10
Frum: The Horse’s Mouth
Everyone is looking forward to Bush’s speech this evening, in which he will announce the Kagan plan for escalation in Iraq.
‘Everyone’ is a word that often even includes David Frum, who contributed the following nota bene to The Corner yesterday evening.
Above: David Frum
My suggestion:
No Oval Office, no big desk. Have the president stand in the Map Room, the room on the ground floor of White House in which Franklin Roosevelt reviewed strategy with his generals.
[...]
Hang a map of Baghdad on one wall. A map of Iraq on another. Have the president stand between them with a laser pointer. Let him show where the sectarian fighting in the city is occurring, let him detail where US troops are currently deployed. Then he can explain the new plan: Where the extra troops would go, what they would do, where the new checkpoints would be placed, how the city would be cleared, how it would be held.
No flowery language, no hazy generalities. Detail, detail, detail – to assure the American people that their commander-in-chief has thought this plan through and has reason to believe that it can and will work.
Frum is not only a Republican mouthpiece, but is also a former Bush speechwriter — and as such, he’s in an excellent position to have advance knowledge of this speech. Is he pulling a Hinderaker and pretending to make ‘suggestions’ based on what he already knows will happen?
Well, we shall soon see!* But whether or not Bush appears in a General Montague outfit with riding crop and laser pointer, repeating the Iraqi place names that emit from his ear-prompter, we refuse to be scooped by a man with a preposition for a surname. (“We’re talking to David Frum,” the radio voice will say, and one’s brain will always momentarily scream, “Frum where!?”) (David is in fact a native of Toronto, Canada.)
Our prediction (with checklist):
- [ ] President walks out with features pre-composed into the serious-and-earnest expression.
- [ ] First long section of speech is timeline of successes in the War on Terror which does not resemble any known sequence of events in the world.
- [ ] “But America is not yet safe,” says the President. “There are those who envy our freedoms and seek to destroy us.” (Phrasing will vary.)
- [ ] A list of measures that are being taken to ensure America’s safety, by the President and under his orders, that do not resemble any known events in the world.
- [ ] Challenges ahead. Identify issues and enemies in Iraq according to requirements of the political moment.
- [ ] Transition: variation(s) of the phrase, “I have a plan — and it’s a plan that will work.” Invoke generals, suggest having studied Baker-Hamilton plan, give impression of sober deliberations.
- [ ] Lengthy passage on the troops, including at least one concrete invocation of a specific troop, specifying his place of origin. Alternately, this may be a family member. Perhaps a letter has been sent to the President, or he has met this person in his travels.
- [ ] “Sacred duty of the Commander-in-Chief to ensure the safety of the troops,” or variation thereof. Noble sacrifice, difficult sacrifice, some kind of sacrifice. (Call for sacrifice? Honoring sacrifice?)
- [ ] President pauses with facial expression intended to suggest concern and determination, but instead looks just like before except slightly annoyed or startled.
- [ ] Reveal escalation plan, with specifics of action that do not resemble any known strategic or tactical challenges in the world.
- [ ] Brief refrain to one or more of above topics, stressing need for action, safety of troops, value of sacrifice, desirability of success, badness of evil, importance of being earnest, perfidy of enemies, unbearable lightness of being, Lawrence of Arabia, naysaying of naysayers, duty now for the future, etc.
- [ ] Folksy homily, uplifting message, other Reagan-style cadence suggesting that America, despite struggles in these perilous times, is ascendant with flag flying high.
- [ ] Make weird face, scratch ass, walk offstage with hand already extended for tumbler of bourbon, or otherwise provide impression that President has already moved on in consciousness, pushing the speech and all its words into the bin of memory.
* Seriously, if you imagine yourself as Frum, the reason to make such a ‘suggestion’ the day before a long-planned speech is that you already know it’s going to be a disappointment, and you want to be on the record ahead of time saying how you — a former Bush speechwriter — would’ve done it differently. I’d bet a pint of ice cream on that (any flavor).
