Nov
26

The Blood Sacrifices Can’t Fail, They Can Only Be Failed




Posted at 3:38 by Cerberus

Wait, blood sacrifices… ohhhhh, oh (/Cabin in the Woods)

Mark Steyn, National Klansman:
Knockouts High and Low

Obamacare, Obamacare… And might I also note that it isn’t even fresh takes on Obamacare. It’s not oh hey, did our last bullshit not work, let’s try a new smearing of shit. Nope, it’s just a bunch of old tired fucks looking at history relegating their political party to the same dustbin that houses the Whigs and trying to yell the same three or four falsehoods as loud as they can in the hope of making reality scratch its chin and go “you know, maybe I’ve been a little harsh, you make a good point there random crazy fuck”.

Oh, are you still unable to grasp the concept that acquiring health care isn’t just a matter of putting your latest trophy wife’s elective botox injection in your Amazon cart and clicking checkout? Or that your many years of demagoguing about the eeeeeevils of people getting services they don’t actually qualify for means that there’s a lot of checks and double checks that are federally mandated before they can sign anyone up for these services?

Well gosh, I guess you win and nobody ever needs health care ever again. It’s just so utterly mind-numbingly-

Wait, is that? It couldn’t be. Could it?

Is that a single fucking post that’s finally not about goddamn Obamacare?

Hallelujah, strike up the chorus and let’s get this angel orgy started. At long last, it seems like that even the endless stamina of right-wing psychos and paid hacks might be running out on this repetitive horseshit and we might start getting some new crazy to replenish our poor neglected swamp.

So what’s this one about anyways?

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • So as part of our plan to retroactively justify us gleefully celebrating the modern lynching of an unarmed black teenager by a man who has turned out to be just the violent fuck he appeared to be at first, we’ve decided to start just straight up ripping off racist conspiracies from Stormfront in the hopes of convincing our octagenarian racist white base to view black teenagers as animalistic murderers who kill defenseless old white people LIKE YOU for FUN! DUN DUN DUN! Seriously, though, this is your out for wanting to bring back lynching as your method of coping to the fact that you’re not going to erase the existence of a black president.

Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhh……

Oh hey, is that another completely different post that’s not about Obamacare? Let’s do that one instead*!

Paid AEI Propagandist James Pethokoukis, National Revisionist History is a good sign of neo-nazi influences Cool:
Stop Blaming ‘Market Failure’

Ok, crossing my fingers on this one and…

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • Market Forces can’t be failed, they can only be failed!

Woot, I can work with this!

Even as the American economy continues to struggle in the Great Recession’s aftermath, Americans continue to blame President George W. Bush and the Republicans for causing the worst economic catastrophe since the Great Depression.

Because they did.

It’s an understandable conclusion. The downturn began on the GOP’s watch.

Yes, immediately after they basically looted the entire government in order to “jump start” the economy by creating a lost generation of new workers and making 11+% unemployment and somewhere around 20+% underemployment the new normal by blocking any attempt to undo this shit.

Which, on that note, this is also why people don’t seem to be buying the “debt” con anymore, seeing as how it’s pretty fucking obvious that you loot the economy specifically so you can argue for eliminating any government service that doesn’t funnel money to already rich fucks who don’t need it in the name of “fixing the debt” that you didn’t care about when you were running this shit with an iron fist.

But yeah, leaving aside the way you fucks just can’t handle even a slight bit of personal responsibility for your successes in ruining the global economy, let me just note that that doesn’t actually mean the rest of us will play along with your delusions and pretend that the guy with his jeans around his ankles and squatting over the punch bowl with a growner still crowning isn’t the guy who shat at the party.

And even though Wall Street as a bastion of Republicanism is a political anachronism,

Ha ha ha ha! Oh wow, and they say that conservatives don’t have a sense of humor. That was pure fucking gol-

Oh, you were serious. My apologies. So, this bit of hilarious delusion is true because… you’ve finally learned to be embarrassed by the trust-fund parasites who’ve demanded that everybody else fund their gambling habit by pretending their favorite casino is a stand-in for the actual economy where goods and our services are sold for mad cash?

Well, congratu-fucking-lations on being the last one across the finish line, but we seem to be all out of Participation Ribbons. Maybe you should ask for one from the fuckheads you’ve been gleefully sucking off for the last 100 years or maybe just stop stroking his dick while you’re trying to pretend you’ve never had a sexual relationship.

Seriously, do these paid hacks really think they are going to convince everyone that it’s the liberals who are pro-Wall-Street?

many voters blame the housing bubble on an under-regulated financial sector whose unchecked greed eventually led to its own near demise — and then a bailout by Republican friends.

Which is hilarious, because that’s so utterly, unbelievably… accurate. It’s completely accurate… uh, look over there, scary Big Government liberals come to give money to black people!

A “market failure” led to the financial crisis and the Great Recession, say Democrats, proving once again that we need big, intrusive government.

Grrr. Government scary. Government keeps bridges from collapsing. Er, I mean, communists in the trees and scary scary making sure the fucked up Health Insurance Industry can’t legally rip you off anymore and…

Ungh. Wadda you mean the propaganda train has reached its station and it’s time to get off? I don wanna leave! No! You can’t make me! MOMMMEEEEE!

When Republicans now and in the future call for lower taxes and smaller government, Democrats have an easy counter: “We tried that with Bush in the 2000s. And look how that turned out.”

Because you were given full carte blanche without interference to pass the wishlist you always wanted and prove your horseshit. In fact, you’ve been given endless blank checks since 1980. In multiple countries in point of fact.

