Eulogy for the Dead
~They’re creepy and they’re kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They’re all together ooky,
The Homophobe Family.~
Dr. Keith Ablowjob, The Centralized Fembot Factory:
Marriage died in 2013
Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to mark the passing of a noble individual. Harold T. Marriage had a long life, long predating the religions that have sought to unilaterally own him. And he had a troubled life as a long-standing and rigid institution. Impossible to change, he rapidly spent life flitting between different incarnations, whether the hallowed institution of one man and an ever-sprawling harem of women and captured slaves forced into life-long rape or more recently, as a bill of sale from father to husband. He has served as soulless and loveless political unions of pointless royalty and as a means of acquiring houseslaves one could legally rape. Yes, he had a good life.
But sadly, all great lives must come to a close and after many years battling deep illness caused by his transformation into the creation of legal family for reasons of love, he finally succumbed and became no more in the dimming lights of 2013.
All those he has touched, the legally bound couples he has spent so many years tying together in warm loving connection must now become unholy fuckbuddies only able to refer to the people who light up their lives as “that guy/girl who lives in my house”. So it is written in our free copies of the Republican Bible, amen!
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- If we can’t have marriage (exclusively), then no one can have it! Burn it down as we retreat to future victories!
Oh man, you know what’s not going to get old anytime soon? Pissy homophobes stamping their feet and yelling at the sky that they’re going to totally take their toys (that were never theirs) and go home if they have to share it with the fags.
And it’s only gotten more violently shocked as the magical 50% mark has been passed and they can no longer cite the majority as if that was somehow an argument for second class citizenship and arbitrary cruelty.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, we are entering an age where Pup and his adorable hubby can get legally wed and it’s just not a thing. Where fucking Utah, home of the Mormon anti-gay movement, had a few legally-binding ceremonies. Where the equal marriage “fight” is essentially over, minus the last round of mopping up in the “We’re still fighting the War for Slaves” holdout states.
And to see the slow-moving minds of our national dinosaurs adjust to this after years of being able to swagger all over New York and California as if they owned the world is just mwa, fantastik!
Add all that to the traditional hyperbole that is the linkbait that is FoxNews.com and you get something downright magical.
More than a year ago, when states began to legalize gay marriage, I argued that polygamy would be the natural result.
And seeing as how gay marriage has more or less succeeded, viewpoints on creepy polygamist cults is still the same as ever (nice irony on that, by the way, seeing as how a creepy polygamist cult was the main actor in the Prop 8 push here in California), and there are exactly zero legal poly marriages of any kind (creepy polygamist style or genuine multi-member marriages as would well serve the polyamorous community), clearly I was gravely mistaken and must make dire apologies for my irresponsible fear mongering… will not be what he says.
If love between humans of legal age is the only condition required to have the state issue a marriage license,
I love how much losing really makes conservatives drop the whole “message discipline” bullshit and say what they are really angry about.
Like with abortion, they’ve gone full on whackjob on the notion that women are allowed to leave the house without male protectors. And with gay marriage, they’ve just said fuck it and let their melted steel hatred of the concept of “consent” and the fact that wives are no longer legally property run all over the place.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, he says this like it’s a bad thing. Like the notion that humans of legal age and with consent can form a union he is not a part of is so obviously bad that he expects that pesky “silent majority” of dead-enders to cheer him.
And the sick part is that he’s probably right.
then it is irrational to assert that two men or two women can have such feelings for one another, while three women and a man, or two men and a woman, cannot.
Sigh. This shit again.
You know what? Yeah.
Eventually in the long thread of time, it would be nice if we could have some category of legal family available for long-term triads, quads, and other polyamorous arrangements to take care of each other. It’s sad that many of the same problems that affected queer partners still affect the non-wed partners of a long-term stable family even though they might be sharing in the tasks of child-raising, home-creation, and most importantly be in beautiful consensual love with their partners.
It genuinely sucks and it’d be great if we as a society could find a way to protect them, whether it’s creating another category or expanding the institution of marriage.
But it’s not gonna happen anytime soon and both you and I know damn well why. Fuck, your knowledge of why is the only reason you are bringing up this shit as a last-ditch effort to smear the queers on your way to the dustbin of history.
And that reason is fucking creepy Mormons. Fucking creepy Mormons means that loving triads will probably not have legal protections in my lifetime. Is why if I marry, I will only be able to marry my partner and not my girlfriend even if we are together 20+ years. Because fucking creepy Mormons and their fucking creepy polygamist cults with their shit ton of religious baggage and their propensity with playing fast and loose with not only the age of consent, but the very notion of consent itself is all anyone thinks of when they think of the words “poly marriage”. And the endless stream of bullshit reality shows trying to put a happy face on it all ain’t really helping.
There will be no poly marriages for you to rail against outside the same non-legal religious or areligious ceremonies that queer people had to make do with for so long for a damn long while. And you know it. So let’s both save ourselves the effort of going over this old chestnut for the five millionth time.
On a related note, for fuck’s sake people, I know you are reflexively opposed to change, but you could at least change your bullshit once it has completely filled the shed.
I have met would-be polygamists who cohabitate as groups and I can tell you that they seemed to be very committed to one another, to be very intimate and to be “in love.”
You probably have. Poly relationships aren’t exactly new and they are in many ways and in some communities not at all rare. Hell, I probably know more romantic asexuals who are in poly relationships than in mono ones. Love happens and it happens in many different ways, even spreading out from what to the outside world looks like a proper white man, white woman two-person legal and religious marriage.
And as your stone heart can attest, it can be just as loving and intimate as any two-person romantic long-term relationship.
But hey, let’s not let you admitting that even if poly marriages were allowed it wouldn’t be the end of the world stop your attempt to argue that any step down the slippery slope towards eventual poly marriages will end the world.
Gay rights groups criticized me for suggesting that their bid for marriage rights would lead to polygamy being green-lighted.
Criticized. Mocked. Two words that may sound similar, but are in fact rather different. I know. I was shocked to discover the truth myself!
I received threats of being raped and being killed from gay people who didn’t like the point I was making and seemed to think I should be brutalized or die for it.
Cool story, (hete)ro.
Bet that totally happened as much as all the “death threats” poor Faubus received from all those uppity niggers or Louis XVI received from all the peas- Okay, that one I’ll grant you, but the rest… not so much.
Well, now U.S. District Court Judge Clark Waddoups has found parts of Utah’s anti-bigamy law unconstitutional. His ruling comes in a case brought by Kody Brown and his four wives, who are featured in the reality TV show, “Sister Wives.”
I believe the U.S. Supreme Court will uphold that finding, if Utah challenges it.
Ha! With that many Catholics on the bench and Justice Kennedy having to do a hem and haw dance when one side literally showed up to court with zero legal case and only barely the right to present it? Uh huh, sure, and on that day pigs will fly out my ass and discover the lost island of Brigadoon.
As I predicted, this will officially make marriage the Wild West,
Are you really allowed to crow about having predicted something when the thing you are predicting has yet to (and in fact will never) come to pass?
Or is that not how that phrase works in wingnutland?
Also, on the subject of enhanced interrogation techniques on turn of phrase enemy combatants, um, “Wild West”.
A) The period of Southwestern American history popularly regarded as the “Wild West” was not in fact anything like what was popularized in Western movies. Most famous outlaws were just scrawny little kids trying to survive. You could become the most famous “gunslinger” just by having the insane idea to stay sober for gunfights and one could pretty much end violence in a town by banning guns at the drinking establishments or at the town entrance.
B) Giving you instead the John Wayne fantasy, um, exactly what the hell are you seeing as the parallel here? “Good” guys fighting “bad” guys with guns? Random train heists? I would guess you are trying to stretch a metaphor to lawlessness, but hey, you know what word would work a hell of a lot better for that? ANARCHY!
C) How? Cause, see, that nightmare future where queers could get married has come to pass and the only parts of America that in any way resemble Somalia are the ones in which Libertarians have gotten too many electoral votes. There’s no rioting, no warlords, in fact, if you were to go about your bigoted day, I doubt you’d see any real fucking difference. And guess what? If poly marriage suddenly became legal (which it won’t, not anytime soon), then the same who gives a shit will come to pass then as now. Monogamous straight people will still get wed. Monogamous straight people will still get divorced. And no one who isn’t the poly people getting married and their friends and family will be affected in any way.
D) Which, to wrap it all up to the extreme boredom that most characterized the actual “Old West”, then perhaps yes, it was an apt metaphor after all.
in which groups of people can assert that they are married and should have all the benefits of that status, including family health plans and the right to file taxes as married people.
Wait, rewind that.
As I predicted, this will officially make marriage the Wild West, in which groups of people can assert that they are married and should have all the benefits of that status, including family health plans and the right to file taxes as married people.
This is your Western fantasy, lawless violent hellscape of sand and blood?
People having access to health care and joint filing taxes?
