Dec
4

Do You Feel Like a Man, When You Push Her Around?




Posted at 1:00 by Cerberus

Maureen Dowd, Seriously, New York Times, What the Fuck Did we Ever do to you to Deserve this Shit:
Why the Y?

I have a fantasy.

That one day a strapping young man will give me a lift on his time machine and I can finally go back in time and strangle whoever thought it would be a great idea to give Maureen fucking Dowd a regular column.

Now, I know there are people who less deserve a regular column expressing opinions in major metropolitan newspapers. Bobo Brooks, Douchehat, JoeDonBob Surber, Dr. Stangel-Krauthammer, George Fucking Will. But Maureen Dowd just seems the most galling.

And I think I know why. All of them, Maureen Dowd included, are pathetic nepotistic beneficiaries of “both sides are equal” delusions of “objectivity” that somehow means that right-wing ignoramuses be highlighted more than slightly liberal columnists who are at least aware of the world that exists.

But Maureen Dowd is an extra crotch grab to the insult, as the excuse for her nepotistic hire is that they wanted to deal with their “no girls” allowed mentality by hiring a “feminist” who could be counted on to relate nothing but sexist garbage and Mean Girl™ cliches.

Cause, you know, if you weren’t quite yet convinced that the New York Times was a sexist pile of trash, what with the way they are the most reliable marks for every “50s gender roles is totes nature” evo psych “paper” ever written, the snide dismissal every time they are required to write about a prominent woman, or the number of major columnists who are twue believers in various sexist conspiracy theories, then hiring an anti-feminist nitwit with massive daddy issues as their “feminist” columnist might, just might, be that last little clue.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Even genetics is in on the conspiracy to make men more feminized and smaller so that the feminazi hordes can conquer and harvest their sperm energy and establish the Eternal Amazonian Empire and the death of all men!

Oh holy fuck, these bastards have finally discovered real biology. I think I might need to ready the suicide pills on this one.

Okey dokey, proceed.

EVEN sitting in an M.I.T. classroom made me feel smarter.

And that right there might be the best distillation of the main problem with modern mainstream newspapers and cable news shows. That they are completely packed with people who will turn a trick on a dime for a name with status.

Oh, are you a “Princeton scholar”? Then please sell your horseshit ideology about how the moon men stole all the ice cream from your fridge because some desperate host or columnist wants the reflected glory of your bought accomplishments.

And we see it most starkly here with Maureen Dowd feeling that just sitting in the seats of an MIT classroom for a work thing infects her with the gravitas and intelligence of the institution.

But I was still struggling with the difference between meiosis and parthenogenesis.

(whistle softly)

So, the sexists have finally discovered parthenogenesis, eh?

Okay, time for a biology lesson. There are basically two forms of reproduction (more or less) for lifeforms.

Sexual reproduction (or meiosis) is where half the genetic material from two genetic donors (i.e. the people having sexy times which in some creatures might be spraying a bunch of egg sacks bukkake-style) combines to form the amount needed for a new lifeform (in plants the half-material state can actually survive on its own for a bit and in some plants can even be the majority of the life cycle).

And asexual reproduction which is basically like cloning. One lifeform doubles its material and then splits into two nearly identical new lifeforms give or take some small differences due to fuckups or mutations during the copying. This happens all the time in complex sexually reproducing lifeforms (like slutty sexy people) in the form of fixing cuts or replacing shed skin (it’s mitosis for those who remember their high school biology). But for some lifeforms it is also the method by which they form whole new independent lifeforms. These lifeforms usually being single-celled organisms such as bacteria.

Which brings us to parthenogenesis. Parthenogenesis is a very rare, very unique situation in which asexual reproduction occurs in a large, multi-cellular organism. So basically, parent lays egg with the full genetic suite of material and it grows into a new creature with 99.9% of the same stuff as their parent.

And one last history lesson before we go back to killing our brains. Back when this was first discovered, some feminist lesbian separatists (lesbian women who pretty much just had it with men and wanted to live only with other sexy women because amazonian societies can be a hot fantasy) embarrassed themselves by embracing this notion as a means of 100% removing the necessity of sperm for the creation of offspring and desperately hoping for a means of making it occur in humans. Some of the most embarrassing examples actually thought that there were magical rituals one could perform to induce this state.

As one would expect, the notion was abandoned even faster than the whole lesbian separatism thing it was connected to and it was allowed to return back to a curious biological reality not exploited by dim-witted ideologies… until now.

Dr. David Page, the zippy evolutionary biologist teaching a class Wednesday called “Are Males Really Necessary?,” had helpfully laid out some props to illustrate gene swapping — bananas, apples and heads of lettuce arranged on a table covered with a flowery white tablecloth.

Oh for the life of Bob, it’s David fucking Page. Oh, how to even begin explaining this embarrassment.

Okay, so there’s this guy named Dr. David Page. In some ways he is a stellar scientist with genuine accomplishments. He headed the laboratory which sequenced the Y chromosome, is one of the chief researchers on the genetics of the Y chromosome, and has been one of the chief scientists countering the bizarre male-panic dominant theories of the past that painted the Y-chromosome as being on limited time and soon to disappear in the face of “dominant Xs”.

And honestly, he’d probably have even more accomplishments and be much more heralded if he also wasn’t a sexist nutjob with a massive stick up his ass about the Y chromosome being as buff and masculine in comparison to the X chromosome as he wants men to be to women.

In addition to his genuine scholarship, he has also misused scientific data or pulled ascientific assertions from his biases and presented them as scientific fact including arguing that evolution has a purpose and its purpose is to take the Y chromosome, which is totally not a degraded version of the X chromosome, and make it a badass action movie hero that is free of all that “girly” crap that would have dragged it down.

As one would expect from that mountain of garbage, he has often been criticized and for a period of time actually served as the perfect example of the way sexism in biology scientists created sexism and ascientific conclusions in the biological theories themselves.

Which is frankly hard to disprove when he’s pulling this kind of shit:

Figures depicted X-transposed genes as pink, X-degenerate genes as yellow (representing an ancient mix of male and female – presex, neutral, or neither-nor), and Y genes as blue. X genes were characterized as “housekeeping” and “ubiquitous” while Y genes “acquire” and “maintain” male-specific functions and “experience” palindromic recombination.

So yeah, bad science in favor of sexist genetic determinism. And on top of those unforgivable crimes against the field of biology, he’s a bit of an intersex denier and his work has been cited in favor of hospital policies that “assign” (through genital-mutilating surgery) an intersex kid a gender based on the overall outward secondary sex characteristics (because his research purports to reveal how they are “actually” that sex). And the less said about his opinions on trans* people, the better, but let’s just say that his antics with the coloring of genes and Y=male determinism does not lend itself kindly to reality-based views on trans* experiences as it were.

So yeah, we’ve got parthenogenesis and a crazed “sperm is the sole essence of life” psychotic in the first couple of paragraphs. I don’t know about you, but I’m already shit-sprayingly terrified.

“Since only females can give birth, why is it of any advantage to the species to have a second sex?” he asked. “Why should nature bother with males?”

