Don’t let the liberals take our precious freedoms!
Patrick Howley, Tucker Carlson’s Vanity Press:
Liberals want to stop men from checking out women
Like many women, I have tits.
Now having tits that I am proud of is something of a newer development, so I have only recently become aware of the Secret Powers that having a pair of knockers grants one. With one little wiggle, I apparently have the power to summon forth eldritch powers beyond space and time to ensorcell the minds of feeble-minded male-identified Libertarian douchebros and bend their otherwise totally manly and indepednent superpowers to my dark and evil will.
Which is why so many not at all insecure and emotionally stunted entitled fuckwits straight up need to claim public ownership of these dirty pillow and their associated Weapons of Mass Eroticism, lest I and other filthy females lay low their rock hard rigid ranks.
And all I can do is weep and beat my tender fun bags in lamentation and excoriation at what violence my bewitching breasts have wrought upon those once noble purveyors of all that is right and super-ultra-mega logical (because unlike me they have superior manbrains, the only thing capable of processing true objectivity).
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- If we can’t street harass and sexually harass women who are so entitled they think they can walk on our streets without being constantly reminded of their duties to us as public sex objects, then we will all be condemned to a dystopian Matriarchal future where all our freedoms have been stolen and men are forced to serve as slaves to our Gynocratic Overlords!
Also, the fact that this is the most “oppressive” thing we can think of to whine about should totally be taken as proof that white wealthy cis-heterosexual men are the most oppressed people in the world instead of proof that we’re a pack of whiny assholes who can’t handle people other than us being anything other than property for us to buy and sell.
Oh it has been far too long since we last stepped into the bizarre psychosexual issues of entitled Libertarian dudebros slowly coming to task with the grim knowledge that those “women” creatures that haunted their pubescent nightmares are actual living breathing organisms walking around, doing things, without waiting patiently for approval from over-entitled dicks like them.
Which is not to say they haven’t deserved a good kicking for a long time. Lest you forget, I’m a member of more than one community that is literally overrun with these narcissistic fuckers. And as things like atheism, video game fandom, comic book fandom, and science fiction more and more turn out to have always had female members in the ranks, these fucks have become more and more vile in their attempts to “solve the girl problem” before “their medium” is “overrun”.
Most illustrative recent case, might be this one (TRIGGER WARNING) where the maker of a little free play game about what it feels like to live with depression who has been harassed on her home phone with people demanding she kill herself because she made the game while female.
Oh, but the best part is the post hoc justification wherein entitled and not at all self-obsessed wannabe martyrs claimed that the reason she was targeted was because no woman can understand depression because the only thing anyone can ever be depressed about is an inability to get laid (I mean, right?!? That is like the worstest thing to happen to anyone ever. Like one gajillion billion people die of blue balls every year) and clearly any woman can get infinite sex anytime she wants just by using the mind-control powers of her bouncing boobies.
But perhaps we’re unfairly stacking the decks against our entitled young prick today. Sure, the title might look damning, but maybe it is just a misleading intro into a sober analysis in how rigid gender norms and street harassment harm everyone and not a paranoid post hoc privilege flail about how people saying “hey, this shit sucks” is the first step in striking all men blind everywhere or some other made-up bullshit to justify feeling aggrieved about being called out on bad behavior.
In the progressive future, men will not be able to look at women’s bodies
Yeah, I didn’t think so either.
Yes, if evil liberals and their vile plans of lightly calling out street harassment in a manner that has almost zero legal enforcement or political muscle succeed, then every man everywhere will be banned from looking at any woman’s body anywhere.
Because apparently “men have a right to access to women’s bodies” is one of those hidden rights in the bill of rights next to “conservatives have the right to never be criticized” and “black people aren’t allowed to be president even if future amendments pretend they can”.
And if it’s breached it’ll somehow mean the end of couples lovingly gazing onto each other’s forms in a consensual and sensual manner (okay, maybe for Libertarians seeing as how they’ll probably never be in that type of relationship for their entire life) because shut up, I can’t slap my underling’s ass anymore and that’s unfair!
