Yes it’s true. Utterly, unadulteratedly, unclothedly, true. All of it. Even though it never happened. Ring a bell?…

so I’ll post links: Fashionistas react to The Chimperor’s Latest Outfit; Spain Legalizes Gay Marriage

Post links everywhere people, this one’s a classic…

Paula Abdul: (looks at Bush for a long time with a faint, but pitying, smile) You know I’m a big fan, right? Right? But this wasn’t one of your better performances; we’ve come to expect better from you. You still have something I like. I hope the next one is better.”

Simon Cowell: (looks at Randy and Paula like they’re deranged) “Did we just watch the same performance? That was dreadful! He was off-key, flat, and he couldn’t even remember the words! I wouldn’t be surprised if this is your last week, George…” (Paula kicks Simon under the table.)

Wait a minute — I can laugh and commit suicide at the same time!

But then I’d miss your next column.

Excellent work, Ms. Nut. My favorite detail: the “Shaddap” codpiece. (Yeah, I know ? it’s really a rated-xxx bits-blocker but when I think “Bush,” I think “codpiece.” Among other things.)

Every time I think I start to get bored with the Internet, I find something like this that causes a few capillaries in my forehead to pop. Read Fashionistas react to the Chimperor’s outfit. Now.

ALFRED LUBRANO

Knight Ridder Newspapers

(KRT) – Some say he dazzled, others say he fizzled. But nearly everyone agrees that during his Tuesday night news conference, President Bush managed to mesmerize America with his tie. His cobalt tie with white diamonds offered viewers a “Lucy in the Sky With … ” sort of hallucinatory experience.

Because of the tight pattern, the tie seemed to buzz and vibrate. Television cameras “get confused” when the lines of an image are too close together, said Joanne Calabria, communications director for KYW-TV in Philadelphia.

“Cameras can’t read detail that tight,” she said. Generally, news anchors make sure there’s more open space when they wear patterned ties, she added. Fashion Web sites across America were atwitter with tie talk Wednesday.

There’s no truth to the rumors, by the way, that Bush’s tie shut down the electric grid in Ohio and hypnotized Americans into forming a cult that worships presidential adviser Karen Hughes.