And every last fucking time, it’s ended with the country being gutted, the divide between rich and poor exploding, and as a final fuck you cherry on this shit sundae, a complete collapse of the economy because it turns out when you design something for a consumer economy to buy overpriced garbage, you kind of need to pay the proles enough to buy the crap.

Again, if you don’t like having to live with the consequences of the complete bankruptcy of your economic philosophy (by which I mean, it’s tendency to cause bankruptcies, I think we both know that this shit is working exactly as intended), you should fucking stop promoting it.

I know you want infinite resets so you can run this scam as much as you want, but you’re finding out, like any other sidewalk conman that you gotta refresh the game once the rubes catch on.

Sorry, dudes, I know you are allergic, but it just might be unavoidable that you’re going to have to actually do some fucking work for once in your goddamn lives**.

Republicans and conservatives heard much the same for decades after the Great Depression as the Left blamed the downturn on Wall Street speculators and unfettered markets.

So yeah, this isn’t the first fucking time that given us full unfettered access to your economy has produced a massive Depression. So I guess we should probably attempt some historical revisionism to start undoing these black marks before we begin Reagan Scam 2.0.

That explanation helped provide a rationale for the New Deal and decades of government intrusion afterward. To this day, many Americans think the Great Depression was caused by the excesses of the Roaring Twenties.

Because it was.

Again, you are complaining that despite all your best efforts to defund education to the point that everyone remains the perfect mark forever, history exists as a permanent monument to your misdeeds.

Which, to be fair, I can’t begrudge you thinking that, seeing as how you’ve successfully maneuvered us into literally repeating that shameful history, right down to the following president to the crisis not doing enough to commit to Keynesian economics and undoing the damage.

But still, I don’t think this bit of historical revisionism is going to convince anyone other than the die-hard 27%ers who, let’s be frankly honest, would rip out their own teeth and melt them into a “nourishing” gruel if you told them Jesus wanted them to do it.

Once again, I think you’re going to have to accept the consequences of your successes. You’re not actually space wizards, reality doesn’t bend and twist to your will.

Well, many Americans who aren’t economists think that.

And you wonder why “economists” (and let’s not be coy and pretend you mean anything other than Shock Doctrine Chicago School “economists” here) currently have the same reputation as that slimy used car salesman who is also running a creepy polygamist cult when he’s not dealing meth to school children.

The economic consensus today, thanks to the work of Milton Friedman and collaborator Anna Schwartz, is that monetary-policy failures by the Federal Reserve caused the Great Depression.

If we say it with a bunch of authority as if this was a settled reality and not the wishful thinking of a handful of paid AEI hacks, then that makes it true, right? Right? Please stop believing in history.

And had we not suffered through the hard times, as former Fed economist Michael Bordo has written, “we might not have had World War II, Keynesian economics, and the Great Inflation.” No Great Depression, no New Deal.

Yeah, here’s kind of an important detail you conspiracy theorists seem to miss, but um… there’s still the little problem of the economic theory you are panning actually performing the task it set out to accomplish. Unlike yours.

So let’s say that you’re right. Nazi space aliens using time traveling mind control powers and the invisible hand of the Illuminati manages to keep sabotaging your infinite tax cuts for the rich scam just at the moment that greedy rich assholes were planning on risking their financial penis substitute paying everyone (by which we of course only mean white hetero cisgender men, because let’s be honest, those are the only people you consider to be human) infinite money and blowjobs.

You still have the problem that the thing you said couldn’t possibly work, because government can’t create jobs, totally created the jobs it said it would and fixed the damage that the Shadow Proclamation caused with its Wibbley-Wobbly-Timey-Wimey stuff.

And if you try to continue the conspiracy, you still end up at the point that neither seems to be as powerful as this hidden conspiracy so maybe we should stop listening to you, seeing as how you can’t even manage to defeat a made-up conspiracy.

Just saying “it’s a conspiracy” isn’t actually an instant win button of argument affirmative action. You kinda have to prove how you are better than the alternative. With real world data.

I know, I know, if I was you, I would take the cyanide capsule too.

In 2002 Ben Bernanke, then a Fed governor,

Yesssss, put into place to be a rubber stamp for conservative economic wishlists. That’s what happens when you put true bewievers in charge of shit that matters. It all falls apart!

Also, really? You’re trying to stretch the fucking Federal Reserve into a super scary conspiracy arm of the vast government conspiracy? Bitch, please.

told Friedman and Schwartz: “You’re right, we did it. We’re very sorry. But thanks to you, we won’t do it again.” But the Fed almost did do it again — and it has been awfully kind of the GOP not to point it out. Robert Hetzel, however, has. The Richmond Fed economist and Friedman devotee argues that the housing decline and sharp rise in energy prices were enough to cause a moderate recession beginning in late 2007 — a downturn, not a disaster-of-the-century.

You had ONE job. Trying to pretend that Bernanke wasn’t a Friedman stooge long enough to sell Friedman as the “new” savior of the economy. And you fucked it up! PROPAGANDA FAIL!

Sorry, but if you’re not even going to care enough about your self-serving historically revisionist bullshit, then I don’t know why you expect the rest of us too.

I say, GOOD DAY, SIR!