Or something. I get the feeling that these guys are used to not filling in the holes*.
because that is a terrible thing to do — and science says so.
Oh well, in that case, I guess you’ll be shutting the fuck up and sucking it up Sally seeing as how that’s the way you demand the rest of us act every time one of your hideously broken psuedoscientific fantasy stories in the form of an unpublished academic “paper” is trotted out as “proof” that women are naturally homemakers and sex slaves.
Researchers have offered a definitive report into the science of the male “objectifying gaze” in the December 2013 volume of “Sex Roles: A Journal of Research” (Volume 69, Issue 11-12, pp 557-570).
Ooh, wingnuts quoting academic papers! Yay, excuse to nerd out totally justified.
All right, having looked over the paper quoted myself, it’s… not that fucking great.
See, there is this thing in most academic disciplines, especially ones dealing with minority experiences where everyone knows that a phenomenon exists but due to previous eras of bigotry or neglect there exists no real data or research on the subject noting that said phenomenon exists. So there ends up being a need for “place-filler” type articles that plug up these holes.
And well, some of these boring workman articles can be interesting works in their own rights expanding on the things we “know” and going deeper into the why. Some of them can be less exciting, but show a strength of research that categorically proves the thing that those disenfranchised already know in a way that can be used for great political impact (think the comprehensive studies showing that gay couples raise kids just as well as straight couples). And then there’s works like this one.
Sloppy, poorly thought out pieces that pull the freshman’s first paper tactic of circling around statements in order to draw out a small piece of work into a longer piece of work and which doesn’t actually add much into the conversation and may in ways harm the subject by focusing on narrow and less important aspects in the hopes that the novelty and “catchiness” will lead into a publication credit for a nervous hack.
Which is a shame, because it seems like there could have been a decent paper in here if someone had just helped in the experiment design, because the background research is phenomenal and on-point but starts to collapse when it comes to their “new” research on the subject.
Really it’s a fascinating- (And we’ll just cut off here and return when Cerberus is done nerding the fuck out about academic research methodology)
With a goddamn duck!
… Sorry, where am I? Oh right, back with the non-academic bullshit.
“Although objectification theory suggests that women frequently experience the objectifying gaze with many adverse consequences, there is scant research examining the nature and causes of the objectifying gaze for perceivers. The main purpose of this work was to examine the objectifying gaze toward women via eye tracking technology,” according to the abstract of “My Eyes Are Up Here: The Nature of the Objectifying Gaze Toward Women” by Sarah J. Gervais, Arianne M. Holland, and Michael D. Dodd.
“Consistent with our main hypothesis, we found that participants focused on women’s chests and waists more and faces less when they were appearance-focused (vs. personality-focused). Moreover, we found that this effect was particularly pronounced for women with high (vs. average and low) ideal body shapes in line with hypotheses,” according to the report.
Yeah, as you can see, the research cited is kinda meh. Just a “women who fit into cultural norms about ‘hotness’ deal with more objectification bullshit” paper, which kind of ignores already existing racial elements (the way minority women often get targeted more for public harassment because their bodies are seen as more inherently “sexual”), dangerously downplays the way non-normative bodies may receive less of a specific form of objectification, but are often viewed as more in need of public scrutiny and delusions of public ownership largely for failing to meet normative standards (in English, basically all the times that fat people are stopped by strangers on the street and told to start dieting or are told that they should be “grateful” for catcalls because of their shape), and is otherwise just too narrowly focused on a single question to adequately connect it to the greater issue of how women’s bodies are assumed to be public sexual goods.
Which means that it ends up being ripe pickings for reality-denying douchebags who want to dismiss street harassment as something based on “uncontrollable lust” in order to make it seem more natural and innocuous than the reality.
So yeah, we’ve got the complete tool. He’s given himself the easiest softest pitch he could possibly manage to cherry-pick. Let’s see how he’ll still manage to knock himself out with the bat.