This existential terror has kept up sexists for millennia. Hundreds of generations of scared cismen, wondering just how important they are in the creation of new life when its mostly the women who are giving birth and growing it inside them for 9 months.

And there have been endless biological “theories” to help cismen cope with this terrifying reality that they might not be the center of the goddamn universe. The homunculus theory, which stated that a sperm formed itself into a tiny person and the womb was merely the vessel for this god seed to implant and grow. The current right-wing nonsense where “life”, weal twue life, begins when sperm meets egg. Freakouts about the revelation that mitochondria is inherited matrilineally, or that hormones are way more deterministic for outward second sex characteristics than ones chromosomes, or that the Y chromosome does not dwarf the X chromosome or carry more coding proteins than it, or that some “male-centric” proteins as it were are even coded in the X-chromosome. And of course, the current right-wing sexist freakout about how if women are allowed to have full and interesting lives without being owned by a collection of men and can even impregnate herself without ever letting a man enter into her, it will somehow mean the global extinction of men as the gynofascist hordes come to castrate them all in their sleep.

He told the packed classroom about the ingenious genetic feat of the Laredo striped whiptail lizards in the Rio Grande Valley in Texas and Mexico.

“This species is a Girls Only club, and the girls reproduce by cloning themselves,” Dr. Page said.

Yeah, as noted before in the random biology lesson tangent, this is the most famous rare and pretty cool species that reproduces through parthenogenesis or asexual reproduction in a multicellular creature. It’s a fascinating evolutionary oddity to be sure when it’s not being exploited by pig-ignorant fuckwads.

So… yeah, let’s break my heart and watch it get exploited by more pig-ignorant fuckwads.

“In the species with males, life is pretty routine. The females produce eggs, the males produce sperm, fertilization occurs and the male-inclusive life cycle is completed. In species without males, life has a different texture. The females produce eggs, but the eggs do not need sperm. That’s parthenogenesis, which is a big word that means we understand absolutely nothing about how this works.”

Thank you for the heteronormative ascientific anthropomorphizing of science, may I have another?!?

Fuck me to death with a spiked dildo, does this shit just hurt. Ugh, no, “sexual reproduction” is not “routine” and “normal”. It just happens to be the dominant model by which multicellular organisms reproduce. Largely because (one more biology lesson) sexual reproduction is a nice way of creating a shit-ton of genetic variation without having to create millions of copies of something. Basically, it counters the biggest weakness of multicellular creatures (that it takes them a much longer time to become “full-grown” and “able to reproduce” than unicellular creatures) with a decent compensation (if the big disease comes through, you’re more likely to have more of your population resistant or immune to it than the mostly clone population of unicellular organisms).

It’s not magical, being a mommy and a daddy who produce sperm and egg, powers, it’s just reality and let’s be frankly honest, if we’re talking about which one is more normal by “number of organisms that use it to reproduce” then asexual reproduction is WAY WAY WAY more normal by so many orders of magnitude that it’ll make your eyes hurt.

Oh, also, Fuckwad McDipshit? We don’t “understand absolutely nothing about how parthenogenesis works”? It’s actually pretty fucking simple. Most egg-having species form an egg with half the genetic material, it gets fertilized by semen which carries the other half and then through eventual implantation (for most mammals) or growth with warmth (for egg-laying species) there is a cycle of mitotic divisions that slowly begin crafting new organisms.

Parthenogenesis just means the egg has all the genetic information. Meiosis is skipped and the growth phases just involve that series of mitotic divisions that the “normal” sexually reproduced eggs undergo.

Fuck, the fact that this complete wanker teaches at MIT while I can’t even get a look-in at a community college just fills my soul with infinite sadness.

He said old-fashioned fertilization (meiosis) beats cloning (parthenogenesis) because, as genes mutate,

They have a greater biological diversity.

Yeah, that’s the big advantage. Being more diverse and being filled with more “mutations” and freaks in order to protect the species from getting stuck in in-bred dead-ends (like the Republican Party or European aristocracy) and having enough variation to survive most anything that the world might throw at them (like say human beings and their talent for destroying the planet).

It’s the biggest thing that makes sexually-reproducing species in any way advantageous and yet it’s so hard for old white, totally not sexist, racist, and homophobic men to embrace this reality and celebrate it rather than trying to find ways of rephrasing it as the victory of conformity and traditional family structures.

But remember, that’s not a sign of bigotry in science coloring the conclusions, no, no, it’s a sign of… uh… how are we going to spin this again?

He said old-fashioned fertilization (meiosis) beats cloning (parthenogenesis) because, as genes mutate, “males provide females with spare parts.”

(slow clap)

And that’s why he is the master, ladies, gentlemen, non-binary individuals, and fluberts. Molto bella.

It’s not having a diversity of genetic variation, it’s those nice man genes fixing up the dirty mess the lady genes left behind with their “building the pyramids with slaves so you didn’t have to hunt the mammoth and now give me a blowjob” can do spirit!

Truly there is nothing that can’t be reimagined as patriarchy if you just set your mind to it.

It had been eight years since I’d talked to Dr. Page, director of the Whitehead Institute for Biomedical Research, about doomsday predictions that we were hurtling toward a planet without men in a mere 100,000 to 10 million years.

… I’m sorry, I seem to have missed my exit and ended up in the center of Crazytown during the annual Conspiracy Festival. So apologies if I seem a little gauche as I ask… What the fucking hell what?!?

I don’t even know where to begin but to note that somebody looked at this woman worrying about “doomsday predictions about a planet without men” and thought “you know what she needs? A platform to share these important insights with the entire fucking world.” Someone actually made that decision. I just… no, just no.

The Y chromosome was shedding genes and wilting into a mere remnant of its once mighty structure. Y declinists were arguing that, from sperm count to social status, men were vanishing, Snapchat-style.

The Y had shrunk to a fraction of the size of its partner, the X chromosome. (Obviously, Stephen Colbert told Dr. Page, it had just gotten out of the pool.)

Oh holy hell. Okay, time for backstory once again. So remember when I said that there was unfortunately an insane “men are literally disappearing from the Earth” biological theory about the Y chromosome that David Page in one of his few lucid moments actually managed to help knock out of its place embarrassing biologists?

Yeah, this is that.

And no, it wasn’t some anti-male feminist thing, just a bunch of scared old white men having a freakout about the Y chromosome not being as awesomely powerful as they would like and tying it to their existential panic over suffragettes and the dawning horror that women might be allowed to have full lives rather than happily serve as broodmares and house-slaves.

And since it’s here, I might as well through in my two cents.

It’s an asinine and insultingly moronic “theory” based on nothing more than fear. The actual reality is that mutation is and divergent genes that determine sperm or egg production of cells or tissues is a critical function of any sexually reproducing organisms. Which is why organisms that are most closely related to species that existed when this reproductive method was first mutated show hermaphroditic species (they got both egg-producing tissues and sperm-producing tissues) such as most flowering plants and a number of “basic” animals.