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. So it turns out the Obamacare exchange health plan I’m currently looking to qualify for actually covers some trans shit, which is hella baller. I’m hoping a recent interview will make that moot, but yeah, that’s sexy as all fuck. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*If you’re so curious about what it would have been in longer, just imagine an endless loop of me alternating between going “cool story, bro” at all the made-up never-happened IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION horseshit attempts to make one or two incidents that didn’t even happen the way they said they did completely replace the hundreds to thousands of incidents where an unarmed black male has been killed by a “vigilante” often with the vigilante receiving no or reduced sentences” and just ranting about the bald-faced way they are trying to retroactively justify gleefully supporting mother fucking lynching, oh my Bob I hate these people so fucking much”. Needless to say, for the sake of my blood pressure, I’m just going to leave this bullshit welllll enough alone.

**I don’t need ample historic evidence to demonstrate Marx’s theorem that the fruit of labor is stolen by the parasites of management who wants all the gain for none of the work. I can just point to the actions and arguments of those who purport to disprove it.

108 Comments »

  1. VCarlson said,

    November 26, 2013 at 3:56

    But what about the punching (or whatever it is) game?

  2. CSB said,

    November 26, 2013 at 4:08

    “Seriously, is there anybody on the planet with a more punchable face than Mark fucking Steyn?”

    Sean Hannity.

  3. Major Kong said,

    November 26, 2013 at 5:30

    Supposedly there is a saying in German that translates to “The face that begs for a fist in it.”

  4. Shakezula said,

    November 26, 2013 at 5:54

    VC – That was the first one.

    It is amusing to see how desperate they are to blame economic kablooies on Time Travelin’ Barack Hitler Obama.

    The problem for the modern day GOP lickspittle is that the GOP refuses to act even a little bit reasonable, ever. And people who are paying enough attention to realize the economy is in trouble see this nonsense and are like “No, I don’t think we want these people to run the show.”

  5. VCarlson said,

    November 26, 2013 at 6:06

    And people who are paying enough attention to realize the economy is in trouble see this nonsense and are like “No, I don’t think we want these people to run the show.”

    So the real trick is to get enough peooke paying attention – and not saying “Nah – couldn’t be.”

    VC – That was the first one.

    Every other time I thought I might be first, I’d refresh and find someone else had already posted – minutes3s before I first opened the page. So imagine my surprise …

  6. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 26, 2013 at 6:12

    The Hungarians have an expression that translates into English as “Mound of Asshat”. That would work for him or the latest spirochet/essay from VD Hanson.

  7. Provider_UNE said,

    November 26, 2013 at 14:17

    …silly libs.

    Watch out for that spark Eugene. Anyone using the previous construction is obviously in possession of a thousand hats that remarkably look like butcheeks and is surrounded by a plethora of a virtual straw forest of their own making.

    “…demand side economics.” Wigger, please.

  8. Provider_UNE said,

    November 26, 2013 at 14:32

    …with a growner still crowning isn’t the guy who shat at the party.

    Laughing out loud in a starbucks even. Generally I have more restraint. You bring me back in time Cerb, when I hung out with a crew of sick fucks (brilliant, every last one of them) who could freakishly goof on all manner of Reaganite/Bushian1 perfidy. I feel lucky to have enjoyed such rooms before the internet, or actually before Mosaic was a going concern…

  9. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 26, 2013 at 14:47

    Wait. Did dude actually claim the existence of consensus amongst economists?

    That’s a pretty impressive feat, argument from imaginary authority. I would rate it slightly lower than The Chewbacca Defense.

  10. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 26, 2013 at 16:38

    Supposedly there is a saying in German that translates to “The face that begs for a fist in it.”

    The word is backpfeifengesicht.

  11. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 26, 2013 at 16:39

    Doh. tagfail.

  12. Matt said,

    November 26, 2013 at 16:51

    Seems like we could really solve several problems *and* do a convincing experiment to finally sort out whether RW economics is legit: form a new state called “Dumbfuckistan” and let these yahoos run it for a while.

    - Make the default response to RW loonery be “GTFO to Dumbfuckistan”.
    - Want to beat your infants with plastic tubing for JEEBUS? GTFO, Dumbfuckistan.
    - Think that we should feed the homeless to the hungry? See above.
    - Insist on your GAWD-GIVEN right to die because you can’t afford healthcare? See above.
    - Think your limited-liability corporation gets to have “deeply-held religious views”? SEE ABOVE.

    Mind you, it’ll need a fence – a BIG fence, for the inevitable day when the 27% of the 27% of the 27% gets all hopped-up on meth and skull-fucks the entire rest of the population to death while reciting the entire John Galt speech and then starts looking for MOAR.

    Then again, we already have Texas. ;)

  13. histrogeek said,

    November 26, 2013 at 16:55

    Nasty tricksy government. Sure the Secretary of the Treasury was the man who literally coined the term “trickle down,” but secretly Hoover and Mellon were secretly planning to bring about SOCIALISM (cue ominous music) by the cunning use of the Federal Reserve.
    I suspect that if Uncle Milt’s surname were Jones rather than Friedman (shame of my alma mater, well one of them anyway), he’d be pointing out the ethnic background of the Fed chairmen of that time (Hint: they weren’t Latinos. Or Asian. No more hints for you.) as part of the big bad government conspiracy.

  14. Chris said,

    November 26, 2013 at 17:23

    The economic consensus today, thanks to the work of Milton Friedman and collaborator Anna Schwartz, is that monetary-policy failures by the Federal Reserve caused the Great Depression.

    Are those the same economists who said that Obama’s stimulus would cause the mother of all inflations? That austerity in European countries would put their economies back on track instead of making them worse? That the housing bubble wasn’t worth worrying about and anyone who said otherwise was an alarmist? That Bush’s tax cuts totally wouldn’t destroy the surplus we built up during the nineties? That a rising tide would lift all boats in Latin America and that “shock therapy” no-strings-attached privatization in Russia would totally not lead to massive crime and corruption because it’s okay, you can trust them, they’re businessmen? That banking deregulation in the eighties totally wouldn’t lead to the crisis that happened at the end of the decade?