This is your anarchy strewn climactic fights of white hats and black hats, where bandits reign until the last third of the movie? People stating things and having legal protections if someone falls ill or dies?
Um, AIEEE, I guess, what a nightmare, or whatever.
Seriously? I don’t know whether to pity you or fear for whatever poor creature ever crosses your path in a dark alley.
It will also, eventually, lead to test cases in which a few unusual sisters and brothers insist that they can marry,
Probably not. I mean, cousins maybe, and it’s worth noting that in several states cousins have more legal rights to create legal families than loving gay people, but not siblings and not parent and child.
And the reason for that goes far beyond the social taboo onto the point which is that such relationships, much like teacher and student or boss and worker can be inherently coercive against consent.
Oh, sorry, did I get in the way of your tired little slippery slope argument with my facts again? I did, didn’t I? I’m so sorry. Please. Do continue.
because they are in love and promise not to procreate, but, instead, to use donor eggs or sperm.
And, I predict, the courts will agree with them.
Heh. It’s kind of funny, after Nate Silver and others accurately predicted the election, to see the right-wing turn against the very notion of “making accurate predictions” as a left-wing bastardization against the true faith of being aggressively wrong all the time.
I swear we are one or two reality checks away from the right-wing deciding that breathing is dangerously liberal.
Given this dissolution of support for society’s vested interest in providing children
I don’t know. We seem to be doing all right. People are still reproducing at an unsustainable rate and kids continue to be cared for by loving families and neglected by abusive housesholds that view them as ambulatory property, just the same as usual. I mean, we could use a bit more funding in education and an expansion of child care and other legal protections, but on average, I’d say we’re doing an almost tolerable job as a society in caring for our kids. Certainly no worse, and in many respects, better than previous generatio-
with a mother and father
Oh, you wanted to couple the former with a framing of hetero marriage only so that the goodwill of the former would bolster your bigoted “defense” of the latter. Sorry, my bad.
Clearly, now that the fags can wed and have legal protections for their kids, all straight people must huddle outside for heat barred from ever forming legal unions of their own due to the zero-sum nature of marriage and other human rights.
Poor poor heteros.
they can point to with certainty,
Um, can I get a rewind again?
Given this dissolution of support for society’s vested interest in providing children with a mother and father they can point to with certainty,
Um… not to sound uncaring to your “plight” in this lawless marriageless anarchy, but um… who gives a shit?
I mean, it’s not like children’s minds will literally explode if they have two people called mommy or two people called daddy. It’s not like they are so stupid that they need to have two clearly labeled individuals with massively differing gender performances or else they’ll be emotionally and socially scarred.
I mean, for fuck’s sake, I know you are reaching to paint a ho-hum eventuality as some dire earth-shattering Apocalypse, but um… no. Just no.
Sigh, at least it can’t get more inane-
in households where both genders are equally represented,
Well, look who’s wrong!
I don’t… I don’t even know where to begin with this pile of fractal wrongness. I mean, it’s so stupid, I can’t even detangle what errant thought process first afterbirthed it into existence.
So instead, I just have to ask whether Dr. Keith Ablow would strangle his kids if they didn’t have the decency to be male-female fraternal twins, because anything less would be disrupting the all-too-critical gender balance of the household.
Sigh… once again I fear for all small mammals who carelessly wander under his bridge.
it is very clear that government should get out of issuing marriage licenses, entirely.
Yes… that proves that other thing.
We all agree with that. Now, can you please put down that knife and hand over the baby gently. I know it messed up your 50/50 gender split, but- OH GOD, THE HUMANITY!
People who wish to create special partnerships of the heart and home should sign prenuptial contracts with one another and then exchange vows at their churches or temples or in front of gatherings of family or special friends.
Wow, wherever did us nasty queers get the notion that conservatives are anti-love? Fuck, if prenups and a random ceremony are all you think marriage is, then damn boy, you should be fucking grateful to be rid of exclusive ownership of that, not bitching and moaning that the queers stole a piece of the cake and made it all fag-looking.
Also, totally entering this into evidence as yet another example of how much conservatives seem absolutely in exile from the notion of joy and togetherness. I swear they are just about 2 human rights struggles away from dressing up in a Santa costume and trying to steal Christmas.
No different status or privilege should flow to married people, whatsoever. All individuals who earn income should file taxes, separately.
Ha! As if you straight people would let yourselves be even moderately inconvenienced just to punish gay people. I mean, for fuck’s sake, you bawled like street cats at the fact that your invasive airport security theater was stopping everybody, you’d last five seconds without the conveniences legal marriage affords you.
I mean, oh noes, Mr. Hetero, please don’t break the marriage toy just because you don’t want to share it! Even though that action shows how mature and noble you are!
The truth is that government never had a defensible role in marriage.
Except for, you know, always being the governing body in charge of marriage and the only institution in any way affected by the unions.
I’m terribly sorry your attempt to steal marriage for Team Church Dominance was as fumbling as everything else you’ve ever tried, but I’m fairly sure you’re not going to get your way just by having a giant temper tantrum like a sleepy three-year-old.
It should always have been the exclusive domain of the individuals and institutions that choose to recognize such interpersonal unions.
Um… it is?
I know you’ve gotten really high off the “Government is an evil alien entity” product, but it doesn’t mean that it’s in any way changed it’s actual definition.
Sorry to break it to you. Better luck next time.
Churches should be allowed to define marriage as they wish and offer marriage certificates only to those who comply with their definitions. Temples, just the same. Communes can do it, for all I care.
Indeed they do.
What you are bawling on the ground pounding your fists over is the fact that not only is your religious institution allowed to grant marriage licenses as it chooses, but others are allowed as they choose. And not all agree with your narrow-minded bullshit. And in fact, what you are really clawing the drapes and howling lamentations to the sky over is the fact that you’ve ripped off the mask and revealed to the world that your narrow-minded religious bullshit really didn’t fucking matter when all was said and done.
Your little church and it’s little regulations on marriage do not and have never mattered except as a nice little toy to make easy marks like you feel extra special on your “special day” as if your personal God was honoring you personally for getting hitched.
And because you were brats who wanted your church to trump all churches and people everywhere, you broke the illusion and showed everyone the truth. That you and your “God” do not matter in this arena. That they do not affect anything outside your little tiny church in the middle of nowhere.
At least, not where marriage is concerned. And certainly not to where others needed to follow your narrow religious idea of what a marriage “looks like”.
Congratulations on that. I’m sure your asshole God would be proud on so completely fucking that up.
Any organization, in fact, should be able to award the status to anyone they like. But, states and the federal government should have no part in it, whatsoever.
I know I’m repeating myself a little bit, but there’s really there’s no other way to take this argument but as the spoiled little rich kid trying to break the day care center’s toys because he doesn’t want to share them with anyone and being shocked and hurt that the center isn’t just letting him get away with it.
I’m sorry, dickwaffle, but they’re just not your toys and you need to share or go back into the time-out corner. Your choice.
Ah, right, time-out corner it is.
Only child support should be mandatory, because the state has a legitimate interest in ensuring that minors not be without financial resources.
Oh don’t let the massive MRA component of the religious right and libertarian right hear you on that one. Child support is second only to castration in their book of all-time injustices and horrors to befall people.
Marriage is over.
Ding dong, the witch is dead?
It was always at least a little funny that a huge percentage of people swore to stay together until death, then divorced and remarried.
But, now, it is, officially, judicially, a joke.
Wait.
Did you just take our wry commentary on how “hallowed” you treated the “sacred” act of marriage when denying us the right and try and straight up steal it?
Um… I’m not entirely sure you are allowed to do that.
Also, what is with the massive uptick in anti-divorce activism on the right. I mean, I know that was always waiting in the wings if they won on the gay marriage issue, because the notion of people marrying out of love and not just being trapped in a sexist institution bugs the hell out of them, but they kinda needed to… you know… win for that to even be remotely viable.
I really don’t think the squishy moderates who are getting on board with love=love are going to be super keen on “and now you normals can’t ever get divorced too” anytime soon.
If two men can marry, and three men can marry, and five women and a man can marry, and three men and two women can marry, then marriage has no meaning.
Why?
Cause, see, I’ve seen this “meaning” argument thrown around for literally years now, and there has yet to be a conservative who has remotely begun answering the critical question of why. Why would mere numbers or configuration render marriage meaningless?
Is this institution so fragile after so many transformations that the mere notion of two people of same genders or where one partner doesn’t define themselves to a binary gener or where multiple partners exist renders it moot and meaningless?
I mean, even if we were to sacrifice the notion of marriage as a union of love, between partners making what they hope will be a lifelong commitment in whatever form they define that, and grant you your “traditional” marriage as a loveless exchange of property, then how would numbers or genders really break it, really render moot the baggage the word has carried-
And that’s the issue, isn’t it? That this is the same fight against the notion of wives having the right not to be raped or to own their own property or have careers outside the house. That the baggage of marriage, all the critiques of its institutional sexism, the way the popular image of church weddings and drama have undercut the people trying to celebrate a romantic connection. That all of that has been losing.
