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Dec
3

Kicked in the Booty




Posted at 3:01 by Brad

Hey Drum! How do ya like them apples, huh? Bring on Ohio State-Michigan in the national title game, baby! It. Is. So. On.

59 Comments »

  1. dj moonbat said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:12

    Florida’s still not done.

  2. calling all toasters said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:14

    Didn’t Ohio State and Michigan play already? So did the loser call “best out of three”? If so, what do you call the third game?

  3. Seitz said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:23

    I can’t describe how fucking great this feels as a lifelong Bruins fan. Fuck U$C. Fuck their convict laden roster. Fuck their piece of shit coach.

    Didn’t Ohio State and Michigan play already? So did the loser call “best out of three�? If so, what do you call the third game?

    Looks like someone doesn’t know the difference between a road game and a neutral site game.

  4. Seitz said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:23

    Oh, and Brad, I’m also Vladi. PP can explain the whole thing.

  5. mikey said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:24

    Look, you know I love you guys (not in a gay way), but college football is the last refuge of the sports junkie. Nobody knows who these guys are, nobody cares what they do. You get a pass rooting for aunt alma mater, but beyond that - jeez, give it a rest. Next thing you’ll be playing fantasy european minor league american football or something. When I hear football nutjobs discussing in meticulous detail the condition of the medial collateral ligament of some linebacker I’ve never heard of all I can think of is “gawd, what are they missing in life, and what must their wive’s life be like?”….

    mikey

  6. John O said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:29

    Awesome! As a full time Midwesterner, those of practicality and sensibiltity, I love the Big 10.5.

    The two best teams are going to go at it again, on a neutral field.

    Take Michigan and the points, if you get any.

  7. the_millionaire_lebowski said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:29

    …all I can think of is “gawd, what are their wive’s missing in life?â€?

    Fix’ed

  8. maddie said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:35

    I know nothing about college football. No troll-chomping here at the ole S,N! tonight? Wanh wanh. (Does anyone know the correct spelling for crying baby sounds?)

    *sigh* Back to work for me.

    Mikey - Hope you went with the duck breast tonight.

  9. TC said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:47

    mikey, it’s not about the teams…

    it’s about throwing the parties to ostensibly watch the bowl game with friends, food and your favorite beverages.

    wisconsin plays Jan 1. w00t!1!

  10. RobW said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:48

    See, this is why I get depressed this time of year.

    It isn’t all the phony holiday cheer, or the smug-but-genuine holiday cheer, or the ridiculous outrage of the cultural warriors’ at my calling it “holiday” cheer, or the aggressive marketing that exhorts me to buy useless crap for people I don’t actually like with money I don’t actually have, or the insipid holiday music that permeates every public space.

    It’s the fucking football.

  11. RobW said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:50

    And get off my damned lawn!

  12. funkyb0ss said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:58

    Eat it USC…two losses against unranked conference foes…

    We’ll see you in the Halliburton Cobag Bowl.

  13. TC said,

    December 3, 2006 at 3:58

    Come on by for the game Rob.

    You don’t have to watch.

  14. fthethunderdontgetya said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:09

    Y-A!

    L-E!

  15. the_millionaire_lebowski said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:13

    Anyone notice this asssesmentology?

    In 2002, for example, Bush’s own White House Office of Management and Budget initiated the President’s Management Scorecard, a sort of quarterly report card assessing the top management of 25 major federal agencies and departments.

    It uses a “Stoplight Scoring System,� with green for success, yellow for mixed results, and red for unsatisfactory.

    I guess I should give the administration some points for knowing which color means what, but c’mon. This isn’t even the “Gold Star Scoring System”™. Granted, the GSS has some flaws, but at least it’s entrusted to the evaluation of our nation’s kindergardeners.

  16. jeff said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:14

    Wow! Something Mikey’s wrong about! Finally…

  17. Henry Holland said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:25

    When I hear football nutjobs discussing in meticulous detail the condition of the medial collateral ligament of some linebacker I’ve never heard of all I can think of is “gawd, what are they missing in life, and what must their wive’s life be like?�….

    Ah, the leisure time fascists, aren’t they great? Oh wait, no they’re not, they’re pains in the ass.

