Moar Foo-Ball!

Flag on the play. Jesus with the personal foul. Illegal use of improvised weapon. 15 yards.

Parnell Donahue, Ruddy America:
How can I get my kids to go to church?

Did I offend some ancient deity along the way? Spit upon a holy altar made of skinned pig and chips of corn? Cross a nasty gremlin whose favorite sport is the rugby with pads homoerotic jockstrap parade that is American Football? I know it’s that time of the year again, but holy fuck people.

Cause, lately, it seems like if an article isn’t about Obamacare or some made up attempt to impeach the president for “no fair winning all the time”, it’s some fucking paean to the various cults of the white tuning forks.

Now, you might be saying. The hell? But this topic isn’t even about football!

Oh, ye mighty, look upon these works and weep.

Shorter (or the last port before Jungle):

  • How do you trap your morally corrupted brood in the same hateful and backwards religion that you’ve made your daily bread? Ha! That’s simple, buy some Jesus foam fingers, crack upon a twelve-pack and get shit-faced yelling at a screen of the Jesus failing to convert on 3rd and 1. Because at this point, let’s just drop the pretense that we worship anything other than the all-sainted pigskin on Fall Sundays.

And in case you thought I was joking…

First, be a fan and watch the games. Remember action is more important than talk. Then, get some Packer paraphernalia like Caps, Jerseys, and maybe even a cheese-head or two. Talk about the players at dinner and involve your kids in the conversation. Hey, gets some tickets and make a family road trip to Wisconsin. By the time your kids are teens they will be fans.

ALWAYS TRUST THE SHORTER!


‘Shorter’ concept created by Daniel Davies and perfected by Elton Beard. An actual short post…? What spore of madness is this? We are aware of all Internet traditions.™


*CODA:

This part made me snicker.

Isn’t that what we need to do to get our kids to be church goers? Go to church, have some religious things around the house, read some religious books, and involve your kids in religious discussion at the dinner table. In short, become a Church “fan.”

Besides the obvious of “isn’t this what Renew America’s audience already fucking does as part of their religious observances”, I’m just snickering at the idea of this as a strategy for wooing children already growing alienated with the religion of their birth.

Yeah, having everything in the house be 24/7 Jesus, including the fucking dinner conversation isn’t at all a recipe for the kid plotting how to covertly join a witch’s coven (and/or commit pyrotechnic murder on schoolyard bullies). Nope.

 

Comments: 251

 
 
Séraphin Lampion
 

I can’t imagine what the whole article is about, since it doesn’t make any sense per se. And I don’t feel like getting out of the boat.

 
Séraphin Lampion
 

Plus they should advocate being the fan for a rock star, who compares more favorably with Jesus than a whole football team. David Bowie with a beard would be cool.

 
 

David Bowie with a beard would be … strange, and yet, strangely different than the strange way in which David Bowie normally looks.

 
 

Hey, no one’s been photoshopped onto a toilet!! What’s up with that?

 
 

Wow, tough night for Boston sports fans.

Loosing to teh Raptors? Shame.

 
 

Happy Cosplay Holiday everybody!

 
 

In Parnell’s defense, adding elements of Rugby with Pads and Forward Passes to Sunday Services could be pretty awesome. Congregants all itching to score a sack on the preacher before he completes his sermon. Trying for two point conversions on the homily. Teh OSU marching band.

 
 

where he just happens to be recognized as the most influential person alive at what he does

Being an ignorant belligerent douchenozzle.

 
 

Besides the obvious of “isn’t this what Renew America’s audience already fucking does as part most if not all of their religious observances”

Fixed for great justice, if the Bible-belivin’ folks down here in SC are any indication.

 
 

Wouldn’t that make him one of those “elitist intellectual types” I keep hearing about?

 
 

he is far superior to you in the intelligence, accomplishments, success and recognition categories

….

…snnn…nnnnnnkkkkk.

. . .

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

. . .

oh, to live in your rich fantasy world for but an hour.

 
 

you guys are calling this Jew a Nazi, would that make him elite?

If we just settled on kapo, would you shut the fuck up about it?

 
 

BTW,

I ain’t got no choc ices, only this JESUS ON A STICK.

Bloody saviour-flavor, I assume.

Get ’em while they’re fizzing!

 
 

I don’t know, Major, you guys are calling this Jew a Nazi

Hey, if the jackboot fits……

He certainly shares their love of exterminating untermenschen.

 
 

what you’re known for besides your insecure, manic-depressive condition

That’s not recognition enough?

 
 

“read some religious books”

Note from Renew America staff: be careful to skip over any passages that start sounding like Commie-talk about “love your enemies” or “help the poor”. Those have CLEARLY been inserted by the LIBRAL MEDIA.

 
 

The version in the principia discordia goes like:

Onward Christian Soldiers
Onward Buddhist priests
Onward fruits of Islam
Fight till you’re deceased!

Fight your little battles
join in thickest fray
For the greater glory
of Discord-i-a!

If this person thinks being a ‘church fan’ will get his kids to go to church, what will he do when they choose a different church? I mean if it’s all just like sports fandom, the kids can totally be Mormons or Shakers or Albigensians or Gnostics or Cathars or Catholics, and it’s all just good fun right?

I don’t understand it. If they want to be regressive, reactionary, anti-enlightenment, superstitious ignoramuses, why can’t they just own it? Tell the kids to go to church, and if they don’t like they can move out. Why do they have to sugar coat their gleeful rejection of science and social justice and any form of religion that does anything other than empower creepy old men?

I suppose it goes along with the fundamental hypocrisy of evangelical christianity, eager to embrace the fruits of modern technology, while rejecting everything that makes it possible, from from science to higher education and taxes.

 
 

In short, become a Church “fan.”

Alas, I’m in the blackout area.

 
 

crack upon a twelve-pack

I! W? N?

 
 

“read some religious books”

“Properly read the bible is the greatest force for atheism ever conceived.” – Isaac Asimov

 
 

Onward Christian soldiers
Marching as to war,
with the cross of Jesus
Going on before.

Christ, the royal Master,
leads against the foe;
forward into battle
see his banners go!

 
 

One of the girls, pardon me, young women, said that most of the things churches tell us we shouldn’t do aren’t good for us anyhow.

That’s actually correct, except that she, like practically every other religious person, has cause and effect reversed.

Ambrose Bierce said it best (he said a lot of things best):

IMMORAL, adj.

Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral. If man’s notions of right and wrong have any other basis than this of expediency; if they originated, or could have originated, in any other way; if actions have in themselves a moral character apart from, and nowise dependent on, their consequences — then all philosophy is a lie and reason a disorder of the mind.

 
 

Only one who is a self-absorbed, psychologically unstable, dimwit would get that impression.