Year by year, marriage as an institution has become less horrible and constricting with cruel gender roles and unhappy couples clinging to each other out of nothing but spite and bitter acknowledgment of the bear trap of children. That it instead has begun growing into a new kind of institution. One where love is the central focus. Where it can end if both parties are unhappy and that staying together through abuse or neglect isn’t necessary for “public appearances”. Where both parties can define what being married means to themselves. Where one group can have a suburban home with a grill and another can swing down to the dungeon every week and separately have some fun. Where that first one can be two gay men and the latter can be a conservatively dressed hetero couple and where it’s not the end of the world if two people love each other or twelve.
Where marriage as a trap and a bitter pill is giving way to marriage as a celebration and where the people in a relationship matter more than the “relationship” or the “marriage” as societally defined.
That you have, in every meaning of the term, lost “traditional” marriage and all its potential to wound and must give way to marriages between equals full of love and regard for each other.
In short, you have lost.
It’s over.
Aw, we’re already finishing each other’s sentences, clearly it must be lov-
Go get rings, go get lawyers, go rent a nice hall,
I don’t know. This is awfully fast. I mean. I only just met you and you are in every respect a repulsive and overly controlling old toad and-
but City Hall should bow out.
B-b-but we’ve been dating for years and now you just want me to dump him out of the blue so we can get wed. That’s just… no. I’m sorry, you seem like a very nice, bigot, but that’s a little too damn forceful for a first date.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. I’m a heartbreaker. And by that I mean, I rip out men’s hearts and then snap them over my knee like dry twigs. Hope that’s not a turn-off. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
Flust!
Second.
BBBB: Left a comment for you…last one on previous thread.
BBBB: Left a comment for you…last one on previous thread.
Thanks, Fenwick! So… remember how I’d occasionally get on your case, asking you when you were going to start a blog? Now that you are settled into the City of the White Oak, would you consider blogging? Your depth of experience should manifest itself in some very interesting reading material.
Ablow, Ablow, Ablow… I can’t believe he still shows himself in public after his crowning moment of dickery, his “asspotheosis”, if you will. Behold, Ablow’s incredibly racist take on Gangnam Style:
Well, look, there will be those who dismiss this as having no meaning just a good beat and a lot of fun, I won’t be one of those dismissing it, because when you approach a billion views on YouTube and surpassed Justin Bieber, perhaps, you’re tapping into something, and I think what this fellow is tapping into is in fact this PSY, he is tapping into the fact that people don’t want any meaning right now, music, the most popular music apparently is that without intelligible words to some extent that simply conveys you to a distant place beat wise, doesn’t try to convince you of anything; that doesn’t try to raise your emotions, it just is sort of like a drug and that seems to be what most people seem to want right now, not reality, not feeling, not meaning.
That’s right, folks, the Korean language is unintelligible in Ablow’s world and, presumably, translations don’t exist.
Of course, Bill O’Reilly was not to be outdone:
Yeah, but but well, wait, wait, wait wait – Elvis Presley could sing, he had a good voice…
His songs had words: Are you lonesome tonight. Okay, all right…
He put on a show, this is a little fat guy from Yongyang or some place the old…
Whatever and he is jumping up and down, there’s no comparison between PSY and you know, they’re are like 16 guys named PSY on Long Island that I can tell you about these, don’t look like him, all right, so there’s no, and the phenomenon I mean you can understand Presley, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, even Justin Bieber I got all that, all right, but this is something more, but I think you may be on to something because this is internet driven and it looks to me like the internet is just a place where people want some kind of numb, they want to numb themselves to some degree.
Ablow, what more do you need to know about the guy?
the most popular music apparently is that without intelligible words
In-a-gadda-da-vida baby!
Also, Prisecolinensinenciousol:
zomg, teh weather has been stupid. It has thawed and then dropped to below minus twenty twice since the ice storm. Right now, gusts are apparently 75 km/h.
LEAFS SUCK’s first ghey marriage was twelve years ago. I guess G-d has a huge backlog and can only rain down destructive weather as Divine Justice for perverting His Law after a dozen years. I am making a note to not be in Salt Lake City in 2026.
Well, now U.S. District Court Judge Clark Waddoups has found parts of Utah’s anti-bigamy law unconstitutional.
And it would have been equally unconstitutional, or equally constitutional, whether or not states recognised gay marriage, and Ablow’s attempt to frame it as the next step down the slippery slope is a pile of fetid dingos’ kidneys.
I’m pretty sure “traditional marriage” was once defined as purchasing a 13-year-old from her father for 3 goats and a cow.
Well, yes, marriage for most of my immediate ancestors involved jumping over a broomstick together with the rest of the village as witnesses, or eloping together before an angry father took revenge — these being ancestors being churls and villeins with too little property for the church or the nobility to care about solemnising the weddings with formal contracts.
Which possibly leaves me agreeing with Ablow, that “government should get out of issuing marriage licenses, entirely.” In one of the late lamented Alex Comfort’s novels, the narrator describes ‘marriage’ as “a dog license issued by god, or by the state, and I do not recognise either institution”.
Poly marriages also have alot of things that have to be negotiated. One size won’t fit most.
Not that I don’t believe they shouldn’t have recognition – just that it’ll be a different thing entirely, probably more akin to an alacart menu than a marriage. Some will want non-reciprocative powers; legally we may wish to limit immunity; some will need to share parental rights; some will want to sort those out separately. How do we deal when two partners disagree about the medical decision of a third?
It’s a different kettle of fish. More like a business than a marriage is, and just like a business partnership, off the shelf will probably not fit.
I gotta say, I’m chomping at the bit to do my taxes this year. We’ve lost, on average, $10,000 a year in the last ten to extra taxes because our partnership wasn’t recognized.
That’s like, alot. I could have a tricked out Tesla with that money.
Or I can take the refund this year and suddenly be out of debt.
The fact is, gays getting married is like dogs getting married, it is unnatural and disgusting. Most Americas agree with me. I wish a small minorite of perverts and there enablers (liberal) would stop shoving things down my throat.
Ablow *almost* has it right, actually. The state has an interest in marriage insofar as it relates to property distribution, end of life and care decisions, and providing for children…in essence the contract law part.
Beyond that, the State shouldn’t care what the makeup of the family is.
On the obverse, the church should have no role in the contractural end of marriage.
Come on now. Don’t these idiots know I killed marriage in 1988 with my last divorce?
“Last?” Don’t get cocky.
the legally bound couples he has spent so many years tying together in warm loving connection must now become unholy fuckbuddies only able to refer to the people who light up their lives as “that guy/girl who lives in my house”
HOT.
More than a year ago, when states began to legalize gay marriage, I argued that polygamy would be the natural result.
If homonups are the natural cause of polygamy, which has existed for much if not most of human history, then gay marriage IS a traditional marriage.
As I predicted, this will officially make marriage the Wild West,
I looked up the Rawhide lyrics to figure out how this will work.
Churches should be allowed to define marriage as they wish and offer marriage certificates only to those who comply with their definitions. Temples, just the same. Communes can do it, for all I care…. but City Hall should bow out.
So, it will IMMEDIATELY be what you say it never should become, but that’s OK as long as it has the imprimatur of what you claim is the higher, more important authority, and the less important body you don’t take very seriously because you think it can’t do anything right doesn’t give tax breaks to anybody? Way to stand by your principles there.
The truth is, liberalism is a conspiracy against creative spelling of the Anglish language.
Five seconds after we switched to the Religious Institutions Only model of marriage certificates issuance they’d remember the UUs and start demanding that the UU be stripped of its status as a religious institution per their very special reading of the 1st Am.
zomg, teh weather has been stupid.
ugh, yes!
The fact is, gays getting married is like dogs getting married, it is unnatural and disgusting. Most Americas agree with me.
au contraire…absolutely NOTHING is cuter than a dog wedding! those little costumes…awwwww adorbable!
Exactly what would happen then?
Well, it would mean that the IRS would come to collect taxes on what you spend on your spouse’s share of healthcare.
It would mean at the end of the year, you can’t pool your deductions.
If your spouse gets a benefit from, or part ownership in, those tax credits or deductions are supposed to be split based upon the ownership.
If your spouse is sick, you don’t have the right to see them.
If your spouse is unable, you don’t have the right to make choices for them.
You can be compelled to testify against your spouse. Including things they’ve shared with you in private. Including anything you’ve told your lawyer.
If your spouse dies, their closest blood relative gets to choose, not you.
If your spouse has investments or income, you can’t benefit from it when said spouse dies or is dismembered.
You can’t collect your spouse’s vet’s benefits, military spousal benefits, military housing, or Social Security.
Sure, you can have some papers that might do a few of these – but they’re all backed by the government. Without a government system of choosing who gets these rights, it just doesn’t happen. Even in California we continue to have cases where nursing homes and hospitals have ignored durable medical power of attorney and survivorship rights.
