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Celebrity Deathmatch
Why, oh why do these lovely, delicious, shiny, sweet and toothsome items always come blossoming out of the Internet just when I’m trying to get some sleep?
Here’s Dan Riehl. He’s mad.
Inside Blogging: How I Made Ace My Bitch!
All things considered, I’d prefer to not turn on a fellow conservative blogger. But when someone turns on you and your specialty, someone who knows next to nothing about web sleuthing and has confessed in group email to knowing nothing more about Google, than maybe that it has two O’s … well, sorry, but the freaking gloves are coming off.
I think this is about the 4,000th time someone has done a post with that title. It’s like you’re in a Dixieland band and Ace comes walking up with a trombone, all like, “Hey, check out this song. It’s called ‘When The Saints Go Marching In.’”
Now let me tell you all a little something about my good buddy Ace so you can peak his hole card the way I have, something you might not know if you’ve never collaborated with him on anything.
My man Ace, purveyor of the Internet’s purportedly most dangerous, if not deadly skull and cross bones Ace HQ Death Card … uh huh! Well, once you know a little something about how that particular Death Card came to be, it might not seem so menacing, after all. And Ace might just find out the jokes been on him all this time.
If you were to slip a whoopie cushion on Ace’s chair, he’d stand up and exclaim, “This chair made a sound like there was a whoopie cushion on it.” Then he’d sit on it again. I’m just saying this plan isn’t going to be as easy as it might seem.
See, I designed that death card for him. Just ask him! Assuming he tells you the truth.
Oh, that would be this one:
Above: logo displays several hallmarks of authentic Riehl design
You’ve heard about people who have a word they match in the dictionary? Well, my man Ace, he gets two – Anal and Retentive. That SOB drove me nucking futz for the better part of a month, late, every damned night designing that stupid card AND I WAS DOING THE WORK FOR FREE!!!
Cry me a river, Dan. How much do you think he gave us for this?
Update: This must be a prank. I can’t believe this isn’t a prank cooked up between these two specifically to draw us in. Read the second half of Dan’s post and tell me it isn’t just too good to be real.
Double-update: As in, yeah, he’s obviously being sarcastic and so forth, but…when has Dan ever had a sense of humor before? [Stands up and exclaims:] My brain’s making a sound like there’s a whoopie cushion in it.
Some Guy said,
January 12, 2007 at 11:13
He made Ace his bitch by doing a crap-assed logo for him?
Riehl, please: stay out of federal prison.
wankerface said,
January 12, 2007 at 11:25
The resemblance is striking. Glenn Greenwald has a skull, and there, on the logo – another skull. For all we know, it could be his.
Some Guy said,
January 12, 2007 at 11:54
Could be, simply because the wordage goes into Counter Strike mode.
http://home.comcast.net/~itsjustdan/AceHQ.gif
Except that doesn’t match up at all. The jaw is off by an inch, for one.
annieangel said,
January 12, 2007 at 11:58
Please unban me Gavin!!! I hate being banned!!! ;)
Pinko Punko said,
January 12, 2007 at 11:59
You got to admit, those guys were hilarious with the Tigger blogging.
Pinko Punko said,
January 12, 2007 at 12:00
To bad the genocidal aftertaste of the usual crap over there ruing my palate for teh funny.
kingubu said,
January 12, 2007 at 13:03
So Riehl grabbed the towel bar, squinched up his eyes, pushed with all his might, and produced… a tiny nugget of low parody.
Anybody got a bran muffin?
owlbear1 said,
January 12, 2007 at 14:42
This must be a prank. I can’t believe this isn’t a prank cooked up between these two specifically to draw us in. Read the second half of Dan’s post and tell me it isn’t just too good to be real.
========================================
Or Danny is just trying to pick a fight hoping for some great ‘make up’ sex?
celticgirl said,
January 12, 2007 at 15:14
Gavin, this has TRAP written all over it. I think the advice here is: ignore the kooks …
Ann Althouse said,
January 12, 2007 at 15:18
Either this is a trap, of Jeff Goldstein’s cock-slapping has gotten more out of hand than we thought….
pablo said,
January 12, 2007 at 15:30
“so you can peak his hole card the way I have”
Is that English? Can someone translate that?
