Furthermore, I’m not interested in your songs. I didn’t download anything, just listened to the samples plus the awful song you have at your main page, and haven’t been back since.”

Have you heard anything performed by Dr. BLT cover artists, like the one I posted?

Me: But the message remains clear. This bozo hates me and will say anything to try and undermine my music and discredit me.

Shanty: “You discredit yourself. It wasn’t I who forced you to say that your ridiculous list came from USA Today. Nor do I hate you. In fact, I don’t know you (although from the behavior you’ve demonstrated, I doubt I’d like you if I did know you). I’m merely trying to tell you what you will minimally have to do to improve your music, and explaining why it isn’t good as it is.”

“…why it isn’t as good as it is…”? Interesting choice of words, Shanty.

Me–But at least he is taking an interest and some day he may change his tune.

“Only when you figure out how to write tunes and sing them in tune.”

You haven’t dug deep enough into the treasure, haven’t had enough to drink, and haven’t bothered to listen to the many songs of mine that other artists have covered.

I don’t hate you either. I think I may even like you if I got to know you. You are less hateful than others who have ridiculed me and my music. You simply have underestimated me again. Have I arrived in an artistic or musical sense? Certainly not. I have lots to learn and much more distance to travel. But I would rather learn from somebody more balanced in their appraisal and more open-minded.

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

As far as your questioning of the links I provided goes, and their origins, it seems you haven’t done your homework.

Tell me, what sort of “homework” will transform “Living with War Today” to “USA Today”? Especially when the list you claim came from USA Today is still nowhere to be found on that newspaper’s website?

I’d invite all interested or sceptical parties to explore the same links, research the history of the song’s rise on that chart and draw your own links. I’m not trying to decieve anybody,

Then you simply cannot read.

though some of you may be surprised or shocked that your whipping boy and his whipped songs have become so popular.

Popular according to what standard? It’s not like this is the Billboard charts, where the standard for popularity is unambiguous. Instead, every song on that list has some ideological content. And how is popularity determined? Site hits, downloads, times played over the radio, physical sales of singles in shops? At best, you were the most popular out of a very restricted set of songs (only those with political content regarding the war) and that in a vague and undefined way. I’d congratulate you on your success, but I know you have a tin ear for sarcasm, as for music.

It’s hard to do, but I’d encourage you to read the writing on the wall. My voice, the one some of you would love to silence, is being broadcast on WFMU in New York City, and across the internet. Face the music.

So one radio station, which is a freeform station, meaning that only the DJ hi- or herself has to like your music, is playing your music and it’s on the internet. I have dozens of friends who can claim the same. So what does that portend?

Though you obviously have a much more dismal view of my music than the silent majority here, I appreciate the fact that you’ve become so interested in my songs.

The “silent majority” thing again? You’re not Nixon, and look how he turned out.

Furthermore, I’m not interested in your songs. I didn’t download anything, just listened to the samples plus the awful song you have at your main page, and haven’t been back since.

But the message remains clear. This bozo hates me and will say anything to try and undermine my music and discredit me.

You discredit yourself. It wasn’t I who forced you to say that your ridiculous list came from USA Today. Nor do I hate you. In fact, I don’t know you (although from the behavior you’ve demonstrated, I doubt I’d like you if I did know you). I’m merely trying to tell you what you will minimally have to do to improve your music, and explaining why it isn’t good as it is.

But at least he is taking an interest and some day he may change his tune.

Only when you figure out how to write tunes and sing them in tune.

When I Heard You Sing (A Tribute to the Beatles)
Alyssa Kaess
words and music by Dr BLT (c) 2006
http://www.drblt.net/music/yousing.mp3

As far as your questioning of the links I provided goes, and their origins, it seems you haven’t done your homework. I’d invite all interested or sceptical parties to explore the same links, research the history of the song’s rise on that chart and draw your own links. I’m not trying to decieve anybody, though some of you may be surprised or shocked that your whipping boy and his whipped songs have become so popular.

