Nov
20

Indie Tour Set 2: Who Am I to Feel So Free




Posted at 16:09 by Cerberus

I was originally going to photoshop something to do with his sad little self-promotion picture of him wondering to the camera just how to live with himself, but then I realized I couldn’t stand one more second staring at his face and I knew this would piss off the usual suspects, so I decided fuck it! “Happy” Transgender Day of Remembrance everybody!

Matt Walsh, Radio Douchebag’s Self Promotion Blog:
Some people don’t deserve a living wage

Obamacare, Obamacare, Obamacare. Yeah, fuck this noise, let’s take another duck down one of the lesser known tributaries and let the B-sides of the Right’s paid hack brigade have their temporary day in the sun, because, holy fuck am I out of anything to say about fucking Obamacare.

Today’s post is by some wannabe Rush Limbaugh libertarian douchebag with a radio show (and right there I described at least half the right-wing blogosphere), who was helpfully linked to by perennial punching bags, Gay Patriot.

Well, by linked, I mean linked to by a guest post that may or may not be written by Matt Walsh himself, because if we’re not willing to get lost in the really deep thickets then we can shut up and enjoy our Obamacare soup like all the other naughty children.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • As I stated in the title: Some people deserve to die for want of a living wage. Think that’s harsh? Well, I’ve got my wingnut welfare gig, so fuck ‘em. If they didn’t want to starve to death and die, they wouldn’t have… been alive and not me?

It’s so nice to see low-functioning sociopaths find a community that loves and supports them. Shame that they demand the right to fuck with the lives of everyone else in exchange.

I met someone today who doesn’t deserve a living wage.

You mean you met someone who deserves to die.

Cause see, that’s what living wage means. The minimum amount that someone would need to live and buy the minimum amount of luxuries to avoid going completely fucking bugnuts. In civilized countries, it is the absolute minimum a wage can fall, because anything less would be inhumane and cruel.

I know you fucks are eliminationist authoritarians, but you could at least grow some fucking ovaries about it and own that shit!

I’m often told such people don’t exist, so maybe I hallucinated this encounter.

Well, to be fair, you are a right-wing libertarian. Your grasp on the real world is shaky at best.

From what I could see he wasn’t deserving of a job or a wage. At some point in his life, he might be. Perhaps next week. But today? No.

Ah, I see, what an important point. Some people may not be ready just yet for the strains of modern employment or could be better suited by taking some time to more successfully figure themselves out, treat severe mental illnesses, or just learn the skills necessary to being fully productive in regular employment.

And perhaps instead of having a system where all of us were forced to scramble to stay one step ahead of the catastrophe curve or be rendered starving and homeless, it would be more psychologically healthy to have a robust safety net and opportunities for psychologically “checking out” without it being held against people in future interviews.

Well, Mr. Random Douchebag, I’m genuinely impressed. I wasn’t expecting anyone on the right to propose something so radically transformative instead of acting like a roof and consistent meals were a luxury item being stolen from “deserving people”. Good job on avoiding the easy path and becoming just another sociopathic hack.

In fact, I was arguing about the minimum wage with someone recently. Halfway through the discussion, she forcefully proclaimed that “everyone deserves a living wage.”

I hear this idea quite a bit nowadays. There’s a lot of deserving going on, apparently. Everyone seems to deserve everything. We deserve a job. We deserve affordable housing. We deserve a phone. We deserve cable TV. We deserve internet access. We deserve higher wages. We deserve. We deserve. We deserve.

Or you could go on a giant authoritarian rant against the concept that all people are created equal and are endowed by their creator or lack of creator with certain unalienable rights including life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Same diff.

Also… betcha you didn’t know that the right to eat, have a roof over your head, or have a means of accessing the ability to apply for most current-era jobs including entry-level work is the same as the right to watch Fox News and masturbate whenever a video of a bomb dropping is aired.

Cause if he didn’t include that out of place gem, he might actually have to admit that it’s the way those Untouchables think they are entitled to life that really gets his goat.

On a similar note, hey dickwaffles! Don’t want people rambling about how people deserve a job that pays a living wage? Maybe don’t make such things a requirement for surviving our shitty society. Just saying.

It used to be that a man was owed what he had earned.

When exactly was this?

Cause, outside a few small-scale or quickly corrupted instances when the workers were able to seize the means of production, the world has most usually been defined by those who had earned nothing taking that which others had earned and claiming it as their own.

Hell, in the feudal era that libertarians seem most gung-ho about returning us to, the system was pretty much defined by the way that a man’s work only benefited his direct feudal lord and those of his court.

But hey, clearly unlike those you would condemn to death, you must have done something other than achieving the extremely low bar of receiving wingnut welfare and being an ignorant git on the radio in order to “earn” your life.

I’m going to bet on saved a drowning kitten.

Now, he’s owed what he “deserves.” This word, “deserve,” is toxic.

Libertarians, believing basic human rights are a sickening pestilent force since about 1964.

I think we’d all be better people if we never uttered it again in our lives. If I could violently murder a word in the English language, it would be “deserve,” followed by “entitled,” and then, since I’m already on a linguistic killing spree, I’d take out “epic,” “awesomesauce,” and the phrase “just sayin’.”

Internet Tough Guy is evolving! He’s becoming Guy Who Wants to be Mistaken for a Serial Killer!

Hey, insecure douchebags everywhere, let me let you in on a secret. All the posing about how tough and willing to murder at the drop of a hat because you think that will fulfill the precepts of toxic masculinity and give you all the chicks who are clearly not staying away because of your fucked up personality?

No one’s fucking buying it. So just let it go, accept yourself and start being a good man instead of trying to be the best male douchebag at the cock-waving parade.

It’s not deserve’s fault that it’s become such a hideous term in our culture. It should be a fine word. It’s definition is quite manly and respectable:

Or just keep doing the written equivalent of cat-calling out the window of your jacked-up Hummer about how small of a penis you totally don’t have.

That’s good too.

Deserve [dih-zurv]: to merit, to be qualified for, to be worthy of, to have a claim to.

You wouldn’t know from the way it’s used, but “deserve” actually means something very close to “earned.” You deserve something if you are qualified for it, if you are worthy of it, if you have a claim to it.

Well, I can see your confusion. It largely stems from the fact that most people aren’t violent sociopaths and view life as something all people deserve and certainly not something to be revoked for such a fucked-up reason as being born or rendered poor in a capitalist system.

Is everyone qualified for a job? Is everyone worthy of one? Does everyone have a claim to a job? If you have a claim to something, that means you are owed it. So if I’m automatically owed a job, who, precisely, is in my debt? All business owners? So I suppose I can walk into an interview, plop down on the chair, put my feet up on the desk, light a cigar and shout, “I’m here to collect my debt!” Or maybe the universe owes me. The universe owes us all a job, is that it? It used to be: I think therefore I am. Now it’s: I am therefore I’m owed. Is that the way it works?

Yes, clearly with such a gifted mastery of the complexities of language, it makes perfect sense how you have “deserved” your position as a public wordsmith.

I mean, fuck, I get that it’s an attempt to ape the mannerisms of snark in much the way a TV alien might try and ape the mannerisms of humans to comedic effect, but it kinda kills your point when in order to do so you need to pretend you don’t understand how words work.

And hey, let’s take it a step further and note that your chain of “logic” would apply just as much, if not more to your capitalism-fetish approved version. Someone having “earned” the right to a job in this analogy would seem just as silly being viewed as walking into any job on the planet and taking it as per what ze has “earned”.

But hey, don’t worry about it. It’s not like communication is your day… job… oh that is just awkward.

How does the friend I met today fit into the conversation? Let me tell you about this deserving young gentleman.

I was in line for the customer service desk at a particular large retail chain. Two dudes were in front of me, they looked to be about my age. They were wearing t-shirts and jeans, which is standard apparel for this establishment.

Oh noes! How dare they… wear clothes? Um… I’ve got my Hate Boner ready to go, but you kinda need to give me something to work with.

As we all waited our turns, they carried on a conversation that I couldn’t help but hear. Nothing terribly interesting. Evidently they attended a party a few nights ago

THEY HAVE LIVES?!? BURN THEM!

that, they both agreed, was a splendid little shindig (as the kids like to say).

Yes, and then the kids like to hop in the back of their caddy and head on down to the Soda Shop to discuss what they want to do at the next Sock Hop, because apparently I’m Marty McFly and this is the fucking 1950s.

Also, didn’t this fucker say they were about his age?

Finally, it was their turn. The guy on the right spoke for both of them. And when I say “spoke,” I mean “muttered disinterestedly”:

Guy: “Applications?”
Employee: “Sorry?”
Guy: “Ya’ll got applications?”
Employee: “For what?”
Guy: “Ya’ll hirin’?”
Employee: “Oh, you want job applications?”
Guy: “Yeah, ya’ll hirin’?”
Employee: “Well, I don’t know…”
Guy: “Can we just get applications?”
Employee: “Yeah, no, I don’t think we’re hiring.”
Guy: “Oh, sucks, alright.”

And then they both walked away.

AND THEN THEY…

I’m sorry, dude, but you’re just killing the mood for me with this weak ass shit.

Exactly what is it about this story that marks these guys as undeserving parasites that deserve to die?

The fact that they were looking for work in a retail store? Having a Southern drawl?

I mean, I’m sure to you there was some distinguishing figure that makes their inherent unemployability clear as day such as having chewed up bits of human stuck in their teeth or being black, but here in non-crazy world, it just sounds like some guys asking politely about some job applications and having an overworked customer service agent be completely unhelpful and fuck them over, possibly in a manner, if in the likely case that the “obvious” aspect is their black skin, that was discriminatory.

Now, I’m pretty sure this place, like every big chain retailer these days, has their applications online.

Gosh, wouldn’t that have been a fantastic thing for the customer service representative to have noted? What with her being currently employed by the company to dispense just that kind of, well, customer service?

I’m also pretty sure that they, like every big chain retailer, are always hiring. I’m positive they’re hiring in early November, right at the beginning of the Christmas season.

Oh hey, more evidence for my discrimination theory. Thanks, Matt. You’re a trooper.

I’m positive that I could have come up right after them, looked the woman in the eye, spoke clearly and politely and said, “Yes, hello, how are you? My name is Matt Walsh. I’m very interested in any job opportunities that might be available here. Could I possibly speak to a manager if they aren’t busy? If they are, could I fill out an application and leave it here with you, please?”

I guarantee the woman would have either handed me an application, directed me to the website, sent me to a kiosk to fill one out, or even called the manager.

Yeah, because you couldn’t more painfully telegraph “corporate plant” if you tattooed it on your forehead next to the sticky mark from the night before. And she’d be in fear of losing her job if she deviated in any way from pre-approved corporate protocol.

Seriously, Matt, do you even know any humans?

I guarantee that, magically, they would have gone from “not hiring” to “hiring” in the span of 90 seconds. Do you know why?

Because you’re white?

Because I’d present the image of someone who is worthy of a job.

So white, then?

The guys before me presented the image of people who aren’t worthy of mopping the bathroom floors.

By not bleaching their skin before inquiring about positions apparently.

The guys before me put precisely 0.0 percent effort into their “job hunt.” And this is an extremely common problem. Ask anyone who works at a customer service desk, or any manager at an establishment that commonly attracts job searchers in my age demographic or younger. When I worked as a shift manager at a pizza place eight years ago, I once had a dude walk in with his SHIRT OFF and slung over his shoulder. He came up to the counter and said, “what’s up? I need a job.”

I said, “I’m sure you do. Goodbye.”

Um… these are bottom-of-the-barrel retail. They pay shit-ass minimum wage, terrible hours that can be cut at an instant or given overnight thus eliminating any means of reliably planning any other work to supplement an income or any form of life. They often have abusive management, corporate protocols more designed to prevent workers having enough of a will to unionize rather than serve the consumer, and are in general just soul-crushing to suffer through.

Any person who is a survivor of retail, especially during the holiday season, tends to carry a life-long scar and massive triggers around the following things: pop music, anything to do with malls, or the concept of smiling.

They are, by every possible meaning of the word, entry-level positions. The sort of thing intended to be where one learns the basic survival mechanisms of our capitalistic system, such as not stabbing your boss and instead surreptitiously slipping rat poison into their morning coffee.

And in a system like ours, where employment is a requirement for survival, it shouldn’t have some giant barrier for entry beyond “hey, did you show up and are you not so high that you can’t manage to remain standing? Great.”

And indeed, that’s sort of one of the big problems with our current Permanent Depression Economy. There are so many people competing for so few jobs and needing so many of them just to have a roof and food (I’m at around 5 and I’ve got a negative bank account and a week full of rice and soy sauce meals to show for it) that companies can pretty much demand whatever insane level of qualifications they want.

Requiring 10 years experience in the industry for entry level positions? Demanding more skill sets than were seen in people called “geniuses” a scant 50 years ago for a position paying just under living wage? Making it nearly impossible for anyone to land even a fucking retail position if they aren’t absolutely guaranteed to be soulless lifers?

Why not? I mean, the market demands what it will, right?

But see, here’s what all the Captialism fetishists forget.

Yeah, it might currently be great for all those companies that the combination of economic despair and a complete lack of safety net gives them their choice of the desperate masses. But it also means that those who get pulled under or left on the sidelines or passed over by possibly discriminatory reasons have no means of sustaining themselves legally.

And when the poor and those just entering the job market have no legal means of advancing themselves or survival, then it opens up the whole suite of illegal options, including violent revolution.

But hey, don’t worry about it. You, unlike those dirty masses, clawing at your door, have earned the right to live and as soon as you explain that to them, they’ll kindly leave you alone.

Everyone deserves a living wage? That’s a nice thought, but I prefer to walk around in the real world with my eyes open. It’s safer this way.

Oh what a Freudian slip!

Yes, indeed, “it’s safer”. That would be real source of why so many who will never ever see the spoils enjoyed by those rich sons of leisure will gladly die to defend them.