And is the case in a lot of evolution, diversity happens. And the Y-chromosome, much like mitochondrial DNA was allowed to and in fact was positively selected for specializing. Much like mtDNA, major coding proteins became more X-chromosome specific or rather were discovered to have always been X-chromosome specific, but there are still Y-linked genes.

And more importantly, there will probably always be Y-linked genes in most sexually reproducing mammalian species. In the same way that mitochondrial DNA will probably always exist. It’s just the way that evolution tends to go, what with it not being predetermined paths leading to specific outcomes, but rather just life and mutation and the teeming sea of variation and diversity.

Even if we manage to not snuff ourselves out in the next thousand years and survive to that mythical future time with cyberpunk dinosaurs and people surviving as living skin, then we’ll still probably have Y-chromosome linked genes.

So all this worry is just an excuse to have a freakout about (usually lesbian) women being able to survive and live lives without male meddling in the guise of a genuine scientific inquiry.

The Y-sky-is-falling predictions mirrored Hanna Rosin’s thesis in “The End of Men,”

Speaking of the devil…

showing that women are consolidating power — as graduates, breadwinners, single mothers, consumers.

OH NOES! Not women living their own lives without being the sex doll property of some man somewhere! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

Indeed, former Clinton money guy Terry McAuliffe would not be the new governor of Virginia if his Republican opponent, Ken Cuccinelli, had not scared off single women by belonging to a state party crew that was chasing women around with wands, trying to do transvaginal probes.

I mean, why do we even let these vile she-creatures have the right to vote if they are going to be so flighty as to be scared off merely by a sexist candidate who promised they’d be raped if he won.

…And this is what the New York Times considers to be “feminist”, people. Yeah, let that explain all the national discourse around women’s rights right there.

Even back when I first talked to Dr. Page — known as Mr. Y — he cast himself as “the defender of the rotting Y chromosome.”

He painted a picture of the Y as “a slovenly beast,” sitting in his worn armchair, surrounded by boxes and pizza crusts.

“The Y wants to maintain himself but doesn’t know how,” he said. “He’s falling apart, like the guy who can’t manage to get a doctor’s appointment or clean up the house or apartment unless his wife or girlfriend does it.”

Have I mentioned that this guy is an embarrassment to Evolutionary Biology, yet? Cause I don’t think I could possibly say it enough times.

But yeah, total mystery how he became the poster-child for sexism in the sciences back in the 80s.

But, as it turned out, it was a mistake to underestimate a chromosome that had for centuries madly attacked, annexed, enslaved, pillaged, plundered, inseminated and thrust forward to create great art, architecture and literature.

…Lady, your therapist will have a field day with this sentence.

Driven no doubt by lust and ego, the Y heroically revived.

“The Y chromosome did essentially fall asleep at the wheel about 200 to 300 million years ago, not long after we parted evolutionary company with birds, while we were still pretty close to our reptilian ancestors,” Dr. Page tells me now. “And then, at the last minute before the car veered off the cliff, the Y chromosome woke up and got with the program and said, ‘I don’t have a lot left, but what I have left I’m going to keep.’”

NnnnnnnnnnnghraxiphraxingmotherfuckingGYAHHHHHH!

Hey, do you ever want to drive a biologist insane? Just start anthropomorphizing genes and start crafting fantasies about how they are self-aware of their “path” and make “conscious choices” to be something else.

Because hey, that’s how people work. So of course that’s how inanimate gunk, sequences of four semi-repeating chemicals work, right?

And the fact that this man is allowed to teach biology outside of a semi-circular trash bin thrown down an abandoned freeway underpass while spewing this fantastical nonsense (to a member of the press no less) just fills me with all-consuming rage. There are flames… Flames on the side of my face, breathing hot-

Dr. Page and Dr. Jennifer Hughes led a team that decoded the Y chromosome of rhesus monkeys, which share a common ancestor with humans, and discovered that the Y’s gene shedding leveled off about 20 to 30 million years ago. In the Y’s cliffhanger, the chromosome used its toolbox to repair some of its genes and became fastidious about not allowing the other genes to be damaged.

As The Times’s Nicholas Wade sanguinely noted, “There are grounds for hope that the Y chromosome has reached a plateau of miniaturized perfection and will shrivel no more.”

Because yeah, what the idiocy of the “oh noes, the man-chromosome is disappearing because of flappers having the right to vote” Disappearing Y theory needed was to be replaced by the Rugged Individualism Y theory.

Fuck, I know too many men have reflexive penis-terror reactions to anything even remotely related to men and the word “shrinking” or “smaller” but we could at least pretend we actually care about the genuine science on the subject.

Cause, see, the Y just is. It’s smaller than the X. It’s got less coding proteins. And frankly, most of what it does can be easily replicated by pumping some androgens at the right time in fetal development and pubescent growth. That’s genetic efficiency.

And I know that goes against all the mythologies about men being naturally endowed by science and God to rule over the inferior creatures of the Earth and you were hoping to find the magic bullet that will finally show all those uppity bitches that they should be naked in your kitchen giving you a blowjob as they make you a sandwich that would make the angels weep… But you just need to let it the fuck go.

We are what we are. Our chromosomes are not our destiny. Our gender assignments at birth are not our destiny. Not even our genuine genders are our destiny. Nor is our genes or our circumstances.

If we allow our beautiful diversity to be, we can be happier as what we are. A species remarkably adaptive and impressively ingenious. Able to fix even our own colossal fuckups-

And I just lost all you conservative change-fearing bastards right there, didn’t I?

Motherfucking “personal responsibility” fearing bastiches. Every last one of you.

While the Y was shrinking, the “buxom” X, as Wade dubbed it — formerly considered “a staid, pristine relic,” as Dr. Page says — was growing larger and stronger, acquiring new bunches of genes, some of which play roles in producing sperm.

YOU GET IT YET? IT’S A METAPHOR FOR FEMINISM IN THE EYES OF SEXISTS? I’M SORRY FOR YELLING, BUT I’M NOT SURE YOU GET THE SUBTLE ARGUMENT WE ARE EXPLOITING THIS PSUEDO-SCIENCE TO MAKE!

But just when the Y thought it was safe to go back in the water, a new American study in the journal Science shows that mice, with only two Y chromosome-derived genes, can produce cells capable of joining with an egg to make a new mouse.

“Scientists have practically obliterated the ultimate symbol of maleness in DNA, the Y chromosome,” the BBC reported, “and believe they may be able to do away with it completely.”

You know, minor aside, but nobody seems to hate men more than anti-feminists.

I mean, they are so terrified that even minor female empowerment will be so revolutionary and wonderful that there will be literally no use for men once women are no longer held down by their throats on the bathroom tile.

That the ability of some women to live lives wholly separate from the actions of a man. That a woman may be created by two loving women doing IVF, grow up and then love a woman herself without having been “taught her place” by a man will somehow make men obsolete, will somehow mean that no woman anywhere will ever want to be with them or care about them ever again.

That the only way they can have friends is to have slaves.

If it was uttered by a feminist, it would clearly be recognized as the bitterest of hatred for men, but somehow these waves of gynophobic bastards convince themselves that this is somehow just how the world works and there are endless conspiracies to destroy them utterly.

