Jan
12

If Our Genitals Are Public Property, Can We Take the Conservative Option and Put Them Up For Auction?




Posted at 2:31 by Cerberus

Public property, more like pubic property, amirite? #yesiam10yearsold

Tim Graham, News Bluster:
Katie Couric Upsets the “Trans Women” By Asking Those Uncomfortable Questions

Uggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Fine. Fuck it.

Penis.

Dick. Trouser Titan. AC/DC’s Big Balls. Wang. One Eyed Snake Monster. Cock.

Bring up the subject of transwomen to most people on the planet and you can struggle to count the nanoseconds before people start wanting to wax poetic on ding-dongs and schlongs. Which isn’t to say that transmen get it any easier. Most general public discussion of transmen inevitably devolves to an endless round of snatch talk and muff elocution.

All. The. Fucking. Time. And one starts to wonder after awhile if there’s something desperately wrong with cisgendered people to cause them to become more obsessed with the exact state of trans people’s genitals than a family dog with their own butthole.

Overall, it is the thing that people think of when they think trans people and unfortunately like most “one things” that privileged people know about a minority community, it tends to become the sole vector of discourse and interaction. I’ve had random dudes on the street inquire about the state of my genitals simply that’s the only commonly understood point of understanding for too many people.

And it comes with a number of downsides. Obsession about my genitals and the state of them was used as an excuse for my dad to dismiss and look down upon my existence. And I guaran-fucking-tee that the association of trans* people with genitals and then the following attempt to associate that with me being a teacher was a driving force of the justification for discriminating me out of a decent job I loved.

And that being the only thing people associate with trans* people is what leads clueless, but well-meaning, people like Katie Couric to think that it’s required for a trans* person to talk about their junk on national TV on a daytime meaningless talk show.*

Which is why it was something remarkable and downright badass to have human awesome machine, Laverne Cox, actually get right down to the reality of what being trans* in America means instead of playing into the same old dance of letting the trans* experience begin and end with one damn procedure that a good number of trans* people do not even get.

Needless to say, conservatives lost their damn fool minds over this.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • So-called trannies want to pretend that they are more than their genitals. But we must scrutinize every inch of their wing-wongs or vayjayjays in order to best know how to criticize them as the sex-obsessed freaks they are.

    Please join me next week for my weekly article on how liberals are sex-obsessed crude assholes.

I’d say it’d be difficult for conservatives not to know irony, but then I remembered that people tend to be anonymous in truck stop restrooms.

Katie Couric’s upsetting the leftists again.

I wonder if conservatives ever get whiplash from how quickly they have to change their views on various figures based on whatever story is in the news. Grr. Russia is out-of-control and trying to restart the Cold War for protecting Edward Snownden. Oh, wait, Russia is the greatest country in the world for hating gay people. Katie Couric is double Hitler for daring to ask standard interview fluff questions of Sister Sarah the Immaculate! Katie Couric is our beloved conservative martyr because she was mildly criticized for not doing a good job respecting Carmen Carrera’s and Laverne Cox’s boundaries.

It makes me want to flash between viewpoints really fast just to see if it’ll cause a couple of heads to explode.

The “girl-on-girl culture site” Autostraddle

Oh hey, lesbian culture blog Autostraddle got a shout out. Awesome!

was unhappy that she had to ask the inevitable “genitals” questions

Oh right, this dickwaffle. Yes, the genital question is apparently inevitable, like the heat death of the universe or a statement of mind-boggling stupidity in a conversation with a conservative. The very ebb and flow of the cosmos is inexorably bound to this inherent reality, as much as the Laws of Thermodynamics.

The “question” simply must be. For how can one know how to interact with a trans* person if their genital configuration were unclear? It’s just madness.

But yeah, it’s not even that trans* people are unwilling in appropriate venues to talk about this shit. You ask as a friend or need some education dropped on you, yeah, I’ll let that shit fly. Hell, my dating profile puts it up top right next to my asexuality so that no one can claim they were caught unawares.

No, it’s more the everpresent fixation and the assumption that it is every single person’s inherent duty to find out the exact state of every trans* person they meet’s junk.

I mean, let’s be honest. If these were ciswomen? There is no way in hell Katie Couric would be asking them about their vaginas or the state of their vulvas. And if either Carmen Carrera or Laverne Cox had decided to respond to her question with an equal question of their own, say, asking Katie Couric about the heaviness of her flows or what exactly she uses during menstruation or what her vulva looks like, then they would have been soundly criticized for being grossly inappropriate and right-wingers would have been crowing for weeks about how they were right that trans* people were disgusting perverts.

But trans* people are expected to always be on, every day, to answer the “question”. And then, to be judged on how they handle the question or to put up with more entitled bullshit about junk and eventual surgeries simply because that’s the only conversation privileged cispeople are willing to have with trans* people at the moment.

And that’s kind of super disappointing. I mean, not only are trans* people way more interesting than something that only affects them and their sexual partners at best, but cispeople deserve more than to be sidetracked by an immature and puerile discussion simply because they think they are obligated to ask.

when she had on two men on her talk show Monday who dress like women (“trans women”)

Cool story, cis.

model Carmen Carrera and actor Laverne Cox. As might be expected, Couric promotionally titled the segment “Transgender Trailblazers.”

We assume that just saying this will be enough to send our inbred fanbase into seal cries of outrage and laughter, because heh, because we are assuming that trans* people aren’t real humans, but rather evil space aliens set on destroying church and family.

Heh, silly trans* people.

“The real trouble started when Couric started to ask Ms. Carrera if transitioning was painful because of all the surgery that she had to go through. Carmen looked a little confused and responded by talking a little about her nose job and breast augmentation

Yeeaaah. That’s sort of another big problem with “the surgery question” as it were. Hell, leaving aside all issues of minimization and assuming a random tyranny of genitals, there’s the simple fact that there isn’t just one surgery that trans* people can get, if they even get surgeries at all.

I mean, sure, Katie Couric probably knew that she meant vaginoplasty (a surgery where a penis is inverted and formed into a vulva and vagina), but there is also orchiectomy (which can be a surgery to remove the balls which is popular because most fucking states require some form of surgery before they allow trans* people to change their legal name and sex). Also tracheal shaves (some transwomen get these if they have prominent Adam’s Apples causing them distress), vocal chord surgeries, or even facial feminization surgeries. And it gets even more messy for transmen. The far most common surgery there is usually bilateral mastectomy (the removal of breast tissue), followed by maybe an hysterectomy (the removal of the uterus), but “the surgery question” usually fixates on phalloplasty (construction of a penis), even though that’s usually very uncommon because it currently kind of sucks.

Which brings up some other things that are lost in the whole calvacade of the question.

1) Trans* people aren’t just transsexuals seeking medical transition. There are a good number of trans* people who don’t identify as specifically male or female or even exclusively male or female. There are another strong group of trans* people who don’t seek any specifically medical transition because they feel their gender dysphoria (feeling their body and public appearance doesn’t match the internal reality of their gender) is resolved easily enough by adopting a style of dress or just enforcing pronouns with friends, family, and local community.

2) Hey whatever, let’s just assume it’s a parallel universe where every single trans person is seeking specifically medical transition and not just because most gatekeeper organizations require such to “prove one is serious” enough to change legal sex. Cool, fine. Even then, yeeeeeaaaaahhhh, surgery ain’t the most important event in a transitioning person’s life. I mean, leaving aside that whole having a life outside of just being trans* thing aside, surgery just isn’t that central to the whole transition process, the process by which people who are medically transition, actually do so.

For some people it can be a capstone, it can be something one scrimps and saves for. And certainly in all our media it is presented as the part where you “finish” and now will forever disappear into the background as just a regular cis person who will never be targeted for murder, discrimination, or harassment again. Hell, it can even be an important thing, but it’s not usually central.

And hell, we’ll even go another step further and erase far more impactful moments of transitioning like coming out, the moment you realize that you are trans*, the first time you go out in public dressed as yourself, or the first time a loved one or a stranger refers to you by your correct pronoun (feels like fucking magic, that does) and focus once more on just medical events.

And even under that narrow fucking focus, it ain’t the surgery that’s impactful. Not compared to hormones.

Cause, see, the focus on surgery maintains the illusion that being trans* is an illusion, a fiction by delusional little people who need complicated “tricks” in order to ape the totally unique and unlike each other body of the “opposite” sex.

But the dirty little secret of medical transition. The part that makes conservatives shiver in their holes at the thought of trans* people being treated like people, is that transition is just puberty.

Sure, it’s a belated puberty for a lot of people. A puberty that needs to be undergone because nature was cruel and forced the body through a puberty not meant for it, but a puberty nonetheless.

A change in the body as one grows up into an adult of their proper sex. And leaving aside the other aspects of puberty, the random pink phases or butch phases where car pajamas were the coolest things or trying to dress adult and then learning to tone it down, and focusing on just the medical and biological aspects of it.

Hormones are king. Hormones take one so far, even after spending so many damn years in a body pumping out the wrong damn hormones and growing the wrong damn body, it is fucking magical. And there are plenty of trans* people who started out following the media pieces on how they needed a million surgeries, finding out that a few years on hormones made those questions almost moot or certainly much less pressing.

And that’s all before the human consideration. Before we talk about anything else. And it’s a big reason why having random idiots on TV thinking the trans* experience begins and ends with creating the “opposite” sex organs and more importantly thinking it’s appropriate to grill their trans* guests on this issue on national television as if it was a Masturbate-a-thon (P.S. Don’t grill a trans* person about their junk at a Masturbate-a-thon, it will not end well for you).

and that’s when Katie pounced,” the author “Mey” complained. “She immediately asked if Carmen’s “private parts” are “different now” and if she’s had that surgery yet.” Carmen Carrera responded perfectly. First she literally shushed Katie Couric, trying to get her to stop asking such a private thing. Then she told her “I don’t want to talk about it, it’s really personal” and she told Katie that there’s a lot more to get than her genitals. She said, “after the transition there’s still life to live, I still have my career goals, I still have my family goals.”

In other words, no, I haven’t changed the “bottom.”

Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh man! You got ‘em. You fucking nailed those looney libs to the goddamn carpet! No, indeed. BURRRRNNN!

Oh by the way, do you still have that micropenis? Yeah, I thought so.

Also, dude. Put down the scare quotes and drink yourself some damn water. You’re going to end up getting scare quote poisoning if you keep on downing them at that rate.

Cox, of the Netflix prison “dark comedy” series “Orange Is the New Black,” said she doesn’t see herself as a “role model,” she prefers the term “possibility model.” It’s possible to pretend to be a woman and use a urinal.

Ohhhhhhh! Got ‘em again! You know how to skewer those “kerrazzzy” leftists!

I mean, let’s not focus on the point Laverne Cox tried to make with using “possibility model” as an alternative to “role model”, noting that it feels hubristic to claim that people should follow her exactly as if she was a one-size-fit-all for the trans* experience rather than just an example of one possible trans* person who is out there in a public space. That might make one think as well as dismantle arguments from authority by bigots like us.

Better to just pull out some bizarre genital focus as if it was a weapon designed to silence.

Which, yeah, is kinda the other big elephant in the room about “the question” and obsessions about whether trans people have or have not had bottom surgery and general comments about trans* people genitals.

Not only is it a sad attempt to assume a primacy of genitals that frankly ignores the fact that A) genitals don’t designate gender 100% even if we were to take all the trans* people and shoot them on a rocket ship off to the moon and B) the disturbing implications raised by trying to pretend that sex organs are inherent parts of being a man or a woman.

I mean, if a ciswoman gets ovarian cancer and needs to get her uterus removed, is she suddenly a man in the eyes of these numbnuts? How about a dude with testicular cancer or hell, even just a dude who gets his tubes tied? Are they to be designated women just so there can be some iron line in the sand against trans* people?

But beyond all that, it’s just a perfect demonstration of the fact that conservatives don’t understand comedy or snark or deconstructions of argument.

All they understand is bullying and using privilege as a cudgel against an underclass until the backlash against such casual cruelty grows so loud they have to start whining about how their victims are now the bullies and they’re the ones under attack.

I mean, fuck, he seems downright gleeful about bringing this up. And he specifically hopes this will wound his target and by association all those like her. And he knows this has the potential to wound simply because the reality of gender dysphoria means that trans* people tend to have complex if not negative reactions to secondary and primary sex characteristics that cause people to doubt or undermine the reality of their gender.

He hopes that fixating on whether or not a woman has a cock will cause shame and self-loathing in all women who have cocks.

And he wants that reaction because it’s the only way he can feel like he is a better person simply for having lucked out into a simple puberty that fit his actual gender.

And that’s actually fucking fascinating from a psychological perspective and really does get to the heart of what drives conservatives and why they suck so damn bad as people.

Couric kept turning the subject back to the bulge issue:

Unfortunately, that’s when Katie got back on the surgery track. Couric explained that she just wants to be educated and that a lot of people are curious because they’re “not familiar with transgenders.” She told Cox that Carrera had “recoiled” when asked about surgery and said that cis people are preoccupied with “the genitalia question.”