So no, the government can’t just bow out.
More than a year ago, when states began to legalize gay marriage, I argued that polygamy would be the natural result.
You argued, yes. Proved, not so much. Also, STFU. This STILL doesn’t affect your life.
@Gary R: ” I wish a small minorite of perverts and there enablers (liberal) would stop shoving things down my throat.”
Apropos, the Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,10861/
In re: the sounds of English up-thread, check out “Anguish Languish” for some serious brain-twisting homophony. A sample:
Crissa,
I too am looking forward to preparing one return. And yeah, high four figures maybe five in savings. Thing is, as satisfying as that is I think that I get more satisfaction when I refer to ‘my husband’ and it means something.
What you are bawling on the ground pounding your fists over is the fact that not only is your religious institution allowed to grant marriage licenses as it chooses, but others are allowed as they choose.
No church in the US can issue a marriage license. Only the state can do that. Churches are empowered only to solemnize the marriage. The state then issues a marriage certificate.
And not all agree with your narrow-minded bullshit.
I’ve had fun confronting them with their religious intolerance. Boy howdy are the dances they do highly amusing.
the comments over there are a mixed bag…this being the most reasonable:
He merely cohabitated with these women, and they all willingly were his sexual mates.
So that would make them concubines? That’s completely biblical.
It must be exhausting to spend so much time worrying that your life is going to be totally ruined because two people you don’t know can get married.
I wonder why the SEXXORZ has to enter into any of this anyways. Well aside from it being teh SEXXORZ.
People are arranging their lives in different ways. Sure sexual compatability is an important factor in many relationships, but it is certainly not the only one. A year or so ago when New York legalized, there was this push for Bert and Ernie to get Ghey Married and for some reason there was all this hooferaw about muppets having no genitals. At the time I argued that muppets do in fact engage in romantic entanglements but there is a much more fundamental argument here. Who fucking cares if they are doing it – they’ve been cohabiting for a gajillion seasons and their relationship is as deep and meaningful as, for example, Luis and Maria. What if Ernie was attacked by moths and needed emergency muppet medical attention (paging Dr Rowlf)? Would it make any sense to deny Bert visitation rights?
Family units and households have always been wide and varied. Why can’t we recognize some of them other than Mom, Dad and 2.3 kids?
It must be exhausting to spend so much time worrying that your life is going to be totally ruined because two people you don’t know can get married.
and i don’t know how they can even fit that in with all the worrying about death panels and obama taking over the world…
also, i will believe their ‘sanctity of marriage/one man/one woman’ crap when they put the same amount of energy into protesting against shows such as ‘the bachelor’ ‘the bachelorette’ and now ’90 day fiancee’…and celebrity marriages…
Well thanks so much, Mr. Fantasy-Ruining Guy.
Little known fact: muppets have genitals. They are on the insides.
Well actually, considering the etymology of “genital” and the nature of muppet procreation, their genitals are probably sewing machines. Likely with multiple preset stitch configurations. And adjustable thread tension. And, uh, I’ll be in my bunk.
See that, DKW has opened up new threads of fantasy.
If so I wish it left them too tired to talk or write.
See, Mitt Romney had it right all along: Corporations (a.k.a. people) are the answer! Every person and/or random family group of any number of people just needs form a corporation, and then we will make it so that anybody on “the board” of the corporation gets all the legal rights that spouses currently have.
Nothing could possibly go wrong.
Actually, now that I write that down, I’d be surprised if one of these folks hasn’t actually suggested that already…
See that, DKW has opened up new threads of fantasy.
oh, the very notion!
Little known fact: muppets have genitals. They are on the insides.
wait…isn’t there usually a hand up there? are muppets masturbating 24/7?!
No, silly! Of course not.
They’re being fisted 24/7.
Based on what I’ve seen, attempting to form a legally protected relationship in a state that doesn’t allow equal marriage can be a lot like setting up a corporation. Or at least an LLC.
Marriage is between one man and one 16 or 17 year old girl so she won’t have her hand in your pockets and she can clean your ducks and cook and bruise only in places that can’t be seen.
Thus sayeth The Oracle Of Bunnyfuck, Louisiana – endorsed by the network employing His Doctornence Keith (Keith) Ableargh, and sactified by Saint Sarah Sillyputty of the Abstinence Clan.
See that, DKW has opened up new threads of fantasy.
What phantastical tales he will weave, I’m sure.
It must be exhausting to spend so much time worrying that your life is going to be totally ruined because two people you don’t know can get married.
So exhausting they never even bother to come up with any real, measurable deleterious effects or a good reason why the government should enforce their personal opinion.
World fucking domination baby!
You say that as though it’s a bad thing.
http://www.americanthinker.com/2013/12/why_i_cannot_blame_russia_and_india_for_taking_on_the_gays.html
He’ll stitch together many MOM tales, no doubt.
So exhausting they never even bother to come up with any real, measurable deleterious effects or a good reason why the government should enforce their personal opinion.
But they got hurt all up in their feefees! SEND IN THE MARINES!
Because there’s nothing they like to gaze at like a man in a uniform.
IBIMB
But as he sews so shall he weep.
I know of no one more qualified to craft some truly warped stories.
There are real gay organizations in the West, who are engaging in real machinations to spread their sickness all over the globe.
Homos want to be on top of the world. Except for those that don’t.
the legally bound couples he has spent so many years tying together
KINKY.
Crissa:
So no, the government can’t just bow out. [because taxation, inheritance, benefits aspects of marraige]
Hey, no fair throwing cold water on my naive anarchic tendencies.
I sense a pattern here.
if we don’t have any bias we can selvage this thread…
See that, DKW has opened up new threads of fantasy.
Like a head bobbin up and down?
Of course I remember, you Big Bald Nice Person! You are a persuasive guy and I appreciated your encouragement. Very much appreciated, compadre. But I will not be making a blog; I fear it would divert me from writing fiction. It sounds too tempting. (For much the same reason I don’t have a TV.)
I hope it appears in my decades-long fiction project, compadre.
Like a head bobbin up and down?
whatever…a-hem…threads your needle, i gusset…
and i don’t know how they can even fit that in with all the worrying about death panels and obama taking over the world…
Also Benghazi.
Also Benghazi.
funny you should mention that…when i read the good dr.’s original, there were no less than 3 mentions of benghazi on the fox page…chicken, keep fucking…
Band names:
Anarchic Tendencies
Bunnyfuck
Churls and Villeins
Fetid Dingos
Rawhide Lyrics
End of Civilization
Attacked by Moths
Also Benghazi
I know of no one more qualified to craft some truly warped stories.
if we don’t have any bias we can selvage this thread…
Have you people quite finished spooling around yet?
So exhausting they never even bother to come up with any real, measurable deleterious effects or a good reason why the government should enforce their personal opinion.
Except for exceptional exceptionalism, of course. Christians have a perfect track record of being humane and civil.
I SAW GOODY PUPENIUS WITH THE DEVIL!
(They were naked and TOTALLY hated it.)
hiya bbkf. I tooled around on the NWS site for a while. It looks like Minnesota is past the ‘worst’. Are the pooches stir crazy by now? Are you and hubbkf delerious from cabin fever?
This is a strange storm, imo. It seems to be mostly bitter cold and high winds–sustained or gusts–that produce fookin’ brutal wind-chills… yet with (relatively) little precip involved.
Peeples north of the Ohio River and east of the Appalachians: Y’all button up!!
Also cuddling with someone–human or critter–is highly recommended.
okay, i wasn’t going to drop off this mango,
Christians have a perfect track record of being humane and civil.
has forced my hand:
does the lol at the end mean it’s okay?
also, goody tigris disrupted my typing skills with her wicked, wicked accusation…
gah!!! that would be tsam, not tigris…apparently the polar vortex has sucked all my brain cells out mah skull…
does the lol at the end mean it’s okay?
Oh, of course. LOL.
As a very conservative loving Christian I delight in the deaths of my fellow humans if they have sex I find icky when I think and think and think about it.
Christians have a perfect track record of being humane and civil.
Sure. Just ask anyone who came in contact with the Spanish back in the day.
Except for exceptional exceptionalism, of course.With notably rare exceptions Christians have a perfect track record of being humane and civil.Because of internet traditions.
maeve is after her ice chunk again…she seems to think barking at it will do something…
With notably rare exceptions Christians have a perfect track record of being humane and civil.
The fact is here in real America were tired of the gay facist minorites telling us what to do and think, we are free people and if we think gay people are disgusting you cants stop us much less legislate us to love you.
Not really a bunk, more like a cot. A cotton which I lay. I had never felt this way, but a man’s fancy will go where twill.
Dogs only want to go outside because argle-bargle gay sex.
DEVIL’S ADVOCATE
On incestuous marriage: Can we really legally ban the marriage of two consenting adults on the basis their relationship must be unhealthy? The law doesn’t judge any other marriages. Cerb cites teacher/student relationships as also being unhealthy but those are perfectly legal if the actors are overage. People are free to have terrible marriages.
