1
‘Empire’ Strikes Back
Wardorks aho-o-oy! Courtesy of (who else?) Glenn Reynolds:
The Coalition to Preserve Civilization
by Baron Bodissey
The Great Islamic Jihad is certain that Western Civilization is about to come to an end.
Islamic Fascism looks forward to the rule of the new Caliphate, in which the whole world will swear submission to Allah and bow five times a day towards Mecca. It aims to kill or enslave every person who will not accept its twisted vision of Islam.
With the help of its allies among the world’s dictators and within our own media, it is confident that it will achieve its goal.
But even as this beast tears at our throats, a new defensive force is being born, a determination to preserve all that is good and right and true within the Western world.
Even as we are abandoned by our leaders, by the sophists in our academies, and by the propagandists of our major media, ordinary people are connecting with one another, and are ready to stand up and defeat those who would destroy us.
Here in the 910 Group this force is symbolized by the Phoenix, reborn from the ashes of the World Trade Center in order to resist the onslaught of Islamofascism.
Synergy and synchronicity are at work here. The 910 Group was initiated in the comments on a Gates of Vienna post and is barely two months old. Yet it is growing incredibly rapidly, and is much larger than all of us.
We are an international movement, with members in India, the UK, New Zealand, Australia, Denmark, Norway, and Canada, as well as the U.S.A. We comprise a self-selected group of people
who share common goals:
to oppose Islamic Fascism wherever it threatens us, and to promote the emergence of liberty in all the dark corners of the planet where ordinary people are degraded and oppressed.
Anyone interested may subscribe by sending an email to 910-subscribe@yahoogroups.com, in order to receive announcements.
A new “network of networksâ€? has formed under the 910 umbrella, and now another synchronicity has opened the door to a larger alliance, one that calls itself…
You can’t even parody this stuff. You really just can’t.
a different brad said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:12
How much of a geek does it make me that the thing whut stood out to me is that sophists weren’t part of the academy, n in fact Plato established the academy in part to give Athenians an alternative to them?
Kneel Before Zod said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:15
The perfesser seems to have put on a pound or two. And going gray.
TC said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:16
Pinko Punko would say that guy can’t reach his doodle.
TC said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:18
Yeah, Western Civ is on its last legs; obviously.
Thank Dog that students won’t have to take THAT class anymore.
Brad R. said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:20
Effin’ brilliant, Gav.
DUDACKATTACK said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:29
Couldn’t these guys just save their breath and head to the nearest recruiting center?
Oddbert said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:32
Q: What kind of a name is ” Baron Bodissey”?
A: One that looks good on the DVD box next to Dick Rider and Kiki SoWett
tb said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:34
Oh hell yes. Sign me the fuck up.
Christopher said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:36
I dunno, I think Jambi was sharp enough not to fall for this kind of thing.
mikey said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:39
Jeezus christ. This is truly embarrassing. If I’m an Islamofascist Terrorist in a cave somewhere in pakistan, plotting the enslavement of western civilization, and one of my terrorist toadies came running up and showed this to me, I’m pretty sure I’d have some other reaction than to tremble in fear and announce my sudden conversion to christianity. I honestly do have two questions. One, do these guys really think that our civilization is at risk? Or are they just playing that game ’cause it’s no fun if there’s no stakes. I mean, you ever play poker for rocks? If you run out, you just go get more. It makes for a stupid game. The other question is do these guys really think they can do something constructive, even in their warped and violent view of what constructive might be? I mean, how many mexican traficantes are really afraid of the fat white guys with shiny new glocks that call themselves the minutemen? If they ever found themselves in a real, uncontrolled situation, most of them would die with full pants…
mikey
Bloggofascist said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:40
Mock all you want, but I think It is awesome that instead of just sitting at their keyboards demanding that someone do something about all of the problems in the world, here is a group that is getting a yahoogroup together to form an organization that might form a committee that will take real concrete steps forward in discussing what someone might do about all these problems.
scarshapedstar said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:41
Couldn’t these guys just save their breath and head to the nearest recruiting center?
They’d get drummed out for chronic flatulence.
Otto Man said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:43
What is it with these loons that they assume a collection of cave-dwelling extremists are somehow going to topple the combined armies of Western Civilizationâ„¢? They’re so sure this country’s going to fall that they’ve already designed the logo for their underground resistance?
Jesus Christ, conservatives, why don’t you stop pissing your pants in fear and grow a pair?
D. Aristophanes said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:51
Even as we are abandoned by our leaders, by the sophists in our academies, and by the propagandists of our major media, ordinary people are connecting with one another, and are ready to stand up and defeat those who would destroy us.
