29
Howard Roarke On Steroids
You know Al Jaffee’s back-of-the-book ‘fold-ins’ for Mad Magazine? Well, if he ever was to do one that asked “Who is the looniest loon in the Wingnutosphere?�, when you folded the page to connect the little ‘A’s’ to the little ‘B’s’, the face starting back at you would most assuredly be that of Pamela Oshry.
Gavin adds: Oh, we have one of those.
But running a close second would be Warrior.
When we last heard from Warrior, a.k.a. the Ultimate Warrior, né Bryan Barry James Hellwig, he was putting homosexuality in a submission hold and penning the single most moronic passage in the history of the English language:
“Foke� is my - a warrior’s - term for intense concentration, extreme undivided attention. Humanity [collectively] calls it focus. To me, the ‘us’ in foc[us] connotes ‘we’; a collective, a group. I don’t accept that. I do not find it inspiring. I changed the spelling (its meaning, to me) to suit myself, to use as a self-motivational cue embodying the fact that ‘Life is Lone.’ I am - as each of us truly are - in charge and control of myself. In my mind during those bouts of intense concentration, extreme undivided attention I motivate myself with: “Take care of you and yours, Warrior. Find your Foke.�
Um, okay. We weren’t aware that the roughly 7.65 billion native speakers of non-English languages ‘collectively’ call that particular mental state ‘focus’ … but whatever. We think Warrior should take his Warrior’s Machete to more ‘collectivist’ words. ‘Weekend’ would become ‘ekend’. ‘Sour’ would become ‘Smine’. ‘August’ would become ‘Augt’. Etc. etc.
This would be teh awesome. Then we could translate the preamble to the U.S. Constitution into Warrior-speak:
I, Warrior of the Mnited Etates, in order to Foke a more perfect O.W.N., establish j’metice, insure domestic destrucity, prov for the individual defense, prome the private welf, and secure the blessings of liberty to myselves and my posterity, do ord and estab this PROstitution for the Mnited Etates of aMErica.
Sadly, much of Warrior’s most idiotic commentary has been lost with the creation of his snazzy new website, though some of it can be found archived here. More promising is that the new site features a blog, where he recently commented on the Ted Haggard story:
A Haggard castration and crosshanging would do the trick. It would keep me pumped for months.
It’s not enough punishment that this pervert has been ousted. He should be castrated and then nailed to a cross in his own church this next Sunday morning. Anybody who truly believed in a Creator would want this, too.
Especially if you believe in an omni-benevolent Creator, we would hasten to add. You know, the kind who just loves castrations and cross-hangings and sadistic ex-wrestlers.
Gavin adds: Praise Jesme.
The self-proclaimed ‘Founding Father of Life Intensity’ also offers a rambling, incoherent mess he calls ‘Full Blown Commentary’, the operative word being ‘Blown’. A sample:
My daughter Indy asked me when she just under two, “Daddy, what is evil?� Never not surprised over the last couple of months prior to this by the profound questions her little bitty tininess was regularly coming up with, I gave her the simple answer, maybe the best one. I said, “Indy, evil means bad. Something that is really, really bad.� And so it is. It is that simple. And so it always will be. Evil is something bad. Really bad.
snip
Bush busted the budget, sure. He let campaign finance fly by, and that education blunder, “No Child Left Behind,� and many other non-conservative political issues, there, inside DC. But that he didn’t stand up and bust some anti-American ass with righteous patriotic boasting about the verifiable greatness of this country and its citizens, to beat back the onslaught of p/c and moral relativity, is what cost all of us Americans the most.
So there you have it folks. The raw smackdown from Warrior. Evil is bad. And Bush’s greatest failing is that he doesn’t brag about America enough.
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 29, 2006 at 6:13
I’m in awe. And shock!
P.S. Teh shrieking harpy!11!
mdhatter said,
December 29, 2006 at 6:26
D. Aristophanes!? did somebody -bradr. i am looking at you- get drunk and leave the keys out again?
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 29, 2006 at 6:45
I hope reality just laid back and enjoyed it. Or thought of England, at least.
Hubert Davis said,
December 29, 2006 at 6:51
‘Sour’ would become ‘Smine’.
That’s the best line I’ve ever read here.
My eyes have been opened. Now I just need to find the time to translate some classic Riehl into Warrior Speak.
MrWonderful said,
December 29, 2006 at 7:08
Humanity calls it “porous,” which means full of little holes, or “pores.” But the “us” connotes a collectivity which I FUCKING CATEGORICALLY REJECT AS BEING BOGUS.
So I–a Warrior–call it “por-me,” which sounds like “poor me,” which I CATEGORICALLY REJECT AS BEING BOGUS.
Because I am NOT poor. (Am I getting this right?) I am RICH in ME. So when I encounter something with little holes, I call it POOR THEM. So I say, e.g, “the liner of my little daughter’s Pampers is POOR THEM.” And not bogus, needless to say.
What?
a different brad said,
December 29, 2006 at 7:15
This is a serious threat to Pam’s throne. She needs a new doctor with fewer morals and a real curiosity as to what random combinations of random psychoactive substances will do to a woman in the full throes of menopause. Think of the benefits to science. The warrior presumably has had the aid of steroids to get so amazingly, awesomely batshit.