This is the kind of study MSNBC commentators can hold up when they’re talking about “rape culture.”
That is… an impressive display of taking the easy bait and just going into… yeah, absolute horror movie villain territory.
Cause, see, it’s not enough to dismiss the work as being inadequately rigorous or even to go the full douchebag and claim it as proof that all feminist complaints about being reduced to a pair of tits is overblown nonsense.
No, no, no, you need to go the full windowless van route and try and argue that this is somehow “rape culture” (which is not at all revealing about how you view sex and sexual attraction, by the way, just saying).
Cause apparently all that nonsense about the cavalier way that rape is viewed by society and treated by our justice system or the fact that a disturbing number of people have been raped in their lives (as I’ve stated several times on this blog, I’ve been raped and so have most of my friends and all of my romantic partners) is just a handful of “hot girls” who are tired of having their tits stared at “all the time”.
Also, because apparently rape denialism is how the cool bigots know you are ready to sit at the big misogynist table.
But I know what are you thinking. How is he going to manage to top this level of complete assholery? Well, dear readers, do not worry, he’s got that covered.
Because men are just all Bashar al-Assad and sex is their chemical weapon.
Stay classy, libertarians. Stay classy.
Fifty-one percent of the U.S. population is a victimized group now. Don’t you know?
You can’t ever victimize anyone if they outnumber you! Like how white South Africans found it impossible to oppress black South Africans during Apartheid. Or how colonial invaders found it impossible to subjugate native populations or control countries like India through terror and genocide. Or how a handful of slave traders were completely incapable of enslaving a large amount of Africans and force them into heavy labor and legalized rape under the watch of a handful of slavers.
Oh wait, these are the fucks who deny any of that ever happened.
Women are like Indians now.
Kssh… Brain malfunction. Abort. Retry. Fail.
I can’t even… Women are like Indians… Um, they are part of a South Asian country that has long been exploited by Western powers? Or is it old racist for Native Americans and whining about how some people actually pretend we give a fuck about the centuries of genocide, broken promises, and forced re-settlements we put them through?
Either way, I’m apparently not yet crazy enough to understand what the fuck he’s trying to get at.
Women are like Indians now… yeah, no.
You can’t give them a once-over, a polite grin, and be on your way.
Well, assuming it’s the racist Native interpretation, it’s more like “hand them a smallpox blanket, forcibly march them into inhospitable land, and then spend the next few centuries relocating them and slaughtering their children every time it turns out the land we marched them to had something we wanted”, but hey, small difference.
You can’t notice the fruits of their several-hour morning project of preparing themselves to be looked at. Pretty soon, looking at a woman’s chest will legally be a “hate” crime instead of a love crime.
But as bad as that is, we’re about to get to the examples of how brave men have already suffered grave oppression (which is totally worse than all the made-up non-oppression that those women-folk and “indians” are always rambling about) at the hands of a capricious and cruel matriarchal society that refuses to designate innocent things like rape and sexual harassment “love crimes”.
Yeah… I’m scared too.
It’s already started. There was the Massachusetts secretary who sued her boss for staring at her breasts.
Cause, there’s nothing about that arrangement that is at all problematic. Like something to do with it being work and him being her boss. Seriously, if your entire goal is to dismiss sexual harassment as made-up bullshit, maybe you shouldn’t start off with a clear-cut example of sexual harassment.
I mean, for fuck’s sake. It’s a goddamn workplace. You don’t see heterosexual women running around the workplace, accidentally dropping their pens so they can leer at the asses of their underlings and make constant comments about how they’d love to see them run. Cause that would be unprofessional as shit, exploit a power dynamic that reduces any ability to make complaints, and be completely rude and dehumanizing, reducing a person to a body part instead of their work.
And if you’re really going to argue that men literally can’t help staring like a starving dog begging for a bit of meat at any rounded curve of flesh that happens to cross their field of vision, then you are arguing that we should ban these subfunctional piles of shit from ever holding a position with more authority than local dogcatcher.