You know what the best part about being a major media propagandist is?
The free buffet at the Islamofascists’ secret volcano lair.
JillK. said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:52
Why is that one guy’s light saber so much… thicker and… brighter than the other two guys’ light sabers?
a different brad said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:52
For those who don’t read Jesus’ General, a present.
I hope my spawn proves this cool someday.
themann1086 said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:53
I’d been considering writing conservative parody, but at this point… fuck it. It writes itself. Poor SadNo… they won’t have a job besides mass-quoting this stuff anymore…
steve_e said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:53
The Great Islamic Jihad is certain that Western Civilization is about to come to an end.
Using neocon reasoning and the property of backwards transference, I believe…no, declare that America’s keyboard kommandoes are, in fact, part of the Great Islamic Jihad.
Jay B. said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:53
I know my atheism is just waiting to be wooed by the Islam branch of crazytown.
fresh said,
December 1, 2006 at 21:58
“They’re so sure this country’s going to fall that they’ve already designed the logo for their underground resistance?”
Holeee fuck and what a logo it is! That’s some hott Photoshoppin’ boys. Must have burned up a good 0.1378 seconds of Google Image to get that neato woodcut phoenix. And the “ye olde” font? *Muwah!*
jimmiraybob said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:00
…most of them would die with full pants…
Ahhhhh, grasshiopper, do not be lulled into thinking that they will be wearing pants.
Righteous Bubba said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:00
There is nothing as sad as people in crazy costumes waiting in a line-up.
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:00
Even as we are abandoned by our leaders, by the sophists in our academies, and by the propagandists of our major media
Bad leaders. Bad sophists. Irresponsible propagandists. I bet they abandon their puppies and kittens, too. Just dumping unwanted pets on the doorsteps of animal shelters.
The rant does not seem complete, though… I see no mention of the Treason of the Clerks. I like to see the clerisy blamed for things, because that makes it easier to convince my friends that it’s a real word when I use it in Scrabble.
I suppose I could follow the link and check, but it’s still morning here, and many beers were consumed last night.
MCH said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:01
An organic, leaderless, international, self-organizing movement? Who do they think they are, al-Qaeda?
shakomako.com » Blog Archive » Can’t Come Up With a Joke said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:08
[…] There are very silly people out there. […]
BeingThere said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:11
I think someone’s been watching “Red Dawn” a wee bit too much.
JillK. said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:12
I would like to postulate the theory that this entire movement’s true purpose is to give Little Ricky Santorum a job come January when he finally leaves the Senate.
Wingnut welfare is a powerful, powerful force…
RobW said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:16
Meka leka hi, meka hiny ho!
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:26
“What is it with these loons that they assume a collection of cave-dwelling extremists are somehow going to topple the combined armies of Western Civilizationâ„¢? They’re so sure this country’s going to fall that they’ve already designed the logo for their underground resistance?
Jesus Christ, conservatives, why don’t you stop pissing your pants in fear and grow a pair?”
Otto Man, this is the dichotomy that is the neocon philosophy. Balancing fear with braggadocio, terra with posturing. It’s at the heart of what they sell. Keep people just terrified enough to enable policies that tear at the Constitution and make the cronies money, but keep enough confidence that the good ‘ole USA will always persevere and win.
It’s insane and bound to fail, but in the mean time they’re in power, and their bud’s pockets are overflowing. That’s all that matters to them.
They’re evil. Incarnate. I don’t buy into the God/Devil thang but the neocons make me think.
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:34
And Jambi rocks.
“Wish? Did somebody say wish?’
Mekka-lekka hey, mekka hiney-ho.
ecostudent said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:42
They remind me of the People’s Front of Judea from Life of Brian.
misc. said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:46
I am so IN!
It’ll be nice to start each work day with a little winger comedy.
Jay B. said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:47
The Great Islamic Jihad is certain that Western Civilization is about to come to an end.
Which puts them in the same company as the pant-wetting losers on the right who think Old Europe, Democrats and Western culture are contributing to the same result.
Gwem Reynolds said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:53
Nothing is more unpredictable than a cornered animal which believes it is about to die.
Join me, cornered animals! Join me or strap on a turban and get a heart attack from those fatty kebabs.
BushYouth said,
December 1, 2006 at 22:59
What is the reference to 910? Are they saying they’re organizing a group with a pre-9/11 mentality. I really don’t understand these psychos.
Larry said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:02
The christians are praying for the end of the world. I’ll take bowing 5 times a day to that.
Spokane Moderate said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:02
Why is that one guy’s light saber so much… thicker and… brighter than the other two guys’ light sabers?
Genetics, probably.