The fear of being smacked down as a non-conforming member of this great species of ours. Of being maltreated like those who are visibly “different” or of dying in the street for wanting to be “deserving” of life in the eyes of society.

The Stockholm Syndrome that leads people to follow religions that shackle them and tell them that their bodies and free thoughts are poison. That leads people to resist even peaceful means of fixing just a fraction of the multitude of ways that our system is broken. That causes so many to flinch and punch down in the hopes that doing so will raise them temporarily into the role of “deserving of life” and spared the punishment given to the rest. That leads people to delude that those on the top wouldn’t be happy to reduce the number of “deserving” until only they themselves remained.

And the thing about that is… it doesn’t actually make you safer. This system doesn’t care if you read Das Kapital every night or you frig yourself off with the edge of Ayn Rand books.

Because that’s how conformity and authoritarianism works. And the sooner people realize that, the sooner we can actually make all our lives better.

And it allows me to see that a certain portion of the population can’t even be bothered to speak in full sentences when searching for employment opportunities.

Um, everything but the first sentence of your example were full sentences. But hey, it’s not like mastery of English is a supposed qualification for your considerably overpaid job or anything.

But hey, it wouldn’t be a libertarian rant if it wasn’t the desperate attempt of a white man who knows he is grossly underqualified for the paycheck he receives rationalizing why he deserves it over far more qualified non-white-cis-hetero-males.

There are a lot of unemployed people in this country.

Yeah, there are.

More, one might say, than there are available jobs to accommodate them.

Which, one might further note, just may necessitate some form of genuine living wage welfare to ensure that those who are designated the losers in capitalism’s great tea-bagging can still survive with food and a roof over their heads.

But hey, I guess if you just rationalize that all the unemployed are some unemployable human wreckage who deserve death because they aren’t polite white enough, then it can make it possible to pretend that nothing needs to change.

Many are hardworking, ambitious, competent people who have fallen on tough times. I feel for them.

But sadly, you need to die in order to get rid of that fucker and his unpardonable sin of asking politely for an application in front of Matt Walsh in a manner that didn’t let him relieve his desperate hard-on for watching poor people beg like dogs for the right to work a shitty job. I mean, seriously, he got himself all riled up and there wasn’t even a desperate plea or nothing!

I take solace in the knowledge that these folks will get through it, because that’s what hardworking, ambitious, competent people do.

Those hardworking folks who just can’t catch the break or who just aren’t being paid enough to stay in front of all the fees the world throws at you for being completely broke?

Well, clearly you must not have been very hard-working. Same to those of you who are broken under the strain of poverty and the way it gets you to devalue yourself to the point of suicide.

I mean, come on people, this just world fallacy isn’t going to delude itself!

God bless them. I pray for them and their families.

That’s great. I’m sure, those prayers will fill their bellies and get them enough gas to get to their shitty shitty jobs.

But then there’s the other sort of unemployed person; the sort who’s unemployed because they deserve to be unemployed. They drift around like dried up leaves, floating on the breeze. They expect to do nothing, make no attempt to better themselves or their situation, and still have society hand them their “due.”

Most people know them by the name “republican pundits”.

Seriously, leave aside the whole “if you don’t fit into a capitalistic framework or you’re unlucky or traumatized you deserve to die” thing, and just focus on the massive IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION.

No one on this small blue rock deserves less their massive salaries and guaranteed employment than the lazy, incurious, deliberately ignorant fucks that make up the popular right-wing and their corporate owners.

In fact, the continued success of these cretins is probably the best counterargument available to this nonsense and its pretenses of a meritocracy where all the starving poor can be rationalized as “human failures” who “brought it upon themselves”.

Which is why I’d love to see them get the “true meritocracy” world they claim to want just to see the look on their faces as all those
“undeserving” and suspiciously swarthy-looking underclasses rise up into their positions and they are left with only their raw skills and their passion for self-improvement to carry them through.

Because I’m a petty bitch.

Some nefarious forces want us to pretend that this kind of person doesn’t exist.

They’re liars. And their lies aren’t doing anyone any favors.

Yeah, take that scienamatists! You may come in here with your “facts” and your “studies”, but damnitt we know in our heart of hearts that everyone living in Skid Row deserves to be there. And not at all because to think otherwise might involve acknowledging the human cost of the economic policies we supported only because we wanted to punish brown people and women for getting uppity.

Here’s a bit of hard truth: if you’re young and you have no dependents, no serious responsibilities, no mortgage, no spouse, nothing but yourself to worry about — there is little excuse to be unemployed for very long.

Indeed? My word, it must be because there are enough jobs to serve everyone who is dedicated to finding one? Especially for those who are just starting out and competing for entry level spots with people with 5+ years experience laid off in the previous cycle.

But sorry, I seem to be interrupting, please go on.

Once you’ve grown a little, and your life is complicated, and you’ve got kids and houses to pay for, being unemployed is a different situation entirely. You can’t just take any old job because any old job won’t be enough to fulfill your myriad of financial obligations.

Riiiight. Of course. If you’re a proper tribe member, denoted by your fulfillment of middle-class suburban fantasy, then clearly, your failure to find a job because the economy is shit is because the economy is shit. But if you’re some nasty snot-nosed kid who has the unmitigated gall to be younger than I am and thus a source of envy and hatred, then clearly your inability to find a job is due to your inherent laziness and inability to make jobs automagically appear out of your ass.

Duh.

But you’re 23 years old with no kids and nobody depending on you for anything? Put on a collared shirt and some khaki pants, hit main street and fill out applications in every store, shop, restaurant and business until you find something. Anything. If need be, get up tomorrow and do it again. And then again the next day. And the next day. And the next day. Put some pep in that step, decide what you want, and then go out and grab it. If you want a job – go get one. ANY one. There’s far too much apathy and far too many excuses polluting the environment in our society. I can barely breathe; the fog of “blah” is so thick.

Ok.

Yeah, just going to stop you right the fuck there.

First of all, yeah, let’s talk about the bullshit way companies directly use “appearance” (which almost universally means is the applicant middle or upper class enough to own expensive interview clothes, or is willing to be or act white and male enough to be deemed “employable”) as a substitute for qualifications.

Cause, it’s kinda appalling in a system like ours where employment is literal life or death that we’ve allowed “being read as a middle-class white male” to be the most important sign of being a “professional”. It allows unconscious biases to roam free and only serves as a mechanism of forcing a particular form of normativity with the threat of economic failure and the fatal consequences that go with that.

A suit is just that. And the way we’ve prized suits and haircuts over knowing a damn thing is why so many upper managements are filled with the least qualified upper class twits on the planet.

Second, “hit main street”. Now, unless your picture is about 40 years old, you are WAY too damn young to be this damn archaically ignorant about the way the world works.

As you yourself noted, there ain’t no main street to walk into and anyone who actually goes to the effort of asking for a position directly from an employer is more likely to be given the runaround and a sneer for wasting the underpaid worker’s time than it is to be given an application.

You can throw your resume down the internet hole and hope for the best. And as you say, you can do that again and again and again and again.

Cause, see, that whole process, of sending and sending and reducing your standards and just being willing to accept anything and still not being able to find anything or receive much of any response, much less an interview?

It has a nasty tendency to break you. You might have a decent level of self-esteem, but that first year, two years, three years of putting out multiple applications a day and getting nothing will convince you that the world is right and you really are less than worthless. It will fill you with guilt every second you are not doing applications until you find yourself incapable of doing even the most basic psychological maintenance.

And that’s before we get to the way poverty breaks you. The way being hungry makes it nearly impossible to focus on anything. The way the constant stress and threat of death leaves you a PTSD-stricken mess incapable of relaxing and filled with constant shame at the very notion of asking for help because clearly you are worth nothing. The way the depression eels its way inside until you can barely get up and force yourself through the Sisyphean slog and every lost day to the disease just allows you to self-abuse harder.

And then you add all the abuse that assholes who lucked into jobs back in the days that there was a strong job market and all one needed to do to get a decent paying middle class job with health care was show up regularly will gladly throw at you in order to feel better about their good fortune. Telling you that you’re lazy and “not trying hard enough” and what you need to do is apply for jobs every day as if you didn’t just spend the last 12 hours of every day doing just that.

And even if you find something, many somethings, it don’t even add up to a living wage and despite working 7 days a week, it just can’t pay the bills and it’s still somehow your fault for sucking that bad.

Yeah, you try staying sane through all that, and then you can look down on all us “lazy bastards” and our greed.

Oh and lastly, our generation, as it were, “thumbs its nose at the shit jobs” because you spent the last 3 decades making it nearly impossible to pay for college in any other way than going into massive student loan debt.

And since that shit kicks in fast and has a monthly cost that would make your eyes bleed before you factor in the high cost of gas, food, rent, etc…, one simply cannot afford to take minimum wage jobs and hope to survive.

And on a separate note, if one needs a fucking college degree to work at McDonalds then well, that’s a system that’s about 10 years away from some rich fuckers being stuck on the tops of pikes.

Which brings me to my final note.

Fuck you, you asshole and your accusations of apathy. Especially as you are in the midst of a whiny privileged rant about how much you hate the fact that you’re expected to care about the suffering of others.

It physically pains me to see some young guys — right around my age — stumble into a place half awake, mutter a couple phrases to the cashier, then shuffle out, and consider that another successful stop in their “job hunt.”

It’s a job HUNT, bro. Go hunt. Is this how you’d hunt for wild game? Do you wander into the forest, say “deer,” wait for a minute, give up and head to Denny’s?

We live in a post-industrial commercial society. Unless you’re living in the mountains and eating only the food you kill with the bear hands you killed with your bare hands, then most fucking people are going to be eating some level of pre-pepared meal. Hell, even the people who go down to the farmer’s market to hand-select organic vegetables to delicately prepare for a complicated raw vegan meal still nonetheless depend on others to plant, grow, harvest, transport, wash, and present them.

Also, uh, yeah, not sure if it’s best for you to be suggesting that poor desperate people should treat a job search much in the way one would the stalking and killing of a living creature. Unless you are looking forward to poor people stabbing every rich fuck they see and taking their money and sustenance for their own.

Where’s your determination? Where’s your “give me a chance, I’ll do anything” spirit?

Off deciding how much prostitution they’ll have to perform in order to pay rent this month?

Young people used to be revolutionaries. They used to be worldshakers. They used to be radicals, I’m told.

It’s like these fuckers are daring us to bring forth the cliffotines.

They used to say, “give me a job cleaning toilets, and next week I’ll run this place.”

Yeah, and then it became abundantly clear that not only was there no possibility that someone cleaning toilets would ever be promoted to the positions of those in upper management, but there was no possibility that we’d even be hired cleaning toilets.

Sorry, jackasses, but you can’t break the system and then blame us for failing to fix it from the outside.

They used to be on fire with determination and ambition. They used to have dreams and they used to live and die for those dreams.

Yeah, we also used to have a robust safety net, a 90% upper limit tax rate, which allowed entrepreneurs to try new things and take risks without worrying about the ability to eat.

Cause, see, the funny thing about desperation is that it makes it real fucking hard to focus on one’s “dreams” or feel safe trying anything other than participating in madcap desperation and futile hope for a breath of fresh air.

Some of my fellow young people still fit this bill. But too many, FAR too many, are closer to my pal in line this afternoon. Plenty of older folks have a similar apathetic demeanor, but it’s more problematic in my generation. It’s more problematic because 1) we’re the future, and 2) it’s wholly unnatural for us to be indifferent. We’re supposed to be the energetic, wide eyed rebels. We’re supposed to be the ones climbing the mountains and conquering the planet.

Instead, many of us sit around waiting for a genie to materialize in our living rooms and hand us a six figure income, a nice car, a house and a 401k.

Not all of us. Not me. Hopefully not you. But many.

Honestly, I joke, but this is just fucking sad.

This is the “young” version of the Gay Patriot twits or those black conservatives on American Thinker writing about how the segregationists are right and the existence of black people is destroying America.

Pandering broken wretches, so desperate to be considered honorary “safe group” that they’re willing to say anything to endear themselves to their oppressors and help them rationalize the horrible way they treat people just like them.

No, see, it’s okay, it’s not our hatred of young people as an externalization of our hatred of the way history has moved on without us. I mean after all, one of them is saying we are right and those older people we know who don’t have jobs are undergoing a bad turn, but those damn young-uns are just lazy nogoodniks!

Matt, honey, this ain’t going to save you. All that bitterness, all the attempts to destroy you, all the ways the planet left to us is broken and running out of stuff is going to fuck you just as strongly as it fucks us.

And as soon as they’ve gotten their fill, they’ll move on to the next paid shill to fluff their ego and tell them the fellow kids are not alright and you’ll be right there with the rest of us with only your wits and passion for hard-work to save you.

In other words, when we get to the Soylent Green factory, remind me to tell you I told you so.

But we can’t have honest conversations about anything in this country full of overly sensitive wimps.

Yes, that’s true. We can’t have an honest conversation about the actual state of the economy. Those who are willing to see millions die and suffer unnecessarily just to compete in a meaningless numbers game with other rich douchebags. The way we can’t talk about the intersection of oppressions or the way privileges blind the powerful to what it truly means to be marginalized or impoverished.

Every time we could sit down and really deconstruct exactly why so many are unemployed or underemployed or why new incoming workers need so many more skillsets than what was required before for more relative pay, we’re interrupted by some overly sensitive wimps slamming their fingers into their ears and loudly screaming about how young people are lazy and apathetic and how good jobs are everywhere. But I’m glad you-

So when the subject of unemployment comes up, particularly unemployment among 20-somethings, nobody is allowed to suggest that, possibly, SOME of these unemployed folks just AREN’T TRYING HARD ENOUGH. We’re not allowed to say that.

Ah, right, I’ll just wait until you’re done screaming.

And when the subject of any other problem arises, we’re not allowed to acknowledge the existence of the people who cause their own troubles.