You don’t get to pretend that men are slavering lust beasts literally incapable of going 8 hours without goggling over their coworkers and underlings like a crowd at a strip show who are also the most qualified candidates for positions of power and authority.
It just doesn’t fucking work that way.
Also, I doubt for a second they’d be half as cavalier as women are expected to be if they were dealing with a gay male boss constantly leering at their package and making crude comments about how they could earn themselves a little overtime.
There was the social media uproar when two tech conference presenters in San Francisco made a joke presentation for an app based on men’s desire to stare at breasts.
Oh hey, that whole Adria Richards harassment campaign. I remember that one.
That was where a black woman programmer noted publicly the way a couple of dicks behind her were loudly trading sexist sex jokes near the front row of one of the few panels at the conference she attended to actually address the issue of women in programming. And it being the last straw in a long series of sexist garbage she had politely smiled through throughout the weekend.
And the internet response was to get her fired from her job (allegedly in retaliation for the company of one of the douchebags noting that one of the perpetrators has a bad habit of being an unprofessional asshole when he’s on the clock, but more about her daring to speak up about sexism in public), harass her at home and all over the web with constant death and rape threats and eventually get her to take down her twitter and webpage with the sheer volume of dedicated harassment.
And the best part is that he’s not even trying to pull the usual scumbag tactic of pretending she was an alien shapeshifter whose actions were so beyond the pale that poor honest white entitled douchebags were forced, FORCED I SAY, to make her into a bitter example of what happens to you when you fall under their radar.
Nope, he’s instead complaining about the “social media explosion”, i.e. all the people politely noting that maybe trying to blacklist and threaten with murder and death women who note sexism might, just might, be misogynistic as fuck.
Because apparently people lightly calling you out for supporting bullying at its worst is the worst oppression anyone could ever face in the entire world!
This is what the progressives exist to do.
Not send death/rape threats to women they disagree with?
Uh… those bastards?
They take away our activities.
Ohhhhhh. They “take away” your god-given right to send constant death and rape threats to women who dare exist near you!
Well, not in a way that actually limits your ability to be a massive abusive asshole who takes out their petty frustrations of a changing society on any woman unlucky enough to cross your path.
More like, just mildly criticizing you with their freedom of speech for being complete fucks who are reaching out-of-control levels of abuse and hate crimes.
Which, to be fair, as per that secret Constitution we were mentioning before, is against the explicit law stating that conservatives are never criticized ever and are always heralded for being immoral immature imbeciles.
If it’s an activity and it’s kind of fun or pleasurable, the progressives are going to take it away.
I mean, torturing any woman who dares use our internet is fun. And you wouldn’t take away someone’s fun would you? I mean, that would be being a killjoy, right? Like my mother. Never letting me keep the girls I dragged back home. And I showed her, didn’t I?!? You want to end up in the box too?!?!? DO YOU?!?!?!?!?
That’s the very basis of their personality type. They’re the regulators. The hall monitors.
And here we get to the very core of their aggrieved wannabe victim mentality don’t we?
Sometimes in high school they were blocked from doing what they wanted, like beating up that fag with the lip ring or raping that cheerleader in the bathroom and that one time they were at all impeded is going to steam in their mind for all time.
While Frank Zappa may have noted that we all carry the scars of high school with us, most of us do a decent job of covering those over with a fun variety of adulthood scars and oppressions to call our very own.
Libertarian white douchebags don’t. They never move on from those one or two ways in which the world didn’t cater to them like they thought. Didn’t deliver their first crush into their arms or didn’t give them an A for that paper they shat out in 20 minutes or the time some “narc” tried to stop them from punching out the queer.
They nurse that one grudge, because it’s the only scar they will ever have, their lives are so devoid of genuine hardship.
And hey, that’d be cool. No one should have to suffer hardship just to survive.
But they want to be heralded as brave freedom fighters undoing the cruel burden of society’s oppression for being the lucky beneficiaries of the easiest difficulty setting. They want to pretend that they are just as long suffering as their various victims.