Facist: One who judges others based on facial features.
she seems to think barking at it will do something
Well, it works on you, right?
also, i will believe their ‘sanctity of marriage/one man/one woman’ crap when they put the same amount of energy into protesting against shows such as ‘the bachelor’ ‘the bachelorette’ and now ’90 day fiancee’…and celebrity marriages…
I’d settle for them just not giving passes to serial adulterers like Newt Gingrich and Mike Ensign.
There are real gay organizations in the West, who are engaging in real machinations to spread their sickness all over the globe.
Oh, yeah, like those gay groups fomenting anti-Christian violence in Uganda…
heh…some dude on fb just told me that ‘moochelle’ is the angriest first lady ever! she has taken all of the priveliges america has to offer and she is still pissed at the commoners!
i think he was upset because i called him out for making fat jokes about a person who is not fat and that is quite possibly why most women have image issues…
All those sewing puns had me in stitches!
‘moochelle’ is the angriest first lady ever
Zombie Mary Todd Lincoln is on her way over to break a dainty foot off in his ass.
All those sewing puns had me in stitches!
srsly? is this the baste you could do?!
bbkf dredged up a surprisingly green mango:
By this time, I would expect there already to be at least one comment whose coherence level is somewhere around “Go peddle your America-hating weirdo commie papers to the Red Russians, commie weirdo America-hater.” That commenter, after all, has dared to criticize the Holy Free Market™, and thereby Made the Baby Jesus Cry®.
bbkf dredged up a surprisingly green mango:
i was quite serprised myself! most of the comments were to the effect of ‘keep gubmint out of marriage only for tax reasons and so that they can make money off it but keep it in there so that teh gheys can’t get married!’ types….
The Utah judge ruled that the state could not criminally prosecute polygamists. Does this guy seriously not understand that not throwing someone in jail does not equal handing them a marriage license?
The fact is, real gays are at work to make our children gay, as well as normalize beasteality so we think being gay isnt so bad. Real gays are dedicated to overthrowing straight mail heterosex and next our hole civilzation
huh…huhhuhhuh…huh….gary said ‘hole!’
The Utah judge ruled that the state could not criminally prosecute polygamists. Does this guy seriously not understand that not throwing someone in jail does not equal handing them a marriage license?
i’m going to say yes…but that wouldn’t sell as many papers as ZOMFG!!! gaysexpolygamydogs!!! now, would it?
gaysexpolygamydogs would be an intriguing band name, btw…
our hole civilzation
Oh, fake Gary, please. There’s such a thing as going too far with the setup.
Hello all, GLAAD to see that you support gay rights here! We are tickled pink and yellow here in Gay America, and keep fighting the power in order to remove hetero and breeder domination by queer-jamming the culture! We really think str8 is out of d8.
I am a gay man.
When I take a str8 man up the ass, it is not rape. it is a political act – retribution for repression, and representative of norming a new domination strategy of queerness.
I make sure they are fully awake and aware when I impale them on my sword of truth. My gay friends hold them down.
They are then my thralls — agents of anal disruption, eager to spread the seed of gay ideas.
Someone is masturbating and for once it’s not me.
I am reminded of state & local laws against “cohabitation” of the sexes. The more I think about such rules, the screwier they seem. Talk about classist; and, selective enforcement, anyone? Poor and/or young women are basically whores, is the idea. Why else would they sleep under the same roof as a man?
Blows my mind that drafting such laws could’ve been described as a conservative thing to do. What on God’s green earth could be more old-fashioned than a whole bunch of dirt-poor people sleeping under one roof, blood-relatives or no? True perversity lies in imposing a fake imaginary class-based notion of propriety on people who can’t afford it. See also: women in the workplace. Fuck me with a history book.
whoa…somebody is fast tonight…
Someone is masturbating and for once it’s not me.
And the someone has a different fantasy from the usual one involving Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin.
I’m guessing this is a ref to nasty little jis jizzing all over the toobs?
Awesome takedown Cerb!
I will be stealing…
…
Gay In the USA aka Gary Ruppert said,
January 8, 2014 at 5:54 (kill)
I am a gay man.
Those who live in glass closets shouldn’t grow boners.
So, how about Gov.Christie.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/crossexamined/2014/01/does-christianity-lead-to-a-better-society/
I’m holding up my end on alcohol and divorce but I’m afraid I’m lagging on teen births and syphillis.
I’m holding up my end on alcohol and divorce but I’m afraid I’m lagging on teen births and syphillis.
slacker…this study forgets about american exceptionalism…it seems we are exceptionally good at sucking…
it seems we are exceptionally good at sucking…
Some of us are rather proud of our talents in that regard.
Some of us are rather proud of our talents in that regard.
are you trying to shove something down my throat? oh…wait…
thanks for the mac & cheese help…we’re going to try kenji’s cheese sauce…i’ll let you know how it goes…
Those who live in glass closets shouldn’t grow boners.
Boner growers do not command the enterprise, but rather accept the boners as they come.
Boner growers do not command the enterprise, but rather accept the boners as they come.
don’t we grow the boners we have and not the boners we wish we had?
don’t we grow the boners we have and not the boners we wish we had?
We grow the boners we have, not the ones YOU wish we had. At least that’s what I’m told.
I live in a county that’s 99.93% white
Your creepy fantasies aren’t a country, bro.
We grow the boners we have, not the ones YOU wish we had. At least that’s what I’m told.
ah! that’s where i was going wrong…dance with the boner what brought you, i guess…
Not sure they’d want the Marines any more.
Your creepy fantasies aren’t a country, bro.
eh, that’s COUNTY…he’s trying to tweak me because, due to circumstances beyond my control i live in a bumfuck western minnesota county where minorities are the the minority…i am somehow supposed to have white guilt because of this and act out by not being an asshole to other people which just proves that i’m a racist or something…also, it makes me smug, i guess…i’m not sure if i’m supposed to start importing minorities or just move to a more urban area or what…
Not sure they’d want the Marines any more.
that is an adorable pic! dude is all like, ‘omg!!! can you believe we’re MARRIED?!?!?’
Are Hoover, and Electrolux still made in the USA?
What I want to know is – what kind of kink does one have in one’s empathy that causes one to be upset/offended about more people looking so happy?
Apparently there’s a limited supply of happiness and if other people get some there’s less for them.
Sadly, I think that’s truly the way some people “reason.”
Happiness is a limited resource. Gay marriage is THEFT!
The fact is true happiness can only be acheived through the principals of Conservativizm and Jesus. Libs want to disarm the concealed carry defenders of real Christianity that will never except gay marriage.
Wait – Didn’t some asshat at NRO or equally shitty site (maybe chunky Reese Witherspoon at NYT?) actually try that “argument?”
I found http://www.anglican-mainstream.net/2012/02/16/tom-chivers-promotes-gay-marriage-on-telegraph-blog-the-arguments/
HAHAHAHAHA
Gay marriage is theft.
Therefore, by the transitive property, gay marriage is dentistry.
Apparently there’s a limited supply of happiness and if other people get some there’s less for them.
it’s twoo, it’s twoo! see: i got mine so screw you, you’re religious (or not) freedom is infringing on my religious freedom, your freedom of speech is infringing on my freedom of speech, etc…
oh…and most consistently: your right to be treated with human dignity is superceded by my _______________.
Oh, fake Gary, please. There’s such a thing as going too far with the setup.
I disagree. For example, the Shaggy Dog’s comedic effect is based on a long, excruitingly-intricate setup of a killer multiple-pun punchline at the very end. [Note: The payoff must be a killer punchline, or else you have a disgruntled and disappointed audience.]
In structure, Fake Gary’s 4:00 (Jan 8) is a hyper-condensed (*) version of the Shaggy Dog, in that the payoff is in the last sentence. I thought the payoff was terrific, using the subtle ‘dropped letter’ type of ‘error’, perfectly suited to the thread topic, and camoflaged by a brief anti-gay setup rant.
Particularly note Fake Gary’s restraint. He didn’t tip his hand early by peppering the whole comment with miss-keying (*) and spelling errors.
Fwiw, I enjoy the Gary Ruppert game, mostly from the spotting side. From time-to-time, however, I try my hand at being Fake Gary. Someday, I hope to build a Fake Gary with a punctuation ‘error’ supplying part of the punchline. I can’t recall ever seeing one … and I’ve been studying Fake Gary comments for a long time!
————————————–
(*) especially implausible errors where the keys are NOT adjacent on the keyboard. This, btw, is a great ‘tell’ for spotting Fake Garys
(**) I probably would have extended the set-up by using a second set-up sentence, perhaps a rant about ‘studies and experts’ that ‘proove’ Teh Gheys are super-super-dangerous. Fake Gary’s one-sentence setup is more economical, of course. I toss the whole issue into a bin labelled Style.