And we’re definitely not allowed to acknowledge the existence of the people who cause everyone else’s troubles. Because then we’d have to accept the consequences of our political victories and the credit for those policies we spent so long fighting for.

I mean, it’s just not fair! No one said that this politics game would actually affect anything real!

Because of this, many who desperately need a swift kick in the butt must now be deprived of it. This is a grave injustice — both to the would-be kickee, and the willing kickers. I consider it my mission to remedy this situation, for the sake of both parties.

I’M SUCH A MANLY TOUGH MANLY MAN TOUGH MAN! BELIEVE ME! BEEEELLLLLLIIIIEEEEVVVVEEEE ME!

But seriously, to wrap this overlong point up, this post and the endless onslaught of Obamacare posts are kind of two sides of the same coin.

Both are about hiding and obfuscating a very radical idea.

The idea that those who are not “approved” by being appropriately rich, white, male, heterosexual, cissexual, Republicans deserve to die.

That life, itself is a privilege only allowed to those select few in order to spare them the pain of having to acknowledge people other than them exist.

We can’t have health care for all, because the lines will be too long or companies won’t be able to spam people. We can’t have a living wage, because some people don’t deserve jobs or money or any of the goods or services that those buy.

And while the current situation of desperation, disease, and death might seem like a win-win for conservatives, there’s only so much further this can go before there is literally nothing to lose breaking things open. Which may very well explain the frantic panicked method by which the rich paid the police forces to “get rid” of the Occupy problem.

But driving it underground doesn’t change the reality or the shrinking amount of options towards resolving this crisis peacefully.

In short, if you fuckers want to go a couple more decades still connected to your neck, you might think about letting the damn Democrats slightly improve the most broken systems.

Or not. The choice is yours.


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. The Revolution will be recorded on smart phone and put onto YouTube. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™

*ADDENDUM:

Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance.

Other communities get to spend their special days, the ones that are most about them, with a sense of celebration. We in the trans* community mourn our fallen.

That list is only a small sample of those who have been murdered because of their trans* identities, because of what someone else thought of a reality that is just as biological as sexuality or skin color. And that in turn is a small sample of those who have died in general.

Thanks to an intense societal bigotry, suicide remains one of the highest killers of trans* people out there with about 1/3 of our number exiting by our own hands.

And that horrifyingly high number itself pales in the number of those who have suffered violence in general, either by those external or in the form of oppression-related self-injury.

Not that far from me, an agender teen, just riding on the bus was set on fire, because some other kid, raised in our diseased culture, thought it was an appropriate way to “correct” the offense of someone existing near him.

On the list of the fallen, the descriptions betray the brutality of the “corrections” that trans* people face. Stoned, beheaded and burned with our partners, scalped and tortured, tied to concrete and thrown in a pond, or:

tied up, beaten with fists and other objects, choked with a chain, had a bag taped over his head, shot, set on fire, and discarded into a dumpster.

Which occurred in this country. To a young kid no more than 22. A “punishment” all to many feel safe performing against those whose only crime was to be assigned the wrong sex and suffer through the wrong puberty and dare to exist where others can see them.

When I was a kid, my friends abandoned me, smelling a queerness on me that it would take years to see myself. When I was in college, a man threw a plate of food at my head because he could tell something I hadn’t yet had the courage to see. When I finally started to be true to myself, I was spit upon on the street, stalked, harassed, raped, discriminated out of a job, disowned by parents, and impoverished to a point so filled with shame that I don’t always know how to look at myself.

And yeah, I’ve been among those number who’ve injured themselves and those who’ve tried to check out early, but…

And here’s the bit that I think prevents this day from being only a wallowing in the oppression and pain and suffering inflicted upon us.

I still wouldn’t continue denying this for the world. This is what I am, what we are. Whether we are a snarky asexual transwoman writing overlong overly personal asides on their blog or a genderqueer leather boi, we exist.

And we’re not going away just because some would see us dead than see us at all. Because this gender dysphoria, this trans* state of existence is true and resolving it, despite all the shit they throw at us is so much more healing and joyous than the crap they use to try and make us fear it.

I’m damn glad to stand up for myself and my brothers, sisters, and non-binary-gendered siblings. And I will try and carry on the memory of the far too many who weren’t allowed to have that chance.

We miss you. We will always miss you.

297 Comments »

  1. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 16:32

    Not only did Matt Walsh pull himself up by his own bootstraps he actually invented boots.

    Why does every conservative think they personally invented the concept of work?

  2. Failure Artist said,

    November 20, 2013 at 16:54

    I applied online yesterday to a dollar store chain and by all the questions and background search (including “address history”) I’d have thought was applying to transfer uraninium from secret site to secret site.

  3. Anonymous said,

    November 20, 2013 at 17:20

    BREAKING: James O’Queef films himself beating the shit out of someone–conclusive proof that the “Knockout Game” is a real thing that exists and liberals do it. He couldn’t call it “Project Veritas” if it wasn’t true, so there.

  4. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 17:21

    I thought there was no crime in New York thanks to Ruuuudy and Bloomberg?

  5. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 20, 2013 at 17:22

    It doesn’t occur to Matt that if those who are unemployed tried harder to get one of the finite number of jobs out there, that some of those who are employed now, would be unemployed, leading to a net gain of nothing?

    It doesn’t occur to Mat that, barring the invention of entire new industries, there simply aren’t enough jobs to go around? 60 years of increasing automation and computerization and outsourcing since the 50s means we may never see those level of employment again.

    And with defeat after defeat for organized labor, the fruits of economic prosperity are increasingly inequitably distributed, so even if we saw boom time levels of employment, without radical changes in the way we compensate people, it would just mean most of us get a chance to catch up on our bills, rather than materially improve our situation?

    To hell with this guy. Five minutes of thought reveals a list of objections to his premises and arguments longer than his entire column.

  6. histrogeek said,

    November 20, 2013 at 17:36

    OK I’m a 43 year old, white, straight, and cis-gendered male, but alas I’m nowhere near privilege-blind enough to live in Matt’s world. The whole episode he relates to me is exactly what’s wrong. Two young people want to find work and they are denied a chance even to get their foot even close to the door. How is that supposed to fill anyone, save bigots adding details not included in story, with anger at kids? Seriously, step up your game Matt, they need to be stoned or hostile or something.
    My wife has spend three unsuccessful years job hunting and currently is working two part-time jobs that together earn 40% less than when she had a full-time job. And we won’t even get to the idea of moving around from frustrating, often soul-crushing, full-time work to more satisfying employment.
    Matt has however given me a new fantasy job. “Hello, are you Mr. Matt Walsh? I’m here from the Committee of Public Safety and Parasite Liquidation Service. We’re a friendly service of your new people’s government. I’d like discuss this blog post of yours…”

  7. Failure Artist said,

    November 20, 2013 at 17:42

    There are teenagers out there who attack people for fun, therefore it’s okay to kill a teenager?

  8. tigris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 17:56

    a certain portion of the population can’t even be bothered to speak in full sentences when searching for employment opportunities

    And some people won’t even get up out of their damn wheelchairs when the boss enters the room!

    I mean JESUS, this guy is bad-mouthing folks actually out there trying to get work in a system where 4% unemployment is considered “full employment” because the way they go about trying to get starvation wage, no skill jobs doesn’t measure up to his high standards, while he gets paid to be a judgmental, thought-free shill who writes like crap.

  9. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:02

    Living is theft!

  10. Concerned Conservidevelompentallydisabled said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:14

    The “knockout game” practiced by these ruffians is barbaric and uncouth. Why can they not engage in wholesome pass-times like attempting to execute a pregnant woman via shotgun, following the example set by George Zimmerman (hallowed be His name)?

  11. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:19

    Shouldn’t Angry Liberal be at his job since he’s such a paragon of work ethic?

    If he is at work he shouldn’t be stealing the company’s time and bandwidth by posting here.

  12. Dorothy said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:25

    How exactly did he jump from the statement “everyone deserves a living wage” to “everyone deserves to demand a job from any employer, any industry”?

    Does this guy think that that all jobs actually pay living wages, so the only way to not have a living wage is to not have a job? Wow, even more clueless than previously thought.

    (On the Knockout Game: how is hitting someone any taking their possessions some kind of new “trend” rather than, say, “mugging”?)

  13. Failure Artist said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:29

    Matt wants even picking up a job application to be a secret club people have to “earn” to get into.

  14. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:29

    Get back to work slacker.

  15. Failure Artist said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:35

    Isn’t all the talk about “everyone deserves a living wage” not so much about the unemployed as the people are working but not getting a decent wage?

  16. tigris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:38

    how is hitting someone any taking their possessions some kind of new “trend” rather than, say, “mugging”?

    They say prostitution is the oldest profession, but if so I bet robbery is a pretty close second.

  17. tsam said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:38

    It doesn’t occur to Matt

    Where it = pretty much everything.

  18. Angry Mooching Librul said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:42

    I’ll keep posting the same article until you libruls realize the threat blah teenagers pose to white people like me.

  19. Athena's Owl, Liz said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:42

    This reminds me of some Faux-news bobblehead who said we can’t raise the minimum wage because that would be “rewarding mediocrity”. And here I thought that a salary was money earned in exchange for work, sometimes shitty work.

    And that is some rancid mango by Walshy Boy in the form of an un unsupported assertion that *he* would totally get an application and get to talk to a manager ’cause of his get-up-and-go….

  20. Anonymous said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:54

    This disturbing game is a hit with “goons”.

    WINK-WINK, AMIRITE?

  21. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 18:57

    Must be a slow day at the corn dog stand.

  22. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:01

    We don’t stay at Motel 6 (yet).

    In Huntington we stay at the beautiful Pullman Plaza, which doesn’t look like it’s changed since sometime circa 1974. It sports two elevators, one of which is perpetually broken. It has a workout room that looks like a museum of 1970s exercise equipment.

    It does however have a very nice staff and offers a surprisingly good free breakfast.

  23. tigris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:15

    This reminds me of some Faux-news bobblehead who said we can’t raise the minimum wage because that would be “rewarding mediocrity”

    But how will this poor spokesmodel survive only getting paid what the work is worth?

  24. t4toby said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:19

    Related:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/11/20/equality-house-transgender-awareness_n_4304875.html

  25. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:23

    Just think.

    If you had a concealed carry permit, after they’ve knocked you out with one punch they’ve got your wallet and your gun.

    It’s like one stop shopping.

  26. Angry Mooching Librul said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:26

    I wish those Knockout Game Teens would get off of my lawn here in East Gilpin, CA.

  27. Anonymous said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:47

    You know, I get that it’s hard to lionize Georgie Z after he attempted to abort his girlfriend’s baby (and his girlfriend) with a shotgun, but you’d think these guys could bring themselves to just, you know… stop trying to do it. They managed to backpedal pretty fast after Limbaugh’s glowing endorsement of Joseph Kony, didn’t they?

  28. St. Pupienus of PENIS said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:48

    Curious that ClownHall didn’t publish a picture of the outraged pastor. You wanna talk about bizarre….

    Also FYWP.

  29. Shakezula said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:52

    Next week he’ll tell us about a recent trip to the grocery store during which he witnesses a person pay for his liquor and cigarettes with a big wad of food stamps.

    I also find it odd that he talks about one person when it was in fact two guys. Could it be he can’t count?

    As an aside, I didn’t catch where he said the guys in front of him weren’t white.

  30. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:53

    Curious that ClownHall didn’t publish a picture of the outraged pastor. You wanna talk about bizarre….

    That link doesn’t contain a picture of a person, all I see is a big thumb.

  31. bbkf said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:54

    pretty sure that was posted by trolly mctrollerson…

  32. bbkf said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:55

    I also find it odd that he talks about one person when it was in fact two guys. Could it be he can’t count?

    yeah, i noticed that too…but what i mostly noticed that he just stone cold rates for job discrimination…

  33. Shakezula said,

    November 20, 2013 at 19:59

    Stop the Presses!

    Here’s an unpaid position that many a young bootstrapist would crave:

    http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2013/11/the-greatest-internship-of-all-time/comment-page-1#comment-777931

  34. Failure Artist said,

    November 20, 2013 at 20:23

    He doesn’t say the race of the two kids, but he does transcribe their “ya’ll”s which is sort of a dog whistle. Apparently, someone who says “ya’ll” or any other colloqialism is not worthy of a job.

    Possibly the customer service representative was just stupid and if Matt had tried his script on her he would have been met with the same confusion. I would have loved to see that. However, he was too lazy to test his easy-to-test hypothesis.

  35. bughunter, on a combination of Percocet, Valium and flexeril, will soon forget he said,

    November 20, 2013 at 20:36

    many a young bootstrapist

    How does one rape a bootst?

  36. tigris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 20:39

    “ya’ll”s which is sort of a dog whistle

    Southerner hate is not going to go over well with his party mates.

  37. Failure Artist said,

    November 20, 2013 at 20:48

    I sort of care about your pedantics.

  38. VCarlson said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:17

    “ya’ll”s which is sort of a dog whistle

    Southerner hate is not going to go over well with his party mates.

    OK, so now I have to ask if one of the guys in front if young Matt then clutched a jar of syrup to his chest and started crooning to it.

    Seriously, though – none of these bozos have made the connection between the increased productivity of American workers, the nearly nonexistent increase in pay for same (except for the ones going backwards, of course), and the obscene rise in C-suite pay? Or, like all the believers in reincarnation who were always kings and princes and never the far more likely serfs, is he just assuming (with equal likekihood) he’ll be in The Elect?

  39. Anonymous said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:18

    I’m very excited about the GOP turning the 2014 midterms into a referendum on the “Knockout Game”, which is totally a thing that exists and has been endorsed by prominent liberals.

  40. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:22

    So this knock out game is just the latest example of sheltered ignorant white people freaking out at shit that no one is actually doing. Is it any more legitimate than wilding, flash mobs, satanism, jenkum, or krokodil?