And… no. Just no. Thanks for playing, please enjoy a copy of our home game.
Maybe catching a side glance of some cleavage on the subway isn’t for you. Fine. But for those of us who enjoy that, it’s one more thing that we’re allowed to do in this country. I’m not big on skiing, but if I see somebody walking down the street with some skis I’m cool with that. Why ban things that you might want to try sometime?
I mean, not everyone enjoys keeping people chained up in the basement as pets before eventually skinning them and sewing them into a three-piece suit, but why should we ban it for those who do. I mean, we let people play golf and that’s practically the same thing.
What? “Fun” isn’t an adequate reason for infringing on someone else’s right to not be molested or harmed? What is this? Hitler’s Germany?
Honestly, though, I cannot get over how much libertarian “reasoning” is indistinguishable from the tantrums of a spoiled child incapable of processing the fact that other people aren’t just toys in his own personal playground.
I’m not saying looking at tits is any kind of noble pursuit.
Well, thank you for sparing us from that half-hearted bit of vomitous refuge.
But on that note.
Um… you do realize that there’s such a thing as the internet, right?
I mean, yes, sure, you are using it right now to post your little self-serving tantrum, but you do realize it has other uses, right?
Like porn. Cause see there is a shit-ton of porn on the internet. I mean, I’m only pointing this out, because you seem to think that awkwardly trying to bend your head in order to peek through the corner of the sleeping girl at the bus is your only chance to see mostly naked tits and that’s just not true.
With the wonders of the internet, you can see tits in a wide-variety of undress. Even completely nude! And not like one or two hard-to-find images, either. Like all over the place. Doing pretty much anything you can imagine and in all shapes and sizes. You can even see drawings of ambulatory boobs wholly unencumbered by unappealing connection to a full woman creature.
Much like the creepers who seem to think that peeking under bathroom stalls is the only way to see vaginas in your sad sexless existence, you don’t actually need to go through all that trouble anymore. You can just wait til you get home and then spend the whole night masturbating to a full tit buffet if you like even if your nightmare world comes to pass and no man can even side-glance at a woman’s chest ever again.
Seriously, it’s not the end of the fucking world, unless it’s not about the tits at all, but rather the enforcement of public spaces as specifically male and… oh… ohhhhhhh.
But it’s one more freedom. It’s one more thing that has been allowed in this country since the time of James Madison and Thomas Jefferson. One more thing that we’re not going to be allowed to do in the progressive future.
We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets!
… for the right to creep on your tits, yell catcalls at random strangers on the street, perv on employees, and send death/rape threats to strangers on the internet…
I don’t want to startle you, but your cry of freedom seems to lose a little something in the translation.
And you know what else? A lot of women like it.
Stone Temple Pilots, if you would be so kind.
Ladies, how are you going to feel when the progressives prohibit men from paying you a compliment on your walk home from the bar? You know there’s always one friend of yours who waited all night for that.
Uh huh, sure they do.
Yeah, I know it’s how you rationalize this shit, just like every other run-of-the-mill misogynist who tries to float this argument, but no one, and I mean no one really looks forward to the catcalls on the street.
Even those who are going to a place to get noticed (bar, party, date, group outing, sex dungeon) or even to straight up have public sex. Not a damn one.
In fact, the gauntlet to get to and from a location, worrying if your outfit is going to get targeted by some creeper driving past or some dick by the side of the road is pretty much every woman’s least favorite part of the night and is the part they most dread navigating.
And every single one of them has their evening lessened if they are harassed by some aggressive douchebag leering at their tits and asking how much for a throw-down. Even if they are specifically going someplace to be noticed. Even if they are going someplace to specifically be noticed by someone in a sexual manner. Even if they are going someplace to have sex or seek out a sexual partner for the night. Even if they are really craving some external validation of their attractiveness. Even then, it still doesn’t impact like a compliment. Doesn’t raise spirits or make one feel good. And it never fails to be a black mark on otherwise enjoyable days.