Yeah…about that.

Hell, fuck it, you can watch the videos yourself. Being random morning show fluff, it only takes about 10 minutes total.

As you can see, Katie Couric asked about a guest’s junk on national TV, Carmen Carrera dodged it, because, y’know morning show and then Katie Couric decided in a separate interview with her second guest to try and passively-aggressively shame her for not answering her super important question about weiners (because apparently America needs to know before all of America is going to bed with her tonight or something) and poor Carmen Carrera is just left kind of stunned at the sheer display of aggressive privilege.

Hell, if it wasn’t for this bit, I doubt it would have made the rounds much at all. Sadly, trans* people are expected to answer mostly questions about surgery and the state of one’s junk and it’s just seen as routine. But when Couric upped that usual presumptiveness and assumed that denying her an answer was a slight and that it was therefore justified to demand backup from a second trans guest in confirming that it is “rude” for a trans* person to not talk about their junk on national TV.

Because apparently, that’s how any of that works.

Remove that bit of aggressive douchebaggery or maybe Laverne Cox’s epic smackdown and this isn’t a story and the overpaid hacks at Wannabe Drudge have to find something else to be smug about.

Couric wondered if Cox felt the same way about that question and about cis people’s attitudes towards trans women.

As soon as Cox started telling her that, yes, she keeps her private parts private and that cis people do have an obsession with trans women’s genitalia, she really started picking up steam. Cox said that the preoccupation with genitalia and transition objectifies trans women and distracts us from the real issues.

You do realize, said Drudge Wannabe hack, that your attempt to cut off a trans* person’s legitimate point with examples of the rate of murder of trans* people (especially trans women of color) and other forms of discrimination, so as to make them look silly, doesn’t really work all that fucking well when you then follow it up with a video of the entire conversation.

Talk about your bigotry fails.

Couric wasn’t exactly hitting hard from a conservative direction:

COURIC; All of us want to be educated, and Carmen recoiled a little bit about when I asked about her transition and she said that people who are not educated or familiar with transgender, they’re preoccupied with the genitalia question, and I’m wondering if you think that’s true, and if you have the same feelings about that that Carmen does.

COX: I do, and [to Carrera] I was really proud of you for saying that. I do feel there is a preoccupation with that. The preoccupation with transition and surgery objectifies trans people. And then we don’t get to really deal with the real lived experiences. The reality of trans people’s lives is that so often we’re targets of violence. We experience discrimination disproportionately to the rest of the community. Our unemployment rate is twice the national average; if you are a trans person of color, it’s four times the national average. The homicide rate in the LGBT community is highest among trans women. If we focus on transition, we don’t actually get to talk about those things.

Or yeah, if you straight up quote the section with legitimate points…

Fuck, man, that was so much of an own-goal, that it was practically the climactic shot in a sports movie in reverse.

“Mey,” the author at Autostraddle, concluded Couric and others shouldn’t ask “transitioning” men “inappropriate questions about their bodies.

Maybe if we keep calling them men, then they will go away and stop disproving our narrow and ignorant beliefs of a vast separation between men and women. And then maybe we won’t have to go through the same arc in 20-40 years where our favorite dismissed group of bullying targets turns out to be recognized as people deserving of equal protection under the law (i.e. are the real bullies, oh my god, why are they so mean).

I’m extremely tired of every story about trans women focusing on their transition, so when both Carrera and Cox spoke out against that line of questioning, I was cheering at my TV. Hopefully, as more and more resources are available, people won’t feel so comfortable asking strangers about what surgeries they’ve had and what their genitals look like. Trans people are more than just our bodies, and these two women showed that in the absolute best way possible.”

Did I mention that Autostraddle is awesome. Cause, yes. Yes, to all of that quoted section.

And yeah, as always, avoid the tigers in the comment section unless you like to see ignorant people fist deep in an elephant trying to talk about what they notice about its trunk.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Factory presets or floor model, who knows, who cares? We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*By the way, thanks to the reader who emailed me a link to the article cited. You made my day.

**Bonus shorter:

Eugene Slaven, American Whitey:
The Great Race Hoax

Shorter :

  • Obama secretly hid his blackity blackness from us during the elections! I demand a mulligan!

311 Comments »

  1. Shakezula said,

    January 12, 2014 at 2:49

    We all know how this started:

    OMG THOSE WOMEN ARE SOOO HOT, I’M GOING TO START MASTURBATING WHILE I WATCH THEM TALK ONLY I’LL IMAGINE I HAVE THEM TIED UP AND – HOLY SHIT THEY’RE NOT REAL WOMEN AS I DEFINE WOMEN AND THAT’S THE ONLY DEFINITION THAT COUNTS.

    THE SHAME! NOW I MUST STICK MY DICK IN BLEACH!! OOOOH THE SORES ON MY DINGUS, IT BURNSSSSS!

    DAMN YOU TRANSGENDER PEOPLE!! I’M SO GLAD KATIE ASKED ABOUT YOUR NAUGHTY BITS THAT I WILL BRIEFLY FORGIVE HER FOR THAT TERRIBLE HORRIBLE UNFAIR AND COMPLETELY STUPID GOTCHA INTERRORGATION OF SARAH PALIN.

    Sorry about the all caps, but that’s how they think.

    p.s. The photoshop, it is awesome.

    p.s.s. Slaven? That’s really his name?

  2. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 12, 2014 at 2:51

    is tsam happy? Yes he is,

  3. Failure Artist said,

    January 12, 2014 at 3:17

    It’s scary how Tim Graham is so sure of his side he quotes the other side fully without adding a rebuttal as if anyone confronting the original arguments would laugh just as hard as him instead of thinking they had a point.

    Imagine if Katie Couric had asked Palin if she was planning to have surgery to get her tubes tied?

  4. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 12, 2014 at 3:19

    I wonder if conservatives ever get whiplash from how quickly they have to change their views on various figures based on whatever story is in the news. Grr. Russia is out-of-control and trying to restart the Cold War for protecting Edward Snownden. Oh, wait, Russia is the greatest country in the world for hating gay people. Katie Couric is double Hitler for daring to ask standard interview fluff questions of Sister Sarah the Immaculate! Katie Couric is our beloved conservative martyr because she was mildly criticized for not doing a good job respecting Carmen Carrera’s and Laverne Cox’s boundaries.

    We have always been at war with Eastasia!

  5. Austin Loomis said,

    January 12, 2014 at 3:49

    B4, can you call it “doublethink” when there’s no actual thinking involved in the first place, just prejudice rearrangement?

  6. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 12, 2014 at 3:50

    B4, can you call it “doublethink” when there’s no actual thinking involved in the first place, just prejudice rearrangement?

    That’s a doubleplusgood question!

  7. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 12, 2014 at 5:20

    Oh right, this dickwaffle. Yes, the genital question is apparently inevitable, like the heat death of the universe or a statement of mind-boggling stupidity in a conversation with a conservative. The very ebb and flow of the cosmos is inexorably bound to this inherent reality, as much as the Laws of Thermodynamics.

    Having time to consider this issue, I have to note that obsession with the “cloacal bits” is a hallmark of all of these yahoos. The same-sex marriage debate always ends up in an obsession with anal sex. The contraception issue always ends up in speculations about the sex lives of women.

    “Lowest Common Denominator” is, sadly, the default setting.

  8. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 12, 2014 at 7:13

    Don’t despair. Sarah Palin is doing another reality show.

    (On something called “Sportsman Channel.” Is public-access far behind?)

  9. Fenwick said,

    January 12, 2014 at 7:40

    I wrote a five-paragraph comment … but the machine ate it. I blame Obamacare. And Benghazi.

    Most of the eaten comments were autobiographical: My longest and best friend (32 years) came out as transgender @ two years ago. After talking to a sibling, I was the second person my friend called with the news. In the commentary destroyed by Obamacare, I reconstructed the first ten seconds of the telephone call as I experienced it.

    I also commented on my friend’s surgeries during her transition, for that seemed on-topic. Fortunately, she had financial resources for brow reduction, jaw reduction, and adam’s apple removal. She undergoes regular facial electralysis (sp?); fortunately her hair is light-colored. Last November, she had genitalia surgery. Over the last two years, she has undergone a great deal of physical pain during her transformation.

    She has also endured a great deal of psychological pain, especially with her daughters and their mother. Fortunately, her parents, siblings, and closest friends support her and love her. (I wish there was a Magic Balm to heal your wounds, Cerb.)

    What I was working toward was a thank-you to Cerb for explaining trans* issues and–most of all–trans* perspectives at SN. I have learned much from reading your SN posts. You do good in the world and have an effect on the world. Also, I admire your bravery and spirit.

  10. Fenwick said,

    January 12, 2014 at 7:44

    BBBB: You’re up late, pardner. Pulling another weekend night shift?

  11. Fenwick said,

    January 12, 2014 at 7:52

    The Sportsman Channel also has an ad promoting another program: Meat Eater. Sounds like sexytimes.

  12. Thread Bear said,

    January 12, 2014 at 11:31

    From the American Cosmetic Surgery Network…

    Cosmetic surgical procedures increased almost 9 percent, with over 1.6 million procedures in 2010. Surgical procedures accounted for 17% of the total numbers of procedure performed representing 61% of total expenditures. The top five surgical procedures were:
    •Breast Augmentation (318,123)
    •Liposuction (289,016)
    •Eyelid Surgery (152,123)
    •Abdominoplasty (144,929)
    •Breast Reduction (138,152)

    It seems to me that with numbers like this there are far more cis folk who are not comfortable with the body they were born with than there are trans. Hell, add in tattoos, body piercings, hair coloring and dental work such as crowns and dentures and you will be left with an extremely small percentage of Americans who have not altered their appearance in some manor. So why the fuck does Katie feel the need to call these two people out on something that most everybody does. I’d be willing to bet that Katie has had a “procedure” or two.

  13. Smut Clyde said,

    January 12, 2014 at 12:37

    add in tattoos, body piercings, hair coloring and dental work such as crowns and dentures

    Thread Bear forgot to mention TEH FORESKIN HOLOCAUST.

  14. Smut Clyde said,

    January 12, 2014 at 12:40

    The Sportsman Channel also has an ad promoting another program: Meat Eater
    Which brings Tbogg to mind:

    CNN’s Crossfire, which is the least watched reality show on teevee outside of Who Wants A Barium Enema?

  15. Sophia, NOT Loren! said,

    January 12, 2014 at 13:16

    Cool story, cis.

    Stealing this!

    @Fenwick — mostly off-topic, but… Lazarus Form Recovery browser addon has saved me from countless “the machine ate my post” headaches. It’s available for Chrome and Firefox, so it might be worth checking out!

  16. Athena's Owl, Liz said,

    January 12, 2014 at 15:04

    I agree with B4 about the obsession with genitals. I don’t spend a lot of time thinking about people’s sex lives, gay or straight, and I really don’t dedicate time to imagining most people nekkid. Most. Some are the object of delicious thoughts…. But I digress.

    Wasn’t this obsession also the main thrust (lol) of that Duck Dynasty dude’s comment on teh gayz? Gays are gross because, ewwww buttholes! While vaginas are pretty and fresh like old-fashioned roses.

    I think Cerberus is on to something when she suggests helping these poor fools live out some sexual fantasy…

  17. Gay In the USA said,

    January 12, 2014 at 15:21

    Gays are so much better than TGs and TVs. We were born this way.

  18. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    January 12, 2014 at 15:38

    A Moron Who Pulled An Offensive Analogy Out of Their Ass

    Seems we have one on this very thread, here are 5 more of them:

    http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/5-morons-who-pulled-offensive-analogies-out-their-ass/

  19. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 12, 2014 at 16:12

    I am usually a fan of Cracked’s lists but that one was just plain wrnog. I mean, where’s Shia?

  20. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 12, 2014 at 16:34

    Also too, despite my obsession with PENIS[1], I don’t think I would have fixated the way Katie did. Chirping like an incessant little bug.

    And also too, what was the point? Was it supposed to be some sort of “Gotcha!” moment? An attempt to expose a transgendered model as not the Trailblazer her show is promoting her as? Maybe it was a bold exposee, blowing the lid off of a massive news story – BREAKING NOT ALL TRANSGENDERED PEOPLE HAVE HAD REASSIGNMENT SURGERY.

    [1] Totes heterosexually that is. PENIS.

  21. Major Kong said,

    January 12, 2014 at 16:51

    Also too, despite my obsession with PENIS[1]

    Mine keeps me plenty occupied without having to worry about somebody else’ or their lack thereof.

  22. Gator90 said,

    January 12, 2014 at 17:34

    Cerberus, for what it’s worth, I would be honored to have you as my children’s teacher.

  23. Failure Artist said,

    January 12, 2014 at 18:06

    Objecting to homosexuality because of anal sex is like objecting to heterosexuality because of period sex. Not all of them do it and if they do, what business is it of yours?

  24. Failure Artist said,

    January 12, 2014 at 18:08

    Unless they do it on your new white leather couch.

  25. CRA said,

    January 12, 2014 at 18:43

    Conservatives’ obsession with trans-parts can be understood as yet more self-absorption.