Karatist Preacher said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:03
If the Islamofascists want to take out the Furries, please feel free.
FlipYrWhig said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:04
What is the reference to 910?
They’re not sure yet they’re capable of taking this thing to 11.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:10
Wolverines or Mouseketeers?
LA Confidential Pantload said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:15
Y’know, saying”Islamofascist” a gazillion times in that wretched piece still doesn’t make it a real word.
K said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:19
“If the Islamofascists want to take out the Furries, please feel free.”
Hey, be nice. Furries, Islamofascists, and neocons are all ideologies arranged around fantasy universes, but out of those three fantasies, wouldn’t you prefer the one where people get laid all the time and non-straightness is just fine ?
DrBB said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:21
Okay, I get the reference to that picture of the Furries (shudder) waiting in line for a convention or whatever. But can someone explain to me the guys dancing in the underwear with the green leaf thingy on the front? Or maybe I don’t wanna know….
Karatist Preacher said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:23
Point taken, K.
Gavin M. said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:28
Okay, I get the reference to that picture of the Furries (shudder) waiting in line for a convention or whatever. But can someone explain to me the guys dancing in the underwear with the green leaf thingy on the front? Or maybe I don’t wanna know….
They share the common goal of teh underpants dance.
…It’s visual.
zsa said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:29
Oddbert,
Baron Bodissey is a character of Jack Vance. I’m kind of embarrassed to reveal that I apparently share a prediliction for Vance’s work with someone who’s clearly been huffing the Cheeto-dust a bit too much, errrm, however:
Bodissey isn’t an actual character, really. Partly because Vance doesn’t actually do actual characters (having characters would get in the way of constructing bizarrely complex social conventions, no dobt). But mainly because Bodissey is the author of a galactic encyclopedia kind of thing and quotes from that are used to preface various chapters in Vance’s Gaean Reach series.
Basically, whenever Vance wants to explain why the people in the next chapter are wearing blue face paint, capturing their bodily fluids in Mason jars, and walking around with feather dusters protruding from their asses, a Baron Bodissey quote is thrown up to assure us that it’s all good and normal for them to be doing so. Culturally normative, or something like that.
I think this also includes the Demon Princes novels, which are really quite good. All of Vance is good, IMO, but he is a kind of acquired taste even for SF nerds. In a way, Vance is all about cultural relativism. Surprising to see a wingnut with an appreciation for that, although perhaps that’s due to a lack of basic self-awareness.
IIRC, his name is something like “Unspeik, Baron Bodissey”.
I realize this is way more than you ever needed to know.
I am powerless over my dork-nature, and must rely on a higher power.
Matt Browner Hamlin said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:29
This is immediately in the running for the funniest post Koufax. Though I guess, technically, Baron Bodissey should be the recipient…
A Hermit said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:30
I gotta stop reading this blog at work…they’re looking at me funny again. Something about the barely stifled laughter makes ‘em nervous…
ethan said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:34
this post actually ends with a lord of the rings quote.
AWESOME:
TC said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:36
Speaking as a white guy, can I please request that all of us white guys just keep our damn clothes on at all times, from here on out?
Bunch of pasty-ass, tighty whitey wearing doofuses.
Yeesh, that makes me queasy, even before I look at the furries.
scottp said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:38
The kind of war they can really get behind…
This is primarily an information war, fought via the television screens and computer networks across the entire globe. The enemy is very adept at it, and has a head start. But the Islamists lack our major advantages: originality, flexibility, technical innovation, and a tradition of free enquiry. These are the skills we will use to build our networks and destroy theirs.
One that can be safely fought from Mommy’s basement.
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:43
Just the word “furries” makes me laugh.
Not to mention I’m a Detroit Lions fan (I know, I’m masochistic) and we’ve had a break-out receiver this year whose name is Mike Furrey.
And I laugh.
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:43
Teh hee! Tradition of free enquiry, as practiced by wingnuts on this site: Read what’s on Drudge. Repeat it in a post at Sadly, No!
JillK. said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:51
Genetics, probably.
Light saber thickness is determined by genetics?! Does that explain the baby’s Mohawk, also?
Hank Scorpio said,
December 1, 2006 at 23:52
How lame am I to have recognized the escalator at the San Diego Convention Center from a previous year’s ComicCon? Gonna go hide my head now…
Outlandish Josh said,
December 2, 2006 at 0:17
It would be funnier if this wasn’t how paramilitary organizations got started…
feckless said,
December 2, 2006 at 0:31
Oh CRAP! The 910 yahoo group is coming to town?!?!?
Damn. There goes the caliphate.
Osama would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those pesky 910 kids.
