Giving it succor…

As a non entity, I used to peruse the front page here on at least a weekly basis for years, and then discovered the comment section* and decided that I really enjoyed the community that had assembled here. I lurked for awhile before diving in and becoming one of you. It is generally how I roll (getting to know the ways, customs and flow of a place before opening my big fat mouth.)

During what I would call my tenure here (starting about the time I would cough up hairballs of hopefully humorous (thanks Manq) gibberish in the comment section) there have been a number of changes in personae in the place, both above and below decks.

I would like to assure the patrons of this place that Management (currently comprising of previous patrons and possibly an original or two) is looking into the least invasive pesticide solutions to deal with the Dutch Elm situation that has become a concern.

In the interim, please set your default response to ignoring** and while I have sympathy for some of the badinage, patience is ebbing.

Nymjacks of the turd will end up in the sewer along with the turd.

Consider this a navel gazing open thread, penis gags and puns a go go.

*and all of the lovely and brilliant and funny people, some of whom I had crossed paths with in other places, yet many others that were new to me and fucking hilarious.

**Don’t take the bait.

 

Comments: 88

 
 
 

“humorous”, please.

 
 

Last thread, I was afraid we’d delete the planetary badger supply.
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DYAC!

Last thread, I was afraid we’d deplete the planetary badger supply.
.

 
 

If you are leaving then I wish you luck
I hope someone can make your heart warm
I was a baby when I learned to suck
But you have raised it to an art form

Congregation, please be seated and open your prayer guides to the book of revelations, psalm 69

the way to succeed and the way to suck eggs

stop it!

 
 

Handle Online Trolls

Of course, it wasn’t always that way. It took many years to get there. So what do you do when you have anonymous attackers or trolls without the benefit of a community?

1. Create an unfriendly environment. I’ve already mentioned this, but it’s here so you’ll have all your tips in one spot.

2. Have a policy. Make sure it clearly spells out what you won’t allow. We don’t allow swearing, calling names, or acting unprofessionally. Sometimes online trolls will call our guest bloggers names and make them feel stupid. That kind of stuff is against our rules and will get you banned.

3. Delete when appropriate. If the online troll violates your policy, you can delete the comment. Make sure you leave a comment saying why you did it so anyone visiting can see the history.

4. Ban people. I’m getting good at banning people here. Livefyre makes it really easy to do it. First you ban them and then you delete their comment. I typically only do this to spammers, but did it to an online troll a couple of weeks ago when they lambasted me with very poor vocabulary.

5. Listen. If the online troll is really just a customer complaining, know the difference and listen. Sometimes people just want to be heard. Hear them, try to help, and they’ll almost always thank you publicly.

6. Ignore. I had a situation last July: I wrote about something near and dear to my heart, but it brought out some serious attacks. I happened to be on stage and then at a conference for most of that day so I had no choice but to ignore the comments. It ended up being the best thing for the situation, even if it didn’t make me feel all warm and fuzzy.

7. Don’t waste your time. Online trolls want the attention. They crave the defensiveness. They want you to get upset. Don’t give them the pleasure.

http://spinsucks.com/social-media/seven-tips-for-dealing-with-online-trolls/

 
 

Last thread, I was afraid we’d deplete the planetary badger supply.

Unpossible. Badgers are everywhere, man. They are all, and be all, cute lil’ fuzzy wuzzy balls o’ talon. I am a stealth badger, living in a land of 10,000 swamps. There is another badger who frequently digs into the threads here and has shudder procreated.
The XMen’s first big hero was Badger, who was nigh unvulnerable, a skeleton made of unbelievium. But due to the savage prejudice of Stan Lee, he was replaced with something more appropriate for a prejudicial savage, the Wolverine, representing the failing part of Michigan, when they could have gone with the Yooper, a ten beer tall logging creature with a voice of unpronouncium. Incidentally, could we please have a movie about anyone else? Gambit, Rogue? (My first two choices.)
Best villain on Firefly? Well, Saffron, because I’ll be in my bunk. But right behind? Badger.
Most important characters in the Redwall series for making my point? Teh Badger Lords.

So fear not, Mr. Prestonian, owner of badgersCATS, cats, sorry. There will be no shortage.

 
 

It’s badgerific!

 
The Usual Idiot
 

Kittens.

 
 

I wrote: “wait, why aren’t we talking about anthony weiner?” in the last thread and it disappeared. Was it deleted? I was sort of feeding the trolls, but i really just wanted to see some penis jokes.

 
 

I’ve only seen a real badger twice but one was great, a fine big one loping like a bear across the Wyoming plain. Magnificent.