    They don’t like to question their orientations, and worry that others might doubt their straightness. Some people refuse to make uptight cons’ fantasies, ogling, and hookups as simple as they’d like: free of shame, rage, and confusion.

    These folks propose that they won’t change; instead, everything in the world that’s confusing, ambiguous, or makes them feel uncomfortable, etc., should go away, change, or submit to destruction. Their cherished mythical golden age is as much one of simplicity as anything else. Same with heaven: everyone you see is a good guy/gal, and it follows that they’ve got the expected stuff under their white robes.

  26. Shakezula said,

    January 12, 2014 at 18:46

    Objecting to homosexuality because of anal sex is like objecting to heterosexuality because of period anal sex.

    The conservative argument is based on two false statements:
    Only gay men have anal sex.
    All gay men have anal sex.

    It is an argument they make less now because people will point out that various forms of sodomy are widely practiced by various forms of people. Most Cons aren’t willing to argue that only penile/vaginal sex should be legal because they’re trying to maintain influence with the general pubic.

  27. tigris said,

    January 12, 2014 at 19:08

    Fast forward to today. President Obama’s race is no longer a footnote. It is central to his presidency. It is arguably his defining characteristic.

    Gottdamn leftists making conservatives just now notice Obama is black.

  28. God said,

    January 12, 2014 at 20:07

    I love the gays better than you bleeping heteros. If you would just use the brains I gave you you would see that. I intelligently put gay men’s g-spots up their bums, ideally located to be massaged by a PENIS. How much more obvious could I have been?

  29. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    January 12, 2014 at 20:22

    We know that you’re the God of Assholes, why else would you leave comments here that are only feeble attempts at satire?

  30. God said,

    January 12, 2014 at 20:28

    Tread carefully, mortal. Your God is totes serious.

  31. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    January 12, 2014 at 20:33

    Ohhhhhhhhh, scary

    not.

  32. Major Kong said,

    January 12, 2014 at 20:39

    Tread carefully, mortal.

    From what I understand, he’s not terribly fond of impersonators.

    Perhaps you’re the one who should tread carefully, blasphemer.

  33. Pupienus said,

    January 12, 2014 at 21:14

    PENIS banana candle

  34. Fenwick said,

    January 12, 2014 at 23:35

    Banana Candle … possible band name?

    (No, I’m not going to start that game so early in the thread. I’m just being observant….)

  35. Fenwick said,

    January 12, 2014 at 23:43

    I’m sorta glad that God has taken responsibility for the creation of gays. That’s definite proof that homosexuality is NOT a ‘choice’; it’s the way some people are wired. Thanks for clearing that up for us!

  36. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 12, 2014 at 23:59

    (No, I’m not going to start that game so early in the thread. I’m just being observant….)

    I call dibs on “major sexual cheese fetish.”

    Ya know, with the world be full of sexual cheese fetishists and dragon sex with cars fetishists, LGBT people will soon be seen as pedestrian as Presbyterians.

  37. Thread Bear said,

    January 13, 2014 at 0:00

    OT, but I just had to share this. Free Lap Dances!!!

    http://www.drheckle.net/2013/10/live-nude-dogs-free-lap-dances.html

  38. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 0:14

    Also mens don’ have a G-spot, no matter what their orientation. Only the wimmins do. (*) Prolly another reason for the wingnut war on women: Envy and jealousy are powerful motives.
    I posit that these sex-obsessed dinosaurs have a suspicion that wimmins have better sexytimes than men do. (Example: Even the knowledge of Multiple Organsms must make these guys esplode with envy.) So maybe part of the War of Women is based on insecurity…resentment that wimmins may have more sexual enjoyment which infuriates them.

    The chattel obsession is probably the main reason for most of ‘em … but I imagine envy and jeolousy is a contributing cause to the War on Women. The jerkwads hate when people have fun and they don’t. Their ‘solution’: Nobody is allowed to have fun.

  39. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 13, 2014 at 0:19

    Also mens don’ have a G-spot, no matter what their orientation.

    You couldn’t be more wrong. But the regardless of orientation part is true. You’re just going to have to trust me on this. Unless, of course, you want me to link to pegging sites that will make the point far more graphically.

  40. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 0:20

    BBBB: Here’s another one from the article…

    Swiss Cheese Pervert

    (plural is optional, depending on the band’s preference)

  41. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 0:39

    Pup: Don’t bother with the links. I don’t intend to pursue this.

    In my defense, however, there was NO mention of a men’s G-spot in the Wiki article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G-Spot) which reads as if the G-Spot is unique to women. Indeed, the physical description locates it ONLY in a vagina.

    The G-Spot, also called the Gräfenberg Spot, is characterized as an erogenous, bean-shaped[1] area of the vagina that, when stimulated, can lead to strong sexual arousal, powerful orgasms and female ejaculation.[2] It is typically reported to be located one to three inches (2.5 to 7.6 cm) up the front (anterior) vaginal wall between the vaginal opening and the urethra and is a sensitive area that may be part of the female prostate.[3][4]

    By definition, male erogenous zones are not G-spots, no matter where they are located.

  42. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 1:17

    Let there be no strife. The gender-specifity of the G-spot is immaterial to my 0:14 comment. If you like, erase the two opening sentences–actually one sentence and fragment–and begin the comment with its thesis statement:

    Prolly another reason for the wingnut war on women: Envy and jealousy are powerful motives.

    Damn, I wish there were some women Sadlies in the conversation. Being the victims on the War on Women, they are the real experts imo. Also on anything that has to do with ladyparts and pleasure.

    It seems sort of dorky and presumptuous as a topic for a men-only conversation.

    i think I’ll head back to netflixing Apocalypse Now (the 2001 re-edit). The boat crew has just escaped with Kilgore’s surfboard. The Mango Hunt is about to begin.

    (((I am a big fan of Robert Duvall’s work. Lt Col Kilgore is one of his finest performances. My particular favorite is Gus McCrae in Lonesome Dove. Duvall has said in several interviews that he regards Gus McCrae as his best work.)))

  43. CRA said,

    January 13, 2014 at 1:19

    A lower-case g-spot

  44. Thread Bear said,

    January 13, 2014 at 1:40

    If you can hit the zero-g spot it will have your partner walking on air.

  45. Failure Artist said,

    January 13, 2014 at 1:41

    The right term is prostate, not G-spot, though the prostate is kind of like a male g-spot in that it makes being penetrated feel good.

    Female orgasms probably are better than male orgasms, but they are harder to get. I’m jealous guys can orgasm in five minutes.

  46. Thread Bear said,

    January 13, 2014 at 1:46

    Those who are good at sexting can hit the 3g spot but those who are great at sexting will hit the 4g spot.

  47. Major Kong said,

    January 13, 2014 at 2:13

    The Mango Hunt is about to begin.

    We watched Apocalypse Now a while back because my wife had never seen it.

    I had to explain why I couldn’t stop laughing when we got to the mango hunt scene.

  48. Thread Bear said,

    January 13, 2014 at 2:29

    The leaked chemical, 4-Methylcyclohexane Methanol, which is used for coal processing, causes nausea, dizziness, vomiting and eye and skin irritation upon exposure.

    Residents Sunday were still advised not to drink, bathe, wash clothes or dishes, or any other such activity until further notice.

    Well, as long as the coal’s clean who cares about a few hundred thousand dirty people.

  49. Suezboo said,

    January 13, 2014 at 2:47

    These kids and their newfangled Gspots! If the clit was good enough for me, it’s good enough for you lot.

  50. Gary Ruppert said,

    January 13, 2014 at 2:51

    The fact is, if people in West Virginia try to punish the coal industry for this leak, they will loose there livelinesses. Maybe they want to pay more taxes, too? How about keeping some water just in case? Besides, we no proof this chemical is dangersous that is prably a lot of liberal hooey, like Global Warming or the GWB crisis, well liberals ignore Benghazi, IRS, Fast and Furous.

  51. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 13, 2014 at 2:52

    Residents Sunday were still advised not to drink, bathe, wash clothes or dishes, or any other such activity until further notice.

    That’s Liberty Poison!

  52. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 3:33

    Another possible band name.

  53. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 13, 2014 at 3:35

    Anyone watching the Golden Globes?

  54. Syttende Mai said,

    January 13, 2014 at 4:46

    It has been clear for some time that Phil Robertson is more obsessed with men’s anunes than the family dog is with his own butthole. This bizarre and disturbing fact had more to do with his temporary suspension from that duck slaughter fantasy parade than any organised program of Christian Oppression.

    Deal with it, ignorant goobers.

  55. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 4:47

    I had to explain why I couldn’t stop laughing when we got to the mango hunt scene.

    Never get off the boat.

    As some Sadlies may recall, in the Olden Daysm I made it a practice to sit (or lounge) on the stern deck, wearing in a cream-colored tropical-weight linen suit, open at the neck, eyes shaded by an elegant wide-brimmed hat woven of fine, light-colored straw.

    While drinking mint juleps, I offered praise for brave souls leaving the boat into, well, who knows what dangers lurk in the fetid swamps of Wingnuttery. I marvelled at the stinkatude and grossness of the rotten mangos these courageous souls returned with. I often invited intrepid explorers to join me on the stern deck for drinks on my tab.

    However, I now leave the boat from time-to-time, sometimes even diving deep into the toxic Comments and other sludge at the bottom of the swamp. I generally leave the swamp expeditions to the expert explorers. But I’m now ready to change into appropriate exploration gear. The line suit gear was rather cumbersome, so I’ve changed my attire to khaki cargo shorts, canvas deck shoes, and outrageously-flamboyant Hawaiian shirts. The elegant wide-brimmed hat remains.

    I’ve also changed from mint juleps to tequila agave and sweet smoke.

    (((The genesis of this ramblin’ comment was the bold-faced line. In my haid, one thought / image rapidly led to another, and so to Sadlyboat expeditions of your, and eventually to descriptions of imaginary clothes. So that’s what happened, folks. I also blame Obamacare. Also Benghazi.)))

  56. Syttende Mai said,

    January 13, 2014 at 4:48

    That would be “anuses” not “anunes.” The norwegian public education system is powerful without being omnipotent.

  57. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 4:51

    ‘yore’ for ‘your’. Homophones function as they do because they are gay-married words.

  58. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 4:56

    Now back to Apocalypse. The boat is departing from the French plantation….

  59. Shakezula said,

    January 13, 2014 at 5:34

    If you can hit the zero-g spot it will have your partner walking on air.

    Brilliant.

  60. Crissa said,

    January 13, 2014 at 5:50

    I know dozens of ciswomen that use the urinal in Black Rock City and zero transwomen who do. And there are little ads for how to do it on every porta-potty. And I know dozens of transwomen who go to BRC out on the playa.

    Sheesh. It’s like he doesn’t even know what a pee funnel is, or that they’re pretty common and desired amongst concert and ball game aficionados.

  61. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 6:26

    If you can hit the zero-g spot it will have your partner walking on air.

    Brilliant.

    I agree !!! It slipped my mind to mention it, Thread Bear. (Thanx to Shakezula for reminding me.) I can’t help but feel that your sly sentence could be boiled down to a brilliant bumper sticker. I laughed out loud when I read it in the thread. (I am mostly a chuckler; to elicit for-real laughter from Ol’ Fenwick is a special compliment, Mr. Bear!!)

  62. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 7:42

    Fwiw, I prefer the 2001 re-edit to the theatrical release.

    The same episodes I disliked in the theatrical release–for example, the Contested Bridge episode–I also dislike in the re-edit. I see no need for the graphic, extended savagery of the bull-sacrifice.

    Coppola did a brilliant job of disguising Brando’s actual physique; I found it entirely plausible that Kurtz was a Special Forces Colonel, especially the careful set-up with slices from his military files during the boat journey up the river.

    I was disappointed the extensive and animated conversations in French (especially the plantation dinner scene) weren’t subtitled. If it was important enough to the film to keep these conversations in the edit, then they were important enough to subtitle.

    I had forgotten Dennis Hopper’s turn as the whacked-out freelance photographer. Other notable supporting actors include Frederic Forrest (“Chef”), Laurence Fishburne (“Mister Clean”) only 14-years old!!, Harrison Ford, Scott Glenn, Lee Ermey.

    Fwiw, I rate the 1979 theatrical release and the 2001 re-edit of Apocalypse Now the same: 4 stars. Of the most prominent ‘Vietnam’ movies, my favorite is Full Metal Jacket (Stanley Kubrick).

    Wiki link ref.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apocalypse_Now

  63. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 10:05

    I have evidently murdered the thread. But the law will never take me alive…. [disappears into the shadows]

  64. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 13, 2014 at 12:37

    It has been clear for some time that Phil Robertson is more obsessed with men’s anuses than the family dog is with his own butthole. This bizarre and disturbing fact had more to do with his temporary suspension from that duck slaughter fantasy parade than any organised program of Christian Oppression.

    Phil’s freaked out by men’s anuses because, the last time he had buttsex with a man, Burt Reynolds killed his buddy.

