Dec
22
22
Lord, It’s Like A Hard-News Christmas
Shorter Peggy Noonan:
News of a Sleighing
- This Christmas, I have but two simple wishes: More bread! More circus!
Above: Still wants hula hoop.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard.
Gus said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:23
I thought it was, “I’m phoning it in because I’ve already started my holiday drinking.”
Michael said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:25
Above: Still wants hula hoop.
Between this caption and attacking the sun, S,N! has made it the Best Xmas Evar.
bobbo said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:34
Damn! I read her again! How do you guys keep doing that to me?
a different brad said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:35
How to trap Peggy Noonan:
Build a giant gingerbread house around a cage.
Tell her Santa is inside with a pony.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:37
Above: Still wants hula hoop.
I believe I saw her hula hoop in the illustration you used a few threads ago. M. Malkin had covered it in bread-crumbs and was staring at it with what can only be described as the lineaments of gratified desire. As opposed to the liniments of gratified desire, which Noonan seems to have been drinking.
mikey said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:37
I’ve got to go with Gus here. She’s frantically running around, trying to finish her shopping and go to parties and she’s drunk and confused and there’s just so much to DO, you know?
So she comes up with a way to get this pesky column written and sent in 20 minutes flat, by simply emulating what local radio has been doing for at least forty years, overlaying in on that damn TerrSymp network NBC, pushing send and moving on. PSSSssshh, phoning it in, indeed…
mikey
masterfaculty said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:38
Still wants hula hoop…Man, you crack me up.
steve_e said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:47
That crumbly turd of a column was even stupider than I expected. Good thing for Peggers that no one on the Opinion Journal staff proofreads her crap. What a cushy job.
TC said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:53
Dammit, Mikey, I’M drunk and confused, too!
But I managed to put together a non-traditional Festive Friday Random, just to piss off Bill O’Reilly, and I’m just sorry that “Christmas With The Devil” didn’t come up.
http://empireofthesenseless.blogspot.com/2006/12/all-tomorrows-parties.html
That was just for all you frickin hilarious librul bastards. Happy Merry Whatever, all of ya.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 22, 2006 at 21:56
I concur with the too-drunk-to-write hypothesis, but I’m thinking it was more like 5 minutes than 20, since all she had to do was copy and paste her 12-year-old niece’s “creative writing” assignment, which said niece had herself cut and pasted from a weekly community newsletter in eastern Ohio, which in turn had cut and pasted it from a website called the Reason for the Season, whose staffers had actually typed it themselves after running across it in a December 1952 issue of The Saturday Evening Post that was holding up a short table leg in the living room of the site’s proprietress, Edna McCheerybuckets.
Marc said,
December 22, 2006 at 22:19
Isn’t this the same woman who called GWB’s presidency a “gift?” Figures.
Derelict said,
December 22, 2006 at 22:27
All I want for Festivus is a gig like Noonan’s. Why oh why can’t I make six figures for writing stuff I just pull straight out of my ass?
Why can’t I get a gig where everything I write is wrong, wrong, wrong–and yet I’m heaped with praise and given money and speaking engagements as a result?
God help me! I’m trapped in reality! If ONLY I could escape the reality-based community and get on the wingnut welfare gravy train!
Highlander said,
December 23, 2006 at 0:06
Jesus. I have a very high tolerance for schmaltz, and I already had my bout of killer stomach flu this year, but ‘gallant old deer’ had me reaching for something to throw up in.
spencer said,
December 23, 2006 at 0:20
God, what a fucking idiot.
How anybody could somehow not be embarrassed by that piece is beyond me.
Snowwy said,
December 23, 2006 at 0:30
I’m not embarra…
Oh wait, she’s American. Nevermind!
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 23, 2006 at 9:30
Speaking of Festivus, it’s time for the Airing of the Grievances.
Noonan’s a first class hack.
Now, in tradition I must wrestle her.
Ooops.
markg said,
December 24, 2006 at 8:43
Fox news has a clown show? Since when?
The Fool said,
December 25, 2006 at 23:24
Ahhhhh!!! She’s so sweet!
*gag* *wretch* *yak* *gag* *barf*