Update:
maddie said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:49Interestingly, on NPR this morning they said that the President had planned on making his speech from the Map Room, but it has now been switched to the Library.
Guess the laser pointer rehearsals didn’t go so well.
Wow. Maybe Frum really is tawdry enough to use an embargoed copy of the speech to publish phony ‘suggestions.’
Roxanne said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:14
So, he won’t be mentioning Osama bin Laden then?
les said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:15
I hadn’t planned on listening to His Irrelevancy; but now, checklist in hand, I will have to do it.
Roger said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:15
Ha. The guy can hardly speak in complete sentences, and they want him to use a laser pointer to identify Iraqi cities? While speaking?
Otto Man said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:20
Ha. The guy can hardly speak in complete sentences, and they want him to use a laser pointer to identify Iraqi cities? While speaking?
That was my reaction, too. I’d be surprised if he didn’t end up blinding himself with the laserpointer and ordering the Air Force to initiate a surgical strike against Tehran in retaliation.
Frum might as well have suggested that Bush begin his speech with an extemporaneous exposition on the lesser works of Aristophanes. In classical Greek.
darrelplant said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:20
My thought wasn’t that Frum had some sort of inside scoop but that he had to be on crack. He has, after all, worked fairly closely with George W. Bush. Just how deluded do you have to be to think he could pull off a version of the Saturday Night Live Ronald Reagan sketch?
Col. Klink said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:21
“Roger said” – exactly what I’m thinking!
Please, Preznit would screw everything up. He’d point to the wrong damn country and call it Iraq. We’d have troops in Ottawa by morning with maps of the Anbar province.
Ann Althouse said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:23
“This is Baghdadistan, where the Sunniites are fighting the Shanias. They get their support from Iran, which is to the West, and Syriana, which is to the East. These are evildoers, who are doingg evil. And al Qaeda. And stuff.”
Yeah, I think that’s exactly what the Preznit should do.
Roxanne said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:25
They need to bring in that lifelike digitized Gollum from LOTR’s to do it.
Col. Klink said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:28
Preznit might actually make it through the speech if he had one of those huge Fisher-Price multicolor maps. “You see, Iraq is pink, and that’s bad. Means they support the gay agenda.”
Lesley said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:29
El Presidente will need surgery to wipe that smirk off his face.
(Frum’s mother Barbara must roll in her grave a lot.)
James Dobbins was on CBC radio this morning promoting more troops and an expansion of the Iraq war (good vs evil) to include Iran, Latin America (??!!) and every other place that doesn’t like the US.
DickLimpyTM said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:31
Gavin is still a motherfucking motherfucker.
You know, for, uh, letting other people on the intertubes use my venerable name to say bad and naughty things. Oh, and because he doesn’t respect the incredibly sexy and nubile annie angel, (NOT an old washed up hag) who also can claim to be a Christian on one hand, yet act like a complete and total slut with a potty mouth.
Fuckity Fucking Fuck.
Ugh said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:36
[ ] Mention the terrorist attacks on 9/11. Continue to insert “the” between “September” and “eleventh” for no known earthly reason.
Grampaw said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:38
Say, Gav, do you think you could maybe whittle this down a bit, maybe to only those items which can be easily assessed on the fly?
I mean, I’m pretty sure I can still handle a dozen shots in a half hour, but I’d rather not make this thing into more of a test of manhood than it has to be, you know?
Steve said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:40
Geraldo Rivera did it first and better.
Seanly said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:42
[ ] President walks out with features pre-composed into the serious-and-earnest expression.
Does that include his patented “I’ve Got Spurs That Jingle Jangle Jingle” cowboy saunter? We saw Jim Cary do that walk in “Dumb & Dumber” (where he’s wearing the cowboy jacket, hat & tasseled gloves). Hmmm, maybe Bush should wear that outfit or the orange tux & tophat…
I seriously doubt he’ll be in a friggin’ map room pointing out specific things about his plan. It’ll be as bad as we can imagine… bourbon dribbling down his chin as his beady eyes dart too & fro.