  65. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 13, 2014 at 15:39

    http://dangerousminds.net/comments/heavy_meta_clueless_preacher_misunderstands_wonder_showzen_hilarity_ensues

  66. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 13, 2014 at 16:52

    How many newly insured are there in Oregon?

  67. Helmut Monotreme said,

    January 13, 2014 at 17:16

    Their cherished mythical golden age is as much one of simplicity as anything else.

    Their cherished mythical golden age is simply nostalgia for their own early childhood, when everything was taken care of by adults whose size and competence were far greater than their own, when their every need was met and a kiss from mommy made everything better. They miss not having to think think about anything more complex than how to get a cookie. When all they needed to know about sex and gender was which bathroom to use. They are mad because they didn’t learn everything they needed to know in kindergarten and still don’t know everything they need to know.

  68. CRA said,

    January 13, 2014 at 18:01

    Their cherished mythical golden age is simply nostalgia for their own early childhood, when everything was taken care of by adults whose size and competence were far greater than their own, when their every need was met and a kiss from mommy made everything better. They miss not having to think think about anything more complex than how to get a cookie. When all they needed to know about sex and gender was which bathroom to use. They are mad because they didn’t learn everything they needed to know in kindergarten and still don’t know everything they need to know.

    I, too, had these thoughts, but forgot to type them into the little box.

  69. tsam said,

    January 13, 2014 at 18:28

    is tsam happy? Yes he is,

    Why am I happy?

  70. tsam said,

    January 13, 2014 at 18:33

    Also mens don’ have a G-spot, no matter what their orientation

    OH YES they do. If one knows where to look, it’s most certainly there.

  71. Crissa said,

    January 13, 2014 at 18:37

    And then we grew up, accept that people have faults in the past they cannot change, but faults in the current they can.

    What’s with the name stealing, exactly?

  72. tsam said,

    January 13, 2014 at 18:46

    I AM happy that my Seahawks are playing for the NFC championship! I’m scared of San Francisco, though. But they made it this far, they have a good opportunity to win at home…

  73. Séraphin Lampion said,

    January 13, 2014 at 19:33

    Damn. Troll bait is back, and so is Resident Troll. Why don’t they go have some hot buttsechs and leave proper posters the fuck alone. (Please delete this along with all of their fucking annoying idiotic messages, Thread Cleaner.)

  74. Failure Artist said,

    January 13, 2014 at 20:22

    We should just switch to unisex bathrooms and let the bigots’ bladders explode.

  75. bbkf said,

    January 13, 2014 at 20:29

    Their cherished mythical golden age is simply nostalgia for their own early childhood, when everything was taken care of by adults whose size and competence were far greater than their own, when their every need was met and a kiss from mommy made everything better. They miss not having to think think about anything more complex than how to get a cookie. When all they needed to know about sex and gender was which bathroom to use. They are mad because they didn’t learn everything they needed to know in kindergarten and still don’t know everything they need to know.

    i also immediately had the ‘golden age’ thought, but as always, we have to factor in a bit of projection in that their world depends on the ‘when/where men are manly and women are feminine with big boobs, a tiny waist and the just right sized ass…and if things deviate from that, where does that leave them? ewwww! what if they had thoughts or feelings that weren’t manly man or girly girl (as the case may be)? this could lead to all sorts of scenarios that not only skew their mentally imagery of their world, but also makes them question their own self-worth and could trigger some self-shame and loathing…

  76. Major Kong said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:05

    We should just switch to unisex bathrooms and let the bigots’ bladders explode.

    If you’ve been on an airliner you’ve used a unisex bathroom.

  77. CRA said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:16

    If you’ve been on an airliner you’ve used a unisex bathroom.

    There’s barely room for me and a piece of shit in there

  78. Séraphin Lampion said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:22

    If you’ve been on an airliner you’ve used a unisex bathroom.

    Yeah, glad I have only one sex in such cramped space.

  79. Major Kong said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:24

    here’s barely room for me and a piece of shit in there

    I’ve made it 30 years without ever doing #2 on an airplane and I hope to continue that streak.

  80. Séraphin Lampion said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:35

    Seems a Major concern. You’ve told about this before.

  81. Major Kong said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:38

    With my luck we’d hit turbulence right about then and it would be……messy.

  82. tsam said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:41

    I’ve made it 30 years without ever doing #2 on an airplane and I hope to continue that streak.

    Us peeplz on the ground hope you continue it as well.

  83. bbkf said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:51

    oh my…there are the typical mangoes one would expect from a newsblusterers post, mostly being of the ‘i’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body!’ and the usual ickiness one would expect from a group of people for whom empathy is a foreign concept, this one lone comment made me smile however:

    I’m sorry, but God made you the way He wanted you to be. He doesn’t make mistakes!!! That’s your cross to bare! We all have a cross to bare!

  84. Failure Artist said,

    January 13, 2014 at 21:59

    God gade me with extra teeth and I had expensive surgery to take those suckers out and I bet the letter writer has done/will do the same. God’s really sloppy.

  85. Failure Artist said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:04

    And it’s not like I learned any important life lessons from the experience which is supposed to be the reason for pain. (not that I suffer much pain, besides the bill I’m still paying off)

  86. tsam said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:04

    God made me a fan of Seattle sports. That wasn’t very nice of him.

  87. bbkf said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:08

    He doesn’t make mistakes!!! That’s your cross to bare! We all have a cross to bare!

    this would make a catchy refrain in a musical…

  88. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:40

    God made me a fan of Seattle sports. That wasn’t very nice of him.

    He’s trying to make up for it. Why else would the Supersonics have moved to Oklahoma?

  89. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:42

    tsam: re male G-spot, see my back-to-back comments at 0:39 and 1:17.

    That’s your cross to bare!

    Repeating my earlier observation: Homophones function as they do because they are gay-married words.

  90. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:47

    Why is a pic of Chris Christie at the top of this page?

  91. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:47

    Major: Impressive bowel control … especially in light of the l-o-n-g there-and-back flights from Diego Garcia. Remind me, how long were those in miles and time (roundtrip)?

  92. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:50

    There’s barely room for me and a piece of shit in there

    So, no mile club activities with Tim Graham then.

  93. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:51

    tsam – made that comment yesterday at the end of the game (which I enjoyed watching)

  94. tsam said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:51

    I’m going to leave one hateful comment about the Golden Globes and one compliment:

    Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: Two of the most awesome people on the entire planet.

    Hollywood: If you don’t stop glamorizing rapists like Woody Allen and Roman Polanski, I will kill you all.

    That is all. Thank you and have a nice day.

  95. tsam said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:52

    tsam – made that comment yesterday at the end of the game (which I enjoyed watching)

    ME TOO!!! I wasn’t very confident they would pull out that win, since they’ve seemed to be falling apart on offense lately, but they got it done.

  96. Suezboo said,

    January 13, 2014 at 22:53

    Mango Quote : God doesn’t make mistakes. That’s your cross to bare.

    Quote from Bones (TV show) : God doesn’t make mistakes.
    Riposte : Hmmm, I don’t know. Putting testicles on the outside………..
    Junkpunchers give praise.

  97. bbkf said,

    January 13, 2014 at 23:09

    Quote from Bones (TV show) : God doesn’t make mistakes.
    Riposte : Hmmm, I don’t know. Putting testicles on the outside………..

    well done, you!

    Hollywood: If you don’t stop glamorizing rapists like Woody Allen and Roman Polanski, I will kill you all.

    i used to like woody…’take the money and run’ was one of my brothers’ and my favorite movies…but after marrying his daughter and then the other allegations…nope, do not want to put any money in that man’s pocket…

    polanski otoh, i’ve always found creepy…and over-rated…

  98. Fenwick said,

    January 13, 2014 at 23:19

    it’s not like I learned any important life lessons from the experience which is supposed to be the reason for pain.

    Excerpt from Heller’s Catch-22 Yossarian argues theology with Lt. Scheisskopf’s wife….

    Y: Good God, how much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in His divine system of cretation? What in the world was running through that warped, evil, scatalogical mind of His when He robbed old people of the power to control their bowel movements? Why in the world did He ever create pain?

    Scheisskopf’s wife: Pain? Pain is a useful symptom. Pain is a warning to us of bodily dangers.

    Y: And who created the dangers? Oh, He was really being charitable when He gave us pain! Why couldn’t He have used a doorbell instead to notify us, or one of his celestial choirs? Or a system of blue-and-red neon tubes in the middle of each person’s forehead. Any jukebox manufacturer worth his salt could have done that. Why couldn’t He?

    Lt S’s wife: People would certainly look silly walking around with red neon tubes in the middle of the their foreheads.

    Y: They certainly look beautiful now writhing in agony or stupified with morphine, don’t they?

  99. Substance McGravitas said,

    January 13, 2014 at 23:44

    It’s important to keep this Golden Globes link alive. A documentary worth seeing for anyone who feels someone “deserves” a Golden Globe.

  100. CRA said,

    January 13, 2014 at 23:55

    “Don’t listen to the pilot, he’s full of shit”

  101. CRA said,

    January 14, 2014 at 0:00

    Which is the better screen name:

    Johnny Forcemeat
    Space Hobo
    Johnny Forcemeat, Space Hobo

  102. VCarlson said,

    January 14, 2014 at 0:21

    Johnny Forcemeat, Space Hobo Extraordinaire, of course.

  103. Major Kong said,

    January 14, 2014 at 0:28

    Remind me, how long were those in miles and time (roundtrip)?

    Not sure about the miles Fenwick but they were 14+ hours long depending on how far North we went. The one time I went downtown (Baghdad) it was 16.5 hours.

    Even a normal training mission was 12 hours. They always told us “You’ve got to be tough to fly the heavies”.

  104. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 0:34

    flying the heavy…

  105. Fenwick said,

    January 14, 2014 at 1:09

    I like Space Hobo. (Also a band name?)

  106. Fenwick said,

    January 14, 2014 at 1:13

    Oooooo, I also like the euphemism game! Thanx for introducing it bbfk!

  107. CRA said,

    January 14, 2014 at 1:13

    I think there should be a novel along those lines. What sort of interstellar commerce and vessels could accommodate such a person? Why? Could a system of hobo signs and symbols be made digital? (I can’t see space hobos writing on the sides of starships and planets.)

  108. Thread Bear said,

    January 14, 2014 at 1:26

    (I can’t see space hobos writing on the sides of starships and planets.)

    That’s why you need the Hitchhiker’s Guide.

  109. Major Kong said,

    January 14, 2014 at 1:47

    Could a system of hobo signs and symbols be made digital?

    Sounds like the electronic “thumb” from Hitchhiker’s Guide.

  110. CRA said,

    January 14, 2014 at 2:39

    Dammit, my sci-fi novel idea is just gonna be pigeonholed with the Hitchhiker’s Guide. But thanks for the comments. Better to figure this out now.

  111. Shakezula said,

    January 14, 2014 at 2:45

    What’s all this about barenaked crosses?

  112. Failure Artist said,

    January 14, 2014 at 3:47

    Food blogging: I started making sweet potato soup and in the end I JUST THREW IT ALL AWAY. I had made the mistake of adding the tomatoes and white pepper before checking to see if the sweet potatoes were tender and my food processor is terrible and makes a huge mess and the sweet potatoes were already bruised so I said fuck it and had fast food leftovers. Bachlor(ette) living!

  113. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 3:50

    i watched both the video clips and it would figure that news blusterers would jump all over this not-really-even-what-i-would-call-a-kerfuffle…in that cc and lc shut katie down in a tactful yet strong way…and they are not all over the place screaming ‘victim!!!’ all in all i would say it was probably the most real answer i’ve ever heard and seen in talk show history…

    it’s funny*, most of the commenters over at nb, (once they got the “i’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body, but i love it amirite ladies?!?!”) out of the way, proceeded with the “these men are sinful/gross/not women” comments, these were probably outnumbered by the “they went on national tv to discuss being transgendered then why are they so upset to be asked about their genitals?!?! that’s what we all want to know, duh! (or as one commenter puts it, ‘DAH!)” which proves that wingnuts are inordinately obsessed with other people’s genitalia…which is just weird…but totally not surprising…

    *by funny i mean i weep for humanity…there were a couple of bright spots, however…one person opined that they should be able to follow ‘trannies’ into the bathroom and look at their junk to make sure they weren’t mis-using the restrooms to which another commenter replied, ‘if you are sneaking into bathrooms to take a look at someone’s crotch, you might want to rethink who’s the weirdo in this scenario’

  114. Failure Artist said,

    January 14, 2014 at 4:00

    Burn!

    Yeah, I wouldn’t care if the person in the booth next to me had an octopus for genitals. All I want is for them to be reasonably quiet and hand me toilet paper if I need some.

  115. tigris said,

    January 14, 2014 at 4:11

    hand me toilet paper if I need some

    BUT NOT WITH A TENTACLE.

  116. Whale Chowder said,

    January 14, 2014 at 4:24

    hand me toilet paper if I need some

    BUT NOT WITH A TENTACLE.

    How many Japanese movies have this as a plot device?