 
 

Congregants all itching to score a sack on the preacher before he completes his sermon.

I’d settle for booing and heckling.

“BOO!!! Jonah was swallowed by a GREAT FISH, not a whale! You SUCK at exegesis! Put in the reserve pastor!”

 
 

Also, this:

The Dark Avenger said,

December 28, 2005 at 19:34

No, have a draft of the Prophets and the Apostles as well, you could even throw Samson in for a fullback position.

Brando said,

December 28, 2005 at 22:00

Maybe New Testament on offense and Old Testament on D? Since three is a symbolic number, I see the Old T playing a 3-4, with Ezekiel and Isiah anchoring the ends and Samson at the nose. Moses and Abraham at the OLB spots, King David and Solomon in the middle. Elijah and Jeremiah are your shutdown corners, Daniel roams from the FS position, and Job brings the pain from the hard-hitting SS spot.

 
 

Because the USA is a Christian country. Capisce?*

*Rhetorical

 
 

From priory threedle

bbkf said,
October 30, 2013 at 23:58

hey paleo…we ate here over the weekend…second time was as awesome as the first…have you been?

No, but its real close to home, pass it every time I pick teh wife up from the mill – will go sooner.

Also from prior thread, re: getting a lab puppy (with existing kittehs), my wife called the foster home, asked several thousand questions, and got pictures (which is blatantly unfair) and now I need this puppy very much so, we’ll meet it Sunday, fill out the supplication, and maybe have him by next week?!!

 
Pere Ubu, at The Place of Labor
 

Obamacare is forever.

OH NOES everyone gets affordable health care regardless of pre-existing conditions!

WHATEVER SHALL WE DO ABOUT THIS IMPENDING TYRRANY

 
 

“BOO!!! Jonah was swallowed by a GREAT FISH, not a whale! You SUCK at exegesis! Put in the reserve pastor!”

Did ancient residents of the near middle east know the difference between fish and whales? or was the adjective qualitative rather than quantitative? He was swallowed by one of the 10 best fish in the whole mediterannean!

Will there be stats taking? and color commentary?
Jeff, things aren’t looking good for Pastor Jones this Sunday. In his 15 minute sermon, Pastor Jones committed 11 logical fallacies: 6 arguments from authority, 4 arguments from analogy and a special pleading. His enunciation was terrible, I counted 3 lisps and a voice crack- Has this guy never heard of vocal warm ups?

Well Carl, that’s got to hurt him, he’s already 40 points down in the chase for the cup, barring a miracle, he’s out of contention. Luckily for him, he’s in the miracle business.

 
 

In short, become a Church “fan.”

Growing up Cattleick, I remember drinking every Mass. And one priest who by teh 1130 service was half in the bag. All we needed was to do the wave!

Oh yeah, we did. Communion.

 
 

Christ, the royal Master,
leads against the foe;
forward into battle
see his banners go!

Cuz the red words are all about conquest. Hymns are theft.
Money-chargers of mass destruction?
Eucharist of exsanguination?
Gospel of gunships?
Exekiel II : Electric Boogaloo?

 
 

That’s money-changers.

Argh.

 
 

If churches would start supporting what Jesus did, I might just become a fan. Until then, they need to have a long internal conversation and engage in some real introspection.

Questioning the self is the best tactic in the battle for self awareness. It’s OK to question what you believe. I do it all the time. Like right now.

Maybe everything I just wrote was total bullshit.

 
 

Give it a rest, peckerneck. Jesus on a Vespa, we could solve the energy crisis by harnessing the mods deleting your ass.

 
 

Above comment was in reply to no one visible on the thread.

Not tsam.

Who gets stabby and stuff.

 
 

Hmm, I thought all these nimrods worshipped at the altar of all-holy NASCAR? With its complete lack of any people of color and almost complete lack of women, it’s a perfect fit. And it’s all about the true holiness that is the glory of capitalism and money and suchlike, whereas those commies in the NFL are tax-exempt NON PROFIT! OMFG! Kill the heretics!

 
 

Religious rules are guides to curb our behavior and ensure our happiness.

so, once again, if you are unhappy or your life sucks, you just are not being a good enough christian…

 
 

also, this: Life is infinitely more enjoyable without the consequences of reckless sex, overdrinking, and overindulgence.

would lead one to believe that good christians do not partake of reckless sex (missionary only!) and alcohol and never overeat (not even on thanksgiving)…

i finally got around to reading dr. par’s nonsense and now wonder: why are there no proofreaders at renew america? perhaps mona got to them about the evils of spell check? and just what are ‘religious things’ that one can place about the house?

 
 

and just what are ‘religious things’ that one can place about the house?

Pentagrams, sacrificial altars, pig entrails, portals to hell. All the normal stuff.

 
 

Religious rules are guides to curb our behavior and ensure our happiness.

This is why all religions have the same rules, and all the rules are recognized even by non-believers as wise.

 
 

The presence of faith in children’s lives helps them develop that all-important moral compass that will guide them to happiness and fulfillment, regardless of age or circumstances.

Absolutely. There’s nothing like a god who drowns everyone in the world to show you what’s what.

 
 

Absolutely. There’s nothing like a god who drowns everyone in the world to show you what’s what.

to be fair, i bet there wasn’t as much squabbling and naughtiness after the great flood…

 
 

All the normal stuff

Amulets, sky burials, prayer flags, containers of water for scrying, dowsing rods,…………

 
 

Drowned almost all of the animals too. WTF did they do?

 
 

i bet there wasn’t as much squabbling and naughtiness after the great flood

Well, Noah got so drunk he passed out buck naked, and when he discovered later that one of his sons had laughed at him he cursed the son’s descendents. Moral compass points to WTF?

 
 

to be fair, i bet there wasn’t as much squabbling and naughtiness after the great flood…

But holy Hannah, incest in every imaginable coagulation.

Hence, all 6Bil. peeples on The Oith.

 
 

also, this: Life is infinitely more enjoyable without the consequences of reckless sex, overdrinking, and overindulgence.

would lead one to believe that good christians do not partake of reckless sex (missionary only!) and alcohol and never overeat (not even on thanksgiving)…

The consequences might suck but activities themselves can be pretty enjoyable.

 
Pere Ubu. the the Place Of Labor
 

Noah got so drunk he passed out buck naked, and when he discovered later that one of his sons had laughed at him he cursed the son’s descendents. Moral compass points to WTF?

But you had all kids of that thing in the Bible – she-bears tearing kids apart because they made fun of Elijah’s baldness, Jesus blasting fig trees for not having figs, and like that there.

Kind of like life under Objectivism would be, methinks.