  15. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 26, 2013 at 17:53

    No ‘trickle-down theory’ has ever existed among Treasury Secretaries. Or economists.

    David Stockman believed in it, only he was foolish enough to admit that it was the same thing as “supply-side economics”.

  16. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:13

    Stockman didn’t coin it, propose it, or advocate it as an economic theory, DA.

    Stockman’s influence within the Reagan Administration decreased after the Atlantic Monthly magazine published the infamous 18,246 word article, “The Education of David Stockman”,[7] in its December 1981 issue, based on lengthy interviews Stockman gave to reporter William Greider. The White House’s public relations team thereafter attempted to limit the article’s damage to Reagan’s perceived fiscal-leadership skills. Stockman was quoted as referring to Reagan’s tax act as: “I mean, Kemp-Roth [Reagan's 1981 tax cut] was always a Trojan horse to bring down the top rate…. It’s kind of hard to sell ‘trickle down.’ So the supply-side formula was the only way to get a tax policy that was really ‘trickle down.’ Supply-side is ‘trickle-down’ theory.”[7] Of the budget process during his first year on the job, Stockman was quoted as saying: “None of us really understands what’s going on with all these numbers,” which was used as the subtitle of the article.[7]

    “So the supply-side formula was the only way to get a tax policy that was really ‘trickle down.’ Supply-side is ‘trickle-down’ theory.”

    Yep, he never advocated trickle-down, he merely called it “Supply-side economics”.

    This is your mind on Conservatism. Any questions?

  17. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:20

    Benghazi!

  18. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:23

    No one in the Reagan administration has ever been quoted as having advocated a trickle down theory.

    “I mean, Kemp-Roth [Reagan's 1981 tax cut] was always a Trojan horse to bring down the top rate…. It’s kind of hard to sell ‘trickle down.’ So the supply-side formula was the only way to get a tax policy that was really ‘trickle down.’ Supply-side is ‘trickle-down’ theory.”[7]

  19. tsam said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:26

    Are those the same economists who said that Obama’s stimulus would cause the mother of all inflations? That austerity in European countries would put their economies back on track instead of making them worse? That the housing bubble wasn’t worth worrying about and anyone who said otherwise was an alarmist? That Bush’s tax cuts totally wouldn’t destroy the surplus we built up during the nineties? That a rising tide would lift all boats in Latin America and that “shock therapy” no-strings-attached privatization in Russia would totally not lead to massive crime and corruption because it’s okay, you can trust them, they’re businessmen? That banking deregulation in the eighties totally wouldn’t lead to the crisis that happened at the end of the decade?

    Yeah. That be them.

    Trouble is, it makes a good intuitive argument to people who don’t know jack shit about economics.

  20. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:32

    Trouble is, it makes a good intuitive argument to people who don’t know jack shit about economics.

    Sadly this group seems to include a lot of economists.

  21. Chris said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:41

    Trouble is, it makes a good intuitive argument to people who don’t know jack shit about economics.

    The thing that gets me is, you don’t even need to know economics. You just need to know history.

    I’m no economist. I have no idea how all these things worked when run through their theoretical models, and for all I know they made lots of sense at the time. But I don’t need to know that; all I need to know is crack open a history book and look at where those ideas were applied, and what happened next. Did people get richer? Did unemployment go down? Were there fewer economic crises? If the models didn’t deliver what was promised, then the models are fucked up (especially if there are different models that did deliver on their promises). That really is all you need to know.

  22. tsam said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:47

    You just need to know history.

    LOL.

    Yeah, that helps. But in a country where we still teach children that Columbus discovered America in 1492….yeah, not so much.

    It’s also an intuitive argument to state that the government spending money on projects and innovation ALWAYS stimulates the economy and puts working people to work. (Like that GIANT dam 100 miles from my home. Roosevelt project in 1932)

    The fact that regulations are adopted by the government are a response to a problem, not simply onerous restrictions or tyranny is an intuitive argument.

    Minimum standards of wage and benefits, regulations and equal taxation levels the playing field for businesses and promotes healthy competition rather than predatory competition. That’s intuitive.

    National health care systems that get the cost of health insurance off the balance sheets of small businesses is a good thing–intuitive…

    But you’re forgetting that about half the people in this country are hopelessly stupid and ignorant to history, math, science, reading and critical thinking.

  23. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 18:53

    Paul Krugman wrote a great article explaining that the Austrian school proponents were fans not because the economics made sense but because the economics fit their political ideology.

    Can’t be arsed &c.

  24. Some guy said,

    November 26, 2013 at 19:36

    Economist: someone who does not the have the personality to be an accountant.

    (… and is not honest enough to be a lawyer.)

  25. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 26, 2013 at 19:49

    I dunno if this is the one you were referencing, but even if it isn’t, the snark is strong in this one:

    Substance aside — not that substance isn’t important — Austrian economics very much has the psychology of a cult. Its devotees believe that they have access to a truth that generations of mainstream economists have somehow failed to discern; they go wild at any suggestion that maybe they’re the ones who have an intellectual blind spot. And as with all cults, the failure of prophecy — in this case, the prophecy of soaring inflation from deficits and monetary expansion — only strengthens the determination of the faithful to uphold the faith.

    It would be sort of funny if it weren’t for the fact that this cult has large influence within the GOP.

  26. Pupienus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 19:50

    PENIS disproves biblical creation account.