Shit, even Fred Phelps would at least pause before endorsing that (admittedly creative) punishment for Haggard.
Demogenes Aristophanes said,
December 29, 2006 at 7:18
Had to click on over to Pam’s place to see what she’s been up to … found this:
The Marines accused of the Haditha war crimes have no defense. So while OJ skipped and Tookie had all of Hollywood behind him, I say these Marines are innocent (until otherwise determined.) They need lawyers.
Uh, Pam? Tookie Williams was executed last Dec. 13. Maybe not the best example of high-profile defendants who escape punishment. You probably should go with Mumia - yes, a little cliched, but at least he’s still alive.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 29, 2006 at 7:19
But the “us� connotes a collectivity which I FUCKING CATEGORICALLY REJECT AS BEING BOGUS.
Not bog-us, though. “Boge.” Or make that “bogue”?
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 29, 2006 at 7:34
Ahem. Bogus? That would be “Bog-I”. Or Bog-Me, depending on the context (for instance, how many appletinis had teh shrieking harpy indulged in, before the Moustache showed up).
Lesley said,
December 29, 2006 at 7:46
Great godzillas. This warrior guy…how did he make his neck the size of redwood tree trunk? The steroids must be killing him.
I pity his kid and his next door neighbours.
Some Guy said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:04
The Marines accused of the Haditha war crimes have no defense. … They need lawyers.”
…How could they not have lawyers?
OJ had millions of dollars to spend. Tokie had psent his jail time writting anti-gang childrens books. It’s not like people rallied to them for no reason.
Demogenes Aristophanes said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:08
Some Guy - yeah, that’s just stupid. Of course they have lawyers. Pam is truly an idiot.
J— said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:08
I’m trying to foke on Ult Wa, but fold-out Pam distracts me with another glimpse into her wonderful world (emphasis in the original):
Bedtime at Pamela’s:
Pamela: (yelling) Goodnight, my loins.
Her loins: (yelling) Goodnight, Mom.
Pamela: (looking up): Goodnight, Marilyn.
Marilyn: (looking down) Goodnight, Pam.
Steve T. said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:23
Can it be that nobody has yet suggested that this dickwad go foke himself? Cummon, gang, you’re losing your edge.
Snag said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:28
This philosophizing is hard. Is it two legs good, four legs bad or the other way around?
Fuck it. I’m going to put someone in a stranglehold. Baby.
Lesley said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:32
Steve T. said, Can it be that nobody has yet suggested that this dickwad go foke himself?
Steve, it’s pretty obvious that he is foking himself and loving every minute.
craigie said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:38
I think I broke my laptop trying to fold the screen. You owe me a new one.
craigie said,
December 29, 2006 at 8:42
‘Sour’ would become ‘Smine’.
That’s the best line I’ve ever read here.
I thought so too, until I read
“Praise Jesme”
That is a comic singularity right there.
annieangel said,
December 29, 2006 at 9:26
All you ever do anymore is make fun of people who actually have opinions.
Wikipedia was right, it’s just ego stroking masturbation around here.
a different brad said,
December 29, 2006 at 10:08
I should apologize for making a menopause joke about Pam earlier. Menopause is something all women face eventually, and it’s not funny. Besides, she went through all that long ago, and is just her natural batshitty self now.
How’s that for wanking, princess?
Lesley said,
December 29, 2006 at 12:00
Menopause isn’t necessarily horrendous (as it’s often made to seem). Being rid of menstruation is a joy for women (seriously, who can’t wait to be done with that crap!) and many of us don’t have the hot flashes and mood swings that accompany the big change o’ life.
The Warrior on the other hand appears to be going through whoremonal hell. I’ll take menopause over what he’s got any day.
Jillian said,
December 29, 2006 at 12:11
So, do I understand correctly that the Ulti (”mate” is a rude term, after all) Warri (”or” implies doubt, something I’m sure he never has) thinks that crucifixion is the proper punishment for gay drug fiends?
But…..isn’t crucifixion how Jesus…….
And didn’t Peter even ask to be crucified upside down because he didn’t feel worthy to suffer the same death as Jesus?
Is he trying to tell us something about what his ideal of a personal savior would look like? Because I don’t think I want to hear it if he is.
celticgirl said,
December 29, 2006 at 12:39
Steve T: I got here a leetle late (I’m 8 hours ahead of y’all, so while you were having this party I was sleeping) but my very first reaction was this:
Hey Warrior: Foke you!
Man, those steriods catch up wth a vengeance, don’t they?
Canucklehead said,
December 29, 2006 at 13:58
Wow, reading the rants of this steroid inflated dimwit brought to mind another rant…
“Y’know, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can’t let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don’t cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspapaer of justice! Bad dog! Bad dog! And you don’t do it for money. No! You do it for love! You know, I’ve learned something this week… on justice and on friendship, there is no price. But there are established credit limits.�
OMG The Warrior is really the TICK !!
Some Guy said,
December 29, 2006 at 14:14
The Tick is one of the bestest comics ever. “And then he threw a chimeny at us!”