    C’mon Mikey, spill. What do you like to do when you’re not working or constantly posting to S!N. I’m 99.9% certain you don’t spend evenings trying to solve the problem of cold fusion, cure cancer or AIDS or anything like that, so I’m sure you won’t mind if we mock and scorn [i]your[/i] leisure time activities.

  18. g said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:29

    Aw, mikey, cut it out. Give us our brief moment of joy.

    Fuck you, University of Spoiled Children!

  19. sprezzatura said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:34

    ahh Micky is talking like so chicks will think he is ‘deep’

  20. RobW said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:52

    Meanwhile…

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/12/01/AR2006120101645_pf.html

    GSA Administrator Lurita Alexis Doan, a Bush political appointee and former government contractor, has proposed cutting $5 million in spending on audits and shifting some responsibility for contract reviews to small, private audit contractors.

    The second part is teh awsome. Turning over the oversight of government contracts to private contractors. They’re not even trying to be subtle, if they ever were.

    Ya gotta love this quote:

    “There are two kinds of terrorism in the US: the external kind; and, internally, the IGs have terrorized the Regional Administrators,” Doan said, according to the notes.

    Never mind those heavily-armed militia types. The real internal terrorists are those damned inspectors general.

  21. mikey said,

    December 3, 2006 at 4:56

    I fucking love this thread more than any other in history. Actually I’m listening to Elvis Costello and trying to figure out the motivation of a woman with a good career would throw her life away for a guy wrongly incarcerated in pelican bay. It’s this goddam novel….

    mikey

  22. scarshapedstar said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:00

    I’m sure you won’t mind if we mock and scorn [i]your[/i] leisure time activities.

    Go back to your forums, nerd! Wtfpwnt!

  23. mikey said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:01

    But…ummmm…c’mon, guys….I’m like serious here, it’s…. No, see, what I’m saying here is…Ummm, you know, it’s the…I mean, the whole thing is…

    IT’S FUCKING COLLEGE, YOU DORKS! IT DOESN’T COUNT…

    Umm, ok, right?

    mikey

  24. TC said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:05

    I keep tellin ya, I’m with you mikey,

    it’s a good excuse for a party though.

  25. Candy said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:10

    Mikey: Women are hard-wired to defend innocence wronged. That’s really all the motivation she needs. Plus she may be bored…

    I’m with Mikey on this one. Maybe it’s living in Iowa and being exposed to the relentless stupidity of the Hawkeyes/Cyclones rivalry… Really, I can’t even imagine how anyone could care. I try to ignore it, but the other day I accidentally learned that the Hawk is named “Herky” or something phonetically similar.

    Never mind…. back to nerd land. Carry on, and pardon my intrusion.

  26. Mark S. said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:17

    We’ll see you in the Halliburton Cobag Bowl.

    Also known as the Rose Bowl, where USC will be playing Michigan when Florida leapfrogs them in the BCS.

  27. mikey said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:25

    Hmmm, it does seem as if I end up with the chix, y’know? That’s gonna burn a little…

    mikey

  28. Candy said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:26

    Guy walks into a computer store. The clerk comes up to him, all excited, and announces the advent of a new computer that can converse on any IQ level.

    “Really? Set it for 180, and have it select a topic.”

    The clerk does so, and the computer says, “Let’s discuss quantum mechanics!”

    “Hmmm….. pretty cool. Set it for 130.”

    The computer adjusts, and says, “Let’s talk about politics.”

    “That’s fascinating, alright! Hey, let’s set it for 85 and see what it wants to talk about!”

    The computer ruminates a moment, and then a gruff voice says, very mano-a-mano, “How ’bout them Hawks?”

  29. mark said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:27

    No way Florida deserves to leapfrog Michigan. Florida is the most talented team in the nation but has underachieved all year. Besides, the TV powers want a rematch.

    The BCS is anti-SEC because of their conference. Its total bullshit. Only in figure skating and college football do we not have a playoff.

  30. Candy said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:28

    sorry, I hardly ever get to tell that joke.

  31. mikey said,

    December 3, 2006 at 5:46

    I’m…

  32. Marsupial said,

    December 3, 2006 at 6:00

    g said it all:

    Fuck you, University of Spoiled Children!

