Since Brad stole Mark Noonan from my plasma-field wingnut containment device, I’m swiping Jim Rutz from his.
Above: plasma-field wingnut containment device
When last we encountered Jim, he was telling a bracing and faith-affirming story about Christian missionaries in Kiambu, Kenya who saved the city from an evil sorceress. Before that, it was demons haunting a Guatemalan village, and before that it was something about evangelical Christians bringing their dead relatives back to life.
So it’s good to see that Jim has at last forsworn superstition and has turned instead to science:
A devil food is turning our kids into homosexuals
Posted: December 12, 2006
There’s a slow poison out there that’s severely damaging our children and threatening to tear apart our culture. The ironic part is, it’s a “health food,” one of our most popular.
Now, I’m a health-food guy, a fanatic who seldom allows anything into his kitchen unless it’s organic. I state my bias here just so you’ll know I’m not anti-health food.
The dangerous food I’m speaking of is soy. Soybean products are feminizing, and they’re all over the place. You can hardly escape them anymore.
Soy is feminizing, and commonly leads to a decrease in the size of the penis, sexual confusion and homosexuality. That’s why most of the medical (not socio-spiritual) blame for today’s rise in homosexuality must fall upon the rise in soy formula and other soy products.
Nathan Tabor is A Young Jesse Helms — 5th District, NC
Dr. Jerry Falwell, Publisher, National Liberty Journal
…I am convinced Nathan Tabor is a young champion who can make a true difference for our values in Washington.
Nathan Tabor has helped build a successful family business in Kernersville, N.C. Revival Soy has over 130 employees and is one of the fastest growing businesses in western North Carolina.
And what has Revival Soy been up to lately?
The remainder (as they say) is left as an exercise for the reader.
RETARDO adds: You gaywads just think you have problems! You eat soy? So what! I grow it! Ten years ago I was a robust and virile young man, leaving many a red state girl barefoot and pregnant, as The Lord requires. But now… my penis is the size of a delicate mushroom cap, I’ve sprouted boobies, and I can’t stop staring at Richard Simmons’s hot shorts. It’ll happen to you, too! Save yourselves! Eat a thick juicy succulent
tube beef steak, instead! Don’t be like me, like a couple of beans in a pod — Gah! There’s no escape! GAAAAAHHHH!!! Beams of lavender and puce project from my eyes like a human-superfagg0rtronic disco ball! I am TRANSFORMING!! Let’s appease the muslimofascists! Pay Per View abortions on satellite teevee!! Why, hello there sailor, can I suck your cock? Now to dump truckloads of soy in the Greater Salt Lake City water supply! Muahahaha I am supersoygheywad, destroyer of worlds!!!