And yeah, that makes perfect sense, because frankly it isn’t a compliment and no one genuinely believes it is. It’s a statement of reduction, to remind a woman that she can be reduced to prey. And it happens to pretty much all women. I’ve known a number of women who said they got harassed on the street before they even hit puberty. Of all different body shapes and skin colors. I’ve even watched it happen right in front of me to people I love. Hell, even my brick ass has had to deal with it.
And it has nothing to do with sexuality, sexual attraction, or sex. I’ve been topless in an outdoor crowd. I’ve been naked in a room full of strangers. I’ve done scenes half-naked with strangers literally watching the entire time. And it didn’t erupt into catcalls or demands for sex. It didn’t require someone staring solely at my tits or making crude comments about how I could service them. And every time I felt a hell of a lot safer than I have on route to those places, dressed way more conservatively.
And it sucks that that is pretty much the shared experience of nearly everyone who has been read as female at some point in their life. Cause it really shouldn’t be a fraught thing just to walk around like everyone else.
And if you happen to be a woman who isn’t employed by the Democratic National Committee or the New York Times, maybe you’re really not all that offended by these sorts of things.
This reminds me of when a feminist actually called out someone making one of those “women love being harassed” arguments and asked exactly where were all the women writing positively of being targeted on the street if it really was so much more than all the multitudes of women who have written about how much it all sucks.
Funny enough, he also tried to claim it was an invisible silent majority too.
It’s almost like bigots who are losing the culture wars want to pretend to be part of a big majority in order to make their regressive crap seem popular or something…
Because you realize that when progressives ban things, they don’t just prohibit activities: they set a new rule that goes out through the culture that must be obeyed.
Using their powerful Hypnosquids, they rewrite the very laws of physics itself, banning forever the action from every organism in the universe. You may think you can gaze lovingly at your partner on the bed, but HA, liberal mind whammies will have you staring at the dog instead! And then they’ll make you gay marry that dog and then you’ll become man pregnant and have to get a sex-change/abortion!
It’s the liberal wayyyyy!
And the new rule affects everyone. From the guy who now has to cover his face so as not to look at a hot girl’s tits,
I know this is supposed to serve as his faux-martyr “big scary moment” for all the other douchebags to act horrified by, but I just can’t stop laughing at the image of some wannabe macho dude involuntarily being forced to cover his face every time a woman walked past due to hippie commie brainwashing.
And the real kicker is that would still probably impact that asshole less than street harassment negatively impacts women on a daily basis.
to the girl whose tits can no longer be looked at,
Yeah… on that note. Um, a)I’m pretty sure consenting partners that she wants to stare at her tits will still be able to look at that shit, b)if not there’s the internet… you know, where the boobs live and um…
c) Back to that whole topless in a public place thing I was talking about a bit ago… yeah… it was in a place where there were a lot of dudes straight up buck naked walking around, but I still got some looks and even some people who wanted to take pictures. Some were respectful and asked for permission for a picture. Some were leering jackasses who tried to take a sly picture of me when they thought I wasn’t looking***. Guess which ones I remember fondly and guess which ones made me a little nervous about being topless in non-safe public spaces.
Heh, and those guys were at least better than the assholes unrelated to the event who were along the way and demanded sexual services of me when I was fully clothed and on route.
But hey, keep pretending that we’ll lose something when all you assholes are finally shamed into not being aggressive douchebags.
to the friend of the girl who could have laughed when it happened,
~Somebody forgot their rhetorical construction!~
But seriously, it is funny when bigots get so distracted by excusing their bad behavior that they forget that they were originally trying to prove why a behavior is totally awesome and how they’ll be totally missed if they are thrown out rather than why it’s simply not as bad as it seems.
Also, I’ve been in groups that were having a good time when a creeper comes creeping. I hate to break it to you assholes, but the only laughter is nervous.
to the bar owner standing outside who could have lured them both in for a drink,
Uhhhhh… “lured?” Are you in the back of a windowless van with a giant bag of candy while you write this… Actually on second thought, please for the love of Bob don’t answer that.