I haven’t seen anyone comment on how bad the leaked details are. Five brigades over several months? So basically, an extra brigade in Baghdad once a month. They’ll probably achieve it by just extending tours as it’s already common knowledge that the Army only has about 9000 extra troops they could send to Iraq.
Maybe Bush will surprise everyone & say that the Selective Service letters were sent out on Monday. Have a nice MLK day & then report for service, kids!
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:46
Frum the Horse’s mouth?
Gavin, are you sure you know which way that horsey is pointed?
maddie said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:49
Interestingly, on NPR this morning they said that the President had planned on making his speech from the Map Room, but it has now been switched to the Library.
Guess the laser pointer rehearsals didn’t go so well.
Roxanne said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:51
Maybe he can get an assist from Colonel Mustard then.
Some Guy said,
January 10, 2007 at 21:56
Don’t forget no less the two (2) American flags in the back drop and, availability and schedule permitting, more props, (oops, soldiers) then when landed on Omaha.
I would actually LOVE to see someone hand Bush a laser pointer for him to use on live National TV. Tonight’s Daily Show would write itself.
mikey said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:02
More combat troops. For Counterinsurgency. In a fucking metropolis full of civilians. No enemy army. No massed forces. No armor, no air, nothing heavier than RPGs and mortars. You’ll notice how well over a hundred thousand regular troops, along with armor and supporting arms and air have been doing so far. This is so mind-bendingly stupid it’s almost impossible to say.
They are insurgents and militias. They are among the population. They look like everyone else. The people know they are there, and are assisting them. The only thing combat forces can do is combat. They can break things and hurt people. That’s going END the violence? Seems to me it’s going to rachet it up…
mikey
Jon (in Toronto) said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:13
(David is in fact a native of Toronto, Canada.)
Argh, stop reminding people of that!
DUDACKATTACK!!! said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:14
Pity the poor sap who has to prepare the teleprompter:
“Fallooh-juh”, “Hah-Deeth-ah”, “Bih ‘ Talian”, “Arr-Mee” “Sack-Rif-ICE”…
J— said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:15
Tie color: troop-surge red.
the_millionaire_lebowski said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:19
Quoth DickLimpyTM:
More Canadians!
Edmund Schluessel said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:22
You see a checklist, I see a drinking game where America wins.
Spokane Moderate said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:23
Gavin, are you sure you know which way that horsey is pointed?
City slickers…
Eric B. said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:25
Isn’t this the same gang of idiots who constantly leap all over our own media for “giving away details and plans that could help the enemy?”
cd6 said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:42
He can explain troop movements all he wants, as long as he doesn’t identify Dick Cheney’s mailbox in a photo.
Gavin M. said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:42
Eek, I almost forgot ‘sacrifice’…
[added]
RSA said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:43
Have the president stand between them with a laser pointer.
. . .to demonstrate his command of technology.
teh l4m3 said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:45
Minor nitpick @ Frum (where???):
…to assure the American people that their commander-in-chief…
Um, sorry asshole, last time I checked this was not a military dictatorship — READ YOUR CONSTITUTION! His office makes him the Commander-in-Chief of the Army and Navy.
Dumbass.
Snag said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:51
Detail, detail, detail – to assure the American people that their commander-in-chief has thought this plan through and has reason to believe that it can and will work.
No doubt that’s exactly how it’s been done. Except when the lid on his sippy cup came off and he spilled all over Sadr City.
tigrismus said,
January 10, 2007 at 22:58
Man, I *so* wish he’d take Frum’s advice… I’ve received a hazy vision of that possible future.
HemlockEcho said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:00
Give Bush a laser pointer? That’s bound to fail. He’d start chasing around the red spot and trying to pick it up with his hand.
tb said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:07
Please stop laughing. Do you know how many accidental self-blindings there are a year with these things? Probably hundreds. Nobody wants to see him say “Hello, I’m George W. Bush”, immediately blind himself with the thing and go stumbling around the set bent over at the waist clutching his eyes going “oh goddamn- howlee sheeyit” before the technical difficulties sign comes up.