 
 

hubbkf just sent me a ‘halloween tips’ from one of the regional newspapers…among the highlights:

-Remind kids to say thank you even if they get crappy candy.
-Don’t let them walk in the middle of the roads. Cars will still travel on the roads Halloween night
-If the lights are out and don’t have any decorations, the people are most likely hiding in the back and have no more candy.
-Many people bring their dogs with them and dress them up in costumes such as a hot dog and devil. Instruct the kids to ask the owner if they can bet the animal before the they do. There is a good chance that the animal is embarrassed to be in a costume and may want to take it out on a kid.
-Kids are never allowed into the house unless you know them.
-Instruct the kids to stay with you and off the lawns and out of gardens.
-Don’t terrorize the kids. It’s all about fun and not making them wet their pants

 
 

okay, just one more…this one has interesting connotations*

-Be extremely careful with the candle in your pumpkin so that nothing bursts into flames…

*perverts!

 
 

Kudos to tDark Avenger on his Team Old Testament draft and line-up! But what about Team New Testament? (Tough coaching problem: Where does Judas Iscariot play?)

I also larfed muchly at Helmut’s color commentary!

But what do you do for a half time show? And will there be cheerleader babes?

I have so many questions about religion ….

 
 

-Kids are never allowed into the house unless you know them.

WTF? Since when do you need to remind people of this?

 
 

ask the owner if they can bet the animal before the they do.

Only applies to grayhounds.

 
 


-Kids are never allowed into the house unless you know them.

WTF? Since when do you need to remind people of this?

right? also, should you know the homeowner or the kids…little confused there…

 
 

Also, who officiates?

(Look, people, I’m throwing out hooks like crazy for you. I’ve always thought of question marks as little hooks. I often use them in my fiction.)

I’m all dull and stoopid today, so I can’t add much to the conversation except to toss out hooks for the Ville de Sadly wits.

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

-If the lights are out and don’t have any decorations, the people are most likely hiding in the back and have no more candy.

Who has to get told this, either? Or maybe they just don’t like kids to begin with. GET OFFA MAH LAWN BRATS

-Don’t terrorize the kids. It’s all about fun and not making them wet their pants

NO FUN IN THE WORLD ANY MORE. I blame Obama.

 
 

what are ‘religious things’ that one can place about the house?

Maybe some medieval religious items used by the Inquistion? (Nobody expects these.)

 
 

Pere: Reminder to turn on yer nym.

 
 

what are ‘religious things’ that one can place about the house?

Maybe some medieval religious items used by the Inquistion? (Nobody expects these.)

The Holy Prepuce!

 
 

OK – Folks, it’s Time for …..Today’s Little Problem !!
This province (W Cape) has 3 official languages – Afrikaans, English and Xhosa. Most official stuff and education is in English because A & X people have English as their second language – bilingualism has always been a requirement to graduate high school. So far, OK.
Today this Xhosa-speaking guy comes for help. He has an IT exam tomorrow and needs help with MS Word commands etc. It is then I realise that English is this guy’s Third(or seventh) Language and he doesn’t understand not only words like Bold and Save but even Arrange and respective and connect. He can’t understand the fricking questions they’re asking, let alone how to answer them.
Major frustration on both our parts ! Any helpful advice out there ??
I already tried banging the table while cursing. Didn’t really help.

 
 

Wow, tough night for Boston sports fans.

I gotta assume D-KW wrote this with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

Major congrats to the Saux on an Epic Season. And also to the Cards, far and away the best team in the NL. This was one of most intriguing and dramatic World Series I’ve seen.

http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/gametracker/recap/MLB_20131030_STL@BOS

(((Also, can someone provide Ol’ Fenwick with a refresher course on how to turn links into text? That href thingamabob…… Thanx muchly!)))

 
 

Major frustration on both our parts ! Any helpful advice out there ??

yow…that is a tricky one…maybe have him answer the questions with the only it advice i can give…

 
 

download.microsoft.com/download/1/9/b/…/xho-zaf-StyleGuide.pdf?

Has the microsoft localization style guide for Xhosa. It isn’t much. It does include some Xhosa words for common computer operations, print, copy etc.

 
 

Hey Kiwis:

Thanks for Lorde. Well done.

 
 

Excellent advice for trick-or-treaters, their parents and the candy-givers.

 
 

Life is infinitely more enjoyable without the consequences of reckless sex, overdrinking, and overindulgence.

Teh Ho’s minister father once said to him “It’s too bad you won’t ever know the joy of waiting til marriage and having saved your sex for just one person.” Teh Ho replied, “That’s true. OTOH you’ll never know how great it is to have sex with lots of different people.” His father thought for a moment before saying “good point.”

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

The public watchdog Conservative Christian fount of ignorant right-wing Teabaggery group Judicial Watch

Fixed.

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

I think this is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg on the US Titanic, otherwise known as the Obama Administration.

Yeah, like all the other last straws that were going to break the camel’s back, snerk snerk snerk.

And BTW, arguing with your sockpuppeted hand isn’t proof of your point, just a sad, pitiful sign of mental derangement.

 
 

Aww, cute, Dennis is putting on a puppet show for Halloween.

 
 

Hey, Helmut, thanks for the referral. That site actually did have some useful stuff on it – like the Xhosa words for Word commands.
Thank you very much.

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

SHHHHHHH!

Don’t tell Dennis, but I think the IRS is totally different from the White House, and not at all answerable to the President.

Wouldn’t want to wake the little darling up from his dream world.

 
 

I gotta assume D-KW wrote this with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

What ever do you mean? Opening game of season and up 6 going into the fourth, only to lose it all in the closing minutes of the game. To the Raptors.

Speaking of which, now that LEAFS SUCK has their own experience with crack smoking mayors, lemme suggest the Washington Argonauts.

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

Shorter Teabaggers: “Can we impeach him NOW? Huh? Huh? How about NOW? Huh? Why can’t we impeach him? Why? Huh? Can we? Can we can we can we can we we’re gonna hold our breath until we can impeach him!

. . .

*GASP* *cough choke*

. . .

How about NOW?”

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

What a toadstool you are, Pere.

I think I’m more one of those dangly cave funguses.

 
 

What ever do you mean?

Oops. My mistake. I don’t follow football (either version), but I remember having a conversation with you about the Jays.

I assume the Raptors are a stinkeroo team and that the Patriots must have been favored. Nevertheless, I imagine Boston sports fans will be too giddy to care much.

(sigh) Now I have no sports fix until Spring Training. Well except the winter meetings, trades, free agency and suchlike. I used to follow college basketball in the offseason, but now it’s sorta like the minors for the NBA. Plus I don’t have a television.