 
 

I’ve seen groundhogs.
.

 
 

i really just wanted to see some penis jokes.

That Dennis! he’s both a dick AND a pussy..

 
 

when they could have gone with the Yooper, a ten beer tall logging creature with a voice of unpronouncium

Interest,…newsletter,…yadda yadda.

 
 

Who is this Dennis that you speak of?

 
 

Groundhawgs undulate nicely, the sun shimmering off their rippling coats, as they get up to ramming speed.
.

 
 

Oh. Nu thred. Left an old food pr0n pic at the bottom of the previous thred.

Major, I had a wee accident on the motorpickle. Got a new rear tire in Eureka and they neglected to remind me that new tires can be slippery (due to the mold release agent). Didn’t make it thirty feet, not even out of the parking lot. I cut the trip short then and enjoyed the long ride home with two broken ribs . That was fun. I made Crescent City to Portland – about 300 miles – in just under five hours. Three gas stops, each with a break to have a cupof coffee . That really was fun.

BTW, they say Vicodin and alcohol don’t mix. Bullshit. They mix WONDERFULLY.

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

Groundhawgs undulate nicely, the sun shimmering off their rippling coats, as they get up to ramming speed.

“Don’t drive angry!”

 
 

Is this open thread also open to ospreys?

There’s a nesting pair that set up shop in the cell tower beside our water plant every year. Makes it a bitch for the cell phone guys, ’cause they cannot mess with them in any way.
.

 
 

*humorous
*interim
*lovely

 
 

“Don’t drive angry!”

Carless now for almost seven years, the biggest thang (only thang) I’ve hit was a squirrel, and on a Vino 50, I wasn’t sure I wasn’t going to be skidding on pavement because of it, but… squirrels turn out to be kinda soft. I really wanted to avoid that, but Rocket J. couldn’t make up his mind which way to go.
.

 
 

You really are Ruthless, I figgered one correction was enough.

 
 

Groundhogs are Satan’s lap dogs. They ate my garden and occasionally will come along and eat something uneatable like pumpkin leaves, just to be dicks. Things they can’t eat, like herbs, they will sit on. Again, the dick being is strong in groundhogs.

(The pumpkins aren’t officially a garden plant, they planted themselves and one is now about the size of a Subaru wagon. I know this because an elderly Subaru wagon is resting beside it. I have been studiously not doing much except looking at it from time to time and it had five female flowers on it this morning.)

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

I scored a skwirl last week on a back back back road east of Garberville. Had to gas it, swerve severely and swing my leg out quite a bit but my boot connected with the little fucker’s head real gud.

 
Pupienus Maximus
 

Each fall I cook some pumpkin down and add the spices then put it in freezer bags, the right amount for a pie. Its nice to have punkin pie (or bread or, without teh spices and others added later, mole) in February or March.

 
 

Wanted to pop in to let everyone know that we have been listening to everyone and moving some bale behind the scenes. Some of you have messages sitting in your inbox right now detailing our next short-term action.

On a separate complete issue, it is always a minor fascination for me, the way overprivileged wingnuts grow so used to having everything culturally surround them and their ideologies that the very idea that the world doesn’t revolve around them really seems to strike at their very soul and incense them.

But, but, but…! It was all supposed to be about the life experiences of white, able-bodied, cisgendered straight males! There wasn’t supposed to be any others mucking up my perfect world and having different viewpoints, worrying about things I’m not personally obsessed with! This must stop! And if I can’t get it to stop just by yelling, I’ll grab onto the same handful of four or five tricks that every dominant group uses to try and harass minority groups.

It seems to pop up again and again, just like clockwork.

 
 

Speaking of clockwork……………….

A staggering 40 million euro ($53 million) worth of diamonds and other jewels was stolen Sunday from the Carlton Intercontinental Hotel in Cannes, in one of Europe’s biggest jewelry heists in recent years, police said. One expert noted the crime follows recent jail escapes by members of the notorious “Pink Panther” jewel thief gang.

A police spokesman said the theft took place around noon, but he could not confirm local media reports that the robber was a single gunman who stuffed a suitcase with the gems before making a swift exit.

“Hey! I’ve got a GREAT idea! Let’s take these $53 million dollars worth of diamonds and PUT ‘EM ON DISPLAY……….AT CANNES!! What could POSSIBLY go wrong??!1!?!!?1?!/1”

Also too, Protip: when you’ve got James Bond tied to a chair, JUST FUCKING KILL HIM, okay?

 
 

One expert noted the crime follows recent jail escapes by members of the notorious “Pink Panther” jewel thief gang.

