17
She wanks in mysterious ways
Thanks (!) to reader cowalker, we discover Shelley the Republican:
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for adoption but if Liberals stopped having sex with everybody they laid eyes on then the only kids that’d need adopting would be the ones whose parents died.
That’s a good start. Then again, don’t stop ’til you get enough:
We know that President George W. Bush comes from a family that takes its commitiment to serving the United States of America seriously. We know that Bill Clinton’s family was white trash and he wound up marrying a lesbian that killed Vince Foster.
Let’s crank up teh stupid to 11, ok?
Democratic Party Profiles: Barrack Obama
Firstly, it’s well known that black men are the most likely segment of the US population to go to jail. They are the most likely to take crack. The most likely to sell crack. The most likely to get involved in ‘drive by’ shootings. They are the most likely to pimp out women of easy virtue. They are the most likely to listen to disgusting hip-hop music and turn decent American children away from God.
You could only improve on this by writing: They are the most likely to take teh crack. The most likely to sell teh crack… and so on. But then we decided that Shelley the Republican is Jesus General’s wife. So it’s all very, very funny. Really. A great joke. Or is it… sadly, no!?
jpj said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:25
And the lesbian killed Vince Foster because she was having an affair with him. Because lesbians always marry men and then have affairs with other men. Yes, they are THAT perverted.
Thlayli said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:29
This one looks promising.
MJ’ better watch her back….
Righteous Bubba said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:29
OMG, live chat on-site.
Percey Bysshe Kittens said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:45
And the liberals were in the closet making babies and then one of the babies looked at me.
Redleg said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:46
What’s up with the use of “teh” instead of “the?” Did I miss something?
mdhatter said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:46
“Don’t get me wrong”
How could we -possibly- misunderstand her?
mikey said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:47
Oh lawdy, but that’s ugly. Racist hate speech with a particularly American fascist bent. It’s like a focused annieangel, but with at least a 9th grade education. Shelley’s sure not shy about the racial slurs, is she? I wonder if her ISP has a hate speech clause in her ToS….
mikey
Otto Man said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:48
Oh, she’s stupid alright. Stupid like a fox, baby!
Silver Owl said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:57
The republican base is made up of the freakiest types of people. All hate no substance.
Dan Someone said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:59
Gotta be a joke. NFW is that for real.
fish said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:09
Shelley is parody. My favorites are when Tristan Shuddery attacks linux for being godless.
david said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:09
I’m with Dan on this.
jam hamster jay said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:12
Oh, c’mon, it’s a spoof.
God, I hope I’m wrong. Funny if written in jest, transcendant if written in earnest.
Gloria Throckmorton said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:12
Redleg said,
January 17, 2007 at 23:46
What’s up with the use of “teh� instead of “the?� Did I miss something?
I was equally mystified so I went to Wikipedia. Of all the interesting definitions listed there, this is the one I think most pertinent:
“The widespread popularity of purposely using teh on Internet forums and other forms of communication was popularized … by the fictitious character JeffK, of the humour website Something Awful, who often misspelled words on his homepage in a parody of a certain stereotype of Internet user.”
teegee said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:12
An artist’s rendering of Nancy Pelosi on hearing the news
that another pre-born American child was murdered
Classic stuff. Sort of a cross between Ofjoshua and Sister Nancy Beth Excema.
Matt T. said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:12
You know what it reminds me of is the sewer that used to be the Yahoo! message boards. Always the first bastion for the lowest common denominator and a chalkboard of some truly ugly human ideas. They can’t all be faking it and after Katrina, nothing shocks me. This one might be, though, but you really can’t tell. Shit, I’ve heard “arguments” like that last one from PREACHERS, for cryin’ out loud.
grampaw said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:18
All I want to know is which one of the SN editors is behind the “Sadly No” moniker here. No-Longer-Retardo, perhaps?
At any rate, whoever you are, YHBT, and hard, by a site that’s been around for years. HTH.
Principal Blackman said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:23
Great reference and great screen name, Percy.
Roger said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:31
‘The Rev. King would look at today’s Republican party and say “My Work here is Doneâ€?’
Sweet merciful jesus…
Karl Rove II said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:41
Great parody, she MUST be related to the Godly General J.
teh l4m3 said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:46
“Pull your claws out, Kittens, he’s about to blow!”
Hee hee. I love how that came from the “n*gger” episode — one of the most brilliant SWC episodes EVAH~!!1!!@!
Pope Nixon said,
January 18, 2007 at 0:51
These days, it’s getting harder to write a decent parody of standard-issue wingnut blather, since nothing you make up could be crazier than what real wingnuts say and actually believe. But this one has to be a joke. It’s brilliant, too. C’mon, how many Republicans name check Ol’ Dirty Bastard?