Good times.
Mike Nilsen said,
December 29, 2006 at 14:19
My daughter Indy asked me when she just under two, “Daddy, what is evil?�
“Indy, evil is parents who name their kids Indy.” You just know her middle name is ‘500′.
klyde said,
December 29, 2006 at 14:57
How do you folks stand reading this insanity every day?
BrooklynRaider said,
December 29, 2006 at 15:28
Wow:
“Our Mission: To think, act and believe through my own thoughts in a manner, alone and while interacting with all others, that convinces any eyes and ears upon me that each human life is to be made important and taken serious [cereal!] and that one should do in one’s lifetime that which will live forever.”
Our mission?
Eric B. said,
December 29, 2006 at 15:47
Don’t I know it, brother. I had a cup of gas station coffee yesterday, and it tasted like someone had steeped a dirty jockstrap in hot water, and added some kerosene for flavoring.
Man, that’s what I call evil.
John Jones said,
December 29, 2006 at 16:16
Warrior is bad, yes indeed.. But Deeandre’ Babydaddy is worse:
**** Where to find moonbats ****
Moonbats can be found wherever there are universities and colleges, in extremely gentrified urban areas and on the fringes of extreme wealth. Despite their rhetoric about diversity there will be a virtual absence of any minorities unless they are working food service jobs. They live in exclusive communities but they prefer to call them ‘progressive’. You’ll know you’re in one by the plethora of vintage clothing stores, music stores, healing arts scams, coffee shops and eateries that serve things like coos-coos and humus. Also look out for the ubiquitous zone signage. You know the type. This is a smoke free zone, nuclear free zone, hate free zone, etc, etc. Of course the dead give a away will be the streets teaming with adults, dressed like they are in junior high, riding alternative forms of transportation, all during adult working hours. You’re now in prime moonbat habitat, everyone “doing their own thing� unless of course that thing involves work.
Check out the rest. Honest to God, you can’t believe it until you see it.
Mad props for getting the Preview button to reappear.
celticgirl said,
December 29, 2006 at 16:22
OMG I LOVE THE TICK!!!!one!!eleven!
“Spoon!”
Little Wooden Boy said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:11
We all love the Tick. SPEAK!
Jason said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:13
“And so I say evil’s okay in my book, what about yours, and I say, yeah baby, yeah!”
Ex-Fed said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:16
Some time ago the Ultimate Warrior had one of his henchpersons
threaten the folks at Something Awful for mocking him
The results were fun:
[url=http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=2790]here.[/url]
Spokane Moderate said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:19
Are you sure the Ulti Warri is not a parody site? That’s got Jesme’s General written all over it.
Otto Man said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:25
That is some mighty fine photoshoppin’ there. Jaffee would be proud.
gordonsowner said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:39
everyone here beat me to it — the warrior is the republican ‘tick’. however, i also like jason quoting the mad bomber what bombs at midnight…
Gus said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:39
“And Bush’s greatest failing is that he doesn’t brag about America enough.”
Is that what that sentence is supposed to mean?
islmfaoscist said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:42
Then one day her little bitty tininess asked me, “Daddy, what is narcissism?”
And I gave I gave her the simple answer, maybe the best one. I said, “Sweetie, go ask that lying bitch you call your mother.”
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 29, 2006 at 17:55
Thanks for the link, Ex-Fed. That’s some funny shite!
Realist said,
December 29, 2006 at 18:11
Gavin - best Photoshopping EVAH!
Sounds to me like the Warrior took one too many of those “head into the turnbuckle” shots.
Sadly, much of Warrior’s most idiotic commentary has been lost
Here, let me fix that for you:
Fortunately, much of Warrior’s most idiotic commentary has been lost
Much better.
Ripley said,
December 29, 2006 at 18:18
Wow… that’s just a whole lot of Stupid, there.
You just know this guy spends a lot of time in front of the mirror, kissing his biceps and calling them ‘pythons’ or ‘guns’. And 10 to 1 says he wears a Speedo and spends his nites cleaning guns and polishing hunting knives.
NobodySpecial said,
December 29, 2006 at 19:06
All you ever do anymore is make fun of people who actually have opinions.
Wikipedia was right, it’s just ego stroking masturbation around here.
And you know just how to stroke it, baby. Yeah…just……liKE….THAT!!!!…..awww yeah…
Damn, I need a cigarette now.
TR said,
December 29, 2006 at 19:19
Wikipedia was right, it’s just ego stroking masturbation around here.
Citing Wikipedia for your authority. You were one of those people who used to start high school papers by citing the dictionary, weren’t you?
Hate Encrusted Eyes said,
December 29, 2006 at 19:36
Praise JESME the lord of all wingnuts.
TC said,
December 29, 2006 at 19:37
It’s necessarily “people with opinions’, aa.
It’s crazy people with stupid opinions.
They have the right to say stupid things, we have the right to mock them mercilessly.
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 29, 2006 at 19:56
I think it’s our patriotic duty to mock them mercilessly.
annieangel said,
December 29, 2006 at 20:28
I wasn’t talking to you idiots, I was talking to the idiots who run this blog.