Gregory said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:09
Then he can explain the new plan: Where the extra troops would go, what they would do, where the new checkpoints would be placed, how the city would be cleared, how it would be held.
Great googly moogly — did Frumslfeld really advocate that Bush detail where American troops would be deployed — to counter an insurgency — in advance?!?!
This has to be CYA. Frum must be able to smell the stench of failure already.
FlipYrWhig said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:20
darrelplant: Just how deluded do you have to be to think he could pull off a version of the Saturday Night Live Ronald Reagan sketch?
That was exactly what I thought of, too. “This is the part of the job I hate.”
Some Guy said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:23
” Isn’t this the same gang of idiots who constantly leap all over our own media for “giving away details and plans that could help the enemy?â€? ”
Well, DUH. Cause the media would then REPORT and BROADCAST that information that Bush said.
“Please stop laughing. Do you know how many accidental self-blindings there are a year with these things? Probably hundreds. Nobody wants to see him say “Hello, I’m George W. Bushâ€?, immediately blind himself with the thing and go stumbling around the set bent over at the waist clutching his eyes going “oh goddamn- howlee sheeyitâ€? before the technical difficulties sign comes up.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VupfhntnW0g Everyone’s thinking it, I’m just linking it.
Dave said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:24
[ ] Issue “challenge” or “call upon” Congress to fund escalation in a bipartisan manner (perhaps following a bipartisan debate!) and stop being so obstructionist. Remind “some in the Democrat party” that their sympathies must be demonstrated to lie with the
executive branchAmerican people.Sammy said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:30
“This is Baghdadistan, where the Sunniites are fighting the Shanias. They get their support from Iran, which is to the West, and Syriana, which is to the East. These are evildoers, who are doingg evil. And al Qaeda. And stuff.�
And to think this whole catastrophe could have been averted if we’d just stop pushing tuna fish sandwiches on them.
R.Porrofatto said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:31
And he could say stuff like this:
A majority of the American people, a majority of you listening to me, are for the withdrawal of our forces.
A majority of the American people want to end this war rather than to have it drag on interminably. The action I have taken tonight will serve that purpose.
A majority of the American people want to keep the casualties of our brave men at an absolute minimum. The action I take tonight is essential if we are to accomplish that goal.
We take this action not for the purpose of expanding the war but for the purpose of ending the war and winning the just peace we all desire.
(Repurposed from an earlier speech that also had lots of map-pointing. I just took out the words “Vietnam” and “Cambodia.”)
Apprentice to Darth Holden said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:34
“Nobody wants to see him say “Hello, I’m George W. Bushâ€?, immediately blind himself with the thing and go stumbling around the set bent over at the waist clutching his eyes going “oh goddamn- howlee sheeyitâ€? before the technical difficulties sign comes up.â€?
Speak for yourself.
Sammy said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:38
(Whoops. Hit submit too early.)
Seriously, though? I’ll give long-shot odds that this is Frum’s chance to distance himself from W. The preznit won’t do it the way he wants, and so Frum will get to say, “Well, nice try W, but you blew that. I still think you’re the Bestest Preznit Ever, but I no longer think you can pull us out of this / get approval for funding from Congress / whatever.”
ironicname said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:41
Nobody wants to see him say “Hello, I’m George W. Bush�, immediately blind himself with the thing and go stumbling around the set bent over at the waist clutching his eyes going “oh goddamn- howlee sheeyit� before the technical difficulties sign comes up.
Actually, I’d really like to see that.
Bill said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:43
Do they make a laser-pointer shaped like a shark with the frickin
laser strapped to its head? Cuz if he used one of those I might actually listen.
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:44
DRINK!
Gary Ruppert said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:47
I think this speech will be a phenominal success, because Bush is going to offer a messege of hope and victory and an actual plan. While Democrats are defeatists who talk about doom, but have no plan to win the war in Iraq.