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

Dennis, on the other hand is Histoplamosis capsulatum – lives in the dark, found on huge piles of shit, and fatal if left untreated.

 
 

Well, out of social obligation, I used to pay minimal attention to the Ravens, mainly to be informed about what was Big News to some friends in Baltimore.

 
 

the tip of the proverbial iceberg on the US Titanic
It is the thin end of the slippery slope. it is like looking for a camel in a haystack. It is the white elephant in the room.

 
 

what are ‘religious things’ that one can place about the house?
Colanders. Pasta forks.

 
 

Pere Ubu, I think you’re more like a truffle which is an ascomycete, BTW.

If I wanted to insult somebody by a comparison, I’d use Cryptococcus. “You’re a fuckin opportunistic parasite, you’re like a walkin version of Cryptococcus neofomans!”

 
 

what are ‘religious things’ that one can place about the house?

Principia Discordia
Bust of Aaron Rodgers
The first Evil Dead on Blu-Ray

 
Pere Ubu. at the Place Of Labor
 

“Honey, do you think this Moloch furnace would look better here, or over by the fishtank?”

 
 

“Do we really need another lingam?”

 
 

Raptors are roundballers, teh Arrrrrrrrrrrrr-gooooooos are our feetsball team.

 
 

No, no, if it’s not a figurine of a tortured semi naked young hippy man it’s just not religious.

 
 

Pretty good showing of ghouls and ghosts notwithstanding teh rain. Ultra Ninja also scored a pretty decent haul for ten minutes of walking being carried.

 
 

Almost out of candy. 🙁

 
 

Dragon-King Wangchuck said,
November 1, 2013 at 1:44

Almost out of candy. 🙁

At stupid work covering for someone and jealous as hell. Bastige.

 
 

We haven’t gotten many trick-or-treaters but that may be because I forgot to turn on the light till 6:45.

 
 

My dad screwed me up, but I blame conservatives mostly. I’m funny that way.

Trust me. You’ve never been funny in your life.

 
 

Is “Composite Sadly No! Liberal” anything like Composite Superman?
CSNL is the modern equivalent of the Colossus of Ylourgne.

 
 

So being biracial, bisexual, and intersex/genderqueer is “fucked up”?

 
 

So, let me get this strait…are you saying we’re not green and we don’t posses the combined powers of the Legion of Superheroes? Well, that sucks.

 
 

I’ve found that posting a “Warning! Registered sex offender!” sign out front on Halloween does wonders for keeping the little bastards trick-or-treaters away.

 
A Really Real Person
 

Of course pretending to be other people and talking to ourselves doesn’t do anything to our credibility.

 
 

As liberals shilling for a failing ideology, we have to stop doing that. It’s hurting out credibility.

So….

 
Another Really Real Person
 

So true! I couldn’t agree with you more!

 
A Different Person
 

And yet I remain so very concerned about our credibility. After all, LIBERAL!

 
 

Concern troll is very concerned.

I am not concerned – I HAZ BADGERS!

 
 

Toadstool? Well I guess that’s better than dog or people stool. Amirite?

I’ll show myself out

 
 

Rob Ford!!!! DKW mus be in heaven!

we got a 15 minute break from the rain in order to load lilg up on candy with his bff. its not halloween if not raining and cold.

 
 

Oh lord, I’m stuck in Lodi again.

TBH, this is the first time I ever stopped in Lodi and I’m not really stuck except our motel is here.

 
 

Oh lord, I’m stuck in Lodi again.

That’s by Porter Wagoner, isn’t it?

 
 

Ah, CCC.

I was thinking country & western, but then again, was I really all that far off the mark?

 
 

Did you mean CCR? And not too far off but not really close either.

 
 

Yeah, CCR.

It’s been a looong day.

 
 

I wuz jus gonna ask if you weren’t up kinda late.

 
M.C. Simon Milligan
 

“You know, the razorback hat lacks the quiet dignity of the cheese head.” – Mike Nelson riffing on an Arkansas football game in The Legend of Boggy Creek 2

 
 

re: Crackmayor

Everyone knew the video IS REAL. Confirmation from two different news outlets cemented that. Also, the kind of video that probably hit circulated quite a bit prior to its becoming notorious. While not inevitable, it was pretty darned likely that it would have turned up. Sadly, it stalled long enough that any hope of improved transit in my inner suburb got crushed. On the plus side, the Crackstarter funds ended up going to a good cause and Rob Ford’s crack tape will eventually see a public release.

 
 

Oh lord, I’m stuck in Lodi again.

I remember standing on a corner in Winslow Arizona once. Although I’ve never been, I have to believe that you’re better off in Lodi.

Also, congrats to the ZZ Sox.

 
Decompositted Teabag Conservative
 

WMDs, SchmubleyouMDs. I believed Bush when he said Saddam was an imminent threat and the the Iraq war would pay for itself.

I really miss the days when I could be lied to by an inexperienced Republican President over and over again and pretend it’s all ok.

We’d like to go back to sleep.

 
 

Lodi works fine as rock, country or bluegrass. Also transferable to Lodi NJ. It is important to sing it “things got bad and things got woyse”.

 
 

Incidentally, Ford’s lawyer has just accused police chief Bill Blair as being part of the Vast Lie-beral Conspiracy and demanded a resignation. I’m no fan of Bill Blair[1] and he has been known to lie before – during G20 dude invented a law during a presser – but I gotta think that this might be a suboptimal strategy. Then again, Ford Nation is pretty powerful when it comes to not believing their lying eyes.

[1] Although he is way way way better than Fantino was.

 
 

Incidentally, Ford’s lawyer has just accused police chief Bill Blair as being part of the Vast Lie-beral Conspiracy and demanded a resignation.

Mayor Crackhead would fit in just fine with the Teabaggers. He’s even got the “overstuffed white guy” look.

(Come to think of it – should a guy like that who looks constantly on the verge of an MI be smoking crack in the first place?)

 
 

True, but Fantino was in charge of the G20 in Muskoka where no abuses occurred…

But hey, he is a liar and a Dick f’r sure…

 
 

I’ve found that posting a “Warning! Registered sex offender!” sign out front on Halloween does wonders for keeping the little bastards trick-or-treaters away.

A few rolls of concertina wire, spotlights and hungry dobermans will give you the same effect without causing any nasty rumors.

 
 

The UN is taking over the Alamo in Texas:

The Alamo will not fall under United Nations control if it is named a UNESCO World Heritage site, the Texas Land commission assured Texans on Wednesday, according to the San Antonio Express-News.

In a statement Wednesday Jerry Patterson, the Texas land commissioner, called rumors that the U.N. might manage the Alamo and other Spanish missions in Texas “horse hockey.”