I suppose it makes it easier to justify the hatred, the all-encompassing need to destroy and vilify all women everywhere, if one is fighting for one’s very survival against all odds.

But here in the real world, despite the dressings you put upon it, despite the allies you manage to dupe, despite the prominent newspapers willing to fluff your nonsense, it just makes you a sad pathetic loser freaking out that a wonderfully diverse species like ours won’t make ourselves boring and small so you can continue feeling like a king.

Which brings us to a recent Sarah Silverman tweet: “Dear Men, Just b/c we don’t need you anymore doesn’t mean we don’t WANT you! Love forever, Women.”

There are genuine egalitarian relationships. There are waves upon waves of heterosexual and bisexual women and men out there. And you will have the same access to love and sex. Companionship and friendship. Support and compassion.

Women working out of the home, holding careers, having full realized lives of their own and the tools to pursue it without fear. Women having the ability to control when they breed or who they bond with or when they want to have sex. Women living lives where they are lesbians or in a relationship with a woman or just dating another man and not you or not dating anyone does not eliminate your ability to find someone or have support. People you assumed were women because of their chromosomes or their secondary sex characteristics turning out to be men or genderqueer or something else entirely does not limit your ability to live in this world.

This infinite diversity of human experience?

DOES NOT LIMIT YOU IN ANY WAY.

And you can choose to stop being on the wrong side of history. Stop making life worse for those not exactly like you. Stop infecting scientific theories with your untreated neuroses. Stop trying to force this wonderful biodiversity into a model that never worked.

And you can enjoy this life and what it has to offer.

Or you can continue to be scared and alone, shivering at imagined demons of male-elimination and gynofascists and biological conspiracies.

With only Maureen Fucking Dowd and her daddy issues for company…


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. You know what happens to a sexually reproducing species when you try and artificially reduce its biodiversity based on models of what’s “better”? It’s all the bad and the European royal families are just the beginning of what can happen. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

132 Comments »

  1. Dragon-King Wangchick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 1:01

    FIRSTIES! GO CERB!

  2. Dragon-King Wangchick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 1:25

    So in this analogy between humans and parthenogenic whiptail lizards, what plays the role of hybridization species? If wingnuts are involved, I am going to assume it will have something to do with box turtles.

  3. Dragon-King Wangchick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 1:52

    Stuff like this reminds me of my biases (towards moms) and poor understanding of concepts like “species”. I’ve been conditioned to think of the definition requiring he “ability to produce viable and generally fertile offspring” despite being well aware that speciation must have preceded sexually reproduction.

    With all this ignorance I harbour, who am i to disagree that masculinity won\t become extinct. On the plus side though – striped whiptails still perform courtship rituals and the parthenogenic reproduction is triggered by standard mounting mating behaviour – which means that there will still be girl-on-girl pr0ns.

  4. Dragon-King Wangchick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:02

    Indeed, a cursory review of documented human sexual activity (i.e. pr0ns on teh Intarpr0ns) indicates that males are indeed disappearing and female-only sexual behaviour is becoming the new norm[1]. Although, more in depth study may be required. And given the volume of material to catalog, I may need moar grant monies[2].

    [1] I looked at my browser history.
    [2] I don’t know why the grant application pages are sticking together.

  5. Dragon-King Wangchick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:09

    Also too, wasn’t Jesus the result of parthenogenic reproduction? zomg, maybe he’s a lizard!

  6. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:10

    I have a P chromosome.

  7. Dragon-King Wangchick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:13

    What are you doing in my thread?!

  8. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:16

    Who is this “Wangchick” person?

  9. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:30

    A gesture of trans solidarity?

  10. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:37

    A planet without men in 10 million years! Gee I hope we don’t wait, as we typically do, until 9.9999 million years have passed to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

  11. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:38

    So in this analogy between humans and parthenogenic whiptail lizards, what plays the role of hybridization species?

    Your mom.

  12. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:40

    On a planet without men, no Creed.

    Give it some thought.

  13. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:41

    Wangchick is the new preferred term replacing “shemale” in Bangkok sex clubs.

  14. VCarlson said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:49

    Stop making life worse for those not exactly like you. 

    This.

  15. Thread Bear said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:54

    IF the human race evolves into an all female race (or an all male race for that matter) it won’t happen until long, long, long past me being around to worry about it. Presumably there will be good reason for such an evolution, it will be advantageous to the human race to evolve in such a manner and the situation will seem perfectly normal for those evolved humans. I just don’t see any reason to get excited here. You may just as well get all riled up because in 100,000 years humans may not have toenails any more.

  16. Thread Bear said,

    December 4, 2013 at 2:59

    And it’s not like the research team of Zager and Evans didn’t already hash all this out back in 1969.

    In the year 6565
    Ain’t gonna need no husband, won’t need no wife
    You’ll pick your son, pick your daughter too
    From the bottom of a long glass tube Whoooa

  17. Dragon-King Wingchuck said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:04

    whoa, didn`t even see that.

  18. Thread Bear said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:06

    On a planet without men, no Creed.

    Give it some thought.

    In a world without men, Democrats would control the House 62-20 and the Senate 16-4.

  19. El Manquécito said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:09

    I’m more concerned about the extinction of redheads. It’s coming right up unless something is done.

  20. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:09

    In a world without men, no one takes out teh garbage because women amirite.

  21. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:16

    I’m more concerned about the extinction of redheads. It’s coming right up unless something is done.

    I’m surprised Maureen Dowd hasn’t already secreted a trite column about this issue.

  22. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:17

    IF the human race evolves into an all female race (or an all male race for that matter)

    It could totally happen. That’s why Mars needs women.

  23. Thread Bear said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:23

    This also gives wingnuts another excuse not to worry about global warming. I mean, why bother to save the planet if there aren’t going be any men around to rape it anyway.

  24. El Manquécito said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:31

    All women or all men, doesn’t matter, at least I’d never have to shave again.

  25. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2013 at 3:55

    males provide females with spare parts

    I for one welcome our new organ-harvesting overladies.

  26. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2013 at 4:16

    While the Y was shrinking, the “buxom” X, as Wade dubbed it

    Which is a good illustration of how badly one’s thinking goes off the track when Male / Female dichotomy is the hammer one uses to treat everything as a nail. The X chromosome is not ‘boxum’. It is not the ‘female chromosome’. The X chromosome is just an ordinary chromosome, doing ordinary chromosome things. It’s not like it carries “the gene for estrogen” or anything. Guys have an X chromosome (or two in the case of Klinefelter’s condition); girls have two X chromosomes (or one in the case of Turner’s condition) but one of them is turned off in every cell.

    The problem with this kind of derp is that nimrods start thinking that the genes contributing to male / female physical dimorphism are confined to the X-Y pair… in fact they’re spread around all 23 chromosome pairs, with a few Y-based genes to turn them on or off.