  33. dand said,

    December 3, 2006 at 6:06

    If it is Mich-OSU then what does that accomplish? Mich did not win its conference. It is the national chamionship, not the Big10. If they put that up it is bogus. The only way to measure it with the complete lack of a play off is to take another team from another conference. As much as I hate Florida, they seem to be the one.

  34. Marked Hoosier said,

    December 3, 2006 at 7:00

    The BCS is BS. You can’t poll to get the top teams… Gawd imagine if the NFL did that.

    Either way, the Championship should be between the top two teams in the country, so it should be Ohio/Michigan.

    But I may have a Big 10 bias…

  35. Some Guy said,

    December 3, 2006 at 7:05

    Scoff all you want, mikey, but I’m planning on making a fortune with my Official Little League World Series Fantasy Baseball franchaise.
    Come oooon, little Timmy! Throw to first!

  36. James Van Allen's Bitter Ghost said,

    December 3, 2006 at 7:17

    Gosh Candy, a ‘clowns joke. Did McCartney tell you that one before or after he finished smacking up his wife?
    That was a good one though, must the longest novel ever produced by the Ames High-School-After-High-School Writers Workshop.

    Ahh, that’s right, you don’t “care” about the whole instate rivalry thing. I suppose next you’ll be saying you used to be a Democrat but of course a Truman Democrat - “before they got all soft.”

  37. Capt. Trollypants said,

    December 3, 2006 at 7:25

    My younger, randier self, as a neutral observer would of course root for USC Cheerleaders. Hello sweata!

  38. Pinko Punko said,

    December 3, 2006 at 7:28

    always thinking with your johnson, Trolly.

    I think Fl. gets the shot, my super secret allegiance to a certain frozen assed monolithic state school ruthless mammals says Michigan, but if you want to play old school, they got their shot at Ohio St. I mean, what if Michigan beats Ohio St. on a last minute field goal in a rematch- you are supposed to say, “yeah, they’re better?” It is just hard.

  39. Pinko Punko said,

    December 3, 2006 at 7:29

    and I will punch you like Gregor punching Timeclock if you say playoff.

    (everyone knows Gregor doesn’t really punch Timeclock)

  40. jeff said,

    December 3, 2006 at 7:44

    College football is a sport; Pro ball is a business (like Budweiser and Ford, for example.)

  41. Seitz said,

    December 3, 2006 at 8:11

    but if you want to play old school, they got their shot at Ohio St. I mean, what if Michigan beats Ohio St. on a last minute field goal in a rematch- you are supposed to say, “yeah, they’re better?

    Yes. How hard is it for you people (and quite frankly, I’m surprised at you, PP) to tell the difference between a game played at one team’s home stadium and neutral site game. Find me another sport who plays one game for all the marbles, and also plays that game on something other than a neutral site. NBA, NHL, MLB, they all play a series of games, with contests at both teams’ home venues. But the Super Bowl? The NCAA basketball championship? There’s a reason those are at neutral sites. It’s not a difficult concept to grasp.

    To leave Michigan out of the NC game is punish them for a) being in the same conference as OSU, and b) having the misfortune of having this year’s game played in Columbus.

    Look, Michigan and Florida both beat every team put in front of them except one. Michigan has the better loss. Michigan deserves to go. End of story. And anyone who disagrees with me is a total cobag.

  42. Mark S. said,

    December 3, 2006 at 8:15

    Speaking of which, does anyone want to join the Ladies Pro Bowling Fantasy League I’m starting?

  43. miker said,

    December 3, 2006 at 8:27

    saying one team has the better loss is a meaningless statement. And quit thinking that big 11 home field means diddly squat.

  44. miker said,

    December 3, 2006 at 8:29

    to add to that, we can argue all night about which conference is better, SEC or Big 10/11, but there is no argument in terms of fans and their cheering at the games.

  45. Some Guy said,

    December 3, 2006 at 8:48

    Make it a Senior Ladies Pro Bowling Fantasy League, and I’m THERE, Mark.

  46. Marked Hoosier said,

    December 3, 2006 at 9:13

    Ya know, if Michigan’s season didn’t end two weeks ago… there wouldn’t be an argument.