“The people of Texas own the Alamo now and in the future. Nothing is going to change that,” Patterson said at a gun rights rally at the Alamo on Oct. 19.

George Rodriguez, former president of the San Antonio Tea Party, stirred up rumors in a piece titled ‘The New Battle of the Alamo.’

Rodriguez said Wednesday that he never stated that the U.N. would take control, but that he merely provided a “cautionary tale.”

“I’m just constantly saying ‘may’ or ‘might,’” he explained. “I’m never once saying that this is going to happen. We need to be aware.”

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/un-will-not-control-alamo-despite-rumors

This is Obamas fault, and of course, it’s

EVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

 
 

I’ve found not being at home all evening makes Halloween much cheaper and more enjoyable.

 
 

Wife talking to brother-in-law on her way home, and about to stop at Holy Land Deli for Lebanese foods (note, B-I-L lives with us):

(Wife) “How we doing for kids and candy? And have you had supper?”
(B-I-L) “Well, not that many kids, but two bags of candy gone. So technically, I haven’t had supper.”

(Diabetic paleo, upon hearing this story) “Fuck both y’all.”

 
 

I like this one, this take-off of a David Barton illustration, and this one.

 
 

HERE!

HERE, YOU BRATS! ORGANIC TOFU BITES!

NOW GET THE HELL OFFA MAH LAWN!!!

 
 

and this one.

Now we know what killed Thomas Kinkaid.

 
 

Holy Land Deli

Sorry I didn’t get a pic but there’s a great new sign on the I-4 in Orlando offering in you a choice between the Millennial Mall (right) and The Holy Land Experience (left). Givin’ the people what they want! Wondering what kind of Hallowe’en events they have at the THLE could boggle the mind.

 
 

A blatant lie. Nowhere did I or anyone say that. It was not addressed.

. . .

They are even here on this snark blog, in the firm if folks who believe that all Germans are Nazis and those who say nothing when that position is advocated.

The irony burns.

 
 

Pennis making comments about OBS while forgetting to un-nymjack OBS is one of the more amusing things he’s done.

 
 

Aw, that hook set deep, didn’t it? Sorry it bugged you so much.

 
 

Was tempted to stop as I passed through Winslow but as that was before cell phones I figured it was a silly thing to do.

Also, Pennis’ trying to divert attention from his nymjacking is pathetically hilarious.

 
 

Years, eh? Enjoy me being under your skin. Use sunscreen!

 
 

FWIW, OBS didn’t actually say NASCAR fans were 100% male like you claim he did. So if by your standard hyperbole makes someone a liar…?

 
 

I saw a black girl dressed up as Danica Patrick, hth your pointless back and forth, guys.

 
 

You’re an odd combination of hilarious, if unintentionally, and dull as a butter knife.

 
 

Now now, no nymjacking! Just google tigris swimming and you’ll see tons of pics.

 
 

More evidence IT’S ALWAYS PROJECTION. I have never nymjacked anyone. Except Pennis, of course, who can tonguejack my shitbox.

Wait – I could get a disease that way. I retract the statement.

 
 

Pennis missed doses. He needs his meds NOW.

 
 

For someone who seems to have a fairly good, if convenient, memory, you sure do forget a lot of stuff you’ve been told outright. Trolling, as you were told at the time, though you weren’t the original target insofar as you claim to be a different person than Baby Justice.

 
 

I never thought of badgers as being so demmed energetic.

 
 

Wow, I’m getting nymjacked now. Note: I would never use the word tranny, or manpussy for that matter.

 
 

Barrel go BOOM!

Barrel go BOOM!

 
 

exploding the whale…

 
 

who can tonguejack my shitbox.

This is going to be my new go-to way of telling people to fuck off.

((clap clap clap))

 
 

exploding the whale…

Think of all the lamps you could light with all the shrapnel…

 
 

Who’s a Nazi now?

 
 

lighting the lamp…

 
 

FWIW, OBS didn’t actually say NASCAR fans were 100% male like you claim he did. So if by your standard hyperbole makes someone a liar…?

Holy crap, the other mods have been cleaning this up so I’ve missed it. I actually didn’t say anything about the NASCAR fans at all, just NASCAR itself — meaning the drivers. And that sent Trolly McTrollington into conniptions? Wow. I’d apologize for setting the dipshit off, but how the hell am I supposed to predict what triggers the outbreaks?

 
 

Holy crap, the other mods have been cleaning this up so I’ve missed it.

you know what the best part of moderating is? you can read troll comments amongst all the spam and sometimes you can’t even tell the difference…they just fit right in with all the other gibberish about uggs and burberry…

 
 

BREAKING!

Apparently out local media have decided that Ford, our White Bronco, is so interesting that they have a helicopter following him and reporting his whereabouts. This may sound ridiculous, but I just learned that he’s left his mother’s house a few minutes ago…

 
 

I don’t know who originated the phrase, nor where though I think it was here, but I can’t take credit for it. IOW, I appropriated it myself.

 
 

Ford, our White Bronco

i see what you did there…

 
 

how the hell am I supposed to predict what triggers the outbreaks?

Pretty sure saying something, anything, does the trick. Also too, it happens spontaneously, like maggots springing up from rotting meat.

 
 

Now that’s gonna be a mess. LAX shut down, evacuated.

 
 

If the lockdown lasts past 3:00 PM, expect MAJOR chaos, because that’s when the rush hour starts on Fridays.

 
 

I’ve been to Paradise but I’ve never been to me.

 
 

FUCK FUCK FUCK

Los Angeles International Airport said on Friday that police were responding to an incident at the airport, and California media reported that a gunman with a high-powered rifle was shot by law enforcement.

Time for more lectures about how this is the price for FREEDOM!

 
 

oh ffs! what is it going to take?!

 
 

The man, told him, “I got shot, I’m fine.” He told passengers not to worry about him and that he had been shot before, Adamick said.

really?! that anyone can say this is a pretty fricking sad commentary…speaking of, here’s a gem from teh comment section:

How could this have possibly happened? Kalifornia has some of the toughest anti-gun laws in the nation, and LAX is a gun-free zone, so it’s simply not possible that anyone could have possessed a weapon there, much less fired it.

I mean, if this actually happened, it would mean that all the gun control laws, all the gun-free zones, all the invasive security, all the freedom the government has confiscated in the name of security… all of that is one great big steaming pile of horse crap. That can’t be the case, so this event surely did not happen.

i weep…

 
 

on a lighter note, just read this exchange on fb:

teenaged mom#1: Fukin right! !!! Passed my reading ged test not as high of a score I was hoping for but 1 down 4 to go
teenaged mom#2: I’m so proud of u sissy!! I knew u could do it
teenaged mom#1: Jus barley made it but that is okay ill take it!!!
teenaged mom#2: But u made it and that’s wat counts
teenaged mom#1: Tru dat

again, i weep…

 
 

Pretty sure saying something, anything, does the trick. Also too, it happens spontaneously, like maggots springing up from rotting meat.