Also, once again, how is this supposed to be a positive side-effect of street harassment? In any other way than women who are being stalked and abused by some aggressive dudebro wearing a fedora are likely to duck into any space they can find to try and lose him?
Also, I’m pretty sure most decent bar owners hate harassment, because things that make women feel less safe going out to do things like go to bars means less customers for overpriced drinks.
to the husband’s small business partner who knows the story of how they met and smirks about it over dinner,
Uhhh… is he trying to argue that women marry the construction workers and drunks who catcall them on the street? Or is this just one of those “if you are ever sexual in any space, then you consent to being sexual in all spaces (but only to me)” things that libertarian assholes get all het up on from time to time?
to the daughter at their 30th anniversary party who decided that she just wanted to be a full-time mom and raise her kids Christian and send them to private school and she was proud of her decisions in life.
Okkkaaaayyy I’m pretty sure, like most conversations with creepers, we’ve simply veered into the part of the conversation where he is just openly masturbating.
This is why conservatives will own the future of this country, and progressive leadership will fall by the wayside.
Surrrrre. You keep telling yourself that. Young people clamoring to rewind back the clock and give away all their rights for a bunch of old farts who ruined the country and the planet and then stuck them with the mess.
Whatever helps you forget you’ve hitched your line to a sinking ship, grandpa.
Americans in nursing homes don’t like their activities being taken away.
I mean, sure, I could make the easy joke about who cares what they demand, they’ll be dead soon, but honestly, why the fuck are we supposed to care about the battle for activities in a nursing home as if it’s somehow the only battle on the planet.
And certainly, why should we play along with this bullshit and not notice that it is an apt metaphor to the tired way privileged people try and cling to old methods of doing things, simply out of habit and a hazy remember of how it used to be “better”.
It’s tragic, I know, but the old days are gone. The backgammon set of patriarchy is faded and torn and the way women politely suffered through your gauntlet of crap just to survive is thankfully coming to a close. A new day is dawning and you can either embrace what can still come in your remaining days, or you can sit like a discarded bit of tissue trying to will Butterscotch Pudding Day back into existence with a pained expression on your face.
The choice is yours.
But that nurse who comes in Tuesdays for hip rehabilitation? She’s just fine.
Well, hate to break it to you but she’s happily married to her lesbian lover and when you go on that final dark journey, the only mark you will leave on her is a happy note that she will never again have to change the bedpan on that creeper in Room 6.
Cause no one will miss your ilk when they go. No one will look back and go “you know what this movement is missing, all those libertarian assholes who sent rape threats to every woman who joined”. No one will walk the streets unmolested and go “gosh, I was really looking forward to having somebody call me a fat bitch because I wouldn’t suck off a complete stranger”.
No one will mourn your passing or think proudly of your entitled flail at the notion that you don’t always get your way.
But then, you already knew that. It’s why you are so aggressive about trying to push women out of any space you are in. Because you know you are on the wrong side of history looking at the drawn curtains that separate you from where all the boobies are.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. Breasts, boobs, fun bags, great stonking tits! We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*Yes, I know that I’m going to Hell for that one. I will see you all there. We’ll go for drinks, it’ll be great.
**Seriously though, this “they were the majority” argument is even more stupid the more you think about it. It’s not like women being a slight majority of the population is a new thing. If it was true that women couldn’t be oppressed now because “numbers”, then they couldn’t ever be oppressed because the same numbers, which means no “marriage is a transfer of female property between father and husband” or “marital rape is a-okay” or witch burnings or even those honor killings that racists like to cite as proof of why we should bomb brown people.
Which, okay, given the average arguments of professional misogynists… yeah, I might buy that that’s exactly what they are trying to argue, but still…
***Which on that note, I noticed that one of the “surreptitious photo guys” was an infamous homophobe who always crashes that event in order to gather “fundraiser” materials for the next year, so it is very likely that I’ll be an example of what is poisoning America’s children in an anti-gay newsletter in the near future. Go me!