    Bye weeks rule… oh wait Michigan got one. :)

  47. g said,

    December 3, 2006 at 11:13

    Oh, man. I just came back from attending a 4 hour — that’s FOUR HOURS — concert/slash tribute appearance.

    It was for a venerable music personality, and the honoree certainly deserved tribute. Only I don’t know why he fucking deserved FOUR HOURS worth of tribute. Especially because it wasn’t FOUR HOURS of music; it was about two hours of music and TWO FUCKING HOURS of repetitive speeches combined with agonizingly long stage-setting changes.

    My ass is sore from sitting in a theatre chair for four hours.

  48. mmm...lemonheads said,

    December 3, 2006 at 14:34

    Bring on the rematch. It’s about the two best teams, nothing more or less. I don’t care what conference they’re in, I don’t care when their loss happened. Two best teams.
    And that first game was amazing.

  49. Wha? said,

    December 3, 2006 at 16:11

    WE ARE THE BOYS FROM OLD FLO-RI-DA;
    F-L-O-R-I-D-A!!!

    Yes, it’s about the two best teams, and Mich. (UM means University of Mississippi, or Ole Miss) just isn’t one of them. They blew it.

    Time to settle the your-conference/team/schedule-is-overrated crap, and the only way to do that is pit OSU against FL.

    The question is, where do they send Mich.? Do you get plastered by USC? Do you get to play the most truly overrated team in collegiate sports, Notre Dame?

    Even on the cynical “It’s about $$$” level - which I agree with, nobody in the country outside of Michigan is interested in seeing a rematch. If it happens, it’s the end of the BCS.

  50. themann1086 said,

    December 3, 2006 at 18:09

    Florida v. Ohio State. Nough said.

    And USC can suck it :D

  51. Dan Someone said,

    December 3, 2006 at 19:45

    College football is a sport; Pro ball is a business (like Budweiser and Ford, for example.)

    Ahh, the wide-eyed innocence of youth.

    And watch what you all say about Iowa — my wife is a Hawkeye, and as a result, Iowa is my family’s favorite college team (since I went to school in a league that was once at the pinnacle of college football but elected to bow out of the entire championship process in favor of retaining some academic integrity). Of course, the Hawkeye-ism applies only to football as long as Steve Alford continues to coach the basketball team.

  52. coldH2Owi said,

    December 3, 2006 at 21:23

    For all those haters out there, the Big 10 holds 33.33% of the Top 10. If you don’t want MI to play OH State, then I suggest WI. We, too, have only one loss.

  53. Wha? said,

    December 3, 2006 at 21:50

    coldH2Owi -

    What you meant to say was:
    “For all you haters out there, the SEC holds 33.33% of the Top 10. If you don’t want FL to play OH State, then I would suggest LSU. We’re ranked ahead of Wisconson even though we have two losses, because we play in the toughest conference in the history of college football.”

  54. Wha? said,

    December 3, 2006 at 21:51

    Oh, and Louisville is ranked ahead of WI, too. How did that happen?

  55. mitch meats said,

    December 3, 2006 at 23:13

    The Gators deserve their shot at the National Championship. There was no better place to be than here in Gainesville last night. I have never seen more dedicated fans in my entire life. If the Gators win the championship, that will make it the best year ever in sports for me: Steelers, Heat, Gator Basketball, Gator Football. I think I’ll have to retire.

  56. Troy Smith said,

    December 4, 2006 at 1:41

    It’s the only way I can become the first Ohio State QB to beat Michigan 4 times.

  57. Wha? said,

    December 4, 2006 at 3:29

    It’s settled. Gators to kick buckeye butt.

  58. ahem said,

    December 4, 2006 at 5:30

    Gators to kick buckeye butt.

    ITYM ‘lick’, given that the SEC this year has been atrocious, and the only people who haven’t grasped that are the goons who’ve swallowed the myth of the SEC’s supremacy. And I say that as someone who’s endured SEC matchups on CBS every fucking weekend.

  59. TC said,

    December 4, 2006 at 19:09

    Wisconsin is rated lower because our players are more debonair, intelligent, and graceful;

    Not to mention being better endowed.

    The UCS rating boys are just handicapping, is all.

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