Yeah, like using the C U Next Tuesday word. Or turning Pouthammer’s logicFAIL back on him…

 
 

How could this have possibly happened? Kalifornia has some of the toughest anti-gun laws in the nation, and LAX is a gun-free zone, so it’s simply not possible that anyone could have possessed a weapon there, much less fired it.

Bullet proof logic, see?

 
 

I may be stuck in Lodi but I’m having excellent huevos rancheros. Just can’t find this shit in Portland.

 
 

Piss moan bitch attack whine dissemble [goalposts moved] whine attack

 
 

It’s all I can do. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

 
 

I am having an excellent Pop-Tart. Is raspberry the peak Pop-Tart experience? I say yes.

 
 

M’apparece que es un desayuno bravo.

 
 

my brave little toaster…

 
Pere Ubu, at The Place Of Labor
 

I mean, if this actually happened, it would mean that all the gun control laws, all the gun-free zones, all the invasive security, all the freedom the government has confiscated in the name of security… all of that is one great big steaming pile of horse crap. That can’t be the case, so this event surely did not happen.

Or it could mean that there are places not a few hours’ drive from California where you can buy guns to your heart’s content, not to mention gun shows, the Internet, and private resellers.

Your choice.

 
 

M’apparece que es un desayuno bravo.

Meine hoverenkraft sind auf eels gefilte..

 
Pere Ubu, at The Place Of Labor
 

I am having an excellent Pop-Tart. Is raspberry the peak Pop-Tart experience? I say yes.

Frosted Strawberry.

 
 

If something doesn’t work 100%, it doesn’t work at all.

 
 

Does strawberry have little sprinkles?

NO.

 
 

chocolate pop tarts, indisputably…

 
 

teenaged mom#1: Fukin right! !!! Passed my reading ged test not as high of a score I was hoping for but 1 down 4 to go
teenaged mom#2: I’m so proud of u sissy!! I knew u could do it
teenaged mom#1: Jus barley made it but that is okay ill take it!!!
teenaged mom#2: But u made it and that’s wat counts
teenaged mom#1: Tru dat

Let’s take a moment and recognize that the single apostrophe that appears in this exchange is used correctly.
There is hope.

Wait. No, there is jus barley no hop.

 
 

Let’s take a moment and recognize that the single apostrophe that appears in this exchange is used correctly.

TYautocorrect

 
 

jus barley
Isn’t that just malt extract, with a fancy name for the menu?

 
 

My Mom had my brother when she was a teenager. Just saying.

 
 

My Mom had my brother when she was a teenager. Just saying.

not knocking teenaged moms…these particular two, one who is a rellie, are among the teenage moms who think its a swell idea to get pregnant multiple times by gangstas…finishing school, getting real jobs, moving out of their parents’ and not living off the state do not enter their minds…

pregnancy happens, i get that…but after the second or third time, someone somewhere should make a connection…

 
 

Nobody here is making fun of teen pregnancy. We’re making fun of the horribly scary grammar and spelling on display for the whole interweb to see.

 
Pere Ubu, at The Place Of Labor
 

There is hope.

Wait. No, there is jus barley no hop.

I am disappoint in there grammar.

 
 

I am disappoint in there grammar.

trust me, one of there grammars is disappoint, too…

 
 

Yeah, the spelling and grammar is pretty funny. I didn’t mean to concern-troll there.

 
Pere Ubu, at The Place Of Labor
 

Who could have forseen?

The gunman, identified by law-enforcement officials as 23-year-old Paul Anthony Ciancia, was shot by law enforcement and taken into custody in critical condition. The motive is not clear but it’s believed he had anti-government views based on written materials he was carrying, the officials said.

 
 

BENNGAZEY

 
 

Post the shooter’s picture so we can judge him! WTF MSNBC

 
 

Related

TSA Week in Review – 29 Firearms Discovered this Week (27 Loaded)

 
 

Yeah, the spelling and grammar is pretty funny. I didn’t mean to concern-troll there.

no worries…i prolly should have referred to them as twit one and twit two…i am pretty close to ‘de-friending’ the rellie because i get sooooo annoyed by her posts…although, she would be a pretty good material for some flash fiction…

 
Pere Ubu, at The Place Of Labor
 

Meanwhile:

Police in Grand Junction, Colo., are seeking a man who allegedly pepper-sprayed a woman in the face and then stole her pet monkey.

 
 

stealing the pet monkey…

 
 

♪ Haven’t you always wanted a monkey? ♫

[/bnl]

 
 

Hey hey we’re the Monkees …

 
 

petting the monkey…

 
 

pretty good material for some flash fiction…

K, I’ll bite.

Dear Penthouse Forum,

I never thought I’d be writing to you but here I am. I am a superhero, in good shape, not some jock or anything but I’m pretty quick…

 
 

Dear Penthouse Forum:

I never thought I’d have anything to write you about, but my rocket was bathed in cosmic rays and now the ladies call me Mr. Fantastic.

 
 

bathing the rocket…

 
 

i apparently have ONE THING on my mind today…

 
 

i apparently have ONE THING on my mind today…

All women think of nothing other than flashing rockets.

 
 

i apparently have ONE THING on my mind today…

Perhaps a Plastic Man could help?

 
 

Raptors are roundballers, teh Arrrrrrrrrrrrr-gooooooos are our feetsball team.

See? I’m completely ignorant of all non-baseball sports.

 
 

Oh lord, I’m stuck in Lodi again.

I’m stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again.

 
 

I’ve found that posting a “Warning! Registered sex offender!” sign out front on Halloween does wonders for keeping the little bastards trick-or-treaters away.

A few rolls of concertina wire, spotlights and hungry dobermans will give you the same effect without causing any nasty rumors.

Also signs of skull / x-bones with

 
 

“Achtung! Minen!”

I blame the libruls for fucking up this post!

 
 

Okay, I think it’s pretty clear that I’m no fan of the White Bronco, but the latest leaked stories of Rob Ford’s misbehaving is dum. I mean really, dude got shitface drunk last St. Patrick’s Day. Big fucking deal. That’s what St Patrick’s Day is for.

The crack thing though, that’s still pretty bad.

 
 

Thanx to tigris & DA for the Fine Art links!

(Someone should notify VS. Don’t see her around here anymore. Sadly.)

the other mods have been cleaning this up so I’ve missed it.

Thanx to one and all of the Guardians who patrol Sadlyburg’s borders. I’ve enjoyed seeing NOT ONE comment by Pennnis!