Jeff Fecke said,
January 12, 2007 at 15:44
Were I Ace, I would use the banner you made out of spite. Were I Ace.
sohei said,
January 12, 2007 at 16:06
> “so you can peak his hole card the way I have�
> Is that English? Can someone translate that?
Nope. Sounds kinky, though.
droog said,
January 12, 2007 at 17:13
It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap! It’s a trap!
prozacula said,
January 12, 2007 at 17:34
yeah, these guys really have to work the noggin pretty hard to come up with something witty, and you can tell that riehl is trying pretty hard here.
it’s riehl obvious that this is a riehl stoopid prank so they can later laugh about you acting the same way they do over kerning or suspicious photos.
teh l4m3 said,
January 12, 2007 at 17:47
A) Their traffic is dropping.
B) The nascent (and ever so fragile!) ascendancy of sanity in politics and the public discourse threatens them and they’re turning on each other like a pack of wild jackals.
Chairman Meow said,
January 12, 2007 at 18:28
They’re just resorting to this because they’re not Manly enough to wage a straight-up bad-’80s-video war.
ace of jade said,
January 12, 2007 at 18:32
It’s like a man-trap made out of plastic paper-clips.
I wish Jarden Corporation would sue him.
tigrismus said,
January 12, 2007 at 18:38
Your logo is still the best, Gavin. It reminds me of the time back in the day when I drove the rough country roads from Lyerly, GA to Gadsden, AL and saw some forgotten, peeling Burma Shave signs:
On curves ahead
make no mistakes
insert text here
wah-wah fishcakes
BURMA SHAVE
True story.
Pinko Punko said,
January 12, 2007 at 19:37
Ha!
t- I thought you got fired from the internets?
True story.
mikey said,
January 12, 2007 at 19:47
I hate to say it, but I like these guys better in full racist genocidal cry. This just makes my ass tired…
mikey
ace of jade said,
January 12, 2007 at 19:48
when has Dan ever had a sense of humor before?
He must have bought one on ebay.
(unused xmas present)
tigrismus said,
January 12, 2007 at 19:54
PP, the tubes bringing the Google to stately Tucker Mansion are obviously a bit sludgy, as l’orage orangehas not yet orangely stormed into my living room and demanded I celebrate the holidays by losing my position.
kingubu said,
January 12, 2007 at 20:59
Didn’t Retardo play bass for The Wah-Wah Fishcakes?
Ace got Laid said,
January 12, 2007 at 21:01
this is what happens when death-loving humorless conservatives try to do meta-fiction. it’s a real obvious and poorly done trap.
tb said,
January 12, 2007 at 21:05
This is the feeblest shit ever.
annieangel said,
January 12, 2007 at 22:00
Pinko Punko said,
January 12, 2007 at 19:37
Stop stealing my lines, cobag.
Richard 23 said,
January 13, 2007 at 1:04
Zzzz.
Very towelsnappy, boyZ.
And my low regard for Dan Riehl’s “blog” hasn’t changed a bit.
tb said,
January 13, 2007 at 2:11
God damn it, I’m getting tired of having my IQ drop another few points every time I get exposed to these fucking mongoloids. Stop writing about them! I shit you not, the next fucking beard I see, I will not be responsible for my actions. I’m going to trash this this fucking office.
Bill said,
January 13, 2007 at 2:35
I think they’re surge-o-holics. They’re addicted to surge-o-hol. [/homer]
Smiling Mortician said,
January 13, 2007 at 2:37
Riehlly: I’m a puzzle guy. And sometimes when you start taking things apart, you lose sight ofthe bigger picture, or don’t see the truth. ANyway, no offense intended. I just didn’t want people thinking I had any bad feelings with Ace over his post. I laughed when I read it, which isn’t to say it didn’t contain some truth. That’s usually the basis for the best humor, in my opinion.
OK, so he missed the first week or so of Humor 101. He can still cram for the quiz, though, right? Right?
teh l4m3 said,
January 13, 2007 at 6:52
You know what’s really gonna blow your mind? Soon after that “exchange” was posted, some Elohim City goober in a Border Patrol T-shirt and camos (W42, L29) saw it and laughed his ass off…
Marq said,
January 14, 2007 at 4:04
I woulda been OK with that, lame as it was, if Richard 23 hadn’t c&peed that treacly postscript. Yeh-fuckin’-eeeeeeecccchhhhh!!!11!1!1!!! Tui!1!