  41. bughunter, on a combination of Percocet, Valium and flexeril, will soon forget he said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:27

    I’m playing the knockout game at home. You can too, with the Knockout Game Home Edition (Rx).

    Available at your local medical professional. Some surgery may be required.

  42. VCarlson said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:31

    Available at your local medical professional. Some surgery may be required.

    That’s not quite true. I understand a lobotomy can be performed quite successfully using any number of common household implements. I believe they can even be self-administered.

  43. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:33

    So this knock out game is just the latest example of sheltered ignorant white people freaking out at shit that no one is actually doing. Is it any more legitimate than wilding, flash mobs, satanism, jenkum, or krokodil?

    No way, this is totally a real thing that really happens for real. Really. Just like how flashing your high-beams at somebody makes a Blood and/or Crip kill you as their initiation ritual. Also just like Richard Gere’s hamster. Also too, SASQUATCH ISREAL.

  44. Shakezula said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:42

    He doesn’t say the race of the two kids, but he does transcribe their “ya’ll”s which is sort of a dog whistle.

    Only if you’ve never met a white Southerner. I also heard it in Indiana from people who were distinctly white. (The weirdos from Bedford said Yuns.)

    Also, “Oh, sucks.” Is that a new thing the kids are saying?

  45. VCarlson said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:47

    In a semi-topical vein (clueless arrogant entitled Republican cis man, but I repeat myself), how ’bout that GOP Rep recently caught for coke possession?

    In a tale of bitter irony (and massive hypocrisy), news has just surfaced that Republican Florida Representative Trey Radel was busted last month for cocaine possession.  Why is this both ironic and hypocritical, you ask?  Well, Rep. Radel was one of many House Republicans who voted for a bill that would allow states to require all recipients of welfare to be drug tested prior to receiving benefits.

    Also, it seems he really is using the Rob Ford defense:

    In a statement released by his office, Radel said the, “disease of alcoholism led to an extremely irresponsible choice.  As the father of a young son and a husband to a loving wife, I need to get help so I can be a better man for both of them.”

  46. VCarlson said,

    November 20, 2013 at 21:49

    Also, “Oh, sucks.” Is that a new thing the kids are saying?

    I assumed it was short for “sucks to be you.”

  47. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:03

    That’s not quite true. I understand a lobotomy can be performed quite successfully using any number of common household implements by sufficient exposure to Fox News and talk radio.

  48. Arakasi said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:03

    If you want to talk about “deserve” then based upon this sample, Matt Walsh deserves to starve to death in a ditch somewhere, with his only companions the rats waiting for his body to stop twitching.

    Since I am a soft-hearted liberal, however, I like to see him live out his days in a subsidized apartment with the basic necessities of life paid for. He can live out the rest of his natural lifespan annoying the neighbors and maintaining his Blogger page with the free internet access at the library

  49. tsam said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:07

    Why do they call them “urban” legends? Most of that “OMFG SCARY BLACKS” bullshit comes from the suburbs and rural areas.

  50. Angry Mooching Librul said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:13

    And I know all about the geographic locations in America where they call water fountains bubblers.

  51. tsam said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:15

    Since I’m a trigger happy instigating dickhead, check out this video by Sarah Silverman, in which she clearly defines a critical distinction.

  52. Chris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:29

    Wish I could add something to this, but I really can’t; Cerb got it spot on.

    Another day, another asshole.

  53. Chris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:38

    I applied online yesterday to a dollar store chain and by all the questions and background search (including “address history”) I’d have thought was applying to transfer uraninium from secret site to secret site.

    Yarp.

    It infuriates me the amount of hoops they make you jump through for the “bottom of the barrel” jobs that according to The Market are so sub par that a trained ape could do them. If it’s all so easy, then why are you even bothering with applications at all? Pick a bum off a street bench.

    I’ll avoid the usual rant at please-BS-me questions like “where do you see yourself in five years?” “Why do you want this job?” “What is your greatest weakness?” “Name a situation when [whatever].”

  54. Arakasi said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:39

    It just occurred to me that if Walsh wanted to feign humanity, he could have actually requested an application. If his suspicion was correct and they did give him an application*, he could have taken it and passed it on to the men who were just turned down. Maybe they figured that just asking for an application did not require a suit and tie. Maybe they were in the store for some shopping and figured that it couldn’t hurt to ask as long as they were there.

    *something I really do doubt, BTW. Generally the front line employees at the customer service desk aren’t expected to cull out potential employees. If she said that she didn’t think they were hiring, it means that the store manager hasn’t told her when/if they are going to start staffing up. Of course, we’ll never know since he didn’t bother to test his hypothesis and just assumed it was true

  55. St. Pupienus of PENIS said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:43

    tsam said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:15 (kill)

    BZZZZZZTTTTT The link is the one I posted earlier to the outaged pastor photo.

    Try again.

  56. Chris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:47

    How exactly did he jump from the statement “everyone deserves a living wage” to “everyone deserves to demand a job from any employer, any industry”?

    This is also where I’d throw in the egregious question “since none of us asked to be born and it’s illegal to commit suicide, what exactly is so wrong with the proposition ‘the world owes everyone a living?’” But that’s a heresy so foul and so unnatural against our current mindset, one which gets into all these insanely politically incorrect uncomfortable concepts like “no one gets anywhere on their own,” “it takes a village,” “I am my brother’s keeper” and all that Christian family values Communist crap that there’s no point. We might as well talk about the economics of Star Trek, which have about as good a chance of happening right now.

  57. Hungry Joe said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:48

    Yeah, I am so, SO convinced that this exchange took place: “When I worked as a shift manager at a pizza place eight years ago, I once had a dude walk in with his SHIRT OFF and slung over his shoulder. He came up to the counter and said, ‘what’s up? I need a job.’ I said, ‘I’m sure you do. Goodbye.’ ” So in this article the self-effacing but What-can-I-tell-you?-It’s-the-truth Walsh is the hero of two imaginary exchanges — one at the customer service counter and one at the pizza place.

    And the one at the pizza place is surely imaginary — because if it weren’t, the truth would compel the self-effacing but relentlessly honest Walsh to inform us that the dude proceeded to beat the holy crap out of him.

  58. tsam said,

    November 20, 2013 at 22:54

    How about now?

  59. Chris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:01

    Oh, fuck it. I actually am getting into this;

    Where’s your determination? Where’s your “give me a chance, I’ll do anything” spirit?

    If you say that out loud, the hiring manager will hear “I just want a job, any job,” which is exactly what people like you always tell people like me never to say on job interviews because it makes us sound like desperate people who just want the paycheck rather than people who are deeply committed on an aesthetic and moral level to the concept of creating hamburgers.

    Young people used to be revolutionaries. They used to be worldshakers. They used to be radicals, I’m told.

    If only they were like that again! Then we could watch cops and National Guardsmen cheerfully gunning them down on the evening TV again. But – damn them! – they’re actually going out there and asking for jobs, trying to join the ranks of “productive members of society” like we always told them to. And now we’re forced to sheepishly tell them that, well, that’s actually the last thing we wanted from them. (At least from those who aren’t white).

    They used to say, “give me a job cleaning toilets, and next week I’ll run this place.”

    And then the store owner would say “running the place is my job, you little shit, and if you think you’re going to take it away from me, you got another thought coming. Now get the fuck out of here. I’m going to keep going through the chain of applicants until I find the people who know how to grovel, and then make them jump through a whole other bunch of hoops until I decide which one amuses me most.”

    They used to be on fire with determination and ambition. They used to have dreams and they used to live and die for those dreams.

    And again we’re back to the sixties and seventies and the fate of the people who “had dreams and ambitions.” Young people fired up with dreams and ambitions and following up on them is the last thing people like you want, and you’ve made it abundantly clear for the last fifty years. You wanted an indentured serf force full of unemployed people, all of whom could be relied on to know their place. It’s what you got. Congratulations. If the result of that is that instead of happy, motivated workers, you get punch-clock drones who know perfectly well that they’re only cogs in a machine and act accordingly, you can hardly complain; that’s the world going according to your plan.

  60. The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:04

    This is Cerb’s most righteous rant yet. Honest to shit, I’m ready for the torch-and-pitchfork solution right the fuck now! Well, I could cobble together some kind of torch, but I don’t have a pitchfork…I’ve got a pickax, though! Think that would do?

    <pet peeve>Skid Row Road</pet peeve>

  61. St. Pupienus of PENIS said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:11

    Yep, that’s it.

  62. Shakezula said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:12

    Young people used to be revolutionaries. They used to be worldshakers. They used to be radicals, I’m told.

    Wait, how old is this little blood clot? I got the impression he was in this mid-20′s so which Young People is he talking about? It can’t be the icky hippies who wanted to turn on and tune out or the horrible brown people who said they DESERVED to be treated as human beings.

    Or are we back to the neocon dumbholes wailing for the ever elusive Good Old Days(TM) that didn’t ever actually occur?

  63. Pupienus said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:15

    They used to be on fire with determination and ambition. They used to have dreams and they used to live and die for those dreams.

    What, you mean those lazy DFH’s? The dreams they died for weren’t their own, they were the dreams of General Westmoreland and other lying liars.

  64. Chris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:16

    It just occurred to me that if Walsh wanted to feign humanity, he could have actually requested an application. If his suspicion was correct and they did give him an application*, he could have taken it and passed it on to the men who were just turned down. Maybe they figured that just asking for an application did not require a suit and tie. Maybe they were in the store for some shopping and figured that it couldn’t hurt to ask as long as they were there.

    He also could’ve, you know, told them “hey folks, this is what you’re doing wrong. Next place you stop at, do this and this and this, and they’ll take you much more seriously.” Ditto the may-or-may-not-actually-exist dude applying for a job without a shirt. Tell him “sorry, you blew your chance. Show up at your next interview properly dressed and ask a little more respectfully and you’ll have a better chance.”

    I mean, they’re always telling us about the lack of good parenting and things like that in the inner cities. Maybe These People have just never had the proper guidance; maybe they’ve never been taught how to be proper and respectful so it just plain doesn’t occur to them now: you, the hero of Hardworking Real America, had an opportunity to give them that guidance right there. Just one, thirty second After School Special speech to take out of your day, that’s all it would’ve taken. Right?

    Of course, he didn’t do that. Because as much as his heart’s bleeding all over the carpet from the lack of moral fiber in our generation, he has zero interest in setting the people who “break his heart” onto the right course. The point of this little exercise was just to give him another couple hours on the right wing blogosphere to talk about his superiority over These People.

  65. Pupienus said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:18

    Or perhaps he means the Michael Milkens who did not, sadly, die but at least they went to prison.

  66. tsam said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:20

    Fucking kids these days. **sigh**

    I grew up in the 80s and heard all this same bullshit from old cranks.

    Always will the lazy be among ye. Mistake them not for those with a modicum of dignity.

  67. Pupienus said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:23

    Leftover (VERY buttery) mashed potatoes fried in butter with scallions (white and geen parts) to get a nice crispy crust is TO FUCKING DIE FOR.

  68. Chris said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:29

    Last point – I think -

    And it allows me to see that a certain portion of the population can’t even be bothered to speak in full sentences when searching for employment opportunities.

    … and once again, we the folks who told us that George Bush’s “nookyular,” Sarah Palin’s “refudiate,” Dan Quayle’s… fuck, let’s not even go there… were all adorable regionalisms, that proved what folksy, in-touch, “real” people they were, not at all like those long-winded intellectuals like that boring Mr. Kerry and that elitist Mr. Obama… suddenly deciding that it’s inappropriate and lazy for a black man to say “y’all got applications?”

    This, again, for a “bottom of the barrel” job where you would think the ability to use ten SAT words in each sentence wouldn’t be especially crucial… but somehow the standards are lower when you get to the Presidency or Vice Presidency of the United States. That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? … unless you’re telling me that it was actually something else about these job-seeking youths that set him off, not his diction. But naaahh. The National Review tells me racism doesn’t exist, and why would a political rag ever lie to me? I ask you.

  69. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:34

    I grew up in the 80s and heard all this same bullshit from old cranks.

    I’m sure some Roman back in the year 80 was saying the same thing.

    “Claudius I tell you kids these days……..”

  70. Austin Loomis said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:38

    Helmut, don’t forget partywhistling. (Warning: link goes to Goonland. Memetic prophylactic may come in handy.)

  71. Major Kong said,

    November 20, 2013 at 23:43

    instead of happy, motivated workers, you get punch-clock drones who know perfectly well that they’re only cogs in a machine and act accordingly

    As they used to say in the Soviet days:

    “They pretend to pay us so we pretend to work.”

  72. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 0:21

    Where’s your determination? Where’s your “give me a chance, I’ll do anything” spirit?

    These guys were asking for applications, right? Should they have offered the manager a blow, too?

  73. bbkf said,

    November 21, 2013 at 0:38

    oh look…matt’s not the only one who is clueless and condescending! here’s a guest post from his sister chrissie:

    In my experience, one of the greatest challenges of parenting is letting go of the expectation that my time, my resources, and my body are mine to dispose of. It’s not an easy mental adjustment, particularly in the midst of a pervasive cultural mantra which says that I have a right to these things that no one may interfere with.

    And as a woman, so I am told, I must above all, first and foremost, protect the sole and absolute claim I have on my body. There is no pledge I can make of my body that I should not be able to take back.
    So say the legions of feminists who have protested, leafleted, marched, written and spoken on my behalf.

    The problem is, my children seemed to have missed the cultural memo.

    My two daughters’ need for my body did not stop when I gave birth to them.

  74. VCarlson said,

    November 21, 2013 at 0:44

    My two daughters’ need for my body did not stop when I gave birth to them.

    The concept of “choice” seems to have eluded her completely, hasn’t it?

  75. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 0:45

    It’s bad enough they all act like they invented work. Now apparently they invented motherhood as well.

  76. El Manquécito said,

    November 21, 2013 at 1:07

    Let’s ask DKW.