  117. Anonymous said,

    January 14, 2014 at 5:59

    Burn!

    it made me giggle…it continues to amaze me that people actually think transgenders are ‘faking it’ and have nefarious purposes to do so…i’m sure it’s a thing for some people, but watching/listening to people going to the bathroom is not something that oars my gasm, nor do i think it does for the vast majority of people out there…

    also, too, again…i wonder…just what is it wingnuts do in public bathrooms that is so…clandestine? don’t most normal people want to get out of there with a minimum of contact with anything and the least amount of time possible*?

    *drunk people not included…

  118. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 6:06

    oh hells bells…i made meself anonny once again…

  119. CRA said,

    January 14, 2014 at 6:19

    Getting “tentacled” a length of toilet paper is something that might happen to a space hobo. He wouldn’t be put off by it.

  120. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 14, 2014 at 6:36

    Not an octopus but this seems sort of relevant:
    PENISPENIS.

  121. Thread Bear said,

    January 14, 2014 at 7:55

    *drunk people not included…

    Even drunk people want to get out of there with a minimum of contact with anything and least amount of time possible. They are just in no condition to manage to do so.

  122. Smut Clyde said,

    January 14, 2014 at 8:35

    <i.Yeah, I wouldn’t care if the person in the booth next to me had an octopus for genitals.
    Possibly relevant.

  123. Smut Clyde said,

    January 14, 2014 at 8:38

    Also, no links to the spiny Norman echidna? What’s wrong with you people?

  124. Smut Clyde said,

    January 14, 2014 at 8:45

    God doesn’t make mistakes.
    Hmmm, I don’t know. Putting testicles on the outside…

    God gave elephants internal testicles, and a prehensile penis.* Yet humans still think that they are the pinnacle of creation.

  125. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 14, 2014 at 13:13

    also, too, again…i wonder…just what is it wingnuts do in public bathrooms that is so…clandestine?

    Just ask Larry Craig, or Bob Allen.

  126. Shakezula said,

    January 14, 2014 at 14:52

    one person opined that they should be able to follow ‘trannies’ into the bathroom and look at their junk to make sure they weren’t mis-using the restrooms

    Some Very Concerned Citizens in a local county once tried to get a bill passed that would bar trans people from using the “Wrong” bathroom because BOYS in the GIRLS’ ROOM. (Even though they aren’t men. And no one seemed fussed about GIRLS in the BOYS’ ROOM. Perhaps they hadn’t heard that line in the Garbage song.)

    I spent an amusing couple of minutes asking a woman gathering petitions how they would enforce the law and whether I’d have to submit to a search before I was allowed to pee.

  127. Major Kong said,

    January 14, 2014 at 14:56

    I’m an old gearhead. A “trannie” is that thing in your car that you use to shift gears.

  128. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 17:48

    I’m an old gearhead. A “trannie” is that thing in your car that you use to shift gears.

    no amount of edumacation persuaded 99.9% of the commenters from referring to these women as ‘transvestites’…they truly do seem to revel in their ignorance and rudeness…

  129. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 17:50

    also, too…from listening to my dad fix cars, i was under the impression a trannie was called a dirty son of a whore…

  130. Some Militant Atheist said,

    January 14, 2014 at 18:16

    Working on transmissions has a very high cuss word factor.

  131. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 14, 2014 at 18:36

    My productivity greatly improved when I learned how to swear at Mercedes-Benz and BMW transmissions in German.

  132. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 18:56

    possibly most interesting use of bigotry in a comment thread…regarding directv’s decision to replace the weather channel with weather nation (which sucks balls, btw but could have some dork-entertainment factor):

    They want Congress to intervene? What will that do? Give the Afghans another 500 million for good weather reports? So the Sand~Camel humpers don’t get wet when planting IED’s?

    dude’s a top commentor…he’s from purdue…

  133. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 18:56

    My productivity greatly improved when I learned how to swear at Mercedes-Benz and BMW transmissions in German.

    german swearing has to sound pretty badass…

  134. Major Kong said,

    January 14, 2014 at 19:23

    german swearing has to sound pretty badass…

    Heck, you can read love poetry in German and it still sounds like you’re cussing someone out.

  135. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 19:40

    Heck, you can read love poetry in German and it still sounds like you’re cussing someone out.

    their music however, is divine, as i was pleasantly surprised to find out…one of friend’s daughter featured german music in her senior recital…perhaps it was just her voice, but, it was loverly…

  136. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 20:23

    from the bonus post:

    A central tenet of the racialists’ political philosophy is the belief that the United States is an inherently racist country, where racism and so-called “white privilege” trump liberty, individualism, and all other American values.
    The proponents of this theory use every case of injustice against a black person — whether the case is real, fabricated, or anomalous — to showcase America’s deeply racist roots. They are, like Chris Matthews, obsessed with race, and unable to ascribe a nonracial motive to (white) human action.

    The election and reelection of President Obama should have been a devastating blow to the racialists: how could a racist country where white privilege reigned supreme elect and then reelect a black president? The short answer is that a racist country could not — the racialists’ theory is bogus.

    i’m sure the native americans and japanese will be relieved to hear ths as well…

  137. Anonymous said,

    January 14, 2014 at 20:29

    This:
    whether the case is real, fabricated, or anomalous

    Then this:
    like Chris Matthews, obsessed with race, and unable to ascribe a nonracial motive to (white) human action

    Two assumptions: Real, fabricated or anomalous, and all white liberals are obsessed.

    Of course it’s ok if you’re defending racists to use keystone fallacy of racism–idiotic generalizations based on what one asshole says–to prove that liberals are the ones stirring up all the racial animosity.

    tl,dr:
    Cool story, bro.

  138. tsam said,

    January 14, 2014 at 20:32

    where racism and so-called “white privilege” trump liberty, individualism, and all other American values.

    I’d be far less inclined to agree with this if one of you right wing fuckwits would condemn acts of racism instead of scrambling to defend them and screaming about persecution every time you get called out for being a racist asshole.

    But that’s cool–we understand why you “Stand with Phil”. Has nothing to do with bigotry whatsoever, I’m sure.

  139. tsam said,

    January 14, 2014 at 20:33

    shit–that anon was me.

  140. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 14, 2014 at 20:57

    “The election of the Kenyan Muslim Islamofascist Fake Birth Certificate Usurper proves that racism is no longer a problem!”

  141. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:03

    Who is responsible for this? The blame rests squarely with the American Left, and specifically, with the racialists.

    Though it’s hard to pinpoint the precise point when President Obama ceased being a post-racial president, I suspect the transition from post-racial to racial accelerated in late spring of 2009, when his approval ratings started to drop from his all-time highs.

    It was around that time that the far left began to baselessly speculate that maybe it was the president’s race that was causing people to lose confidence in him.

    By the time the tea party became a national movement in the summer of 2009, accusations of racism were rampant. Left-wing activists and the media pointed to a handful of offensive (not even necessary racist, just tasteless or crass) signs out of thousands to dishonestly paint the entire movement as racist.

    The “birther” fringe gave the Left additional fodder to levy the racism charge.

    Soon, the racism charge was leveled not just against the decidedly non-racial and non-racist tea party (many of whose leaders are black), but against all of Obama’s political enemies.

    hahaha…i like how it’s okay for the ‘birthers’ to spew their baseless speculation, but for anyone to speculate on racism still being a thing in this country (and granted, i don’t watch much of the news or political shows save for stewart and colbert-i don’t recall hearing a huge hissyfit as slaver implies) is totally uncalled for and crazee…

  142. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:04

    tagfail, just like racism, rears its ugly head…

  143. VCarlson said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:27

    non-racist tea party (many of whose leaders are black),

    I’m guessing that the “many” in this sentence is the “one… two… many” usage.

  144. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:40

    I’m guessing that the “many” in this sentence is the “one… two… many” usage.

    yes, about the same number in the gop…

  145. Austin Loomis said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:47

    Bitter Scribe squeezed the mango juice out of the bonus post:

    “The election of the Kenyan Muslim Islamofascist Fake Birth Certificate Usurper proves that racism is no longer a problem!”

    Or, as somebody said within earshot of St. Molly*, “I think Rush is right: Racism in this country is dead. I don’t know what the ni[CLANG]s will find to gripe about now.”

    * Ivins, thou shouldst be living at this hour, for God drat hath America need of thee.

  146. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:47

    lol…wingnut math:

    We need to go back to Women acting like Women and Men acting like Men. That has nothing to do with jobs or status, it has to do with the fact that men and women act a certain way because chemicals. We need to stop telling men and women they are bad for acting like men and women. The T in LGBT is an extreme group that should be distanced

    BTW I was doing some math – Man = Man, Woman = Woman. Man + Woman = Procreation. Man + Man = Feminist Movement, Woman + Woman = Feminist Movement.

  147. tsam said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:51

    BTW I was doing some math

    Somewhere, a math teacher is eating his gun.

  148. bbkf said,

    January 14, 2014 at 21:59

    more wingnut math…

  149. tigris said,

    January 14, 2014 at 22:08

    So, if:
    Man + Woman = Procreation
    Man + Man = Feminist Movement
    Woman + Woman = Feminist Movement
    since:
    Feminist Movement = Feminist Movement,
    Man + Man = Woman + Woman
    or 2(Man) = 2(Woman)
    and
    Man = Woman = Procreation/2 = Feminist Movement/2

  150. tigris said,

    January 14, 2014 at 22:09

    Meant to put a “then” after “Feminist Movement,”

  151. tsam said,

    January 14, 2014 at 22:17

    In algebra, they taught me some shit about like terms. This stuff is all wrong.

  152. CRA said,

    January 14, 2014 at 23:03

    Though it’s hard to pinpoint the precise point when President Obama ceased being a post-racial president, …

    Total nonsense IS hard to pin down with any precision.

    Racial, post-racial. Who the fuck knows.

    We could learn about as much from a discussion about whether my lunch was post-racial, and whether it was racialized when I opted for fries.

  153. Fenwick said,

    January 14, 2014 at 23:21

    Pup: Got any suggestions about what to serve for a post-racial lunch?

  154. Major Kong said,

    January 14, 2014 at 23:25

    Got any suggestions about what to serve for a post-racial lunch?

    Oreos?

  155. CRA said,

    January 14, 2014 at 23:38

    I had a sandwich of “Italian beef,” so-called, with au jus, and “French” fries, washed down with three (albeit 5-oz) glasses of house Cabernet.

    So, the lunch suffered from ethnic issues, moreso than racial ones. But these tensions paled before the fact that the bar area was a bit too dim to read with ease. This is often problem for me.

  156. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeHatedLater™ said,

    January 14, 2014 at 23:55

    Awesome Post Cerb, as usual.

    Fenwick, I remember fondly sharing julips with you on the deck after concluding a mango hunt. You were always such a gentleman.

    Btw nice to see you around again.

  157. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:01

    I had a sandwich of “Italian beef,” so-called, with au jus, and “French” fries, washed down with three (albeit 5-oz) glasses of house Cabernet.

    wanna know what i find an egregious sin re: restaurant food combos? when chili is served as a ‘soup’ to go with something like a cali burger…or, and i’ve only seen this once: with a fish sandwich…number 1, chili is not a side soup…number 2, soups and sammies need to be paired up properly…it’s all about balance, people!

  158. CRA said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:05

    Then you may be pleased, bbkf, that I did not add a bowl of beer cheese soup to the mix.

  159. VCarlson said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:08

    Then you may be pleased, bbkf, that I did not add a bowl of beer cheese soup to the mix.

    Because the beer might have been German?

  160. CRA said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:10

    You’re right about chili, tho I guess when the customer makes odd pairings, that’s more OK than if the restaurant does it.

  161. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:13

    You’re right about chili, tho I guess when the customer makes odd pairings, that’s more OK than if the restaurant does it.

    exactly…i swear, around here, they don’t even try!

  162. CRA said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:19

    Wisconsin beer and cheese made into soup is German-ish, I’d say.

  163. VCarlson said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:25

    I was going to ask how anything that included beer and cheese could be bad, but then I remembered my college days. Some friends had tried their hands at beer making, and given us the result, which was execrable. We thought maybe we could make beer bread out of it, but it was inedible. I think we used the rest of the beer to drown slugs in the yard.

  164. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:30

    Following that math through to Man = Woman indicates that maybe d00d does have some understanding of Feminist Movement.

    Also ipso facto quod rest sum,

    Man + Woman = Man + Man = Woman + Woman

    Yayy Ghey Marriage!

  165. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:37

    Wisconsin beer and cheese made into soup is German-ish, I’d say.

    made properly, it is heavenly…i have a recipe for it from a ‘friend’ that would make pup cry…it includes 2 kinds of canned cream soup, velveeta AND cheez whiz…and yet, it’s still a watery concoction of eck-no-thank-you…

  166. CRA said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:43

    Hehhe … I take it you haven’t tried that recipe, bbkf ?

    I wonder what brand of beer is most appropriate for a beer cheese soup that features “2 kinds of canned cream soup, velveeta AND cheez whiz”

  167. VCarlson said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:45

    I wonder what brand of beer is most appropriate for a beer cheese soup that features “2 kinds of canned cream soup, velveeta AND cheez whiz”

    Duff?