It’s hard to do, but I’d encourage you to read the writing on the wall. My voice, the one some of you would love to silence, is being broadcast on WFMU in New York City, and across the internet. Face the music.

Though you obviously have a much more dismal view of my music than the silent majority here, I appreciate the fact that you’ve become so interested in my songs. Once again, I wish you well on your next recital.

I’m not trying to argue with anybody. I’m merely telling you that having all the characteristics which you concede you have makes you a bad musician, and that it would be for the public good if you’d go take voice lessons and music theory lessons to work through these shortcomings.

I only claimed that one of my songs, “Neil Young (Have You Forgotten),� was named the number 8 Best Record of 2006

…by somebody I’ve never heard of before in my life, and who, in any case, has an ideological ax to grind.

and that the song rose to #1 on USA Today’s Songs of the Times.

And there you are lying.

You seem to be a bit google-impaired and there’s no shame in that. So I’ve provided some links for reference purposes:

Here’s where I discovered the July list, with my song at number one:
http://indieheart.com/bands/120/message.php

Which curiously lacks any indication that the referenced list comes from USA Today, which is, after all, a daily newspaper and not a music magazine.

As you can see, after about 7 months, the song has slowly slipped to # 115 on that very chart, the one who claim doesn’t exist:
http://www.neilyoung.com/lwwtoday/lwwsongspage.html

Yes, I can. So this is where the “very chart” is located? On the “Living with War Today” page of Neil Young’s website, and not on the site of USA Today, the daily newspaper?

Did you think we were all idiots, or are you seriously telling us that you’re unable to read for even the faintest glimmer of comprehension?

I’m obviously not going to win you over as a fan. I don’t need to. I have plenty of fans.

And now for that very well-known folk song, sung to the tune “My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean”:

“The lurkers support me in e-mail. | They know my musical brilliancy. | Soon I’ll be known as a genius. | Just wait for a while and you’ll see!”

Why would I want to sing in tune if I’ve already acquired a burgeoning following that is continuing to grow? They may be few in number compared to Eminem, Justin Timberlake and Green Day, but they all have extremely high IQs.

I’m impressed. Not only does your website have the function of hawking your awful music, but it also is a peer-reviewed and independently validated IQ test.

Or do you have the world’s only fan club with a IQ test requirement?

Why would I want to write the kind of songs that please you? Why would I want to be more precise?

Because it would make your music better. If you don’t care about the quality of your music, then it shows your regard for your so-called fans in a very bad light.

What I’m doing right now seems to be working. If my momentum begins to slow down, and my relatively modest, if mildly impressive,

Impressive to whom?

musical fortunes fall into a state of deseutude,

Into a state of a disuse?! That doesn’t even make any sense, nor is there an alternate meaning which could make this statement make sense. Isn’t a songwriter supposed to know how to use words to illuminate, rather than confuse?

I may consider calling upon you for some advice.

*laughs* The very fact that you consider yourself above taking advice to heart shows that you’re really just a rank amateur with delusions of grandeur. Let me tell you something: there are no muses. Art proceeds from honing a craft. That’s why your self-aggrandizement, which would be ludicrous in anybody, even a Pavarotti, is offensive to the rest of us who are musicians, because the lack of craft screams out at us with every bar.

Once again, best of wishes with your next recital.

Actually, I will be performing in Les contes d’Hoffmann tonight.

You seem to be a bit google-impaired and there’s no shame in that. So I’ve provided some links for reference purposes:

Here’s where I discovered the July list, with my song at number one:
http://indieheart.com/bands/120/message.php

As you can see, after about 7 months, the song has slowly slipped to # 115 on that very chart, the one who claim doesn’t exist:
http://www.neilyoung.com/lwwtoday/lwwsongspage.html

And here are a couple related links:
http://news.com.com/5208-1027_3-0.html?forumID=1&threadID=16291&messageID=144896&start=-1

http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/201/3058/1600/lwwtodaybanner.gifhttp://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/201/3058/1600/lwwtodaybanner.gif

I’m obviously not going to win you over as a fan. I don’t need to. I have plenty of fans. Why would I want to sing in tune if I’ve already acquired a burgeoning following that is continuing to grow? They may be few in number compared to Eminem, Justin Timberlake and Green Day, but they all have extremely high IQs.