(That and the raging sectarian schism in islam. And the complete lack of an islamofascist (or even muslim) airforce, or of any heavy artillery, or tanks, or a manufacturing base. But those islamofascists were close, very very close to world domination, until frodo and the 910 group stopped em’).
Kathleen said,
December 2, 2006 at 0:40
I see nothing so much as some guys who really really really lack meaning in their lives. I actually feel kind of sorry for them. I mean look at that post Ethan linked too:
The time has come for events like these, as many individuals wake up and realize that they are not alone in their determination to resist the twin juggernauts of Islamic Fascism and Multiculturalism.
The process that is unfolding right now is much larger than any of us, and is not controllable by any one person or group of people. Each of us can only contribute what he has to offer, working towards what he knows is right, and accept the fact that the final result is not currently knowable.
Frodo: I wish it need not have happened in my time.
Gandalf: So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
DUDES: volunteer at a homeless shelter. Find someone to love and love you back. read some poems. Take a hike. You don’t need to invent a Sauron-esque enemy just to have meaning in your life.
Spokane Moderate said,
December 2, 2006 at 0:44
Light saber thickness is determined by genetics?!
Well, there are some products of dubious utility that may affect the thickness of one’s saber, but they really don’t work as they claim. You could also go to a skilled professional to have your saber enhanced, but that’s still somewhat rare. So, yeah, genetics is the most likely reason.
JillK. said,
December 2, 2006 at 0:46
LOL!
Cizungu said,
December 2, 2006 at 0:46
Really lovely, one of their goals :
Support the Chinese Christian Back to Jerusalem project to evangelize Moslems in Europe and the Middle East. China is on its way to becoming a majority Christian nation within 20 years, with over 100 million Christians right now. Not only can they serve as a major bulwark against the spread of Islam in Asia, but many are determined to reverse that spread throughout the world. Teams of Chinese missionaries are already preaching the Gospel in many countries abroad, with tens of thousands to follow. Their efforts could be greatly assisted by the large network of Christian philanthropists who fund mission work.
Nice, how their defense of Western Civilization morphs into a good ol’ Crusade against all of Islam.
Spokane Moderate said,
December 2, 2006 at 0:58
LOL!
Thanks. Just getting a little punchy while passing the time on a Friday afternoon.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:05
China is on its way to becoming a majority Christian nation within 20 years, with over 100 million Christians right now
Wha? But — I — . [shakes head comically, bobbling sound of marbles readjusting] Oh, OK. So intermediate algebra isn’t really one of their strong suits. Got it.
their defense of Western Civilization morphs into a good ol’ Crusade against all of Islam.
Well, against Islam and thousands of years of Eastern Civilization and non-Abrahamic religions and . . . well . . . pretty much everything. Which makes sense, given that their two biggest boogeymen are the peas-in-a-pod threats of Islamofascism (that frumious bandersnatch!) and multiculturalism (which the frumious bandersnatch would so buy into if he only existed . . . )
a different brad said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:09
Apparently membership requires moderator approval. Let’s hope the disgusting thing I wrote in the message to moderator box gets me in.
Now I have to go shower for what I wrote.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:25
You can’t even parody this stuff. You really just can’t.
Well, you can, but nobody can tell the difference. Seriously, if I hadn’t clicked over to confirm the authenticity, I would have sworn the whole thing was a pitch-perfect piece of satire.
Which brings me to my Ingenious Three-Step Plan to Take Over the World:
1. Set up a parody wingnut website with every possible code-worded lure prominently displayed and become an overnight sensation attracting millions of stupid, ethnocentric greedheads.
2. Subtly shift the code-wording in a way that surreptitiously teaches empathy, rationality, generosity and harmony.
3. World domination! Mwahahaha!
Matt T. said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:34
Is it just me, or have the wingnuts been especially wacky lately? I mean, there’s the OSC thing and this and the downwarding spiral goofiness of folks like Althouse and Ace and whatnot. I don’t know whether this year’s War on Christmas is especially wackier than previous years, though. Did we pass through some space cloud or some thing that stirred up the little voices in their heads or something? Have they finally thrown a collective rod?
Maybe it’s just me.
lawsipanther said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:41
I must say that today’s Sadly, No! is quite possibly the best Sadly, No! day evar. It is good enough to get me off my ass and stop lurking. So bravo for this, Gavin.
JillK. said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:41
To: Matt T.
Re: War on Xmas wackiness
Depends on where you look, but in Massachusetts, the War is extremely wacky thanks to Bob Marley and his drinking buddies. World O’ Crap covers it pretty well. And these folks, too.
