And they’re like it’s better than we were counting on… Damn right, it’s better than- *BANG* And that’s enough of that.
Joel B. Pollak, Wearing a Dead Man’s Blog:
Ellmers to Sebelius: Why Must Men Buy Maternity Coverage Under Obamacare?
Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):
- Ha ha ha, seriously Obamacare? You really think women exist? Oh ho, everyone knows that the only people in existence are white cismen and you supposed others are just the nightmare manifestations of our drug-fueled binges.
So apparently, it turns out that wingnuts haven’t had much success with begging the youth to join their abusers and boycott being healthy. Nor have they had much success in trying to pretend that the Obamacare website being so popular it received way more traffic than it could handle was a sign that Obamacare was somehow unpopular and hated. And it has even turned out that trying to argue that people have the right to be ripped off by their insurance companies and buy outright scams hasn’t been the winner they’ve so desperately needed.
So rather than just give up their obvious and delusional crusade to try and destroy anything that improves people’s lives in any way in fear that giving Democrats a “win” will make the much vaunted “low-information voters” realize that the Republicans are the human-masked Reptilian overlords they have always been, they’ve decided to double the amount of “special juice” they drink and go full wingnut.
Which brings us to the latest tactic. Pretending ciswomen and transmen don’t exist.
Or rather, whining about the mandate that coverage include maternity care.
Because apparently that tiny veneer of deniability in the “pro-life” professional misogynist industry has finally crumbled after trying to stretch the “but BABIEZZZ” argument over the latex sheath of condoms and hormonal birth control.
And now they are quite literally arguing that any health care that isn’t going to a white straight cisman of upper-middle-class to upper class economic station is theft of the most egregious nature**.
The prize for best line of questioning to Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius at the House Committee on Energy and Commerce Wednesday morning must go to Rep. Renee Ellmers (R-NC), for pinning Sebelius down on the question of why Obamacare requires men to buy maternity coverage. Sebelius tried to squirm away–as she had done with many other questioners, but Ellmers was on her “A” game.
How dare those filthy monsters force, FORCE I SAY, the only section of people who matter to buy things that aren’t majoritally*** used by them.
I mean, if white men aren’t using it, then why does it even exist? I mean, why should we even lift one finger to fund maternity care and medical aid for births as if we cared about what happens with-
What? Our long standing bullshit about caring so immensely about “teh babiez” that providers of legal health care needed to be murdered and women needed to live in absolute dread of every missed period? Oh please, we already dropped that mask when we went after any means of preventing pregnancy in the first place. And it feels so good to be able to say that pregnancy should be a long, painful, and often fatal punishment to women who dare fuck in non-approved manner (or while not being rich white women who can afford to jet over to Canada for everything).
Though on a separate note, why do we keep doing so terribly with women voters these days? It makes no damn sense.
Ellmers’s performance was particularly commendable because she is lower in the congressional pecking order
Oh you mean, she’s one of the fun pack of extra crazy brought in by the “tea party revolution” of 2010 that you are still trying to milk as if it was the World Cow, giver of the liquid of eternity?
Well clearly, everything she says must be liquid gold… for satirists.
and therefore had to wait until the end,
I will never stop being amused by petty authoritarians getting incredibly pissy about the very notion that societal norms apply to them too as if they were one of the peons.
with less time to spare.
it’s the little bristling indignation that just make it, mwa, delicioso!
She even found time, using a pointed yes-or-no question, to puncture Democrats’ favorite dodge–namely, that helped Republicans improve Medicare Part D, even though they had opposed it. (Unlike Obamacare, Medicare Part D is voluntary, as Sebelius had to admit.)
Medicare Part D was something our tribe did and it was a massive scam that hurt real people for the sake of the profit margins of faceless corporations so it’s good.
Whereas Obamacare was something the hated other tribe did and it might help other people (while also increasing the profit margins of faceless corporations), therefore it is wrong and evil.
Why? Because, er… uh… FREEDOM! That’s why!
Hey, remember the days when freedom meant more than the freedom to be swindled out of your money?
Neither do I.
Next, Ellmers turned to the fact that Obamacare makes consumers pay more for insurance they do not need
People don’t need health care.
What’s with that cough, you weakling? I want to see you pulling those lungs up by the bootstraps!
(much like being forced to buy a fancy car with all of the options, when a basic new car or used car would have been fine).
Oh, sorry, apparently we aren’t completely done with the “wah, wah, we’re not allowed to be outright scammed anymore” whining.
And no, it’s not any less insulting to our intelligence when it’s coming from someone receiving the best health care our country has to offer as part of her benefits serving as a United States congresswoman.
No, sorry, me and my lucky rabbit foot will just sit here and wait while you try and last minute fight for the right of insurance companies to outright rob us rather than merely rip us off. I’ll just try and not get anything too debilitating in the meantime.
Also… um, people aren’t a fucking car. There isn’t some fancy luxury gas-guzzling penismobile version of health care. You either have health care when you need it or you don’t. And the more potential options that health care covers, the less likely you are to not have it when you need it.