  168. Smut Clyde said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:46

    men and women act a certain way because chemicals

    Hey, that’s my excuse. Get your own excuse, moochers.

  169. Major Kong said,

    January 15, 2014 at 0:47

    I wonder what brand of beer is most appropriate for a beer cheese soup that features “2 kinds of canned cream soup, velveeta AND cheez whiz”

    That can of Schlitz that’s been sitting on the shelf in your basement since the mid 1970s.

  170. tsam said,

    January 15, 2014 at 1:18

    You guys are CRAZY to let that math in your head. You’re gonna break something doing that.

  171. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 15, 2014 at 1:46

    Got any suggestions about what to serve for a post-racial lunch?

    I could make plenty but first I need to knows was it a horse race or formula 1 or what. Very different menus are needed, depending.

  172. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 15, 2014 at 2:14

    The “birther” fringe gave the Left additional fodder to levy the racism charge.

    Fringe? It was the goddamn mainstream of the GOP!

  173. Failure Artist said,

    January 15, 2014 at 2:19

    What does the word “racialist” mean anyway?

  174. tigris said,

    January 15, 2014 at 2:29

    I think it means “I am not a racist, but…”

  175. Smut Clyde said,

    January 15, 2014 at 2:44

    From the bonus post:
    additional fodder to levy the racism charge

    What language is this? Shouldn’t AmThink contributors write in English?

  176. Anonymous said,

    January 15, 2014 at 2:55

    Duff?

    that and the 1970s schlitz would be too good for this recipe…the answer is ‘busch light’…i used ti because it was rolling around in the fridge, leftover from a friend’s visit…and i did not want to waste any of my surly…which, btw can be a bit too hoppy for soup…

  177. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 15, 2014 at 2:55

    No. They write in Murrican. If it was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for everyone.

  178. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 3:15

    I remember fondly sharing julips with you on the deck

    Me too, Provider! You dove so deep into the muck and sludge that oxygen tanks were part of your gear.

    I also remember deck conversations about the suckitude of being a progressive / populist / liberal–and a blackety black black!!!–in Indiana, the most racist and right-wing state north of the Ohio River,with a l-o-n-g history of racism. [Examples: KKK membership (esp 1900 - 1930); 1964 & 68 votes for George Wallace.]

    Hell, Indiana was practicing vote-suppression long before any ALEC blueprints were printed….

    Before I forget, mucho congratulations for recieving a Key to the Castle of Posting, compadre. It is said among the Wise that the Key brings with it Good Mojo.

  179. Shakezula said,

    January 15, 2014 at 3:36

    Hmmm…

    ra·cial·ism (rsh-lzm) n.
    1. a. An emphasis on race or racial considerations, as in determining policy or interpreting events.
    b. Policy or practice based on racial considerations.
    2. Chiefly British Variant of racism.
    racial·ist adj. & n.
    racial·istic adj.

    I assume in the WingNut book of Words and What We Say They Mean a racialist is a liberal racist who expresses his racism by unfairly pointing out the right wingers’ completely factual observations about the inferiority of brown people and the necessary and just policies of treating brown people like shit.

    I wonder if someone who mentions WingNut attitudes towards women is a sexualist?

  180. Major Kong said,

    January 15, 2014 at 3:45

    Indiana, the most racist and right-wing state north of the Ohio River

    Yep. Once you get out of Indianapolis and Bloomington, Indiana is the kind of red state that makes Texans scratch their heads and go “Dayum! Y’all sure are conservative!”

  181. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 3:52

    chili is not a side soup

    Though I enjoy reading food pr0n, I seldom make foodie comments, mainly because I don’t cook. If I contribute anything at all to conversations, it’s usually questions. (Clever answer, Pup!) Mostly I just drool. I wrote this short preface to highlight the Unusual Phenomenon of a Fenwickian foodie comment.

    Here is my first test for any chili, (even before aroma or tasting): Poke your spoon into the center of the bowl, handle vertical and remove your hand. If the spoon topples, it ain’t chili.

    bbkf is absolutely correct: Chili is not a side soup</b.

  182. Major Kong said,

    January 15, 2014 at 3:58

    Much like pizza or bbq, chili is whatever chili happened to be like where you grew up.

  183. Pupienus said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:06

    I has et chili in Texas that weren’t nuttin but meat bawled in water wif chilies. Texas red, they calls it. Them as growed up round theyuh sez it’s tha true chili.

  184. Anonymous said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:08

    Much like pizza or bbq, chili is whatever chili happened to be like where you grew up.

    true…growing up, my mom would put in whatever she had…and a shitton of tomato juice to make it go farther, because 6 kids, not a lot of money…even though my dad owned a grocery store…

    Here is my first test for any chili, (even before aroma or tasting): Poke your spoon into the center of the bowl, handle vertical and remove your hand. If the spoon topples, it ain’t chili.

    also, true…this is how i make mine…

    now, there is a caveat to the no sammie w/chili rule: a grilled cheese sammies makes an excellent accompaniment to a steaming hot bowl of chili…

  185. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:13

    dang nab it!

    i occurs to me though, when i was pregnant w/the son, one of my favorite places to eat was at the bus depot/cafe where their chili was legendary (at least in hooterville)…i would eat a bowl of that and a denver sandwich with lots of pickles at least 3 x a week…i dream of that chili and since the place burned to the ground and the dude who created the chili is long dead, it’s lost to me…it was nice and thick, sweet and spicy, not too many beans…

  186. Major Kong said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:18

    I had to look up what a “Denver Sandwich” is. Apparently it’s a Denver omelette in a sandwich. I’ve never had one but it might be good.

  187. Shakezula said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:25

    Indiana? Are we forgetting Alabama?

  188. Smut Clyde said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:27

    to levy the racism charge

    Upon reflection, this might actually be what the AmThink contributor was trying to say. He may well be imagining a series of Racism Toll booths around the country, where you pay the racism charge, and then TAKE THAT, POLITICAL CORRECTNESS!! you can say what you think.

  189. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:37

    Okay, I went to look for Band Names (or if you prefer, song titles or album titles). These are all from Cerb’s post.

    Count the Nanoseconds
    Random Dudes
    Laws of Thermodynamics
    Eventual Surgeries
    Car Pajamas
    Bulge Issue
    Movie in Reverse
    Avoid the Tigers

    Now I’m gonna see what’s in the Comment thread….

  190. Major Kong said,

    January 15, 2014 at 4:59

    Mango Hunt would be a good band name.

  191. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 5:10

    I had to look up what a “Denver Sandwich” is. Apparently it’s a Denver omelette in a sandwich. I’ve never had one but it might be good

    huh, well i’ll be dipped…you must try one…i like them best on toasted wheat or rye bread…

  192. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 5:11

    was going to ask earlier and fenwick triggered my memory…cerb, what in the hazelnut are car pajamas?

  193. Austin Loomis said,

    January 15, 2014 at 5:19

    bbkf quoted, and Smut Clyde requoted:

    men and women act a certain way because chemicals.

    …I think this is the first time I have ever seen the “because [unaccompanied noun]” construction used unironically. If there were others, I must have quaffed that kind nepenthe and mercifully forgotten them.

  194. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 5:23

    …I think this is the first time I have ever seen the “because [unaccompanied noun]” construction used unironically.

    i got a kick out of that as well…methinks wingnut was in a typing fury and and missed typing the word ‘of’ which was lost in a spray of spittle…

    here’s something i did NOT just get a kick out of…our neighbor has horses which maeve and luci are quite fond of…maeve discovered horse apples and brought one home with her! i made this discovery directly after getting kisses from her…gross…

  195. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 5:41

    Indiana? Are we forgetting Alabama?

    Nope. The conversation was Indiana politics & racism in comparison to other states north of the Ohio River. We all sort of expect racism and wingnuttery from Old Confederacy states; of the Old Union states, Indiana has become nearly as toxic, especially in its State Legislature.

    As an illustration of Hoosier cah-ray-zee-ness: The teahadists engineered the defeat of Dick Lugar(*) in the GOP primary.

    Provider lives in Indiana, but apparently no other Sadlies do / did. I had lived there during my grade-school and middle-school years. I have relatives distributed throughout the state–north, central, and south–most have lived in Indiana all their lives, and nearly all Republican. Their default news station is Fox. On my July ’13 visit a cousin entertained me with a 2-hour Duck Dynasty marathon. Also for 30 years I’ve visited my Hoosier relatives fairly often, usually staying a number of days, and soaking up state politics via newspapers and TV news.

    My aunts, uncles, cousins are all lost causes; so for years I’ve been clandestinely subverting the younger folks when we shoot pool in the basements or play cards in the kitchen and the dinosaurs aren’t around. This ramblin’ paragraph started out as an explanation why Provider and I hung around discussing Indiana politcs: I had good life-long sampling of Indiana, so I was a knowledgeable sounding bound for him on the stern deck.

    Gee I’ve been getting all autobiographical and windy on this thread, commenting much more frequently than usual. I think it’s time for me to go look for the nifty band names you people have cleverly embedded in the Comment Thread.

    (*) 6-term Senator, not completely insane (and therefore an obvious RINO)

  196. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 5:44

    4th para, last line: ‘bound’ should be ‘board’. I blame Hilter. And Benghazi

  197. Smut Clyde said,

    January 15, 2014 at 7:32

    I must have quaffed that kind nepenthe and mercifully forgotten them.

    You forgot them because nepenthe.

  198. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 7:45

    Wow! There is a l-o-n-g Battle of the Bands in this thread…

    (*) euphemism bonus!

    Doubleplusgood
    Foreskin Holocaust
    Banana Candle
    Swiss Cheese Pervert
    Kilgore’s Surfboard
    Mango Hunt
    Zero G Spot
    Punish the Coal (*)
    Liberty Poison
    Imaginary Clothes
    Get a Cookie (*)
    Resident Troll
    Extra Teeth
    Junkpunchers
    Lunch Was Post-racial
    Space Hobo
    Because Chemicals

  199. El Manquécito said,

    January 15, 2014 at 9:11

    additional fodder to levy the racism charge

    Must be ‘canon fodder’.

  200. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 13:06

    I see what you did there, El Manq. * golf clap *

  201. Center for Disease Control said,

    January 15, 2014 at 13:41

    Golf Clap Advisory

    Few people are aware that Golf Clap is an STD, harmless enough and easily cured. Victims are sometimes aflflicted with ‘caddies’, a persistant and obnoxious genital itch. (In extremely rare cases the skin turns orange and the victim has uncontrollable bouts of weeping.)

    The Golf Clap virus typically breeds at country clubs; The CDC urges all country club members to recieve the rutabaga innoculation as soon as possible! The general public is at little risk: Golf Clap is transmitted by handling tees in a sexual manner without proper prophylactic precautions.

  202. Fenwick said,

    January 15, 2014 at 14:40

    Wow. Walked away for 90 minutes. I come back to find a highly dubious health advisory and a troll rant from Probably Fake Gary.

    The conjunction of such weirdness in the wee hours seems like a warning that I should disappear into the shadows again.

    Y’all have a good Wednesday!

  203. tigris said,

    January 15, 2014 at 15:58

    I know some folks will complain about Gary’s being too obvious and giving the game away, but I thought “deeper and derper” was pretty great.

  204. Austin Loomis said,

    January 15, 2014 at 16:05

    Fenwick, you forgot one thing about Indiana: Bruce Tinsley, the guy who extrudes “Mallard Fillmore” onto the nation’s editorial pages, is from there and felt comfortable returning there.

  205. El Manquécito said,

    January 15, 2014 at 16:26

    With Doghouse Riley gone I can return to my natural state of never giving Indiana a thought.

  206. Major Kong said,

    January 15, 2014 at 16:31

    Living in Ohio requires constant vigilance of the Hoosier threat on our border.

  207. tsam said,

    January 15, 2014 at 17:28

    Chili is not a side soup? Wendy’s begs to differ.

    Also, I would have chili as a side soup and eat it like I stole it.

  208. Shakezula said,

    January 15, 2014 at 17:28

    Provider lives in Indiana, but apparently no other Sadlies do / did

    [Raises hand] I’d raise for my spouse as well, but he can raise his own damn hand.

    But since I know almost zip about the other four states in the running, I can’t argue with the contention that it is the looniest state north of the Ohio River.

  209. Whale Chowder said,

    January 15, 2014 at 18:30

    the looniest state north of the Ohio River.

    Idaho certainly gives it a run for its money as looniest state north of the Mason-Dixon line.

  210. tsam said,

    January 15, 2014 at 19:00

    Idaho certainly gives it a run for its money as looniest state north of the Mason-Dixon line.

    This Western Idaho native will stipulate that this is true.

    Utah and Wyoming give Indiana some competition too.

    If it weren’t for all the douchy movie stars buying ranches in Montana, it would be just as bad.