Why would I want to write the kind of songs that please you? Why would I want to be more precise? What I’m doing right now seems to be working. If my momentum begins to slow down, and my relatively modest, if mildly impressive, musical fortunes fall into a state of deseutude, I may consider calling upon you for some advice.

Once again, best of wishes with your next recital.

I noticed you didn’t say a word about my number one placement on the USA Today Songs of the Times chart. An interesting bit of omission.

There seems to be little to say about something that probably doesn’t exist. I used that internet savvy you’re so keen on and seached for “USA Today Songs of the Times” and “Songs of the Times” restricted to the USA Today site and came up empty both times.

All of the belittling eventually draws the attention of critics like Al Barger, writer for Blogcritics Magazine.

G.B. Shaw, Virgil Thompson, Philip Heseltine. All peons compared to this mammoth, this colossus, this giant in his field…Al Barger! How can we mere mortals dare to disagree?

It generates a buzz that sparks the interest of the majority of Sadly No visitors that don’t hate me the way you do, and actually like me and my music, (or at least experience a guilty pleasure over listening to it). This silent majority is a silent majority I place a great deal of value upon. They download my songs in droves. I find this out through my own tracking system.

Even if you were telling the truth, what makes you think that they’re downloading your music because they like it?

Shandy: “Then don’t come back until it is. If you had just included a link via your name, and frankly admitted that you were an amateur without much talent, I wouldn’t think any better of you as a singer-songwriter, but I would think better of you as a person. I’m doing my master’s in vocal performance and biology right now, and I don’t come crowing whenever I’ve done a recital or taken a lead in a university opera production. It would be absurd, because it’s so commonplace. People like you are a dime a dozen, so learn some humility–at least enough humility to convince yourself that you need to train up your voice and learn the craft of songwriting.�

If the above statement is not the apotheosis of jealousy and sour grapes, then my name is Donald Trump.

If your name were Donald Trump (at least back when Trump was solvent, not on embarrassing reality TV shows, and had convincing hair) then you might legitimately accuse me of jealousy. Instead, you dub yourself “Dr. BLT”. How do you expect anyone to be jealous of that even in the abstract, let alone when you’re spilling forth your absurdities?!

Absolutely. I love musicians and love to celebrate in their successes. You don’t have to earn a Grammy to receive accolades from me.

I don’t need accolades from you. You, on the other hand, are so bathetic that you blow up every bit of minor attention into a complete validation of your musical career. There are no words for how stupid that is.

If you’ve heard the drinking water has been contaminated, and still take a drink, aren’t you the one to bring on your own pain and suffering.

I can see that as your next album: Dr BLT: He’s Pure Aural Dysentery!

As I’ve mentioned before, the public has grown weary of precision.

So singing out of tune is the way of the future?

They’re ready for something real, something with plenty of personality an passion—-and that’s where folks like me and Bob Dylan step in.

No, that’s where you step out. Your passion may be there, but your lack of talent makes your music so colorless that it’s impossible to recall in tranquility. Strummed open chords and out of tune singing do not make you a musical ‘personality’; they make you exactly like tens of thousands of other people. Fortunately for us, most of those people inflict their music, at most, on a restricted audience of family and friends around major holidays.

Yes, but I didn’t care what some anonymous idiot on the internet said.

Shandy: “I’m not a liberal. How can you conform to my liberal groupthink when I’m not a liberal myself? There is a whole spectrum of political philosophies which transcend your simplistic and Manichean “conservative or liberal� worldview. If you understand even that, that would make your lyrics better. Of course, you’d have to learn more chords and guitar technique that includes some actual picking in addition to the strumming over open chords to improve the music.�

More sour grapes. Another feeble attempt to belittle me and berate me.