Cause see, when you buy a shitty car and it gets trashed, you can buy a new car. You can’t buy a new fucking life… well, us poor pricks can’t buy people’s lives like they are trading cards at least.
The ensuing exchange should be studied by Republicans for future reference. This is how it’s done:
Oh please, like you douchebags need practice being aggressively ignorant shitbirds with an inability to tell when they are having their ass handed to them.
Rep. Ellmers: You also brought up the issue, when you were in Kansas [as governor and health insurance commissioner], that you fought against discriminatory issues. Now I–you know, as far as the essential health benefits [of Obamacare], correct me if I’m wrong, do men not have to buy maternity coverage?
Oh noes, paying for maternity care is misandry! Well, maybe to the MRA douchebags of the world and their flowing mythologies about how the women of the world are sperm-jacking the holy father in order to force him to pay for child support while the government pays all their bills with the money made from stealing guns, but here in the real world, if the worst discrimination your little group can think of is “WAH WAH, I MIGHT HAVE TO BE IN THE SAME POOL AS THOSE PEOPLE”, you might, just might not know what the fuck that word means.
Sec. Sebelius: Policies will cover maternity coverage for young and healthy–
Rep. Ellmers: Including men?
Sec. Sebelius: Under 30-year-olds will have a choice also of a catastrophic plan which has no maternity coverage.
Rep. Ellmers: The men are required to purchase–
Sec. Sebelius: Well, an insurance policy has a series of benefits, whether you use them or not. And one of the benefits will be–
The concept of “insurance” is one that completely escapes them, isn’t it?
Well, I guess that’s consistent with their inability to grasp anything more complex than tying one’s shoes and frankly even there I have my doubts.
Hey, dipshits of the world, insurance means insurance. It means everyone is part of the same pool and you don’t just get to opt out of what you don’t personally plan on receiving.
See, here in the Cerberus poly family household, just like the poor abused single man in Rep. Ellmers example, we have no current long-term plans to have children and outside some serious medical intervention of the IVF variety, it is kinda sorta impossible for us to have them.
Additionally, unlike the douchebag of the example, we also won’t need his legally covered hard-on pills.
Similarly at the moment, I am not currently suffering from cancer, cardiac arrhythmia, or anything requiring emergency surgery, so by wingnut logic, why should anyone ever need to have those covered by their insurance companies. I mean, if it won’t affect me personally in this exact moment, then why the fuck should I have to pay for it. But Bob forbid something not be available the second I do need it!
Rep. Ellmers: And that is why the health care premiums are increasing this high, because we’re forcing them to buy things they will never need. Thank you, madam chairman.
No, insurance “premiums” are “increasing” this “high”, because some group of egocentric sociopaths thought it would be the best idea ever to pitch a never-ending shitfit at the very concept of health care, thus ensuring that superior, cheaper models like single payer were quickly abandoned for models that ensured the continued survival of our broken and predatory insurance industry.
Once more, if you don’t like the way the world looks when you win, maybe you should STOP WINNING!
Sec. Sebelius: The individual policies cover families. Men often do need maternity coverage for their spouses and for their families, yes.
Oh what’s that? Some of those much vaunted heterosexual white cismen might have those annoying family units that might have need for these services in the creation of new spawn to show off one’s virility?
PAH! Real conservatives know that caring about your broodmare and wanting to ensure her survival is how the fagrays penetrate your Mancave Fortress of Anxious Masculinity and turn you into a spacehomo!
Rep. Ellmers: Single male, age 32, does not need maternity coverage.
(Conservative impression) Oh, well, isn’t that a rather specific self-identification. So what you are saying is that you want the rest of us, the vast majority to give your tiny little group special treatment. Well, let me just get right on that, you special snowflake, you. (/conservative impression)
Rep. Ellmers: To the best of your knowledge has a man ever delivered a baby?
Sec. Sebelius: I don’t think so.
Chair: The gentlelady’s time has expired.
Childbirth is theft.
‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. That whistling sound is the credibility the “anti-choice” movement had left with moderates burying itself so deep it’s saying high to the Aether monument from the new Thor movie. We are aware of all Internet traditions.™
*What’s that? It’s actually called the ACA? No no no, you created a massive propaganda campaign to link his name with this bill in the hopes that by destroying it you could destroy him and now it turns out to be real despite your best efforts and a small improvement on what came before (not revolutionary, but better than the shit sandwich we are used to in some important small ways). So now you get to eat that name and watch as it becomes a lifetime badge of the man you hate. All thanks to your propaganda campaign.
**To all the moderates from us die-hard feminazi pro-choicers: (sing-song voice)~We told you so.~(/sing-song voice)
***I apologize to the English majors out there for this Palinism.
****Alternate response: “Deliver a baby”, why yes, I do believe male-identified OB/GYNs are a thing even in the matriarchal dystopia we live in.