  77. bbkf said,

    November 21, 2013 at 1:09

    The concept of “choice” seems to have eluded her completely, hasn’t it?

    both matt and his sister choose to not see the ‘before’ picture, don’t they?

  78. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 1:47

    Now apparently they invented motherhood as well.

    Reminds me of Chris Rock and his line about how if a black dentist were to move to his Sugar Hill, N.J. neighborhood, he’d have to have done something special, like inventing teeth.

  79. KatWillow said,

    November 21, 2013 at 1:51

    SO! Well dressed, affluent & educated appearing people are more likely to get a job than poor folk!

    WHAT a suprise!

  80. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 2:08

    So I thought black people were lazy and didn’t want to work?

    Now apparently it’s just that they have poor interview skills?

    It’s so hard to keep up sometimes.

  81. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 2:15

    Disingenuity^n. SOME of these unemployed folks just AREN’T TRYING HARD ENOUGH. We’re not allowed to say that.

    Ummm d00d, you just said it. No one is stopping you from saying it. Criminy, lots of people – America’s Dumbest Homosexual™ for example – ENCOURAGE you to say it. What you really mean of course is that you’re no longer allowed to accost people, scream in their faces, and actually kick them as you so feveredly want to do.

  82. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 21, 2013 at 2:15

    Let’s ask DKW.

    Motherhood is tough times. Not only are mew moms judged by the most strict and arbitrary manner, those judgements come with the added weight of supposedly being in the interest of their kids. So the criticisms carry extra weight, especially with the victims, regardless of how ignorant and asinine they are. On top of actually doing the job they are constantly being told they are failing at.

    I try to do my part, relieving their stress and reminding them that they are in fact human beings with identities and needs outside of providing infant care.

    Plus as new moms, their boobs are stupendously huge.

  83. jim, desperately seeking Species Reassignment said,

    November 21, 2013 at 2:41

    Jonah’s intern will surely have had their bootstraps confiscated … along with their belt … & their tie … & their shoelaces …

  84. Failure Artist said,

    November 21, 2013 at 2:44

    Motherhood is too important to force on anyone. Only women who want to undergo pregnacy and childbirth should have to go through them.

  85. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 3:22

    Only women who want to undergo pregnacy and childbirth should have to go through them.

    Especially since childbirth can be fatal even in the 21st Century.

  86. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 4:11

    Ooooh boy. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=641621315888284&set=pb.100001212640805.-2207520000.1384927560.&type=3&theater

  87. VCarlson said,

    November 21, 2013 at 4:18

    Ooooh boy. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=641621315888284&set=pb.100001212640805.-2207520000.1384927560.&type=3&theater

    No shit. I certainly hope the Feds are watching him very closely. And I say this as someone who’s no fan (to put it mildly) of surveillance.

  88. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 4:18

    mew moms

    ones who just had kittens?

  89. VCarlson said,

    November 21, 2013 at 4:24

    And if I’d ever had any doubts, Mr. Wilhelmsen makes it perfectly clear that the Second Amendment is the only part that matters.

    And betcha he really wanted to say the 22nd, not the 19th.

  90. Dragon-King Wangchick said,

    November 21, 2013 at 4:27

    My fingers get a little slippery when dealing with mothers.

  91. Chris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 4:48

    As they used to say in the Soviet days:

    “They pretend to pay us so we pretend to work.”

    Yes. And no.

    The problem with American employers is that they want to have the cake and eat it too. They want to only pretend to pay their employees. But they want the employees to really work in return.

    No, scratch that. Not “want.” They expect their employees to really work in return. It is their God given right that their employees work their hardest no matter how badly they’re paid. They’re entitled to pay third world wages and receive a first world workforce in return. Worse than that, they actually think the world works that way, and they really and sincerely don’t understand that there’s a direct line between their inability to get the results they want, and their unwillingness to pay the price for these results.

    This is what happens when you spend thirty or forty years telling people that their shit doesn’t smell bad. This is what happens when every time there’s an economic crisis, every time a company goes under, all the Serious People immediately rush to provide them with a scapegoat (“the government,” “the unions,” “the lack of work ethic in the American workforce”) and never discuss the possibility that maybe it’s the management (a.k.a. “the people who actually make the decisions”) that fucked up. You end up with 1%ers so grotesquely entitled that they no longer understand even the most basic facts of economics, even a principle as simple as “you get what you pay for.”

  92. S. cerevisiae said,

    November 21, 2013 at 4:48

    I’m sure some Roman back in the year 80 was saying the same thing.

    “Claudius I tell you kids these days……..”

    If I remember right from long ago college days Aristotle wrote something saying basically this.

  93. Substance McGravitas said,

    November 21, 2013 at 9:43

    A mother has a hard road to follow.

  94. Arakasi said,

    November 21, 2013 at 15:21

    Yeah, whatever happened to the good old days when people were only beaten up or killed for legitimate reasons, such as being in the wrong neighborhood with dark skin, or holding hands with another guy?

  95. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 15:26

    Why isn’t Republican Governor Corbett protecting the citizens of Pennsylvania? That must be why he only has a 17% approval rating.

  96. bulbul said,

    November 21, 2013 at 15:30

    I actually scrolled through his blog because I’m, well, fucking stupid. It’s one of those “here’s stuff I’m pissed at” blogs and his list is:
    - kids
    - parents
    - feminists (or possibly women)
    - people who shop on Thanksgiving
    - people who don’t return their shopping carts
    - liberals (because they’re booooring)
    - Christians
    - our culture.
    etc.
    This guy hates everyone and everything. So basically he’s just another asshole on AM.

  97. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:23

    Sacco and Vanzetti were getting revenge for Trayvon Martin, I read it on Big Brietbart, so it must be true.

  98. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:30

    Help, help, racialist anger is being fermented against me! Somebody get me my shotgun and a pregnant woman, I feel another ground-standing coming on!

  99. Failure Artist said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:34

    Don’t worry, Dennis, we’ll call off our secret army of blah youth if you just leave.

  100. Failure Artist said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:37

    But people who shop on Thanksgiving are terrible. Go home to your families instead of trampling a retail worker a day early!

  101. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:37

    Do I have to worry about one of them playing the Knockout Game on me?

    No, just the Crying Game.

  102. El Manquécito said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:39

    Perhaps one can ferment anger but I don’t recommend fomenting beer.

  103. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:42

    Does formic acid foment ant attacks?

  104. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:45

    LL Cool J was formatting racialized anger with his hit single, “Mamma Said Knock You Out (for Trayvon)”.

  105. Arakasi said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:48

    Wow. You really are as stupid as you look.

  106. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:49

    dumb, lazy and cowardly.

    And if there’s anyone around who demonstrates those three qualities in their rhetoric on a regular basis, it’s the Pennis.

  107. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:53

    They expect their employees to really work in return. It is their God given right that their employees work their hardest no matter how badly they’re paid. They’re entitled to pay third world wages and receive a first world workforce in return.

    Heh, I bet Walsh will NEVER write an article decrying the entitled mentality of employers, who apparently DO deserve to pay employees starvation wages and expect not just hard work but gratitude in return. Bassesse oblige.

  108. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 16:56

    It’s almost impressive how tenaciously D-wad is clinging to the “any act of violence anywhere in America = “HURR HUUR JUSTICE 4 TRAYVON” theory, despite the fact that none of the articles he keeps jerking off to even attempt to make that connection.

  109. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:03

    His desperation to demonstrate and demonize blah and brown teenagers has caused him to completely lose whatever remnants of common sense that were remaining in his tiny, underdeveloped cerebrum.

  110. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:07

    “any act of violence anywhere in America = “HURR HUUR JUSTICE 4 TRAYVON”

    Including Zimmerman assaulting his pregnant girlfriend? META.

  111. kg said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:12

    tenaciously D-wad

    Sorry, band name already taken by Jack Black.

  112. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:14

    The fact that “Smash Mouth” appeared in 99% of movies released in the 20th century is proof that Hollywood liberals were fomenting racialist anger as revenge for Trayvon.

  113. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:25

    Repeating the same thing over and over and expecting different results:

    That’s Pennis in a nutshell, emphasis on the first part of the word.

  114. tsam said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:33

    Heh, I bet Walsh will NEVER write an article decrying the entitled mentality of employers, who apparently DO deserve to pay employees starvation wages and expect not just hard work but gratitude in return. Bassesse oblige.

    Clearly you have no idea how lucky your are that some entrepreneur rockstar supergenius would deign to give you a job when there are 100 guys lined up around the block for it. You’re a taker, he’s a maker. Now get back to work.

  115. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:43

    Entrepreneur rockstar supergeniuses might be able to make a case for not paying super well, at least if they give stock options to employees to make up for under-market salaries. Walmart and McD are not headed by entrepreneur rockstar supergeniuses, though, nor are most companies, but rather by overpaid bullshit artists who are more robber baron than thought leader.

  116. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:50

    I had stock options when I worked in IT.

    When I left the company they were worthless because they were below the strike price. I still have company stock that’s worth about 10 cents on the dollar.

    It was pretty common in the tech sector for much of your retirement to be in company stock. When the company went under you’d lose your job and your retirement. Win!

  117. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 21, 2013 at 17:53

    Justice for Trayvon won’t happen if George Zimmerman gets convicted of some random act of violent stupidity. Justice for Trayvon won’t happen because of alleged violent assaults by random people on random victims. Justice for Trayvon would start with repealing ‘stand your ground’ Justice for Trayvon would mean no one gets shot again by violent authoritarians. Justice for Trayvon would mean the NRA and the gun manufacturers be exposed to criminal and civil liability for the all of the murders and suicides they enable. Justice for Trayvon means a fundamental change in society so that no person regardless of age or sex or race or religion or any criteria at all is considered fair game for the violent authoritarian fantasists, further that no perpetrator of violence is shielded from the legal consequences of their actions.

    So there won’t be justice for Trayvon because too many people are profiting handsomely from perpetuating the system that funnels the tools of violence to those for whom violence is a first last and only resort.

  118. JoeBuddha said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:10

    I knew it was bad for Transgender folx in this country, but not THAT bad. As a cis-gender middle-class male in this society, it’s tough for me to understand what those who struggle with these things go through, but I try my best. (Sorry I’m not as good with words as Cerberus)

    Just to show we’re not all barbarians, though: I had a coworker who transitioned while I was working with her. Not only did she get full support from her coworkers, but management scheduled a two-hour meeting with a representative of a local advocate group to give a talk and answer questions while she was undergoing therapy. She’s now a face-book friend (we both left the company for different reasons), a software developer, and an aspiring model. Here’s hoping for many more stories like this.
    (Only in the Great North-Wet)

  119. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:11

    Yeah, Major Kong, you shouldn’t have listened to those folks at the company who told you to hang on to the options long-term for your retirement account.

    It’s not like you couldn’t have put them in an IRA or 401K like anybody can with any sort of financial assets.

  120. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:18

    That’s what IRAs and 501Ks are for.

    No, 501(k)s are childcare organizations exempt from income tax. Why are the GOP’s minions so comically, painfully stupid?

  121. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:21

    Some companies require you to hold company stock in the 401(k) plan. I’ve even heard of some offering no other option, but never seen it myself.

  122. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:24

    Actually I did (and still do) have a 401K from that company.

    I also have one from my time as full-time Air National Guard GS-13.

    I also have a “B Fund” with my current employer, which is essentially a 401K.

    Plus I have a defined benefits plan (remember those) with my current employer.

    Oh, and I have a military (reserve) retirement that will start paying out when I turn 60.

  123. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:25

    I seem to recall the stock options couldn’t be exercised prior to a certain date and by the time that date rolled around they weren’t worth anything.

  124. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:30

    Some companies require you to hold company stock in the 401(k) plan. I’ve even heard of some offering no other option, but never seen it myself..

    Raytheon.

  125. tsam said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:31

    Entrepreneur rockstar supergeniuses might be able to make a case for not paying super well, at least if they give stock options to employees to make up for under-market salaries

    No, I disagree. If you can’t pay a living wage, your business is broken. Stock options are a free way to shut people up. I’d rather have money than bet on a company doing well despite hiring employees it can’t afford to pay. You either pay a decent wage or GTFO.

  126. Chris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:33

    I actually scrolled through his blog because I’m, well, fucking stupid. It’s one of those “here’s stuff I’m pissed at” blogs and his list is:
    - kids
    - parents
    - feminists (or possibly women)
    - people who shop on Thanksgiving
    - people who don’t return their shopping carts
    - liberals (because they’re booooring)
    - Christians
    - our culture.

    A South Park Republican, eh?

  127. Anonymous said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:39

    I see we’ve reached, “Say that to my face fucker not online, and see what happens,” territory and it’s not even noon.

  128. Whale Chowder said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:40

    I seem to recall the stock options couldn’t be exercised prior to a certain date and by the time that date rolled around they weren’t worth anything.

    As a high tech employee for nearly all of my so-called career, I can’t count the number of stock options I received that were never worth anything. I always approached pay negotiations with the view that I needed a wage&benefit package that would support my family and that the options amounted to being given a lotto ticket. I’ve been proven right far more often than not, as further evidenced by my extensive collection of t-shirts from companies that no longer exist.

  129. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:42

    Major Kong didn’t work for Raytheon, Pupienus.

    Compuware (CPWR)

    Currently trading at $10.71, about where it’s been since I left in 2001.

  130. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:49

    401Ks are typically offered by companies for their employees retirement. The company puts in a certain % of the employees’ wage into the account, the employee typically as a minimum amount that they have to match from their salary/wage income, if they put in more, the company will match the increased amount up to a certain %, like, say 10%.

    Like IRAs, the 401K is allowed to accumulate interest tax-free, the tax being deferred until money is withdrawn during retirement, when the marginal tax rate is usually lower, as retirement typically means a lower income than when the worker was actively employed.