  27. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2013 at 19:50

    Just ’cause I’m a kind and gentle snob, I fixed everybody’s tagfails.

  28. Pupienus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 19:51

    That’s not the one I was thinking of but it’s apt for present purposes.

  29. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2013 at 19:53

    Sadly this group seems to include a lot of almost all economists.

    FTFY.

  30. Pupienus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 19:55

    Found it.

    Things That Never Happened In The History Of Macroeconomics

    Via Mark Thoma, David Warsh finally says what someone needed to say: Friedrich Hayek is not an important figure in the history of macroeconomics.

    These days, you constantly see articles that make it seem as if there was a great debate in the 1930s between Keynes and Hayek, and that this debate has continued through the generations. As Warsh says, nothing like this happened. Hayek essentially made a fool of himself early in the Great Depression, and his ideas vanished from the professional discussion.

    So why is his name invoked so much now? Because The Road to Serfdom struck a political chord with the American right, which adopted Hayek as a sort of mascot — and retroactively inflated his role as an economic thinker. Warsh is even crueler about this than I would have been; he compares Hayek (or rather the “Hayek” invented by his admirers) to Rosie Ruiz, who claimed to have won the marathon, but actually took the subway to the finish line.

    Now, given my criticisms of where macro has gone since the 1970s, I of all people should be careful to say that ideas ignored or rejected by the professional mainstream aren’t necessarily without value. To take the most obvious example, Hyman Minsky now looms large in many peoples’ thinking, my own included, even though he died a very marginal figure.

    But the Hayek thing is almost entirely about politics rather than economics. Without The Road To Serfdom — and the way that book was used by vested interests to oppose the welfare state — nobody would be talking about his business cycle ideas.

  31. Some guy said,

    November 26, 2013 at 20:15

    I don’t often say this, but WTF! I’m just going to go ahead and say it—- THREE CHEERS FOR THE POPE!

    http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/11/26/1258472/-Pope-Francis-Unfettered-Capitalism-Is-Tyranny-Says-That-Economic-Inequality-Kills

  32. VCarlson said,

    November 26, 2013 at 20:47

    From Pup’s PENIS link:

    And the phallus is not the first such find from the ancient world. A Stone Age carving that scientists said looked like an “ancient dildo” was unearthed in Sweden a few years ago. However, that item may have had a more innocent purpose as a flint-carving tool, researchers speculated.

    Why is a flint-carving tool automatically “more innocent,” anyway, huh?

    Teh seks is a pretty basic part of life (like essential), after all. The Victorians have a lot to answer for.

  33. tsam said,

    November 26, 2013 at 20:56

    I can carve flint with my boner.

  34. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:01

    I can carve flint with my boner.

    That escalated quickly.

  35. J Neo Marvin said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:06

    When Republicans now and in the future call for lower taxes and smaller government, Democrats have an easy counter: “We tried that with Bush in the 2000s. And look how that turned out.”

    “Uh-oh, they have us now, what do we say in response?”
    “Mumble mumble mumble Federal Reserve mumble mumble something about ‘monetary policy’, abracadabra, and Q.E.D., motherfuckers!”
    “Genius! It’s good to be a member of the Party Of Ideas!”

  36. J Neo Marvin said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:13

    Obamacare Cultist said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:10

    Dear Wingnut Thanksgiving Forum, I never thought this would happen to me, but…

  37. Bitter Scribe said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:23

    “Your Honor, many Americans think that my driving into that lamppost was caused by my getting drunk off my ass. Well, many Americans who aren’t my defense attorney think that.”

  38. Pupienus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:29

    I can carve flint with my boner.

    Who is this Flint? Do I know him?

  39. St. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:45

    In Like Flint

  40. Some guy said,

    November 26, 2013 at 21:50

    Walmart shows true Thanksgiving spirit— holds food drive for its own underpaid employees!

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/18/walmart-food-drive_n_4296618.html

    Mark Steyn would be appalled… Why don’t these useless employees do us all a favour and just drop dead?

  41. El Manquécito said,

    November 26, 2013 at 22:00

    I can carve flint with my boner.

    That’s gonna chert.

  42. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 26, 2013 at 22:00

    Oooops, left the halo on.

    And in other news PENIS

  43. tsam said,

    November 26, 2013 at 22:06

    Who is this Flint? Do I know him?

    $100 and an 8 ball will get you an introduction.

  44. Smut Clyde said,

    November 26, 2013 at 22:33

    That’s gonna chert.
    Gabbro gabbro hey!

  45. Major Kong said,

    November 26, 2013 at 22:42

    I can carve flint with my boner.

    Might as well chop down some firewood while you’re at it.

  46. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 26, 2013 at 23:48

    I need to learn how to carve flint. I figure it will be a useful skill once this computer fad blows over.

  47. VCarlson said,

    November 26, 2013 at 23:51

    Does anyone else have a problem with the commercial where the baseball goes through the guy’s window

    That one and the treehouse one both strike me as being about really rich er, people who don’t seem to give much thought to the workd around them.

    Welcome back to the gilded age, I guess.

  48. Suezboo said,

    November 26, 2013 at 23:57

    As the Actual Topic fades gently from view, stand by for a Special Kids Today Rant. As per convention, it starts : In the Good Old Days (TM) when the Interwebs were young :
    1. Google did searches
    2. Yahoo did email
    3. YouTube did vids
    4. Amazon sold stuff
    5. Facebook sent your message out there.
    Everybody knew their place, dagnabbit, and it all worked just fine.
    Nowadays, they all want to be media giants and they are all so connected that it takes forever to load with all the connections and you are bombarded with messages from one on the other.
    IT guys, just because you CAN, does not mean you SHOULD.
    This has been a Message from a Luddite Crone.