    So what if the Y chromosome evolved itself into non-existence? — the X0 system of sex determination works perfectly well to encode male-ness. Or evolution might choose the ZW system of sex determination. For feck’s sake, this has already happened umpteen times in the course of evolution.

  27. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2013 at 4:21

    the extinction of redheads
    The solution to that particular problem is cloning.

  28. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 4:22

    For feck’s sake, this has already happened umpteen times in the course of evolution

    Yeah, “evilution” is just a theory. If we evolved from apes THEN WHY ARE THERE STILL APES?!?!? Checkmate, evolutionist!

  29. tigris said,

    December 4, 2013 at 4:35

    On a planet without men, no Creed.

    Give it some thought.

    WORTH IT.

    the extinction of redheads
    The solution to that particular problem is cloning.

    Hair dye would be cheaper.

  30. Major Kong said,

    December 4, 2013 at 4:43

    And here I was hoping the Amazons would at least keep me around for breeding stock after they took over.

  31. Failure Artist said,

    December 4, 2013 at 4:44

    The redhead extinction thing is an urban legend based on faulty understanding of recessive genes.

  32. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2013 at 4:55

    The redhead extinction thing is an urban legend based on faulty understanding of recessive genes.
    More a deliberate hoax.

    Hair dye would be cheaper.
    Malnutrition is cheaper still and inevitable anyway.

  33. freq flag said,

    December 4, 2013 at 5:07

    What? No snide remark about Hillary and/or the genetics of cankles?
    I call “fake MoDo” column.

  34. Some Guy said,

    December 4, 2013 at 5:09

    Reading this reminds me of that Reynholm Industries promo.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlS5geN289Q
    At least IT Crowd was -trying- to be ridiculous.

  35. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 4, 2013 at 6:43

    If we evolved from apes THEN WHY ARE THERE STILL APES?!?!?

    That’s EASY.

    More keep arriving via spaceship.

  36. Magpie said,

    December 4, 2013 at 7:05

    Jesus Haploid Christ

  37. Smut Clyde said,

    December 4, 2013 at 7:25

    Jesus Tetraploid Christ would be stronger.

  38. Charles Fort said,

    December 4, 2013 at 7:26

    If we evolved from apes THEN WHY ARE THERE STILL APES?!?!?
    More keep arriving via spaceship.

    They TELEPORT sir. Be realistic.

  39. Fenwick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 9:32

    Off-topic: Spooky film (1:46) of an ice finger of death in the Antarctic. http://www.bbc.co.uk/nature/15835017

    Ice Finger would be a good band name….

  40. Fenwick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 11:45

    Or Finger of Death…. Or Ice Finger of Death.

    Speaking of death, I think I’ve kilt this thread. I suppose that’s what happens when someone goes Off-Topic before the Topic is fully discussed.

    I don’t have much to add to discussion because I’ve never taken ANY biology course, not even in HS. Anyway I’m out of the gene pool, which is prolly good for the species. Otherwise we could go all nocturnal and have huge eyes or something.

  41. Fenwick said,

    December 4, 2013 at 12:59

    Okay there’s nothing goin’ on tonight. So I will put up a link to a 25-minute YouTube video of Batterstone Castle.

    Batterstone Castle

    Batterstone Castle is a fortress I built with 39,060 Legos. The baseplates covered 33 square feet; the tallest pennant was 81 bricks above the baseplate. It took eleven months to design and build. Batterstone was featured on broadcasts done by all four Baltimore TV stations; their pieces are stitched together toward the end of program. (Batterstone was also was the headline article for the front page of WaPo’s Style section.)

    In the 1990′s, I worked as a consultant–primarily a scriptwriter–for a firm that worked on training projects for federal agencies. The video crew brought professional gear and lighting to my house to film the castle, and edited it on our Avid suite.

    They turned the editing over to a rookie as a vehicle for him to learn the Avid suite. Consequently, there are some minor flaws. The sound mix is sketchy–my narration is too soft–and he chose Gothic lettering for the on-screen text, which makes it awkward to read.

    The program was unusual in that the completed the edit was accomplished BEFORE I did the narration. (Usually, programs are edited to the script.) So I had to time each segment, then write and deliver my narration to correspond with the pre-existing visuals…whatever they were.

    If you don’t stick around for the end credits, I dedicated the program in loving memory of Bryan Reed, 1961 – 1973; my half-brother died of leukemia. He would have gotten such a kick out of Batterstone: We built a large indoor sand-table next to his bedroom for playing with HO-scale figurines he painted. My brother Dave and I also built lots of balsa wood buildings (including a sectioned castle). Added some rocks for cliffs and lichen for foliage. It was biggish: 10′ x 6′ if I recall.

    Finally, the video will reveal ol’ Fenwick’s Secret True Identity and what he looks like (or looked like back in the early 90′s). So it’s worth clicking on just out of curiosity.

    NOTE:The program is NOT searchable on You Tube. A friend and former colleague posted this and he didn’t list it. So save or boomark the the link … then use to amaze your friends and terrify your enemies.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SqNkxDHOYc&feature=youtu.be

    After this big build-up, I hope the link works! Got my fingers crossed.

  42. VCarlson said,

    December 4, 2013 at 13:54

    So save or boomark the the link

    It’s that scary?

  43. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2013 at 16:32

    THEN WHY ARE THERE STILL APES?!?!?

    This argument always bothers me. Are there in fact still apes? When did you last see one? How do you know it’s just not a really, really old ape from ancient times when they still existed? Or a government conspiracy of animatronic deceit for socialism reasons! And even if other people claim to have seen real live apes, that doesn’t mean anything. Where you there? Clearly the continued existence of apes is just a matter of faith. Sure, we may have seen micro-apes developed under strictly controlled laboratory conditions but there’s still a huge jump to being able to “prove” the existence of macro-apes in nature.

  44. Major Kong said,

    December 4, 2013 at 17:13

    What about micro-apes in nature?

  45. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 4, 2013 at 17:40

    What about micro-apes in nature?

    Considering how sneaky and tricky apes can be, I acknowledge that observing them in the wild would be really difficult. And at that size, it might be difficult telling them apart from milli-lemurs and pocket monkeys.

  46. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 17:40

    Gina Miller wants you to be afraid. Very afraid.
    http://www.renewamerica.com/columns/miller/131203

    The Godless communists (or fascists, if you prefer) are using the homosexual agenda to work toward eradicating Christian opposition to their plans, which are Satan’s plans. If you know your Bible, then you know that Christianity is destined to be outlawed. We are moving steadily toward a time when Christians here in America will be in danger of state-sanctioned murder for their beliefs.

  47. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 17:45

    Oh this is good:
    Many conservative groups and churches fear the vicious vitriol of homosexuals and their supporters in our twisted culture, and that’s really a shame.

  48. El Manquécito said,

    December 4, 2013 at 17:46

    If god is outlawed only outlaws will have god.

  49. Failure Artist said,

    December 4, 2013 at 17:49

    We know Christianity is destined to be outlawed, as seen by books written when Christianity was outlawed and unlikely to ever be legalized.

  50. tigris said,

    December 4, 2013 at 18:10

    And at that size, it might be difficult telling them apart from milli-lemurs and pocket monkeys.