They do nothing but bitch about the opinions of others. How pathetic! There is no original writing here, I mean, really.
Ben Domenech said,
December 29, 2006 at 20:50
The sandy beach reminded Harold of picnics. And the thought of picnics made him hungry. So he laid out a nice simple picnic lunch. There was nothing but pie. But there were all nine kinds of pie that Harold liked best. When Harold finished his picnic there was quite a lot left. He hated to see so much delicious pie go to waste. So Harold left a very hungry moose and a deserving porcupine to finish it up.
Dan Someone said,
December 29, 2006 at 20:57
the streets teaming with adults
to defeat Galactus!
Patkin said,
December 29, 2006 at 21:00
the streets teaming with adults
to defeat Galactus!
C’mon Dan, you know as well as I do that the only real way to defeat Galactus is to wait for the super-bendy guy to come up with a Deus Ex Machina before page 26 to drive Galactus off.
Those streets and adults are gonna get their cul-de-sacs and asses kicked without that.
Dorothy said,
December 29, 2006 at 21:08
A Haggard castration and crosshanging would do the trick. It would keep me pumped for months.
I had to read this three times to be sure I saw it right. Keep you pumped for months? Is the Ult Wart actually admitting he gets his rocks off on castrated men hanging naked for up to 2-3 days until they die? (I’m assuming here that Ult Wart knows the down and dirty details about crucifixion and how it was done–I suspect he’s memorized every bit of Passion Porn he can find.) Ew.
My daughter asked me, “Daddy, what is a tautology?â€? I gave her the simple answer, maybe the best one. I said, “Indy, a tautology is a statement that actually doesn’t mean anything, like when you define something by including that thing or it’s equivalent in the definition. So, if I say ‘Evil is something bad’, that’s a tautology. And tautologies are really, really stupid.â€?
And so it is. Ult Wart is that stupid. And so he always will be.
RodeoBob said,
December 29, 2006 at 21:27
“All you ever do anymore is make fun of people who actually have opinions.”
Oh Annie… no one here is “making fun of people who actually have opinions”.
We’re making fun of stupid people who have ignorant opinions. And we only make fun of those people when they publish/post those opinions in public in an attempt to sway others into believing said ignorant opinions.
Anne, have you ever heard the phrase “…will not dignify that with a response”?
To view an absurd position, and attempt to display the errors in reasoning, unsupported premises, and unfounded conclusions implies that the aforementioned position had some legitimacy to begin with.
When a “Christian” claims that anyone who believes in a Creator would want a homosexual crucified next to their own church, and makes this claim without irony or self-awareness, to do anything but mock that claim suggests that there is the tiniest scrap of legitimacy to the claim.
When Fox News anchor/commentators say back to back remarks that people comparing the current administration to the Nazis are traitors to America, and that they should be rounded up and put in “camps” until the end of the war, it is essential that intelligent people widely circulate those statements and ridicule them for the train-wreck of idiocy that they are. To do anything less, to remain silent and thus tacitly endorse such idiocy, or to treat such statements as seriously thought-out position, is an abducation of civic responsibility.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 29, 2006 at 21:31
Hey, this works a lot more for you all than mentioning that the top three candidates for your parties nomination include two liberal women and an extreme liberal abortion advocate who the media loves.
Hillary is an extreme liberal who is a reminder of the moral sewer that America was in as Clinton was President. A moral sewer that has led to a lot of problems today, but a moral sewer that we’re leaving due to the honest leadership of George W. Bush
John Edwards is an ambulance chasing millionaire lawyer who made his fortune leeching off of corporations and swindling juries into awarding excessive damages.
Barack Hussein Obama is someone who can’t tell the truth about his background or his fathers background. Obama has also used drugs, and is probably lying about how much he uses drugs. Obama will definately lie about the schools he attended in Indonesia, or his history with faith.
McCain v. The Swishy Fancy Boy Edwards = McCain wins big
McCain v. Hillary = McCain wins big
McCain v. Barack Hussein Obama = McCain wins big
My preferred candidate for 2008, Sam Brownback, would also crush Edwards, Hillary, and Obama.
The success of the last two years of the Bush presidency, combined with the complete failure of the Democrat Congress, will doom the Democrats in 2008.
The Democrats will only launch witch hunts in the next two years.
They might as well hire liberal Democrat Mike Nifong to make the case against Bush. After all, Nifong has a skill of making false cases against prominent people.
The fact is that the Democrats are doomed in 2008. They’ll lose the House, the Senate, and they won’t get the Presidency.
Gary Ruppert said,
December 29, 2006 at 21:34
Then again, Republicans could take the Senate back by declaring Tim Johnson unable to serve due to his health.
Johnson’s real health condition is being covered up by the left. He’s been in a coma for three weeks without any signs of recovery. In order for South Dakota to have full representation in the Senate, he should be replaced.
Patkin said,
December 29, 2006 at 21:36
Hey, this works a lot more for you all than mentioning that the top three candidates for your parties nomination include two liberal women and an extreme liberal abortion advocate who the media loves.