Bush has to make the line between his plan and what the defeatocrats offer clear. He’s speaking for a silent majority in America.
Bush needs to fight back against the media and their lies against the War. He needs to mention how all the Democrats thought Iraq had WMDs and was a threat, and how Iraq was a clear threat.
The Utter Dregs said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:48
Nice checklist, but with just a little more effort it COULD have been a drinking game.
I will have my own tumbler of bourbon close at hand.
Gary Ruppert said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:49
As well, if the Democrats seriously hold anti-troop votes, then they will show themselves to be off in the anti-war fringe that will doom them in 2008.
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:50
So Gary, what has Bush been up to the LAST four years?
Why wait so long to come up with a plan?
I’m calling fake gary.
floopmeister said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:50
(David is in fact a native of Toronto, Canada.)
Argh, stop reminding people of that!
Stop your whinging. If we have to put up with claiming Murdoch, Mel Gibson and Steve f’ing Irwin then you canucks have deal with one lame ass neocon clown…
;)
Woodrowfan said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:51
looks like Gary has the Astroglide bottle and keenix box already to go…
floopmeister said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:52
He’s speaking for a silent majority in America.
No, he’s speaking for a silent majority in his head.
Gary Ruppert said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:54
As for the Congress, the Democrats are preparing to ram their anti-business minimum wage hike though the House, which will devastate the economy.
In fact, we would be better off as a country if there was no minimum wage.
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:56
floopmeister, Adam Yoshida. Heh. Indeed!
DUDACKATTACK!!! said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:57
Tonights drinking game criteria:
“Sacrifice” = One swig of preferred alcoholic beverage
word stumble = One swig of preferred alcoholic beverage ( X 2 if word is of foreign origin)
“Mistake” = Drink entire contents of preferred alcoholic beverage
# of years for proposed military plan = # of Shots (Patron or Stoli recommended )
“Apologize” = entire contents + one shot
“Draft” = Drink all alcoholic beverages available
Some Guy said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:59
You know, I think Gary is one more slap-in-the-face disappointment in Big Daddy Bush before he just gives up and goes full-time into the “fetal position whilst crying” business.
Which is almost as funny as BUsh blinding himself with a laser pointer while trying to find Lake Titicaca.
merciless said,
January 10, 2007 at 23:59
President pauses with facial expression intended to suggest concern and determination, but instead looks just like before except slightly annoyed or startled.
Actually, I think it’s gas.
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:01
History of minimum wage increases.
I can’t understand why we’re not living in a Post MadMaxalyptic world, right now.
Seitz said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:07
He’s speaking for a silent majority in America.
And apparently a non-voting one. Why do Republicans hate democracy?
tigrismus said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:09
Gary, if the minimum wage is ever repealed, I’ll adopt you from the Wingnut Children’s Fund(or does the BBB recommend Save the Wingnuts instead?), so don’t worry!
Do tell us more about how an “anti-troop” vote, as defined by the we-wish-he-would-be-silent majority consisting of you, will hand the next election to the Republicans on a silver platter, just like Kerry did this November. Are you predicting another sweep?
ImJohnGalt said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:10
Yeah, well, that there anti-troll script you’re running was written by a native of Toronto, Canada, so I think that makes my city karma neutral.
liberalrob said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:15
Expecting this President to have the actual command of information to actually point out locations on a map, never mind specifying individual units and their missions, is completely laughable. This President doesn’t do details.
Otto Man said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:22
He’s speaking for a silent majority in America.
Seriously, Gary, we’re on to your fake-troll game. No one is really that stupid.
Hobbs Land Gods said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:23
He’s speaking for a silent majority in America.
You mean the cockroaches?
Nobody wants to see him say “Hello, I’m George W. Bush”, immediately blind himself with the thing and go stumbling around the set bent over at the waist clutching his eyes going “oh goddamn- howlee sheeyit” before the technical difficulties sign comes up.