    Hey, that’s just what Mom said!

    If you know your Bible, then you know that Christianity is destined to be outlawed.

    I know there are people who twist verses to say that when a more straightforward interpretation wouldn’t.

  51. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 18:35

    At least IT Crowd was -trying- to be ridiculous.
    pocket monkeys.

    if we had pocket monkeys, douglas may not have needed the electric sex pants…

  52. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 18:38

    We know Christianity is destined to be outlawed, as seen by books written when Christianity was outlawed and unlikely to ever be legalized

    ugh…with the decline of males, does this mean that while christianity is still alive, there will be more joyce meyers’?

  53. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 18:41

    No apes, no Tea Party. No apes, no Budweiser.

    Also, no apes, no Every Which Way But Loose. That’s a world I don’t care to even contemplate, let alone inhabit.

  54. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 18:42

    The Godless communists (or fascists, if you prefer

    Just pick one. The definitions don’t really matter anyway.

  55. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:05

    For years now, many of us have been warning America that freedoms of religion, speech, conscience and association and homosexual “rights” cannot coexist; they are by nature mutually exclusive. This is becoming clearer by the minute, as the radical homosexual movement has taken super flight under the ever-darkening reign of the pro-homosexual Barack Obama (or whatever his name is).

    or whatever his name is… wow, how can one argue with a brilliant mind such as gina’s?

  56. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:12

    I don’t get why Obama’s reign is ever-darkening.

  57. Chris said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:20

    The Godless communists (or fascists, if you prefer) are using the homosexual agenda to work toward eradicating Christian opposition to their plans, which are Satan’s plans. If you know your Bible, then you know that Christianity is destined to be outlawed. We are moving steadily toward a time when Christians here in America will be in danger of state-sanctioned murder for their beliefs.
    - Gina Miller, 2013

    “This bill will live in infamy. To sign it into law at any time is tragic. To do so upon the eve of the celebration of our independence insults the intelligence of the American people.

    It dishonors the memory of countless thousands of our dead who offered up their very lives in defense of principles which this bill destroys.

    Never before in the history of this nation have so many human and property rights been destroyed by a single enactment of the Congress. It is an act of tyranny. It is the assassin’s knife stuck in the back of liberty.

    With this assassin’s knife and a blackjack in the hand of the Federal force-cult, the left-wing liberals will try to force us back into bondage. Bondage to a tyranny more brutal than that imposed by the British monarchy which claimed power to rule over the lives of our forefathers under sanction of the Divine Right of kings.

    Today, this tyranny is imposed by the central government which claims the right to rule over our lives under sanction of the omnipotent black-robed despots who sit on the bench of the United States Supreme Court.

    This bill is fraudulent in intent, in design, and in execution.”

    - George Wallace, 1964 (discussing the Civil Rights Act)

  58. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:22

    I don’t get why Obama’s reign is ever-darkening.

    duh! melanin!

    also, too, i read the entire thing and i don’t get much of it…most especially why other people exercising their rights means that other people’s freedums are being taken away…or why just homosexual rights and christianity cannot co-exist…there’s plenty of things i think are icky and wrong, but christians as a whole seem fine with them…why are they whipping themselves into a frenzy over EVERYthing they think is a sin? like, why aren’t they frothing over adultery? pretty sure it’s a biblical no-no…and premarital sex? and all the other things satan (or as she calls him ‘the prince of the power of the air’) tries to get us to do….?

  59. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:28

    left-wing liberals will try to force us back into bondage.

    All that history in college and MISSED the fucking class that went over when rich white males were in bondage. FUCK>

    Also, bondage. Heh.

  60. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:31

    - George Wallace, 1964 (discussing the Civil Rights Act)

    “Some time later, somebody shot that man. But he didn’t die.”

    –Forrest, Forrest Gump.

  61. Chris said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:41

    Nope, he pulled a Nixon instead, “found Jesus” and became vewy vewy sowwy about having once held a political stance that was now unpopular having been a racist.

  62. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:45

    durr…me not type so good…i was wondering why they ARE’NT whipping themselves into a frenzy about everything they consider a sin…

    i have not had caffeine and/or chocolate for three days now…it’s starting to show…

  63. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 19:51

    Nope, he pulled a Nixon instead, “found Jesus” and became vewy vewy sowwy about having once held a political stance that was now unpopular having been a racist.

    Atwater tried that shit too. Those kind of people make me hope there is a hell.

  64. Charles Fort said,

    December 4, 2013 at 20:01

    The Godless communists (or fascists, if you prefer)

    Yay! We have a choice! It’s the Market at work!

  65. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 4, 2013 at 20:30

    There are regular apes, and grape ones.

  66. Pupienus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 20:49

    There’s Moby Grape and Grape Ape but alas no Moby Grape Ape.

  67. Pupienus said,

    December 4, 2013 at 20:50

    Beware of liberal bloggers asking for PayPal donations pretending it’s to ‘help them out of a jam’.

    Fixt .

  68. Failure Artist said,

    December 4, 2013 at 21:29

    Whenever Dennis and DA argue I think “GET A ROOM!” You two are way too obsessed with each other.

  69. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 21:31

    Whenever Dennis and DA argue I think “GET A ROOM!” You two are way too obsessed with each other.

    i think about that, about the fishslap dance, ‘am not!’ ‘are too!’ and five year olds…

  70. Failure Artist said,

    December 4, 2013 at 21:33

    ANYWAY, I turned down a “temporary worker position” at Safeway that turned out to mean “scab”. I’m glad they warned me before I crossed the picket lines. I thought they just wanted more workers for the seasonal rush. It wasn’t that big of a loss turning down the job since I’m on SSI, but I wish it was a real job.

  71. Captain Ned, H.M.S. The Raging Queen said,

    December 4, 2013 at 21:52

    Have a good life, cowboi.

  72. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 21:53

    Grape Ape Soda

    Calling the trademark office…

  73. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 22:00

    Grape Ape Soda

    Calling the trademark office…

    while you have them on the horn, let them know i’m taking ‘grape ape tape’…it’s gonna kick gorilla tape and duck tape’s wimpy asses!

  74. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 22:03

    oh, hey tsam…maeve learned a new trick…she can junkpunch! i find it much more amusing than hubbkf does…don’t know why but she has suddenly taken to running up to a person and then jumping with front paws extended and with her size, it’s pretty much groin level…

    and since it’s getting really, really icky out (last night was a bit of a weather dud) imma heading out…my loaner car is a ford focus and i’m thinking it’s not going to be so much on snowy, slippery roads…

  75. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 22:12

    while you have them on the horn, let them know i’m taking ‘grape ape tape’…it’s gonna kick gorilla tape and duck tape’s wimpy asses!

    OHHH Nice–I like it.

    she can junkpunch! i find it much more amusing than hubbkf does…don’t know why

    This is a child’s first establishment of autonomy. Congrats.

  76. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 4, 2013 at 22:13

    Also, no apes, no Every Which Way But Loose.

    Or Bedtime For Bonzo.