—————————————-
I’ve never ever done this before, so I’m understandably nervous….
New Jersey Gov. Hog, er Christie appears to have some problems.
I’d say the fat is in the fire but that would be mean of me. Oops.
This bridge scandal, if true, suggests to me that Governor combines the integrity of Boss Tweed with the civic minded political statesmanship of Boss Hogg.
tsam announces that fake gary is shopworn.
I believe this deserves a simpsons quote :
So, this Christie person is a singularly unattractive man on oh, so many levels, not so ?
Therefore, by the transitive property, gay marriage is dentistry.
That does it — no more fillings for me.
So, this Christie person is a singularly unattractive man on oh, so many levels, not so ?
i like to think of him as rob ford’s slightly less unattractive brunette cousin…
also, before any ‘ahem-ing’ occurs…our canadian dragon king first queried us about gov. christie this morning…but then there were boner jokes, so…
Perhaps.
The Fake Gary game IS sorta esoteric, that’s for sure! Perhaps the game needs expansion, to include Da Cool Coach’s flamboyance.
Nobody is obligated to play, of course. And Fake Gary doesn’t take up much space in the thread. Another alternative is setting up a kill file.
If you don’t get your cavities filled you will need a root canal.
This is not a contest between religion and secularism that will determine the quality of society. Rather, the quality of society will determine whether religion or secularism will thrive. In a dysfunctional society, religion helps pick up the pieces, but in a society where life is secure, religion withers away.
The corollary follows that if you are heading any sort of organised religion and you want to encourage religiosity so as to save people’s
moneysouls, social dysfunction is your friend! Screwing over every social institution is your number-one priority!Grows out of Christie conversation: Who do you believe will become Republican presidential candidates? Off the top of my haid, my picks are:
Chris Christie
Rand Paul
Rick Perry
Wackadoodle Cruz
Any other additions to the Clown Car?
oh wow…my mind, consider it blown…NOT*…
*wherein chris christie uses the classic, ‘i did not know about this before and now i’m outraged!’ excuse…
Any other additions to the Clown Car?
optimally, one l two ns and caribou barbie behind the wheel…
It’s way too fucking early to be talking about 2016.
Also, too: Jeb Bush and Newticles.
Also, too, too: “Bush and the Newticles” is a terrible band name.
Also, too, too: “Bush and the Newticles” is a terrible band name.
on the other hand, ‘newticles and the bush’ sounds like a young adult novel about a newt who wears spectacles and something something bush…
You silly person.
Linking to townhall is just plain mean.
IMO, it’s more the even more classic “the
designated fall guy(s)underling totally mistook a passing joke for an order*” excuse. And, in my opinion, Christie either suggested it or okayed it (though possibly with ass-covering subterfuges). It’s petty, mean, has no concern for consequences to other people (emergency vehicles couldn’t move, either), vindictive, and bullying. Right up Christie’s alley, in other words. Don’t forget one of his first actions as Governor was to cancel a federally funded badly needed tunnel to NYC.*cough “meddlesome priest” cough
I present you with a meaningless 2016 poll from Iowa’s largest newspaper:
Nathan Bedford Forrest: Favorable 73 | Unfavorable 10 | Net (+63)
Jefferson Davis: 66 | 17 | (+49)
Tomás de Torquemada: 58 | 21| (+37)
General Jack D. Ripper (Ret.): 55 | 19| (+36)
Arnaud Amaury: 51 | 23 | (+28)
Vlad III: 46 | 11 | (+35)
I don’t know whether to be grateful or not that nobody took my bait with my incest comment.
Typical liberal media poll.
Y’all know what’s nice when it is freaking flipping frigid again? Juleps. Mmmmm juleps. If bourbon, mint and sugar is wrong, then fuck you.
Gotta love Christie’s construction here — who talks like this?:
“What I’ve seen today for the first time is unacceptable.”
It’s like one of those hoary TV/cinema bits in which the guy that’s wearing a wire says things for the record.
I always liked hot chocolate with butterscotch schnapps. Or peppermint schnapps. Or…
Hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. indeed delicious and cozy warming beverages. But juleps are juleps. Mmmmmmm.
D-KW is not drinking a Canadian?
If I want something minty nowadays I make a mojito. Not good for cold weather, though.
New Jersey Gov. Hog, er Christie appears to have some problems.
The highway’s jammed by right-wing zeros on a fat chance power trip.
It’s a good thing that during all the times I spent on the myriad ways through Ft Lee I never once thought that the jams might have been caused by political shenanigans. Had my mind on other things I guess.
Nicely done. I spent a few minutes trying to come up with a boss tie in but failed miserably. There is a song called “Brothers under the Bridge”…
Ah well I’ll leave it to you pros.
Goulash, the way I learned it in Vienna. Couple pounds shin beef – it MUST be shin beef!. Equal amount of roughly chopped onion. Saute the onions over medium low in some oil/butter until soft and starting to brown. Please, use a fucking dutch oven or other heavy bottom pot, not one of those worthless piece of shit thin aluminum pans. Set aside.
Add some more oil and brown the meat on medium high. The meat, of course, you have removed from the bones – it should be in bite sized pieces. BROWN that shit dammit, you fucking know how I hate it when you “gray” the meat. You do fucking realize you’re doing this in the same goddamn pan you cooked the onions in, yes?
Throw the onions back in the pot. Add a metric fucktonne of crushed garlic. Cook it all around some for a minute or two. Throw in like two or three heaping tablespoons of Hungarian sweet paprika and one or two of Hungarian half-sharp. Also some tomato paste – couple Tbs. Cook all that shit up some. Add say three cups beef broth, some caraway – I love that shit so I put maybe a Tbs. but if you don’t like caraway much there’s something wrong with you. Wait – I mean just use a teaspoon or so. Keep in mind there’s still something the fuck wrong with you. Some marjoram. maybe a tsp or two. Bring it just to the boil, cover and let it fast simmer for a couple hours. Thicken with beurre manie or a slurry to desired consistency.
I’ll be serving it with Serviettenknödel.
Akvavit makes an excellent assistant during prep. Have some beer while it cooks. Více piva with dinner.
We might have a fucking salad too so STFU already about our diet.
That sounds pretty good.
I’ll probably be eating a stale sandwich and drinking bad coffee while sitting in Memphis waiting to deice. I’ll consider myself lucky if we launch before sunrise.
The freezing drizzle I’m seeing in the forecast is probably going to make this a rough night.
I barely drink Canadian whiskey any moar. I dunno why I lurve teh bourbon so much, but yum. At teh very least, it makes my knee feel better. Or at least at least, notice less how bad it aches.
Sure there’s something wrong with me but caraway is the least of it. Also, too, slivovitz with east European cooking.
“Misled by aide”. So is Bridget still deputy chief of staff? Yes, she is. “Deeply disappointed”. But not disappointed enough to do sweet fuck all about it.
Dear Press Corps,
I have just given you the one question you should be asking Christie right now before he has a chance to make up some cover story. “I’d Bridget Anne Kelly still your Deputy Chief of Staff?” You are welcome.
D-KW
Nothing says “authentic straight shooter” like an email blaming your staff.
Because their very public happiness is another reminder that people who are different are no longer defenseless targets for bullies great and small. What is the point of living if you can’t throw a brick through the window of Capt. Phelps & Mr. Schock without risking arrest?
Fortunately for the Waah U Wuined Marriage crowd, pictures like this don’t have the same affect on the bigots as sunlight does on another unpleasant life-draining humanoid.
Because if it did, this one picture would have created a lot of piles of greasy ash.
I barely drink Canadian whiskey any moar. I dunno why I lurve teh bourbon so much,
Because “Canadian” whiskey sucks gigantic putty balls.
*cough “meddlesome priest” cough
well, played..sir and/or madam…well played…
I don’t know whether to be grateful or not that nobody took my bait with my incest comment.
i thought about it, but then i thought, ‘dude has a point…’
also excellent: hot chocolate with caramel whiskey…or coffee with rumchata…
That sounds pretty good.
I’ll probably be eating a stale sandwich and drinking bad coffee
grade a, melt in your mouth prime rib, bitchez…and then vodka whilst watching american horror story = excellent night…
The freezing drizzle I’m seeing in the forecast is probably going to make this a rough night.
we are actually out of the arctic or polar vortex or whatever the hell it was and our eyeballs no longer freeze solid upon even looking outdoors…tomorrow is rumored to be…dare i say it? in the double digits…above zero!!!
The problem with freezing drizzle is that it forces you to deice the aircraft.
No big deal if you’re coming out of some small airport where you’re the only launch. We just deiced up in South Bend and it took all of 10 minutes.
If we have to deice the entire outbound launch from Memphis it turns into a huge mess. Easily a 2-3 hour delay by the time they funnel you through one of the deice pads.
Right now we’re 35 degrees and light rain. If it gets a few degrees cooler things are going to get really ugly.