Nationally, there is much less wack this year than last year since Billy O’Reilly and Johnny Gibson don’t have a book to push. Billy’s done some stuff, but you can just tell his heart isn’t in it.
It’s sad, really.
Smiling Mortician said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:51
Matt T., I just love your first question: its innocence, its whimsy, its joie de vivre. Have the wingnuts been especially wacky lately? *sigh*
No. I think not. I think the wackiness of the wingnut is a constant, although you might want to get the opinion of a physicist to confirm. They have, however, displayed much evidence lately of being more reckless in communicating teh wack, which I suspect (but am not sure) indicates a potentially disastrous increase in both engine heat and spin-speed in their tiny, overworked processors. In other words: Look out, they’re gonna blow!
Matt T. said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:53
It’s sad, really.
Yeah, that’s the impression I’m getting. I work in a restaurant, God help me, and sometimes you have a regular that’s mind-bendlingly annoying, but s/he tips well, so the staff just sucks it up. Few years back, we had a cat who got off work at some motel at 7 p.m. and spent two hours every night in the place drinking Buds, playing three Elvis songs over and over and over*, and expounding on absolutely nothing very, very loudly. Two things kept him from getting booted, and y’all make notes ’cause this is handy information:
1. If it was a busy night, he’d behave himself and leave after a half-hour or so.
2. He tipped the guy waitrons $25. The girls got at least $30. One girl got $50 every night, but she had, as my brother says, arthritis in both hands.
The War on Christmas whackadoodles are doing their yelling, but I get the impression everyone else is basically responding with “Yeah, sure, just hurry up and buy something already.”
And Bob Marley is trying to stop Christmas? Be damned if I ever stop smoking weed, if that’s what it does to you.**
* “Burnin’ Love”, “Suspicious Minds” and “Love Me Tender”.
** Yes, I know.
mikey said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:56
The anger and hate guages do seem to be nudging the redline lately. Perhaps the loss of the midterm election coupled with a certain willingness of the MSM to return to their Liberal roots has caused them to slip a belt and overheat the flywheel of paranoia. But the thing is, ultimately, they are gonna hurt somebody…
mikey
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 2, 2006 at 1:57
Matt T., I’d guess it’s due to the facts that 1) they were all completely wrong about Iraq, even if their conscious minds can not yet admit it, and 2) losing the elections in November shows that most of the country knows it.
Lurch said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:02
Aw, man, tho sooooo rock! cuz I like, belong to the 420 group, ya know and like thisll be like another number group man. I really dig ummmm numbers, man.
a different brad said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:17
They let me into the resistance. I am now a proud member of the 910 Phoenixes. And from the amount of crap i’ve already gotten, i’m doubly glad I used a spam mail account.
a different brad said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:22
Oh, and http://www.910group.com/.
Dan said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:27
The Protocols of Islam. Too funny. And all too depressingly true.
Check out this Gates of Vienna pic of Mohammed as Shylock in a kaffiyeh.
I find their lack of self-awareness distressing.
Dan said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:28
> Oh, and http://www.910group.com/.
Not to mention: http://the-910-group.blogspot.com/
atheist said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:33
Hey, be nice. Furries, Islamofascists, and neocons are all ideologies arranged around fantasy universes, but out of those three fantasies, wouldn’t you prefer the one where people get laid all the time and non-straightness is just fine ?
Yah good point K.
Karl Rove II said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:35
Furries, you had to go and…..YOU SICK FUCKER!
Karl Rove II said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:37
“They’d get drummed out for chronic flatulence.”
Sadly, No…
I myself have suffered the indignity that is chronic flatulence, the Army had no problem with it.
Karl Rove II said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:39
“Jesus Christ, conservatives, why don’t you stop pissing your pants in fear and grow a pair?â€?
The Soviet Union is gone…what else are they supposed to do?
Oh…right, actually get a life.
kingubu said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:41
Seriously, Gav, you’ve moved way beyond snark to some sort of Zen-like combination of child-like wonder and brutally vicious parody. Its truly a thing to behold.
Dan said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:42
Once more, with feeling…
A corporate mission statement”:
Our goals include:
1. Opposing the Great Islamic Jihad in all its forms.
2. Leveraging liberty worldwide.
3. Empowering individuals through informal self-selected information networks
4. Helping those who live under tyranny, oppression, and censorship to attain their freedom.
5. Waging fourth- and fifth-generation information warfare to achieve goals #1 through #4.
The 910 Group has already demonstrated its ability to launch an information blitzkrieg and conduct thorough investigative research through distributed intelligence networks.
We are about to enter a new phase in our mission, and I will be posting on it before long. Stay tuned.
“Leveraging liberty”?
“…already demonstrated its ability to launch an information blitzkrieg”?