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

So is anybody but me having problems connecting to the site?

Yesterday, all of a sudden, Firefox almost loads the page, but then goes to a blank white screen. All the other Mozillas behave the same way (of course). Safari would finally stick on the page on the third or fourth try last night, but not any more. I had to switch to Opera to get the page to finish loading. Did the site switch providers or something?

P.S.: Please don’t suggest Chrome—even if I could use it, I wouldn’t.

 
 

Fenwick

The artist formerly known as vs posts over at lawyers guns and money by the name bspencer.

 
 

Rev: Safari has worked fine for me. Don’t have or use any other browsers. Maybe the Obamacare site is infecting the whole internetz toobz!

 
 

The artist formerly known as vs posts over at lawyers guns and money by the name bspencer.

Yeah, she’s a front pager over there, all famous like: linky to drvacuumnoisewaterspencerslayer stuff @ LGM

 
 

Thanx Major. I saw that on Death Monkey Car, but I thought she might drop by once in a while to visit the old neighborhood…..

 
 

I thought she might drop by once in a while to visit the old neighborhood…..

You’ll find a lot of old (and current) regulars commenting over at LGM.

 
 

I noticed that while browsing. I tend not to visit too many sites. Becomes too addictive and pulls me away from things I must do. Like writing.

 
 

Why are caps and jerseys capitalized?

 
 

Uh, Caps should be capitalized because Caps. And maybe he means Jersey cows. Packers branded Jersey cows.

 
 

Site’s working fine for me, for what that’s worth. (I use Opera)

 
 

S’ goddamn flat ’round here but I like the weather. If I can see mountains – which one can occasionally while driving around I’m okay.

 
 

Thankfully I can’t top that story DKW. In my almost 30 years of professional flying I’ve managed to avoid performing that particular function on an airplane and I hope to maintain that streak.

It probably helps that a typical B-52 flight was 12 hours long and the facilities were even more spartan than what’s described in that story. Nothing more than a plastic bag attached to a toilet seat.

The only person I knew who ever used them was in equal intestinal distress to the person in the story. This then presented the problem of where to store a plastic baggie full of poop on a 12-hour flight.

 
 

Just roll down the window and chuck it out

 
 

This then presented the problem of where to store a plastic baggie full of poop on a 12-hour flight.

I guess just opening a window and tossing it out isn’t an option.

Then again, there’s always the bomb bay doors…

 
 

Then again, there’s always the bomb bay doors…

It’s been tried.

First off, it’s hard to get back to the bomb bay in flight. We’d have to depressurize the plane and pull the circuit breakers for the landing gear.

One of the Navs would then have to crawl back through the wheel well to get to the bomb bay.

Turns out when you open the bomb bay doors on a practice bomb run, the slip stream causes the bag ‘o poop to splatter all over the inside of the bomb bay.

The maintenance guys handed that particular crew a hose after they landed.

 
 

Turns out when you open the bomb bay doors on a practice bomb run, the slip stream causes the bag ‘o poop to splatter all over the inside of the bomb bay.

See, I never would have guessed that.

SCIENCE!

 
 

Nothing more than a plastic bag attached to a toilet seat.

also known as the “Dennis”…

 
 

There is only ONE god,
He is the SUN god,

Ra! Ra! Ra!

– Robert Anton Wilson

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Well, I disabled Javascript and that allows the page to load quickly enough that it doesn’t get chopped off. I think the server gives you less time now—Opera is the only browser that downloads all the content right at the start, instead of slowly dribbling it into the page while it’s rendering.

 
 

Are there avatars on S/N? I adblocked most avatar thingies so I don’t know any more. But every now and then something like Gravatar goes loopy and causes crazy load-time problems.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Happily, No! No avatars here. I’ve got a WP gravatar that would show up if there were—I can’t remember where I got it and have forgotten how to get rid of it.

 
 

Turns out when you open the bomb bay doors on a practice bomb run, the slip stream causes the bag ‘o poop to splatter all over the inside of the bomb bay.

I guess the only answer is for “he who dealt it” to ride it out of the bomb bay a la Major Kong (the movie one, not the Sadlynaught) in order to save the rest of the crew.

 
 

Wow, I am so late to the Rob Ford party. There was even a post on Balloon Juice about it which was even darkly funny (instead of unshakably earnest in a manner reminiscent of Butters).

I suspect the most fun I will get out of this is fantasizing about taunting the douchebag leaders of Toronto’s transit union over their transit-hating douchebag mayor. I’ll never actually get to taunt them in person but it’s a satisfying thought since they are a bunch of holier than thou grandstanding jerks.

 
 

The maintenance guys handed that particular crew a hose after they landed.

Fa fa!

 
 

Okay, I think it’s pretty clear that I’m no fan of the White Bronco, but the latest leaked stories of Rob Ford’s misbehaving is dum. I mean really, dude got shitface drunk last St. Patrick’s Day. Big fucking deal. That’s what St Patrick’s Day is for.

I’m kinda surprised he hasn’t gotten caught drunk driving, with his whole “You’re not the boss o’ me–and i hate trolleys” attitude.

Isn’t it ironic (?) our former mayor in Sad Gator Land (no fatal gator attacks in 5 years, yo, just ask the Jacksonville Star Ledger) got busted for drunk driving and he was (nominally) pro transit?

And by busted I mean he busted a road sign and somebody’s fence and was so blotto, red-faced and out of it that the neighbor who came running after being woken up by the crash didn’t even recognize him. Then he tried to call the tow not realizing the tow calls FHP anyway. Awwwwkwaaaard.

 
 

New Drawing!

Dark Entity. A rare and obscure alien type with a cool look.

 
 

“I have known Larry and Carri to be loving parents with the ability to raise children appropriately,” said the family pastor, Richard Long. “I also firmly believe they have the ability to be healthy, contributing members of society.”

Thank you Pastor.

This summer a jury convicted the Williamses of denying their children Hana and Immanuel food, beating them and making them sleep in closets or washrooms. They were fed a diet of sandwiches that had been soaked in water and vegetables that were still frozen. Some of the couple’s seven biological children sometimes took part in the abuse.

http://www.ktvb.com/news/regional/229859651.html

 
 

Can you say Kill The Gays Bill? The one promoted by so many American fundies? How about Bryan Fischer, Donald Wildmon, that guy who called for concentration camps for gays, …

That shit is happening here. In the US. Where we live. Twatwaffle.

 
 

Shorter Pennis: pay no attention to OUR atrocities – there are foreign brown skinned Moooslims committing atrocities!!!!!!!