Hillary is an extreme liberal who is a reminder of the moral sewer that America was in as Clinton was President. A moral sewer that has led to a lot of problems today, but a moral sewer that we’re leaving due to the honest leadership of George W. Bush
John Edwards is an ambulance chasing millionaire lawyer who made his fortune leeching off of corporations and swindling juries into awarding excessive damages.
Barack Hussein Obama is someone who can’t tell the truth about his background or his fathers background. Obama has also used drugs, and is probably lying about how much he uses drugs. Obama will definately lie about the schools he attended in Indonesia, or his history with faith.
McCain v. The Swishy Fancy Boy Edwards = McCain wins big
McCain v. Hillary = McCain wins big
McCain v. Barack Hussein Obama = McCain wins big
My preferred candidate for 2008, Sam Brownback, would also crush Edwards, Hillary, and Obama.
The success of the last two years of the Bush presidency, combined with the complete failure of the Democrat Congress, will doom the Democrats in 2008.
The Democrats will only launch witch hunts in the next two years.
They might as well hire liberal Democrat Mike Nifong to make the case against Bush. After all, Nifong has a skill of making false cases against prominent people.
The fact is that the Democrats are doomed in 2008. They’ll lose the House, the Senate, and they won’t get the Presidency.
What?
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 29, 2006 at 21:50
1-800-USA-ARMY, Gary. And take AA with you.
a different brad said,
December 29, 2006 at 22:21
Hey Gary, why not just chant “NIGGERNIGGERNIGGER COMIN TO GETCHOOOOOOO” instead of trying to highlight Obama’s middle name? Same effect, but less subtle and less likely to be missed by your target droolers. Fat stupid and racist is no way to go through life, son.
Nancy in Detroit said,
December 29, 2006 at 22:23
‘Sour’ would become ‘Smine’.
Praise Jesme
And now we find out if it is possible to laugh oneself death. I’ll let you know (or not),
BrooklynRaider said,
December 29, 2006 at 22:25
I believe Gary.
He was, after all, exactly right about the 2006 elections.
Jillian said,
December 29, 2006 at 22:38
For someone who claims to be such a patriot, Gary, you show a somewhat surprising lack of familiarity with both the Constitution and U.S. history.
Senators cannot be removed from service due to incapacity. There’s no clause in the Constitution that permits it. Senators can be voted out of office, die, resign, or be impeached. That’s it. A living senator is still a senator, regardless of their health condition.
Examples of senators holding seats that they were too infirm to fulfill, while not plentiful, are easy enough to find. Some are even quite famous - Charles Sumner comes quickly to mind. His seat was vacant for over half his term while he recovered from the beating that Preston Brooks gave him.
Why are you trying to expand the powers of the government beyond what the Constitution legally gives to it? Why do you hate the will of the people so, Gary? Aren’t you a patriot? Aren’t you a good strict constructionist, like Antonin Scalia?
Why do you hate America, Gary?
a different brad said,
December 29, 2006 at 22:56
Gary and his kind hate America because it was founded in opposition to everything they believe and stand for. The tension between small minded loyalists who want leaders that do their thinking for them and those of us who’d rather continue to develop our society for the better helped cause the birth of this nation. And it’s a struggle that in many ways has defined our history since, depending on how you define loyalist. Whatever the realities of our nation, we were founded as an attempt to overcome the worst of our nature, and Gary and those he’s descended from have been trying to fuck it up ever since.
What I can’t comprehend is how the south both celebrates having been treasonous and at the same time acts as if it’s the only real America. Either they gotta admit America is sometimes wrong, or they gotta admit they’re still its enemy.
Jillian said,
December 29, 2006 at 23:02
Makes you wonder why they like a Yankee like Ralph Waldo Emerson so much, doesn’t it?
a different brad said,
December 29, 2006 at 23:03
I remember that somethingawful bit, and it makes me think SN! should give the Ult Wart some love in the weeks to come. It would make my day to have the chance to be threatened by good ole UW or his posse in a thread here, and giving him attention might well bring some in return.
TC said,
December 29, 2006 at 23:08
Gary, where did we hear all this before?
Oh yeah, all through 2006.
You must have been a-savin up them Drudge headers for days to be able to post a long one like that. I bet you’ll get a bonus this week.
TC said,
December 29, 2006 at 23:30
Oh, and Gary? Gare-bear? Not that any of your oh-so entertaining blather has any basis in reality, but the Edwards Ambulance chasing thing was beaten to death in the 2004 race. In reality (it’s not so bad here, Gary! C’mon in!) he’s won cases by defending Americans when soulless corporation hurt and kill them in ways that could have been prevented, like the case where a small pre-school girl was DISEMBOWELED by a whirpool….
Also, 2 Women? By my count, there’s two men and one woman in that list. C’mon, man, that kind of misogyny is below even you.
realchesherkat said,
December 29, 2006 at 23:45
My preferred candidate for 2008, Sam Brownback, would also crush Edwards, Hillary, and Obama.
This is possibly the funniest thing I have ever read on this blog.
Paul said,
December 29, 2006 at 23:50
Honestly, this is one of the greatest posts evar.
Kudos, boys, kudos.
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 29, 2006 at 23:57
Realchesherkat, Gary is rising to meet Pammy’s challenge.