(Then again, I thought Renew America was a brilliant parody the first time I read it…)
Principal Blackman said,
January 18, 2007 at 1:15
one of the most brilliant SWC episodes EVAH~!!1!!@!
My online namesake’s joint anti-racism video venture with Mr. Kittens is truly classic material.
“You’re a racist. You, not me. I’m not the racist, and neither is Mr. Kittens here.”
“Look, I know these images are shocking. But do we really want to live in a world where Principal Blackman can’t dress up as a giant squirrel? You’re a racist.”
“Where’s my nut?”
Smeg Head said,
January 18, 2007 at 1:44
First I thought Dan was right. This could not be for real. So I checked it out. Alas, it seems to be for real. Or as JeffK would put it:
Oe nho!!
It si teh intarnets rpepublican outs for:__ rethorical revenage!! “EATS MY ASS-WAEK ,,LIBRAEL FAGORTS!!!”?$
brndan said,
January 18, 2007 at 1:48
there is NO WAY that’s real. I simply don’t believe it. It is too over the top, and too fucking funny.
Particularly funny
Jeopardude said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:00
It’s faker than Pam Andreson’s chemical balls.
mikey said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:04
-Foreigners are will in most cases beaten or kicked to death due to a lack or adequate firearms.
Poetic in it’s incoherence. And informative in that we are made aware that german firearms are inadequate (I have a way more than adequate HK USP .45, so I tend to disagree)…
mikey
spencer said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:14
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for adoption but if Liberals stopped having sex with everybody they laid eyes on then the only kids that’d need adopting would be the ones whose parents died.
You know, this is a sensitive issue for me. The whole reason I even registered Dem in the first place was for the nonstop commitment-free sex with absolutely anyone and everyone. But I’ve been a registered Democrat for, like, half my life now, and I still couldn’t get laid at the Mustang Ranch with a fistful of hundreds.
Maaaaaan, that is blatant false advertising!
oudemia said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:29
This is the caption to a photo of a woman in a chastity belt:
Parody, right? Right?
ace of jade said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:39
Yes, it is parody, although I acknowledge that nowadays this can be detected only by very subtle clues.
Thers said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:40
You know, the obligation to have sex with everyone I lay eyes on really does make it hard to get anything done in a day. A simple trip to the grocery store is really a harrowing ordeal. Ever get stuck in one of them checkout conveyor belts? Too embarrassing.
Liberalism is a heavy burden.
Tofu Bisque Shelley said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:45
Nope, not real. Can’t be. And that Billy Bob Neck site can’t be real either.
Righteous Bubba said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:46
But I’ve been a registered Democrat for, like, half my life now, and I still couldn’t get laid at the Mustang Ranch with a fistful of hundreds.
You have to let the hundreds OUT of your fist.
Spokane Moderate said,
January 18, 2007 at 2:47
It’s Ann Althouse releasing her inner partisan.
Smiling Mortician said,
January 18, 2007 at 3:04
Yeah, Shelley’s a parody. Not as faithfully clear about it as the General nor as subtle about it as Jon Swift — no, I’d say she’s an Andy Kaufman-style satirist . . . I read a bunch of her archived stuff and she never violates the fourth wall. She’s a better method actor than Daniel Day-Lewis. Even her blogroll links to sincerely wingnutty blogs.
The scary thing is that if even the razor-sharp wits here at SNo aren’t sure, what manner of atrocity is fermenting among the wingers who cannot on their best day recognize satire when it stands in front of them and screams “Kidding!”?
Thus my philosophical/tactical question of the day: when does parody of the right become not only counterproductive but dangerous? Discuss.
His Grace said,
January 18, 2007 at 3:53
SM, I think Blogs for Bush was promoting Swift’s article on how the Republican Party needed to learn something from the Taliban.
I remember plodding around TheJacksonianParty.blogspot.com when Brad did the brilliant take down on the Glenn Reynold’s Iraq Symposium Results. The guy thought that his time spent playing Axis and Allies taught him the skills he needed to win the War on Terror. Some of ‘em are completely beyond parody.
Greg said,
January 18, 2007 at 3:59
No, I’m afraid this is real. Think about it. How many of us would use racial slurs, even in a parody? How could we come up with something like “There are so many orphans because Democ-rats have sex all the time,” complete with misspelling our party’s name–and use it to criticize Tom Vilsack with?? *Instant Messenger*? Real, real, frighteninginly, horrifyingly real.
Todd Adamson said,
January 18, 2007 at 6:27
You’ve all been had. Check out this article on the The Song of Solomon
Gotta hand it to them, though. They have officially topped Landover Baptist. Check out the linked blogs on the contacts page. Even more buffoonery. Tristan Shuddery’s Dobsonia is just plain fucking weird. Somebody has been smoking a massive amount of herb. I love the internets.