Quick, get Inspector Clouseau on the line! He’s probably been demoted to parking meter duty in Paris at this point.

 
 

Thanks, El Manq, Ruthless one.

brb…

While I will strive for accuracy in spelling and grammar, I will always appreciate being alerted to mistakes.

 
 

Reza Aslan is a mensch. I was listening to him talk about “Zealot” on the Nertional Perblic Redio. It’s a great piece of history by all accounts, and he’s a fascinating man. Interesting that a man who was raised a fundie Christian and attended Catholic school but is now a Sufi Muslim is only remarkable on Fox because OMG MUSLINS. Overall his transition in faith seems to be one from staunch literalism to a complex mysticism, buuuut that’s not Fox’s narrative.

Do they always have someone brown come and yell at brown people, or did they take special precautions with Aslan because of his tremendous wit?

 
 

did they take special precautions with Aslan because of his tremendous wit?

Its the whole Jesus allegory thing – gotta be careful with the narrative.

Srsly, I’ve read a little about the encounter, sounds like he pwned the bastards, good!

 
 

He did exactly as you must with the Fox n Frendz crowd: come out swinging, speak slowly, and repeat yourself.

 
 

The coup de grace is when she accuses him of hiding the fact that he’s a Muslim and he responds that it’s on Page 2 of the book. Also, the bit where she quotes a viewer as saying “It’s like a Democrat writing a book about Reagan” and he says, “No, it’s like a Democrat WITH A PhD IN REAGAN wring a book.”

 
 

I have narrowly missed a few deer in my near-seven years on a scooter, though. One was in the middle of fucking Nashville, late at night.

Wanda had an anniversary, today, her first. Need her to have at least two more.
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Hehe. Bait.

 
 

Goddamnit Pup. If you die on that motherfucking donorcycle…well, there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it. But DON’T, k?

 
 

“You really are Ruthless, I figgered one correction was enough.”

Yeah, well I was a domin-editrix in a past life. Also a troll killer. And I’m feeling grumpy today. Sorry.

“While I will strive for accuracy in spelling and grammar, I will always appreciate being alerted to mistakes.”

Please, use me for your copy-editing needs. baberuthless@hush.com.

 
 

well I was a domin-editrix in a past life.

I ! W? N?

 
 

Goddamnit Pup. If you die on that motherfucking donorcycle…well, there’s pretty much nothing I can do about it. But DON’T, k?

Really. An old pro like you should know better on new tires.
.

 
 

Somebaby needs a diaper check.

 
 

Or treatment for cranial-recto inversion.

 
 

If Democrats aren’t allowed to write about Republican presidents, then Republicans should recall the 20 million books they’ve written calling Clinton and Obama the Anti-Christ.

 
 

Groundhogs are Satan’s lap dogs. They ate my garden and occasionally will come along and eat something uneatable like pumpkin leaves, just to be dicks. Things they can’t eat, like herbs, they will sit on. Again, the dick being is strong in groundhogs.

Damn straight, they even set up their furry “friends” to take the rap.

 
 

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

 
 

Re: broken ribs. Sorry to hear about it but you’ll be fine. Just don’t laugh cough or sneeze.

 
 

Thanks for playing, and here’s the home version of Sadly, No!

 
 

USA wins CONCACAF!

I’ve been getting more into soccer, out of necessity. When the only other active sport is baseball and you’re a (sob) Cubs fan, you need something to distract you until football starts.

You could still sink a battleship with everything I don’t know about soccer, but I’m learning. I’ve even kinda sorta figured out the offside rule. Maybe someday I’ll learn why some fouls are free kicks and others aren’t.

And why soccer is so stinkass about allowing video clips on the Intertoobz.

 
 

well I was a domin-editrix in a past life.

Newsletter?

 
The Very Reverend Battleaxe of Knowledge
 

What soccer needs to do to generate more interest in ADD America is to bump up the score by 6 every time somebody scores a goal, like American football, just to create the illusion that there’s something going on.

 
 

I *did* know better but my brain wasn’t working. They’re supposed to warn us old farts just like everyone else. Even more so because we’re all addle-brainy-like. It’s not my first time to suffer from cracked ribs so I knew when I asked the doc if there was any treatment what the answer would be. But he suggested holing a pillow to my chest and taking deep breaths. I said but it hurts when I breathe deeply. He said “stop whining.” Nice guy.

 
 

“stop whining.”

If you can still whine they’re not broken too badly.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

Thanks, DJ. That site is something I’ll return to.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

I know someone else who needs to stop whining, and what’s broken with them isn’t their ribs.