A morbidly obese man on the radio told me to come here and say that winter still exists. SCARED YET, LIBS?
If we have to deice the entire outbound launch from Memphis it turns into a huge mess. Easily a 2-3 hour delay by the time they funnel you through one of the deice pads.
Time well spent. When my baby brother was serving in Bosnia, he attended a workshop on how to deal with mines. The officer conducting the class said, “If you find yourself in a minefield, you have the rest of your life to get out. Take your time.”
Why was my comment about the weather here in central Cali deleted?
It’s now 52 F, 72% humidity, broken cloud cover.
“I see nothing–NOTHING!”
for pup and other downton abbey fans…
Yeah, we’re back in St Ronnie Iran/Contra territory now. That is, utterly incompetent* and/or utterly complicit. Like Ronnie, Big Chicken will probably get away with it.
*Seriously, this happened in September, it’s been in the news for …a while, it involved a major bridge, among other things, and he only just learned of it? If true, that woukd be major incompetence at many levels of his government.
Well who could resist a man in a FABULOUS uniform?
Well who could resist a man in a FABULOUS uniform?
They were checking out his halberd.
Well we dodged the Great Memphis Ice Debacle by 2 degrees – this time.
Well who could resist a man in a FABULOUS uniform?
i harlequin believe they came on to him looking like that…
Despite the Renaissance looking uniforms, these guys are all Swiss military. The halberds are ceremonial, they have modern weapons if they need ’em.
They need ’em because God is too goddamned lazy to protect his own. Seriously, you can make a universe and not smite a guy armed with a pie?
Well, it was a satanic pie.
For D-KW, PENIS bourbon
Well, it was a satanic pie.
Devil’s food?
Oooh, nice. I want me some of that Fighting Cock. Anyone serious enough about bourbon that they not only know what Old Crow tastes like but is still willing to honestly assess the Reserve is an authority in my book.
So Bridge Anne Kelly, fully under the bus. That is some serious double down that Christie’s playing, especially since the Feds are now looking into it.
The “Bridge Anne Kelly” is an adorable slip.
Also, too: The thing I’m wondering about — if you’re some stooge in the Christie administration and you’ve either been directly involved in this or have been privvy to it, just exactly how much evidence is stored on thumb drives saved in a few safe deposit boxes somewhere? I mean these folks aren’t bright, but they’re in New Jersey Politics. They all probably collect “insurance” as a hobby.
For D-KW, PENIS bourbon
i so adore the names of bourbons…my sampling of them is pretty anemic…beam was the first i tried…gave me terrible heartburn along with tasting icky…evan williams is my favorite and when the mood strikes, well, even doesn’t last very long…hubbkf and i can polish off a liter in an evening…back in the day, i do recall swilling some ancient age as well…
I’d like a good-quality, stylish halberd, no more than 7′ long including the head and shaft. I understand that they’re good weapons. Versatile, but with a certain grace in spite of the whole swiss-army-polearm thing.
I understand that they’re good weapons
It’s a spear, an axe and a war-hammer all in one. What’s not to like?
You could hook some pesky knight off his horse and then beat him into steak tartare with it.
Dunno if y’all are already hip to the this AEON magazine, but I have found it to be consistently worthwhile, sometimes great. Thought-provoking:
http://aeon.co/magazine/living-together/the-town-where-the-mentally-ill-get-a-warm-welcome/
Stunning short film:
http://aeon.co/film/children-in-poverty-have-only-their-dreams/
http://aeon.co/magazine/living-together/the-town-where-the-mentally-ill-get-a-warm-welcome/
that is an amazing story…thanks for passing that link on…
It’s a spear, an axe and a war-hammer all in one. What’s not to like?
You could hook some pesky knight off his horse and then beat him into steak tartare with it.
oh…um, yeah…you could also do that with ith…
the whole swiss-army-polearm thing.
One blade removes the knight from his horse, then the Philips screwdriver blade undoes his armour.
Yes, I’ve played way too much “Medieval Total War II” on my computer.
Dunno if y’all are already hip to the this AEON magazine
There are some startlingly sane comment threads there. Enjoy them while they last!
I came across AEON yesterday through a BoingBoing link:
http://boingboing.net/2014/01/07/creepypasta-the-new-keystroke.html
that is an amazing story…thanks for passing that link on
I love the Saint Dymphna connection, I used to love drinking at St Dymphna’s bar on E. 10th St.
Yes, I’ve played way too much “Medieval Total War II” on my computer.
so, that’s what the kids are calling it nowadays?
Halbards are nice for open carry but when you need a concealed weapon, it’s hard to beat a bec de corbin or voulge hidden in a long baguette, or oversized sub sandwich.
I came across AEON yesterday through a BoingBoing link:
Thanks a lot, Smut, I was really looking forward to a four-hour timesink- pfft!!!
Halbards are nice for open carry but when you need a concealed weapon, it’s hard to beat a bec de corbin or voulge hidden in a long baguette, or oversized sub sandwich.
Give me a good glaive-guisarme any day of the week!
In medieval times, one of the weaponless ways to kill somebody was to sneak up behind them and sucker-punch them on the left side of the abdomen, below the ribs.
Because of the prevalence of parasites in those days, the person targeted usually had an enlarged spleen from said parasites. The sucker-punch would rupture the spleen and cause death due to the internal hemorrhage resulting from the ruptured spleen.
I used to love drinking at St Dymphna’s bar on E. 10th St.
I wouldn’t trust a beer pour at a place named St Dymphna’s.
I wouldn’t trust a beer pour at a place named St Dymphna’s.
true…roofies and incest!
I wouldn’t trust a beer pour at a place named St Dymphna’s.
And FYWP too quickly my ass
not sure where to go with this one…
not sure where to go with this one…
Drivin’ around recently, I saw a business called, roughly, “Acme Dog Bakery,” and I couldn’t help but make some obvious joke.
On a more serious note, I always marvel at the ultra-nichey businesses people start up in small towns (this was Peoria Heights, IL). Doesn’t a niche suggest it’ll only fly in a metropolis, if at all? How many dog bakeries can a town of 6,635 support? Am I safe in assuming the residents of Peoria proper could just drive to frickin’ Petco for their dog cookies?
Am I safe in assuming the residents of Peoria proper could just drive to frickin’ Petco for their dog cookies?
oooooh…but those dog cookies might have preservatives or something in them!!! our first world dogs can’t be eating inferior products!
on the other hand, acme dog bakery might really be run by some pretty sick fucks who bake dogs…who knows!
Petco? Fuck that noise.
http://www.oregonlive.com/pets/index.ssf/2013/10/jerky_treats_from_china_still.html
Petco? Fuck that noise.
didn’t china send us some dog food that was full of antifreeze or something a couple years ago?
on the other hand, acme dog bakery might really be run by some pretty sick fucks who bake dogs…who knows!
On the other paw…
On the other paw…
i am chagrined by my rookie mistake…
I meant people could and probably would go to Petco, not that they should. My business with Petco & Petsmart (am I screwing up the mid-word caps? Oh who cares) is limited to buying crickets (for my frogs) when my preferred, independent pet store is out of them. The big corps, though, run out more often, and they also charge quite a bit more per unit (bug): it’s like .09 vs .13 or so.
Time once again to play Name That Whingnut!
Name that Whingnut! And no cheating! A further clue will be provided if no correct answer is offered. Winner ill receive a FREE subscription to Sadlyno.com!
imma go with the dude in the hat…lloyd somethign or other from the murican stinker…
or is he ruhnew murica?
I meant people could and probably would go to Petco, not that they should. My business with Petco & Petsmart (am I screwing up the mid-word caps? Oh who cares) is limited to buying crickets (for my frogs) when my preferred, independent pet store is out of them. The big corps, though, run out more often, and they also charge quite a bit more per unit (bug): it’s like .09 vs .13 or so.
we don’t have a pet store but our local hardware store owners lurves dogs…in fact they train guide dogs and are associated with many good dog works…and they have a pretty decent selection of quality dog items…
a few years ago i ordered some frozen dog treats from the schwann’s guy and hubbkf almost had a kmart come apart about it…ten bucks says that if i order some this summer for maeve, he will feed them to her himself…
Name that Whingnut!
Victor Davis Hanson.
?
Name that Whingnut!
Is it the crazy pastor guy? Swank (?)
my other guess is thomas sowell…
Their eyes see past the populist disguise of socialist gangsterism.
My guess is some dumb ass who is shaky on what words really mean and also on reality but won’t let it stop him.
Is it Ted Nugent?
All good guesses! Next hint:
Name that whingnut!
David French.
And you should admire my ability to not Google.
Rev Fishsticks ( Fischer?)?
“irretrievable defunct” is a clue that whoever it is, doesn’t have an editor. I’m going with Adam Yoshida, just because we haven’t heard from him in a while.
I think Suezboo is right. I’m going with Fischer.