Oh yeah, shrieking harpy? Well I say DOUBLE FUCK REALITY!1eleven!!
punkinsmom said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:04
Thank god Gary brought up the whole Hussein middle name thing. ‘Cause you know having that name immediately makes you a terrorist. I dated a guy named Pablo Escobar once. Until I realized he was a druglord.
Maybe Gary’s just a bit confused about what his name means.
Phoenician in a time of Romans said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:10
You just know this guy spends a lot of time in front of the mirror, kissing his biceps and calling them ‘pythons’ or ‘guns’. And 10 to 1 says he wears a Speedo and spends his nites cleaning guns and polishing hunting knives.
Hey, if he had more brains he’d be Todd from “Scrubs”.
Otto Man said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:14
Sam Brownback. Oh my God, I’m laughing so hard here I’m crying. The way Kansas Republicans are running away from the Brownback wing of the party and defecting to the Democratic Party there, Brownback would be lucky to carry his home state.
As for Clinton and Obama, Gary, those recent Newsweek polls showed Clinton beating McCain and Obama coming close. Keep dreaming.
On a serious note, Gary, how exactly are you able to access the internet with a straitjacket on? Do you type with a pencil between your teeth, or is there a friendly orderly at the Home for the Visually Unpleasant who lets you loose for a half-hour as a way to let your anger subside before naptime?
mikey said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:21
Gary, I keep telling you. Pay attention to where you’re posting. You can’t come to Sadly, No and scare us with the word Liberal. We ARE Liberals. We LIKE Liberals. You’re at Moonbat central telling us to run for our lives, the Democratic candidates are Liberals? You do that at Powerline, dork. Oh, and Hillary’s liberal like you’re liberal, do try to read the positions of the candidates before tying labels on them. Oh, and a potential president who used drugs? Kenedy did drugs in office, so did nixon. We haven’t had a president who didn’t used drugs in decades, any your guy bush II? Big party guy in school, you mighta read about it - oh, that’s right. You only read the fax machine.
Love the predictions, with your track record you’ve made me feel much better about ‘08 than I was. Thanks, Gary…
mikey
annieangel said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:28
LOL, so when the idiots on Atrios are saying that all Republicans should be lit on fire and killed and nice stuff……is that ok?????
Give me a break, you mock others becuase it’s all you can do.
I’m going to Crawford tomorrow, are YOU????
annieangel said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:28
And the fold in sucks. Did you even TRY????
Jillian said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:40
Well, I only like liberals *some* of the time, mikey. Lots of times they really make me sad.
But I like you guys a lot.
a different brad said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:47
Umm, no princess. We’re not going to Crawford. Why would we? Is there a protest of some kind? I’m not big on Cindy Sheehan.
TC said,
December 30, 2006 at 0:57
Girl, if you’re half as tough as you make out to be, enlist your damn ass and get over to Baghdad.
Going to Crawford? piffle. George Bush goes to Crawford when he’s scared. Might as well make blog comments about pie.
TR said,
December 30, 2006 at 1:48
I’m going to Crawford tomorrow, are YOU????
Uh, no. Why in God’s name would a sane person want to go to a small town in the middle of fucking nowhere?
I know Bush is busy hiding out there, pretending to clear brush so he doesn’t have to go honor President Ford’s memory, but then again, he’s not sane. And clearly, neither are you.
Marc said,
December 30, 2006 at 1:50
Give me a break, you mock others becuase it’s all you can do.
Well, that and win elections. How’s that been going for you lately, Annie?
NobodySpecial said,
December 30, 2006 at 2:51
Give me a break, you mock others becuase it’s all you can do.
Hey, baby, you didn’t act like this when you were busy stroking my ego.
g said,
December 30, 2006 at 3:28
What do you plan to do in Crawford, annie?
Capt. Trollypants said,
December 30, 2006 at 4:09
This bog is bogue.
annieangel said,
December 30, 2006 at 4:59
I plan to counter protest, DUH.
If you all really gave a fuck, you’d be there causing gridlock to show that you are more than mouth pieces. But you are nothing, you are all just great big nothings.
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:08
Annie, if you’re going to Crawford, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.
And don’t come back.
Seriously.
Gary, I warned you about the ferrets above in this thread. Now they’ve gone and bitten you, infecting your already feeble brain with rabies.
That foam isn’t leftover toothpaste, Gary.
Call EMS.
Wait, no. Call the Psychic Friends Hotline.
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:11
As SpongeBob so accurately exclaimed in the Jellyfishing episode:
“Everybody loves pie!!!”
Anonymous said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:17
Eek! I am unmasked!
g said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:19
Counter protest? What?
Sheehan got arrested, she’s not there. What a dumb fuck you are.
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:19
I’m so sorry, Gary. I warned you about the ferrets in the Limbuggery thread.
Don’t do that, Gary. The authorities frown on that kind of onanistic behavior when in the drive-thru at Taco Bell.
What’s that, you say? I suppose Reagan might have been that kinky and narcissistic, but that’s no excuse for you to do that to an 8X10 of Mann Coulter.
Boy o boy, 2007’s gonna be interesting.