Sounds like the 9-1-0s hail from the Pajamas Media school of business startups, offering their own subtle variation:
1. Ape MBA leetspeak (poorly)
2. ?
3. Wolverines!
FastMovingCloud said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:50
“You can’t even parody this stuff. You really just can’t.”
Oh, Great Flying Spaghetti Monster! Are you saying this wasn’t a parody?!? How can that be?
Seanly said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:53
I love that “The 910 Group” is written in Papyrus font… (let it stew for a minute)
Also, once the Islamolibfascists’ war machines rise from the ground & destory civilization, won’t that logo be difficult for the moxy freedom fighters to spray paint on the destroyed walls?
Smiling Mortician said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:53
Thank you, Dan, for focusing on the single most quease-inducing phrase of the whole vomitous excerpt. Leveraging liberty. Pardon me in advance for what is about to come, but I’ve had a long, difficult week and nowhere near enough to drink: I am now unable to stop picturing Gordon Gekko dry-humping the rat-ravaged corpse of Winston Smith. That is all.
FastMovingCloud said,
December 2, 2006 at 2:53
“I dunno, I think Jambi was sharp enough not to fall for this kind of thing”
Mukka lukka hi mukka hiney ho!
steve_e said,
December 2, 2006 at 3:00
So, what was Strauss’s backup plan if the neocons couldn’t control the masses in perpetuity? Just say “screw it” and let them reek havoc on the rest of society? It appears that the commenters at that site really believe all that neocon fairy tale crap.
steve_e said,
December 2, 2006 at 3:05
Oh crap. I just realized that the neocons don’t create backup plans (Iraq). If they can’t run the empire they want, will they settle for easing American society into proto-fascism?
Nah. We’re still doing all right. The wingnuts will make fools of themselves and the majority of the American population will reject their hatred, right? Right?
D. Sidhe said,
December 2, 2006 at 3:17
Mock all you want, but I think It is awesome that instead of just sitting at their keyboards demanding that someone do something about all of the problems in the world, here is a group that is getting a yahoogroup together to form an organization that might form a committee that will take real concrete steps forward in discussing what someone might do about all these problems.
Islamofascistjihad-resistence-related activities.
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 2, 2006 at 3:26
D Sidhe, don’t forget to include mexiliberalmunists, for extra wingnutty inclusiveness.
Islamofascimexiliberalmunistiterrorcratsâ„¢, anyone?
Ex-Fed said,
December 2, 2006 at 3:27
From the comments to that mission statement thread on the site:
“Our main enemy is the liberalism/marxism/trotzkyism/internationalism/environazism/feminazism and all other “flavors” of the deadly “virus” that was let loose on the civilized world in the 19th century and killed over a hundred million people during the last century.
This “virus” weakened our culture, our societies and allowed for the islamic archenemy to become so virulent.
In order to stem islam’s advance on our civilized world, we must first shed any trace of complacency and face the deadly reality: it’s us against them.
Period.
No shades of grey in between.”
I am really quite stunned. I would have thought that dramatic convention required homos to be mentioned in there someplace.
ifthethunderdontgetya said,
December 2, 2006 at 3:31
Oh crap, you’re right Ex-Fed. I forgot Poland, I mean teh homos.
Islamofascimexiliberalmunistihomoterrorcratsâ„¢, anyone?
(That way I got the tit out of there.)
LA Confidential Pantload said,
December 2, 2006 at 4:02
Shouldn’t Tacitus be in here somewhere? All this pompous bullshit…
Anne Laurie said,
December 2, 2006 at 4:07
If they ever found themselves in a real, uncontrolled situation, most of them would die with full pants…
But not before attempting to surrender, Mikey, with a frantic enthusiasm topping even the ADHD-inspired spew so brilliantly exerpted here. Unless they dropped over from hyperventilation or a heart attack first.
They’re like those little armpit-pirahna dogs who yap and snarl at every imagined threat — a squirrel, the pizza delivery guy, a falling leaf — but if their threat perimeter is actually breached, they throw themselves on their backs, pooping & trembling. Except that the little dogs are at least cute and will keep your feet warm in bed.
mikey said,
December 2, 2006 at 4:08
I myself have suffered the indignity that is chronic flatulence, the Army had no problem with it.