    Many companies allow loans from the 401K to the worker for various reasons, if the loan isn’t repaid within a reasonable amount of time, say three years, then the loan is treated as an early distribution without exception. That means it’s not only treated as ordinary income, but is subject to a 15% early withdrawal penalty, which in the case of someone doing so in CA can lead to as much as 27.5% tax on such income(10% federal rate on ordinary income, 15% early distribution penalty, 2.5% early distribution CA income tax penalty), even if there is no other federal or CA liability because of the level of income earned in a given year.

    If a taxpayer leaves a job with a 401K account, the money can be rolled over into a new or pre-existing IRA account, from institution to institution. The taxpayer cannot take direct possession of the funds, as that would be considered as an early distribution.

    DA, I could tell you more about 401Ks from memory and type it faster than you could google copy and paste it here.

    Except you forgot that I worked seasonally as a tax preparer for many years and dealt with them both as retirement income and as loans that became early distributions. I don’t know as much about them as someone with an SEC license would, but I didn’t have to look up anything or refresh my memory as to how they work.

    Now, if you want to believe that you’ve achieved yet another victory over me in my supposed habitation in my garage, please feel free in your next comment to tell us about your wonderful job and your lovely wife Morgan Fairchild as well.

  131. jim, desperately seeking Species Reassignment said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:50

    “Some people are shiftless slacker bastards, ergo we must pass the Walsh Death-Camp Wage Act of 2014″ seems to have a lot of missing “?????” right before the “ergo” part.

    Also too, this particular Protestant Work Ethic spiel rings a tad hollow coming from some generic online twunt who’s nakedly wriggling after some kind of a sinecure or niche in the Wingnut Welfare ecosystem … a place where actual work is for interns … a place that actively despises the very concept of standards of any kind … & a place where even Dunning-Kruger aces like Feith, Kristol & Brooks can make millions per annum by promoting pure idiocy.

    Oh, & any time some asshat says they’re “on a mission,” grab onto your wallet for dear life & don’t let go.

  132. Major Kong said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:50

    That’s OK Dennis. I’ll relish the thought of your taxes paying for my military retirement and tricare.

  133. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 18:53

    Tsam, I wasn’t talking about starvation wages, just under-market ones for what are typically high pay jobs; if people share in the risk they should share in any reward, rather than it being all one way as it is in many companies. I agree if you can’t pay people enough to live on you should do the work your own damn self.

  134. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 19:00

    Here’s a link to the Wiki on 401(k) to see whether pigboy is correct about my explanation being a copypasta job, folks.

  135. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 19:01

    “I also have a 40l(k) plus etc”
    “Ha ha, you are so dumb to have only relied on options for your retirement!”

    It’s true, everyone is now quite sure one of these two commenters is dumb.

  136. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 19:11

    From another site:

    bughunter
    Posted November 20, 2013 at 6:33 PM

    What did they discover at Discovery Church? Fire? Stone Tools?

    Oh wait… don’t tell me: not another Invisible Man in the Sky!

    Izzat you, bughunter?

  137. tigris said,

    November 21, 2013 at 19:19

    Aw, shucks, you do care. Anyway, for folks playing at home here’s what he really said.

  138. bbkf said,

    November 21, 2013 at 19:46

    This guy hates everyone and everything. So basically he’s just another asshole on AM.

    yeah, pretty much…and his added bonus of ‘i’m a wise and mature 20something and you dang kids get off my lawn’ schtick just adds to awesomeness dislikability…the only thing about him that makes me chuckle and not want to junkpunch him is the fact that he’s on the wingnut welfare gravy train and that he asks for donations on his blog, both of which, as we well know are NOT bootstrappy at all…

  139. Crissa said,

    November 21, 2013 at 19:46

    I have found alot of seasonal hiring happens in August. See, you’re supposed to apply online back in August, before the seasonal stores even open. Then you’re supposed to be available for months on end, then when you do get called in, you’ll have to go somewhere you can’t get to on public transportation, at weird times.

    And then when you do get a job, you’ll be assigned to a random store which will probably be two towns from here. Then maybe you’ll be called in for some hours in late November.

    Yeah. Ugh.

    I know, comment is late. latelatelate.

  140. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 20:09

    Reid actually nuked the Senate. Never thought it would happen. Can you hear the keening, the cries of “TYRANNY!” Pass the popcorn.

  141. VCarlson said,

    November 21, 2013 at 20:24

    And then when you do get a job, you’ll be assigned to a random store which will probably be two towns from here. Then maybe you’ll be called in for some hours in late November.

    One of the reasons for this is the lackwits who currently control things have allowed the obviously false (if you think about it) belief that any and all businesses must be continually growing to be successful (in a living system, that’s called “cancer”). One of the easy ways to do this (and these guys are all about the easy – for them – way) is to acquire other businesses (which isn’t really growing, it’s engulfing, but it kinda looks like growth if you squint). Which is how you wind up with something called “Macy’s” which isn’t really Macy’s, but a nameplate stuck on an agglomeration of former regional department stores, one of which was Macy’s. And because the easiest way to grow profits for the Owners is to use any means possible to reduce the amount you pay the workers, your workers can’t afford to live reasonably near stores with a decent profit margin. Also, of course, if you’re defining hiring practices for SuperMegaMart, you’re not thinking about people, you’re making the most efficient use of available assets, because the Countries you’ve bought say you can.

    Just venting, sorry.

  142. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 20:26

    A good boxer knows when to deliver the Sunday Punch, even if it’s done on a Thursday.

  143. VCarlson said,

    November 21, 2013 at 20:28

    Reid actually nuked the Senate. Never thought it would happen.

    About damn time. I wonder what finally jarred him from his fantasy world in ehich the GOP wasn’t going to declare the Dems an illegal gathering the next time they were in the majority.

  144. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 20:53

    I’m sorry, progressive quarter-wit, but Reid has demonstrated he’s not a gutless wonder like you:

    Reid served as chairman of the Nevada Gaming Commission from 1977 to 1981. When Jack Gordon, LaToya Jackson’s future agent and husband, offered Reid a $12,000 bribe to approve new games for casinos, Reid brought in the FBI to tape Gordon’s bribery attempt and arrest him. After FBI agents interrupted the transaction, as prearranged, Reid lost his temper and began choking Gordon, saying “You son of a bitch, you tried to bribe me!” Gordon was convicted in 1979 and sentenced to six months in prison.[1] In 1981, Reid’s wife found a bomb attached to the family station wagon; Reid suspected it was placed by Gordon.[1]

  145. VCarlson said,

    November 21, 2013 at 20:56

    I love it how the wingnuts are tacitly acknowledging Junior’s failures like Iraq and Katrina as the massive fuckups they were by trying to make anything of Obama’s an equivalent. Kinda like Nixon’s Watergate (another massively arrogsnt fuckup/abuse of power) got used.

  146. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:05

    After FBI agents interrupted the transaction, as prearranged, Reid lost his temper and began choking Gordon, saying “You son of a bitch, you tried to bribe me!”

    Emended that for ya.

  147. Ye Olde Scorekeeper said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:25

    As a matter of general interest, Dennis has posted 44 times in 100 minutes. That makes, ummm, let me see, yes! an average of one post every 4.4 minutes.

  148. Ye Olde Scorekeeper said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:29

    Nope sorry. One every 2 1/2 minutes. I let that nice round 100 lead me down the garden path.

  149. Anonymous™ said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:33

    But did Harry Reid knockout the filibuster as revenge for Trayvon?

    (Hint: YES OF COURSE HE DID, DURR.)

  150. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:36

    Nope sorry. One every 2 1/2 minutes. I let that nice round 100 lead me down the garden path.

    1) Post rightwing copypasta incessantly on liberal snark blog.
    2) ???
    3) PROFIT!

  151. Anonymous™ said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:39

    Read the whole thing.

    But I didn’t see anything in there about “goons” (or “gorch gunkies”, or plain old “giggers”) taking revenge for Trayvon. Why have you abandoned the Messiah Zimmerman in His hour of need?

  152. Ye Olde Scorekeeper said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:39

    Sigh. I really can do math. And count. Just not today.

  153. Shakezula said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:43

    I love it how the wingnuts are tacitly acknowledging Junior’s failures like Iraq and Katrina as the massive fuckups they were by trying to make anything of Obama’s an equivalent.

    Not surprising given the GOP repeatedly compares abortion to the Holocaust and slavery.

    It’s like they know people don’t like these things, but because Republicans don’t have any problem with wide scale death, destruction and suffering of the nasty “others,” (which includes soldiers) they don’t understand why. So you get these really bizarre metaphors that are the equivalent of saying “Grapefruit is Venomous spider!” or even “Dirty dishes are a Rabid Dog!”

  154. El Manquécito said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:44

    1) Post rightwing copypasta incessantly on liberal snark blog.
    2) ???
    3) PROFIT!

    IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROFIT, SEE?

  155. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 21, 2013 at 21:49

    Then, you ban that boogie sound.

  156. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 22:00

    Sigh. I really can do math. And count. Just not today.

    I can do math. Really well. My problem is I can’t hardly do arithmetic.

  157. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 22:43

    This is funny.

    Hey, we finally agree on something. That is, where “this” is self-referent and “funny” means pathetic.

  158. tsam said,

    November 21, 2013 at 23:19

    An empty coffee pot is JUST LIKE HITLER.

  159. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 23:21

    He told worshipers that the anti-gay exorcism was to show that “the church loves homosexual persons and looks upon them with compassion.”

    Such compassion!

    http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/bishop-paprocki-leads-anti-gay-exorcism#sthash.0M97Otso.dpuf

  160. bbkf said,

    November 21, 2013 at 23:29

    pup, i read this the other night…thought you might find it interesting…although the hypocrisy will no doubt not be a surprise…

  161. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 21, 2013 at 23:30

    [whore]My profound thoughts on the Failibuster kerfluffle.[/whore]

  162. Pupienus said,

    November 21, 2013 at 23:59

    bbkf, at another site I put it this way: “You’re evil!” Such love! Such compassion!

    To which someone replied: Remember, he’s a member of the same institution that taught that burning people alive was saving them.

  163. bbkf said,

    November 22, 2013 at 0:11

    Remember, he’s a member of the same institution that taught that burning people alive was saving them.

    it’s funny and sad at the same time! the vf article i found fascinating in that i didn’t realize that gay clergy was so rampant in the vatican city…also too that it is mostly accepted except when it isn’t or when someone’s on a power trip…

    it’s weird…out here i hear a lot of older catholics saying, ‘the church has to change and allow priests to marry so we don’t have these problems’ yet, younger catholics are pushing their sons to become priests…

  164. Pupienus said,

    November 22, 2013 at 0:21

    POOP

  165. Angry Mooching Librul said,

    November 22, 2013 at 0:32

    I want all you Knockout Game teens to get off a my front yard.

  166. Pupienus said,

    November 22, 2013 at 0:33

    FYWP. POOP.

  167. Austin Loomis said,

    November 22, 2013 at 0:35

    Still waiting for Fauxgressive Half-the-Brains-That-You-Do to show the connection from the Knockout Game to JOOSTICE FOR DE PIPPLES JUSTICE FOR TRAYVON. And by “waiting for” I mean “not really expecting a serious attempt by”.

  168. Pupienus said,

    November 22, 2013 at 0:47

    Thanks, mods, my killfile was getting rather large.

  169. Pupienus said,

    November 22, 2013 at 0:54

    Since y’all got nuttin better to do, here’s a tip: You can listen to the soon to be released recording / DVD Paris, 1969, the celebrated Thelonious Monk concert.

    http://www.npr.org/2013/11/17/244839454/first-listen-thelonious-monk-paris-1969

  170. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 22, 2013 at 1:20

    Somebody had fun with this Rob Ford gif.

  171. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 22, 2013 at 1:22

    Since y’all got nuttin better to do, here’s a tip: You can listen to the soon to be released recording / DVD Paris, 1969, the celebrated Thelonious Monk concert.

    Oooh, thanks!

    I wish I had a bottle of this to go with it right now…

  172. Trey Radel said,

    November 22, 2013 at 1:30

    I play the knockout game. I learned it from Rob Ford. We suck down alcohol until we are knocked out. Or until we do cocaine, whichever comes first.

  173. Sirius Lunacy said,

    November 22, 2013 at 1:36

    I really feel sorry for George Zimmerman, people just keep attacking him for no reason. Funny how he only gets attacked by women and children though.

  174. Angry Mooching Librul said,

    November 22, 2013 at 2:02

    As long as they stay in Michigan, I don’t have a problem with them.

    Now for something completely different.

  175. Fenwick said,

    November 22, 2013 at 2:18

    On topic lyrics:

    Please her, please him, buy gifts
    Don’t steal, don’t lift
    Twenty years of schoolin’
    And they put you on the day shift
    Look out kid
    They keep it all hid

  176. Smut Clyde said,

    November 22, 2013 at 3:23

    Now for something completely different.
    Just home now from a Polish funeral. Managed to keep a straight face each time the word ‘potrzebie’ appeared in the liturgy.

  177. Pupienus said,

    November 22, 2013 at 4:30

    I have long been a proponent of the potrzebie system of weights and measures.

  178. Smut Clyde said,

    November 22, 2013 at 5:09

    Well D.E. Knuth, say no more. But right up front in the Introductory hymn, I hear the words “Ratuj w potrzebie” and I am looking around to check that they’re not putting me on.

  179. M. Bouffant said,

    November 22, 2013 at 6:27

    Since I am a soft-hearted liberal, however, I like to see him live out his days in a subsidized apartment with the basic necessities of life paid for. He can live out the rest of his natural lifespan annoying the neighbors and maintaining his Blogger page with the free internet access at the library.

    Hey hey hey, I can afford the iNternet right here in my subsidized apt. Now back off, you haven’t seen annoying.

  180. Major Kong said,

    November 22, 2013 at 17:31

    Since I am a soft-hearted liberal, however, I like to see him live out his days in a subsidized apartment with the basic necessities of life paid for.