  77. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 22:16

    Or Bedtime For Bonzo.

    Ah yeeeahhhh. How cool that we got the unique experience of watching a future president match wits with a monkey and not fare very well. In hindsight, it looks like a terrible omen.

  78. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 4, 2013 at 22:18

    Somebody pulled a media hoax. This means there are no poor people. Thanks for the clarification.

  79. tsam said,

    December 4, 2013 at 22:26

    Somebody pulled a media hoax. This means there are no poor people.

    THANKS, OBAMA

  80. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 4, 2013 at 23:37

    You know a hoax has gone too far when the death panels are operating at peak efficiency.

  81. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 23:53

    THANKS, OBAMA

    OR WHATEVER HIS NAME IS…

  82. bbkf said,

    December 4, 2013 at 23:54

    You know a hoax has gone too far when the death panels are operating at peak efficiency.

    great…now i have an image of urkel saying, ‘did i do thaaaaat?’

  83. Major Kong said,

    December 4, 2013 at 23:56

    Somebody pulled a media hoax. This means there are no poor people.

    Well since there’s no racism anymore getting rid of poverty was the obvious next step.

  84. 'natch said,

    December 5, 2013 at 0:23

    The whole “Sunny the Dog” debacle proves once and for all that the US should invade Portugal.

  85. Pupienus said,

    December 5, 2013 at 1:07

    We’ve been found out!

    BLiberals Will Take Kids From Conservatives, Give Them To Gays Who Will Abuse Them

    blah blah
    [...]
    Solomon called Obama a “foulmouthed, homosexual, drug-using, ne’er-do-well,” while Schlafly suggested that he only became president because “he had people behind him pushing him all the way.” “I really don’t think he’s very smart,” she said. “He can only say what somebody puts on the teleprompter for him.”

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/schlafly-solomon-liberals-will-take-kids-conservatives-give-them-gays-who-will-abuse-them

  86. bbkf said,

    December 5, 2013 at 1:25

    We’ve been found out!

    just when you think the lunacy couldn’t get any loonier, they come up with something like this…

  87. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 5, 2013 at 1:28

    If I’m stealing a kid to abuse you think I’m gonna give it away? Lissen, I’ll give you my stolen kid when you pry it from my cold, dead hands.

  88. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 5, 2013 at 2:21

    OT. Rob Ford documents released a couple days early. Something about heroin and murder. Can’t link now as I am supposed to be keeping Ultra Ninja from taking apart the Xmas tree.

  89. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    December 5, 2013 at 3:07

    White Bronco update.

  90. Reality Checker said,

    December 5, 2013 at 3:18

    I want to give Dowd a copy of The Female Man (Joanna Russ) sometime. I wonder if Page read it and that is what started his male panic.

    It’s a great book, by the way. To bad Joanna Russ didn’t write even more science fiction than she did.

  91. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 5, 2013 at 3:24

    Martin, you took a stupid Sarah Palin remark and made it look like YOUR gaffe. That’s what you get for trying to mud-wrestle with a pig.

  92. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 5, 2013 at 3:54

    I don’t mind getting out of the boat, but I refuse to waste one of my free NYT clicks on Dowd. But it’s hard to believe she actually wrote:

    But, as it turned out, it was a mistake to underestimate a chromosome that had for centuries madly attacked, annexed, enslaved, pillaged, plundered, inseminated and thrust forward to create great art, architecture and literature.

    How can she pack so many layers of stupid into one sentence? I can’t decide what’s more ridiculous: that a chromosome is sentient; that enslaving, pillaging, etc. is the way to create art, architecture and literature; or that she thought any of this was a metaphor that was clever, enlightening, or anything other than crushingly asinine.

  93. Substance McGravitas said,

    December 5, 2013 at 3:54

    Can’t link now as I am supposed to be keeping Ultra Ninja from taking apart the Xmas tree.

    Yet again we see the liberal war on Christmas in action.

  94. Austin Loomis said,

    December 5, 2013 at 4:08

    Bitter Scribe skrev:

    I can’t decide what’s more ridiculous: [...] that she thought

    I agree; it is ridiculous to assert that MoDo “thought” or “thinks” anything.

  95. bbkf said,

    December 5, 2013 at 4:32

    Yet again we see the liberal war on Christmas in action.

    you know, these kids today are delightful…just yesterday a young dishwashing colleague of mine turned me on to probably the worst music video ever…after taking in that delight, imagine my surprise to find out that miss terri, as far out as she is, has created the most offensive war on christmas to date twice!

    she’s also had a minor skirmish with halloween…

  96. Major Kong said,

    December 5, 2013 at 4:48

    Thanks bbkf. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

  97. The Media said,

    December 5, 2013 at 4:49

    Atta GIRL, MoDo!

    Who’s feeding dross down the gullet of our Distractotron™ like a widdle Boss? WHO is? WHO is?

    Good GIRL.
    Here! Have another food-pellet.

  98. bbkf said,

    December 5, 2013 at 4:56

    Thanks bbkf. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

    my penance is a ‘losing you’ earworm…it is catchy, by jove…

  99. Bitter Scribe said,

    December 5, 2013 at 4:57

    OT: If you need a heartwarming holiday experience, amble over to amazon.com and read the reviews of Sarah Palin’s new book, “Good Tidings and Great Joy.” It’s enough to restore your faith in America. Excerpts:

    And what is Sarah Palin’s reaction to first graders being mowed down while their parents were at home wrapping their Christmas presents? “Yeehaw! Guns and tits.” This is the person who’s lecturing you on spirituality.

    Attention whore pimping Jesus for a buck to likeminded backward hillbillies who are too dumb to realize they’re being grifted.

    Our returning soldiers–battered, maimed, wounded in every human way possible, and now, most likely jobless, could not have returned from a more glorious conflict than the War on Christmas.

    This book is so bad that it seems entirely possible that she actually wrote it herself.

    Interesting note: Many of these reviewers gave the book five extremely sarcastic stars, thereby inflating the overall rating. The thought crossed my mind that she or her publisher will try to use that rating as a selling point. But nah, even Palin couldn’t be that cynical.

    I think.

  100. J Neo Marvin said,

    December 5, 2013 at 5:25

    imagine my surprise to find out that miss terri, as far out as she is, has created the most offensive war on christmas to date… twice!

    The answer to the question nobody was asking: “What if the Shaggs had used Pro Tools?”

  101. Fenwick said,

    December 5, 2013 at 6:32

    Atwater tried that shit too. Those kind of people make me hope there is a hell.

    Also Chuck Colson.

  102. Fenwick said,

    December 5, 2013 at 7:06

    Jan Terri explains her art on the Daily Show.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbpMoaJZoxY

  103. Whale Chowder said,

    December 5, 2013 at 8:51

    I don’t get why Obama’s reign is ever-darkening.

    Me either but my dog just sat up and whined. And he’s nearly deaf.

    Also: petting the pocket monkey. Too.

  104. Whale Chowder said,

    December 5, 2013 at 8:58

    That’s what you get for trying to mud-wrestle with a pig.