I’d give my firstborn to see that.
Hobbs Land Gods said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:25
floopmeister, don’t forget bloody brave bloody Bindi bloody Irwin, who’s apparently destined for a marvellous career in show biz because her daddy was terminally stupid.
tb said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:25
You’re saying it would give you pleasure to see Bush groping around on national TV going “Mah ah! Mah ah! Aw, FUCK ‘at herts!” with his ass to the camera?
mikey said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:42
I think this speech will be a phenominal success
Jeez, with Gary’s perfect track record of predicting political outcomes, if Rove gets word of this tonights speech will be suddenly canceled without explanation.
Bush is going to offer a messege of hope and victory and an actual plan.
Sounds to me awful close to admitting that four years into a major miliatry conflict of bush’s choosing, and only now will there be an “actual plan”.
While Democrats are defeatists who talk about doom, but have no plan to win the war in Iraq.
Ok, now that’s just silly. Democrats were not in power in ’03 when REPUBLICANS started this war. The republicans are still in control of the executive branch, which means the prosecution of the war is up to them. The Democrats would be happy to offer a plan if you can find anybody at 1600 who would listen.
And by the way, even the generals agree that there will be no “winning” the war in Iraq by military means…
mikey
Al F said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:44
Iraq is a diversion. As the army attacks Iraq, the US gov’t erodes rights at home by suspending habeas corpus, opening mail, stealing private lands, banning books like “America Deceived” from Amazon, rigging elections, conducting warrantless wiretaps and starting 2 illegal wars based on lies. Soon, another US false-flag operation will occur (sinking of an Aircraft Carrier by Mossad) and the US will invade Iran, (on behalf of Israel).
Final link (before Google Books bends to gov’t demands and censors the title):
America Deceived (book)
Ripley said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:44
because Bush is going to offer a messege of hope and victory and an actual plan
Which the Iraqis can use to power their air conditioners, fuel their cars, cook their many, many foodstuffs in, bathe in and ward off errant bullets which fall from the sky after evil American liberals shoot their pistolas into the air and cry “Hiyeeeeee! Viva la Mamasita Grande Pelosi!!” just before they take Americans’ guns and profits away, and reveal that the gov’t watches people.
Also, I thought we were going with the Kiegel plan, no? Was there a memo? Did I miss a meeting?
JK47 said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:44
This is vintage Gary today. The clipped tone, the Baghdad Bob-style grandiosity, the bold predictions of a Republican-dominated future… he’s got it all going. He’s at the top of his game.
He’s like the Andy Kaufman of blog trolls. Is Gary “real” or is he parody? I don’t know which would be more disturbing.
kingubu said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:50
I see that Olbermann and Tweety will be covering the speech for MSNBC. Perhaps Keith will do the right thing for America and have his staff merge in Yakety Sax under Der Fratboy’s lame attempts to make Stay The Course 3.1 seem like a new policy.
billy pilgrim said,
January 11, 2007 at 0:52
I’m a business owner.
Gary Ruppert is not.
I support raising the minimum wage.
Discussion over.
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:01
Gary told he is a real estate tycoon. Also, he has a spiritual and intellectual twin in the Washington Post comments section:
The Article is ignorant nonsense because the real reason that the Democrats won is the unprincipled bias of the stupid Democrat Media as represented by the stooges who write for the Wash Post with their slanted coverage of the Allen Webb race proof of their devotion to Democrats and corruption of the 1st Amendment.
By Max Rugemer | Dec 9, 2006 8:27:08 AM | Request Removal
Bloggofascist said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:05
“Nobody wants to see him say “Hello, I’m George W. Bush�, immediately blind himself with the thing and go stumbling around the set bent over at the waist clutching his eyes going “oh goddamn- howlee sheeyit� before the technical difficulties sign comes up.�
Oh yes I do! Because afterwards, we would be treated to the joy of watching the wingers /defend/ this presentation as true leadership, and berating liberals for not compassionately offering condolences for a tragic accident that could befall anyone, instead of rolling of the floor wetting ourselves with uncontrollable laughter.