Some Guy said,
January 18, 2007 at 6:35
http://www.shelleytherepublican.com/war-on-terror/
Sad, but worth it. And APPARENTLY, Iraq is 75% done. So hurrah.
I can’t tell if this is parody or not, but it’s certainly funny as hell. Like, “Special Olympics” funny.
teh l4m3 said,
January 18, 2007 at 6:45
“And I suppose you think a black woman can’t be a doctor!”
Kala Melaka said,
January 18, 2007 at 7:17
when does parody of the right become not only counterproductive but dangerous? Discuss.
Never. I would argue that the deeper and more “real” you make it, the more leeway you have to expose the idiocy of it all.
Send that site to a couple of people that you know are on the fence politically. You can’t stay on the fence after reading that shit. Chances are good they’ll move leftward.
As to creating an army of super-assholes, I saw very few ideas on that site that didn’t come from some other source, implying that it’s based in fact. That said, the presentation of those ideas would make most real conservatives ashamed.
I have to say, though, it’s pretty funny to think of them writing the State of the Union address!
rachel said,
January 18, 2007 at 10:11
Bwaaaahhh! It’s a parody, alright. :-D
bago said,
January 18, 2007 at 12:13
You know, if you want to do a really great troll, you need to plagarize. The next time a righty says something as stupid as this:
“I don’t know how many guys and gals are sitting in air-conditioned quarters and drinking designer coffee, but it’s a substantial number. Enough of that.”
Just repost it exactly as is without attribution, in a lefty context.
Sit back and watch heads explode.
RobW (not that RobW guy) said,
January 18, 2007 at 12:43
FWIW I vote Parody.
atheist said,
January 18, 2007 at 13:09
Mortician:
Thus my philosophical/tactical question of the day: when does parody of the right become not only counterproductive but dangerous? Discuss.
It would become dangerous when it starts leading political action like the real thing. Like if it comes up with the next ‘War on XMAS’ thing, or something else that hurts real people or truly helps Right Wing Authoritarians.
Also I guess if it coarsens society in a wide-ranging way because most people like it?
As this blog that is under scrutiny now looks, it seems like it is coarsening the right wing further, encouraging them to drop pretenses of being anti-racist and come out against blacks in an open way. That could be tactically useful, as long as society hasn’t decided in the meantime that it wants to be more racist too.
slappy said,
January 18, 2007 at 14:38
Are some folks really scratching their heads trying to figure this out?
“It ain’t gonna be a cakewalk and winning ain’t gonna mean some kinda ceremony celebrating victory on a battleship like in the old days. ” – Shelley
COME ON PEOPLE!! NOT THAT HARD!! sheesh
Righteous Bubba said,
January 18, 2007 at 15:51
Last month, the Microsoft corporation revealed that they own most, if not all of the patents in the Linix Program.
But this is something – stated more reasonably – Ballmer was trying to float with the Novell agreement, so neither here nor as evidence.
I like the Neil Young post.
Marion in Savannah said,
January 18, 2007 at 19:00
It’s gotta be parody. I hope…. But what’s up with that annoying 3-tone chime thing they have going on? I keep waiting to hear about a new blue light special…
Duros62 said,
January 18, 2007 at 21:49
This is my biggest clue that it’s a put on;
When I see Liberal filth like The Jon Stewart show and Fox News on our televisions every day,…..
Sonic said,
January 18, 2007 at 22:14
It’s gotta be real, no-one could parody that well.
Richard 23 said,
January 18, 2007 at 23:19
Shelley is real. I’ve personally corresponded with Shelley and Tristan. Moonbats are so deluded that they label truth as “parody” or “satire.” Because they can’t handle reality. The STR thinktank says things that real Republicans believe but are too shy to disclose in public.
Sonic said,
January 19, 2007 at 3:04
“The STR thinktank says things that real Republicans believe but are too shy to disclose in public”
You mean like
“American Deaths: 3003 (Sad but worth it!)
Towelhead Deaths: 650,000 (estimated – The world is a better place now!)”
Sonic said,
January 19, 2007 at 3:06
What makes me think it is real is the links (at the bottom)
Sonic said,
January 19, 2007 at 3:10
Sorry to go on, here is the final piece of evidence that Shelly is truly a republican
“I remember when I was his age. While I was unfortunately unfit to serve in our armed forces”
Case closed.
joanne murphy said,
January 20, 2007 at 17:09
This is definitely so over the top I was thinking, it HAD to be a joke. But some genuine wingnuts are SO extreme and demented it’s hard to be sure.
If it turns out she’s serious, so much the better—-nuthin’ helps our cause as much as having all the drooling imbeciles on the other side.