    Even one with lipstick?

  105. A blind pig said,

    December 5, 2013 at 10:33

    If you keep distracting me I’ll never find that truffle.

  106. not a gator said,

    December 5, 2013 at 11:21

    So what if the Y chromosome evolved itself into non-existence? — the X0 system of sex determination works perfectly well to encode male-ness. Or evolution might choose the ZW system of sex determination. For feck’s sake, this has already happened umpteen times in the course of evolution.

    Naturally Maureen Dowd did not discuss this because it would require having a wisp of a clue what the fuck she was talking about before she starting typing one-handed and hit “send”.

    Not to imply that she writes all of her columns while masturbating furiously–I mean, it just as easily could have been booze in the other hand, I’m sure some days more than others.

  107. not a gator said,

    December 5, 2013 at 11:30

    Also Chuck Colson.

    Aw, shit, I knew I’d heard that name Colson before AVENGERS. Damn, now Agents of SHIELD is going to feel really weird.

    That quoted MoDo sounded like a really bad Camille Paglia mashup. As if she drunk dialed her on background and puked some of her obsessions back up in a watery, almost but sadly not quite unrecognizable hot mess.

  108. boconn13 said,

    December 5, 2013 at 15:02

    “Ah Maureen, go fuck yourself.” [a direct quote from a school chum at good old B.S.]

  109. boconn13 said,

    December 5, 2013 at 15:07

    That’s B.S., Blessed Sacrament, Northampton St., Holyoke, Mass. Thank Zeus I escaped from that hell-hole in third grade.

  110. bughunter said,

    December 5, 2013 at 16:52

    Cattle-ick grade school victims represent!

    St. Rose School and the Sisters of Providence of St Mary in the Woods, Chelsea. I will never ever in my life forget that coven of Hibernian hags.

    Except for one… Sister Halloway in 2nd grade. She musta been a rookie nun cuz she was hot. Hot enough to give a 7 year old boy a little stiffie, anyway… from within her habit.

    Yes, I had my first erotic dream at age seven about a nun.

  111. Captain Ned, H.M.S. The Raging Queen said,

    December 5, 2013 at 17:04

    We don’t allow any women onboard, whether or not they’re hot. We’re a ship of manly men, who engage in athletic competitions, strict discipline, and corporal punishment when the need arises.

  112. Matt said,

    December 5, 2013 at 17:05

    Ms. Dowd talking about anything “thrusting forward” => BONER POISON

  113. Suezboo said,

    December 5, 2013 at 17:09

    12 years at Star of the Sea Convent School, St James, Cape Town.
    Irish Dominicans – I bear the scars to this day.

  114. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    December 5, 2013 at 17:23

    2 years, 1st and 2nd grade, at the local Catholic school here in Bumfucked Your Mother East Gilipin, CA. My parents took me out after they found out the 2nd grade teacher used her aluminum cane on her charges if they misbehaved.

  115. Major Kong said,

    December 5, 2013 at 17:26

    I bear the scars to this day

    Oh dear. My father went to Catholic school back in the 1940s and 1950s. The way he described it the schools were run by “biker nuns”.

  116. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 5, 2013 at 18:08

    I lasted until I grabbed the ruler from the nun’s hand and whacked her knuckles. That was second grade.

  117. bbkf said,

    December 5, 2013 at 18:16

    catholic school stories make me realize just why catholics are so ‘interesting’…

  118. Pupienus Maximus said,

    December 5, 2013 at 18:19

    We don’t allow any women onboard, whether or not they’re hot. We’re a ship of manly men, who engage in athletic competitions, strict discipline, and corporal punishment when the need arises.

    Dang. Can’t find a video of the Martin Mull song.
    Men men men men
    Men men men men

    Wait! http://www.maxilyrics.com/martin-mull-men-lyrics-0f4c.html

  119. bbkf said,

    December 5, 2013 at 18:42

    i forgot all about fernwood tonight…wonder if it’s netflixable…

  120. bbkf said,

    December 5, 2013 at 18:58

    you know, bitch as we might about what a wuss jon stewart can be, and much as i love colbert, this clip just reels me right back in…and i want to show it to alol my fox friends…

  121. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    December 5, 2013 at 19:05

    When I was in kindergarten, I had a piece of petrified wood for show and tell. One of my classmates angered me for the upteenthtime, so I threw the stone and hit him in the temple causing a little bloodshed. To this day I’m not sure why I chose that area, and I’m troubled by the thought that I may have done so influenced by the account of Sisera and his fate at the hands of Jael. Fortunately there was only a bit of bloodshed, and I was sent home for the day.

    Children can be quite violent at the oddest times.

  122. VCarlson said,

    December 5, 2013 at 19:15

    Catholic kindergarten only for me. The only non-public school I ever attended. Not because we were Catlick (we weren’t), but thst was the year Dad had me, and that kindergarten was the only one that could/would coordinate with day care for the rest of the working day. I have no traumatic memories, but they were responsible for me acting right-handed to this day.

  123. The Media said,

    December 5, 2013 at 19:32

    We made Sally Fields fly, ergo your anecdotes are irrelevant.

  124. not a gator said,

    December 5, 2013 at 19:40

    So I will put up a link to a 25-minute YouTube video of Batterstone Castle.

    NERD!!

    But me too, because I am watching avidly. I am just thinking about how castles with all their defenses kinda sucked at, you know, defensery. A self-refutation of libertarian fever dreams.

    Later monarchs built palaces. Hmm, I wonder how that happened….

  125. Whale Chowder said,

    December 5, 2013 at 19:46

    I never did the Catlick school thing but six or eight years of CCD was enough to convince me it was all a bunch of hooey.

    None of the nuns in my town would ever put you in danger of the sin of lust.

  126. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    December 5, 2013 at 20:15

    Henry VIIIs Hampton Court was the McMansion of its’ day, every bedroom had a fireplace so that individual comfort was assured for all inhabitants and guests.

  127. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 5, 2013 at 20:40

    Okay there’s nothing goin’ on tonight. So I will put up a link to a 25-minute YouTube video of Batterstone Castle.

    That’s pretty fuckin’ cool. I especially liked the beheading and the time travelers.

  128. Cerberus said,

    December 5, 2013 at 21:06

    New post.

  129. SychoFANtic Fans of Dr BLT said,

    December 7, 2013 at 1:16

    Some form of evolutionary theory may be viable, one that meaningfully integrates the creationist account and evolution of some form. However, everybody knows that the Darwinian paradigm is about to collapse.

  130. Drew said,

    December 8, 2013 at 17:04

    Nice Red Jumpsuit Apparatus nod.

  131. jgmurphy said,

    December 8, 2013 at 17:24

    As long as science is being buried under an avalanche of anecdotal bilge, let me add my own totally un-technical take to the discussion. The extinction of males is neither likely nor probable. Why?

    Let me sum it up: I CAN change a tire, but I’d rather not.

  132. address my envelope, lips! said,

    December 8, 2013 at 21:36

    The extinction of males is neither likely nor probable. Why?

    And backrubs.

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