  49. tigris said,

    November 27, 2013 at 0:09

    I need to learn how to carve flint. I figure it will be a useful skill once this computer fad blows over.

    Alas for those of us without boners with which to carve it!

  50. tsam said,

    November 27, 2013 at 0:13

    Alas for those of us without boners with which to carve it!

    Cold air, shirt off, you have a pair of tools that can cut glass.

  51. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2013 at 0:30

    What’s the coverage like for carved flint? Does it get comparable download speeds to LTE? Also, can I move my Monster Pet Shop over?

  52. Some guy said,

    November 27, 2013 at 0:47

    When Republicans now and in the future call for lower taxes and smaller government, Democrats have an easy counter: “We tried that with Bush in the 2000s. And look how that turned out.”

    “Uh-oh, they have us now, what do we say in response?”

    “How about— ‘why do you guys always want to talk about this ‘Bush’ fellow? who the heck was he, anyway?’”

  53. Shakezula said,

    November 27, 2013 at 1:04

    ‘why do you guys always want to talk about this ‘Bush’ fellow? who the heck was he, anyway?

    I thought the official line was that Bush was a stealth liberal and anyway, they didn’t really like him and just voted out of party loyalty.

  54. Major Kong said,

    November 27, 2013 at 1:13

    Alas for those of us without boners with which to carve it!

    What’s the old joke where the girls says to the boy “I have one of these, so I can get as many of those as I want.”

  55. Smut Clyde said,

    November 27, 2013 at 1:39

    I need to learn how to carve flint.
    Flint knapping is easier.
    This is where you sneak around to your neighbours’ place and steal their flints.

    Because The Road to Serfdom struck a political chord with the American right
    Speaking of “predictions which fail abjectly without reducing the popularity of the guy who made the prediction”, how’s that whole return-to-serfdom thing progressing in the UK and across Northern Europe?

  56. Failure Artist said,

    November 27, 2013 at 1:43

    A guy on tumblr actually said he’s glad there are no trans* activists over 25 and most of the white teenage girls on tumblr will grow out of it.

    Fucking tumblr.

  57. Pupienus said,

    November 27, 2013 at 2:19

    What’s the old joke where the girls says to the boy “I have one of these, so I can get as many of those as I want.”

    Clarissa Dickson Wright, one of the Fat Ladies, told a great story about an exceedingly beautiful young woman who was courted heavily. One gentleman said he’d like to buy her a gift and asked what she would like. “A silver pocket knife,” she replied. He explained that money was no object, really he’d buy her anything she wanted. “A silver pocket knife,”was again her reply.

    He sighed and went off to buy a silver pocket knife. When he presented the gift to her she thanked him greatly. She then opened a drawer and added the knife to the large pile of silver pocket knives already there. “I’ll give you anything you want! Why ask for something you already have?” She smile coyly. “I am young and beautiful now but some day I willbe old and saggy and I know what a boy scout will do for a silver pocket knife.”

  58. Hoosier X said,

    November 27, 2013 at 2:24

    Economics is the social science that thinks it’s physics.

  59. Major Kong said,

    November 27, 2013 at 3:10

    how’s that whole return-to-serfdom thing progressing in the UK and across Northern Europe?

    Serf’s up!

  60. El Manquécito said,

    November 27, 2013 at 3:20

    Everbody’s serfin’ now.

  61. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2013 at 3:44

    Dunno if the Major has seen this. Those B-52′s are still alive and kickin’ in the headlines…

    http://thinkprogress.org/security/2013/11/26/2996981/52s-china-japan/

  62. Major Kong said,

    November 27, 2013 at 4:07

    I saw that Fenwick.

    They have no plans to retire that aircraft any time in the near future. I’ve heard that they’ll be around until at least 2030 and possibly 2040.

  63. Whale Chowder said,

    November 27, 2013 at 4:10

    The Road to Serfdom

    Admittedly one of the lesser-regarded Hope-Crosby films.

  64. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2013 at 4:15

    about half the people in this country are hopelessly stupid and ignorant to history, math, science, reading and critical thinking.

    I’d make an estimate closer to 27%.

  65. Pupienus said,

    November 27, 2013 at 4:18

    Trickle down economics is when you peon the serfs.

  66. Chris said,

    November 27, 2013 at 5:13

    Wonder if those planes will actually make it to the century mark. Wouldn’t be surprised.

  67. VCarlson said,

    November 27, 2013 at 5:26

    Trickle down economics is when you peon the serfs.

    I am so stealing that.

  68. Freedom Based Values said,

    November 27, 2013 at 6:02

    The POPE is POOP, just like HILTER for saying those who worked hard should give there earnings to the lazy and indignant!

  69. Freedom Based Values said,

    November 27, 2013 at 6:09

    hey LIEBERALS, TAKERS! the MAKERS wanna have a word with you — stop deniggrating them and be happy for what youve got, cause with no job creators there are no jobs so SHUT UP

  70. Shakezula said,

    November 27, 2013 at 6:18

    “I have one of these, so I can get as many of those as I want.”

    But sometimes they can be hard to locate.

  71. bughunter said,

    November 27, 2013 at 7:16

    angel orgy

    I’l be taking that one to my bunk.*

    that slimy used car salesman who is also running a creepy polygamist cult when he’s not dealing meth to school children

    Elevator pitch for the next Lifetime Television mega-hit.

    if you don’t like having to live with the consequences of the complete bankruptcy of your economic philosophy

    Oh they fucking love it. The result of the latest epic crisis is that the kleptocrats who owned most the country now own nearly all of it. They just keep their wannabe hangers on in the echo chamber hating and complaining in order to distract the 27%.