C’mon. Have you ever smelled a barracks? Ninety guys farting with elan? Why the hell do you think institutions, be they armies or jails use powerful pine-scented solvents daily? Otherwise, the odor would be truly ugly…
mikey
mikey said,
December 2, 2006 at 4:12
But not before attempting to surrender, Mikey
Now that was insightful truth. There’s a lot more to this story, but the short form was I was kind of the class clown in the service, like everywhere else, I guess. But that was always my line: “But leutenant, couldn’t we just surrender instead?” Man, I used to get in trouble for that shit…
mikey
Dan said,
December 2, 2006 at 4:27
I’m afraid the Perfesser’s understated contribution to this is getting lost in the shuffle:
> WELL, SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT: The Coalition to Preserve Civilization.
It’s a brevity that bespeaks genius.
Following the same trajectory as Roy, I’m beginning to wonder if this isn’t all just an elaborate put on that may some day be judged a pinnacle of literary achievement…
Dan Someone said,
December 2, 2006 at 4:47
zsa, nice call on the Jack Vance reference. I love Vance’s writing, but it’s been a while, so I never made the connection.
Kinda makes me ill that some wingnut freak has that much literary taste.
Ex-Fed said,
December 2, 2006 at 5:01
Regrettably, the valiant keyboarders of the Fightin’ 910’s (a reference to a date, and not, as the unkind have suggested, their weight) do not know that now, even now, Islamofascist moles in our scientific community have developed a deadly-dangerous substance that threatens their very existence.
No mere poison this — for even the Islamofascists know that mere polonium cannot stop the true heart of a patriot.
No, this substance is aimed straight at their resolve, their vigilance, their attentiveness. It is a brilliant but dastardly ploy to divert their laser-like focus from the coming Islamothreat, and to sap their manly essences.
Fear it:
http://img143.imageshack.us/img143/5025/cheetoslotion4tkfr4.jpg
(Credit to Quipp, a brilliant photoshopist elsewhere)
J— said,
December 2, 2006 at 5:11
One thing to keep in mind when assessing the military preparedness of the 910 Group: If the Predator gets in a bind, he’ll drop a thermonuclear bomb on your ass.
Lesley said,
December 2, 2006 at 6:09
Holy mother of all that’s loony. I didn’t realize until the end of that post that the shaded text wasn’t yours but the writing of some caged member(s) of the nuttes of winge. You’re right…the parodies are already written.
g said,
December 2, 2006 at 6:20
Oh, you guys!! Christmas has come so early, so many gifts!!!
Ur..,,, I mean “The Holidays.”
Sorry.
Anyway –
Some Guy said,
December 2, 2006 at 6:29
I think the 910 Federation of Browncoats’ first mission should be, obviously, to mount a full, preemptive-strike by invading Saudi Arabia.
Hop to it, you brave warriors.
It’d be interesting to see how many of these qooks actually have connections to the WTC attacks. Seriously, I mean that non-snarkly.
shaker said,
December 2, 2006 at 7:24
From the “Gates of Vienna” gallery page:
These images were created using various commercial software applications, but most of the work was done using custom Visual Basic program code written by me.
The page contains only images (which he admits were created using commercial software) and basic html formatting. So I wonder what work was done using “custom Visual basic program code” written by him. Anyways, who in their right mind uses Visual Basic?
TheDeadlyShoe said,
December 2, 2006 at 8:07
Merciful God. That very first picture is PERFECT.
The Pluralisation Police said,
December 2, 2006 at 8:34
I am now a proud member of the 910 Phoenices
There, fixed.
Mysticdog said,
December 2, 2006 at 9:22
As an aside, have you seen where http://www.sadlyno.org takes you these days? Its like stepping into an alternate, angry, stupid universe. A favorite line:
“Bush-Rice’s lexicon during the meetings in Amman and with Abbas is worth noting. ‘Crushing sanctions’ against the Hamas-run Palestine are merely a withdrawal of aid which should not be handed out in the first place. Relative to its GDP, Palestine receives more aid than any other nation.”
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 2, 2006 at 10:37
Adamantium would solve the righties’ psychoses, and would make them cool superheroes to boot.
Can you see The Dick, Condo the Righteous and The Codpiece taking off to their secret lair in Montana? Ridding the world of wimpy liberalism with compassion, but kicking ass in the process?
Telling Kim Jong to put his Il where the sun don’t shine?
Taking on Iran with their bare hands and the money of international conglomerates with offshore funds?
Man my brain gets funky when it’s late.
And I ate Chinese late. Always a mistake.
RobW said,
December 2, 2006 at 12:10
secret lair in Montana
The Dick’s lair is in Wyoming. The others crash on his couch or in sleeping bags on the floor. In pj’s with feet.
America! Fuck Yeah!!
RobW said,
December 2, 2006 at 12:15
Just wondering…
Am I the only one here who thinks the Cheeto’s-colored lifted Cutlass with the gull-wing doors is kind of cool? Or am I the only southerner here?
