Bush Burning over Kerry heresy
Speaking on behalf of the Sacred Head of the National Faith, Bush disciples have attacked Candidate Kerry for the heresy of quoting scripture in church without the prior consent of the Bush/Lord 04 campaign. (Slogan: Vote for us or go to Hell.)
After revealing that he wasn’t elected but placed in the White House by God (a longtime Republican) Bush’s disciples have determined that God, faith, morality, patriotism, democracy, freedom and compassion are sole properties of the Republican Faith. Use of any of these terms explicitly or in casual reference is expressly forbidden to parties outside the Republican faith, what with preachifying being a considerable part of their current campaign.
It is unclear what punishment Bush and his disciples plan to hand down to the infidel Kerry but it promises to be eternal, or at least feel that way.
How DARE he use their Bible!
Crucify him! Happily, a fairly explicit instructional film was recently released (by some obscure director, M. Gibson–probably a Frenchy) and has rapidly become all the rage with the do-it-yourself crowd. From what I hear, it’s garnered much praise from experts in the field of crucifixion and other forms of godly suffering. The Bush team should have no problem stringing the man up like a scarecrow.
Clarke apologizes! Kerry quotes scripture in church! Dear Allah, will the left-wing blasphemy against Bush-Laden never cease??!!
Oh, and let’s not forget Stephen Hatfill, the scapegoat for the anthrax attacks. He’s still fighting for justice, and his life has been destroyed by Ashcroft and his gutless, lawless minions. Let’s turn up the heat on THAT, shall we?
OT…Peanut, assuming you are a single, somewhat attractive woman, will you marry me?
Great offer OTB, but the answers are no, ::cough:: not at the moment and sadly, no! Unless gay people can be stopped from exchanging public vows of mutual love, I feel my own marriage would be gutted of the sacred sense of cultural superiority society promised me. No amount of silver-wrapped appliances can replace that (though you’d think …)
Haven’t you guys read the new King George Version?
“Blessed are the Republicans, for their truth shall remain unquestioned by the press. Surely they shall triumph over the Godless Democrat Anti-Christs in November, so help us Diebold.”
But the good thing about the Devil Quoting Scripture incident is that it so enraged Sean Hannity that he almost had a stroke while discussing it on his TV show yesterday. I imagine he will pressure the fox attorneys to sue Kerry for copyright violation, which will end up giving Kerry all kinds of free publicity, and then Hannity will talk about challenging Kerry to an old west showdown, but never actually getting around to doing it. That is the Fox News way.
Anyway, another excellent post, Peanut. Like Mary Richards, I think you’re gonna make it on your own! (Meaning, you HAVE to start your own blog once Seb is hale and hearty.)
“Unless gay people can be stopped from exchanging public vows of mutual love, I feel my own marriage would be gutted of the sacred sense of cultural superiority society promised me.”
*swoon*
Hot swooning ACTION!