    __
    * Interestingly, GIS results for ‘angel orgy’ are more pornographically diverse than I expected.

  72. Cerberus said,

    November 27, 2013 at 9:30

    Failure Artist-

    (looks down at self)

    Uhhhhhh….

  73. Failure Artist said,

    November 27, 2013 at 15:44

    The tumblr idiot clarified he meant transgender people are faking teenagers and transexual people are real, defined by if you are getting surgery or not. He offered to give examples of transgender people saying they hadn’t thought about transgenderism until someone expressed opinions on it and I took him up on it. Probably all examples will be from tumblr.

  74. El Manquécito said,

    November 27, 2013 at 15:47

    Troll seems unclear on what ‘poll dancing’ is. Farking homonyms, how do they work?

  75. Gary Ruppert said,

    November 27, 2013 at 15:48

    The fact is, Palin is smarter than most Americans, she just isn’t arrogant like liberals who think they are smarter act. Also, she is with God and liberals are against God and Morality, so they lose with Real America.

  76. Failure Artist said,

    November 27, 2013 at 15:58

    If you go by tumblr, there are no activists for anything over the age of 25.

  77. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 27, 2013 at 16:10

    Face it, Sarah is an aging grifter. You still have Elizabeth Hasselbeck on Fox, her hubby is a football player, those two factors mean you should have no problem getting “Tiny Pennis” up and jerking it off when she’s on the TeeVee.

  78. Gary Ruppert said,

    November 27, 2013 at 19:41

    the fact is, obama is worse trhan hitler.

  79. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2013 at 20:17

    zomg! – Well, this year we are considering actually commissioning the actual statuette and bestowing it in person to the winner of the Best Scandal – General Interest.

    Advance warning for Talking Pants Marshall – our mayor has been known to call 911 in similar situations.

  80. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2013 at 20:32

    Speaking of White Bronco, yet another search warrant document dump scheduled for next week.

  81. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 27, 2013 at 20:36

    Happy Thanksgiving, grateful ones!

  82. Cerberus said,

    November 27, 2013 at 21:12

    Failure Artist-

    Ah, that Harry Benjamin shit. Also, I imagine its very common that trans* people or, fuck, any identity in which you have to come out as that identity often has an inciting incident that punches through their self-denial. It’s just how that shit works.

    You start ranting at some idiot and it shakes something loose where you go from, “I’m defending a friend” to “I’m defending me”. Or you read a book about the subject and you’re realizing its describing your own experience or you stumble on your first public mention of the subject.

    And that’s before factoring coming out. I imagine a fuck-ton of a lot of people come out to different groups in the midst of an argument. You’re already thinking about it, but haven’t decided to be public yet and then here’s this idiot and fuck it, I’m coming out so idiots like this can’t hold these beliefs. I know I came out to my parents in the midst of some dumb argument about women in the sciences.

    In short, dumb ass tumblr idjit is even dumber.

  83. Fenwick said,

    November 27, 2013 at 21:25

    C’mon, DA. Stop feeding the troll please. Your interwebs friend, Fenwick.

  84. Pupienus said,

    November 27, 2013 at 21:28

    Seconded. You were warned about it before. Take heed.

  85. The Dark God of Time AKA DA® said,

    November 27, 2013 at 21:37

    k, ty.

  86. Major Kong said,

    November 27, 2013 at 22:19

    If you keep feeding the trolls, they’ll lose the ability to forage for themselves in the wild. It’s for their own good.

  87. El Manquécito said,

    November 27, 2013 at 22:48

    He’s been warned enough. A pox on both their houses.

  88. The Dark God of Time AKA DA® said,

    November 27, 2013 at 22:49

    I’ll take cowpox, if you please.

  89. jim the heretical anti-cliff lemming said,

    November 27, 2013 at 22:53

    Young Gun™ Eric Cantor brings forth a bold & cunning plan for 2014!

    Be afraid, libs … be VERY afraid.

    (in before “Seriously? It took them five years to come up with this?!?”)

  90. tsam said,

    November 27, 2013 at 22:59

    House GOP 2014 agenda starts with blank slate

    At first I was all like “does that mean they’re going to STFU and GTFO”? And then I was all like “I doubt it, it really means they got nothing” And then I was sad because I think they should STFU and GTFO.

  91. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2013 at 23:02

    Gawker’s Thanksgiving post.

  92. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 27, 2013 at 23:10

    House GOP 2014 agenda starts with blank slate

    It is refreshing that they can finally admit that they are completely out of ideas. That said, I think we all know how this is going to turn out. Teh GOP policy guys are pitting “a spike in energy costs, job training programs and education reform” versus “repeal Obamacare and cut taxes (for the extremely wealthy)”.

  93. Failure Artist said,

    November 27, 2013 at 23:56

    The tumblr guy is also mistaking increased visibility with increased numbers.

    What is the difference between transgender and transexual? I was under the impression transgender was the umbrella term and transexual is one type of transgender idenity.

    (I think I read somewhere on the tumblr guy’s site he’s a guy. Would be ironic if I got that wrong.)

  94. Cerberus said,

    November 28, 2013 at 2:58

    Failure Artist-

    Yup, that’s pretty much it.

  95. Pupienus said,

    November 28, 2013 at 3:01

    We like a non-traditional traditional T-day feast.