“The 2014 election may be our last opportunity to thwart and repel the elitist faction’s push to overthrow our republic,”
I don’t see much else I can quote that’s clueful. Author is a former diplomat and prezudenchal candidate.
Sounds like something Allen West would say, but he’s never been a diplomat.
Name that whingnut!
I didn’t read the post, but a front page “Raw Story” title has me convinced that it’s Alan Keyes.
I didn’t read the post, but a front page “Raw Story” title has me convinced that it’s Alan Keyes.
DING DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!
And you should admire my ability to not Google.
I did: turns out I’m closer than anyone! Except a certain large, evil, hairless fatherless person.
Hmm, “overthrow” wouldn’t be French.
Oh geez.
Alan Keyes should lead all his followers in a March on Washington. When they get there they can split a pizza and complain.
Rev Fishsticks ( Fischer?)?
heh…must remember that one…
turns out I’m closer than anyone!
i am going to use your answer (My guess is some dumb ass who is shaky on what words really mean and also on reality but won’t let it stop him.) in every upcoming ‘name that wingnut’ competition…it will probably come in quite useful on many occasions…
I was wrong about Nugent, that’s for sure.
The sentences are meaningless excuses to use a bunch of words with good and bad connotations.
Speaking of Jesus, let the Friday toonage begin.
DING DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!
I feel that, on some level, I cheated, but you should check out the picture that accompanies the headline. Alan is sporting a snow white goatee that really looks startling.
When they get there they can split a pizza and complain.
They can get sushi and not pay.
I like Cerb, and I feel she is doing a bang up job under tough circumstances, but I do miss the quick jabs at the back benchers of the right wing’s blogiverse. We haven’t heard from Confederate Yankee or Adam Yoshida, or Whasisname Hawkins or J Grant Swank in a long time. And granted they aren’t more than a web search away, but A) I’m lazy and B) who wants those mouth breathers in their browser history?
Shocking. Vatican illegal downloads include Lesbian Hair Salon.
I couldn’t get through the Keyes piece at Raw Story (on this computer) because of the multiple, enormous, disgusting toenail fungus ads.
That wasn’t an enormous disgusting toenail fungus, that was Keyes.
Lookit:
Gee, that seems like he’s having a machine vet his recruits. I wonder what email addresses you could get into his central database?
Lawl. But Keyes’ fungal problem seems inter-cranial. I really don’t like the way he talks and writes. His thinking is bad enough, but ugh, that style.
That wasn’t an enormous disgusting toenail fungus, that was Keyes.
you took the words right out of my keyboard…
ugh, the ass-hat to whom my mother is married to has sent me another email regarding the sorry state of education which has totes gone in the shitter since his glory daze of the 50s…i have told him repeatedly to NOT email me, but to no one’s surprise he doesn’t listen…anyhoo…part of me can’t be arsed to read it but then again…what fodder might be contained wherein?
ya know, you would think that ‘lesbian hair salon’ would be one of the best porn film titles ever, but no via the link i have discovered that there is also “Flexy Teens Naked Gymnast,” …
If you want a list of the best porn film titles ever – no, wait a minute, I know nothing at all about that.
That totally sounds like a great Janus Node list.
Hmm…
Flexy Teens Naked Gymnast has an a-literate charm, or something. It’s like it was translated poorly.
bbfk, step one with wingnut e-mails is to choose a sample sentence and google it, because most of the time I find that snopes.com or some similar website has already dealt with their bullshit…
Big Guns and The Pizza Boy – He Delivers are two of my faves.
Flexy Teens Naked Gymnast has an a-literate charm, or something. It’s like it was translated poorly.
right?
some guy…i learned that trick early on with asshat…this, however is a skreed he has written himself…he fancies himself a writer and does not realize the irony in his poorly worded, punctuated and spelled missives against how awful our schools today are…
Big Guns and The Pizza Boy – He Delivers are two of my faves.
wayne lapierre/herman cain bro-porn? ugh…do not want…
Does anyone remember Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooey?
bbfk, why don’t you copy and paste it and post it so we can all have a good laugh?
Top Gun and Bottoms Up are two of my faves.
Grifters gotta grift, Alan Keyes version:
Friends of Liberty:
In order to keep the site afloat, Loyal to Liberty has transitioned from shareware to access by premium subscription. After a few free page views you’ll be offered an opportunity to subscribe in order to enjoy continued unrestricted access to the site.
The subscriptions are priced with a view to generating a modest income stream sufficient to assure that the basic costs of keeping the site up and running will continue to be defrayed without interruption.
Of course, over and above the small subscription fee users who choose to do so can make such donations as they think appropriate, using the button below.
Of course.
If I had any $$ to spare I’d toss him a few bucks. His failed run against Obama was one of the first signs that Republican Rule wouldn’t last forever and watching it crumble would be funneeee.
I couldn’t get through the Keyes piece at Raw Story (on this computer) because of the multiple, enormous, disgusting toenail fungus ads.
Yeah, I know. Those things are everywhere, even Salon. Ugh.
ADBLOCK.
Is it Pat Robertson?
J Grant Swank in a long time.
According to my limited research, he hasn’t written anything new in a while. The last column he wrote I linked to here.
bbfk, why don’t you copy and paste it and post it so we can all have a good laugh?
I second that! Also this would give Sadlyville a first-hand knowledge of the wingnuttiness you encounter among relatives and denizens in your neck-o-the-woods. I would love to see a for-real specimen of the actual stuff you encounter.
I can’t install adblock on my work computer (or any software). This one, sure.
I wants one!
bbkf : I should have hattipped Dependable Renegade on the Rev Fishsticks thing – it is indisputably theirs. My bad.
In a way it’s weird that the corporate environments don’t block ads. Lots of bad things get onto machines via the ad networks.
Keyes 2016!
I hadn’t thought of it that way, Substance.
It’s kinda like refusing to give teens access to condoms. They aren’t supposed to need them, and I’m not supposed to misuse the corporate network … the comparison is complicated by the fact that it’s been many years since I’ve had a job that didn’t entail research.
some dumb ass who is shaky on what words really mean and also on reality but won’t let it stop him.
Thanks for narrowing it down so much, tigris.
bbfk, why don’t you copy and paste it and post it so we can all have a good laugh?
oddly enough, that very scenario was my very first ever blog post here…and look wher that got me..jklol…
if i had the skillz i would link to that lo these many years post cuz it was a good one…he literally called my siblings and i dumbasses in the local paper…and yet still has no idea why i want nothing to do with him…whaddya do?
A reply for bbkf’s wingnut relative:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2FQtCaSr0Gk/UtEOuI4JvLI/AAAAAAAAbiE/wZoCKtmy0_U/s1600/Teachers.jpg
On the other paw
I’m lookin’ fer the man who shot my paw!
On the Other Paw would also be a good band name along with
3 Goats and a Cow
Tricked Out Tesla
Threads of Fantasy
Decades-Long Fiction Project
Satanic Pie
The Saint Dymphna Connection
Spleen Sucker Punch
It’s a Spear, an Axe and a War-hammer
Genocide of a Minority Mental Disorder
A Fat Little Guy From Yongyang
3 Goats and a Cow
It’s “a goat and seven crows”, goodness knows.
ooooooooooh! hubbkf brought home season 4 of downton abbey!!! see you when i’m finished watching, suckahs!
Meh, already seen it. The discs they sent to Teh Ho didn’t have the final episode – how many eps you got?
Spleen Sucker Punch
A Fat Little Guy From Yongyang
“a goat and seven crows”,
Excuse me, I do the food pr0n around here!
Meh, already seen it. The discs they sent to Teh Ho didn’t have the final episode – how many eps you got?
idk…the back of the case says it includes the season finale…i now have to sell my soul and promise to work pledge in march…
i must say watching strallen dump edith just never gets old…
My favorite tweet so far on the “traffic study”
Ooooooo, I love playing the band-name game! Thanx to Thread Bear for introducing it into the thread. Let’s see what I can find….
Rev Fishsticks
Toenail Fungus
Argle Bargle
Meddlesome Priest
Time Well
Comparison Is Complicated
Sell My Soul
Ariel Sharon is dead.
http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2014/01/11/214194/israels-ariel-sharon-beloved-and.html
I haven’t forgotten. (Excerpt from the McClatchy article:)
I’m still dead.
Some decent news for a change….
http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2014/01/10/214038/how-new-mexicos-sen-heinrich-came.html
Another reason to be pleased with my move to NM.
I despised Barbara Mikulski ‘s corruption during the time she sat on the Select Intelligence Comittee. Fort Meade–NSA–is in Maryland. From news reports, you know about the huge ‘private sector’ fungus growth on NSA’s empire. She harvested Big Bucks in contributions, and shielded ‘the community’ with a tenacity that even Feinstein has seldom equaled.
Hey where is everybody? You’d think it was Saturday night or sumpin’. Just me and Andrew Breitbart … and he’s dead, fer pete’s sake! Imma gonna go Netflixing.
New post!