 
 

Do what you want to do, Bitter Scribe, it’s a free country.

If we don’t see you here again, have a good life.

 
 

The Troll Taunter is as tedious as the trolls.
Just sayin’.

 
 

I’m sorry I don’t have the Algonquin Circle level of wit you’ve graced this site with before, Case:

Case Oopes said,

July 26, 2013 at 17:34

All this incoming flak means you must be over the target, eh?

I’ll try to do better in the future.

 
 

DA–That wasn’t me. I don’t have a dog in this fight, except I don’t like getting nymjacked.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

For Christ’s sake, if you’re going to nymjack me, at least use proper spelling.

 
 

I knew that, Bitter Scribe, I was just taunting the troll who is obviously in need of a high-school lever education.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

Kittens.

 
Cute Little Kittens Are All I Live For
 

Kittens.

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

DA, seems that it’s not that liberals here want you to go away mad, they’d just like you to go away. And they’ve been polite about it.

Like JusticeisservedBaby and whoever ineptly impersonated Bitter Scribe?

You’re so transparent, troll, so I’ll just keep posting her to extend the torment in your soul that it obviously engenders.

Thanks for the feedback!

 
 

Groundhogs are Satan’s lap dogs. They ate my garden and occasionally will come along and eat something uneatable like pumpkin leaves, just to be dicks. Things they can’t eat, like herbs, they will sit on. Again, the dick being is strong in groundhogs.

we’ve had a raccoon who has become so precocious he is noe known as ‘george cooney’ et some of the flowers I have yet to kill and wreak havoc on some of the neighbor’s yard ornamentage…although I have heard this critter is quite adorable when interacting with humans, i am taking my usual tack with smallish rodenty critters: respect their distance…also, if I saw a huge badger loping ( or cavorting or even frolicking) i would prolly poop myself…

also, too…re: marrow croutons and such…i dunno…looks kinda gross…p’rhaps we could effect some sort of enry iggins/liza doolittle pygmalion situation wherein pup and el manq could school me in some fine eating…

 
 

Kittens.

 
 

and since we are freely speaking of dangerous animals, i am seriously considering viewing ‘wolverine’ because hugh jackman…

 
 

Thanks for the feedback, I’ll take it into consideration.

 
 

We saw a mink, of all things, out back in the ravine the other day. At first I thought it was a weasel, but it was solid black and weasels are brown/white.

 
 

Vis a vis small mammals infesting the gardens, a friend of mine has a possum that lives on her shed roof. She calls him Bob, and feeds him slices of apple, which Bob is coming to appreciate. So much so that he hangs over the verandah when she’s outside and, well, the only word for it is ‘looms’: if you’ve ever looked up at an upside-down possum face, you’ll know what I mean.

She speculates that the next step is for Bob to start knocking at the back door demanding his apple slices – “What’s going on there? It’s after 7.00 pm, and where’s my apple?”

Also apropos of non-mammals, we just found a young lorikeet in the grounds at work (university). Poor wee lamb seemed to be on her first day out, and while her climbing skills were good (allowing her to hang upside down when needed), her flying skills didn’t quite make the grade. She fell out of the tree, wings a-flutter, and proceeded to climb laboriously up the orange mesh which was around the garden area. Sadly, that only took her to about knee-height (for us), while the lowest branch was over head-height.

Her parents were sitting up in the tree looking worried, and we got worried too: it was cold and wet, and she must have been using up way too much energy. Eventually we crept close and my friend picked her up and held her up to the branch, which she eventually grabbed. All was well, she climbed back up, and both her parents gave her some food, so we got the warm glow that comes from doing a good deed.

Oh, and my friend got a nice big red bite from a strong little bird beak. Hey, she’s used to that: as an environmentalist she’s been bitten by just about everything.

 
 

heh…there is a d00d on ‘naked & afraid’ named puma…sadly he is really sucking at jungle survival…hubbkf finds some of the dumbest shows…

 
 

I didn’t particularly enjoy survival school. I consider civilization to be a good invention for the most part.

We were up in the mountains of eastern Washington in the fall. It got pretty chilly at night.

I recall sleeping in my “evasion shelter” – which was basically dig a shallow grave and crawl into it with your sleeping bag and pile brush on top.

I remember waking up in the middle of the night with two options – stay in my relatively warm sleeping bag while needing to piss very badly or crawl out of it and freeze my butt off.

 
 

hubbkf has charitably given me a 2 day survival rating in severe conditions…i’m pretty sure it would be less than that…yes, civilization and creature comforts are good things…

 
 

New post

 
 

A brain frog is like the hypnotoad?

 
 

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