  211. tsam said,

    January 15, 2014 at 19:04

    However, I feel pretty lucky lately. Here in Washington (this IS gloating, btw, just let it happen), we have

    The highest minimum wage in the country
    Same sex marriage is fully legal
    The recreational use of marijuana is legal now

    It’s the furthest mainland state from Florida, which is the inarguably the worst state EVER.

    Lots and lots of fun stories involving bestiality, which seem to be strangely concentrated here. Many lols from all of that business.

  212. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 15, 2014 at 19:37

    Protip: norovirus sucks – don’t get it.

  213. El Manquécito said,

    January 15, 2014 at 19:51

    SC much worse than FL. I don’t even put FL in the bottom 10.

  214. Major Kong said,

    January 15, 2014 at 19:53

    Depends where in Florida. It’s a weird state. The further North you go the more South it gets.

  215. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    January 15, 2014 at 20:32

    I think it means “I am not a racist, but…”

    Related.

  216. tsam said,

    January 15, 2014 at 20:40

    There is actually a Twitter feed that links batshit insane news stories that all begin with “A Florida man…”

    South Carolina is definitely a contender, though.

  217. tsam said,

    January 15, 2014 at 20:41

    Protip: norovirus sucks – don’t get it.

    OH SHIT–sorry dude.

  218. tsam said,

    January 15, 2014 at 21:10

    Florida Man

  219. CRA said,

    January 15, 2014 at 21:30

    Wow! There is a l-o-n-g Battle of the Bands in this thread…

    No love for Johnny Forcemeat, Fenwick?…

    And now perhaps we’d add:
    Strangely Concentrated

  220. Shakezula said,

    January 15, 2014 at 22:32

    There is actually a Twitter feed that links batshit insane news stories that all begin with “A Florida man…”

    @Florida_Man is funny if you don’t follow the links.

  221. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 15, 2014 at 22:58

    What does the word “racialist” mean anyway?

    It means “YOU’RE the REAL racist.”

  222. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 15, 2014 at 23:20

    Protip: norovirus sucks – don’t get it.

    OH SHIT–sorry dude.

    GAHHHH! That damn thing tore through the healthcare facilities of NYC a few years back. It was damn near apocalyptic.

  223. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 15, 2014 at 23:33

    “Racialist” is a neologism favored by racists for the way it (attempts to) muddy the well known notions of “racism.” Same thing with the young earth creationist loons coming up with the nonsensical aspersion “evolutionist.”

  224. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 15, 2014 at 23:35

    We’re having something of a small epidemic here in Portland. There’s little worse than holding a bucket for the projectile vomit because you need the toilet for simultaneous explosive diarrhea.

  225. bbkf said,

    January 15, 2014 at 23:38

    We’re having something of a small epidemic here in Portland. There’s little worse than holding a bucket for the projectile vomit because you need the toilet for simultaneous explosive diarrhea.

    we have friends who have 2 small tots and a toddler and she was pregnant with number 4…and they ALL got it at the same time…they one bathroom in the house…

  226. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 1:10

    omfg…self-awareness: what are it?

    I’d love to have a copy of that Bible. Does it also say that God hates the intolerant bigots? Please, oh please tell me it does! Tell me he hates those who complain over TV shows as if they don’t have a little contraption called an of/ off switch.

    this was a comment over at newsblusterers…isn’t that basically the purpose of nb? to complain about shows they find offensive?

  227. Suezboo said,

    January 16, 2014 at 2:20

    Sounds horrible, Pups. I hope it is over really soon.
    How contagious is it. Will your hubbykins also be laid low ?

  228. Smut Clyde said,

    January 16, 2014 at 3:06

    Pupienus has a bucket?? LUXURY.

  229. Whale Chowder said,

    January 16, 2014 at 3:07

    Appropriate horror noises aimed at Pup. Sounds awful.

  230. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 4:07

    jimmy fallon is soooooo boss!

  231. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 4:08

    Appropriate horror noises aimed at Pup. Sounds awful.

    i bet pup IS making some horror noises…

  232. Major Kong said,

    January 16, 2014 at 4:33

    Wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.

    OK, maybe my worst enemy, but not the other ones.

  233. Fenwick said,

    January 16, 2014 at 8:19

    No love for Johnny Forcemeat, Fenwick?

    Absolutely not true! But Johnny needs a backing band: “and the ????” I always go for verbatim Band Name extracts from the thread.

    Plus I’m prolly not clever enough to name the backing band. I’m sure others–especially Sadlyburg’s gay citizens–will come up with some wickedly witty name for Johnny’s band.

    My only suggestion is a tip-o-the-hat to MoTown backup groups like the Miracles and Pips. If it doesn’t work as a band name, perhaps it might a porno title: Johnny Forcemeat and the VeeJayJays

  234. Fenwick said,

    January 16, 2014 at 8:40

    Lordy, lordy, Pup. That sounds AWFUL !!

    What is it? Influenza? Food Poisoning? [It sounds like a digestive disorder.] Keep us posted on your progress. Mainly, feel better SOON!

    There must be some silver lining. Chicken Soup, that it! The stereotypical dietary recommendation by moms and grandmother for generations. I’ll bet your Chicken Soup is to die for.

    f everything else seems shitty, work up yet another Chicken Soup variant recipe in your haid. I’ll bet you have tried multiple ingredients, seasonings, and preparation methods. Invent another variant for when you are well enough to eat.

  235. CRA said,

    January 16, 2014 at 16:16

    He comes from a line of sausage and patay* -mongers, Fenwick. Not rapists.

    *I know the French letter is possible, but I can’t be bothered.

  236. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 16, 2014 at 17:46

    Teh Ho brought it home, I nursed him through it. In the course of which I catcheded it. He was just getting over it when I succumbed so he was able to take care of me. Runs about three days but the really awful part is only one day.

    Fenwick – norovirus is a family of gastrointestinal viruses. Nasty nasty.

  237. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 16, 2014 at 17:57

    You all are making me paranoid. My boss is home sick, and the guy in the next cubicle keeps coughing.

  238. Shakezula said,

    January 16, 2014 at 18:15

    Coughing is not a symptom of norovirus.

  239. Shakezula said,

    January 16, 2014 at 18:21

    Thursday fun reading!

    http://www.cdc.gov/norovirus/

    Slightly related, I was in an interesting Twitxchange this A.M. regarding Glibbertarians and their insistence that we need fewer regulations.

    Norovirus is one of those things that is kept in check by (for example) regulations about food handling. And I can’t help but think that people handling food while sick (because they can’t afford to take time off) is another thing that moves the disease around.

  240. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 18:33

    And I can’t help but think that people handling food while sick (because they can’t afford to take time off) is another thing that moves the disease around.

    i would say yes…along with “cost-cutting” measures and frankly just not giving a fuck (by the corporations)…

  241. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 16, 2014 at 18:43

    Absotively. Portland just joined the growing list of cities with a mandatory paid sick leave ordinance. Lots of “OMG my business will be RUINED!” Present the ample evidence that such policies lead to improved employee retention, increased productivity, et fucking cetera. “OMG I can’t afford it IT WILL FORCE ME OUT OF BUSINESS!”

    Proof once again that reality has a liberal bias. And while I’m on the subject, remind your conservative and libertarian friends – should you be burdened with any – what they don’t understand about “liberal” meaning “free.”.

  242. CRA said,

    January 16, 2014 at 18:44

    I realized the other day that I haven’t been sick (flu, or what have you) in at least three years, maybe five or more. I never get the shots. I have often been pickled, tho.

  243. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 18:45

    And while I’m on the subject, remind your conservative and libertarian friends – should you be burdened with any – what they don’t understand about “liberal” meaning “free.”.

    that is a lot of minds to completely blow…it would also result in a lot of, ‘buh-buh-buh-buh…wah!!!’

  244. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 18:47

    I have often been pickled, tho.

    this is key…making and keeping one’s innards a hostile environment in which no germ could live, i think, should merit some serious scientific study…

  245. Failure Artist said,

    January 16, 2014 at 19:01

    To answer the question in the title: no, because the auction wouldn’t bring in enough money to cover the costs of running it.

  246. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 19:14

    Ya know, I was listening to NPR yesterday, and they had a bunch of wingnut window lickers on there talking about Christie. The obligatory (seriously, WHY?) teahadist had hisself a minor meltdown, claiming (paraphrased): At no time in our history, since the founding fathers ran the redcoats from our shores, have our liberties been so imperiled.

    I still don’t get how it hasn’t occurred to these fuckwits that there WAS NO LIBERTY when slavery was legal, when women couldn’t vote, etc…
    Our liberties are being imperiled by the surveillance state, but that’s far from a new thing. But these clowns and their OMFG SOCIALISM tantrums are becoming quite tiresome and irritating.

    Also, I’m about done with their bullshit references to the Founding Fathers, considering their NO COMPROMISE OR ELSE approach to politics. They should know that a whole shit ton of shitty compromises were made at the Constitutional Convention to keep those scumbag slave states in the Union. That’s the whole fucking idea behind the co-equal branches, the bicameral legislature and representative government. They’re such blind, ignorant assholes.

    TSAM DOES NOT LIKE IT.

  247. Bitter Scribe said,

    January 16, 2014 at 19:45

    Did anyone watch Law & Order: SVU last night? If so, were you as annoyed as I was by the casual way they made the De Blasio administration into the bad guy?

  248. CRA said,

    January 16, 2014 at 19:55

    At no time in our history, since the founding fathers ran the redcoats from our shores, have our liberties been so imperiled.

    When I hear crap like this, as we so often do, I feel like shaking ‘em violently and screaming, “YOU’RE PISSING ON THE GRAVES of everyone who was ever truly oppressed! Violating them, and history and meaning itself. Stop! etc.”

  249. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:00

    When I hear crap like this, as we so often do,

    I’m sure we all say thoughtless things sometimes purple monkey typewriter knife fight pie, but trying to incite terror by claiming tyranny by an administration that isn’t much different from the last one that they loved so much is beyond thoughtless. It’s insidious and ignorant and hateful and stupid.

  250. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:02

    At no time in our history, since the founding fathers ran the redcoats from our shores, have our liberties been so imperiled.

    What liberties, exactly, are in peril, is what I ask them. Be precise please. They bluster and phume, usually “taking away our guns!” (which we sane people know is not actually happening) and so on. Not that long ago the teabillies were going on about how REGULATIONS! I would ask them what regulations, exactly, were afecting their business. Ever seen a fish flopping around on a dock?

    FYWP and such as

  251. Shakezula said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:04

    Come one folks. It is a well known fact that Rights are a limited commodity.
    The more rights the U.S. gives to people who aren’t straight white male Christians the fewer rights there are for for straight white male Christians. Naturally Mr. Teahadi is concerned.

  252. Fenwick said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:08

    making and keeping one’s innards a hostile environment in which no germ could live, i think, should merit some serious scientific study

    I’d volunteer as a study subject.! (With my luck, I’d end up in the control group, drinking non-alcoholic beer.)

  253. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:10

    y’all have touched exactly on the proper responses to the teahadis, so i shan’t go there, but what really has me annoyed at the mo is a post the b.i.l. made on the jimmy fallon/bruce springsteen link i commented on on teh fb:

    ‘when will they sing about obama and benghazi, the irs and the nsa?’

    i love him dearly, but for fuck’s sake sometimes he is most tiresome…any witty replies come to mind, kids?

  254. The Dark Avenger said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:18

    There’s a Bengazi verse in the live remix.

  255. Failure Artist said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:22

    Now I’m remembering of all the tea party people complaining that all these new “czars” were making America like Communist Russia.

  256. bbkf said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:29

    Now I’m remembering of all the tea party people complaining that all these new “czars” were making America like Communist Russia.

    and who actually came up with the ‘czar’ thing? not originally…in its current carnation…

  257. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:30

    ‘when will they sing about obama and benghazi, the irs and the nsa?’

    “When the planets align and Cygnus is in retrograde, signaling the return of the Sacred Platypus”

  258. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:50

    “When the planets align and Cygnus is in retrograde, signaling the return of the Sacred Platypus”

    When the moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars,
    Then they’ll sing ’bout Benghazi, and all Obummer’s czars.
    This is the dawning of the Age of Assquarius,
    The Age of Assquarius, ASSQUARIUS!

  259. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 20:53

    Fucking NICE.

  260. Big Bad Bald Bastard said,

    January 16, 2014 at 21:11

    ‘when will they sing about obama and benghazi, the irs and the nsa?’

    Wingnuts, what a bunch of moochers. Bruce Springsteen owes them nothing. If they want songs about Obama, Benghazi, the IRS, and the NSA, why can’t those lazy bums write them themselves?

    What the fuck happened to these guys? Couldn’t they hack it in the Free Market?

  261. CRA said,

    January 16, 2014 at 21:13

    I figure I’m teeming with germs, inside and out, but that they’re truculent and territorial. You’ve got to walk the walk (work that flagellum?) to survive in this neighborhood.

  262. kg said,

    January 16, 2014 at 21:28

    and who actually came up with the ‘czar’ thing? not originally…in its current carnation…

    for realz, they’ve been milking that czar thing for whey too long.