    Except he has to share the apartment with Jonah and K-Lo and it has to be a reality TV show.

  181. Conspiracy Theorist said,

    November 22, 2013 at 19:47

    Alex Jones has proof that Obama’s father killed JFK.

  182. Arakasi said,

    November 22, 2013 at 19:59

    Except he has to share the apartment with Jonah and K-Lo and it has to be a reality TV show.

    Make it pay per view, and we can work on retiring the national debt.

  183. Arakasi said,

    November 22, 2013 at 20:01

    (BTW everyone – sorry about feeding the troll yesterday. I missed the name-morph and thought it was another clueless idiot. Now after the cleanup, all that is left is me hurling random insults to the ether)

  184. Chris said,

    November 22, 2013 at 20:32

    Alex Jones has proof that Obama’s father killed JFK.

    I haz a confuzed. From a wingnut POV is that good or bad?

  185. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 22, 2013 at 20:32

    Oh to the Tee:

    If any of the ‘Murkin Sadlies are looking for food-pronish Turkey day ideas, McSweeney’s made their mini cookbook “Thanksgiving Gallimaufry” (warning: pdf) available for download for free. Some tasty looking items in there — the duck recipe looks yummers.

    [/ot] We now return to your regularly scheduled troll festival, already in progress.

  186. tsam said,

    November 22, 2013 at 20:47

    I haz a confuzed. From a wingnut POV is that good or bad?

    I think wingers dig Kennedy because he tried to wipe out Castro and provided all of that valuable aid to Vietnam, which eventually turned into some awesome fap material.

  187. El Manquécito said,

    November 22, 2013 at 21:28

    The reliable and amusing Kenji Lopez-Alt in the Food Lab @ Serious Eats has excellent t-day content. I’m tempted to try the turchetta.

  188. Pupienus said,

    November 22, 2013 at 22:05

    The “cheese pate” is a riff on liptauer. I’d just go with liptauer.

  189. tsam said,

    November 22, 2013 at 22:12

    When are white leaders going to address problems with white culture?

  190. bbkf said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:05

    I’m tempted to try the turchetta.

    dare i ask?

  191. tsam said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:07

    Turchetta sounds like a turkey flavored cheese, which I’m sure I would enjoy immensely. Especially if it comes in a can.

  192. bbkf said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:08

    i just gazoogled it and it sounds mighty delightful…pork + turkey…

  193. Pupienus said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:12

    tsam fucked up the link. Again.

  194. tsam said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:19

    MOTHERFUCKERCOCKSUCKERFUCKSHITDAMMIT.

    Again…the link

  195. tsam said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:19

    Ok, I have no idea why it won’t work. Must be cuz I’m dumb.

  196. El Manquécito said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:20

    Sorry bbkf, it ain’t easy to link from the fone. Boned turkey breast, herbed, rolled, sous vide till tender then deep fried before serving. Wrapping the skin around it before tying is crucial.

  197. bbkf said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:31

    Sorry bbkf, it ain’t easy to link from the fone. Boned turkey breast, herbed, rolled, sous vide till tender then deep fried before serving. Wrapping the skin around it before tying is crucial.

    ahhh, yes…i see i mis-read the first recipe…it’s LIKE a porchetta except with turkey…still sounds freaking good…

  198. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:33

    Filipino Spaghetti Western would be a great band name, IMHO.

  199. Sirius Lunacy said,

    November 22, 2013 at 23:34

    Except he has to share the apartment with Jonah and K-Lo and it has to be a reality TV show.

    Since they only allow people who know nothing about reality on reality shows this should be very do-able.

  200. VCarlson said,

    November 23, 2013 at 0:11

    Since they only allow people who know nothing about reality on reality shows this should be very do-able.

    But would anyone be willing to watch?

  201. El Manquécito said,

    November 23, 2013 at 1:45

    I once did a whole hog belly as porchetta for a big party where I knew they’d have a commercial fryolator. Deep frying 5 kilos of herby, fatty pork rolled as a log was exciting. Needless to say it didn’t last long.

  202. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 23, 2013 at 2:12

    The Filipinos use pork belly to make lechon kawali.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYboLel-WEY

  203. Major Kong said,

    November 23, 2013 at 2:46

    When I was on Diego Garcia the cooks were Filipino. I never went hungry.

  204. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 23, 2013 at 3:36

    My wife makes very good lumpia, as they call eggrolls. Her specialty is the “Shanghai” style which is made with ground pork, ground beef, and various veggies.

  205. Fenwick said,

    November 23, 2013 at 3:42

    tsam fucked up the link. Again.

    Sorta like bbkf’s legendary tag-fails. Only more stabby.

  206. M. Bouffant said,

    November 23, 2013 at 6:05

    Huh wha?

  207. El Manquécito said,

    November 23, 2013 at 6:19

    Just trollishness MB, pay no mind, it’ll disappear soon enough.

  208. Jeffraham, Warm Cave (Now w/Ubuntu!) said,

    November 23, 2013 at 7:52

    I’m aware a Monkey’s Eyebrow is a town in Kentucky, the Dark & Bloody Ground.
    .

  209. El Manquécito said,

    November 23, 2013 at 14:58

    Pasta for b’fast AGAIN.

  210. Self-Righteous Conservative Moron® said,

    November 23, 2013 at 15:02

    Sarah Palin gives me a woodie every time I think about her.

  211. Rich Lowry said,

    November 23, 2013 at 15:03

    You too?

  212. Austin Loomis said,

    November 23, 2013 at 15:44

    I have a better idea. NBC could just yank this kind of programming. If it did, the network that provides its anchors a platform for crude daily rants

    Why the holy waltzing gently caress should I take seriously someone who can’t tell the difference between NBC and MSNBC? In terms of showing yourself as worth listening to, that’s right down there with using “Democrat” as an adjective.

  213. Self-Righteous Conservative Moron® said,

    November 23, 2013 at 16:01

    C’mon, you don’t expect me to actually read something thoroughly before doing the Ctrl-C, Ctrl-V thing with it, do you?

  214. Shakezula said,

    November 23, 2013 at 16:11

    WARNING: The Dr. Who Google Doodle will suck up your life. Stay away. No, don’t go look. Don’t Go!

  215. Self-Righteous Conservative Moron® said,

    November 23, 2013 at 17:19

    Your silly question is on me and I’ll accept full responsibility for it, and my woodie that I got from reading about Sarah Palin.

  216. Rich Lowry said,

    November 23, 2013 at 17:38

    Did you see starbursts too?

  217. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 23, 2013 at 19:29

    Except he has to share the apartment with Jonah and K-Lo and it has to be a reality TV show.

    Wouldn’t work. The Cheetoh dust fucks up the lenses, the lights, everything. The crew would be stumbling and tripping on the sammich corpses all over the floor.

  218. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 23, 2013 at 19:34

    K-Lo’s loud apologies to God for taking off her clothes to bathe coming from the bathroom would make up for it.

  219. Austin Loomis said,

    November 24, 2013 at 4:43

    I see a URL that includes the string “oliver-willis-suggests-conservatives-want-their-own-trayvon” and, even though I can well believe that’s actually what he said, I am ineluctably reminded of the words of Mr Escot in Headlong Hall: “it seldom happens that the truth can be spoken without some stricken deer pronouncing it a libel.”

  220. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 5:00

    Just saw an argument on Facebook about a fake news article how the Congressman busted for cocaine blamed his addiction on the long hours he had to put in to stop Obamacare. Some fools didn’t like the fact that it wasn’t explicitly labeled as “Satire”.

    WASHINGTON — Representative Trey Radel (R-Fla.) pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine in D.C. Superior Court on Wednesday morning, admitting he had purchased the drug as a booster to keep him going during long hours of attempting to derail President Obama’s legislation.

    “I am so sorry to be here,” Radel said Wednesday. “I have let my constituents, my country and my family down. I want to come out of this stronger and I intend to do that, to be a better man, a better husband and continue blocking this administration’s agenda.”

    According to authorities, on the evening of October 29, Radel and an acquaintance met an undercover officer who sold the pair 3.5 grams of cocaine. The congressman was arrested in his D.C. apartment later that evening.

    “Obamacare is horrible, and I found myself desperate for an extra boost,” Radel admitted in a statement released today. “Obviously I never would have turned to drugs had it not been for the way this legislation is destroying the very fabric of our great nation.”

    http://www.newslo.com/rep-radel-blames-cocaine-bust-on-obamacare-fight/

  221. Failure Artist said,

    November 24, 2013 at 5:39

    Are conservatives using it as a sign that Obamacare is bad? If it were true, it’d be more of a blow against Radel than Obamacare that he used that excuse. (hehe blow)

    newslo seems to be a low-rent The Onion.

  222. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 5:53

    Yeah, they had a good article about how Texas is going to teach schoolchildren that slaves were actually unpaid interns.

  223. Conservative Without Brains® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 17:28

    C&P troll is boring.

  224. Austin Loomis said,

    November 24, 2013 at 17:30

    As deepities go, that thing about muddy water is right up there with “When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things bought and sold are legislators” (P.J. O’Rourke) and “Things can be irrelevant to the proposition that Christianity is false, but nothing can be irrelevant to the proposition that Christianity is true” (G.K. Chesterton) and, of course, “When you can balance a tack hammer on your head, you can head off your foes with a balanced attack” (The Sphinx).

  225. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 17:38

    “When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.”

    Calvin Coolidge

  226. Major Kong said,

    November 24, 2013 at 17:47

    Cooking my annual turkey today because I’ll be stuck in Memphis on Thursday.

  227. VCarlson said,

    November 24, 2013 at 19:45

    Cooking my annual turkey today because I’ll be stuck in Memphis on Thursday.

    Going to Tx for Thanksgiving with family. The turkey will probably be smoked, which suits me fine. T-day turkey is not my fave, as, growing up, it was usually dry and accompanied by a lot of stress on Mom’s part. She hated cooking, was bad at it (from 10 or 11, I cooked dinner), felt The Turkey was her duty, and served it mid-day, which meant getting up very early (and she was not a morning person) to start it.

    Also, I don’t much care for pumpkin pie.

  228. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 20:14

    We did a slow-cooked turkey lying breast-side down, tented with AL foil @250 F for 12 hours, last year. It turned out very juicy and tender.

  229. Nym said,

    November 24, 2013 at 20:20

    I used to do a Kung Pao-style turkey stir-fry with pumpkin seeds instead of peanuts, which was well-liked and tended to not put you in a coma like the traditional turkey.

    Did mean you had to prepare as many of the dishes in advance as you could, though, since you weren’t just putting the turkey in an oven for a couple hours.

  230. Major Kong said,

    November 24, 2013 at 20:32

    Also, I don’t much care for pumpkin pie.

    I made a cheesecake. I don’t like pumpkin pie that much either.

    I’ve found very little difference between the worst pumpkin pie I’ve ever had and the best.

  231. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 24, 2013 at 20:40

    Not a big fan of pmupkin pie either. Teh Ho usually makes a pecan pie for T-day. My sister makes the best pmupkin pie I’ve ever had. She starts with whole pumpkins is probably why. But even then, as far as I’m concerned, meh.

  232. Major Kong said,

    November 24, 2013 at 20:42

    It’s like Jello – it can only be so good.

  233. bughunter, on a combination of Percocet, Valium and flexeril, will soon forget he said,

    November 24, 2013 at 20:46

    Pupienus said,
    November 21, 2013 at 19:11

    Izzat you, bughunter?

    Guilty. But I’ve been asleep since then.

    Gonna stop taking the Valium. That stuff makes me forget whole days.

  234. El Manquécito said,

    November 24, 2013 at 20:57

    I love pumpkin pie, at least the way it’s made in my family, a light moussy custard of Blue Hubbard squash, sweetened with maple. Y’all don’t have to have any.

  235. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 21:32

    They had a good article on all the “pumpkin-spice” flavored treats and snacks that in reality contain little, if any, actual pumpkin.

    The Mexicans have pumpkin turnovers, but they’re not spiced the same way as pumpkin pie filling is.

  236. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 21:32

    The article was on Salon.com

  237. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 24, 2013 at 21:34

    Gonna stop taking the Valium. That stuff makes me forget whole days.

    GABA GABA GABA Hey!

  238. Major Kong said,

    November 24, 2013 at 21:35

    That stuff makes me forget whole days.

    I can think of a few days I wouldn’t mind forgetting.

  239. tsam said,

    November 24, 2013 at 22:58

    Last year we had a pumpkin pie cheesecake. Despite a violent egg allergy, I ate it. TOTALLY WORTH IT.

  240. Pupienus said,

    November 25, 2013 at 1:48

    bughunter, didja see the update where he quoted two folks from reddit? That was me (reddit nym YourFairyGodmother).

  241. Shakezula said,

    November 25, 2013 at 2:05

    Also, I don’t much care for pumpkin pie.

    That is why the good FSM created the sweet potato.

  242. bughunter said,

    November 25, 2013 at 2:48

    Aye, Pup… riotous!

    ObT: Bean Pie > Sweet Potato Pie > Pumpkin Pie

    (Not a black muslim, but lived in a ‘hood where they sold pies door to door, along with boiled peanuts. Dam good eet’n, them pies.)

  243. VCarlson said,

    November 25, 2013 at 2:49

    That is why the good FSM created the sweet potato.

    I have a killer recipe for “Praline Sweet Potatos” that’s a good side. It involves lots of butter, rum, and brandy, among other things. True, the alcohol is burned off.

  244. bughunter said,

    November 25, 2013 at 2:49

    Peanuts weren’t bad either. Like a saltier, tastier version of edamame. Can’t eat just one…

  245. Fundamentalist Pastafarian said,

    November 25, 2013 at 2:50

    That is why the good FSM created the sweet potato.

    Ramen.

    And I see your Jesus-in-a-slice-of-toast and raise you spaghetti squash.

