With Shapiro, you can just hear his parents guilt-tripping him about enjoying the parties, the cookies, a chaste little drink, Esther’s naughty courtship. “No, Ben, Purim’s about evil. The other kids having fun? How disgusting!”

Crying and whining and carrying on when anybody even looks at them sideways. Jesus Christ, can’t we wish a little innocent kharmic (or actual) pain and suffering on the evil Ashcroft without them bursting into tears? Or the ever inspired “Oh Oh follow the leader or we’ll all be lost!” when it was the GODDAMN LEADER WHO GOT US LOST IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The next Republican who says “you’re a liberal so you have to be nice to me” should get a spanking and sent to bed without their supper so we grownups can watch TV in peace and quiet after a long day making the world a better place to live in.

You know, Gary Aldrich has a damn fine point here.

I just visited some John Wayne fan sites and read his bio carefully… would you believe that although he made dozens of war movies, the phoney bastard never actually served in the military?

Now, who does THAT remind you of?

First I’ve heard of it, but if so…he’s doubly courageous! And he can match the c.v. implicit in Bush campaign slogan:

“Bush 2004. Masturbator. Liberator.”

Too true. Thinking about a wounded Kerry chasing down a rocket-equipped VC on a marshy riverbank so they could hold hands and dialogue about gender equality issues…I mean, it seemed cool at the time, but in retrospect, it’s just kind of embarrassing.

And despite the claims of Kerry’s “heroism” trumped up by men whose lives he saved, we have proof that Bush committed at least one irrefutable act of courage: During the initiation into Skull & Bones, you have to lie in a coffin and masterbate in front of the senior committee (probably the major reason Bush Twin Barbara was disappointed about recently being turned down for membership). Now I don’t know about you, but if it’s a choice between the fetid, Charlie-infested jungles of Viet Nam, and pulling a one-man circle jerk in the frat house, I think most of us would say “Saigon, Ho!” at the first opportunity.

The really scary part is that, to so many sallow, Gollum-esque NRO readers, Jonah is cool.

Which is another good reason we should allow gay marriage. Twice the fatherhood!

Although you might find it fit to satirize Maggie’s column, it has a grain of truth.

A fatherless child is:
-More likely to be suspended or expelled from school, and attend fewer days’ worth of school and fewer years’ worth of school.

-Fatherless children score far lower on college entrance exams and are considerably more likely to be unemployed both in their teens and their early 20s.

According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, they are
32 times more likely to run away.
20 times more likely to spend time in prison.
20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders.
14 times more likely to commit rape.
10 times more likely to abuse drugs or alcohol.
9 times more likely to drop out of high school.
5 times more likely to commit suicide.

In fact, fatherlessness has a stronger correlation with all of these things than does either race or income. Just food for thought…

Wait a minute, let me see if I can wrap my brain around this one.

Even though “the worst attack ever launched against America” happened with Bush in office, we should be grateful because a second attack hasn’t occurred while he’s been in office?

Please excuse me; I must go pick up the pieces of my leaking brain now.

Goldberg: when I was in college we’d say, “Lighten up, Francis.”

[::snort::] He’s probably referring to conversations between him and his mom.

But the creepiest by far was Ben Shapiro. In his vast 20 years of wisdom, he comes up with this: God rarely works through overt miracles but rather through people. So the killing of the wicked is a Godly act. He cites Purim, where the emperor Ahasuerus says instead of killing Jews, kill Jew-haters. Then they found 75,000 of them and did just that. Two obvious questions: Shapiro admits God isn’t even mentioned in this episode, so how is Ahasuerus’ decree a divine act? And was due process followed in determining whether folks were irremedial Jew-haters and therefore needed to be exterminated?

Methinks Little Bennie needs to crack open the Ark of the Covenant and see whether there was an asterisk next to “Thou Shalt Not Kill”. And then he might want to review the motives and justifications of the Holocaust’s perpetrators.

I’m a practicing Buddhist who loathes the idea of religious justification for murder. In our tradition, I must admit, there are cases where it’s possible. But there are about 16 stringent conditions which must be met. These include having the ability to read another’s mind (literally–this is considered a minor accomplishment in Buddhist meditation) and know they are about to commit a heinous action, the prevention of which will spare them horrible karmic consequence. And one must be free of hatred, but rather imbued with pure compassion.

Now, this is not to say that Buddhists don’t try to stop negative behavior where they can (hence, my activity to remove Bush & Co. from power). But the idea is to train internally to approach any given situation with compassion and the wisdom of equanimity.

OK, sermon over, but Bennie’s got a lot to learn before he legitimately condones any more smiting.