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
December 2, 2006 at 12:41
No. I think not. I think the wackiness of the wingnut is a constant, although you might want to get the opinion of a physicist to confirm.
I used to hold to Swank’s Constant as a reliable fixed point in our unstable universe of flux and evanescence. But now… not so sure. I’m beginning to suspect that there are actually no physical limits on the winginess of the wacknuts, because some of them — not necessarily named Noonan — seem to have ditched this cognitive-dissonance business. They have no qualms about contradicting themselves, nor any scruples either, for they are large, they contain multitudes.
To follow on from a comment from Mikey, a week or two ago — arguing with them is like arguing with a fervent sports fan. Suppose you support Team A; you work yourself into a frenzy during arguments at the pub, and spout all manner of predictions about how well they are going to do in the season. But when they go down 113 to 7 in their first game, is your worldview affected in any way by this clash with harsh reality? Do you feel obliged to adjust your opinions to fit the empirical facts, or to accept your limitations as a prophet? Sadly, no. You shrug and begin to work yourself into a frenzy for the return game.
Alex said,
December 2, 2006 at 15:04
Never heard of this blog until somebody pointed me to this thread.
Priceless. Just priceless.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
December 2, 2006 at 16:26
Fourth- and fifth-generation information warfare? William Lind and John Robb for the Cheetoh-eating set.
mmm...lemonheads said,
December 2, 2006 at 17:00
“Just wondering…
Am I the only one here who thinks the Cheeto’s-colored lifted Cutlass with the gull-wing doors is kind of cool? Or am I the only southerner here?”
I think it’s just you. Or car guys.
The doors are cool, though.
J— said,
December 2, 2006 at 20:41
Welcome, Alex.
RobW: I’m not a southerner, but I think it’s cool too.
Indy said,
December 2, 2006 at 22:53
Here in SE Tenn, there is a guy around town who has a flour-white cadilac, jacked up w/ similar rims, and the pilsbury doughboy painted on the doorpanels
Mr. Roarke's Brand Salad Dressing's Poops said,
December 2, 2006 at 23:03
Alex,
House rules:
1. Pub Mix is for everyone, but if you eat the last of it, try to pick up some more at Costco.
2. No poo in the L.
3. Welcome! Here is your lei. What is your Fantasy?
Jillian said,
December 2, 2006 at 23:30
Pub mix is bad for you. Have you checked the sodium content on that stuff?
I’ll make popovers for the lot of you if someone brings the jam.
pwn3rship society said,
December 2, 2006 at 23:35
Not only did that kill political satire, it resurrected it as a zombie, killed it again, then violated its corpse.
LA Confidential Pantload said,
December 3, 2006 at 6:52
Let me guess, a 910 Group is sorta like a 14/88 Group for chickenhawks instead of skinheads.
craigie said,
December 3, 2006 at 6:56
Shouldn’t it be the 912 group? Wouldn’t that be more logical?
Oh, wait, logic… Nevermind.
RobW said,
December 3, 2006 at 20:58
I thought the 912 group was a 4-cylinder Porsche club.
mikey said,
December 3, 2006 at 20:59
Shouldn’t it be the 912 group?
Why, does today’s hippest islamofascist terrah-ist prefer Porsches?
mikey
Herr Doktor Bimler said,
December 3, 2006 at 21:38
912, birth of Otto the Great. It was all downhill after the Ottonian dynasty.
RobW said,
December 4, 2006 at 6:45
Ok, old joke…
What’s the difference between Porsches and porcupines?
Porcupines carry pricks on the outside.
LanceThruster said,
December 4, 2006 at 20:10
Take one enormous Messianic complex, add multiple parts Red Dawn bravado, streak liberally with chickenhawk, fold in generous doses of Der Sturmer, shake and bake and what do you get? The contents of the “B” ark in Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy. Please leave the telephone sanitizers on your way out.
Kansas Anarchist said,
December 6, 2006 at 7:23
We know this is wrong, because the 910 Group has delegated the task of finding these people, and a sub-network has been formed, a group of what we call “Free Muslim� organizations.
This just cracked me up. We know it’s true, because we created a subcommittee to find them. If they weren’t there to be found, we couldn’t have possibly created a subcommittee. Just like those WMDs. They had to be there, because people were looking for them.
Kansas Anarchist said,
December 6, 2006 at 7:32
Take one enormous Messianic complex, add multiple parts Red Dawn bravado, streak liberally with chickenhawk,….
A brown-colored streak, no doubt.
digamma.net - notes » The Most Coherent Writing on the Web said,
July 18, 2007 at 15:25
[…] Gates of Vienna, by the way, is hilarious for other reasons. […]