I think half of them would feel compelled to blind themselves with a laser pointer just to show how easy a mistake it is to make.
Then we would be informed how the manufacturer was a liberal, and how the liberal media didn’t cut away before he stumbled into the mapboard and pulled it down on top of him, and that Hillary Clinton smirked a little when it happened, and how noticing any of this is very demeaning to the office of the president.
J— said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:07
The first fact is, nominations for the 2006 Koufax Awards are now open. The second fact is, the choice is clear for commenter of the year: Gary Ruppert!
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:14
That calls for a link, J. I was looking for the Mexican Gary, though.
Righteous Bubba said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:22
Word of the day: helminthemesis.
The vomiting of intestinal worms.
Just thought you’d like to know. It deserves greater currency.
J— said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:22
Are you referring to this one, Brad’s grand unifying theory of Gary Ruppert?
pablo said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:24
Your checklist should have at least one invocation of “the lessons of 9/11″ somewhere on it.
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:25
Yes, that’s teh pic! I guess Gary sneaked right back across the border.
sister mary martha said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:26
Standing between maps? Talk AND point to things? I wasn’t going to watch but that could be very entertaining.
Here at the convent we watch CNN to decide what to pray for.
Realist said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:32
Then he can explain the new plan: Where the extra troops would go, what they would do, where the new checkpoints would be placed, how the city would be cleared, how it would be held.
Great idea! That way the insurgents can be ready to blast the shit out of them before they even get there.
Anybody out there still wondering why we’re losing so badly in Iraq, given the braintrust running things these days?
Sonic said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:39
Word of the day is Hexakosioihexekontahexaphobiac.
Look it up!
Gentlewoman said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:44
I’m not going to listen to Teh Speech (because I can’t listen to the Preznit without wanting to hurl things at the telly), but if there’s going to be laser-pointing, I’m definitely watching with the sound off. Unfortunately, this will make checklisting and the corresponding drinking impossible. The bestest birthday pressie possible for me would be a laser-pointer-related Incident. Thank you in advance.
Election Night was great with the sound off, btw. You could see the Tweety meltdown even without having to hear what he was saying. Good times.
mikey said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:47
After reading Gary, I became convinced that the word of the day is Coprophagia…
mikey
Cur said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:57
I have been thinking, instead of escalating the troop level in Baghdad by 20,000, the president should send 20,000 Trooper and Escalades down the Baghdad strip. You know all white with gold tim and 20″ rims.
Like that Slim Shady thing on the MTV awards. The Eminem clones just keep rolling in. That would fuck em up.
Gentlewoman said,
January 11, 2007 at 1:57
Geez, mikey, some of us are having dinner. Glad to see Gary’s back from Mexico, though.
kingubu said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:00
Via today’s Froomkin we see this:
Bush is escalating the war, not because its the smart thing to do, not because its what’s best for the country, or those already serving overseas, but because it lets him “look tough” and give the impression that he’s not doing what Daddy’s friends told him to do.
So there’s your Dear Leader’s Glorious Plan for Victory, Ruppert, you despicable authoritarian assmuncher: Governance by spite.
Smiling Mortician said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:09
You’re saying it would give you pleasure to see Bush groping around on national TV going “Mah ah! Mah ah! Aw, FUCK ‘at herts!� with his ass to the camera?
Um, yeah. Why? Is it just me?
Also, in re: moral majority — I tried to come up with a Nixonian drinking game (a swig every time the codpiece in chief channels Dick) but after reading Dudackattack’s gaming criteria, I’m thinking any Milhous allusions will require the player to raise the stakes from alcohol to hallucinogens.
katie schwartz of course said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:10
well, I don’t know about you all, but my vulva lips are just twitching with anticipation about tonight’s debacle.
the most heartbreaking aspect of this is the additional lives that will have to be lost in order for the democrats to win back the presidency in the next election.
ps: do we know when mccain started bottoming for bush in this particular fashion? I thought his hard-on began and ended at killing freedom of speech, no? I guess that wasn’t enough for him. humans? censorship? I can see his conundrum.
ironicname said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:17
You’re saying it would give you pleasure to see Bush groping around on national TV going “Mah ah! Mah ah! Aw, FUCK ‘at herts!� with his ass to the camera?