  246. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 25, 2013 at 3:21

    I’ve had buko pie, which is a variant of coconut cream pie, made with meat from young coconuts. On the plane back to LAX from Manila in 2004, I noticed a passenger who had a stack of 20 or so such pies, doubtlessly for family and friends when he got back to the LA area.

  247. Sirius Lunacy said,

    November 25, 2013 at 4:07

    I went to a music festival last night and for $15 I saw two excellent bands, two very good bands and two very good bands whose music was just a little outside my style preference but still worth listening to. Overall a bit over 7 hours of music with some ok b-b-q and some good craft brews. Anyway, looking over websites of the bands I really liked I ran across this from the bass player, I thought some of the musicians on here might appreciate it:

    Weinkum’s “Musicality Prayer”:

    “Miles, grant me the chops to hit any note, any time; the guts to leave some space every once in a while; and the taste to know when to do which.”

  248. Pupienus Maximus said,

    November 25, 2013 at 4:27

    Dutch-Indonesian klappertaart

    The Dutch were well known for spreading innovative sex attitudes throughout the world.

  249. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 25, 2013 at 4:37

    OTOH, the South African klappertert requires apricot jam, I have some from this years crop of apricots from our tree in the back yard, I might try to make some for Christmas time……..

  250. Major Kong said,

    November 25, 2013 at 6:03

    OK, that square’s been filled. I don’t have to cook another turkey for a year.

  251. Suezboo said,

    November 25, 2013 at 10:58

    While not for a moment descrying the klappertert, I prefer the little individual ones, known as Hertzoggies. One of my fave sweet things.

  252. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 25, 2013 at 15:03

    You are all objectively wrong about your dessert preferences and should be deported but not to Canada because that’s where I am.

    Pumpkin pie is sublime. While it is not the pinnacle of pie (pecan or key lime) it is still definitely God-Tier pastry. That there are but a handful of meals righteous enough to withstand being capped off with pumpkin pie makes forgoing that magnificent dessert even more of a travesty.

  253. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 25, 2013 at 15:14

    Maybe it’s because you’ve only had bad pumpkin pie. But that would be like giving up on burgers because you ate a Big Mac once.

    Do I put cinnamon and cloves into my pumpkin pie? On Christmas because those are the spices of Christmas. You put cinnamon and cloves into beverages for Christmas. But otherwise don’t. If you want it to taste like apple pie, make (another god damn) apple pie. Nutmeg, ginger, maple syrup. A little vanilla in the cream before whipping. And black coffee. How does anybody not like that? Well, other than vegans.

  254. Major Kong said,

    November 25, 2013 at 15:23

    You can have mine DKW.

  255. Dragon-King Wangchuck said,

    November 25, 2013 at 15:42

    Yayy pie!

  256. VCarlson said,

    November 25, 2013 at 15:57

    I grant it’s possible I’ve never had really good pumpkin pie, and my existing prejudice lowers my chances of doing so. So you can have mine, too, DKW. But not pecan or key lime. Not giving those up.

  257. Major Kong said,

    November 25, 2013 at 16:13

    The problem is I really don’t care for pumpkin, so no matter what you mix it with it’s still going to be pumpkin.

    If you put enough stuff in there to completely cover the taste of the pumpkin then it really wouldn’t be pumpkin pie any more.

  258. Austin Loomis said,

    November 25, 2013 at 16:29

    VCarlson, what you need to do is get to your nearest Longhorn Steakhouse while they’re still offering Pumpkin Spice Lava Cake. I budgeted the mortal shit out of my carbs last night just so I could have said cake for dessert, and it was fucksquisite.

  259. El Manquécito said,

    November 25, 2013 at 18:27

    I stand in solidarity with DKW on the excellence of tart like confections of the cucurbitae. I await the arrival of the reeducation squads with grim resolve.

  260. Captain Ned, H.M.S. The Raging Queen said,

    November 25, 2013 at 18:36

    You’re the one playing Baghdad Bob here, LCD, insisting that a drop in the polls = Obamacare crumbling before our very eyes.

    But, hey, a jock like you knows more about it than Paul Krugman:

    California is, however, an especially useful test case. First of all, it’s huge: if a system can work for 38 million people, it can work for America as a whole. Also, it’s hard to argue that California has had any special advantages other than that of having a government that actually wants to help the uninsured. When Massachusetts put Romneycare into effect, it already had a relatively low number of uninsured residents. California, however, came into health reform with 22 percent of its nonelderly population uninsured, compared with a national average of 18 percent.

    Finally, the California authorities have been especially forthcoming with data tracking the progress of enrollment. And the numbers are increasingly encouraging.

    For one thing, enrollment is surging. At this point, more than 10,000 applications are being completed per day, putting the state well on track to meet its overall targets for 2014 coverage. Just imagine, by the way, how different press coverage would be right now if Obama officials had produced a comparable success, and around 100,000 people a day were signing up nationwide.

    Equally important is the information on who is enrolling. To work as planned, health reform has to produce a balanced risk pool — that is, it must sign up young, healthy Americans as well as their older, less healthy compatriots. And so far, so good: in October, 22.5 percent of California enrollees were between the ages of 18 and 34, slightly above that group’s share of the population.

  261. Paul Krugman said,

    November 25, 2013 at 18:46

    Lissen up punk, in College it wasn’t me focusing on RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH! While your coke addled hero was prancing around I was busy learning.

  262. Pupienus said,

    November 25, 2013 at 19:38

    Badger invasion! But they’re so cute it’s okay.

  263. Jeffraham Prestonian via Nexus 7 said,

    November 25, 2013 at 19:47

    I love the smell of badgers in the morning.

    Just glad we ordered the seedless shitless badgers.
    .

  264. Major Kong said,

    November 25, 2013 at 19:56

    Iran has an economy the size of Alabama’s and a smaller military budget than Norway or Mexico.

    Hardly a military juggernaut poised for world domination and hardly a country to be compared to Germany or the Soviet Union circa 1940.

  265. Shakezula said,

    November 25, 2013 at 20:00

    I have a killer recipe for “Praline Sweet Potatos” that’s a good side. It involves lots of butter, rum, and brandy, among other things. True, the alcohol is burned off.

    It’s weird. I like sweet potato pie (try it with a ginger snap crust. Num), or I like them baked like regular potatoes. I’m not a fan of side dishes that feature them with lots of sugar. But praline SPs sounds like forkfuls of heaven.

    And while I’m thinking of the big orange root. I’m convinced that having them as a common part of my diet when I was very broke kept Mr. Malnutrition at bay. (Sweet potatoes, rice, peas, butter for the fat, go!)

  266. Major Kong said,

    November 25, 2013 at 20:00

    I figured it wouldn’t take long for them to dig up Neville Chamberlain’s rotting corpse and parade it around one more time.

  267. Whale Chowder said,

    November 25, 2013 at 20:17

    Hardly a military juggernaut poised for world domination and hardly a country to be compared to Germany or the Soviet Union circa 1940.

    Butbutbut nukes! Because clearly it’s in the interest of Iran to toss nukes west (against the prevailing wind) at Israel or Europe. Also because they welcome being turned into glass slag because 12th Imam. Or something.

  268. tsam said,

    November 25, 2013 at 20:19

    Hardly a military juggernaut poised for world domination and hardly a country to be compared to Germany or the Soviet Union circa 1940.

    MAJOR! You’re not following the narrative. You’re supposed to be pants-shitting afraid of a country that poses little military threat and virtually no nuclear threat whether they have a bomb or not.

    Remember the Mutually Assured Destruction doctrine? It worked.

  269. Major Kong said,

    November 25, 2013 at 20:22

    One thing about authoritarians, they usually prefer to stay alive so that they can keep authoritating.

  270. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 25, 2013 at 20:41

    Sweet potato is known as kamoti in the Philippines, they boil the leaves as well as eating the root. Ube is purple yam which is sweet enough that enhancement with sugar isn’t necessary, they make ice cream with it and a kind of pastry known as hopia, among other things.

    Kamoti is also very easy to grow, all you need are green stems that are fresh, you put them in a container of water where they’re half-immersed, and they grow leaves and roots without any additional fertilizer. Kamoti grows with water and little else in a variety of poor soils, so it’s a suitable cheap crop/food to cultivate.

  271. tsam said,

    November 25, 2013 at 20:42

    Next we’ll be wanting to open trade with Cuba. Fucking liberals–why can’t you hang on to hate?

  272. Suezboo said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:18

    Shakezula, with you on the baked sweeties. I frequently have one or two for dinner, just with loads of butter. But SA sweet potatoes are red-to-purple colour and knobbly, can get quite large. I wonder if this is a whole other breed. Hmm. Gazoogle time, I guess.

  273. Suezboo said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:23

    Nah – a sweet potato is a sweet potato is a sweet potato.
    Thank you, Wikipedia.

  274. tigris said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:24

    all you need are green stems that are fresh

    You don’t even need that; Google “sweet potato slips” and you’ll find tons of links for how to start them yourself from store-bought sweet potatoes. So easy and so good!

  275. tsam said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:27

    Sweet potatoes are gross.

  276. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:33

    Sweet potatoes are gross.

    Are not!

  277. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:36

    Of course, some sweet potatoes are sweeter than others.

  278. tsam said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:38

    R 2!

  279. Helmut Monotreme said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:42

    Iran has an economy the size of Alabama’s and a smaller military budget than Norway or Mexico.

    Hardly a military juggernaut poised for world domination and hardly a country to be compared to Germany or the Soviet Union circa 1940.

    But Alabama is a scary nuclear power! Haven’t you seen ‘Crimson Tide’?

  280. The Dark God of Time, AKA DA® said,

    November 25, 2013 at 21:55

    The stems are left over after the leaves are processed for cooking, so we use the stems. It’s the damnest thing, because they’re able to get enough iron for the chlorophyll for the leaves from what’s essentially tap water.

  281. VCarlson said,

    November 25, 2013 at 22:30

    But Alabama is a scary nuclear power! Haven’t you seen ‘Crimson Tide’?

    Who’s next?

  282. Pupienus said,

    November 25, 2013 at 23:56

    VCarlson meant Who’s next?

    Hope I got it right.

  283. Pupienus said,

    November 25, 2013 at 23:58

    Nope. FYWP
    Here’s a bare link.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGptO6j3G-U

    trying again

  284. Major Kong said,

    November 26, 2013 at 0:00

    Did you mean this one?

    Who’s Next

  285. Pupienus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 0:03

    PSA: Extensive research and testing performed over the course of the last 45 seconds indicates the FYWP will bork a link unless you have the “http://” prepended. Make sure your links have the URI scheme name (http) and the colon followed by two slashes.

  286. Pupienus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 0:04

    I believe, but can’t swear to it, that this is a new behavior. Or maybe I just never ran across it before.

  287. VCarlson said,

    November 26, 2013 at 0:18

    Doggone. Normally, I’m careful about including the http and all, but I was taking the link on faith, as YooToob informed me it’s not licensed for mobile platforms. Also, I am a trifle fatigued, having managed to doze only about 3-4 hours in the past 30 (plane flight).

  288. Popeye said,

    November 26, 2013 at 0:27

    Sweet potatoes are gross.

    I yam what I yam.

  289. Shakezula said,

    November 26, 2013 at 0:33

    Suzeboo – Yes, baked with salted butter. MAYBE a sprinkling of brown sugar if your sweet tooth is acting up.

    I too did a little research on SPs and was surprised at how well traveled they are. Although I guess I shouldn’t be surprised a tuber that keeps well has gotten around. I’ve thought of planting them for the flowers because I like morning glories, but hate the way they take over if you let them. However, I think it doesn’t stay warm enough in Maryland.

  290. Major Kong said,

    November 26, 2013 at 0:49

    Also, I am a trifle fatigued, having managed to doze only about 3-4 hours in the past 30 (plane flight).

    Yep, that’ll do it.

  291. VCarlson said,

    November 26, 2013 at 1:04

    Yep, that’ll do it.

    I just want to make it perfectly clear that I was a passenger, and if the Major has done that as a pilot, I’m pretty sure I don’t wanna know.

  292. Major Kong said,

    November 26, 2013 at 2:34

    Even as a passenger it’s painful.

    Back when I was flying Europe they would send me over commercial, fortunately in business class, but it still got old after a while.

    Depending on my schedule I’d have at least two long international flights a month and sometimes four.

    Eat, watch a movie, sleep a little bit, watch another movie, eat again……

  293. VCarlson said,

    November 26, 2013 at 3:38

    Eat, watch a movie, sleep a little bit, watch another movie, eat again……

    United has changed their rules. Since sometime in the past 6-12 months, the HNL-IAH, HNL-EWR, and a couple other HNL- flights are no longer available for free upgrades. I am completely unwilling to pay an extra $500 + 30k miles for a slightly wider seat which may or may not have a legrest and doesn’t recline much in any event and an unspectacular meal or two (though the warm cookies are nice). So no more business class for me, unless I go different routes.

  294. Cerberus said,

    November 26, 2013 at 3:39

    New post!

  295. Provider_UNE_AndPlayersToBeHatedLater™ said,

    November 26, 2013 at 14:04

    …in the hope of making reality scratch its chin and go “you know, maybe I’ve been a little harsh, you make a good point there random crazy fuck”.

    Inspired brilliance. And WTF almost three hundred comments? In 24-32 hours (not gonna carry the one vis a vis the time difference.

    feel the need to….
    [edited to expose follishness]
    Owngoal move along, nothing to see here…

  296. Dr BLT's Ghost of Christmas Past said,

    December 19, 2013 at 1:22

    Self-promotion is such a harsh, perjorative term. I call it sharing.

  297. Oregon Beer Snob said,

    December 19, 2013 at 1:24

    Self-promotion is such a harsh, perjorative term. I call it sharing.

    ??? Are you arguing with yourself? Some quoting/context might help…

Leave a Comment

  • Things of Interest

  • Meta Goodness

  • Clunkers

  • httpbl_stats()