    The (free range, organic, heritage breed) turkey is disassembled, the parts are going into the oven shortly where they will be wonderfully browned. Roasted turkey stock makes for the bestest gravy EVAH! After brining the boned thighs get slathered with a bit of butter, seasoned with s&p and sage chiffonade. Truss them up for roasting, rub the outside with butter and season with s&p. The breast will be mounded on basic mushroom/bread/celery/sage/chestnut stuffing.

    Mixed up dough – it can sit in the fridge overnight and tomorrow I’ll form and bake crusty French bread rolls.

    Fried thinly sliced shallots for the green bean casserole. Cooled and dried they keep well in an airtight jar plus the oil is great for vinaigrettes and stuff. Dried shiitakes with their broth, diced leek (white part only), finely shredded carrot and some dried savory along with thie wine and cream should make a decent cream of mushroom “soup.”

    I’ll put the turkey in the brine early tomorrow am just for 6 hours or so.

    Teh Ho is making a pecan pie tonight. Crust is ALWAYS 1/2 lard for texture, 1/2 butter for flavor. Using pure maple syrup, NOT Karo fucking corn syrup lemme tell ya. The pie will be accompanied with bourbon whipped cream and homemade mocha ice cream.

    Cranberry orange apple relish is traditional in our house and if you think it’s declassé you can fuck right off – WE LIKE IT.

    This year I’m planning on peeling and cubing then roasting the sweet potatoes with some baking soda in the pressure cooker. H/T to Nathan Mhyrvold. Put ‘em in a shallow casserole, strew with pecan streussel topping and finish ‘em off in the oven.

    Mashed potatoes. Just potatoes, salt and pepper, and butter. LOTS of butter. Maybe just a few drops of cream.

    Roasted brussel sprouts with roasted chestnuts and lemon/zest.

    Got a six pack of Erath Pinot Noir for about $13(!) a bottle so that’s going to be the dinner wine.

    Time for a martini, I think.

  96. El Manquécito said,

    November 28, 2013 at 3:23

    Sounds great pm. I’m gonna be Bouffant like in nihilist solitude tomorrow but off to VA Fri. with 60 or so musicians for a weekend party. I expect the food to be, well, *sigh*. Great pickers though.

  97. Whale Chowder said,

    November 28, 2013 at 3:24

    Pup:

    What time should I get there? I can bring beer or Rye.

  98. Pupienus said,

    November 28, 2013 at 4:07

    Any time after 1:00 is what we told our other guests. The other day I bought a bottle of rye because I had just run out. So did Teh Ho. We’re pretty well stocked on rye. But that doesn’t mean we wouldn’t drink it if ya brung it. We could have a Sazerac party!

  99. Failure Artist said,

    November 28, 2013 at 4:09

    I made a savory bread pudding for Thanksgiving. I got a huge loaf from Panera and let it go stale. I now have tons of stale bread. Time to make bread crumbs, croutons, or penicillian.

  100. Austin Loomis said,

    November 28, 2013 at 4:33

    Over at Esquire’s Politics Blog, one Robert McCowen skrev the ultimate observation on the matter:

    I’m feeling too lazy to link, but I saw a Thomas Sowell column earlier this week that strongly suggested that the knockout game is a sign of incipient race war. Since Sowell on race and culture is a lot like Bill Kristol on foreign policy, I was immediately relieved to know that the knockout game is a meaningless, small-scale, and possibly made-up phenomenon.

    When Mister Organ Market is publicly fretting about it, veneers to voodoo vectors* it’s as fake as Boehner’s Neuticles.

    (* I literally do not expect anyone here to get that off the top of their bonce, but I’m hopeful.)

  101. paleotectonics said,

    November 28, 2013 at 4:34

    Happy TGiving all y’all!

    Traditional dinner with guests, including observant Muslims – could not find a halal whole turkey in the Twin Cities (but they don’t actually know such a thingy exists so ?), they decided they’ll say extra prayers tomorrow night. GB casserole, rotkohl, riced potatoes, holupser (my contribution).

    Also Sweetie’s no sugar added choc cheesecake, that is really amazingly good!

  102. VCarlson said,

    November 28, 2013 at 5:33

    Tomorrow, dinner at fundiegelical stepbrother & sister-in-law. We’re (stepmother, stepsister) bringing pies (pecan, apple, pumpkin, plus nongluten pecan and nongluten nondairy pumpkin), and roasted brussels sprouts. Five nephews, niece-in-law, ‘nother stepbrother (the schizophrenic one). Not as big as most years.

  103. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 28, 2013 at 5:52

    Pup, that sounds way better than the swill I’ll be served at my in law’s, and bonus: no in law’s. I may have to sneak out and catch the train up there. What are the chances my wife will notice I’m missing?

  104. VCarlson said,

    November 28, 2013 at 5:54

    New (to me) hotel room annoyance – TV in room periodically throws some ad or another upon left side or upper left corner of screen. I can watch around it, or hit one of the controls on the remote, which makes it go away for a while.

  105. VCarlson said,

    November 28, 2013 at 6:12

    Sigh. Fixed it. Some eejit put the TV in “Demo” mode.

  106. Pupienus said,

    November 28, 2013 at 7:39

    Zero. She’ll be chatting away with the ‘rents, paying you no attention whatsoever. Bring booze.

  107. Major Kong said,

    November 28, 2013 at 8:51

    Stuck between trips in a hotel in Memphis. Hoping to find a Chinese place that delivers.

  108. Cerberus said,

    November 28, 2013 at 11:24

    New post for Thanksgiving.

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