  263. Shakezula said,

    January 16, 2014 at 21:31

    POOP to the rescue?

    http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/10/131004105253.htm

    OK, this is for C. Difficile but poop pills have become the new “Thing” so I wouldn’t be surprised if there is research into curing other things with poop.

  264. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 16, 2014 at 21:41

    POOP to the rescue?

    AHEM

    Offa mah lawn. I been following teh POOP tranplant story for years.

  265. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 16, 2014 at 21:59

    POOP

  266. Fenwick said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:22

    tsam: Righteous rantat 19:14, bro. It also triggered a flurry of excellent comments such as the one below.

    What liberties, exactly, are in peril, is what I ask them. Be precise please. … I would ask them what regulations, exactly, were affecting their business. — Pupienus

    [emphasis added]

    TWO excellent lines of counterattack!

    Imo, most wingnut whining has two basic lines-of-operation: (1) FREEDUMZ! [includes God-Fearing Moral America] …. and (2) Gubmint Reg-Lations (& OMG Small Bid-Ness)!!! Furthermore, wingnuts often shift during a conversation, especially if they are being pulverized on the other line-of-operation.

    In my experience, wingnuts are mostly un-informed. (*) They think and speak in sweeping generalities and easy-to-remember slogans; their ‘argument’ simply moves down the list of Fox- / Rush- / Rand-approved bullet points, supported by a few anecdotal (or spurious) ‘examples’ .

    Moreover, wingnuts HATE precision (especially in what words mean). Pup’s Precision Counterattack forces wingnuts onto unfavorable ground … where accuracy and knowledge actually matter. Any Sadly commenter or lurker is certainly more-informed about current issues, history, and reality … and more skilled with language, both written and spoken. [Evidence for these assertions: Scroll to any point in the thread and read ten or twelve comments.]

    (*) I particularly thought of bbfk’s exaspirations when I wrote this paragraph.

  267. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:36

    tsam: Righteous rantat 19:14, bro

    Thanks, dude

  268. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:39

    bullet points, supported by a few anecdotal (or spurious) ‘examples’

    There are anecdotal examples of welfare cheats and frauds, people sliming their way through life on the backs of others–but the wingnuts conveniently forget that it’s their sacred “makers” who do the most damage by cheating and stealing from the government. Nobody games the system like a rich motherfucker with some resources at his disposal.

  269. Fenwick said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:44

    who actually came up with the ‘czar’ thing?

    The press. The term gained currency during the Oil Embargo of 1973. From Wiki…

    he trend began again in earnest[1] when President Richard Nixon created two offices whose heads became known as “czars” in the popular press: drug czar in 1971,[10] and especially energy czar in December 1973[11] referring to William E. Simon’s appointment as the head of the Federal Energy Administration.[12] Nixon told his cabinet that Simon would have “absolute authority” in his designated areas, and compared the intended result to Albert Speer’s role as the person in unquestioned charge of armaments for the Third Reich.[13] Simon found both the informal title “czar” and the Speer comparison unsettling.[13] However, at the height of the Arab oil embargo, Simon gave the position a good name by successfully putting into place a mandatory fuel allocation program and calming public fears about shortages without resorting to explicit gasoline rationing.[1][14]

  270. Fenwick said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:53

    Forgot link:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Czar_(political_term)

  271. Shakezula said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:54

    Well, I have been paid to write about the poop of health. So pppbffhffft!

  272. CRA said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:57

    I only trust people who write about poop for free. How do I know you’re not in the pocket of Big Poop?

  273. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 16, 2014 at 22:58

    All of which makes me want to rant about the evils of religion. “Conservatism” may have been at some point a political philosophy but now it’s religion. Religion is all about faith, belief regardless of evidence (or more often, the lack thereof). Believe what the pastor/priest/grand wazoo says is true and don’t ask questions!

    A delusion is a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary. Tax cuts boost the economy. Government austerity during economic slumps is an economic boon. Vote fraud is rampant. Raising the minimum wage devastates jobs. Et fucking cetera. Religion.

  274. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:05

    Et fucking cetera. Religion

    …that if two men you don’t even know get married, this somehow has some sort of effect on your own marriage.

    …That rights and liberties are things we GRANT people, rather than inalienable rights that shall not be infringed, even if the people are black or gay.

    …That freedom for me to take away the rights of others somehow equals “liberty and justice for all”.

  275. kg said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:08

    How do I know you’re not in the pocket of Big Poop?

    Beats the hell out of having a big poop in your pocket.

  276. Shakezula said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:08

    There are anecdotal examples of welfare cheats and frauds, people sliming their way through life on the backs of others–but the wingnuts conveniently forget that it’s their sacred “makers” who do the most damage by cheating and stealing from the government. Nobody games the system like a rich motherfucker with some resources at his disposal.

    Exhibit A: Gov. Rick Voldemort Scott.

    Seriously, if someone wants to cite fraud as the reason we should get rid of welfare programs they need to be ready to explain why we should continue to pay for publicly maintained roads. And that military thingee we have. Medicare? Oh, I already mentioned Voldemort.

    If Welfare must go then anything that involves government $$$ must go and – contrary to what Teahaddists believe – that would be a huge blow to the thousands of private companies that have contracts with the government.

  277. Major Kong said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:08

    “Conservatism” may have been at some point a political philosophy but now it’s religion.

    Of course it is. They just know this stuff has to work.

  278. Admiral Nelson said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:09

    the poop of health.

    The quarterdeck is most definitely UN-healthy.

  279. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:14

    POOP MERDE.

  280. VCarlson said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:16

    The quarterdeck is most definitely UN-healthy.

    Cue the Black Helicopters …

  281. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:17

    Beats the hell out of having a big poop in your pocket.

    Being IN a poopy pocket does not sound better than poop in your pocket.

  282. VCarlson said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:22

    POOP MERDE.

    Every time the Roberts Court comes out with (or looks like they’re about to) yet another of their pro-Gilded rulings (which, sadly, is most of the time these days), my dreams turn to visions like this (but ignited, dammit) gracing Certain Doorsteps.

  283. tsam said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:36

    Exhibit A: Gov. Rick Voldemort Scott.

    Say what you will about the tenets of being the Dark Lord, but at least it’s an ethos.

  284. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:58

    Well, I have been paid to write about the poop of health. So pppbffhffft!

    Well, I am extremely jealous of you. So there.

  285. Fenwick said,

    January 16, 2014 at 23:59

    BBBB: Before I forget, Age of Assquarius is wonderful. It totally scans in my haid.

    ———————

    bbkf: I admit to being Fake Gary. Thanks for noticing ‘deeper and derper’! (That ‘mis-keying’ error is also sustained on the keyboard: ‘E” and ‘R’ are adjacent.) Didja notice the ‘meta’ quality of Fenwick calling out Probably Fake Gary? (Wanted to deflect suspicion from myself.)

    I’m still working on Fake Gary style.

    At least this latest effort was good enough so that the Sadlyburg Guardians accepted ithe comment as Real Gary and erased it–and your comment–from the thread. I think I’m improving.

  286. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    January 17, 2014 at 0:00

    More about POOP transplants.

  287. bbkf said,

    January 17, 2014 at 0:17

    bbkf: I admit to being Fake Gary. Thanks for noticing ‘deeper and derper’!

    t’warnt me…

  288. Admiral Lord Nelson said,

    January 17, 2014 at 0:25

    Kiss me, Hardy.

  289. DataSnake said,

    January 17, 2014 at 0:34

    Cerb, I bet you didn’t know you’re an inhuman devil-woman created by liberals solely to strip conservatives of their rights: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/01/16/foxs-keith-ablow-trans-people-only-exist-as-part-of-liberal-plot-to-steal-your-rights/

  290. Fenwick said,

    January 17, 2014 at 0:41

    He comes from a line of sausage and patay* -mongers, Fenwick. Not rapists.

    I had NO idea of that. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot at SN including obscure topics that I knew nothing about. I thought Johnny Forcemeat sounded like a porn star name.

    When I developed the name for the backing-band, I envisioned a consensual story-line and session, pandering to a stereotypical male fantasy of multiple partners(*)–a staple porn storyline for decades

    I hesitated before I hit the Submit Comment button and considered the possibility that band name might sound rape-y. “Forcemeat” indeed sounded rape-y because of ‘force’, which is, of course, a key component in rape and rape culture.

    Anyway, I didn’t intend for the band-name to be rape-y; I apologize to CRA and any others who interpreted the name as supportive of rape culture.

    (*) Fwiw, not particularly strong among my own fantasies.

  291. Fenwick said,

    January 17, 2014 at 0:52

    bbkf: Oops. I musta mis-remembered. Well somebody noticed ‘deeper and derper’ and commented on it. Whoever, thanks for noticing.

  292. CRA said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:02

    The error, if any, was mine, good Fenwick, for an act of juvenility — to wit, the introduction of a suggestive term (forcemeat) under the guise of using it innocently. It is unpleasant on several levels, really, and wholly unbelievable as a surname (perhaps in French (which I don’t know) it’d strike me as plausible). Comedians like the Pythons make use of really absurd surnames on occasion, for effect. In that spirit, I hope you had fun. But it’s unpleasant — I think of poor, abused ducks, or worse.

  293. Admiral Lord Nelson said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:04

    You know, they pickled me in a barrel for the journey back to England.

  294. Andrew Breitbart said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:05

    I’m still dead.

  295. Admiral Lord Nelson said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:11

    Kiss me, Andrew. On my tuchus.

  296. Andrew Breitbart said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:22

    Okay, before I run some errands, I’m going to play the Band Game looking at everything since the Battle of the Bands. (Donts wants to do errands.)

    Also much thanx to tigris for spotting ‘deeper and derper’. I remembered it was one of the wimmins.

  297. Gary Ruppert said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:28

    The fact is libs want sexually confused people to be accordianed special rights that deprive God fearing Christians of practicing their religious tenants. A judgement is coming upon America that will wrender the polisexual libtards impotant. Procreation is for one man and one women with liberty and justuce for all.

  298. Fenwick said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:29

    Obvious nym-fail.

  299. Fenwick said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:31

    Fake Gary: Well-done! I like your restraint

  300. El Manquécito said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:52

    If I might break into the sock puppetry, the French word for forcemeat is ‘farce’. See galantine.

  301. Frederick Barbarossa said,

    January 17, 2014 at 1:53

    You know, they pickled me in a barrel for the journey back to England.

    It was your turn in the barrel.

  302. tsam said,

    January 17, 2014 at 2:28

    Ok, I’ll go there

    Poop in Pocket

    A: Band Name
    B: Weird Al take on The Pretenders’ “Brass in Pocket”.
    3: I’m a dumbass and doing it wrong.

  303. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 17, 2014 at 2:30

    Pretty sure weird Al would go with the obvious bass in pocket. The fish type, not the other because how could you fit a bass in your pocket.

  304. tsam said,

    January 17, 2014 at 2:32

    The fish type, not the other because how could you fit a bass in your pocket

    HAHA A bass guitar in your pocket! That’s a like a cat named Paul. Paul is a PERSON’S name!** LOLOLOLOLOLOL

    I hope you all watch Family Guy cuz that was a reference, k?

  305. Fenwick said,

    January 17, 2014 at 2:39

    Battle of Bands

    Lotta material in the thread! For brevity, I edited out six or seven good possibilites from the list.

    Aflflicted With Caddies
    Already Bruised
    Strangely Concentrated
    Johnny Forcemeat and the VeeJayJays
    Nasty Nasty
    No Germ Could Live
    Purple Monkey
    Ever Seen a Fish
    Window Lickers
    Sacred Platypus
    Poop in Your Pocket
    Fake Gary

  306. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 17, 2014 at 2:54

    Also it would be great visuals with the fish sticking out of a pocket. I know this because I got great reactions in my comparative anatomy class when I had a frog sticking out of my lab coat breast pocket. And then a mink’s head. And others.

  307. Cerberus said,

    January 17, 2014 at 2:59

    New post

  308. Pupienus Maximus said,

    January 17, 2014 at 3:02

    I laughed. Does that make me a bad person?*

    https://atheismafrica.wordpress.com/2014/01/08/nigerian-pastor-tries-to-walk-on-water-like-jesus-then-drowns-in-front-of-his-congregation/

    *rhetorical question. I don’t really give a fat flying Philadelphia fiddler’s fuck what anyone thinks.

  309. tigris said,

    January 17, 2014 at 5:00

    Poop in Pocket

    A: Band Name
    B: Weird Al take on The Pretenders’ “Brass in Pocket”.
    3: I’m a dumbass and doing it wrong.

    iii: worst idea for a microwave meal EVAR.

  310. Smut Clyde said,

    January 17, 2014 at 11:19

    in my comparative anatomy class when I had a frog sticking out of my lab coat breast pocket. And then a mink’s head
    Way to cheat in the exams, dude.

  311. Smut Clyde said,

    January 17, 2014 at 11:26

    Also I advise studying invertebrate zoology because if you smuggle a Gnathostomulid or a Gastrotrich or a Kinorhynchan into the exam, who’s going to notice?

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