Another notable individual is Leonard Peikoff. He’s an Objectivist wingnut, a follower of Ayn Rand. Objectivism isn’t the same as regular Republican wingnuts, and may not be as bad, but there’s plenty of similarity. Ayn Rand, of course, was a self-made woman, which is part of the reason why she was so insistent on the concept in her “philosophy” of Objectivism.

And with her philosophy of selfishness, she never did get around to becoming a mother, and so she designated Leonard Peikoff as her philosophical heir. Peikoff wasn’t the first guy to have a chance at being the heir; Nathaniel Branden had a shot at it, but he blew it by disagreeing with Rand about a few issues. Peikoff agreed with Rand so completely that Ayn Rand decided to make her the heir. He gets the royalties on Atlas Shrugged, and he gets to be the spokesman for Ayn Rand’s opinions for his whole life. Really, would anyone care what he has to say if he weren’t in the Ayn Rand Institute:?

Seriously. It’s like performance art or something. Andy Kaufman would be amazed.

Contrast Goldberg with Victor Davis Hanson. He’s done some well respected and innovative work in his area of specialty: ancient Greek warfare. It’s when he tries to link that to the present is where he goes off the rails. John Derbyshire has written a copule of well reviewd books on the history of mathematics. Christopher Hitchens, whatever you think of him now, is a talented writer. The Powerline guys and Reynolds are practicing lawyers. Limbaugh’s a special case. He wouldn’t be nearly successful as he is if he wasn’t braying the conservative talking points. But he does have some talent: he has a great radio voice and his show is a pretty slick production. His money comes not from conservative donors, but from advertisers.

So before you nominate someone, think whether this person would be a low level corporate drone if they hadn’t somehow fallen into the wingnut welfare machine. (No offense intended to fellow low level coporate drones.)

For a while he was able to ride by stretching facts, pulling obscure names of Iraqi clerics and power players and concocting some creative connections. But stretching will only go so far.

For the past year, Hitchens has proved to be a great source of material for delirium researchers.

Ralph “blood and guts” Peters.

Lets face it, although lesser contenders may have overcome severe personal shortcomings to achieve their vaunted status, all but the Dear Leader have an unfair advantage in the sweepstakes: a minimal proficiency in the English language.

Transmuting an ability to write high school level “why the patriotism and the free enterprise system makes America the best country in history” essays into an upper-middle-class lifestyle is one thing. To achieve supreme executive authority over the world’s only superpower based on nothing but a faux-good-ol’-boy persona and family connections is an achievement that may never be repeated.

I would also like to propose an offical motto for “The Ownership Society”: We Hire the Handicapped.

I offer these thoughts to you in a purely cold-hearted selfish way.

Appointed by Bush to chair a committee to “lead” Americas Alternative Energy Future, which is oil-billionaire code for “hinder.”

His $400 retirement settlement wasn’t enough.

2. Marc–right-wing intellectual is an oxymoron. Or, perhaps more accurately, it is a chimera in that no such thing actually exists.

7. Randall “Duke” Cunningham

Charges: A shameless, filthy monster of corruption. This “hero” inspired Top Gun, but cried like a little bitch when he was finally busted for being a wanton congressional prostitute. Holds the record for most bribe money accepted by a representative in the history of Congress. Literally wrote up a bribery “menu,” listing sums to be paid for defense contracts: 10% for the first few million, with discounts for more. Lived on a yacht called the “Duke Stir” that was paid for by a defense contractor. Cunningham steered a contract aimed at protecting U.S. troops from IEDs in Iraq to the guy who let him have champagne ‘n’ hooker parties on his boat, trading the safety of American troops for a sweet after-prom party.

Exhibit A: Started a shoving match with a Democratic congressman over sending troops to Bosnia, then ran away and was found crying in the coatroom.

Sentence: Shanked by fellow inmate using “Randy ‘Duke’ Cunningham Fighter Ace Kalinga Style Buck Knife,” complete with the Congressional seal on it, sold illegally through his website for $595.

30. Rush Limbaugh

Charges: It’s hard to believe this repulsive shit fountain is even human, until you remember that we share 70% of our DNA with pigs. Then again, to be any more hypocritical Rush would actually have to be a member of another species. After the Democrats took congress in November, Limbaugh said he felt “liberated” because “I no longer am going to have to carry the water for people who I don’t think deserve having their water carried,” essentially telling his listeners he’d been lying to them all year. The dittoheads didn’t mind; that’s why they listen.

Exhibit A: If someone had taken a shotgun and blown Rush’s head clean off while he was wobbling his bloated body back and forth in an inconceivably cruel mockery of Michael J. Fox, whom he accused of faking his Parkinson’s symptoms for political effect, it would have been the greatest viral video of them all.

Sentence: Parkinson’s disease, of course, triggered by oxycontin abuse.