Big Nothing said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:20
Why thanks, I think you’re pretty great as well.
g said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:27
If you all really gave a fuck, you’d be there causing gridlock to show that you are more than mouth pieces. But you are nothing, you are all just great big nothings.
Gave a fuck about what?
Seriously, annie. I don’t really care too much about Cindy Sheehan - her mission is personal, and not my mission. But as far as I can understand, her protest is intended to get Bush to talk to her and tell her why her son died.
So….why would you counter protest that? Do you think that we don’t need to know why Casey Sheehan died?
Is this what you’re spending your travel dollars for, to go on record as saying we don’t need accountability from our President?
As a matter of fact, what the fuck makes this worth your travel dollars?
Cindy Sheehan is making her very personal, kinda misguided, troublesome pestering demands of George Bush that he has ignored for years, and will continue to ignore - we all know this. So — why do you feel that this is the issue that motivates you?
I think I know the answer. It is because people like you worship George Bush so much that you get all irrational about someone like Cindy who publicly challenges him — however ineffective her challenge has proved to be. So you feel that this - the impertinent disrespect of your Idol - rather than important things, like war, injustice, Constitutional issues, the global position of the country, the principles of Democracy that brings you out to “counterprotest.”
You’re a fucking fool, annie. and so are all those who join you to “counterprotest” Cindy Sheehan.
Asshat.
annieangel said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:45
Who said anything about Sheehan you stupid motherfuckers????
annieangel said,
December 30, 2006 at 5:48
I mean, thank God she isn’t there, shes’ a numb fucking bitch who is just a tool of the radical feminist idiots. Plus, she ties up traffic. You people really need to think a bit before you mouth off.
It’s not about that dumb fuck, it is about all YOU dumb fucks. I am going to show the President that there are still decent, Christian, true Americans who trust in his plan to fix the middle east.
And you can stick that in your pipe and smoke it, if there is room in it you fucking druggies.
jade said,
December 30, 2006 at 8:03
We don’t appreciate you enough.
a different brad said,
December 30, 2006 at 8:16
You know, princess, most of us here aren’t former texas residents who, presumably, have friends and family there. That you’re there for the holidays doesn’t make you morally superior. I could go by ground zero new year’s, but, um, why?
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 30, 2006 at 14:10
AA, I could say you need a hug but you need so much more.
What’s it called again?
Oh, yeah. Thorazine.
I’m no fan of hers but Sheehan has more character in her pinky than you have in your entire body.
Which I shudder to think what shape might be in.
Colonel Cathcart said,
December 30, 2006 at 16:34
Evil, honey, is naming your child after the dog.
gruaud_larose said,
December 30, 2006 at 18:20
Annie’s been drinking again, I see.
g said,
December 30, 2006 at 20:18
I am going to show the President that there are still decent, Christian, true Americans who trust in his plan to fix the middle east.
You???
AHHAHAHAHAHA! That has got to be the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.
How you gonna do that, annie? Flash your tits at him? That’s about your style.
And how can you show trust in his plan when he hasn’t said what it is yet - or if he even has one?
Demogenes Aristophanes said,
December 31, 2006 at 0:03
Goddamit, I need a 100-comment thread.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 7:52
Well, Brad, I could have spent the day shopping. I could have spent the day refreshing Atrios threads. I could have spent the day doing nothing at all.
But then I wouldn’t have this cool new tshirt.
You really are being a dick. I started my trip in Toronto, went to lots of exciting places on the way here. Crawford isn’t exciting. But at least I WENT. And I talked to a sexy secret service man.
Enjoy your New Year’s Eve at ground zero. Enjoy dancing on graves you sick bastard.
Marq said,
December 31, 2006 at 7:56
OK, everybody, the way to recognize aa at the “counterprotest:” she’ll be the one in a mini-dress with the lobster-red, heavily-blistered legs. No word yet whether she’ll be wearing the “I Still Beeeeeeeeeeeeeelive!!1!” t-shirt or not.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 7:58
Oh and the plan is obvious. Get the middle east into a situation where all Hell breaks loose and Israel nukes Iran.
DUH.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 8:01
Actually you can’t get anywhere near the ranch thanks to that dumb fucking broad. I hope she rots in jail. She’s a looser and a joke.
I ate cheeseburgers with some locals. Yummy. :)
mikey said,
December 31, 2006 at 8:33
Dateline, Crawfofrd TX. An unidentified woman was arrested at the small “counterprotest” here yesterday for indecent exposure. Before removing her blouse and insisting that “everybody notice me, goddamit”, people around her were concerned for her mental health due to a seeming obsession with pie. As the troopers took her away in handcuffs, she had a chance to turn towards the microphone, at which juncture she intoned “I like Pie!”….
mikey
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 8:57
Jillian was there??? I missed it. :(
a different brad said,
December 31, 2006 at 9:08
Geez, princess, relax. I said I could go to ground zero, but I don’t see the point.
And I was in Florida with my parents this week. Were you? No. At least I WENT.
I was in the deli a couple hours ago. Were you? No. At least I WENT.
I was in the bathroom recently. Were you?…….