Right. I’ve been an anarchist for years merely to belittle and berate someone I didn’t know of until yesterday. Your ego is so out of proportion to your talents that it’s ludicrous.

“…and those that are fools, let them use their talents.” In your case, the folly is exceptional and the talents minimal.

I’m used to it, Shandy. You can’t keep a good man down.

Nor can one keep you down. In fact, you’re up with every post to here. (Wank, wank, wank….)

You only make yourself look ridiculous when you try to ridicule me.

That’s rich.

I wish you great success with your next recital!

I wish you great success with your next music theory class.

February 9, 2007 at 18:40

“Oh wow, if it’s on the internet, it must be true! It’s “this criticâ€? because that critic doesn’t even have a frigging byline! I have no idea who it is and neither do you. Granted, if I were to seriously argue your music ranked eighth out of all the music produced last year, I’d want to be anonymous too.”

If a person has a little bit of internet savvy, it’s not hard to track down the source of anything. You seem to know how to use google, and with a few google entries, it would have been easy for you to identify the source, along with another review of the song by the same critic. I noticed you didn’t say a word about my number one placement on the USA Today Songs of the Times chart. An interesting bit of omission.

“It’s not underestimation if we know your precise worth. As for belittling you, coming back here just allows us to do more of it. I see from Google you’ve been doing this since 2005, and you’ve succeeded in attracting more disdain from the latest generation of Sadly, No! readers, like myself, who missed your garbage the first time.”

All of the belittling eventually draws the attention of critics like Al Barger, writer for Blogcritics Magazine. It generates a buzz that sparks the interest of the majority of Sadly No visitors that don’t hate me the way you do, and actually like me and my music, (or at least experience a guilty pleasure over listening to it). This silent majority is a silent majority I place a great deal of value upon. They download my songs in droves. I find this out through my own tracking system.

Me: “This may not be a Grammy or a platinum record,”

Shandy: “Then don’t come back until it is. If you had just included a link via your name, and frankly admitted that you were an amateur without much talent, I wouldn’t think any better of you as a singer-songwriter, but I would think better of you as a person. I’m doing my master’s in vocal performance and biology right now, and I don’t come crowing whenever I’ve done a recital or taken a lead in a university opera production. It would be absurd, because it’s so commonplace. People like you are a dime a dozen, so learn some humility–at least enough humility to convince yourself that you need to train up your voice and learn the craft of songwriting.”

If the above statement is not the apotheosis of jealousy and sour grapes, then my name is Donald Trump.

Me-”but everytime I experience any sort of modicum of recognition or reward for my musical accomplishments, I will be back to throw it in the face of my naysayers from Sadly, No.”

Shandy: “Great. Can I send you an e-mail every time I do a recital or take a solo in a concert, appear in the chorus, or on the stage at the KU Opera?”

Absolutely. I love musicians and love to celebrate in their successes. You don’t have to earn a Grammy to receive accolades from me.

Me- “I’m not a violent, blood-thirsty man who likes to see people suffer.”

Shandy: “Well, I suffered from being introduced to your music. Seriously. I get a headache at bad singing (sadly, many of my classmates set off this headache, as happened last night when I was in the audience for our performance of The Tales of Hoffmann). It’s the curse of having perfect pitch. You sing out of tune, arrhythmically, and it took all my self-control to even click though to your samples page after hearing your voice on the main page.”

If you’ve heard the drinking water has been contaminated, and still take a drink, aren’t you the one to bring on your own pain and suffering.

Me-”Poetic justice is the best form of justice. If my songs make your eardrums bleed, then, as the Rolling Stones once put it: Let it Bleed. It’s not because I hate you back that I allow my songs to burn holes in your eardrums. It’s out of love—tough love, that only a troll like me can offer.”