 
 

.Bryan Fischer: Founders Wrote Christmas Into Constitution In Invisible Ink Only Bryan Fischer Can See

by Rebecca Schoenkopf

Bryan J. Fischer, the issues director of the good ol’ American Family Association, who has many interesting Thoughts on interesting Topics, has some airtight logic for us, and that is that if the Founders did not want a Christianist theocracy, then why did they put a date on the Constitution, HENGGHHHHH?

Did Bryan J. Fischer just BLOW your MIND????

But it is true, we did look at the Constitution, and right there at the end, it definitely says “in the Year of our Lord one thousand seven hundred and Eighty seven,” right before all the signers signed it, so will all Jews and Buddhists please report for jail?

http://wonkette.com/533276/bryan-fischer-founders-wrote-christmas-into-constitution-in-invisible-ink-only-bryan-fischer-can-see#BtYHyjSlIIBKIlDM.99

Conservative thinking at its’ finest.

 
 

Western Evangelical Group Pushing Ethiopia to Impose Death Penalty for Gays

At the conclusion of the workshop, the EICAH representative stated that the council is ‘making progress’ in convincing the government to be stricter on homosexuality and introduce the death penalty to punish ‘such acts’.

The ECIAH representative added that prospects for capital punishment being legislated against gays ‘seems promising’.

The United for Life Ethiopia (ULE), led by Dr Seyoum Antonios, sponsored the event as well as ECIAH.

ULE is a Western Evangelical organization that receives funding in the UK and US and offers to ‘cure’ gayness as well as campaigning aggressively against LGBT people in the country.

http://www.towleroad.com/2013/05/western-evangelical-group-pushing-ethiopia-to-impose-death-penalty-for-gays.html

Pastor Steven L. Anderson, from the Faithful Word Baptist Church in Arizona, is known to be an outspoken and controversial figure.

During a recent radio interview on FM 104, an Irish station, he said that according to the Bible, homosexuals should be given the death penalty.

It all started when the radio host asked Anderson what he thought of homosexuality. Here’s how the pastor responded:

“Well, the Bible teaches that, actually, gays should be executed. Because it actually says in Leviticus 20:13 that if a man also lie with mankind as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood should be upon them.”

http://www.mrconservative.com/2013/07/20974-arizona-pastor-the-government-should-use-the-death-penalty-on-homosexuals/

Phillip Kayser is pastor of the Dominion Covenant Church in Omaha, Nebraska, just across the border from Iowa. Yesterday, Rev. Kayser endorsed Ron Paul for President. The Paul campaign clearly welcomed the endorsement calling Kayser an “eminent pastor.” Ron Paul’s Iowa Chairman, Drew Ivers, commended Kayser’s view of Paul’s approach to government, saying

“We welcome Rev. Kayser’s endorsement and the enlightening statements he makes on how Ron Paul’s approach to government is consistent with Christian beliefs. We’re thankful for the thoughtfulness with which he makes his endorsement and hope his endorsement and others like it make a strong top-three showing in the caucus more likely,” said Ron Paul 2012 Iowa Chairman Drew Ivers.

Dr. Kayser has degrees in education, theology and philosophy/ethics. He is the author of over 40 books and booklets. The name of one organization that he founded describes well his ministry: Biblical Blueprints. His passion is to see the comprehensive blueprints of the Scriptures applied to science, civil government, education, art, history, economics, business, and every area of life.

For his part, Kayser said he had some disagreements with Paul but endorsed Paul due to Paul’s views on limited government, non-intervention abroad and civics. Kayser said Paul’s view of civics is “far closer to Biblical civics than any of the other candidate’s…”

Kayser’s endorsement and the Paul campaign’s response (“…how Ron Paul’s approach to government is consistent with Christian beliefs”) is of note because what Kayser believes about government. It appears that Kayser is a Christian reconstructionist (see this post about their views) who believes that the penalties associated with Mosaic law should be implemented today. Also, known as theonomy, the adherents generally believe biblical rules should be promoted by Christians in politics and implemented by legislation.

Kayser’s work is promoted on the website Theonomy Resources which is run by Stephen Halbrook. I wrote about Halbrook’s book on biblical law here and noted that he promoted the idea that homosexuality, adultery, idolatry and rebellion in children should be considered capital offenses today (see What would dominionists do with gays? Part 3).

In his own writing, Kayser has similar views. In defense of the death penalty, he writes:

Whereas Hebrews 2:2 gives a blanket endorsement of all Old Testament penology as justice, the rest of the New Testament gives specifics. It teaches that homosexuals who come out of the closet are “worthy of death” (Rom. 1:32). It teaches that juvenile delinquents who abuse their parents can in certain circumstances “be put to death” (Mt. 15:3-9) and that rejection of this provision was to “transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition” (v. 3).

Kayser nuances his teaching somewhat by saying the death penalty is not required by the Old Testament, but instead may be implemented by the state if parents press charges.

Would the church of today receive the same scathing denunciation because we do not want the state to enforce this law? In America we have juvenile delinquents who threaten their parents, abuse their parents and keep their parents in constant fear. There should be some provision where this could be stopped. Keep in mind that in the Old Testament the parents couldn’t put their children to death, only the state could. On the other hand, the state couldn’t put them to death unless the parents testified against them. And there are many other checks and balances in Biblical jurisprudence that are outlined in Appendix A. But Christ gives no indication that this commandment has been annulled. Instead, he reproves those who would seek to annul it.

Regarding gays, Kayser’s vision for a nation being restored to biblical law allows for a variety of responses:

For example, in a society that was being converted, homosexuals could continue to be converted as they were in the church of Corinth. Even after a society implemented Biblical law and made homosexuality a crime, there are many checks and balances that would be in place. (See Appendix A page 40 for specifics.) The civil government could not round them up. Only those who were prosecuted by citizens could be punished, and the punishment could take a number of forms, including death. This would have a tendency of driving homosexuals back into their closets. (p. 24)

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/warrenthrockmorton/2011/12/28/kayserendorsemen/

 
 

Someone else hates you more than I do. By my airtight logic, that means you’re a hypocrite.

 
 

I am brave because I nymjack people.

 
 

So THIS is the sort of copypasta trolling that normally gets deleted? Not enough to provide a linkee, no sirree. Gotta ceate a desert of copypasta bullshit that others must scroll past.

Double appreciation to the vigilant Sadlies who usually shovel this garbage away so the rest of community isn’t subjected to these screeds and rants….and the thread is more compact, readable, and enjoyable.

I hope a monitor arrives on duty soon !

 
 

Why go outside when you can get bashed at home?

 
 

Dudes, dudettes, and doodz of non-binary gender, try not to feed the troll. He doesn’t remotely deserve that much attention or thought.

Also, new post.

 
 

(comments are closed)