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 9:10
Sheesh, who pissed in your cornflakes???
a different brad said,
December 31, 2006 at 9:18
Yer the one acting like following in Sheehan’s footsteps makes you a heroine of yer cause.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 9:37
How is that, Brad? I didn’t even mention her, you all brought her up.
I went to see where my President lives, and if there had been any of you communists brave enough to take a stand, I would have told them what I think of them.
But, you all are too busy jerking off online, so I had a lovely time with some of the decent folk who live there.
And what is my cause??? You’ve lost me, but then again, you never do make much sense.
And why I’m arguing with my own sock puppets I have no idea.
Slow night I guess.
a different brad said,
December 31, 2006 at 10:04
Princess, just because you were doing something the rest of us weren’t don’t make you in any way superior. Bush himself is insignificant, n I’m not about to travel over a thousand miles out of my way to yell at a plot of land several miles from where the president actually is. Especially not when it’s in gawd damned texas, even if there is a girl in austin I’d love a chance to look up. It’s nice that you’re traveling, but you’re the one with the ‘tude today. Maybe it’s from being in texas.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 10:08
You’re wrong, Brad. But hey, if it makes you feel better to act like a dick, I’m not going to stop you.
I didn’t say I was superior, but you did, twice.
LOL.
Austin SUCKS. And I always have ‘tude. It’s why you love me.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 10:11
“Bush himself is insignificant”
Then I expect no more bitching aobut him from any of you idiots.
a different brad said,
December 31, 2006 at 10:20
Naw, you just said we’re all nothings n not brave enough to be there. Not a hint of self-superiority in that, princess.
a different brad said,
December 31, 2006 at 10:25
I don’t remember being voted king of this island, princess. If I had been, there’d be a lot more nubile topless coeds running around, and you’d lose internet privileges for a week just for thinking I’m sexist for saying that.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 10:26
None of you are brave enough to be there. That’s the truth. But since I have different feelings on the war, how would me going there relate in any way to why you should be going there??? I’m not anti-war. If I were, what you said may make sense. As it stands, it doesn’t.
You are all a bunch of blabbers with no walk behind your talk. That’s just the truth.
Goodnight, Brad. Happy New Year. Get some sleep.
a different brad said,
December 31, 2006 at 10:33
Happy new year’s, princess. Just remember, it’s not our fault you’re in texas.
Tehanu said,
December 31, 2006 at 12:47
annienangel: it is about all YOU dumb fucks. I am going to show the President that there are still decent, Christian, true Americans ….
“Decent”? Decent people don’t call anybody “dumb fucks,” annie. In fact, all the most conservative old ladies I know think that saying “dumb fuck” is much worse than, oh, say, lying about WMD and getting thousands of people killed in an aggressive war. Oh, wait, I forgot: Jesme didn’t say “love your enemies”; he said, “Smash all the dumb fucks who don’t agree with you.” I believe that was the Sermon on Mount Doom.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 21:13
Shut up, you dumb fuck.
g said,
December 31, 2006 at 22:13
She’s off her meds again.
annieangel said,
December 31, 2006 at 23:58
Unlike most of you dumb fucks, I’m not on meds. They were discussing meds on Atrios the ohter night, they are ALL on something.
LOL.
TC said,
January 1, 2007 at 3:18
Annie comes by her psychoses naturally
annieangel said,
January 1, 2007 at 3:29
Actually, I blame men. Jesus saved me.
Lucifer Morningstar said,
January 1, 2007 at 5:44
Hee hee hee HA HA HA HA HA HAR HAR HAR HAR mwhah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaa!!1! My, my, my. Aren’t you gonna be surprised.
Zython said,
January 2, 2007 at 8:52
Unlike most of you dumb fucks, I’m not on meds. They were discussing meds on Atrios the ohter night, they are ALL on something.
I believe this. Although I’m pretty sure she’s been prescribed medication for her…issues, but she thinks it’s a plot by Al Qaeda to steal away her Jesus Essence(TM).
She’s off her meds again.
That implies she was ever on them.
I am going to show the President that there are still decent, Christian, true Americans who trust in his plan to fix the middle east.
So, you’re saying that only Christicans can be decent. Why don’t you just get it out the way and just say, “I hate those fucking kikes”? After all, honestly is the best policy.
elendil said,
January 2, 2007 at 13:45
Oh and the plan is obvious. Get the middle east into a situation where all Hell breaks loose and Israel nukes Iran. DUH.
You know, I honestly can’t figure out if that was sarcasm or not. Perhaps I underestimated annieangel, and she has a wickedly black sense of humour. Or perhaps she’s barking mad. Comic genius, or psychopath? Tough call.
ACG said,
January 2, 2007 at 18:08
Just out of curiosity, AA, what have you accomplished in Texas? What is better for your being there?
Other than an obvious and immediate improvement in Toronto, of course.
Karl Rove II said,
January 2, 2007 at 21:41
“He’s been in a coma for three weeks without any signs of recovery. In order for South Dakota to have full representation in the Senate, he should be replaced.”
That never seemed to bother the people of North Carolina…
belledame222 said,
January 2, 2007 at 23:37
“would keep me pumped”
testtest_done93_2 said,
March 10, 2007 at 16:58
Nice site, best regards
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