Shandy: “It’s not your songs, it’s your singing. Your songs are merely amateurish and badly written. It’s the fact that you’re out of tune and have no sense of rhythm that causes me physical pain. If I want that, I can always go listen to Florence Foster Jenkins or Michael Bolton’s opera album.”

As I’ve mentioned before, the public has grown weary of precision. They’re ready for something real, something with plenty of personality an passion—-and that’s where folks like me and Bob Dylan step in. No, I’m not saying I’m as good or better than Bob, and I wasn’t the one who said I can write better songs than Neil Young. But those are the two I’m most frequently compared with, those two and Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins. I consider myself unworthy of such comparisons, but I leave those judgements up to the public, the same public who put me at the very top of the USA Today chart, right above Kris Kristofferson, who I’ve also been compared with (once again, I declare myself unworthy).

Me: “My voice may suck at times, especially to those who have not had enough to drink,”

Shandy: “The amount of drink it would take to make your music palatable could induce vomiting even in Christopher Hitchens.”

Apparently not for the people responsible for putting my song at the top of the USA Today chart. Apparently not for the critic who declared my song the #8 Best Record of 2006.

Me “…or to think, but those of you who hate me, hate me, not because of my so-called “suckyâ€? voice, or because of my admittedly shallow braggadocio, but because I don’t think exactly like you. I don’t conform to your liberal groupthink.”

Shandy: “I’m not a liberal. How can you conform to my liberal groupthink when I’m not a liberal myself? There is a whole spectrum of political philosophies which transcend your simplistic and Manichean “conservative or liberalâ€? worldview. If you understand even that, that would make your lyrics better. Of course, you’d have to learn more chords and guitar technique that includes some actual picking in addition to the strumming over open chords to improve the music.”

More sour grapes. Another feeble attempt to belittle me and berate me. I’m used to it, Shandy. You can’t keep a good man down. You only make yourself look ridiculous when you try to ridicule me. I wish you great success with your next recital!

PJ O’Rourke was funny for a while after he went conservative. I think the “three books” figure above was about right. His Rolling Stone piece about the Euroweenies was his apotheosis and darn near last gasp. I was sort of sorry to see him become a boring scold picking on Jimmy Carter for being homely, because I thought it did my credibility good to be able to laugh at at least one conservative humorist. I keep trying. There’s a magazine off to my right that’s been open to an article by him for about a week now, but I just can’t get more than a couple of paragraphs in.

Dennis Miller. I swear, he used to be funny. On condoms depriving you of feeling: “I just wear two all the time, and when I’m doing it, I take one off, and I’m flyin’.” On the release of the Beatles’ White Album on CD: “Speaking from his prison cell, Charles Manson said, ‘Wow, you can hear it so clearly. I guess they weren’t sending me secret messages after all — I feel like such an asshole.’” And when he had his own show, I liked “The Humornauts,” though I can’t quote any of it.

Speaking of quoting, I said this in November, over at Pandagon:

—

Miller used to be funny. (Hell, Johnny Hart used to be funny!) But, you know, things change.

I suspect Miller writes his jokes with big blanks to be filled in later — yes, you’re way ahead of me: MAD LIBS. After he gets all the bile in place, he gets busy and puts in the all-fired smartypantsiest words he can find in his Big Book O’ Culture.

I suggest we could do just as badly all by ourselves. We could assemble a bank of blank-fillers for categories like “things that are so ugly,� “things that are so stupid,� “things that are so fast� and then write the all-purpose Dennis Miller generantor. Suggested prototype:

“Now, I don’t want to go into a rant here, but how bad is it when [person who is so liberal] is seen as the new [person who is so respectable]? That’s like having [person who is so stupid] take over for [person who was so smart] at [event which is so prestigious]. You might as well have one of these [adjective chain for stupidity] [very stupid thing]s over to [perform very demanding activity] for your next [esoteric event]. Every time I hear about one of these [thing that is so stupid]s trying to [do thing that is so smart], I just have to [pointless physical activity that isn’t masturbation].�

In this case, we can fill in the blanks and get:

“Now, I don’t want to go into a rant here, but how bad is it when Howard Dean is seen as the new Ronald Reagan? That’s like having Soupy Sales take over for Stephen Hawking at the College Bowl. You might as well have one of these no-neck drooling inbred clown-hatted mongoloid planaria worms trying to solve Fermat’s Last Theorem for your next Burning Man Festival. Every time I hear about one of these liberals trying to second-guess Bush, I just have to club myself over the head repeatedly with a cast-iron statue of Fatty Arbuckle.�

See? It doesn’t even have to make sense! We could put the real Miller out of business. They’d replace him with a chimp who’s trained to open and close his mouth repeatedly while a stagehand reads the dialog.

—

And why hasn’t my brilliant suggestion been acted on yet? I blame the [things that are so stupid]!

Oh wow, if it’s on the internet, it must be true! It’s “this critic” because that critic doesn’t even have a frigging byline! I have no idea who it is and neither do you. Granted, if I were to seriously argue your music ranked eighth out of all the music produced last year, I’d want to be anonymous too.

I think I just realized why I had the need to return to Sadly, No (and don’t worry, I won’t be here much longer).

It’s payback time for all of those who have underestimated me and belittled me.

It’s not underestimation if we know your precise worth. As for belittling you, coming back here just allows us to do more of it. I see from Google you’ve been doing this since 2005, and you’ve succeeded in attracting more disdain from the latest generation of Sadly, No! readers, like myself, who missed your garbage the first time.

This may not be a Grammy or a platinum record,

Then don’t come back until it is. If you had just included a link via your name, and frankly admitted that you were an amateur without much talent, I wouldn’t think any better of you as a singer-songwriter, but I would think better of you as a person. I’m doing my master’s in vocal performance and biology right now, and I don’t come crowing whenever I’ve done a recital or taken a lead in a university opera production. It would be absurd, because it’s so commonplace. People like you are a dime a dozen, so learn some humility–at least enough humility to convince yourself that you need to train up your voice and learn the craft of songwriting.

but everytime I experience any sort of modicum of recognition or reward for my musical accomplishments, I will be back to throw it in the face of my naysayers from Sadly, No.

Great. Can I send you an e-mail every time I do a recital or take a solo in a concert, appear in the chorus, or on the stage at the KU Opera?

I’m not a violent, blood-thirsty man who likes to see people suffer.

Well, I suffered from being introduced to your music. Seriously. I get a headache at bad singing (sadly, many of my classmates set off this headache, as happened last night when I was in the audience for our performance of The Tales of Hoffmann). It’s the curse of having perfect pitch. You sing out of tune, arrhythmically, and it took all my self-control to even click though to your samples page after hearing your voice on the main page.

Poetic justice is the best form of justice. If my songs make your eardrums bleed, then, as the Rolling Stones once put it: Let it Bleed. It’s not because I hate you back that I allow my songs to burn holes in your eardrums. It’s out of love—tough love, that only a troll like me can offer.

It’s not your songs, it’s your singing. Your songs are merely amateurish and badly written. It’s the fact that you’re out of tune and have no sense of rhythm that causes me physical pain. If I want that, I can always go listen to Florence Foster Jenkins or Michael Bolton’s opera album.

My voice may suck at times, especially to those who have not had enough to drink,

The amount of drink it would take to make your music palatable could induce vomiting even in Christopher Hitchens.

or to think, but those of you who hate me, hate me, not because of my so-called “sucky� voice, or because of my admittedly shallow braggadocio, but because I don’t think exactly like you. I don’t conform to your liberal groupthink.

I’m not a liberal. How can you conform to my liberal groupthink when I’m not a liberal myself? There is a whole spectrum of political philosophies which transcend your simplistic and Manichean “conservative or liberal” worldview. If you understand even that, that would make your lyrics better. Of course, you’d have to learn more chords and guitar technique that includes some actual picking in addition to the strumming over open chords to improve the music.