I know, you’re thinking “how is that different from his last few speaches?”
But I really would like to see that. It be even better if he gouged out one of his eyes and the speach became some sort of Peckinpah cum Python farce.
I know, you’re asking yourself “how is that different from normal US politics the last six years?”
ironicname said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:19
sorry, that would be “speech” and “speeches”
Alton brown did peaches on good eats last night – they stuck.
marc said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:24
“Nobody wants to see him say “Hello, I’m George W. Bush�, immediately blind himself with the thing and go stumbling around the set bent over at the waist clutching his eyes going “oh goddamn- howlee sheeyit� before the technical difficulties sign comes up.�
If that happened i’d (almost) admit there was a jeebus after all.
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:27
What time is the Escalation Proclamationâ„¢?
kingubu said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:29
9pm Eastern, (6 Pacific)
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:31
Hanx!
ifthethunderdontgetya³² said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:39
New Rule!
If Bush utters the phrase, “There will be no surrender ceremony on the deck of a battleship“,
the entire nation must eat some magic shrooms.
billy pilgrim said,
January 11, 2007 at 2:59
Sorry-
I have to miss the Magic of another Presidnitial Mis-Speech in order to work on a reverese hook kick board break with my Sa Bum Nim.
ImJohnGalt said,
January 11, 2007 at 3:02
Isn’t that where we clench that muscle that stops us from peeing, just so we’ll have more intense orgasms?
Smiling Mortician said,
January 11, 2007 at 3:03
I’ll say this, billy pilgrim — that beats hell out of “dog ate my flash drive.”
John Owens said,
January 11, 2007 at 3:10
Frum scrawled:
Hey Gary, does that sound at all like micro-managing to you? Much more so than basic questions of leaving them there or not? Didn’t you have something to say about micro-managing?
J— said,
January 11, 2007 at 3:59
I thought it was the Daryn Kagan Plan–to tell stories that make the heart go, “ZING!”
caveman said,
January 11, 2007 at 4:12
RUN RUN..lets run from terrorist…siggh
Pilar Cruz said,
January 11, 2007 at 4:28
That checklist looks like a possible list for a drinking game.
Mccs1977 - » He who shall not be named, speaks… said,
January 11, 2007 at 4:58
[...] Checklist in place. [...]
bronco214 said,
January 11, 2007 at 5:42
[ ] President pauses with facial expression intended to suggest concern and determination, but instead looks just like before except slightly annoyed or startled.
This look is similar to what crosses the face of a 4-month old child that is crapping their pants.
tb said,
January 11, 2007 at 5:42
Yeah, it’s basically what he did in the ‘you forgot Poland’ debate. And the ‘want some wood?’ debate. And the ‘what about t’pig’ press conference. And I’m sure many others my mind has mercifully blotted from memory.
thepoliticalcat said,
January 11, 2007 at 7:26
Not to be mean or anything, but you might want to retitle this post. I think you have the wrong end of the horse.
Sadly, No! » Whoah, Nelly said,
January 11, 2007 at 7:28
[...] Gavin adds: Oh god, the pantomime. Michael Ledeen cannot for a moment believe that the White House rewrote a major speech at the last moment because David Frum posted some ’suggestions’ on a blog. What an unbelievable bunch of whooping liars. it sounded like our soldiers will get Rules of Engagement that haven’t been neutered, that are not PC, but ROEs that are appropriate to winning a war rather than avoiding casualties. Maybe… Posted at 11:10 PM [...]
meallen said,
January 11, 2007 at 12:22
georgie would most likely blind himself with a laser pointer, hence the location change.